


Lend me your Summer

by HerrKirschbaum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, Eventual Romance, Falling In Love, First Love, Historical, Historical References, Love, M/M, Male Homosexuality, References to Jane Austen, Regency, Regency Romance, Romance, Self-Denial, Slow Burn, Suspense, True Love, deep characterization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:17:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 197,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6326896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerrKirschbaum/pseuds/HerrKirschbaum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>England, 1812. For as long as he can remember, Levi Ackerman works as a physician in the dozy little town of Brighthampton. Together with his ward Eren Jaeger he's living a withdrawn, calm life, whose constant routine is only interrupted by occasional salons and evening societies. It is a life that has lost its charm long ago, yet is held up due to resignation and a certain sence of duty. When the mansion of Stenton Park is rented for the summer to two gentlemen from London, it's already predictable that Levi's life will change in a not too distant future...</p><p> </p><p>Illustrations can be found here: http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The physician of Brighthampton

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Schenk mir den Sommer](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/184213) by HerrKirschbaum. 



> I usually place my notes at the end of every chapter, though today I want to hold it a little different. This fanfiction is my love, this fanfiction is my life. I've been working for this for one year now and published it in German. It was well liked by the German fandom and some of my friends talked me into translating it for you. And hopefully, you will like it as well.
> 
> There will be an 'Give me your Summer' - Illustration blog on tumblr, for all of you who are not familiar with this era. I will reblog pictures of which I think they will fit for certain chapters, characters and so on. The blog can be found here:
> 
> http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/
> 
> Please don't forget: I'm not a native speaker, and my beta reader is none as well. If you think some word choices were kind of... awkward, please feel free to let me know.
> 
> Anyway, let's proceed and meet Dr. Ackerman... (♥).

The year 1812 was still young, though the signs of the approaching spring were ever-present. Even though April hardly drew to a close, the trees were already in full blossom and even the lush fields of the surrounding farmlands were sprinkled with the colourful heads of recently blossomed flowers. In fact it seemed as if the sun meant it even better than in the years before, for it's rays hugged all that lay underneath more loving than usual. The people of Brighthampton, a small, contemplative town at the coast of the county of Somerset, noticed this quite well. After months of cold and darkness they were longing for light and warmth. If things stayed like this, this year could turn into a very successful one. That not everyone was lucky enough to savour those circumstances to full satisfaction, was self-evident.

Tired, Levi Ackerman closed his eyes. It had been a short night, so short, that every sunbeam that touched his face made him squint blindly. With arms folded in front of his chest he stood in the middle of a room which wasn't his own, gazing out of the window, lost in thoughts.

He was a rather short man of delicate shape who, even though the fine features of his face appeared quite aristocratic, was a person who caught the attention of the ladies only very seldom. In the mat glass of the window he recognized a pair of sharp, bloodshot eyes, whose steel grey eyes stared back expressionless. His skin was pale, even though he used to be in the best of health all his life. With a nose that was small and without any characteristic shape his lips only formed a small, severe-looking line. Apart from his narrow eyes, whose sharp gaze gave those he looked at a feeling, as if he stared right into their soul, Levi owned the face of a young child which would turn thirty in a not too distant future.

He used to wear the clothes of those who could afford luxury but preferred plain elegance instead. A white, translucent shirt, whose sleeves he had rolled up over his elbows in order to save it from blood and filth. Above, he wore a waistcoat, made from anthracite-coloured tweed, from whose pockets the golden chain of his watch could be seen sparkling cheekily. Only the white cravat he used to wear and which was not dissimilar to a distinctive mark, testified, that yet he was a man, who took a lot of effort in his outer appearance. The heavy, woollen tailcoat had been placed on an armchair, only moments after he had entered this room.

Levi took a deep breath and leaned his forehead against the white lacquered window frame. Around five in the morning they had shaken him out of his sleep without mercy. An emergency. Such things happened quite often, yet he had never gotten really used to it. Within ten minutes he had fully dressed himself, awoken his ward, grabbed his leathern doctor's case and set out, accompanied only by his assistant. Since then he had been here, walking up and down, trying to kill the time that didn't want to pass. Sometimes, even he could do nothing but to sit and wait.

Indifferent, he watched the streets and alleys, which increasingly filled with passers-by during this time of the day. He was aware of the fact that there were people, who would have paid a high price for the power over life and death, though this was beyond his understanding. It was a profession he had learned in times where this decision was the only acceptable option. It secured an existence which was blessed by wealth and security. That alone was appealing enough. And still...

A rattle pervaded the silence and brought him back down to earth. Slowly Levi turned around, with the inner calmness of a man who wouldn't find anything new in this kind of situation. His arms still folded in front of his chest he let them sink, as his eyes wandered around the room. Hardly fifteen square meters in size, it had been furnished in a simple, almost meagre manner. A bed, a desk, a closet. The walls had once been decorated with navy blue wallpapers, which, by now, dismantled in dark, dirty stripes. It gave everything a depressing and heavy atmosphere, in which one would feel claustrophobic rather than comfortable.

This chamber belonged to a housing complex of several parcels. Such buildings had a good reputation amongst university students. Though run-down and filthy it formed a place of flourishing life and carelessness. A place of youthful foolishness that could reach so far that it wouldn't allow a way back.

  


In a narrow bed which was located at the opposite side of the room, hidden in the shadows of the roof slope, there was young man, hardly twenty years of age. Although his chest lifted and sank periodically, the childish face already had the wax-like expression of a deceased. A suicide attempt, and a bad one moreover. With borrowed pistols he had shot himself in the head, but failed to strike himself properly. Shaken out of her sleep, the housekeeper had found him only a little later, sending for a physician right away. The puddle of clotted blood, interfused with fragments of scattered brain close to the desk still testified the scene Levi had witnessed as he had entered the chamber at dawn.

With the help of his assistant Levi had removed the blue tailcoat and yellow pantaloons, before they had placed him in his bed, carefully not to soil themselves with the blood of the wounded. The young man hadn't regained consciousness ever since. From time to time his eyes opened and a silent, tortured moan left the blue lips. A tragedy. For safety reasons only, Levi had given him a pain killer and arrested the bleeding. That was all he could do. A clean, not very efficient woof, which brought a slow and painful death. And still – it seemed as if the breathing rate slowed down. The cries of pain that had filled the air in minute intervals only hours before, sounded merely in uneven periods. Without doubt the end of this boy was near. Not much longer and Levi could finish a day's work and return home, where the newspaper and a hot bath would wait for him.

He looked at his fingers and pulled a wry face. Although he had scrubbed them several times in a provided basin, there were still remains of dried blood underneath his nails. With a silent moan he turned away from the window and went over the bed of his patient, where he sat down on one of the surrounding chairs. Carefully he grabbed the hand of the dying, which laid cold and heavily in his own and took the watch out of his pocket. It took him time and sure instincts to find a pulse, yet it was rarely to notice anyway. Doing so, he watched the face of the boy. Not a movement, not a twitch allowed any conclusions to the feelings, Levi might have felt during those seconds. Even for his closest friends he used to be a closed book most of the time.

“Sir, I'm back.”

Wordless, Levi raised his head and looked over to the door, in whose frame his assistant and ward Eren Jaeger stood. Barely sixteen years old he had spent eight in Levi's care, after the street flushed him into his arms on one blissful day. Like his foster father he wore simple and dark clothing, on which those stains and spots that came with the profession of a physician would hardly be seen. In all these years he had spent with Levi, he had the chance to learn a lot of his foster father's daywork. Once he had finished school and passed his last exams Levi intended to send him to university, where Eren would finish his education and become a physician himself. The times they were a changing. The medicine was no longer in the hands of butchers and barbers. It was displaced to the caring hands of the empiric sciences and disappeared, bit by bit, in the extensive halls of the ivory tower.

Eren merely must have had returned from school. In his right arm he still held the linen covered schoolbooks, bundled only by a leathern strap. He was breathing heavily and the dark brown, dishevelled hair covered his heart-shaped face. Eager to learn and thirsty for action he didn't miss a chance to observe his mentor at work. Although Eren's unmanageable and stubborn nature drove Levi crazy from time to time, it was an eternal giving and taking between those two.

“Close the door and come here.”

Eren did how he was told and moved closer. With every step he turned more pale, while the big, bilious green eyes filled themselves with silent awe. As he stopped besides Levi, the physician placed the hand of the dying back under the white sheets and stood up. “What do you see?”

Despite his severe tone his voice inherited a certain warmth. Both exchanged a long, trusted look. It took a couple of seconds, until Eren made up his mind to answer the question. After all these years he had been in contact to Levi's patients, death still unsettled him.

“A man who committed a failed suicide attempt with a pistol.”

With every word his voice died away, knowing, that this wasn't exactly what his vis-à-vis wanted to hear. A derogative snort left Levi's throat. He shook his head and pointed with a short nod towards the bed.

“You shan't repeat what I already know, Eren. Apart from that...”

The steel grey eyes rested in silent melancholy on the motionless body, for a moment only. “It seems, as if his effort will be crowned with success in the end. Even though I've rarely seen a more hacked-up try to blow one's brain out of his head.

He could hear Eren gasp next to him. That his words did not only create delight was a fact he was fully aware of. Levi inhered a harsh and open-minded manner which made no bones about it – no matter, how hurtful the things he had to say were.

For a moment they fell silent. Then, Levi grabbed Eren's shoulders and pushed them with soft emphasis closer to the bed. With every inch Eren moved forward, Levi felt, how every fibre of the youthful body stiffened. He paused for a second – his slender fingers still enclosing Eren's shoulders – approaching the younger until his lips where close to Eren's left ear.

“It's not your first dead, isn't it?”, he whispered. Tentative, Eren shook his head. As he opened his mouth for the next time, his voice sounded anxious and infirm.

“No”, he breathed. “The coachman's accident last month...”

Levi nodded. He remembered as well. What an unpleasant incident. It could be said it was pure irony, when someone was trampled underfoot by his own horses. And still – compared to today this decease had happened exceedingly fast.

“Good. Step a little closer.”

The younger looked at his mentor in uncertainty. he was at an age, when the immediate encounter with death caused nothing but naked fear. Until this coachman died, Levi usually had sent Eren out of the room when dying approached. Yet by now this boy was old enough to be confronted with the truth. With reluctance he obeyed his master's orders, whose hands still rested on his shoulders. Once more Levi lowered his voice, until it equaled a hoarse whisper.

“What do you see, Eren?”

Both knew that Levi wouldn't let his protégé go until he would have given him a satisfying answer.

Eren's breath started to shiver. With an agonizing slowness he bowed down. His eyes wandered searching over the face of the wounded. Carefully he studied everything that could be seen. Every detail appeared to find a way into his consciousness and with every second he stayed like this, the inner calmness, which had slipped him only moments before, seemed to return.

“The bullet entered through the Maxilla right under his left eyes”, he began haltingly and eventually reached out to push some of the blood-soaked strands of hair aside, “and left the skull through the occipital bone. The skin is... greyish. The cheeks are sunken, the cheekbones emerge. The breathing...” He hesitated and watched the chest for more than a minute. “The breathing is irregular, accompanied by occasional dropouts.”

Now satisfied, Levi nodded and let him go. Immediately Eren stepped back, still not able to loosen his eyes from the wounded. A mixture of disgust and fascination was written all over his face.

“What's your prognosis?”, the physician asked calmly.

Eren remained motionless. He furrowed his brow, his gaze testifying clearly that he didn't know what to think about this situation.

“Frankly spoken I'm surprised he's actually alive, Sir”, he said in the end, not without indignation in his voice. Levi's mouth twitched in silent amusement, before he once more folded his arms in front of his chest. Together they watched the dying. It was the first time Eren made contact to a suicide victim. In the world they lived in people didn't discuss such things. The killing of one's very own body was a sin that offered no words of comfort and forgiveness. And still those kind of people existed. They lived, they died and couldn't be avoided in the end. Levi took care of them, accompanied them through their last moments before he left them without any regret. Life and experience had him made grow cold towards such people.

Eren still lacked this clarity of thought.

“I wonder what made him do this”, he whispered.

“Whatever it was, nothing justifies that kind of mess.”

They exchanged a look. Even though Eren appeared shocked in light of Levi's reaction, he understood the intentions of his foster father. Both knew how it was to fight for a life in balance. Both knew the feeling of being closer to death than to anything else. They loved life. Both of them.

And this love had once weaved a bond between them which made them interact as unequal but efficient duo since back then.

The dying gasped. Then his breath set out for a long time, until his mouth opened again. It continued like this for several times, until the last movements of life had faded from the youthful face. Levi and Eren looked at him in silence.

“Hand me one of the silver spatulas, Eren.”

The boy obeyed. With rapid movements he went over to the leathern case, took out the desired piece of equipment and gave it to his mentor. Levi stepped closer to the bed, placing the spatula underneath the nose with routined movements. As it didn't steam up, Levi removed the blankets, opened the linen shirt and pressed his ear expectantly against his chest. Doing so, Levi felt for the man's wrist and checked the pulse. He could feel the looks of his protégé on his own body, who wouldn't miss a single one of his movements. As their eyes met in the end, Levi shook his head in a volatile manner before he pulled the white sheets over the motionless body. Then he took out his watch and looked at the dial.

“Twelve past five. Pack everything together while I prepare the documents.”

  


As they left the house, the cloudless sky already changed it's colour in the orange that revealed the approaching sunset. The air was filled with the scent of freshly baked bread, the perfume of rich ladies and the filth that had been left behind by merchants and their cattle in the alleys. Over all there was the laughter of children, who chased, stained with mud, after simply constructed wooden toys. Although the sun slowly disappeared behind the rooftops, it was still so warm that Levi began to sweat under his tailcoat. It was a rather strange feeling the be confronted with pure life and joy after such a day. As the door of the house closed behind them, the physician couldn't help himself but to heave a sigh. How sticky death was he usually noticed only when fresh air filled his lungs and reminded him of the fact the he was still alive.

He didn't miss that Eren appeared exhausted. Around his nose he looked more pale than normally and the expression in his gaze testified that he hadn't overcome today's happenings yet. It would take a couple of days until the rebelliousness, which was so typical for him, would return. He, who barely managed it to be quiet for more than a couple of seconds outside of Levi's treatment room, trotted mutely next to his master, his eyes staring at the leathern case which he carried for Levi.

“They won't bury him on the cemetery, right?”, it broke out of him after minutes of silence. Levi shook his head without looking at him.

“No.”

The thought of the dead was enough to darken the physician's facial expression. It might have been a fact that he had barely reached the age of 30, but the shadows that had emerged under his eyes during the past hours made him look like he had aged by years. “And no priest will escort him. He can account himself lucky when they bury him in the mud next to the graveyard.”

While talking he eyed his finger nails. The rests of dried blood still couldn't be overlooked, even though he had done anything possible to let them disappear. He was longing for a hot bath. He sped up and continued his speech, while he desperately tried to scrape off the dark stains under his nails. “He has dishonoured his family. If there are any younger sisters, it can only be hoped they're married already. Thinking of his age, I seriously doubt that. It's most unlikely that they have been introduced into society yet.”

Honest surprise appeared on Eren's face. Although he over-towered his foster father not only a little, he had to speed up in order not to fall behind.

“What's that supposed to mean, Sir?”

“Nobody of high rank, wealth and intellect would marry into a family of lunatics. Since the housekeeper witnessed everything there's no chance to hush up that incident.”

He proceeded walking, waiting for an answer that wouldn't come. Suspiciously, he stopped and turned around, just in the moment, as the sound of a numb beat occurred behind him. What followed was deafening rattling. His protégé no longer stood next to him. Irritated, Levi searched the area with his eyes and moaned, as he found the boy sitting on the ground in a distance of five yards. The leathern case laid next to him, sprung open, scattering everything that was inside on the surrounding street. Crucibles and tins rolled around and a coil of bandage skipped over the cobblestone, before it finally tilted to the side and stopped. Next to him, Levi could see a man as huge as a tree.

“Oy, Eren”, he shouted and stepped closer. “How often did I tell you shan't stare into space? When you damaged something I'll cover it from your wages. Damn brat...”

His lips pressed together to a thin line he remembered that he didn't pay him any wages, only a small amount of pocket money which would barely cover the worth of anything that had been inside of his bag. In the meantime, Eren had started to hastily pack everything back. Doing so, one excuse after another left the youthful lips, before he suddenly hesitated, holding two parts of a broken bottle in the air. He looked resigned.

“The bottle with opium”, he started with a low voice, “it's broken.”

The physician's eyes narrowed. Opium had to be imported from Asia and was, even though the English government did it's best to flood the marked with this drug, an expensive investment. He had increased his stock with exactly this bottle only a couple of weeks ago. It seemed as if he had to redo this order again.

He looked at the small, white globules that had scattered all over the pavement and opened his mouth to proceed with his scolding. He didn't make it far.

“Excuse my mishap”, it sounded next to him. Levi turned around but all he could see now was a heavy build men's chest that opened up right in front of him. It belonged to a man of almost 6”5, more titan than human. While his hair was ash blonde, his sideburns and the short beard shimmered in a dark brown. Eyes of the same colour rested on him in silent kindness. Under a full-length coat Levi noticed a suit in the colour of earthenware, which was, even though not made out of king's traditional silk fabrics, of remarkable high quality. Though his body height surprised Levi, it didn't intimidated him. Motionless he replied the looks of his counterpart.

“Your companion must have overlooked me”, the man continued. “He bumped into me while walking and fell down.”  
“You don't say...”

Over his shoulder Levi gave Eren, who still kneeled on the ground, an uncomprehending look. It was beyond his understanding how someone could overlook a person of that size. As usual, Eren must have been lost in thoughts. They would have a conversation about that. Later.

He turned towards the giant, who inhered a calm down-to-earth attitude that, even though it didn't stand out in a positive manner, didn't attract Levi's displeasure. What annoyed him more were the passers-by who, expecting a scandal, had stopped walking and watched them with unhidden curiosity. The ash blonde man reached into the pocket of his tailcoat, taking out a money purse.

“You mentioned something about opium, right? Please allow me to replace your damaged goods.”

Promptly Levi shook his head and lifted his hand to interrupt the man. The other noticed this gesture and stopped.

“Your motives may be noble, but there is no need.”

While speaking, Levi looked over to Eren again and again, who, as a result, started to pack the equipment more and more hectic. “He should learn that personal failures bring consequences as well. It will help him to learn treasure the worth of money.”

As he ended, the remaining colour faded from Eren's face. The boy seemed to realize that one bottle of opium equaled the pocket money of two months. The next weeks would be most cheerless, and that was for certain. The ash blonde man furrowed his brows, letting his gaze wander between Levi and his ward, obviously uncertain what to think about this unequal pair.

“We took the wrong turn, Mike.”

Someone headed towards them down the street. It was a tall man in his early thirties, who was a little shorter than the first one. His gold blonde, short hair shined in the light of the setting sun and softly framed an oval, striking face, whose aquamarine blue eyes searched the attention of his friend with a gentle smile. Levi didn't miss the aura of openly presented self-confidence that accompanied his movements. Silently, Levi eyed the new arrival, whose body was hidden under the scarlet red and with golden piping decorated uniform of the English military. Immediately, the expression on Levi's face hardened. “The town hall is in the north. It's not a big surprise we didn't make a find here”, the blonde talked to his friend, who registered every word with a nod. The soldier's voice was deep, but soft and without any severity. Both spoke with an accent that appeared vaguely familiar to Levi, yet he couldn't assign it properly. One thing yet was certain for sure: Both men weren't from Brighthampton.

Now that the soldier had ended, his blue eyes took note of Levi, who had stood next to him, eyeing him in silence. For a moment only, the physician believed to notice a slight surprise in his eyes, but it faded as soon as it had appeared. The gentle smile though remained.

“Who are those men?”, he asked with blatant curiosity. “Would you introduce me to them, Mike?”

Mike opened his mouth, but Levi raised to speak before the other could begin an answer. He was tired of this. He wanted to go home. The company of those two men already bored him to death.

“Don't go to any trouble”, he replied coldly. His voice sounded sharp and had taken a tone that wouldn't allow any backtalk. “I was already going to recommend myself, anyway. Have a good day.”

Without waiting for an answer, he turned away and went to Eren, who eventually had stowed everything back in the bag. Levi stopped next to him and watched him while he waited for him to get up. His sourish expression already allowed to divine that objections would bring unpleasant consequences from now on.

“Come on now”, he muttered impatiently. “And this time you better take care of where you're going.” Eren nodded and obeyed. Thereupon he followed his master with a rapid pace, careful though to maintain a due distance.

  


Minutes later they reached their home, a pretty, small townhouse, which fit unobtrusively in a row of structurally identical buildings. Built at the turn of the century, the cladding showed the whitely plastered decoration of ancient times. With two floors it offered way too much space for a single physician and his protégé, but would provide enough space if Levi one day decided to spend money in domestic servants. In the hallway he already gave his tailcoat to Eren, asking him to prepare a hot bath before dinner. After that, he entered the parlour through a sweeping double door. Of representative function, it was the most beautiful room of the house. He once had let decorate the walls with wallpaper made of green silk. Next to a carved secretary of dark oak wood there was a piano forte, a canapé, two armchairs and a side table, all manufactured in the style of the rococo period. Tired, Levi took a seat on his sofa and closed the burning eyes for a second. The exhaustion of the too short night and the past day became now, where he had reached his home, fully discernible to him.

Seconds later, Eren entered the parlour. In his hands he held today's newspaper, furthermore some letters, neatly sealed. It might be that Levi employed a cook, but had decided to do without a butler or a maid almost one decade ago. He had given their tasks to Eren, since it was important to teach him discipline and order as long as he was young enough. Taking care of this for eight years now, he managed almost everything to Levi's full satisfaction – yet his conception of cleanliness was slightly different from his foster father's.

He acknowledged Eren's appearing with a volatile glance, noticed the letters and closed his eyes again.

“How many?”, he murmured short-tempered. Politeness demanded him to answer on the same day and therefore he hoped their number would keep within limits.

“Five, Sir.”

The physician took a deep breath. Without doubt they would contain invitations to dull salons, dinners and societies they would send him for decency, but not for sympathy. Events for representative reasons, only for the purpose to rise oneself over his fellow human beings with conversation and sharp statements. An exhausting way to kill time which Levi tried to avoid as far as he could. He would reject them without exception and go to bed early.

“Something noteworthy?”

“One of the letters is from Miss Zoe, Sir.”

Mutely Levi looked at the boy, who turned red under his staring and refused to answer for a long time. Hange Zoe. She was an old acquaintance, patron and – so to say – friend. Those two were connected by a love-hate which had lasted for more than ten years. Even though her loud and persistent nature strained his nerves whenever they met, she was, like Eren, one of the very few persons he could endure to spend time with. In his own way he appreciated her very much and so she could pride herself with the fact that he had never declined one of her invitations so far. Neither was she remarkably pretty nor was she married. Her intelligence and steadfastness had put any admirer to the rout by now and even though nobody knew how she made herself a living, she lived a life in financial independence. Her wealth was one of the last unresolved mysteries of humanity. She was, in every way, an unusual woman.

“What does she write?”

“She invites you for dinner, Sir.” Eren's eyes wandered over the paper, on which someone had noted some lines in spidery writing. “On Friday evening. She writes about guests from London who she wants to introduce to you. Unmarried, well-established Gentleman. Apparently excellent matches.”

“That's what she writes?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Levi furrowed his brows. His eyes, still resting on the boy, narrowed.

“Does she think I care about such things? She's the old maid, not me”, he muttered more to himself than to Eren, who, under the staring of his foster father, nervously turned the paper in his hands back and forth.

“Uh, Sir...”

“All right.”

The physician raised a hand and declined. He wasn't in the mood to take care of today's correspondence yet. “Leave the letters here. And the newspaper as well.”

Once more he noticed the dark staines under his nails. He would definitely not be able to take his supper in that condition. Although he had no problem dealing with wounds, fractures and even worse, he was grateful when he could wash away the traces of his profession. His love for cleanliness had caused Eren sorrows not just once. Silently he watched his hands and remembered the red military uniform of the man he had just met in town. Those two gentleman must have been, according to their accent, come from a complete other part of England. Their clothes – especially Mike's – were plain, but definitely those of gentlemen. It posed the question, what reason on earth would have brought such two fine men into this dozy little down. A presumption followed right away. Levi raised his head and looked over to his ward, who was about to leave the parlour.

“Eren.”

The boy stopped and turned around.

“Sir?”

“Didn't you mention that Stenton Park has been leased again?”

The boy nodded hesitantly and strands of brown hair slid in his face.

“Yes”, he began and stroke them behind his ear. “Mr. Rogers told me about that. He said it has been rented for the summer to two gentleman from London.”

Fraught with meaning, Levi nodded. They exchanged a look and the boy's eyes suddenly widened in surprise. “Oh, Sir! You don't think it could be Miss Zoe's acquaintances, don't you?”

The physician's lips twitched in amusement, but didn't make it to a complete grin. Well, of course there was a possibility, but that was most unlikely.

“Straighten your clothes.”

It sounded like an order. His protégé now fully lost his temper. He reached for the seam of his jacket in a most erratic manner, while his foster father folded his arms in front of his chest and shook his head.

“Your evening clothes, Eren.”

“What for?”

“Is this so hard to understand?” Levi leaned back, a self-confident expression written all over his face. “For the dinner on Friday. You will accompany me.”

  



	2. The Gentlemen from London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi attends Hange's dinner party accompanied by Eren. He makes the acquaintance of two gentlemen who visit her from London.

An apartment on the first floor of an old town house. Walls of several meters in height, decorated with green and golden wallpaper. It was the place Miss Hange Zoe called her home, and even though every detail testified the wealth that characterized her way of living, the room was dominated by a luxurious emptiness. The furniture was sparse, but well selected and the flickering open fire covered everything with a warm shine, joining the countless candles that had been place here and there.

Dinner had been more than delicious – thanks to the fact that Hange entrusted this matter to her very gifted cook – for the protection of her guests and despite her emancipated character.

By now, the evening already drew to a close. They had decided to spend the remaining time in mutual company in Hange's salon, enjoying brandy and cigars. Levi, who had sit down on one of the sofas silently watched the fire, lost in his very own thoughts. In his right hand that rested on his knee he held a glass, in which the rests of the merely drunken brandy could still be seen. A cosy warmth had filled his chest, caused by a delicious meal and alcohol of high quality. It might have been that Levi was pleased, though he was not in the mood for conversation. Sitting here, being with the others, sharing the company but not participating actively, was enough for him.

Moving the glass back and forth, he raised his head and looked around. At the piano he could see a boy around Eren's age, with chubby cheeks, snub nose and blue eyes. Silky blonde hair framed the still childish face. With a skill Eren would never be able to, he played pieces of Thomas Moore for the entertainment of those present. His name was Armin Arlert, a boy that came from a good home and who, with his intelligent nature and the fortune he was about to inherit one day, would make a good marriage, once he was a little older. Like Hange, he had dedicated himself to the empiric sciences and so he helped her, who had educated him as child, out, whenever his spare free time allowed it. During the past years a friendship had grown between the boy and Levi's ward, so, that it was no surprise that Eren could be seen next to him, leaning against the piano and listening reverently. At his side, one hand placed on his shoulder, stood Hange Zoe. The auburn hair had once been pinned up, but during the evening some strands had loosened and now rested on her shoulders. She wore a dress made from aquamarine blue muslin, piled under her breast with a band made of violet silk. A shawl in the same colours, embroidered with flowers at both ends, warmed her chest and hid the golden lorgnette around her neck.

Suddenly, laughter broke through the silence and brought Levi back to earth. He looked over to the source of the noise and found three men, who, obviously making a merry, sat at a side table and killed their time by playing cards. Levi knew them all by name. On the left side, there was Mr. Dot Pixis, a retired military general, whose love for alcohol of every sort was well known up to the town borders and beyond. He used to spend his never-ending free time with one – or more – glasses of port in Hange's salon and could be met almost as often as young Armin Arlert. On his bald head as well as in his small, wrinkled eyes the warm light of the candles was reflected. As usual, his cheeks shimmered in a drunken red. It seemed as if he had won the last round, since he reached for a heap of silver coins with a victorious grin. Next to him, the face motionless as if this loss was nothing but one step to the final win, sat the blonde soldier Levi had met downtown only days before. In the moment as Levi looked over to him he raised his head. Their eyes met. Eyes, blue like aquamarine, stared so intensively, that for one moment, time seemed to have come to a standstill.

  


Four hours in prior. The sun had barely disappeared behind the horizon when the spring-like temperatures collapsed. Not a single cloud covered the starless sky and with every breath small clouds appeared in front of their lips. Wearing a hat made of black wool, Levi stood in front of Hange's door, waiting with a expressionless face. Directly behind him stood Eren. It was a rare gift that Levi took Eren with him to the evening societies he was attending from time to time, a bonbon for remarkable good performances. And so, Eren's nervousness, originating from the particularity of the situation, progressively took over Levi's mind with every further second they spend in the cold darkness. Where at first Eren had merely looked around in fury, he eventually began to tug his sleeves, correct the fit of his hat and his hair. In short, he fidgeted in a way that rapidly increased to the extent where Levi considered it to be intolerable. It didn't take long before Levi turned around, ready to give Eren a telling-off as the door to Hange's opened and revealed Mary, Hange's maid. They followed her inside where she took their coats and hats, before she led them into the salon. The door had hardly closed behind them as Hange's voice filled the air.

“Levi! It's so good to see you here!”

Before he could react she had put an arm around his shoulders, pressing him with a heavy jerk against a women's chest. The physician gasped for air and looked up until his gaze reached a female face, whose hazelnut brown eyes stared at him through in unhidden excitement. She was all smiles. Determined not to let him go, she dragged him past Eren into the middle of the salon. Like usually, she had turned into a exuberant waterfall within seconds, from which the words spluttered without mercy. And so she started bubbling this time as well, before Levi could have even opened his mouth for a proper greeting.

“You won't believe it!”, she said with her melodic voice, pulling him even tighter against her breast. “There is so much I have to tell you. Do you remember the experiment with the fungicidal and the new breeding ground that I developed together with Armin? - Oh, hello Eren!”

She had taken notice of his ward, who had watched them silently from a safe distance. A smile that ranged somewhere between honest delight and unhidden insecurity had appeared on his face. Everybody in this room just knew too well what was going to happen.

After she had discovered Eren, she finally let Levi go, who immediately stepped back and rapidly went over to brunette boy, so fast, that he slightly moved back – until he hit the wall with his back.

“Did Levi eventually let you out of the basement, my dear?”

She burst out laughing, which only fired the nervousness in Eren's face. He was fully aware of the fact that Levi stood behind him, watching his protégé with an unmoving expression.

“Seems like this, Miss Zoe”, he answered politely and tried to smile. Levi snorted and folded his arms in front of his chest.

“He is old enough to participate more in evening societies than he used to”, he remarked. Hange nodded.

“Ah, of course!”

She reached for Eren and grabbed his shoulders, only to place him in front of her with a jerk. She tended to underestimate her strength and happened to touch people harder than intended. With a critical expression on her faces she examined the boy, noticed very little detail, before she finally let him go and started to arrange his clothing.

“It's about time, anyway”, she turned to Levi, while she corrected Eren's cravat. “You let him work way too much. Just look at him, he's so pale.”

She took Eren's face in her hands and turned it back and forth. Doing so, she continuously babbled on. “And how thin you are. Does he give you enough to eat, Eren?”

The boy tried to nod, though he could hardly move due to her harsh grip. Through her arms he gave Levi a look, seeking for help. Levi only furrowed his brows, but refused to do anything beyond. Silently he watched the spectacle, until he noticed Armin Arlert, who sat on a sofa in a corner of the room and observed everything in an insecure manner. Wordless, Levi went over to the blonde boy, eventually stopping next to him. They exchanged a short look until Levi bend forward and opened his mouth.

“Maybe you should rush to the help of your friend, little mushroom head”, he remarked shortly. “Or there won't be much left of him.”

“You are certainly not wrong about that”, Armin answered with a thin smile. He was used to this nickname, for Levi had called him that way since he was a child. He raised and went over to strange pair, that still stuck together in the middle of the room. He somehow managed it to join their conversation, which caused Hange to let go of Eren in the end. Only seconds later, the door opened once more and the same maiden that had led them in before appeared again.

“A Lieutenant Zacharias a Commander Smith, Madame.”

Suddenly, there was a deadly silence. Levi felt an abrupt sag in his stomach, but his face didn't reveal anything of his emotions. Hange's gaze though bluntly brightened up.

“There they are finally”, she whispered breathless and a blessed sparkling appeared in her eyes. She left the others behind and hurried to the door, only to receive the two men that entered the room. One look was enough for Levi to notice that those two gentlemen were in fact the men he had met with Eren in town only days before. In contrary to the others both wore the red dress uniform of the English military. While Mike's face definitely revealed honest surprise over the fact he met Levi here, Commander Smith's expression showed no motion. For a split second, the icy blue eyes rested on Levi before they turned to Hange, who welcomed them in a flourish manner. After that, she pointed towards Levi, who slowly approached before he stopped directly in front of them. He had to raise his head to look up to them. Both were incredibly huge.

“Those are friends of mine from London whom I want to introduce to you, Levi.”

Levi nodded shortly and critically eyed both of the gentlemen. Nobody showed the generosity to point out that they already got to know one another. They hadn't been formerly introduced to each other anyway, so what was the point in ruining her joy? In her good mood she didn't even notice the tension that had filled the air since the moment those two had entered the room.

“This over here is Lieutenant Mike Zacharias. And that one over there is Commander Erwin Smith. Our parents are close friends and we grew up together in London.” She was all smiles. “And this, my dear gentlemen, is Dr. Levi Ackerman. He is the physician and the good soul of Brighthampton.”

While she spoke, a mischievous smile appeared on her lips. Levi ignored her. “I will never get used to call you Commander, Erwin”, it eventually burst out of her. Erwin smiled gently, while his gaze still rested on Levi's face. Doggedly, Levi returned the look. He didn't know what it was – but this Commander was unsympathetic from the beginning.

  


His fingers tightened their grab around the glass, which still rested on his lap, then he stood up. He crossed the room and stopped, next to the card playing gentlemen, in front of a wooden, with artful inlays decorated globe. He placed his glass on the sideboard next to him, then opened the globe by activating a small, secret mechanism. He reached inside and took out a bottle of brandy. A nice little gadget that Hange had ordered years ago to be able to store the alcohol out of Pixis' reach – at least temporary. He quickly poured some of the liquor into his glass before he stowed the bottle back again. Going to take a first sip, the sound of cards slapping on the table filled the room once more. Curious, Levi looked over. Erwin, who had lost a fortune to Pixis only minutes ago now reached for a significant higher amount of sterling. On his face there was the expression of a man whose calculations eventually had worked out. Mike, who sat between them, started to laugh after Pixis' head had reached the colour of tomatoes within split seconds. The former military took a mouthful of brandy and placed his cards next to him, obviously frustrated.

“You shouldn't underestimate my fellow friend, Mr. Pixis, he definitely is a gambler”, Mike began. “You wouldn't be the first one to be pressed by him like a grape.”

Erwin's lips twitched in silent amusement as he arranged the coins in front of him according to their value.

“I wouldn't go so far, though.”

He exchanged a look with Mike, who shook his head and comradely cuffed his friend's shoulder.

“Modest as usual, my good old Erwin. That way you will never receive the decorations you deserve, my friend.”

The giant man took the cards and started to shuffle them for another round. Meanwhile, Erwin looked at Levi then pointed to the fourth, empty chair. 

“Dr. Ackerman, would you be so kind to join us?”

Even though Erwin acted open and friendly towards him, Levi severely stared back. He was just opening his mouth for an answer as he was interrupted by Pixis before one word could leave his lips.

“Oh, don't bother yourself, Sir”, he began and Levi could clearly hear the drunken slur that usually inhered the old man's voice whenever he had one drink too many. “You wouldn't believe how many years I've been nagging Dr. Ackerman about that topic.”

Erwin furrowed his brows.

“You don't play cards?”

Still staring at him, Levi scornfully pulled a wry face.

“I value my income too much to spend it in such a way, Commander Smith.”

“Well”, answered he, smiling gently, “maybe you will win? You will never know if you don't take a chance.”

Levi instinctively clenched his jaws. That person seemed quite convinced to make him gamble tonight. It was this self-confident, arrogant attitude that caused a wave of unpleasant feelings in Levi, which decreased the slight amount of respect he had offered the soldier even more. He felt a certain pressure in his chest, pressed his lips together and looked over to the chimney.

“This is a risk I have to accept, then. Apart from that I assume that all the years in the military have given you a certain advantage I'm barely able to catch up within only one evening.”

The cold tone of Levi's voice was hard to be overheard and the kind expression that had characterized Erwin's person during the evening faded, yet only for a short moment. It was obvious Levi had affronted him with his rejecting manner. Wordless he took the cards from Mike and started to deal them out.

“You haven't served in the army?”, Erwin picked up what Levi had just said and continued his thought. Although he tried to let it sound like a casual remark, Levi understood right away that this wasn't the superficial conversations that usually were lead at such evening societies. This was way beyond that. Levi had managed it to cause a struggle for power which wouldn't end before one of them had the final say.

“Certainly not”, he answered, resting his eyes on Erwin for a moment before he went on. “And my grief about that keeps within limits to be honest. According to your rank, name and this dress uniform you are serving though, I suppose.”

“Indeed, I am.”

The three men took their cards and fell silent, since everyone of them examined them for themselves. The game began. Pixis, who had, drunken as he was, already forgotten about what was beftting and what wasn't, interrupted Levi once more. Not amused, Levi's lips formed a thin line. He gave the old men an evil eye that would have left Eren speechless, but was ignored by the surrounding men.

“If that's the case, you can probably tell us something about the fights in Europe?”, Pixis burst out instead. The old man threw some cards in the middle of the table. He was always glad when he got to listen to some war stories, Levi knew that. With that introduction tonight's topic was established, no matter how much Levi was displeased by that. Neither was he interested in such things nor was there anything noteworthy he could add to this kind of conversation.

Mutely Mike took the cards Pixis had just gotten rid of and arranged them in his hand. He chuckled amused as Pixis had barely ended his sentence.

“Seems like you hit the mark, Mr. Pixis”, was everything he said.

Erwin nodded gently and took some cards from the deck of cards next to him. He took some of his own and gave them to Pixis.

“Indeed. I used to fight in Spain until recently.”

A gentle smile appeared on his lips, though his eyes inhered a strange, melancholic expression. “It is a good feeling to be back in England. Even though I don't think I had already fulfilled my duty there.”

Pixis refused to ask for the reason of Erwin's return. Transfers weren't an unusual thing even in war times and many ambitious soldiers had already lost their idealism under the slowly grinding wheels of bureaucracy. Levi finally managed it to join their conversation again. It was the only thing that kept him from restraining himself to his usual place in front of the fire with a bottle of brandy. The card came itself wasn't appealing to him. He didn't even know the rules. 

“What induced you to join the military?”

The blonde soldier raised his head and looked at Levi for a moment with severe, relentless eyes.

“I consider it an honour to serve the royal crown and my country of England.”

Levi didn't doubt for a second that he said this wholeheartedly. While such things were nothing but lip services for most of his comrades, Erwin inhered a insistence that erased every doubt within seconds. Levi watched the men in silence, who, in an increasing speed, exchanged cards with each other. As he opened his lips again, his voice had progressively cooled down.

“So you probably had the chance to witness the siege of Badajoz?”

A flicker appeared on Erwin's face, so short, that only those who watched him closely, were able to notice it. A silent satisfaction spread within Levi's chest. It seemed as if he had hit the mark. 

“That might will have been so”, Erwin answered curtly. He had turned away from Levi, his gaze focused at the table. His upright body posture indicated that he was unwilling to talk about this subject. Levi folded his arms in front of his chest, not even thinking about insisting from his counterpart. Insistingly he picked on him.

“A dreadful incident, so to say. Is it really true what can be read in the newspapers these days?”

Unaffected Erwin stared straight ahead. Levi didn't know whether he ignored him on purpose or if he just thought about his next move. It was Pixis who referred to Levi's statement. Obviously confused he looked back and forth between those two.

“What can be read?”, he asked. Levi nodded fraught with meaning. The steel grey eyes continuously rested on Erwin.

“Haven't you heard? The English Army plundered the town, destroyed it's property, massacred the civilians and stole the women. Say, Commander Smith, how many people lost their lives at that time? As a soldier who had been positioned in Badajoz, it's most likely that you're better informed than I am.”

Even though Erwin tried not to let any emotions escape from the inside, he couldn't manage it to hide his anger in front of Levi. Contented he noticed how the soldier clenched his jaws. From time to time Mike peered at his friend and therefore testified that he interpreted Erwin's body language the same way as Levi did.

“About four thousand”, Erwin replied eventually with a soft, but severe voice.

Slowly the atmosphere within the room started to change. Levi still watched the other with cold eyes and barely hidden disgust. He couldn't tell what it was, but every movement, every word, every look provoked Levi in a way that made him go berserk. He showed an attitude Levi had always abhorred and that could usually be seen within members of the military. They considered themselves the true kings of the world, whatever would be the reason for that idea. They had swords and pistols, they acted morally superior but were in fact nothing more but mere murderers, who stained their hands with blood under the protective coat of the royal flag. Levi had had to deal with soldiers too often his life so far that he could sit still and endure their behaviour without saying anything. The greater the distance he could keep from them, the better.

Erwin, who had eyed his cards in silence, raised his head and looked straight at Levi. His facial expression had changed. He looked more serious than before and the warmth that had laid in his eyes before had disappeared. His blue eyes sparkled like ice in the light of the candles. They were filled with an aggressiveness that testified Levi that, in the soldier's opinion, he had exceeded the limit of any bearable behaviour. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Levis lips twitched. Now he had the other exactly where he wanted him to be. Would he lose his temper if he continued like this?

“Is this the honour of the royal crown you just spoke about?”

Suddenly Armin's piano playing stopped and signalized Levi that he was on the point of going too far. A Commander was a person of honour and a lack of respect shown towards them in public could cause serious consequences. Erwin's eyes narrowed.

“War is war, Dr. Ackerman. You have never faced the front lines yourself, so it's not for you to judge over me – or my men.”

Levi's heartbeat accelerated. There it was, the confrontation he had longed for during the whole evening. He received it with thanks.

“I understand enough to know that even my servants have more sense of honour as those infantrymen you consider yourself to be part of.”

It fell silent in Hange's salon. Nobody dared to take even one breath. Mike and Pixis raised their gazes and stared at Levi with widened eyes. He formed a thin line with his lips. Even he wasn't sober anymore, even his lips were slightly looser then they used to be. Once he had said those words they sounded even snappier than they had done in his thoughts, but he refused to take them back. He wouldn't apologize as well. In his heart he stood behind what he just said, since he had merely stated what he felt and thought.

Calm on the outside, Erwin placed his cards on the table and straightened up. Mike did the same. Pixis, obviously frustrated over the fact that Levi once more had interrupted their game, impatiently looked back and forth between the men. 

Erwin's mouth opened. His voice had reached a tone that clarified that he had enough of that conversation. He spoke silently, but Levi understood every word, as if someone whispered it directly in his ears.

“Is this your last word?”

Once more their eyes met. It was the last chance to distance himself from the things he had said. Erwin showed goodwill. Secretly he offered Levi his hand, gave him the chance to avoid what had to follow if he didn't refrain from his statements. But like Eren, Levi owned a certain amount of stubbornness. His hands clenched into fists. He wouldn't, by no means, leave victory so easily to a random soldier. 

“This is my last word”, he muttered through his teeth. Erwin nodded.

“If that's the case...” He dropped the cards and stood up. The sterling he had won in prior carelessly was left on the table. Levi avoided it to look at them directly. “...there's nothing that holds us here.”

Erwin nodded towards his friend, who stood, pale and terrified in the middle of the Room.

“We excuse ourselves.”

  


~*~ 

  


The evening society had quickly petered out after the incident. Though Hange had tried to keep the gentlemen from leaving, to reach a clarifying conversation, but unfortunately she had failed. Mike and Erwin who had come with their own carriage, had left immediately and even Levi, who wasn't in the mood for company after what happened, had excused himself soon after. When he thought about Hange now, he couldn't help himself but feel a little guilty, to scare their beloved visitors away. But standing to his words was a choice with no regrets.

Even now, in the morning after, he was still confident with his decision to affront this self-important, ignorant fellow. Together with Eren he sat in the sober kitchen, his legs crossed, the face hidden behind today's newspaper while in front of him stood a cup of fresh and hot english breakfast-tea. Next to this there was a plate on which a slice of bread with butter and orange-marmalade could be found. He preferred a simple but proper breakfast, but Eren, however, saw things different. The scent of fried eggs and bacon filled the air. It was the meal of a boy who was still growing, and had already eaten everything up to a few remaining small crumbs.

“I would like you to make a neat copy of those reports from last week”, Levi mumbled lost in thoughts over the edge of his newspaper and turned the page.

“Yes, Sir.”

Eren nodded and reached for the jug with milk, from which he poured himself a glass. It was the third on this morning. That boy was insatiable.

“After that I need you to buy some things downtown. I placed the order form for the opium on my desk.”

Again the boy nodded and stuffed some bread into his mouth which he had taken from the basket on the middle of the table. While doing so, he lowered his gaze in shame. His was still uncomfortable over the fact that he had broken the bottle of opium.

“And after that...”

There were several important tasks that needed to be done, however, Levi wouldn't make it to give Eren proper instructions. Somebody knocked on the door. Levi, who was still hidden behind his newspaper, turned it down and looked at Eren with a grim face. Someone at this early hour, knocking so heavily usually meant medical emergency which would keep him occupied for the whole day. He peered over to the untouched marmalade bread in front of him. Maybe it would be better to take a first and last bite, since it was questionable whether he would be able to do so once he had received the visitor.

“Eren, be so kind and open the door.”

His protégé took a last gulp of milk and left the kitchen, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He disappeared for a couple of minutes, which caused a certain distrust in Levi, who tried – by now chewing and only half-heartedly – to focus on his newspaper. If it was an emergency, everything had to be done pretty fast. He had no appointments set up for the morning and didn't expect any deliveries. Eventually the door to the kitchen opened again and revealed Eren, whose face had, in that short amount of time, changed completely. He looked as if even the last drop of blood had vanished from his cheeks. The big, green eyes nervously searched for his foster father. Levi furrowed his brows and placed the newspaper on the dining table.

“What's wrong?”

“Lieutenant Zacharias wants to have a conversation with you, Sir.”

Levi's heart stopped beating for a second. Lieutenant Mike Zacharias. His visit at this early hour after such a dreadful ending of yesterday's dinner would most likely mean no good. For a split second the thought that a medical emergency might have been better. Silently he stood up.

“Ask him in.”

Eren nodded and opened the door, which he had kept shut behind him before. When Mike, who had to lower his head due to his body height, stepped into the room, both men welcomed each other with a short nodding. The ash blonde, short hair of the unasked visitor slipped into his face and covered his eyes. With a volatile gesture he slipped them back behind his ears.

“I'm coming as a representative for Commander Smith”, was everything he said for a greeting. He refrained from using polite phrases which would excuse his unannounced appearance. Alarmed Levi furrowed his brows. He knew the signs. He knew the meaning of all of this, but Mike would have to say it out loud before he could actually believe it. Filled with dark premonition about what was going to happen he stayed unmoved on the outside. Petrified he looked at Mike.

“Well”, he said, “what could possibly be of such high importance that he refuses to come by himself?”

Mike snorted while a thin, bitter smile showed on his lips.

“Satisfaction, Dr. Ackerman.”

Mike stepped into the middle of the room. It was obvious he wanted to keep his visit as short as possible. He hadn't taken off his tailcoat and he turned the hat he was holding restlessly back and forth.

“I'm Commander Smiths second. Yesterday night you have irrevocably violated his honour.”

Their eyes met. It was the moment when Levi realized that he, in fact, really wouldn't be able to finish his breakfast.

“He is challenging you to a duel.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Simmi, for your correction basically saved the chapter (srsly, this must have been the worst translation I've ever done in my life). 
> 
> I hope you liked what you just read. I will try to upload a new chapter once a month at least, since the university term in Germany is about to start next week and therefore I won't have as much time as I had before.
> 
> But don't worry, I will work hard to upload more :) Pictures to that chapter can be found at dr-ackerman.tumblt.com <3
> 
> Have a nice weekend.
> 
> HerrKirschbaum


	3. The Duel. Part 1

„He is challenging you to a duel, Dr. Ackerman.”

Like a roaring thunderstorm that suddenly stopped, a breathtaking silence had taken over the room. Mike still stood - the hat clenched within his hands - in the kitchen's doorframe and stared at Levi with severe, brown eyes. Like a hawk that eyed it's prey he appeared unperturbed. Levi, who was affected by the absoluteness of Mike's message much more than he appreciated, returned, unimpressed on the outside, the stare of his vis-á-vis. Listening to his words, Levi's heart had stopped beating for a second. This challenge was something he had secretly expected after the way yesterday's evening had ended, but now, where those words were actually spoken out loud, his knees started, only for a moment though, to feel shaky and weak.

The physician exchanged a look with Eren, who, with round, emerald green eyes, stood next to the ash-blonde giant, too shocked to move. For a second, nobody dared to say a word and it was Eren who finally broke the silence. Before anyone had realized what happened, he headed towards Mike and heavily grabbed his upper arm.

“Isn't there a slight possibility to avoid such a duel, Lieutenant Zacharias, Sir?!”, he eventually burst out. Desperately, his fingers grabbed the fabric of Mike's coat. His behaviour was everything but tolerable and Eren knew that – but didn't seem to care anymore. He was almost a child, overwhelmed by the storm and stress of the youth, which could, if someone was still young in years, wash away someone easily. Yet there was something in his manner which was beyond normal. The boy's eyes shimmered glassy of fear, a fear which had grabbed him so hard that the bit of prudence Levi had taught him with effort over the years, must have been fallen apart within split seconds. It was the fear that he would lose someone he loved through the hands of a stranger.

Obviously confused, Mike looked down at the boy, yet remained silent. Everybody in this room knew that Eren wouldn't create any danger when it came to such a huge man than Mike was. Once more, Eren opened his mouth. Strident, his voice filled the air.

“Can't Dr. Ackerman just apologize and Commander Smith withdraws the challenge? Please! A duel is-”

“Eren, stop it.”

The physician's voice had taken a tone that silenced Eren right away. The boy's gaze changed. As if he realized that he had lost his temper, he immediately let Mike go and stepped back. Doing so, he mumbled words of excuse. He acted in a manner Levi had already been able to witness before, though this had never happened in such an intensity. Like Levi, Eren's childhood had caused grains on the boy's soul which would fade one day, but never disappear. “Haven't I taught you that a man shall take his own words seriously?”

It was a rhetorical question and so he didn't wait for an answer. He turned around instead, straightly looking at Mike, who still stood next to Eren.

“When do you intend to reveal the place and time of the duel, Lieutenant Zacharias?”, he asked icily. It must have been Levi's unimpressed kind of dealing with the situation that caused a fertile smile appeared that on Mike's lips.

“We expect you tomorrow morning by six o'clock at the estate of Stenton Park.”

Levi nodded and folded his arms in front of his chest. In a storm of images, thoughts raced through his mind. He had always been a survival artist who somehow had managed it to get through, but it had been a long time since he had directed himself into such an... unfortunate situation. Thoughtfully he looked at the tiled floor and tried to bring order in the world of chaos that formed inside his head. It would be a hectic day, that was for certain. As he raised his head, Mike still eyed him in a relentless, uncomfortable manner.

“You have to determine a second who takes care of the details and shall replace you in case of indisposition.”

“I know.”

Levi's lips formed a thin line. Even though his social rank was too low to be taken seriously by gentlemen such as Lieutenant Zacharias and Commander Smith, Levi was very well aware about the rules and structure of such a spectacle. In his youth he had witnessed his fair share of duels by himself, had seen with his own eyes how men who had barely reached adulthood, shot each other. He had attended such meetings as comrade or as doctor and not just once the participants of such a dispute had died under his own hands. When a man whose life was in full bloom realized that he was going to die, the priorly shown self-confidence suddenly disappeared. The only thing that remained was a child longing for the arms of its mother.

However – he needed a second. Thoughtfully Levi furrowed his brow, tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear. There was hardly anyone close enough as if Levi could have asked him for such a favour. Due to her sex, Hange was no option and the young Armin Arlert had such sensitive nerves that he would be paralysed in horror once Erwin had drawn out his gun. He was too proud to ask Dot Pixis and Eren...

“I am his second!”

Brought back to reality, Levi looked over to his protégé who had clenched his hands to fists, watching the others with a fiercely determined expression. Tousled strands of brown hair hid his eyes. Levi watched him in silent concern. The chance that Eren had to fight this duel in his place was vanishingly small and yet everything in him resisted. During the past years he hadn't put so much effort in that boy, only to expose him to a risk of an affair he was hardly involved in. Apart from that he was, barely sixteen years old, way too young for such things.

“Eren.”

The boy stopped and turned around. The fear had disappeared from his gaze, which rested on his mentor in a way that Levi knew right away that he wouldn't convince him to act otherwise. Levi had always taken great care to parent him to a responsible and mature person who was able to make his own decisions.

Obviously, Eren had just done so. With rapid movements he passed through the room, stopping right in front of Levi, only separated from him through the dining table. With a vehement movement, he bowed forward while his hands rested supportingly on the dark wooden table top.

“Please, Levi, Sir! Just once I want to be of any good use to you.”

There was something begging in his voice and in the youthful face, which took away the hardness it had shown before. Levi sighed. Did Eren see himself that way? As a financial burden for him? If Levi would only care about such things he would have never taken him into his house in the first place. It was not his teenage protégé who was speaking now rather than a little boy, who knew how it felt to lose those he loved and who was willed to do everything to make sure this would never happen again.

“Don't be stupid”, Levi said eventually. “You've always been of good use to me, Eren.”

The younger one solidified. The tension, which had overtaken him since Mike had arrived, suddenly disappeared. And still – this one time Levi had to let him go. Yet he would make sure that Eren wouldn't be in the firing line.

Levi nodded towards Mike.

“You've heard the boy. He will act as my second. Take him with you and discuss with him whatever you need to.”

 

~*~

 

Two hours had passed since then. Levi had sent them to his parlour before he went back to the kitchen. It was not the duelists task to negotiate the circumstances for their upcoming confrontation. During all times it had been the duty of the representatives, of the so called _seconds_. Secretly, Levi wished it to be different, since it had given him a possibility to distract himself from the unavoidable. Thus, he had remained alone. Alone with himself and his thoughts, which wouldn't stop racing since he had received this sinister information. His heart filled with an inner restlessness, which would not lessen even after he had removed the remains of their breakfast and left the house afterwards. He needed some time alone to deal with all these impressions which had overwhelmed him during the past half an hour. Not knowing where his steps would take him, he had put one foot in front of the other, until he had reached the coast. For one hour he had stood on the green grass, resting his gaze on the white sandstone cliffs while he watched the surf. Those minutes of silence and isolation were balm for his soul. And as the pleasant inner emptiness had returned in the end, he had turned around and headed back.

 

His hand had hardly grabbed the knob of the door which led through his garden to his house, as a voice sounded behind him. A voice he knew quite too well.

“Oh, this is a fine mess you dragged yourself into, Levi Ackerman.”

Levi, who had enough of formalities for today, sighed in an irritated manner. As he turned around, his lips twitched, inspired by the deep wish that he was maybe, after all, mistaken. Destiny, however, had no mercy for him.

Right behind him, there stood Hange Zoe.

 

She sat at the kitchen table, the same place where Eren had taken his breakfast before. Thick strains of auburn hair surrounded her face. She was not very gifted when it came to hairstyles that made it through the day and so it looked tousled and unkempt. Shadows of distress were under her eyes. She wore a simple, plain day dress but no jewels. It was obvious that she hadn't slept much.

With a pot of tea in the one hand and two cups in the other Levi came over from the oven and silently served the tea.

“I'm sorry, Hange.”

It hardly ever happened that he asked pardon, but today, so many things were different. Levi pulled one of the chairs over and sat down as well. Without any further word he took the first sip while his fingers gently touched the cup only on its edges, leaving the filigree handhold disregarded.

“Erwin wrote me that he challenged you to a duel”, she said.

Her voice, usually a spring of exuberant energy sounded severe and joyless. Levi nodded, staring at his cup in silence.

“That's correct”, he answered. “Lieutenant Zacharias is here right now. He's discussing the details with Eren in the drawing room.”

Hange pulled a wry face. Her slender hands grabbed the cup's handhold slightly harder, as if they searched for something they could cling on. Afterwards she took a big gulp of tea. She knew both duelists for many, many years, was friends with both and would have liked to take sides with both of them, knowing, that this was a matter of impossibility. While Levi was only in fear for one life, she feared for two.

“What are you going to do about that, Levi?”

The physician fell silent for a while before he took another sip of tea. His voice barely showed anything of the emotions that filled his chest. Rather than that, he appeared severe and rational like usual. He wasn't a man of exuberant emotions.

“I need to get my affairs in order”, he answered.

A shadow scurried over Hange's face. Both knew that Erwin, as a soldier, was clearly at an advantage when it came to the handling of weapons. It was a disadvantage Levi wouldn't be able to offset until dawn. He was used to take care of himself from earliest childhood days, struggling for his right to live, but all this wasn't of any use if one was simply inferior. She tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear while looking at him, thoughtfully. Doing so, her eyes wandered over every point of his face, as if she hoped to find answers to her questions that way. He felt uncomfortable being stared at like this. In the end he lowered his gaze.

“Couldn't you just try to straighten out this whole affair? Does it really have to end in this childish duel, Levi?”

The physician snorted.

“You know this isn't possible”, he mumbled in agony. “Soldiers are obligated to restore their honour if they don't want to lose their good reputation – and risk a dishonourable discharge.”

She looked down and fell silent. Then, suddenly, she leaned over the table and grabbed Levi's wrist, with a intensity Levi had always disliked. In the beginning he tried to get rid of her, but stopped fighting as he noticed her expression.

“What?”, he whispered tonelessly. She moved even closer and stopped only as their faces were of the same height.

“I tell you the same things I wrote to Erwin, so listen. If there is something I can do to help you, if you need anything, let me know. Okay?”

Their eyes met. He never showed any interest in her offers but today things were slightly different. He hesitated for a moment, but eventually opened his mouth for an answer.

“There might be something.”

“What is it?”

He looked at his cup and watched the fuming tea before he continued. Earl Grey. Three minutes by 100 degrees, no milk, no sugar. He drank it that way ever since he could imagine. How often had he scolded Eren because he had messed up the preparation methods of Breakfast Tea and Earl Grey again? He couldn't remember.

“Assuming the fact that Commander Smith's wish will be fulfilled and I catch a bullet by tomorrow morning”, he interrupted himself, obviously searching for the right words, “take care of Eren.”

He spoke with a calm voice that faded with every word, so that it took Hange some effort to understand him. If tomorrow's coming together would end to his disadvantage, Eren would inherit enough not to be a bother for Hange. She nodded, strengthening her grip around his wrist in a way that was increasingly painful.

“I will take care of him. Be unconcerned”, she whispered and forced Levi to smile gently.

“Well”, he said calmly, “thank you, Hange.”

Behind them, the clicking of the kitchen door being unlocked filled the air. Immediately Hange let him go, taking a pose that was appropriate for a lady of her rank. Together they looked over and finally noticed Eren, who stood in the door frame. The linen cravat he used to wear had been taken off. He was certainly pale, but still there was a slight reddish shimmer on his cheeks. Ashamed, he lowered his gaze, his lips forming nothing but a thin line. It was obvious that he had overheard the previous conversation, be that on purpose or by accident. Unconsciously Levi bit his lower lip. That was exactly what he had wanted to avoid.

“Has Lieutenant Zacharias left already?”, he asked finally to deflect from the situation. Eren nodded cautiously, his face like a mask, equaling a doll made from porcelain.

“Yes. He just returned to Stenton Park minutes ago.”

His voice was trembling from helpless anger over the previous discussion with Mike. His arms pressed against his upper body, the hands clenched to fists, he stared on the ground. Levi emptied his cup and let his fingers run through his black hair.

“Could you clarify everything?”

A shiver ran through Eren's body. In the end the boy nodded, closing his eyes for a moment, as if it needed all of his self-control to deal with the situation. It seemed as if the conversation had turned out to their disadvantage, but Levi, if he was honest, didn't want to know any details so far.

“Everything has been arranged, Sir”, would be the last thing Eren said for the next hours.

 

~*~

 

The sun was about to rise and another day to start. First, golden sun rays slid over the horizon and covered everything in matte, still cold light.

In silence, Levi sat on his bed, whose linen had remained untouched during the night. On a simple wooden side table stood a candle holder made of brass. Already hours ago, its light had expired. Levi had abstained from lighting a new candle and preferred to spend the night in the whitish moonlight. Next to the candle holder there stood a heavy glass, in which still the rests of barely touched liquor remained. Scottish whiskey. He wasn't willed to get drunk, but some alcohol would loosen his nerves. Inhibitions weren't of any good use by what was going to come.

Not one minute of sleep he had found in this night. Around four in the morning he had given up and got dressed. Since then he was sitting here. His hands rested in his lap while his steel grey eyes stared into space, expressionlessly. He was fully sunken in thoughts. On his pillow, sealed with red sealing wax, there was a bundle of letters. Levi had spent the prior day preparing himself for his possible death and ordered his affairs, so that Eren, if the worst had to happen, wouldn't need to do all of this by himself. It was a rather strange feeling to see his whole life incorporated in such few pieces of paper. It made him realize that it wasn't much of a bother to make a person fully disappear from this world's surface.

From time to time he moved his fingers without even noticing. His hands were cold as ice.

At six o'clock they would meet in order to duel each other. Erwin had, according to Eren's descriptions, preferred pistols instead of sabres. It was the right of the offended person to choose the kind of weapon for the upcoming confrontation and so, Eren had found himself unable to interfere. Levi wasn't sure to think about this. Erwin, who had been trained in fighting all these years in the English Military would cut a good figure with both of them, better than Levi, who lacked of any experience with those utensils.

Silently Levi looked over to the window, through which he watched the slowly enlightening heaven. It was only a matter of minutes until the horse carriage would pick them up. And even if he remained calm on the outside, his nervousness made him feel like his throat was tied up. Every now and then he took a deep breath, hoping to quiet himself down, but it didn't work. More than death he feared dying. And he wasn't worried as much about himself as he was about the destiny of his protégé.

Levi took the glass of whiskey and was about to take a sip as somebody knocked on the door. He stopped and looked over to the source of the knocking sound.

“Yes?”

Eren stepped in. He was already dressed as well and remarkably equaled Levi in his appearance. A waistcoat from anthracite tweet and a jacket in pitch black. For a moment he remained in the door, undecided what to do. It barely ever happened that he met Levi here, since he was forbidden to enter this room except for the daily cleaning routine. Reluctantly he kneaded the leather gloves he used to wear when they went out in his hands, searching for the right words.

Levi placed the glass on the side table and watched his foster son, whose emerald eyes examined him closely.

“What is it, Eren?”, Levi asked with an irritated voice.

The boy cleared his throat and maintained an upright stance. Doing so, his fingers once more tightened around the gloves.

“Sir, the horse carriage has arrived. I told the driver to wait downstairs.”

“Thank you.”

He acknowledged the boy's words with a short nodding. For a moment he looked at the rests of whiskey on the glasses bottom before he noticed that Eren, who usually disappeared after such errands, remained in his room. As Eren remarked Levi's confusion about this, he tried to smile but didn't really succeed. Embarrassed he let his fingers run through the brown hair and lowered his gaze. He may tried to hide his feelings, but since Mike's visit, this boy was totally rattled.

Suspiciously, Levi furrowed his brow.

“What's wrong, Eren?”

Eren hesitated for an instant, then he closed the door behind him and stepped towards Levi. His eyes nervously scanned the room while the shadows underneath indicated that he hadn't slept much more than his foster father. For a long time, neither of them dared to say a word. Strains of hair had shifted into Eren's face and covered wide parts of it. His hands clenched into fists, so hard, that all the blood was pressed out of the shimmering white knuckles. Honest surprise appeared on Levi's face and the narrow, usually squinted eyes widened. He opened his mouth but hesitated before he eventually broke the silence.

“Eren?”, he whispered.

The boy's shoulders started to shudder. Thereafter Levi noticed first tears that ran over the full cheeks and silently dropped down to earth. With a sizzling sound Levi gasped for air, before he lowered his gaze in embarrassment. As he turned back to Eren, their eyes met and for a split second only, pictures of their past went through his mind. Eren, barely ten years old, the limbs only covered by shreds of ragged, dirty clothes. On the day when they had first met Eren had shown the same expression on his face. A child, so thin that others had already laid down in the gutter to die. The face, sunken and pale, had changed, yet the eyes had remained the same. They inhered the same fire as back then. But today Levi noticed something else.

Fear.

Eren feared for Levi's life. That was easy to see and couldn't be denied. He feared that it was only a matter of a few hours until the person he considered himself close to could die through the hands of a stranger. At this early hour no one knew what this morning would bring.

“You... can't die”, Eren suddenly pressed through gritted teeth and brought Levi back down to earth. He was still struggling with tears which ran over his face against his will. Angrily he raised his arm and wiped them away with the back of his hand. Levi had always treated Eren in a strict and disassociated manner yet still – for some reason Eren had set his heart on this single, harsh man.  
Levi snuffled. Eren, who slowly let his arm sink, watched his step father from tear stained eyes.

“Don't be stupid. I'm not planning to die, Eren”, he said.

On Eren's face a slight, though melancholic smile appeared. It didn't last long. For one moment Eren struggled with himself, before another flood of tears and emotions burst out of him. Before Levi could react, Eren sank on his knees and grabbed the physician's hands which had rested in his lap. The boy's head sunk forward until his forehead gently touched Levi's knee. The youthful body shivered and his grip was dominated by a soft but certain force.

“If he hurts you I will kill him with my own, bare hands”, he growled with a desperation that wouldn't let Levi doubt for one second that Eren was serious. With his tall figure and rigid character he appeared mature but it didn't change the fact that deep inside he was nothing but the child Levi had taken from the streets back then.

The death threat was everything Eren managed to say before he abandoned himself to his fear of loss. It was a sad scene, something Levi hadn't seen for a long time and which made him feel guilty. Eventually, after moments of hesitation, he loosened his hand from Eren's grip and ran his fingers through the boy's hair, comforting, almost tenderly. The steel grey eyes rested in silent bitterness on his protégé. It was the moment when Levi eventually realized that it was his duty to return from this duel unharmed. Not only for himself, but for Eren as well. He would show Commander Smith that he had challenged the wrong person.

 

~ End of the first part ~

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks,
> 
> you may forgive, I've been in a hurry. The university term started once more, and I'm struggling with 16h-days, writing the new german chapters for Lend me your summer while translating the rest. I want to upload new parts every 2 weeks (though I can't promise this), and since this is a long ass chapter, as Levi might say, I decided to divide it into 2 parts.
> 
> Anyway. I know, Erer appears a little strong in the beginning for an Eruri-Fiction, but I wanted to make sure what kind of bond they share. I hope you liked it anyway.
> 
> Well, have a nice weekend. I will catch you guys in two weeks.


	4. The Duel. Part 2

 

Not one word had left their lips during the ride. Thoughtfully Levi had stared into the morning sky, his temple leaning against the thin frame of the misted window glass. The clouds were already glowing in the dark red that announced the approaching day. Every yard they had covered was accompanied by the chirping of the early awakened birds.

Stenton Park, was located out in the countryside, which had been used by the gentry for the hunt at all times and was therefore a couple of miles away from Brighthampton.

And so, their journey took some time.

Just as Levi started to believe their trip would probably never come to an end the carriage passed an artfully stonewalled gate, to whose both sides a lapidary, reared up horse welcomed them. Only minutes later, after gardens, avenues and water fountains, they came to a stop on a paved place close to the main building. It was a huge house of three storeys, whose dimensions were impressive without appearing exaggerated. The front was made out of grey stone. In the middle a huge staircase led to a balcony from which the main entrance could be accessed through heavy wooden doors, framed by enormous Corinthian pillars. The extensive, perfectly arranged landscapes and gardens did the rest. Nothing that could be seen here had happened by chance.

This house was a jewel of timeless elegance.

Silently, Levi took out his pocket watch and looked at the richly ornamented dial. It was barely six o'clock in the morning. They had made it in time.

If the reason for his visit wouldn't have been such an unpleasant one, Levi had probably enjoyed it here.

He took a deep breath and placed the clock back into the pocket of his waistcoat. Frozen stiff from the early morning temperatures he left the carriage and stepped into the middle of the courtyard. His gaze was wandering around, noticing all the small details, until Eren noisily slammed the carriage's doors, bringing him back to earth. Together, they headed the front entrance, where a servant was already expecting them. After a short welcome, he led them inside.

It was the first time for Levi to enter a room of such extravagant design. Behind him, Eren moaned in fascination, but Levi pulled himself together, not showing the admiration he was feeling. He was aware of the fact that he had achieved a remarkable social rise, but the financial distance to these gentlemen here was beyond imaginable. Ceilings, several yards in height, covered by tapestry in the colour of the sun. Stucco and decorations shined in a bright crème, while the tiles underneath their feeds were made from real marble. Except for some paintings and side tables there was hardly any furniture to be seen. It was a room for representative purposes, not for personal comfort. Both Levi and Eren noticed this at first glance.

They followed the servant in silence through hallways and staircases until they stopped in front of a white white door. The servant knocked and stepped inside, leaving the physician and his protégé behind.

“A Dr. Ackerman and a Mr. Jaeger, Sir”, it sounded muffled from inside. A rush of anxiety suddenly filled Levi's chest. Had he acted remarkably calm and severe until now, the nervousness of the upcoming duel suddenly took him over once the servant had announced their arrival.

Levi cleared his throat and straightened his clothes as the doors opened once more, revealing him and the boy. Before he said one word of salutatory his eyes hastily wandered around.

It was a room, smaller than the entrance hall, but of the same colour. While the stucco and ceiling paintings indicated the true age of the house, the furniture was rather modern and simple. The marble tiles had been replaced by warm, wooden parquet, giving the room a certain cosiness. There were paintings, shelves with books, bric-a-brac everywhere.

On the opposite side of the room he saw Pixis. He stood close to the open fire place, staring, a glass with brandy in his right hand, into the flames. He didn't appear drunk, though his cheeks shimmered in the usual, not utterly sober red.

On the sofa, which was located a couple of yards to his left, there sat Hange. She looked tired. Shadows lay underneath her eyes. She had abandoned the battle to tame her unmanageable hair and so it cascaded over her shoulders in gentle waves. Her face was signed with deep sorrow which could only be felt by those for who every victory would also mean a certain loss. Whoever was about to succeed, she would remain in sorrow.

Close to her, sitting at a small, wooden table, there were Mike and Erwin. Unlike the others they appeared to have had a late supper or early breakfast. There was sliced bread, cold roast to be seen. Furthermore there was butter and marmalade. Black tea fumed in cups that were placed in front of them. Its aroma filled the air.

As their eyes met, Erwin nodded towards to the physician who hesitated, noticing the expression on the commander’s face. While Mike, who had stood up in courtesy, eyed him with no remarkable anger or friendliness, the warmth which had inhered Erwin’s face during their first meeting had disappeared completely. It had been replaced by an icy coldness which was intimidating if not threatening. The blue eyes stared at him with a piercing glance, as if he was a machine, not a human being.

“Good morning, Dr. Ackerman”, he said calmly. Levi pressed his lips together.

“Good morning, Commander Smith”, he replied.

A tense silence befell the attendees who stared at each other, not willing to be the first one to lower their gaze. It might have been true that nobody was holding a pistol right now, yet the fight had already begun.

Eventually Pixis, who still stood close to the fire place, raised his voice. He was in an astonishing good mood and the small, wrinkled eyes sparkled in expectation of the approaching duel.

“You look tired, Dr. Ackerman”, he remarked, grinning. Levi snorted with anger.

“According to your faces you keep me in good company”, he answered.

An amused chuckle left Pixis’ throat.

“Well, I guess this can be agreed with. We preferred to not find any sleep rather than not enough. Some brandy, a good game of whist and time flies.”

“Is that so?”

It was a sneering remark and therefore Levi didn’t receive an answer. In one long gulp Pixies emptied his own glass and went over to the side table, where he placed it uninhibited between butter and marmalade. Cheerfully he folded his arms in front of his chest. He looked to be more than excited for the others to get started.

“Levi.”

The physician turned around and saw Hange, who had left the sofa, now standing next to him. Without waiting for a reaction, she grabbed his shoulders and took him aside. Her brown eyes rested on him, filled with grief and sorrow, while her expression showed that she struggled finding the right words.

Levi knew what she was thinking. And she probably had not given up yet, still hoping to convince the duellists to find a peaceful solution. Since Levi was neither an aristocrat nor a member of the gentry it was not self-evident that he could be challenged. It was the doctor’s title that made him a gentleman – and therefore capable of giving satisfaction.

“Please”, she began whispering with a low voice. “There is no need for you to do that. You’re not a soldier, nor a student, of high rank or birth, or…”

Levi took a deep breath and reached for Hange’s hands, which still curled into the jacket’s fabric. He loosened them with soft force, while looking at her long and with a severe face.

How could she even think that such cowardly behaviour was an option for him?

“Stop it. I take responsibility for my actions. Despite that… whoever plays along the upper class has to play by their rules, am I right?”

He tried to let go of her hands, but she forged ahead and grabbed his wrist. They exchanged a long, intensive look, during which Levi’s eyes progressively narrowed. That woman - she truly was irredeemable.

“Shitty four eyes”, he growled “Cut it out.”

With a jerk, he escaped her grip “I’m deeply sorry that I’m causing you inconveniences, but things cannot be changed.”

Her expression suddenly darkened. She gave up, stepping back.

“You are as stubborn as a goat, Levi. And a fool. Both of you.”

Levi turned away. He didn’t want to hear that, knowing in secret that she was perfectly right. It was his pride who closed him to her words. How should she understand? She had never been in a situation that could be compared to what he was going through right now. It was easy to talk when the sex itself determined already that someone would never have to face a similar situation.

“Be that as it may…”

It was Erwin’s voice which, deep and not willed to tolerate any contradiction - cut their conversation short. “We should get over and done with this unpleasant matter as soon as possible.”

He gained an agreeing nod from Pixis, who had reached out for remains of the breakfast, chewing a piece of sliced bread. Mike as well acceded in silence. Once more Levi eyed the commander, whose facial still equalled a mask. That coldness inhered by those blue eyes made him shiver. Those were the eyes of a man who would send his own men to die once the situation required it. Levi had no doubt about that.

“You’re right”, Levi eventually could hear himself say. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

A glade formed the place of their duel, flanking a piece of woodlands not far from the main building. Here, framed by trees, surrounded by shrubberies and bushes, they were hidden from the sight of passing outsiders. Duels were illegal after all.

The occasional cracking of green mixed into the birds' cheerful chirping, proving that there were other creatures around even though they couldn’t be seen. The air was moist of dew, which had remained on the surface of leaves and blades of grass. Now, where the new day began, it rose in form of dense fog. The temperatures had fallen since the company's arrival. And yet the sky, whose red colour progressively faded into a weak blue, extended over their heads, cloudless and free. It would be a beautiful day. That was for certain.

 

At the foot of an old oak stood Eren and Hange. She had covered herself with a brown coat, over which she wore a shimmering cashmere scarf. Tired and nervous as they all were, they shivered in the face of the chilly morning. Eren, who carried a big leather case in his arms, had, in the meantime, kneeled on the ground, where he placed it in the moist gras. With precise fingers he unlocked the golden closures and flipped the case open. Again he gasped for air. This time, though, it revealed a mixture of surprise and admiration. As Levi, who stood next to him, caught sight of the case's content, he held his breath. Embedded in light brown silk they laid, beautiful and deadly at once: two identical, with ornaments and golden inlays decorated pistols.

Levi, who had already witnessed some duels before, had barely seen a weapon of such elegance. They would face each other with this kind of equipment. Erratically he licked his lips and looked over to Erwin, who stood close to him on the gras. He was eyeing the pistols as well, the face so blank that Levi was by no means able to tell what the commander was thinking in that moment.

Behind them, the sound of rapid movements whirling up the moistened leaves filled the air. It was Hange, who passed Levi as fast as she could, eventually grabbing Erwin's upper arm. Her face showed open outrage over his choice of weapons.

“Erwin, I beg you”, she started and Levi believed to notice an angry sparkle in her eyes. Her voice was trembling. “Pistols?! Why no sabres? Weren't you the one to say only the weak and cowards hide themselves behind pistols? Please, explain it to me for I don't understand you.”

Blue eyes rested on Hange for a moment before Erwin grabbed her hand and removed it from his upper arm, like Levi had done it back in the parlour. He pressed it tenderly, then let it go.

“Because I'm more skilled in the use of weapons, Hange”, he answered so silently that Levi could hardly understand. Hange turned away, her cheeks glowing red and suddenly, Levi understood her intentions. She knew that his experiences with weapons were limited to the use of a scalpel. Never before he had plied with a sabre or even a pistol. He had been quite handy with knives when he was younger, but this was a skill of no good use in this duel. They didn't fight according to the rules of England's outlaws but of the gentry's code of honour.

She obviously feared that Erwin would shoot Levi within split seconds and thereby putting the duel to a swift end.

Mike who had watched the argument in silence exchanged a momentous look with Erwin. In the end, Mike nodded.

“I agree with her. Sabres would be the better choice, Erwin”, he began carefully, tugging the brown leather gloves he was wearing. If one fought for his honour, the first injury to be received ended the duel. This applied for both sabres and pistols, yet the second variant used to end more frequent with the death of one of the participants.

“Are you sure?”, Mike insisted. The commander nodded.

“I am.”

He looked over to Levi, who looked back and forth between his protégé and the leather case. Even Eren was shivering. The slim shoulders trembled, while Levi remained motionless. He felt numb. It would be better to get this done soon before they had lost their agility to the cold.

He gave his protégé a nod and together they joined the others. Eren, who acted as his second, and who served as mediator together with Mike, forged ahead with large steps. Had he appeared childlike and desperate in Levi's sleeping room, now a wild determination dominated his eyes. He would defend his foster father to his very last breath and Levi knew that – secretly elated about it. As Eren opened his mouth, his voice had taken a uncompromising, biting cold tone.

“If it can't be sabres at least increase the distance, Sir”, he said and stopped in front of Erwin, folding his arms. The commander raised his brows and looked over to his friend.

“What has been decided, Mike?”, he asked, leaving Levi stunned. Erwin seemed to trust his second in an unconditional manner, like men who had gone through hell with each other used to do.

“Twenty-five steps”, he answered shortly. “A one-off exchange of shots should straighten out this matter.”

For a second Erwin's eyes narrowed. He folded his arms in front of his chest and subtly shook his head.

“Though twenty-five steps could be considered sufficient, in this case it's too much.”

Mike's face went blank. He leaned forward and gently touched his friend on the shoulder.

“Erwin. The distance is already of smaller length than usual”, he whispered. “Why do you want to be so close to him?”

“Even civilians deserve the chance to succeed, Mike.”

First wrinkles of sorrow showed on the giants forehead. 

Levi's expression darkened. Even civilians deserved the chance... There it was again, that arrogance that had disgusted him back the other day. Next to Levi, Eren breathed heavily, stepping closer. Honest indignation was written all over his face. Not very impressed, Erwin eyed the boy.

“Commander Smith, a distance of this sort is unacceptable. You seem to forget that you are not duelling an experienced military like yourself but a physician! Not killing people is his trade, but saving lives!”

“I'm aware of that, Mr. Jaeger”, Erwin interrupted the boy before he could continue his monologue. “Yet with his impertinent behaviour this physician has lost any need of such thoughtfulness until the end of this duel.”

As Erwin had ended, he leaned towards Mike, whispering something in his ear the others couldn't understand. The other one nodded several times while he listened to his friend's words.

“Ten steps”, Mike said eventually, once more giving his best friend a judging look.

“Twenty”, Eren answered quick like a shot.

“Fifteen.”

They stared at each other until Eren finally gave a moan and shrugged.

“Fine. Fifteen steps it is then.”

Levi looked to the blonde commander and suddenly bit his lips as he noticed the same expression as he had seen back then. Again Erwin appeared like things went according to his very own plans. He had tried to trick him into something. It was obvious. Levi clenched his hands into fists.  _ Oh, that damn bastard _ , he thought and lowered his gaze, trying to ignore all those questions that suddenly ran through his mind. How it would feel like once the cartridge hit his body. When it severed his tissue and nerve tracts, smashing his bones, probably even getting stuck in his chest. How long would it take until he noticed the wound? How long until the first blood soaked his clothes and the pain filled his limbs? How long would he have then until he died? Would he suffer like that suicide victim he had taken care of?

Being doomed to only watch other people negotiating about his faith and which circumstances would end his life felt strangely surreal.

“I don't get why it has to be a duel in the first place”, Hange joined again and readjusted the fit of her glasses. “You could also play a party of chess. Or you could drink each other under the table if that helps you. What is it with you men that you always have to shoot each other for everything and nothing?”

A thin smile showed on Mike's lips and even Erwin couldn't hide a gentle grin.

“Since he's a soldier that's no option, Hange, you know that”, Mike began while he ran his fingers through his ash-blonde hair. Levi noticed the silent intimacy between those three and grit his teeth, while he tried to ignore the feeling of exclusion. “He is obligated to demand satisfaction”, Mike continued. “Otherwise he risks the loss of his good reputation and a dishonourable discharge from the military.”

Erwin nodded in agreement, then turned away and went over to Pixis, who in the meanwhile had started to prepare the weapons. It had been him who was generous enough to lend them to Levi and Erwin. In silence, Mike, Hange, Levi and Eren looked at the commander who appeared so settled and prepared as if he'd been made from the same marble as the tiles of Stenton Park's entrance hall.

Only a few minutes later Pixis gave the signal. With a severe face he handed over the pistols that turned out to be heavier than Levi had imagined. One last time he looked over to Hange and Eren, then he took his position in the middle of the glade. While Levi and Erwin stood face to face, the others positioned in a line next to them.

It felt as if someone had slowed down the flow of time as they exchanged a long look. Erwin's eyes rested on Levi's face, steadfastly and with such strong self-confidence, that Levi shivered in his heart. That man... He was able to drop his humanity to achieve his goals. It was the gaze of a soldier who could build walls around the things he had seen whenever the situation required it. Levi couldn't help himself but to stare at him, his lips slightly opened.

Eventually Erwin grabbed Levi's hand and shook it, which enabled Levi to loosen his eyes from Erwin's face. After a couple of seconds Levi tried to get rid of him, but for a moment only, Erwin's hand tightened its grip, keeping Levi from doing so. When Erwin finally did let him go, Levi's heart was beating heavily in his chest. What on earth was that supposed to mean?

“Good luck”, was all Erwin said as he turned around. Levi followed, having no time to rack his brains. The old, well known anger once more took over, darkening his face. Did this man really think that he could impress him acting in such a dreadful manner only because he was not skilled with weapons as a physician? Still – what an untactful and pocketing handshake this had been. The ridiculous attempt to unsettle him, certainly. A coward, sneaky and almost miserable way of acting, just like his choice of weapons.

Suddenly the nervousness he had endured to this moment disappeared. He would show that man that he was not supposed to treat him that way. He might have had no combat training, but luck favours the bold. Tightly grabbing the rip of his pistol, Levi stepped back until his shoulders hit the commander's back. He looked over to Pixis until he finally raised his hands, letting the duel begin. After that, Levi started his Fifteen steps.

His heart was hammering in his chest, as if jumping out every second. His nerves were strung to the breaking point. The rustling of the leaves, every cracking sound of the branches droned in his ears, mixing in the whistle of his own breath.

He would be the one to gain satisfaction, a price for Erwin's arrogant attitude towards him. It might not have been that Levi was from a wealthy family, but he had turned out to be a member of society that was more than mere average. Someone like Erwin Smith, who couldn’t hide the smell of his fortune, who had already held his place in society from the moment of his birth, would hardly be able to understand him. He, Levi Ackerman, deserved the same amount of respect. In a few seconds Levi would prove him that even dirt could sparkle like diamonds.

Fifteen.

Levi held his breath and stopped. Slowly he turned on his heels. He was not allowed to hesitate. He had to act fast. Fast, but precisely. There was only on bullet in his pistol, only one chance to do the right thing.

He raised his Arm, reaching out and tried to focus the enemy with notch and bead sights. He pulled back the little hammer until it locked. Only marginally he noticed that Erwin turned around as well. The shiver of the locking hammer had barely reached his hand, as the deafening sound of exploding gunpowder reached him from Erwin’s side. The commander had shot first. His eyes widened in terror, Levi fired as well.

 

After that, time seemed to have stopped.

 

Paralysed and numb, Levi stared straight ahead. He was so nervous that his knees almost collapsed under the weight of his body. The sound of blood rushing through his veins droned in his ears. He held his breath and waited. Waited for the pain which, with the bullet that just had pierced his body, would definitely occur within the next seconds. Erwin had forestalled him. And still, he had shot himself. Had Levi hit him?

 

He waited for the pain in vain.

 

As the horror faded, Levi looked down his body. Frantically his eyes examined chest, arms and legs.

There was no wound and even flecks of fresh blood couldn’t be seen. After he had convinced himself that he was unharmed, he sighed in relief and closed his eyes for a second. Erwin hadn’t shot him. He was in perfect health. The duel was over. And Erwin had gained his satisfaction. From now on they could separate and never see each other again. There was no need to even talk to each other. That was… if Levi’s bullet hadn’t hit him.

 

Slowly he raised his head and watched Erwin, who lowered his gun and looked over. Their eyes met. Even though Levi was glad that he had escaped the shooting uninjured, his face kept his blank expression. Erwin did the same. Mike had already come over, taking the pistol away from his friend. The commander appeared unharmed.

From the corner of his eyes Levi noticed something dark, moving towards the ground. Leaves, he thought, just leaves. Then, the sound of something heavy hitting the ground filled the air. Bewildered, Levi raised his brows and Erwin, who still returned his gaze, frowned. The severe expression on his face disappeared. Split seconds later honest surprise showed in his eyes, fading into massive sorrow. Alarmed, Levi’s eyes widened.

“Eren!”

It was Hange’s voices that broke the silence, so loud and shrill, that surrounding birds escaped fluttering. Her cry echoed from the treetops in agony. Holding the pistol still in his hands, Levi whirled around.

Yards behind him, sideways, there was a bundle of a human being, wrapped into a dark tailcoat, lying on the ground. Thrown down in a careless manner, the lifeless body, who laid face down in the mud, was moving no longer. Next to him, at one of the old trees, Levi noticed a fresh notch. A stray bullet? Erwin’s shot…

With a hissing sound Levi gasped for breath.

“Eren.”

Levi dropped his pistol, turned around and ran over to his protégé. As he reached him, he fell on his knees. His steel-grey eyes, usually narrow and glaring, stood wide open and a fear he had believed long forgotten had reached for his heart. Seconds later Hange had reached them as well, her face white as snow. Restlessly Levi examined the boy’s back, but couldn’t find any injuries which would have explained the collapse of his protégé.

“Help me to turn him around”, he whispered out of breath and grabbed the boy’s shoulders.

Together they turned him on his back during which Eren’s lifeless face was revealed. The soft, curved lips stood slightly open. The skin was pale and bloodless, while his eyes were only halfway closed. Through lowered lashes Levi noticed the green of his eyes that had shimmered in fury only moments ago. His eyes appeared wax-like and empty.

Levi looked down on Eren’s chest and suddenly discovered something that left him frozen and desperate. On the left side, at the height of his heart, the fabric of his shirt had taken a dark red colour. Levi, who still grabbed the boy’s shoulders, couldn’t help himself but stare at the wound, the dead-like face of Eren, alternating, in growing agony.

“No”, he whispered silently. “No…”

He was… Erwin had…

Behind him in the grass he noticed the sound of sudden steps approaching. Levi didn't need to look up to know that it must have been Erwin, Mike and Pixis.

Grief grabbed his heart, sending a pain through his chest that couldn’t be compared to anything he had experienced before. He whirled around, the face distorted in rage. If Eren weren’t lying on the ground between them, he had scrambled on his feet and torn the commander into pieces.

“You shot my assistant”, he hissed, his voice filled with hatred, while Erwin looked at him with severe, motionless eyes. He didn’t say anything. Like Hange, every colour had faded from his face. After a short time of hesitating, he finally opened his mouth, but Levi wouldn’t let him come far.

“Sir, I’m deeply…”

“You bloody twat, you act up like you’re such an honourable veteran and then you’re not even capable of hitting the right target?!”

Suddenly a fire blazed up in Erwin’s icy blue eyes, a fire that Levi had never expected in him. With a grim expression Erwin stepped closer. As he spoke, an anger could be heard in his voice, which, after all, appeared remarkable rational and calm.

“If _you_ had been capable of holding your tonguer it wouldn’t have come to this in the first place, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi let go of the boy’s shoulders and straightened up. Hange had already placed a hand on his back, prepared to withhold him if he should lose his temper, but Levi didn’t notice her.

“With a person that acts in such a bourgeois manner as you do that’s hardly possible. Once I’m done with you, your satisfaction will be all that remains, Smith!”

“Sir…”

Levi’s heart stopped beating for a second. This soft voice, not more than a slight whisper – it was Eren’s. He turned away from Erwin, bending over the boy, who had gained his consciousness again – and was obviously alive. Disorientated Eren’s hand groped the grass, until Levi grabbed it with his own, squeezing it tightly.

“Don’t move”, he said silently and as controlled as he could manage it in order to calm Eren down. It was important that he lied still on the ground until Levi had fully discovered the extent of his injuries.

“What happened?”

Eren’s eyes wandered over his foster father’s face. Still holding his hand, Levi carefully removed the bloody parts of the shirt.

“You caught yourself a stray bullet. Do you know where you are?”

“In the forest at Stenton Park”, Eren mumbled and cried in pain as Levi’s finger touched the wound for the first time. Levi smiled in relief. Eren was addressable and, according to circumstances, acted quite coordinated.

Hange placed Eren’s head in her hands, stroking the pale cheeks tenderly. She smiled.

“In the end you made up a good quality second, am I right?”

She laughed over her own joke. Bravely, Eren tried to return it, but pulled a wry face afterwards, gasping in pain. Tears appeared in his eyes, but proud as he was, he blinked them away. Silently they ran over his cheeks and dropped into the moist leaves.

In the meanwhile, Levi took care of the wound. To his relief he noticed that it was nothing but a grazing shot. Between blood and flesh he saw the white of bones, apart from that though he seemed fine.

“Fortune favours fools, brat”, Levi mumbled tonelessly and sighed. Protectively he draped the fabric over the wound and straightened up. Thoughts kept running through his mind.

“He can't stay here like this. We need to get him inside so I can take of him.”

Erwin, who stood right behind him nodded and gave Mike a comprehensive look. Although the commander was the reason for this mess, he didn't appeared deeply involved after all. Contrary to the others who had been overwhelmed by the dynamics of the situation, he acted remarkably calm.

“A room shall be prepared for Mr. Jaeger. Mike, please.”

Mike, who had watched everything in silence, nodded and turned around. Without any further word he hurried down the path that had led them to this glade, heading towards Stenton Park. As the thicket's green had devoured him, Erwin stepped closer to the remaining people.

“Can he walk?”

Levi shook his head. Some strands of black hair slid into his eyes and were tucked behind his ears by him with bloody fingers. He wetted his cheek by accident with this dark red liquid, but would only notice it later when he passed a mirror in Stenton Park. He gave the commander a glare.

“Hardly”, he growled. “Didn't you state you were serving at the military? Don't you have your own wounded there? Must have escaped my notice.”

For a second only the hint of a smile appeared on Erwin's lips.

“Well, they exist”, he said a little more gentle than before. Levi, who hadn't seen this coming, stopped in his movements and stared at the other with an amazed face. What was that? That strange behaviour... He acted as if all of this was nothing but a mere game to him.

Levi's eyes narrowed and once more a certain anger blazed up in his chest. He opened his mouth to proceed with his hostilities, yet before he could raise his voice, Erwin kneeled down next to him. With Hange's help they placed Eren on Erwin's back. Unimpressed when faced with Eren's weight, Erwin stood up, carrying the boy as if he was a feather.

Levi, though, certainly knew that this wasn't the case. That boy ate for two.

Noticing Levi's hesitation, Erwin turned around, looking down at the physician, who was still sitting on the ground. Once more their eyes met. Levi frowned. The severity, the coldness which Erwin had shown during the duel, they had disappeared completely. He once more appeared like the man Levi had met the other day in the streets of Brighthampton. Collected. Earnest. Filled with a silent friendliness that couldn't be faked. 

“Come on, Dr. Ackerman, let's get back.”

In thoughts, Levi once more shook his head. This man... he baffled him. He watched the commander closely, around whose neck Eren had had laid his arms, hoping to find hold in this uncomfortable position. With the boy bleeding against his back, Erwin was doomed to ruin the tailcoat he was wearing and that was certainly of high quality and worth. And yet it seemed as if this man, who had fired a bullet on him only minutes ago, didn't take any interest in such matters.

Levi exchanged one last look with Hange, whose hand still rested on his shoulder. After that, he scrambled back onto his feet and followed the commander back to Stenton Park.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go. Uploading this took a little longer than expected - I actually wanted it to be online by friday last week - but due to a convention I was attending, I didn't make it in time. 
> 
> A lot of things have happened since the past chapter. A dear friend of mine drew a wonderful fanart of this series and uploaded it on her tumblr. It can be found on Dr. Ackerman's blog (http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/) as well as the first photo of the cosplays we made for this weekend's convention! There are more photos to be uploaded, so this is just a first impression.
> 
> Plus - my tumblr finally hit the 100 follower mark. For some people that may not be much, but this is already beyond my expectations. So another big THANKS to you guys.
> 
> Furthermore our writing staff got a new member. We are working with three persons now. Me, who's writing this, Simmi, who does the first correction and from now on also peach_oniisan, whose remarkable English skills provide the final touches. A big thanks to those two, because without their help, my translations would be a mess :D
> 
> I have to upload the next chapter in German on friday. Plus - I happened to run into a children's books publisher on sunday who wanted to check my fanfiction out. Therefore I really need to edit the German version. Since we already have around 200 pages there, this will take some time.
> 
> Still - I will try to do my best to upload the next chapter as soon as possible.
> 
> See you! xxx


	5. Two guests at Stenton Park

Although Eren’s condition did not worsen, everybody agreed that the boy could not be expected to take the exertions of a journey back to Brighthampton until he had fully recovered from the previous happenings. And so they were invited to stay at Stenton Park temporarily, at least so long until Eren could take the carriage ride without any risk. It was a gesture of polite, friendly hospitality and Levi, who would have preferred any other place in England for a stay, accepted, to the surprise of the others, right away. He insisted to take care of Eren’s maintenance and aftercare by himself and commuted between Stenton Park and his house’s treatment room since that day. One thing though had changed: The tense atmosphere that had dominated every interpersonal communication before the duel had disappeared, making room for the honest friendliness of their hosts. Levi, who still had not forgotten the pictures of Eren’s lifeless body, connived that so far. The duel had not contributed in changing Levi’s impression of the blonde commander and therefore he refused to spend more time with these gentlemen from London than absolutely necessary.

These were lonely, quiet days he spent in the privacy of the room they had assigned him to. Apart from that the fear that Eren’s wound could get infected did not prove true. The boy slept a lot and ate even more – the fact alone that his appetite was unbroken indicated that there was no reason to worry – he acted as bright and bold as usual.

With a click the wooden door locked and elicited a silent sigh from him. He had loved to spend the afternoon in the library, taking care of all the paperwork that had piled up and could be done here as well, but the courtesy forbid it to evade himself from his host’s hospitality. That he tried his best to act like a decent person not for himself, but for Eren, went without saying.

Four days had passed since the duel. But even though they lived a comfortable and luxurious life here, the physician was secretly longing to return to Brighthampton. He still felt like a foreigner between these walls. He, a mere physician from low birth, just did not belong here.

“How is the young Mr. Jaeger today?”

Erwin’s deep voice filled the room. Levi noticed him not far from the window, in one of the corners that had become so familiar to him. He sat at a filigree, cherry wooden secretary, which appeared almost too small for a man of his height. Spread in front of him laid some sheets of paper and in his fingers rested a white goose feather. A letter with broken seal that he held in his left hand indicated that he took care of private correspondence. He wore a navy blue tailcoat under which a light brown waistcoat with thin stripes could be seen. Around his neck he had wrapped an artfully knotted cravat. As always, he was well-dressed.

The door had barely closed behind Levi, as Erwin interrupted his work and smiled at him cheerfully.

Since the duel, Erwin had formed the custom to face Levi’s openly shown reluctance with a calm, self-confident gentleness. It was a kind of behaviour that, in the beginning, had Levi left in surprise, though he, in the meanwhile, had somehow gotten used to it. If Erwin took a fancy in such behaviour, he would not stop him. It was not as if he did care at all.

Close to Erwin, sitting on one of the padded windowsills, Mike looked out of the window, thoughtfully examining the extensive landscapes. In contrary to Erwin he appeared fully equipped. His feet stuck in heavy leather boots. Over his dark brown tailcoat he wore a floor-length coat of the same colour. In his hands he held a felt hat with a broad brim which he nervously turned back and forth. At his feet rested a huge english hunting dog, but Levi could not recognize its race. He was a constant companion of Mike and Levi, who would not tolerate dogs in his own house due to the dirt they caused, turned up his nose at whenever their paths met.

Levi was welcomed by Mike with a short nod, which was returned by Levi in the same manner. Mike appeared, even though he inhered a calm, almost cold way way of acting, to be a softhearted, honest human being, who could usually be met close to his best friend from childhood days. Normally he behaved rather taciturn, but once he said something, it was well-considered and usually hit the nail on the head. Even Levi, who knew these two gentlemen only for a few days by now, had already noticed that they shared a bond that could not be broken. Once they were together, they used to laugh a lot. Their humour was subtle, though so dry and black that the laughter could stick in one's throat. It was the humour of two soldiers, who had faced the horrors of war in a way that could not remain their souls unharmed.

On this afternoon though, Mike spread an attitute that Levi had not seen on him so far. His eyes appeared restless, though his posture stated that he was expecting something. That he was not dressed this way only to wait was quite obvious.

“According to the circumstances he is doing well”, Levi answered. He had only just given Eren a pain reliever and changed his bandages. The wound was still aching and most certainly this would not change for a while, yet so far it healed up exemplary.

Erwin noticed Levi's words with a gentle smile before he once more took care of his writing. Slightly the feather scratched over the paper. Doing so, the blonde hair slid in his face and hid his eyes which had downrightly burned in the light of the afternoon sun. Levi caught himself thinking that Erwin's face appeared well-proportioned and – he clearly disliked admitting this – almost equaled the marble statues that could be found down in the entrance hall. With a blank face the physician stared at the commander, for a few seconds only, until he noticed the presence of two persons that had not been here when he had first left the room.

Unannounced visitors.

Wordless Levi looked over to the sofa where the unexpected could be seen and to his own surprise the visitors were nobody else but Hange and Armin. Hange, who wore a wine red dress with crème lace, while a green shawl guaranteed that her décolleté would not reveal too much bare skin. Obviously she had gained her old energy back. Her hazel eyes rested on Levi with a playful sparkle while a wide grin showed on her lips. Armin who sat right next to her, covered in colours of light blue and white, held a straw hat in his hands. A huge ribbon graced his neckline. Even though Armin was the son of a wealthy family he appeared honestly intimidated in the light of the luxury Stenton Park symbolized. A slight, embarrassed red shimmered on his cheeks.

With a short nod Levi welcomed those two, not letting on his pleasure over their visit. He had just opened his mouth for a proper greeting, as Erwin, who now lay down the feather he had held in his hand, anticipated.

“Mr. Arlert was hoping for the possibility to pay Mr. Jaeger a visit”, he said. Armin forced himself to smile.

“If it is not too much of a bother, Sir”, he began hesitantly while his grip around the straw hat tightened. “I am well aware of the fact that Eren needs his rest.”

Undecidedly Levi raised his brows.

“You need to know, Armin was quite concerned during the past few days, Levi”, Hange insisted. “Nobody bothered to tell him what happened. You can imagine how it must be when the best friend gets shot and the only thing you can do is to sit and wait...”

“So, why did you not tell him yourself?”, Levi answered unimpressed. Hange's face went blank.

“Well..”, she began but then interrupted herself, searching for words. Deep inside Levi agreed with her, though. During the past days he was the only one who was allowed to see Eren. From time to time he permitted Mike and Erwin short visits of courtesy – but still, Eren barely knew these gentlemen. There was no harm in letting him see someone who he trusted and who he loved since childhood days.

Levi nodded.

“For all I care. Go upstairs, Mr. Arlert, he is awake now.”

“Thank you very much, Dr. Ackerman.”

The blonde boy smiled brightly and jumped from the sofa, faster than Levi had dared him to. Armin had barely reached the parlour's door, as Hange got up as well, intending to follow him. Only split seconds later Levi had grabbed her wrist, forcing her to stop. Levi was sure she knew exactly what was the matter.

“Not you”, he said in a low, uncompromising tone. Slowly she turned around. She looked outraged.

“What?” She sounded outraged as well. “Why?”

“He needs his rest. And you...”

He grabbed her shoulders, gently forcing her to sit back down on the sofa. “... you embody the complete opposite. I appreciate your effort, but you will not cause him any sleepless nights today.”

Hange showed a sulking expression and folded her arms in front of her chest. Levi knew she had not given up yet.

“I can pull myself together, Levi”, she proposed.

“No”, was the merciless answer. A begging tone appeared in her voice.

“Levi.”

“No.”

“I could...”

His eyes narrowed.

“Hange”, he growled, letting it sound like a threat. They exchanged a look with each other, both stubborn and not willed to step back, but in the end, Hange gave up. With a sigh of relief Levi straightened up, letting his gaze wander around until he saw Mike, who watched them with furrowed brows. He seemed unsure what to think about this conversation and looked over to Erwin, who was still writing his letter, yet a subtile grin graced his face. A grin that showed that this behaviour of Hange was a well known to him as well.

Not sure what he should do now, Levi wandered around the room, eventually took a journal from one of the side tables and sank on the sofa that faced Hange's. Without any further word he opened it and tried to read, yet he could not concentrate at all. The words passed his eyes but they would not reach his mind. In the meanwhile, next to him, a conversation amongst old friends occurred.

“I shall give you the kindest regards from my sister”, Erwin said towards Hange, whose eyes widened. In excitement she leaned forwards, which raised a warm smile on Erwin's side.

“Oh!”, she called out. “From which one?”

“From Nanaba. The letter I am answering right now is one I received from her. She intended to spend the summer together with us at Stenton Park, yet she changed her mind in the last minute.” Erwin leaned back on his chair and gave Hange a good-natured look. “She writes that she is looking forward to see you again in London soon.”

Levi raised his head, staring at the commander over the edge of his journal.

“You have sisters?”, he asked in a way that made clear that this was beyond anything he would have imagined.

“Yes”, Erwin, who remained calm facing Levi's mocking tone, answered. “Three in number. They are all younger.”

“And ravishingly beautiful”, Hange went into raptures. “Good in height, very fair and with eyes, clear like water. You are truly the children of your father, Erwin.”

An amused sound left the commander's throat, who did not interrupt Hange, but gave Levi a comprehensive look. In Levi's opinion, Erwin's patience towards Hange was unreached.

“You should finally settle down and marry”, Hange continued, who, now where she got going, would not be stopped by anyone. The smile on Erwin's face vanished in an instant, “so your sisters can go their way as wives and mothers. They will not be young and pretty forever, you know?”

Mike as well as Erwin pulled a wry face in view of this uncomfortable truth. Like caught school boys they gazed at each other, embarrassed while knowing that Hange was right.

“It is not like they would not receive any marriage proposals”, Erwin began eventually, who took the goose feather back up and turned it back and forth between his fingertips. “Nanaba at least. And if it were up to my mother, Mike would marry into our family at once.”

Erwin, who did not overlook the fact that Mike's face went pale in shock, amusedly dipped the top of the feather into a bottle of black ink. He noted some lines before he mischievously continued.

“She would probably leave the choice up to you, my friend.”

For a moment, Mike eyed the commander with raised brows, before he came to terms that no answer at all was still enough. He turned around and looked out of the window in silence. It was his obviously perplexed reaction which made Hange laugh.

“Maybe Mike will make this wish come true one day”, she said towards Erwin, grinning. “It is not like it would not match your taste, am I right? The best friend and comrade would certainly make a suitable brother-in-law.”

Erwin now joined her laughter as well. He sounded as if Hange had caught him in the act.

“Indeed. Yet I believe this will not be happening in a foreseeable future.”

“Who loves his freedom dreads the marriage”, Hange sighed. “You two make a perfect match when it comes to this.”

“Could you please refrain from talking about me as if I was not present?”, Mike now interrupted their conversation. Despite his annoyed expression he acted remarkably calm. Hange and Erwin fell silent right away.

“The old maid amongst us is you, do not ever forget that, Hange. The years in which your beauty was in full bloom already have passed and yet you live a life that would leave many married women jealous.” He clicked his tongue in an patronizing manner. “It will always be a mystery to me how you make yourself a living.”

“Oh, you little charmer”, Hange answered rapidly but her cheeks turned red. She laughed, but it sounded embarrassed. Levi knew too well that the matter of her income was a red rag to her. In all the years he had known her she had not lost one word over this and Levi, at some point, had given up to insist.

“You know that she will take this to her grave”, Erwin said cheerfully and turned around, just as he had finished the sentence he was writing on. He turned towards Levi, who still sat on the sofa, leafing through the journal.

“Has she ever mentioned anything about this topic in your presence, Dr. Ackerman?”

“Not even once.”

He turned the page and scanned the headlines before he sighed fretfully. Nothing interesting had happened in Brighthampton during the past month – something Levi was not really surprised about. “And even so you were the last man on earth to whom I would ever consider to tell.”

In the background Mike declared his amusement, yet it was not more than a slight snort. It was Hange who burst out laughing instead. Levi watched them with irritatedly, before he looked over to Erwin. For a second their gazes met, but then Erwin turned around again, addressing himself to his letters once more. Before his feather could touch the paper, Levi raised his voice again. It sounded cold and distanced but everybody in this room could feel the interest that he emanated.

“Your sisters would most certainly be heartbroken”, he began, while his gaze still rested on Erwin's shoulders. The steel grey eyes took notice of every of his motions, sucked them up thirstily, without being conscious about his behaviour. “You merely returned from the war and yet you escape to the countryside so quickly.”

“Not at all”, Erwin answered. “It was her who sent me here.” The feather slid over the paper, moving in such a soft manner that Levi expected nothing but a flawless handwriting. “Considering what happened during the past months, London's air is still a little too thick for me, Dr. Ackerman.”

Subtle wrinkles appeared on Levi's forehead, who watched Erwin in disbelieve. He did not understand what the commander was talking about, yet he was too proud to ask. Instead he preferred to remain silent, trying to focus once more on the journal in his hands. The company of the others started to bore him. Maybe, he thought, it was better to go upstairs and take care of the bookkeeping. Wordless he gave Erwin one last glimpse and was about to get up, as Hange anticipated, enquiring what Levi had chosen not to ask.

“Tell us about your time in Spain, Erwin”, she smiled. “Since England is barely anything but rain, wind and more rain. Is the sun there really burning as hot as the saying goes?”

“Most certainly, yes”, Erwin answered calmly, without glancing up. Like at Hange's dinner party, a short flicker appeared on Erwin's face, for a moment only, still long enough for Levi to take notice. The expression of the icy blue eyes had changed for an instant, as if every single memory of his time there had passed his inner eye within a split second. And even though Erwin tried to give his response a cheerful tone it was obvious that he did not take any favour in Spain. Everybody waited for him to illustrate his statement, but he stayed silent. Though he opened his mouth, not a single word left his lips. Motionless he stared on the sheet of paper in a way that left even Levi trembling. In these seconds Erwin was here, yet he was not. In his mind, he was back there and Levi wondered what he was seeing. As the silence reached an unbearable extent, Mike raised his voice and gathered the attention of those present.

“I am rather interested in the connection between Dr. Ackerman and Mr. Jaeger”, he gallantly changed the topic and eyed Levi in curiosity. He has the inquisitive expression of a child, Levi thought, before he noticed, to his displeasure, that from now on he would be at the centre of this conversation. “Is he your nephew, Sir?”, Mike insisted. And as Levi looked at him afterwards, the eyes of the others already rested on him. A sigh left his throat. Thereupon he reached for his cravat and straightened the white fabric that covered his slim but muscular neck. He usually preferred it to remain in the background. To watch and judge suited him better than talking and leading.

“No, he is not my nephew”, he answered hesitantly. A mildly suppressed sound of honest pleasure sounded from Hange's direction. As Levi gave her a look he noticed her sparkling eyes and groaned deep inside. She loved this anecdote since she had formed a most influencing factor that should not be underrated. How often he had recapitulated this whole matter with her during their afternoon teas he could not remember.

“You should ask him to tell you this story, Mike”, Hange babbled with her usual amount of energy. “Because it is definitely worth to be heard.”

Levi gave her an evil eye, then raised his hands, while suggesting a slight, embarrassed smile.

“Certainly not. It would bore you to death, gentlemen.”

“Well”, Erwin joined the conversation, “I would like to hear it, though.”

Levi turned around and looked over to the other, who now appeared to be himself again. He watched Levi with blatant curiosity. Levi bit his inner lip. It was not a story he appreciated to tell, since it enlightened parts of his own past that he would rather keep to himself, especially in front of wealthy gentlemen like Erwin and Mike. And yet Erwin inhered something that released a desire in Levi's chest, the desire to tell what had happened on that faithful day. Reluctantly he looked at Hange, who grinned in joyful anticipation, slipping nervously back and forth on the sofa. He sighed once more, then gave up. If they would leave him alone afterwards, he would give those present what they longed for. He took a deep breath, than leaned back. With a severe face he rested one arm on the wooden, artfully carved backrest and searched for Erwin's gaze, who, in the meanwhile, had laid down his goose feather again and fully turned towards the physician. Even though Hange and Mike listened as well, Levi's words were mainly addressed towards the gently smiling commander.

“Years ago I needed to run errands downtown, as I passed a bakery in which a young boy had been caught in the attempt of stealing what normal people simply buy.” Levi said this with a low, ernest voice which hid every emotion that filled his chest while he spoke. Whenever he thought of his past, he sealed his heart, and he was better off doing so. “This boy was nothing but a starving little bundle of misery whose limbs were covered by worn out, dirty rags. His eyes, though, sparkled as if he was the devil himself, while he tried to escape the hands of his tormentor with a desperate strength I had barely seen amongst children his age. I stopped and watched this incident for a few seconds, while I waited for someone to attend me and I could not help myself. Before I knew it, I had paid the stolen goods for him. I ransomed him, so to say. Afterwards, I left him for good, convinced that we shall never meet again, but before soon, the boy started to waylay me. He had taken a fancy to me for no reason whatsoever and wanted me to take care of him as a protégé. Initially I turned him down, but Eren is – Miss Zoe and Lieutenant Zacharias shall confirm this, if you won't believe me – just as stubborn as I am. He most likely knew that he would either find a place in my house or die on England's streets.”

As he had finished his speech, silence filled the room. Deep involvement could be seen on the faces of those present. Only Hange appeared as cheerful as usual, staring over to Levi. For a moment nobody said anything. In the end it was Erwin who raised his voice and broke the silence. He seemed as if Levi's words had lightened a blazing fire in his eyes and his heart.

“What happened then?”, he asked, his voice filled with curiosity.

“Hange allied herself with Eren and would not hold her tongue until I finally took him into my house. Since back then he lives with me.”

They exchanged a volatile look. Afterwards, Erwin started to smile.

“He must be deeply grateful for all you have done for him”, he said silently and in such a soft manner that it left Levi gently surprised, though he did not return Erwin's smile. Restlessly his fingers beat on the wooden armrest. These blue eyes pierced him with their stare. It made him nervous. Was it necessary to look at in such a way?

“Mr. Jaeger really begged Dr. Ackerman to be his second”, Mike joined the conversation and insistently nodded towards his friend, who raised his brows in surprise. It was obvious that Erwin had underestimated Eren concerning his bravery and steadfastness.

“Is this true?”, he asked without averting his gaze from Levi.

“Yes”, he answered severely. “He is a good boy. Stubborn, quick-tempered, yet much more clever than people usually suspect him to be.”

On the commander's forehead slight wrinkles appeared, though his smile did not fade.

“Miss Zoe's talking surely is not the only reason why you took him under your wings, am I right?”, Mike added with a broad smile. “If I had done anything she has asked me for, were would I be today?” He exchanged a look with his friend, like schoolboys who plotted tricks and continued unswervingly, while the grin on his lips gained intensity with every syllable. “Three words: poorhouse or common grave.”

They fell silent for a second before they burst out into roaring laughter. The evil eye Hange gave them afterwards was ignored with an unreached rigour and so it took some time before they finally had calmed down again. It was Erwin, who wiped away tears of laughter and appeasingly raised his hands, while a silent, amused smile remained on his lips. Even Levi had to pull himself together to keep his severe expression.

“You are certainly not wrong”, Levi eventually agreed. The hesitated for a second, looking out of the window before he continued. “There were other reasons that root in my past.”

“Would you mind to tell us about that?”, Erwin insisted.

“I do mind”, Levi said, once more turning towards the commander. “But I will tell it anyway for you would not leave me alone before I did so, am I right?”

Erwin snorted softly.

“You got me there, Dr. Ackerman.”

The physician folded his arms in front of his chest before he continued.

“Well”, he said and lowered his gaze while he tried to concentrate on his words, “my family impoverished when I was just a little brat. Like many other kids these days, I spent my childhood on the streets of London.” It was nothing he liked to talk about, yet the words left his mouth without much effort. Without noticing it, his fingers grabbed the armrest of the sofa he was sitting on. “A childless gentleman felt pity for me and my destiny and took me with him. I could not even remember my surname back then, and so he gave me his. The fact that we can sit here and have this conversation results from a very unusual combination of events, Lieutenant Zacharias.”

“So, Ackerman is not your real name?”, Erwin asked, curiosity written all over his face.

“No.”

“Well, I am sorry to hear that.”

Levi snorted scornfully. If there was one thing in the world he did not want it was the compassion of this man.

“There is no need for you to feel sorry”, he continued and his voice had not lost much of its coldness. “The years out there formed the person I am now and will be. There is nothing pitiable about that, even though the fine society might consider this different. Eren reminded me about myself, and due to that I decided to take care of him.”

“To return the generosity you once received yourself?”

For a second only Levi found himself unable to answer. Wordless he watched Erwin with an expression that was hard to interpret. He had always been convinced that he had taken Eren under his wings because... he was not sure, to be honest. Because Hange had convinced him. Because he did not want to act inhuman. Because the benefit of Eren transcended his costs. That he instinctively had repeated the actions of his foster father – Levi had never thought about that.

“You are probably right, Commander Smith”, he answered tonelessly and did not miss the fact that the face of his vis-à-vis enlightened due to this small victory. It was the first time he publicly agreed to something Erwin said. Levi had hardly finished his sentence as he already regretted his words.

“This is very noble of you, Dr. Ackerman. Offering a sound education and a bright future to a gutty gamin is something not many would do in your position.”

Was there mockery in his voice? Levi did not find any. Everything about Erwin inhered a certain honesty that progressively put Levi off his stride. That somebody gave him such compliments was something Levi was not used to. He had just opened his mouth to express his disagreement, as Mike cut him short. His expression showed that he was struck by an idea that was worth to be shared.

“We should arrange a ball once young Mr. Jaeger has fully recovered”, he burst out not without excitement, which was quite unusual for him. He gave Erwin a look that was returned by him with an understanding nod. After that, Erwin once more turned towards Levi.

“Would you like to join us, Dr. Ackerman?”

“Well”, began Levi and yet did not know what to answer. Masses of people, balls included, were an anathema to him. That this ball was dedicated to Eren sure was laudable, yet it made it impossible for Levi to reject this invitation, since this boy was under his care.

“Oh this would be a lovely idea!”, Hange interrupted Levi's thinking process and giggled cheerfully. “As long as I will be invited as well.”

“Of course”, Mike grinned, folding his arms in front of his chest. Hange looked very well pleased, but suddenly an unnamed surprise appeared in her eyes.

“Say, Mike”, she mumbled, “what on earth are you waiting for, actually?”

The addressee raised his head and looked over to her. Since over half an hour he sat there like this, fully dressed, ready to go but without urgency.

“For Mr. Pixis”, he answered severely and ran his fingers through his hair. “He wanted to show me the surrounding landscapes for the hunt. It is easier of course once you are familiar with the area.”

“Oh.” Hange raised her brows in surprise. She smiled with a slight uncertainty. “To be honest... I don't think he will arrive at Stenton Park too soon, my dear.”

She sounded mollifying, like a mother who was about to teach her child an uncomfortable truth. From now on it was Mike on whose face first signs of a progressively increasing confusion appeared.

“Why?”

“Well, I saw him on my way up here. He appeared to do some purchases downtown. At least he was not heading Stenton, that was for certain. You know...” She shrugged and laughed nervously, which caused some strands to dismantle from her pinned up hairstyle. “... he is a little over the edge from time to time.”

“Are you trying to say that he... has forgotten about me?”

Mike sounded highly indignant but there was no real anger in his voice. Unsure what to do, he eyed the others. Hange, who tried to calm her friend down, accusingly raised her hands.

“It happens all the time”, she said and laughed again. “Please do not take it personalyl, you are not the first one to be stood up by him.”

“That doesn't make it a virtue.”

Mike moaned and put his head in his hands. One last time he looked out of the window, then leaned over and tenderly patted the dog's head. Afterwards, he reached for his hat and stood up. The dog followed.

“Where are you going?”, it sounded from Erwin's direction, who appeared as confused as anyone else over the sudden departure of his friend.

“Downtown”, Mike answered, who had already passed the room halfway and put on his hat with a galant gesture. “I think I might have to do some... _purchases_ as well.”

Shaking his head in disbelieve he headed towards the door and was about to reach for the knob, as it was pulled open. It was Armin who appeared in the doorframe. Mike almost collided with the boy but somehow managed it to stop right in front of him. He articulated his regrets with a short nod, pulled the hat deeper over his face and hastily passed Armin, who, obviously amazed about what might have happened before, looked after him without saying a word. With fleet-footed steps the dog followed his master.

“What is it, Armin?”, Levi, who, like always when it came to Eren during these days, expected the worst, answered. Armin blushed. He cleared his throat while searching for the right words. Doing so, he barely dared to face the others. He lowered his gaze in embarrassment, touching his left arm with the right hand.

“Eren's bandages have loosened, Sir”, he whispered. “Not so much, but I think they will detach if nobody looks after them.”

The physician fleetingly looked at his pocked watch. It was almost six in the evening.

“Leave this to me. I will take care of them.”

Without hesitation he got up and left the room. If he was honest with himself, he was glad to escape the company of the others, their curiosity and never ending questions.

 

~*~

 

It was a bright and warm room in the first floor where they had housed Eren. The door through which the room could be entered was located in the library, in one of the corners, hidden behind a curtain made of heavy velvet. Whenever Levi reached for the doorknob he felt as if he was doing something forbidden and he could not help it. The wall panellings of Eren's room were painted white, as the ceilings, shelves and furniture. Tapestry of light blue silk covered he walls. Through high, french windows, the extensive garden could be seen from the bed, covered in thick wafts of mist during the morning and evening hours. On a small side table there were some novels that Erwin had lend the boy in order to make Eren's bed rest as comfortable as possible. Some of them had been finished already, but one of them laid open. According to the cover it was the English translation of Werther's sorrows, a small, emotional exuberant epistolary novel by Goethe himself. It was a book that suited the heart of teenage boys that did not know yet how to deal with their feelings. Levi, who was not very fond of such literature, thoughtfully reached for the book.

“I am not very surprised that you of all people is reading such a thing, Eren”, he mumbled not without tender mockery in his voice. His protégé was laying in the bed, the slender body covered in the white linen of his night shirt. He was still a little pale around his nose yet his eyes which keenly rested on his foster father did not miss any of his motions.

“What is that supposed to mean, Sir?”, he asked not without indignation. He blushed gently before he reached out in order to claim the book back. He stopped in the middle of his move, pulled a wry face of pain and sank, with a soft groan, back in the pillows.

“As long as it will not instigate you to shoot a bullet through your head once you will be turned down by a girl, read whatever you like”, Levi returned casually, his eyes resting on the boy. “It is not worth the suffering.”

“Is it really so ridiculous to die for what you love, Sir?”

Eren's voice showed a begging sound. He was still filled with the storm and stress of young years that Levi had lost decades ago.

“It is not about what I think”, he declined Eren's question and lowered his gaze in embarrassment. In the end, he took off his waistcoat and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Love had always been something he had not found himself able to identify with. It happened to others but not to him. Whether life had taught him that there was no need to wait for such things or if his heart had only grown too cold during the years was something he did not know for certain.

“Arlert said your bandages have loosened?”, he changed the topic. Eren nodded, his cheeks glowing slightly red.

“Yes, Sir.”

“The one I made earlier was perfect work, though.” And he had tightened it properly as well. He went over to his doctor's bag, opened it and took out a new one. “Which basically means that you are secretly running around or having other athletic activities. Whatever it may be – both are absolutely forbidden in your current condition.”

The red on the boy's cheeks darkened. He looked like Armin who had worn the same expression while standing in the door frame.

“Yes, Sir”, Eren mumbled indignantly.

“Sit up straight.”

The boy obeyed and carefully pulled the night shirt over his head. The bandages had in fact shifted. Levi removed them cautiously and began to attach new ones. Doing so, he inspected the wound, which, as far as he could tell, had healed quite well until now. Furthermore there were no signs of an infection so far, and secretly Levi was grateful for that. Without being asked the physician placed his hand on Eren's forehead and took his temperature. It was within the usual range. Everything appeared safe and according to what Levi had expected. Eren, in the meanwhile, sat motionless, not even twitching as Levi pressed the bandaging material onto the wound. Only the boy's heartbeat had increased due to the unfamiliar nearness and touchings of his foster father, who usually kept Eren in a certain distance. They remained silent for a long time. Eren normally only opened his mouth when he was spoken to and Levi himself was too caught up in his work to begin a proper conversation. Levi had trained the boy quite well.

“Lieutenant Zacharias said they will arrange a ball for you once you're recovered.”

Eren whirled around, pulling the bandage out of Levi's hands.

“Really?!”

An excited sparkle had appeared in his gaze. He had never been to a ball before. Levi nodded short tempered and grabbed the bandages with an irritated expression.

“Yes”, he muttered. “Turn around again.” Eren did as he was told and Levi went ahead. With routined movements he wrapped the cloths around the slim chest. “The ball shall take place at Stenton Park.”

Once more the boy whirled around. Once more the pulled the bandage out of Levi's hands. In silent anger the physician glared at the boy.

“Will we go there, Levi?”, it burst out of Eren, who could not sit still in his excitement. Both exchanged a short look. Eren noticed his mistake and turned pale, again. His eyes widened. He was basically shrinking underneath Levi's fingers. “I mean, Sir”, he mumbled apologizing, raising nothing but a grim moan from Levi's side.

“For fucks sake, Eren, turn around and hold still.”

His voice had taken a tone that showed he was not joking. Eren followed immediately and remained motionless while Levi finished the bandaging.

“Since that ball is organized for you it would be rather inappropriate not to come. In the end Smith will feel offended again and challenge me for a duel once more.”

The sarcasm in Levi's voice could not be overlooked. They needed to go even though Levi himself preferred to shirk this task. Frowning he noticed how Eren increasingly knotted under his hands.

“You know, Sir...”, he began hesitantly and Levi let him go. For a couple of seconds the boy struggled an inner fight, then continued. “Maybe it would not be so bad to be among other human beings a little more. You were spending a lot of time on your own recently.”

Eren closed his eyes and pulled a wry face. He obviously expected a scolding for his frankness or even a punch of a fist, but Levi only snidely clicked his tongue.

“Don't be a fool. What about Hange and you?”

As he noticed Eren's reaction he raised his brows in confusion. The boy giggled.

“We are always with you, Sir”, he began, laughing. “Therefore we do not count.”

“You are truly patronising for a boy that caught a bullet during our last getting to know, brat.”

Levi, who by now had attached the bandages properly, reached for Eren's night shirt and handed it to the boy, who hastily pulled it over his head.

For a moment both fell silent, then a smile appeared on their faces, in silent understanding, like father and son they were in spirit.

 

~*~

 

Every room of Stenton Park was characterized by pomp and representative splendour, but the library was imminent by its timeless elegance. As the whole estate was dominated by bright colours and pastel shades, heavy, dark cherry wood could be seen here, panelling the walls which were equipped with countless shelves. Every one of them contained so many books that it would take more than a lifetime to read all of them. There were paintings on the ceiling, picturing scenes of a hunt, which harmonised with the dark red silk tapestry that covered the walls. Here and there were various paintings, all of them showing landscapes of selected beauty. A spacious, sweeping window facade with heavy curtains offered the required light. Not far from that, in one of the corners, stood a globe made from wood and ivory. Next to it, close to the windows, a heavy, enormous desk on which bric-a-brac and paper knifes could be seen, furthermore some opened letters and documents.

Whenever Levi passed this room he had to stop for a second and take a deep breath not to get lost in the beauty and flawlessness of this place. He suspected Erwin to be the one who had chosen Stenton Park as summer residence. In contrary to his friend Mike he seemed to attach a certain value to aesthetics and comfort, to the nice and little things, which were overlooked by the most, but could be noticed by a careful observer. A place like this matched a gentleman of exquisite taste. But even though Levi found himself caught in that magnificence, he was not willed yet to change his opinion about Erwin Smith to the better. Once somebody had lost Levi's respect, it was difficult if not impossible to gain it back. Since Erwin had never possessed it in the first place, the circumstances were even more exceptional. So much had happened between them in this one week they did know each other by now. One week and he had lived through more with this man than he had experienced with any other acquaintance in ten years.

Levi, who had just closed the door behind him, stopped in his motion, letting his gaze wander around. He was not in the mood to return to the salon already and so he ambled around. From time to time he drew a book out of the shelf, considered it tedious and placed it back. Alone with his thoughts, his fingers slid over the polished wood of the shelves, as he realized to his own surprise that not even one speck of dust could be found. This place suits the man of the house, he thought for a split second. To Erwin and his stiff, intellectual aura, that created a certain distance to those around him, even though he had smiled so gently back in the salon.

Minutes later he stopped in front of a wooden desk, on whose surface the inlay work formed a chessboard. Somebody neatly had lined up the pieces before, yet they remained in the middle of a party that had not yet been finished. Silently he examined everything, then, in the end, took a black bishop and placed him somewhere else, before he eventually went over to the desk. When nobody else was at home, Erwin could usually be found here, bending over books and correspondences, the brows furrowed in concentration. From time to time, when Levi had changed Eren's bandages and given him some pain relievers, their paths had crossed in this room. Now, nobody was here, only some of his commenced letters and notes were still scattered over the table. Some of them had been written in black ink, few, though, were only rapidly noted with lead pencil.

Curious, Levi eyed the fine, curved lines which formed a precise and nice handwriting. They looked interwoven without appearing swollen. It was the writing of an objective, rational man, beautiful yet easy to read. Before he knew it, Levi had reached out and drew some of sheets closer, before a silver letter opener caught his attention. It was about the size of his hand and formed a little dagger. Thoughtfully Levi raised his brows, then took it, twisting it to and fro in his hands. How often had the possession of such a knife preserved him from death? By now it had been years since his fingers had touched such kind of weapon. Soft ornaments had been engraved onto the handle which formed an insignificant, but elegant decoration. Hidden between them Levi noticed an inscription in interlaced letters.

_To my beloved brother. N._

A thin smile appeared on Levi's lips. It could be said that this man was truly loved. He could see it in Hange's and Mike's faces whenever their eyes rested on Erwin and by these words that stated that he was not forgotten, even though he could not be with the originator of this inscription. As the property of an English soldier this letter knife had most likely travelled far around the known world. Not without fascination Levi's finger tips slid over the smooth material that felt soft in defiance of the engraving.

“Do you like what you see?”

Out of the nowhere, a voice sounded behind him, letting him whirl around in shock. Without noticing it, his fingers tightened around the dagger's handle. All of this – the knife in his hands, the sudden appearance of a second – brought back the little boy in him who had to get along on London's streets. Within split seconds his eyes narrowed. Every muscle stiffened. Everything in him expected an imminent attack and steeled himself in order to the approaching fight. In a hostile manner Levi pointed the dagger towards the potential enemy, ready to do anything that was needed to save his life.

But the person who had just entered the room was no enemy. Not anymore. Only moments later Levi recognized Erwin who stood in the door frame, his gaze resting on him. The hand, which still grabbed the dagger's grip started to tremble.

In the end, he slowly let it sink. Even though he quickly realized that this situation offered him no harm, his heart still beat faster than usual. Without answering Erwin's question he looked at the small silver knife for a while, then placed it back on the table.

“How long have you been watching me?”, he asked in a reserved manner, without looking at Erwin, who closed the door behind him, passing through the room with rapid movements.

“Long enough to see the attraction that apparently was caused to you by my handwriting.”

His answer was not lacking of silent satisfaction and Levi did not miss this. Moaning inside, Levi rolled his eyes.

“Every human being likes pretty things”, he answered, clenching his teeth. “I am no exception.”

“I will take that as a compliment, doctor.”

Levi noticed the sound of laughter to his left and took a deep breath before he folded his arms. He did not grant Erwin this little victory and therefore did not even try to hide his disgust. Erwin, in the meantime, ignored Levi's hostility towards him and eventually stopped so close to the physician that their arms ran the risk of touching each other. From the corner of his eyes Levi silently eyed the commander, then lowered his gaze. Even though the closeness of his counterpart disturbed him Levi was not willed to pledge his host the satisfaction he would most certainly gain once the physician stepped back.

Still – with every second that Erwin stood nearby, his heat beat slightly faster.

“This letter knife captured your attention?”, Erwin asked gently after a period of strained silence, letting his gaze wander over the desk. He hesitated, then took the knife, examining it for a long time.

“It reminded me of something”, Levi answered with a low voice. “Nothing to speak of.”

“May I ask of what?”

Levi could almost feel them, these ice blue eyes that rested on his face, not missing any of his motions. His eyes voiced an honest interest yet Levi refused to answer. That somebody examined him in such an inquiring, almost aggressive manner, caused him discomfort. What was it about him that caught Erwin's interest? He did not understand at all.

Levi noticed a sudden movement next to him and looked up. Erwin, who still eyed Levi in silence, had reached out for him and only stopped as his fingertips almost touched the physician's shoulders. The blonde did not miss the fact that Levi stiffened with every inch that Erwin approached and so, in the end, he let his hand sink. His gaze, which had inhered a child-like curiosity before, suddenly appeared tired and resigned. For a short time nobody said a word, then Erwin opened his mouth and broke the silence.

“Dr. Ackerman, why do you take such a displeasure in my company?”, he asked calmly and filled with self-confidence. He did not speak with reproach, but in a manner that showed his urgent interest to know whether it was his fault that Levi had taken a dislike in him.

“Would knowing that change a thing, Smith?”, Levi responded cockily, pressing his arms tighter against his chest. With his attitude he seemed to affront Erwin, who struggled for a few seconds, obviously looking for the right words before he continued.

“Dr. Ackerman, I am not a person who gives much about what others think of me”, he quietly began, letting his gaze wander around the extensive library. “As long as there is a sturdy reason for this. Of course everybody is free to appreciate or abhor me and I respect that.” He leaned over the desk, thoughtfully rearranging some sheets of paper with his finger tips. While doing so, his eyes searched for Levi's, but he still stared down at the parqueted ground. “Yet I can not get rid of the feeling that I had lost my chances before I even addressed the first word to you.”

Suddenly, Levi raised his head, answering the look of the commander inflamed with rage. His grey eyes narrowed, every inch of his body stated that Erwin had hit the nail on the head. Finding himself unable to answer, Levi stared at the other, eyed the pale skin and the gentle features. Even though Levi acted in such an aggressive manner, Erwin remained remarkably calm.

“Will you have the goodness to enlighten me, Dr. Ackerman?”, was everything he said. “Or will you let me die unknowingly?”

For a sheer eternity, Levi replied nothing. Then, in the end, he took a deep breath, letting the slowly clenching hands sink. Not only his blood but also the sound of his heart hummed in his ears. Erwin's eyes that still examined him, progressively flustered him. He wanted Erwin to leave him alone but knew that this would only happen once he taught the commander what he longed to know. Finally Levi pulled himself together and opened his mouth.

“It is your military background that I can not arrange myself with”, he whispered, gritting his teeth. He tried to let his voice sound as cold as possible, silently hoping that Erwin would finally cut him some slack. “I thought I already made myself very clear during that dinner back the other day.”

Erwin's face went blank. Motionless he listened to what Levi had to say but in the and, he turned away. He looked as if thousand questions burned in his heart but he refrained from asking them to the physician, who's fingers increasingly clenched tighter around the tabletop's wood.

“No, not at all”, Erwin muttered thoughtfully and finally distanced himself from the other. “Forgive me, for I have acted in such an indiscreet manner.”

The only answer he received was a short nod from Levi, who loosened himself from the desk on which he had leaned by now, turning towards the door. He had enough of that conversation. It would be better to return to the salon as soon as possible.

“Excuse me”, he began, but before Levi could do one step, Erwin had followed him and grabbed his wrist. The slender fingers closed around the joint so tightly that Levi found himself unable to move any further. Slowly the physician turned around, angrily glaring at his counterpart.

“Would you _please_ have the decency to let me go?”, he asked with the last self-control he could offer. With a jerk he tried to free himself, but failed. Like a bench vice Erwin held him, only loosening his grip once Levi's resistance had fully died away.

“I will let you go”, he said so quietly that Levi could hardly understand him. “If you allow me one suggestion in return, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Whatever.”

Levi's voice was not more than a growl, yet it served the purpose. The other let him go and Levi, who was now free again, immediately stepped back. In silent expectation he eyed the commander, that, for a reason the physician could not understand, wanted Levi to change his mind about him.

“Lend me your summer and I will prove you that you were mistaken about me.” His face was calm and severe, but he stood stiff in excitement. “I am thinking very highly of you, Dr. Ackerman”, he continued with a low voice. “I would appreciate it if you could say the same thing about me one day.”

Why? Why do you give so much about my opinion?, was the only clear thought Levi could gather in this moment. Slowly he raised his head and looked at the commander, filled with indignation. This man spoke about his feelings as if they belonged to somebody else. Humans usually tried to hide their hearts, afraid to get hurt, once they showed what they really cared about. But this quiet self-confidence which accompanied every of Erwin's acts was something Levi could not deal with. In the end, it broke Levi's resistance. They stared at each other in silence until Levi could not take it anymore.

“If this is your fondest wish, fine”, he said repellently, without looking at Erwin. “But do not expect much of me.”

A satisfied chuckle suddenly filled the room.

“Fine.”

Erwin took a deep breath.

“If you would excuse me now”, he began and turned around, “but I need to return to the salon.”

Finding himself unable to move Levi stared after him. Was this the only reason why he had come here? He had left his guests alone, only to ask him such stupid questions? Levi did not understand. What was it with him, that Erwin would not leave him alone, after all these things he had done to him and his protégé?

Halfway gone, Erwin suddenly stopped and turned in Levi's direction, as if he had remembered something very important.

“Dr. Ackerman?”

“Yes.”

A gentle smile appeared on Erwin's lips, which caused Levi to raise his brows.

“What is the name of your and Mr. Jaeger's tailor?”

“Pattinson”, Levi casually remarked. “He is located next to the town hall.”

“Is he good?”

“He does his work to my contentment, if that's what you want to hear.”

“In fact, it is.”

Erwin nodded.

“Well… Have a good day, doctor.”

Their gazes met, volatile only, but was it enough to create a certain tingling in Levi's chest, that would not fade even once the door had closed behind Erwin. Levi sighed. His body was playing tricks whenever he and the commander were in the same room. Actually, there was no reason to be nervous or scared. The duel was over and Erwin was no longer a threat to him. That his body acted in such an irrational manner surprised him the most. Without noticing, the physician reached for his chest, grabbing the dark fabric of his waistcoat, his gaze still resting on the door through which Erwin had disappeared only seconds prior.

All of this – the happenings of the past days, the gentlemen from London, his thoughts and feelings – were of a nature he could not understand and that deeply unsettled him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers!
> 
> The usual thanks for the beta-reading goes to Simmi and peach_oniisan, thank you vers much for everything.
> 
> It took me a while to upload the next chapter. You can probably guess why. Those are long ass chapters, as Levi would probably say and therefore it takes ages. The next chapter will be even longer, haha. 
> 
> Finally, things started to become a little gayer. I like the way Erwin and Levi talk to each other, how they circle each other. Levi's apparently not good in dealing with his own feelings, but I heard that a lot of physicians tend to be like that (only a cliché though). I also liked the way Eren and Levi deal with each other and the fact that Eren is the only person on earth to whom Levi still uses thug language. They are two boys from the dirt and that will always give them a special connection.
> 
> And... of course... what the heck happened to Eren's bandages? Armin, explain yourself.
> 
> If you want to become a little more familiar with German literature, here is everything you need to know about 'The sorrows of young Werther': 
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sorrows_of_Young_Werther
> 
> Plus... if you want to know what Stenton Park's interior and the library look like, check this:  
> http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/
> 
> Have a good night! See you soon! And thanks for all the nice comments last time <3


	6. A kept Promise

**Chapter soundtrack:**

 

* * *

 

A few days later they left Stenton Park and returned to Levi's townhouse in Brighthampton. While the displeasure over their return had been written all over Eren's face, Levi did not look back as they boarded the carriage. One way or another – the physician was certain that they would see this place again sooner as he wished. He was looking forward to gain back his privacy and that he  did not have to commute between Stenton Park and his working place any longer.

The most important change yet was that due to the spatial separation he did not need to face Erwin Smith on a daily base anymore. The words that the Commander had addressed to him back the other day were nothing but an empty threat so far. His way of acting towards Levi had not considerably changed at all. And still he had treated the physician with such a selected politeness, a politeness, that was caused by the deep respect towards the human being as such and that had shown already back then, as Levi had picked a fight on the evening of the dinner. During their last days at Stenton Park Erwin had always been close to Levi, acting so very obliging that Levi eventually struggled to keep his gruffness in his usual manner.

Two weeks had passed since Levi's and Eren's return. Two weeks, that had passed by as if there had not been any duel at all. And before Levi knew it, he was back to his day-by-day life. As usual, Eren tried to keep his academic standing as well as his work in Levi's practice on a level that would satisfy his foster father.  And Levi, in whose practice the beginning summer brought so many new patients that his days were long and the nights too short, did not  go out anymore, only responded to the most important letters and spent the evenings in  front of the quiet solitude of his chimney. On Hange and the other gentlemen from London he did not waste any thoughts at all, until, about one week after he had left Stenton Park, a letter was delivered that had Erwin's handwriting on it. The content of this document was not surprising at all. It was the invitation to the promised ball.

And therefore it happened that on this evening, they would not come for as duellists yet as invited guests. The previous day had brought marvellous weather and so the scent of grasses and flowers still filled the air as Levi left the carriage together with Eren. Now,  when he did not have to fear for his life as he passed the courtyard , he finally had a sense for the magnificence that could be seen around here. Stenton was a marvellous estate, yet the evening ball atmosphere that was omnipresent multiplied its splendour. The mere number of guests already was breathtaking. It seemed as if Erwin and Mike had invited the whole shire to this fest. Wherever Levi looked he discovered people wearing their finest Sunday dresses, some made of linen, some of silk. Even though it was a happening of high social norms the social origin of those present was diverse. From the lower middle class on up to the highest ranks of Brighthampton everybody was here, ready to see and to be seen. The physician knew most of them by name and person yet there were still enough unknown faces. The severe social selecting that was usually practised by members of the gentry, was considered by Erwin and Mike to be a habit that belonged to London, not to the countryside. Nevertheless they had managed it to bring London's splendour to this little coastal town which Levi considered his home. It was, the physician could not deny it, an exceedingly impressive fest.

On the ground floor alone there were hundreds if not thousands of burning candles. Attached to crystal chandeliers they hang down from the ceilings, covering everything in their warm, shiny light. The grand dining room in which Levi had dined with the others not too long ago, had been emptied, providing space to dance. Through opened wing doors Levi could see them from the entrance already, the countless couples that turned around in circles to the sound of the music. There were the melodies Levi knew from his youth and the cheerful country dances. In contrary to the evening societies he was usually attending there was a small chamber orchestra, that had been hired for the amusement of the guests. Not one young lady had to enlighten those present with her piano playing. The people were merry. The atmosphere exuberant. And so the time had passed without anybody to notice, just like it used to be when one drank too much and danced even more. The happy laughter of the young ladies that passed Levi, arm in arm, with insecure, drunken steps, echoed from the walls and became one with the music, that covered everything like a veil - easy forgotten, yet beautiful to be around.

Levi Ackerman, though, appeared to be the only man in Stenton Park,  to whom  this evening caused anything but joy.

He was shying away from entering the ballroom and had retreated to the neighbouring rooms where they served drinks and appetizers to the exhausted dancers. Motionless and with a severe expression he leaned against the wall, observing the ladies of the high society who longed to demonstrate their skills at the piano in the middle of the room. They gathered all the attention and Levi was very well pleased about that. Hidden in the shadow of those who were of higher height than him he held a glass of wine in his hands, from which he used to take a sip from time to time. His gaze was vigilant, trying not to miss any movement of the surrounding, ready to disappear between the others once the situation required it. He was alone and nobody of those he loved accompanied him. Levi Ackerman was on the run.

 

Everything began two hours prior.

 

"Oh!"

They had barely entered the foyer as Eren's eyes started to shine like diamonds and a silent moan left his lips. Both wore their best suits - a black tailcoat, a shirt of white linen underneath, a skilfully knotted cravat which disappeared under a  vest made from white silk, accompanied by knee-length socks of the same colour and black breeches. The black monks had been neatly polished. A silver needle in whose head a sapphire once had been inlayed, kept Levi's cravat at its place. Dressed like this they formed, so to speak, a considerable handsome pair of young gentlemen. They had just given away their hats, coats and gloves and tried to gain a first overview over what this evening would offer. Levi, who had always been struggling with that kind of evening societies, appeared tense. His pressed his lips together until they formed a thin line, while his gaze wandered around, examining the crowd. Being surrounded by so many he felt as if he could not breath at all, knowing that none of his steps would remain unnoticed by these gossipy ladies and gentlemen. Everything about these balls, from the people who attended up to the music that was played, was absolutely repugnant to him. How  he would have  loved to spend his evening with a good book in front of his chimney, alone with himself and a good cup of tea.

A servant passed them with rapid movements. He carried a tray with glasses which contained, at least Levi hoped so, noteworthy  amounts of alcohol. Wordless he reached out, taking two glasses away from the man who did not stop and handed one of them to Eren. Eren, though, almost let it fall, surprised about the unexpected kindness from his from his foster father, still overwhelmed by the surrounding splendour. An uncertain laughter left his throat.

“And they did this all for me?”, he asked breathlessly. Levi took a big gulp of his drink. Otherwise he would not be able to deal with this, in his opinion, unreasonable event, for a whole night.

“Don't let this go to your head, brat”, Levi commented Eren's impressed expression without any excitement. “Who wants to feast finds a reason. I would most certainly stand here even if you had died.”

Eren, who was taking a sip, turned pale around the nose before he pulled a sulking face. Afterwards, both drank without looking at each other, while they silently watched the others. Men and women appeared to be at equilibrium, what, in reversion, meant that courtesy did not demand Levi to dance more than absolutely necessary. This realization left him most gratefully.

“What shall we do now?”, Eren asked. It was his first ball after all.

“We will go and greet our hosts. After that, we shall go and look for Hange and Mr. Arlert.”

Levi took one last big gulp and emptied his glass. He then suggested Eren to do the same.

“Drink up and come with me.”

The boy nodded eagerly and finished his drink in one go. Unfortunately though, he swallowed up, coughing until he went so red that Levi expected him to faint on the spot. As Eren had finally calmed down again, they placed their glasses on the tray of a passing servant.

“Once we greeted them properly”, Eren began, his voice heavy and meaningful, while he followed Levi through the crowd, “I will ask every girl on this ball to dance with me.”

“For heaven's sake, may the lord be with us then.”

Together they proceeded. Most of those present exceeded Levi in height, yet they stepped back once they saw him, in order to let him pass. His longstanding work as a physician had given him a certain reputation and aura that ensured him the respect of his fellow citizens, in defiance of his small size. It took them a couple of minutes until they discovered Erwin and Mike, who stood at the bottom of the stair case that led to first floor library, and welcomed their guests. With their remarkable body height they took an outstanding position. They wore the finest dress uniforms and looked, as  expected , as handsome as usual. Impatiently they joined the queue of those who shared their intentions and waited until it was their turn. The moment on which the predecessor stepped aside and revealed their hosts came so suddenly that Levi, who had just admonished Eren to stand properly, interrupted himself in surprise. Everything he could see now were the eyes of the Commander that rested on him with a gentle smile. Instinctively, both reached for their necks, adjusting their cravats and the collar of their tailcoats.

“Dr. Ackerman. And Mr. Jaeger”, Mike welcomed them sincerely. They all answered him with a subtle bow. The happiness over their appearance seemed to be real and honest.

“I am glad that you two could make it”, Erwin said eventually, his gaze still resting on Levi.

“The pleasure is all mine”, he answered politely. For a moment he returned the gaze of the other, but a certain uneasiness shook him so fast that the soon lowered his gaze and looked over to Eren and Mike, who, in the meanwhile, had started a free and easy conversation. Mike appeared to be in high spirits. Whatever he did, there was always a subtle grin on his lips.

“How is your wound, Mr. Jaeger?”

Eren blushed slightly.

“Very well”, he answered hastily. “Thank you very much indeed, Sir. Fortunately it was only a grazing shot after all.”

Mike started to laugh and it sounded very warm and caring. After that he took a sip of wine from a glass he had been holding during the whole time.

“Thank goodness.”

“Do you know where we can find Miss Zoe and Mr. Arlert, Lieutenant Zacharias?”, Levi, who secretly longed to finish this conversation, asked. It was not Mike who answered, but Erwin.

“As I saw them the last time they were just heading towards the ball room”, he began, but Mike interrupted him.

“That must have been one hour ago, though.”

Levi gave him a nod and placed one hand on Eren's shoulder.

“Thank you very much”, he said coldly. “We'll bid our farewell now.”

They offered each other a gesture of mutual respect and it seared him hot and cold at once as his eyes met the Commander's one last time. Since their conversation in the library his heart  beat slightly faster whenever he faced this man. It confused him and was interpreted as aftermath of the nerve-racking duel. It was something that would – and that went without saying – disappear in a not too distant future.

Together with his ward he left. They passed the foyer and soon entered the ball room. It was an extensive, square-shaped hall, whose gold leafed stucco could equal the castles of Europe. At the side that faced the foyer the walls were covered with mirrors and that once more exceeded the optical wideness of the room. In contrast, the ground was black marble, which reflected the silhouettes of the dancing. On the ceiling hung a huge, crystal chandelier that sparkled cheekily in the light of the countless candles. The dance floor itself was filled with couples who moved around in the tact of the music, in rows and quadrilles. Behind them gathered men who were too lazy to dance, old maids, debutantes and resting ladies. They all wore petite, ruffled dresses and promenaded, a fan in the gloved hands, up and down on the edge of the dance floor. Some went arms in arms with her friend, holding a glass of punch – their cheerful giggling could be heard up to Levi and Eren. At the bottom end of the hall there was a string orchestra of twelve persons next to the wing door that led to the neighbouring room. Only a few meters apart from that they discovered Hange, who stood together with Armin Arlert and some other people that Levi did not know. He could only see her back, but her characteristic laughter filled the air and eliminated any doubt. Together with Eren he went over to her, stopping next to her, waiting, until somebody noticed his appearance or until a pause occurred that made it possible to interfere. Unfortunately, there was none. Instead Levi got the feeling as if he could hear his very own name during their conversation, yet he was not sure whether he was not only imagining things. After approximately one minute he had spent waiting next to her he cleared his throat and ripped Hange, who, as usually, formed the leading force in their conversation, out of her flow. She turned around in curiosity and started to smile all over her face as she noticed who was standing in front of her. In contrary to her usual appearance she had groomed herself quite well. A champagne-coloured dress with translucent puffed sleeves covered her body. Around her neck as well as in her pinned up hair there were necklets made from real pearls. The glasses she usually wore could not be seen. Instead, attached to her necklace, she had a skilfully engraved lorgnette with her.

Armin, who had stood next to her turned around as well, giving Levi and Eren a welcoming, warm smile. His suit was made from night blue cotton. The chin-length hair was bound with a ribbon of black silk. In  his hand, like in the hands of the surrounding  people , he held a glass of punch.

“Ah, Levi, Eren!”, Hange burst out, who stepped forwards and gently touched the physician's shoulder. “What a pleasant surprise. By accident, we were just talking about you.”

“Talking about me?”, Levi answered in an irritated manner and furrowed his brows. “Why are you doing that?”

Levi saying these words made Hange laugh. Filled with tenderness she patted his shoulder, then, suddenly, pulled him with a jerk in the middle of the surrounding persons. She really had the strength of a bear. As Levi stopped, all he could see were two girls, who looked entirely the same. They were tall and so slender that they almost appeared sick. Around  their necks as well, there hung lorgnettes. Their hair was of chestnut brown colour and from the moment they first laid eyes on him a sparkling appeared in their eyes. It was a kind of expression Levi already knew from Hange and that progressively tightened his stomach into a knot. Maybe, he thought, it was better to disappear as long as possible. About to turn around and leave, Hange, who had already expected him to act this way, grabbed him tightly and introduced him to the ladies.

“Girls”, she said with a festive voice. “This is my longstanding and trusted friend Dr. Levi Ackerman. And this is his protégé, Mr. Eren Jaeger. Levi, Eren – these girls are Miss Sophia Middleton, and Miss Fiona Middleton.”

The  smiles on their faces had widened during Hange's monologue until  it started to feel uncomfortable. Curiously their gazes kept wandering over Levi's face and body, who progressively felt like a cow at the market. The longer it went the more lost his face any expression. He was about to lose his temper.

“Oh aunt Hange, he looks just like you pictured him!”

Helplessly he looked back and forth between the girls and his friend, unsure what to think about this situation. He hesitated, then turned around, grabbing Hange on her upper arm, pulling her to the next room without saying one word. The stopped next to the piano, on which just now a remarkable beautiful young lady played pieces by Mozart in a remarkably horrible manner. Levi, though, could not care any less, since the crooked tones covered their voices. Hange tried to get rid  of his grip, yet his fingers held her without mercy.

“So, tell me, what is that all supposed to mean?”, shouted. “Who are these girls? Why do they keep staring at me as if they have never seen any other man before?”

With a jerk Hange fought her way back to freedom and stepped back. Doing so, her hand gently stroked her upper arm. She sighed and tucked some strands of hair behind her ears.

“These girls are my nieces, Levi. They visit me from London and spend two weeks at my place  every year. Have I never told you about that?”

“Never.”

“Well, they just turned eighteen and debuted.”

A knowing smile appeared on her face, followed by a meaningful glance.

“Of course I gave them a detailed description of your person, since you belong to my dearest and closest friends.”

“I belong to your only friends”, Levi murmured and folded the arms in front of his chest. He could not get rid of the girls' expression, which made him shiver. Since they had only debuted this year they would most certainly be looking around for a man that would suit their needs as future husband.

“What did you tell them?”

She put her head into her neck, placing her hands on her hip. For a moment she acted as if she was thinking intensely, then she snapped her fingers, as if she was struck by an idea.

“Well, basically only that you are single and of good fortune.”

The physician turned pale around his nose. His eyes narrowed, intensifying his glare even more than usual. He appeared openly displeased.

“Are you serious?”, he growled. Giving these ladies such information would guarantee not one calm moment for him as long as these girls were around. The more he showed his anger about her behaviour the wider Hange's smile got.

“Oh, don't be like that. You know how these girls are. In one week from now they will already have lost their interest in you.”

“Did you at least have the decency to order some proper engagement rings?”, he interrupted her. “I prefer it to be well prepared when somebody plans my life without even asking.”

“Thinking about that...” Hange raised her brows in surprise. “No, I do not think I have.” She sounded almost disappointed. Her finger rested on her chin while her gaze wandered around, lost in thoughts. “But if you insist, I could go and get them by tomorrow...”

“No”, Levi once more interrupted her, this time even harsher than before, causing Hange to burst out laughing. In fact, she laughed so loudly that the surrounding persons turned their head. Once more Levi grabbed her arm, pulling her tighter to his body with a jerk.

She covered her mouth with her hands but, but it would not eliminate the sound of her giggling. Deep inside both knew that he would not cause her any harm. She looked at him, noticed his expression and laughed on.

“Remind me why I waste my time with you, you bloody four eyes.”

“Because under your shield of medicine and sarcasm you love me like a sister, that’s why.”

Levi did not know what to answer. A sigh left his throat. Silently he watched the crowd. There was no use in resisting. He would tolerate what she had planned for him, hoping to escape her unscathed as soon as possible. She acted like this from time to time and tried to accomplish for him, who had been the happiest alone, what she could not get for herself – a person to spend her life with. Yet up to now he had been a nut that could not be cracked.

Reluctantly she reached out for him and touched his shoulder. 

“Let us go back”, she smiled at him as if she knew more than she admitted. “And treat them gently, Levi Ackerman.”

“Your behaviour is unbearable, Hange.”

He dodged her fingers and led the way when they returned to the girls, Eren and Armin, who seemed as if they truly enjoyed each other’s company. While one of the ladies danced with Armin, the other was happily chatting with the second twin. Levi could not tell who Sophia and who Fiona  was since they looked almost the same to him. But he did not miss the fact that the eyes of Armin’s dancing partner began to sparkle once she had discovered him. As soon as the dance had ended she left poor Armin and went over to him.

“The next dance is a waltz”, she smiled cheerfully and glanced over to him in a way that was not appropriate for a young girl her age. Levi returned her look, considering silently how he should deal with this situation. Once he had danced with both of them he would have fulfilled his duty as Hange’s friend and was free to remain on his own for the rest of the evening. The sooner he did it, the better.

“Which Middleton girl are you again?”, he asked, not caring at all if he appeared impolite. Her smile widened.

“Fiona, Sir.”

“Well, Miss Middleton.”

He sighed and straightened up.

“May I have the next dance, Miss Middleton?”

The brightness that showed on her face after he had ended his question surprised even Levi, who was not very popular with women after all. Without hesitating she offered her hand.

“It would be my pleasure, Dr. Ackerman.”

The physician took her hand and led her to the dance floor, where those willed to dance had already lined up. Only seconds later, a melody occurred, a cheerful, yet slow tune that allowed the couple to exchange more but just reluctant looks.

“It is usually said that those who make a good couple shall be together during the waltz as well”, she said and she was probably right, since the waltz offered a physical closeness and intimacy that could only be considered appropriate in  cities such as London. “Did you know that?”

She placed her hand on his shoulders, while Levi grabbed her waist.

“I must have missed that”, he replied with not much interest. He looked over to Hange who stood at the edge of the dance floor, waving at him with enthusiasm. Gradually Levi understood that this evening would not be the only one he would have to spend in the girls’ company.

“Do you visit this place often, Miss?”, Levi struggled to ask. He had never noticed their visits and it did not surprise him. Neither was he very sociable nor could he remember everything Hange said during a day.

“Every spring for a couple of weeks, Sir.” She acted all friendly. “Our mother passed away shortly after we were born and father wants us to spend more time with the other girls of the family.”

Levi snorted in silent amusement.

“Because she makes such a good role model?”, he asked in a mocking tone.

“She may not be married, yet we could learn a lot from her, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi refrained to answer. If he was honest, he did not want to hear what she had to say at all. She did not seem to notice his obvious lack of interest and went on with her chatter.

“The fact that you took Mr. Jaeger under your care was truly noble of you.”

“No, not at all.”

She is so young he thought while he silently eyed the girl. And a flawless lovely face. In contrary to her sister, though, there was a subtle beauty mark over her upper lip. Levi must have been about twice her age ; he shared nothing  with her that he could build a decent conversation on. And so they remained silent while they danced, yet Fiona appeared very much pleased after all. She was a closed book for him.

The music fell silent and a country dance was announced soon after. Dutifully he accompanied Fiona back to her aunt, only to ask her twin sister for the next dance, which was accepted right away. In contrast to the waltz, country dances did not require the dancers to stand close to each other. They built two rows, separated by gender, facing each other. Levi preferred this kind of dancing himself, since it promised a certain distance to the surrounding persons. However, Levi was anywhere but with his young dancing partner. Thoughtfully his gaze wandered around, his face blank until his expression changed suddenly. Right next to him, absorbed in the act of dancing, there was no one else but Erwin Smith himself. Because of Levi’s widespread fury at Hange’s behaviour, the attempt to marry him off to her nieces and the fact he had to spend this evening in the company of those quirky ladies he had not noticed the presence of the blonde man at all. He danced with a girl Levi did not know, but showed the same expression Levi had seen on him on the morning of the duel. The keen aura of duty, not of devotion. The soldier soon noticed Levi’s stare and returned his look, a gentle smile showing on his lips. The piece of music that was played by the orchestra was a slow one and so it did not take long until Erwin finally involved Levi in a casual conversation. Considering the mere fact that these two gentlemen had pointed their guns at each other not one month prior, they treated each other surprisingly friendly.

“You dance?”, Erwin asked Levi over his shoulder.

“Whenever the circumstances demand it.”

Erwin’s smile widened.

“A ball, for example?”

“Or an acquaintance whose goal is to get me married.”

For this statement Levi received a silent glare from Sophia which he chose to ignore. He was aware about the fact that he acted in a rude manner, but secretly he hoped that this kind of behaviour would help him to get rid of the girls. Next to him Erwin laughed.

“Well, I think you are in good company, then.”

Levi looked over to Erwin’s dancing partner. It was a brunette, fragile young girl without much charm and charisma. She spread a cool aura that made Levi shiver inside. Big, watery eyes rested in a scraggy, edgy face. In contrast to her Erwin appeared to be not interested in her at all. Conscientiously he spent his time with her, like it was expected by the host of such a ball.

“Another niece of Hange?”, Levi asked towards the soldier. His smile intensified, eventually leading to a bright grin that made him shine like the sun. He gave Levi a casual look, stating that the physician was right in his opinion, until the once more stepped towards the lady, grabbing her hands.

“Rather a distant cousin”, he said. “Probably.”

Levi shook his head. At least, so it seemed, the matter of Hange’s procuring did not only affect him, but all single men in her environment. The only one who appeared safe was Mike. Levi guessed it was due to the fact he made a pretty good dancer, and that Hange disliked it to share things that were of good use for her. Both could be seen only a few meters away, dancing in an unconventional, expressive manner.

“What gives her the impression that we are in need of a wife?”, Levi muttered and could not hide his displeasure. As he looked over to Erwin once more, his eyes already rested on the physician, obviously amused.

“Isn’t it the unattainable which is the most attractive?”

Levi could not help himself but to stare at the  tall man, wearing the impressive dressing uniform of the English military. For a moment he felt as if somebody had stopped the time. Even the music only sounded from the distance. It was a magic silence, interrupted way too early by Sophia.

“What do you think about the zodiac signs, Dr. Ackerman? It is said that Gemini and Leo make a good couple.”

“I’m Sagittarius”, Levi answered short-temperedly. “And that kind of hocus-pocus makes a good pastime for gullible, old ladies, don’t you think?”

Sophia laughed as if Levi had just made the funniest joke. Her openly shown amusement as symptom of her lack of empathy impressed even him.

“Mr. Jaeger must be very grateful for all the difficulties you went through for him”, she changed the topic so suddenly that Levi raised his brows, looking at her properly for the first time since the dance had begun. Silently he remembered the duel and Eren’s lifeless body that had rested so heavy in his arms. The thought  alone that something could happen to that boy was enough to leave him trembling.

The dance ended, and Levi, caught up in the pictures in his head, remained on the dance floor.

“I would have never been able to forgive me if he had been seriously injured”, he said tonelessly and Sophia’s eyes widened.

“But Sir”, she whispered. “A bullet wound is a serious injury.”

Levi shrugged and lowered his gaze.

“It was only a grazing shot”, he answered. “It would not have taken much and this would have been his funeral, Miss Middleton.”

He avoided it to look at her and folded his arms in front of his chest. It was nothing he wanted to talk about on such an evening. An awkward silence spread out between them which was interrupted by a deep voice that sounded behind Levi.

“For a moment I thought I had shot him instead of you.”

The physician whirled around and discovered Erwin who stood right behind him. There was no trace of his dancing partner. His eyes rested on Levi’s face in silent melancholy, who found himself unable to return this look. At the bottom of his heart Levi had considered Erwin a blunt, war-affected soldier, but now, where he stood behind him like this, he showed honest regret.

“It is not like you wouldn’t have killed before”, Levi whispered. Erwin shook his head.

“To fight against an armed partisan or an unarmed child, Dr. Ackerman, is an extensive difference. I would never raise my pistol against somebody whom I consider defenceless and outnumbered in such an obvious manner.”

The surrounding couples lined up for the next dance, while the musicians retuned their instruments, but Levi did not take notice of all these things. Thunderstruck he looked at the soldier, who bid his farewell with a short nod and left the dance floor. The massacre in Spain, the combat operations against the French, the blood on Erwin’s hands – had Levi wronged him?

Suddenly, his stomach tightened into a knot. The physician took a deep breath and  watched Erwin leave , slowly realizing that he had done something unforgivable during Hange’s dinner. Shame over his actions rained down on him like a storm of lava. His mind and body heated up, Levi reached for his cravat, hoping to be able to loosen it a little.

As he finally had calmed down he turned around and raised his brows, as he noticed a small beauty mark over his partner’s upper lip. With an irritated moan he grabbed his head, eying the girl in unhidden dismay.

“Miss Fiona Middleton?”, he asked tonelessly.

“Dr. Ackerman”, she giggled and offered him her hand. Her cheeks shimmered reddish in the warm candle’s shine. “You sure notice everything.”

 

~*~

 

It took him three further dances until Levi had eventually found himself able to get rid of the twins. Since then, he was on the run of the Middleton sisters and their ever-babbling aunt. There was no way he would have been able to bare the girls’ semi-intellectual chatter one more second before acting in a rude or even insulting manner. And so, in the end, he had hidden himself in the music room, for his and their own sake.

A sigh left the physician’s lips, who run as he ran his fingers through his hair. The girls seemed to have taken a liking in him, and he was not pleased about that. Silently he let his gaze wander around the room, in which, from time to time, young ladies entertained those present by playing some pieces at the piano and thoughtfully eyed those who passed him. A glass of wine in his hands, ready to leave as soon as he spotted girls, he drank up and went over to the close buffet. From the corner of his eyes he noticed Hange, who passed him arm in arm with Mike, in the ball room’s direction. Mike must have said something remarkably amusing, since Hange’s characteristic laughter drowned out the surrounding conversations in a way that made the couples turn their heads. A thin smile appeared on the physician’s lips. Like him, this woman just could not get out of her own skin.

A couple of meters away, next to her, Levi discovered Eren and Armin at the staircase. The Middleton sisters stood next to them, fanning themselves while they chatted with the boys. To the displeasure of Levi, Eren was merrily frolicking in order to impress the ladies, and as far as the physician could tell, he was successful. The girl’s giggling filled the air, causing Levi to rapidly turn his back.

He reached the buffet and took himself a fresh glass, in which he filled some punch with a scoop. After he was done, he turned around and stopped when something caught his interest. There was a  bald , older man, who did not miss any chance to get his old dress uniform out of the closet – even though he was not holding his old title anymore. It was Mr. Pixis. Like Levi he was on his own, which was unusual since Pixis’ was a passionate dancer. If he was not dancing, he was wandering around; trying to involve clueless ball guests in a conversation which mostly ended with Pixis telling old stories whose hero and only protagonist was of course always him. In his right hand he held a glass of punch, but was just upgrading his drink with some liquor from his own flask. That old man had lost his mind decades ago. His brows furrowed, Levi went closer,  staring at him without saying a word, until he finally noticed the physician and raised his head. As he noticed Levi, a father-like smile appeared on his lips. His cheeks shimmered in a drunken red, his eyes were glazed. He was anything but sober.

“Did you just pour alcohol into your alcohol?”, Levi asked and could not hide the disgust in his voice, while he took a sip of his own drink. From the moment the first drop wetted his lips, he understood him immediately. This drink was – after all – remarkably thin. His face must have had spoken for himself, since Pixis burst out in uproarious laughter.

“Dr. Ackerman”, he coughed, “you sure notice everything.” And he took a big gulp from his own drink, was if he wanted to make sure the mixing ratio turned out right. He looked satisfied.

“You are not the first person to say this to me tonight, Pixis.” Without much fuss Levi offered him his own glass. “Here. Buy my silence and let me share in your booze.”

The  smile vanished from the old man’s face in an instant. He seemed to consider whether he could afford it to share his treasured alcohol with a stranger. After some back and thro he chose to act like a Christian gentleman and poured a little amount in Levi’s glass. The physician thanked him with a nod and took a sip afterwards.

“ Your booze is not that bad”, he commented  dryly and gained some heavy nodding from Pixis’ side.

“This is a ten year old Wilson from Stevenage. Quite a noble drop.”

“It certainly is a pity to adulterate him in such a way.”

Both pulled an approving face and continued drinking.

“I would have hardly expected you here”, said Pixis and put the flask back into his uniform pocket. It was an open secret that Levi avoided such evening societies if he could.

“This ball is the compensation for Eren’s wound.”

In the eyes of the slightly outdated gentleman suddenly showed honest respect. It did not surprise Levi at all. Arranging an event of that size to make up for such an incident definitely was an impressive matter.

“This is very generous of these two gentlemen, Dr. Ackerman. Do you enjoy yourself, though? You appear a little rushed.”

“Well, Miss Zoe chose herself the task to get me married off to one of her nieces.”

Once more Levi let his gaze wander around. It was better for his soul’s salvation to keep an eye on the girls. In the background Pixis laughed his father-like laughter.

“That is the curse we all have to suffer from. A single man of your age and nameable fortune you will have no peace attending these balls, don’t you? May I ask for your age?”

“Well, I dare say my rushed expression shall answer your question.”

The way Levi said those words caused Pixis to giggle silently, taking another sip. It was the moment when Fiona finally turned around and watched the crowd, obviously looking for something – or somebody. It did not take her long until she had discovered him. Levi’s blood froze in his veins. With a charming smile she poked her twin sister and pointed over to him, causing the second to smile as well. Levi noticed in horror how the twins addressed some words towards Eren and Armin before  they stepped down the stair case and disappeared between the guests. They were on  their way to him; there was no doubt about that. Within split seconds he emptied his glass and handed it to Pixis.

“I bid my farewell”, he said hastily and raised his hand. “For I have to go.”

The old man eyed the glass and nodded eventually.

“Take good care of yourself, Dr. Ackerman.”

“I will. Thank you for the booze.”

Without any further words Levi disappeared in the crowd, so rapidly, that the mass of black suits hat devoured him before the girls could find him. Aimlessly he wandered around until he reached a door that stood open and led out in the extensive garden. Without hesitation he left the others and stepped out in the chilly night air. He only looked back to make sure nobody followed him and took a deep breath once he was certain that he was alone. The  scent of grass, dew and flowers filled his nose and he appreciated the calmness and fresh air out here. He felt no desire to return to the ball room. Levi raised his head and looked up in the black sky. It was a clear night, yet the bright moon’s light almost covered the sparkling stars, illuminated the avenue and water fountains he had passed on the morning of the duel. Once more Levi looked over to the music room, and then folded his arms in front of his chest with a satisfied sigh. He was in the mood for  a nocturnal walk that would lead him away from the crowd, allowing his mind to calm down. He strolled over to the stone staircase which led down to the avenue and sat down. Gradually the tension he had felt during the whole evening disappeared. He braced his hands on the ground and looked up in the starlit sky.

“Your dancing partners certainly are persistent.”

Levi whirled around in surprise, but calmed down in an instant as he noticed who he was dealing with. A cheerful smile written all over his face, Erwin stood only a couple of meters apart away from him. His eyes sparkled in the moonlight.

“They inquired me after you”, he went on and stepped closer to Levi. “I felt free to inform them about the fact that I last saw you in the library.”

With these words Erwin sat down next to him. A fragile gratitude filled Levi’s chest, who silently  tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. 

"Looks like I thereby owe you my grattitude", said Levi muttered reluctantly, who was secretly annoyed over the fact  that he failed to get himself another drink during his hasty departure. He refrained from looking at the soldier directly, gazing at the black night sky instead. Despite the bright moonlight he could see way more stars than from his little house in Brighthampton. The air was pure. He was at ease. Thoughtfully Levi's gaze wandered around, stopping as he looked at the piece of woodlands where the duel had taken place.

"To be honest", began Erwin, breaking the silence. "This concept of honour and duels as such are repugnant to me ever since I can remember."

While speaking, he reached into the inner pocket of his uniform jacket. When his hand showed again, it held a flask. He took a sip before he offered it to Levi, who accepted. There was brandy in it.

"You didn't give this impression back then, Smith", Levi replied, turning the flask back and forth in his hands. It was a plain bottle made from blue glass, barely the size of his hand and of round shape, sealed with a small cork. He could see flower tendrils on the left side, framing a young woman who held a cornucopia. Fascinated Levi let his fingers slide over the filigrane patterns.

"As a soldier there is a codex you have to comply."

Erwin snorted in amusement. "And since it was you who acted  foolish enough to insult me in the presence of others I had no choice but to challenge you."

"Those were your motives?", Levi asked in a tone that made clear he did not believe a word the commander said.

"Well this... and the persistence of my dear friend, Lieutenant Zacharias."

"Whatever reason justifies that your best friend pressured you to a potentially lethal confrontation is unknown to me."

"Lieutenant Zacharias knows what is good and right, Dr. Ackerman."

Levi gave a snide snort and took another sip.

"Oh, and I don't? You could have refused this duel, since I dare say you are more than a soldier's rules."

He looked over to Erwin and was amazed to find him smiling in a way as if Levi would not understand the central point of this conversation. Such arrogance, Levi thought and bit his inner lip.

"Not everybody is free to act in a selfish manner", Erwin pictured his thoughts. "An dishonourable discharge would not only affect me but my whole family and company. They trust me."

He reached out for his flask and Levi gave it back. The man took a big sip, wiping over his lips with the back of his hand afterwards. "I must not disappoint them."

"You certainly are a pathetic bastard", Levi snidely muttered, but Erwin laughed gently. It surprised the physician to see him like this, yet even though he was a snob and gentleman, he was a soldier after all.

"Anyway", Levi went on, "this won't explain your fuss about the distance. You didn't appear like someone who wants to die so badly."

Erwin shook his head, yet the smile on his lips remained. A certain expression showed on his face, as if he had only waited for Levi to require about that discrepancy. He was a gambler, Levi thought, that was out of question.

"I reduced the distance to a minimum, so that every second who is not an absolute fool would intervene. For someone who has barely any experience with firearms, five, ten or fifteen steps will not make a big difference. The closeness to the enemy though will increase the nervousness of unexperienced duelists and therefore the chance to miss the target."

Erwin looked up at the moonlit sky.

"If one though considers to miss the target on purpose, a minimum distance offers some advantage as well. Since it is easier to shoot someone over a short distance, an aimed miss becomes easier the closer you stand to your rival, too."

Silently Levi looked at his counterpart, since the words that just had been addressed to him took some time to reveal their full meaning. Suddenly, the physician’s face was filled with hot rage. He reached out and grabbed Erwin on his collar, pulling him close with a heavy jerk.

“Are you trying to say you missed me on purpose?!”, he hissed through the darkness, while his eyes sparkled in a threatening manner. Erwin nodded, a smile still resting on his lips, loosening Levi’s hands from his clothes with an unreached patience. Due to the gentle way Erwin treated his outburst of emotions, Levi’s anger vanished in an instant. Perplex he looked at the soldier, who was smiling after all.

“Yes, I am”, Erwin went on, and amusement showed in his voice. “Your reluctance against me rather caused my interest than my anger. Somebody who hardly knows my person has  rarely treated me in such a hostile manner as you did.”

Still upset, Levi’s eyes wandered over Erwin’s face until his own cheeks started to feel warm and itchy. He lowered his gaze, most defiant staring at the ground.

“So Eren was hurt because you didn’t want to lose the source of your curiosity?”, he asked bitterly. Erwin, whose smile gradually faded, thought for a while.

“Maybe.”

Once more a rush of anger filled Levi’s chest, whose eyes narrowed to small slits. Eyes, sparkling in the moonlight, stared at Erwin. Levi was ready to attack him once the situation demanded it. Slender fingers grabbed the fabric of his pants, finally clenching to fists.

“All of this - the duel, the wound – was nothing but a mere game for you, am I right?”, he growled with barely hidden contempt, which caused Erwin to laugh, firing Levi’s anger even more. When Erwin looked at the physician once more, his eyes were filled with zest for life.

“Life  _ is _ a game, Dr. Ackerman. It was hard to expect you to win and Eren’s wound…” Their gazes met in the darkness. “Please believe me if I assure you that I would have preferred to avoid this incident.”

The physician fell silent for a while. Motionless he looked at the glass bottle that appeared lost in Erwin’s huge hands and in which the moonlight broke itself. Then his gaze wandered over to the sea, from which the fountain’s rippling sounded over to them, finally looking at the forest, which’s quiet murmur reminded him of the duel itself. He could hear the sounds of the ball and the drunken voices of the others.

“Did Lieutenant Zacharias knew about this?”, Levi eventually asked. Erwin shook his head.

“No. I didn’t tell anyone.” He laughed quietly. “He would have only tried to convince me otherwise. By now he will probably have his own ideas about that, though.”

He started to gather small stones from the ground, throwing them towards the water fountain. Whether they reached their goal remained unrevealed; the sounds of the fountain itself were too loud. On Levi’s face curiosity showed.

“Why should he do that?”

“Well”, answered Erwin, who refrained from throwing any further rocks and turned towards Levi. “Because you would most certainly not sit here next to me if I had seriously intended to shoot you.”

Levi’s face darkened in grim.

“I should kick you in that water fountain for this generosity, you know?”, he said and cracked his knuckles.

Once more Erwin laughed, leaving Levi frozen and unsure what to think. Neither in Hange’s nor in Mike’s company Levi had ever heard him laughing this way.

“Go for it”, he said, as if he could hardly wait for Levi to put his threat into practice. “But let me tell you, my weight is about 180 pounds.”

Nobody said a thing for a while, until Levi snorted finally.

“Such a pity”, he muttered without looking at Erwin, “ten pounds less and it shall be easy for me.”

Now both smiled in the darkness, not knowing that the other felt the same, only illuminated by the pale moonlight. They fell silent together, but for the first time since they met it was not awkward at all. And the longer the silence lasted, the more tensioning tense it became. In the end, Levi’s heart started to beat violently in his chest. Nervously he placed his hand on his chest and took a deep breath, before he loosened the cravat, that covered his neck in multiple, thin layers.

“Have you been in involved in this massacre, Smith?”, Levi suddenly burst out. He looked over to Erwin, whose face darkened as a result of Levi’s words.

“This is not a topic to discuss at a ball, Dr. Ackerman”, he tried to ward off Levi’s question, but he was not willed to give up yet. He needed to know. Since the first evening at Hange’s salon this question had burned in his heart. And before he knew it, he was filled with curiosity to an extend that made it almost impossible for him to remain seated on the staircase.

“But we are not at the ball anymore. We’re out here, far away from music, potential brides and the usual social gossip.”

“This may be the case”, Erwin interrupted. “But still – I beg you to understand that this is nothing I would like to talk to you about. At least not tonight.”

His voice had taken a soft, yet pleading tone and Levi shivered inside. The soldier had revealed his deepest thoughts to him, showing him parts of his soul that made him vulnerable, even though he had not revealed any details of his past. Levi did not know how to deal with this and frowned helplessly. His heart was still beating so fast that he felt restless and hot, and even though he enjoyed it to sit next to Erwin, he could not bear it any longer. He got up and went down the staircase, stopping at its  final step . There, Levi turned around, giving the Commander a challenging look.

“Forgive me, for I have acted in such an indiscreet manner”, he referred to their conversation in the library of Stenton Park. “But didn’t you threaten to bother me with your honourable person until I decided to change my opinion about you?” He nodded towards the water fountain. “You can show me the gardens. This will keep me away from Hange and her clanship and provides you the chance to put your plans into practice.”

Once more Erwin’s characteristic laughter sounded in the darkness.

“Seems like the girls left a strong impression on you, doctor”, he mocked the younger one who afterwards rolled his eyes. Levi folded his arms, waiting for Erwin, who scrambled back on his feet and put the flask back into his uniform jacket. Seconds later he had reached him.

“Heaven forbid”, Levi moaned. “Eren can have them. Both. And Miss Zoe’s cousin as well, if I interpret your behaviour back then correctly.”

“Perhaps.”

Together they strolled down the avenue. Grand old oaks seamed their way to their left, while to their right extended the water fountain, which formed a long rectangular water basin. With every step the stones under their shoes cracked silently, mixing into the crickets’ chirps. Everything that surrounded them indicated that the summer would blossom to its full magnificence during the next weeks. A cheerful ease filled their hearts and the sweetish smelling air.

“They will notice that you are missing before long”, Levi broke the silence.

“Certainly not. And even so, they will be able to amuse themselves even without my help.”

The soldier folded his arms on his back, while they went next to each other. Some strands of hair covered his eyes.

“Say, Dr. Ackerman”, he continued, “How did you meet Miss Zoe?”

“I made her acquaintance after she moved from London to Brighthampton. The locals were not very fond of a single lady without any intention to marry moving to their neighbourhood. People here live a sheltered and more conservative life than in London, as you may have already noticed.” Erwin nodded. “We were introduced to each other at a ball”, Levi continued in the  meantime . “I guess she chose me to be her solid rock, since she contacted me all along afterwards.”

Pictures of their first meeting appeared in front of his inner eyes, in pale colours and blurred. This evening had occurred so long ago, that he could barely recall any details. There was one thing though, he would never be able to forget. It was the sound of her laughter in his ears. Never before, and even afterwards he had met a woman with such a warm and sincere laughter. With her quirkiness she somehow had managed it to win a place in his heart and his life. “I eventually got used to her during the years and finally offered her some of my sympathy”, Levi finished his narration and looked over to Erwin, who silently went next to him. His eyes stuck at him. Curious, almost greedy, he had listened to every of Levi’s words. “How about you?”, the physician asked, trying to let it sound casual. “How do you know her?”

“We grew up together in London”, the soldier answered without hesitation. A nostalgic expression showed on his face. His eyes stared into the air, as if he could see pictures of their commonly shared past. “Our families are friends ever since I can remember. And in my opinion, Miss Zoe has always been a lady that equalled a gentleman in character and education.” He smiled gently. “When I reached the age of twelve they sent Lieutenant Zacharias and me to the military academy and eventually to the English army. She, therefore, went to Brighthampton. And still…” He hesitated for a moment, as if searching for words that would express, what burned in his heart. “Friendships that will not be harmed by such developments do exist. Even if we haven’t met for months or years, it never feels as if we were really apart at all. Such friends can be rarely found.” The soldier sighed, almost satisfied. “How about you, Dr. Ackerman?”

Levi was not sure what to answer. Erwin was a charismatic bon vivant, sophisticated and open-minded, while he formed his introverted counterpart.

“I am not a particularly convivial person, as Miss Zoe and Eren can easily confirm.”

“How about your family? Your parents? You mentioned that you’ve been raised by a patron, but…”

A burning desire to know lingered in Erwin’s eyes. It had been a while since somebody had shown such open interest in his person and Levi, who was not used to such behaviour, felt slightly nervous about that.

“My parents”, Levi interrupted him, as if this was a topic he disliked to talk about, “once owned a farmstead in Derbyshire, yet it could not provide us a decent living or cover my father’s depts. He left us one day and never returned. It didn’t take long and before we lost everything. The farm, our existence, even the roof over our heads.” While he spoke, his face inherited a mask-like expression. No emotions laid in his voice. It took him too much concentration to kill off these hated pictures of his past. Without looking at Erwin, he led the way. “My mother took us to London with her. She suspected some of our relatives to live there and hoped that they would turn out to be generous enough to help us in this dreadful situation.”

“You said us – do you have siblings?”, Erwin said as amazed as Levi, when he had asked the same question in Stenton Park’s salon weeks ago.

“Yes”, Levi whispered, “three, just like you. Two brothers and one sister. We all had the same grey eyes and the same black hair.”

The physician hesitated, reaching for the knot of his cravat. “We resided in a small chamber close to the docks with our mother. Two years later the tuberculosis got her.”

Levi looked at Erwin from the corner of his eyes. He seemed to struggle with himself, considering whether he could risk it to ask Levi any further questions.

“What happened then?”, he asked reluctantly. For a moment Levi’s eyes rested on his face, his brows furrowed. He could only guess how much self-control it must have taken Erwin not to pelt him with questions. Like usual, he acted all gentle and self-possessed disciplined?.

“We ended up on the streets. All of us. While you learned how to sit still and interpret Latin texts at your academy, I learned how to pick out what’s eatable from the citizen’s garbage and to assert myself against those who were bigger and stronger than me.” The physician stopped for a mere moment. “According to my body height you may guess that these were not only a few.”

A thin smile appeared on their lips. For a while both remained silent, while their gaze wandered around the landscape, at ease with each other and the world.

“Where are your siblings now?”

Levi shrugged.

“Who knows”, he said bitterly. “When I saw them for the last time I was a child myself. I would hardly recognize them. And who knows whether they are still alive.”

He tried to recall the faces of his siblings, but failed. The memories remained vague. They were separated from each other now way too long and in his well-structured working days he hardly wasted any thoughts on his past. They belonged to a part of his life that was lost forever. He was not the boy he used to be. “My patron was a good and upright man, Smith. He worked as a physician long before I moved to his house in Brighthampton. A journey led him to London and before we knew it our paths crossed. I was sitting on a staircase, like that one over there, and examined him.” He snorted and smiled despite himself. “I had never seen such a flamboyant, wealthy man before. I could not help myself but to stare at him. Our eyes met. He hesitated but then he came onto me.”

“What did he say?”, Erwin asked and Levi thought about it.

“He would give me a life if I’d accompany him.”

The soldier frowned.

“Weren’t you scared he could harm you?”, her asked honestly surprised, proving once more to Levi, that he had no idea what poverty meant for a child that age. He did not know how it felt like to be closer to death than to life, only a child, alone, because nobody cared whether one would breathe the last breath in London’s streets.

“I was not scared of death anymore. I was scared of dying, of course. But not of death itself. Everything was better than to live on like this. I was halfway starved, a bunch of skin, bones and tendons in shabby clothes. And so I followed him.”

“But why did he  choose you?”, Erwin insisted. “There are plenty of children on London’s streets.”

Once more Levi shrugged. It was a question that had hunted him in his dreams not just once, even though he had always tried to shake it off.

“I don’t know”, he whispered bitterly, “but before he died he mentioned that my gaze had inherited something that other boys in my age were lacking. Whatever  that was supposed to mean…”

“The unconditional will to stay alive”, Erwin raised his voice. “I saw the same expression in the eyes of my comrades and can see them in yours as well, whenever I look at you.”

He slipped his hands into his pockets, suddenly appearing more at ease than before. Eventually he shook his head.

“If you will pardon my saying so, but you do not have the face of a guttersnipe.”

What kind of face did a boy need to suit Erwin’s picture of a guttersnipe? Levi did not know. He furrowed his brows.

“Is that so?”, he asked. “What kind of face do you think I have?”

“The face of an aristocrat, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi made an unbelieving sound.

“You’re making fun of me.”

“By no means.” The blonde man raised his hand and friendly patted Levi’s shoulder. “I have never met someone whose skin was paler than yours. The shape of your face is filigree and flawless, your gaze is as sharp as a knife and your lips mock what your heart cannot appreciate. All this is definitely an aristocratic habit.”

Once more Levi’s cheeks started to feel warm and itchy. The physician lowered his gaze in embarrassment.

“You are wasting your attention  on things like  these , Smith?”

“I pay attention to many things, doctor.”

They had left the ball so far behind that they could hardly hear the music anymore. Only the thing that filled the air  was the water’s rippling. “Even to all the small mistakes you made during your dances, to mention only one example.”

Levi raised his brows and looked over to Erwin.

“What kind of mistakes are that supposed to be?”

They arrived at the end of the water basin. If they looked back, they could see the estate of Stenton Park in the far away distance, illuminating the night with its countless candles. Erwin, who had led the way, left the way path and stepped on the grass of the surrounding lands, turning towards the physician after seconds of hesitation. Their eyes met in the darkness.

“You are not taking much pleasure in waltz, are you?”, Erwin asked.

“No”, Levi replied coldly. “I prefer country dances.”

The Commander smiled gently.

“Less physical contact?”

“Yes.”

“I am not very surprised, to be honest.”

“Why?”

“Because I have never seen a person waltzing in such a stiff manner before.” The soldier pointed on a spot on the ground next to him. “Come here.”

Obviously surprised Levi raised his brows, eventually following the Commander’s invitation. In the moment he stepped on the grass a breeze grabbed him, playing with his hair that had been combed back before. Levi tucked some strands behind his ear, stopping in front of Erwin with a defiant face.

“What’s  this all about?”, he asked. A satisfied smile showed on Erwin’s lips. He appeared so calm, while Levi felt more and more confused.

“Stand right in front of me”, Erwin ordered him and Levi frowned.

“Commander Smith”, he said.

“I will correct your mistakes.”

The physician took a deep breath, eyeing his counterpart in mistrust, while the blonde man friendly replied his look. Levi opened his mouth to give him a snappish answer, but the sparkling in Erwin's eyes silenced him in an instant. “You certainly don't want to have the reputation to be horrible dancer, doctor”, Erwin continued unswervingly, while Levi silently rolled his eyes. How  he would loved to explain  to him that he did not care at all about what women thought of his way  of dancing and that everything was fine for him as long as it guaranteed that he could remain on his own. But not a single t hought left his lips and the physician gradually realized that Erwin would not let him go until he had finally given up and granted him his wish. And so, Levi stepped closer.

“I think my dancing skills are not so bad at all, Smith”, he hummed discontentedly, but Erwin ignored his reluctance completely.

“Place your hands upon my shoulders.”

Sudden outrage showed on the physician's face.

“Are you serious?”, he hissed.

“I cannot show it to you unless you let me.”

Levi looked back over his shoulder, just to make sure that nobody stood close to them. He could not believe what he had just heard. That man really tried to push him into the woman's position. It had been a wile since someone had dared to treat him in such a disrespectful manner. Filled with anger he looked back to Erwin and hesitated, as there was no mockery on Erwin's face, no judgement. Instead, he watched the younger with silent expectation, with the curiosity of a child, that had a crush on it's new playfellow.

Levi pressed his lips to a thin line, granted him this wish and placed his hands on Erwin's shoulders. In contrary, Erwin placed his on Levi's hips. He could explicitly feel them through the fabric and lowered his gaze. Silently he watched his feet. In contrast to Erwin's they appeared almost childlike.

“You stood too far away from each other”, Erwin began with a low and gentle voice. He had barely ended his sentence, as he pulled Levi a little closer. Not much, and the physician would have stumbled against his chest.

“Too far away, sure”, Levi remarked snidely, but so silent that Erwin did not seem to hear him. He reached for Levi's left hand and placed it on his cummerbund. It took Levi all his self-possession to keep his blank face.

“They need to be located right here, do you see? If you place them here the right distance will come up just naturally.”

“Yes.”

“But this is only decoration”, Erwin went on. “That's not what it's all about.”

“Oh?”, Levi said sarcastically. “What is it all about then? Enlighten me.”

Erwin smiled most satisfied.

“It is supposed to look as if the dancing couple is flying over the dance floor.” They tried some steps together, during which the soldier moved very stiff and expressionless, to illustrate Levi what he was trying to suggest. “Do you understand what I am trying to show you?”

Once more the physician nodded and pulled a wry face afterwards. He had expected Erwin to let him go after this dancing lesson, but that was not the case. Instead he started a slow waltz in such an unforeseeable manner that Levi missed it to protest, eventually at ease with his destiny. Silently he watched his hands on the shoulders of this big man, remembered their handshake before the duel that had lasted a little longer than the convention had demanded.

Erwin lead better than Levi had expected him to. Together they leisurely circled around in the moonlight, both not losing uttering a single word. The longer they danced like this, the slower became the tact of the imaginary metre to which they moved. And with increasing intimacy the distance between those two men decreased as well. Levi almost had to stand on his tiptoes to keep his hands on Erwin's shoulders and so it was not much of a surprise that they gradually slid down until they gently rested on Erwin's chest.

Suddenly, Erwin leaned down and whispered something into Levi's ear.

“What happened to you that you became such a joyless person, Dr. Ackerman?”

He could feel the breathe of his vis-á-vis on his neck and shivered. Levi found himself unable to raise his head. Instead, they slowly continued to dance.

“Whatever gives you that idea?”

“You seem as if you picture this life as a duty that needs to be fulfilled. I have shown this kind of expression often enough by myself to recognize it on every face.”

Levi clicked his tongue in disagreement.

“This is ridiculous.”

The blonde man hesitated. For a split second only, his temple touched the physician's. He removed one hand from Levi's hip and grabbed his, which still rested on Erwin's chest. Carefully some unfamiliar fingers closed around his and Levi's heart began to beat faster.

“You act hostile and cold even towards your closest friends. The only difference is that they have learned to read you, that's all.”

Levi thought of Eren and Hange and to his own displease he had to admit that the other was right. They knew how to read him. The duel against Erwin formed the proof that his way of acting appeared rude and insulting to everyone but his closest friends.

“Not everybody is free to act in a selfish manner, Commander Smith”, Levi whispered tonelessly, still staring against Erwin's chest. “Haven't you just only said this yourself?”

A silent laughter left Erwin's throat and Levi could feel his breath on his cheeks. Their temples still touched each other.

“I may have”, the soldier whispered, causing Levi to raise his head. Their faces were so close to each other, that he could feel the warmth of his counterpart. Even in this nocturnal darkness Erwin's eyes reflected the moonlight, which shaded his striking face. His lips were slightly opened.

Before Levi knew it, everything around them fell silent. He did not even notice his own heartbeat. Once more Erwin bend forward, whereby his nose gently slid down Levi's cheek, who let all of this happen motionlessly. Seconds later he felt the unfamiliar breathe of the other on his own lips, who was separated from him only by a few millimetres. Following an unfamiliar urge, Levi closed his eyes, waiting for -

“ERWIN!”

Levi's heart stopped beating for a second. He gasped for breath and stepped back, before he whirled around and looked towards the place, where he considered the owner of this voice  to be . It was Mike. Levi discovered him not far from the staircase, coming at them with rapid, strong steps. Erwin let go of Levi's hands right away, who immediately began to rearrange his clothing. When he looked over to Erwin he had already returned to the gravel road that had led them to this place earlier, accommodating his friend.

His face wearing a blank expression, Levi stared at him. He felt as if somebody had just woken him up from the strangest dreams.

What was that just now?

The steps on the gravel suddenly fell silent and Levi raised his gaze. Erwin was waiting for him and therefore he followed him as fast as he could. After they had passed the water basin halfway they finally united with Mike. He appeared outraged, but not really angry.

“They guests keep asking for you”, he said towards Erwin. While talking, his eyes wandered back and forth between the commander and the physician, obviously uncertain what to think about their sudden disappearance from the ball. Erwin skilfully ignored his remark, but Levi furrowed his brows.

“We just went for a brief walk”, Erwin defended them. “How long were we gone?”

For a second only, Mike's face darkened.

“For approximately one hour, Erwin.”

Erwin looked surprised, but not quite interested. It was Mike who now addressed himself to Levi. “Moreover the Middleton sisters and Miss Zoe were looking for you. Seems they took quite a fancy to you, Dr. Ackerman.”

“You sure notice everything, Lieutenant Zacharias.”

Levi disparagingly clicked his tongue and folded his arms in front of his chest. From the corners of his eyes he noticed that a thin smile showed on Erwin's face. Annoyed, Levi pursed his lips and tried to ignore Mike, whose eyes were still resting on him. Did he see enough to make up his mind? Not that they had done anything wrong.

“Well, it might be better to return right away then”, Erwin said cheerfully and forged ahead, while Mike and Levi followed him teeth grinding.

The Middleton sisters.

He was almost dying to meet them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen, good evening!
> 
> As promised the next part of Lend me your Summer. I want to show my grattitude for all these lovely and kind comments. They really mean a lot to me. I hope you liked what you read - and don't be too angry with Mike. The poor guy is only doing his job. 
> 
> My university finals are approaching, so I will meet you probably around the middle or end of july. Maybe a little earlier.
> 
> Have a nice summer break! <3
> 
> HerrKirschbaum


	7. Myosotis Leviathanes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find the illustrations to this chapter here as usual:
> 
> http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/

~*~

[ChapterOST](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFAA2534594CA0D77)

~*~

 

One week had passed since the ball. Since then Levi had not received any messages or letters from Stenton Park, yet it was nothing that bothered him at all. Whenever he thought of the ball, he remembered its unusual ending. He, his arms wrapped around the commander’s neck and Mike’s unannounced appearance which should not have occurred one second later. Levi did not know what to think about that. And so he had tried to forget what happened on that evening, had spent his days working, like he used to whenever he did not understand what happened with him. It numbed his thoughts, his feelings, his heart and he liked it that way.

The summer, in the meanwhile, had reached its full blossom, enabling the people of Brighthampton to replace their heavy woolen tailcoats with lighter ones made from linen. This day as well would become warm and sunny. Levi could not see one cloud at the sky during his breakfast with Eren one hour prior.

“Miss Zoe wants me to let you know that she will pick us up with her carriage around four o’clock in the afternoon.”

Eren stepped into the doorframe which led to the salon, holding a letter in his hand, which he had just quoted from. Levi, who still stood in the hallway, handed the boy his hat, coat and gloves. The physician carried goods he had bought downtown earlier in the morning, a trip from which he had returned just minutes ago. It was the usual routine, which, since the duel had passed, dictated his daily schedule. Everything was back to normal. And while Eren had behaved obedient and calm during the first days after the ball, he was now back to his stubbornness and temptation that was so typical for his adolescent youth. “She also writes that we shall not rack our brains about the meals”, Eren went on while he draped Levi’s clothing over his arm in a way that would no longer risk to drop them. “She will take care of everything. Does that mean she intends to cook herself?”

“Great”, Levi muttered, running his fingers through his hair. “It will most certainly be uneatable then.”

He passed Eren and entered his treatment rooms through a door next to the stairs. It was a small chamber that contained only a few plain pieces of furniture. On a simple wooden desk there were documents and writing materials. Next to it stood a shelf, loaded with medical books, boxes with medical equipment and medication. His doctor’s bag was stored there as well. Furthermore bottles of different sizes, shapes and colours, some with, some without content, properly labelled. The opium was still missing. Within a few meters distance stood a huge treatment table. It was a unadorned, from massive wood manufactured piece of furniture that formed the centre of this room.

Levi stopped in front of the shelf, took one of the books and opened it. While he did so, he noticed from the corners of his eyes that Eren had followed him. He was still carrying the physician’s clothing.

“You should not speak evil of Miss Zoe, Sir. She tries really hard.”

“You were never forced to eat something she had prepared herself, Eren”, Levi replied thoughtfully, letting his gaze searchingly wander over the pages. In the end, he closed the book with a snap and placed it back on the shelf. “People have lost their minds for less. Apart from that…”

There was a sudden knocking at the front door. Both exchanged a look. Nobody of them was expecting any visitors.

“Eren”, began Levi, who placed the bag he was carrying at the treatment table and started to take out the goods. Paper, medication and bandages. “Go and open the door. And get rid of these god damn clothes.” Once more he reached into the bag and took out a parcel of the size of his hand, wrapped in paper. He hesitated for a second, then addressed the boy once more.

“Wait a second.”

The boy who had already turned to walk away, stopped.

“Yes, Sir?”, he asked with a voice that showed his fear to have done something wrong. With a skilled movement, Levi threw the parcel to Eren, who somehow managed it to catch, almost dropping the other things he was holding. He eyed the brown paper in unhidden curiosity, then looked over to his foster father.

“What’s that?”

“Candied lemons.”

A broad smile appeared on the boy’s lips. It did not happen often, but from time to time, Levi kept him in mind during his weekly purchases. It was an act of silent affection that Levi could not express otherwise. “And now go and open the door before the visitor flew the coop.”

Eren nodded and struggled to shift the parcel into his waistcoat’s pockets.

“Yes, Sir.”

Then he turned away. He was halfway through the door, as Levi once more raised his voice.

“Didn’t you forget something?”, he yelled at Eren, who could not be seen any more. The boy’s answer sounded through the whole house.

“Thank you, Sir!”

The physician snorted silently and shook his head, folding his arms in front of his chest. A thin smile showed on his lips. This boy really owned too much energy.

Levi looked over to his desk, on which still documents and reports laid scattered all over. Mostly notes he had taken before and of which he intended to make a neat copy later. He reached into the pocket of his waistcoat, in which he usually carried a small note book with him, but there was nothing inside. He frowned and looked around, suddenly remembering that he might have forgotten it in the waistcoat he had worn yesterday. Without hesitating he turned around and headed his bedroom. In the foyer he met Eren, who was just closing the door behind him with his feet. He held a remarkably big package in his arms, wrapped in brown paper, neatly knotted.

“Who was it?”, Levi asked casually, one foot already resting at the first step of the staircase when Eren answered him over the edge of the package.

“Our tailor. What did you order, Sir?”

Normally they paid him a visit every spring in order to purchase the wardrobe of a whole year at once. This year’s order had already been delivered weeks ago.

“I haven’t ordered anything”, Levi replied and furrowed his brow. He stepped closer to Eren and reached out for him. “Give it to me.”

Eren handed him the package. It was heavy, but not as much as Levi had expected it, considering the mere size. Without addressing even one more word to his ward he stepped on the stairs as the door bell rang again. The physician sighed and gave his ward a last look. “Tell them I’m not in.”

When he entered his room he placed the package on his bed and went over to a chair on which he had carefully draped the clothes of the prior day. Like expected he found the note book in his waistcoat’s pocket. After he had taken it, he went over to his bed and took the business card that was pinned between the packing paper and the lanyard. He skimmed what was written there then broke the package’s seal. He was just about to remove the paper when he heard steps on the stairs, causing him to stop. They sounded hunted. Only split seconds later the door flew open and Eren entered. His eyes hastily searched for Levi’s gaze, who looked visibly irritated.

“Eren”, he muttered and sighed. “You shall knock before you just rush inside. What’s wrong?”

“There is a Miss Lane at the door, Sir. She says her mother did not wake up this morning.”

“But she’s still amongst the living, is she?”

The boy’s eyes widened. He hesitated, not sure if this was supposed to be a serious question, then shrugged helplessly.

“According to her words, yes. She is waiting in the salon.”

The physician looked back and forth between Eren and the package. He would have loved to know what was hiding behind the brown paper, yet apparently this had to wait.

“Go and get your coat. I expect you downstairs in two minutes.”

  


Miss Lane was about the same age as Eren, and, according to her own statements, the youngest of seven siblings. She had a nice, but a slightly haggard face and ash blonde hair. The clothes she was wearing were not those of a wealthy family, but she was clean and well groomed. When Levi had welcomed her in the salon she appeared very tense. Shyly her eyes had wandered around, eying the expensive furniture and even though she was, like Eren, taller than Levi, she seemed to be scared of his grim face.

They rushed through the streets on foot since it had been impossible to get a horse carriage in such a short amount of time. Eren, who by now wore the same plain clothing as his foster father, carried his doctor’s bag. In the meanwhile, Levi tried to gather information about his new patient but it was difficult. Miss Lane was a shy, taciturn young girl.

“She did not feel well for the past few weeks”, she murmured so silently that Levi could hardly understand her. “We thought she had caught a cold. The place we live in is so draughty. But then she started to spoil the meals.”

While she spoke she constantly patted her upper arms with her flat hands, as if she was cold although the sun was shining. They passed playing children, beggars, shopping ladies and market criers, but he did not notice them at all. “She is sleeping the whole time. I have never seen someone sleeping so much in my whole life, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Why didn’t you ask for a doctor earlier?”, Levi asked. He was not very pleased about the previous declaration of his patient’s condition.

“Father had business in Bath. He is a salesman. And seven children…” The girl shrugged. “We thought she was exhausted, you know? Or that she was recovering.” With every spoken word her face grew more and more serious, her voice lowering until she finally fell silent.

“Does she eat?”

“Hardly. She won’t keep it in.”

“Since when?”

“For two days now. But she did not have much appetite during the whole week. I always told her: ‘Eat, mama, you have to eat’, but she did not even listen to me.”

Biting his inner lip, Levi refrained from giving her a snide remark. They were way too late. Gradually he gained the ominous foreboding that he would not appreciate what was about to come.

They reached the girl’s home, a plain town house of two floors. It was smaller than Levi's – too small for the mentioned nine persons to live there properly. Wordlessly he followed the girl through the door to the biggest room of the house, a strange mixture of kitchen, living and dining room. It was barely more than a chamber, filled with only a few pieces of furniture. They entered a loud and hectic bustle. Small children, older children, all were running around here and there, chasing each other as far as they could. Levi watched the girl that had led him here without saying a thing. She might have been pretty, yet her eyes were empty as they stared at the scene. Eren had barely closed the door behind them, when the girl took one of her siblings, wiping the little face and nose with a cloth. Afterwards she accompanied Levi and Eren to another door that led to the parental bedroom. She knocked timidly and opened.

The man of the house was already waiting for them. It was a slender, tall man, from whose hollow face a pair of calm eyes looked over to them.

“Thank you for coming so fast, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi gave him a fleeting nod.

“Mr. Lane.”

“Martha, go and take care of your siblings.”

The girl nodded and left the room like she was told. Mr. Lane went over to them and shook their hands.

“Please”, he began and pointed into the middle of the room. “Come in. The bed is over there.”

Silently the physician let his gaze wander around. It was a tiny chamber with small windows, through which barely any light could fall. Like he had noticed countless times before, there was the smell of infirmity and vomit laying over all. In the right corner of the room there was a small double bed. Next to it stood a washing basin, and, in close proximity, a wedding cupboard. Levi noticed a plain wooden cross over the door frame. He gestured Eren to follow him and went over to the double bed, where both could take a short look at the patient for the first time.

Next to him Eren gasped for breath and he had to pull himself together as well in order not to pull a wry face. It was their good fortune that their host stood behind them, not able to see their faces.

“If you would be so kind to leave us alone for a moment”, Levi struggled to say through his clenched teeth. Behind him he could hear muttered sounds of agreement. Little later the door was opened and closed again.

Both took a deep breath and exchanged a long look. The woman that was lying in the bed was very thin. She had the face of an old person, yet she was not much older than Levi. The face was hollow, like silk paper the skin covered the sunken cheeks.

“Do me a favour and open the window, Eren.”

The younger obeyed. After that he returned to the bed. His eyes carefully watched every of the physician’s movements, who now began to examine the woman.

“The cheeks are sunken, the skin is cold as ice”, he said, his voice filled with the experience of the past years and checked her pulse. “Her heartbeat can hardly be felt.”

“She appears consumptive”, Eren mumbled next to him and folded his arms in front of his chest. “But her daughter did not mention her coughing.”

“Hand me the smelling salt.”

Eren nodded. He reached into the bag and gave his foster father a glass, tear shaped flacon with a brass lock. Levi opened it and held it under the patient’s nose. After that, her breath accelerated. She opened her eyes. Glassy they wandered around, but neither focused on Levi or his protégé.

“Miss Lane?”, Levi asked and gently touched her hand. She hardly showed any reaction. Once more he addressed her, but before he could involve her into a conversation, she lost her consciousness. Frustrated he bit his inner lip. He handed Eren the bottle back and carefully opened her mouth. Silently he examined her tongue, then furrowed his brows. Her mucous membranes had taken a dark colour. Afterwards he grabbed the blanked and pulled it back as cautious as he could. His eyes rushed over neck, arms and the exposed parts of her chest. Everywhere her skin showed dark spots. It was the first time in his long-standing work as a physician that he saw something like that.

“Look at this, Eren”, he said and nodded towards the bed. The boy leaned over her.

“What is that?”

“I don’t know”, Levi whispered. “I’ve never seen something like this before.”

“She looks so lean, Sir.”

“Yes.”

Levi covered her emaciated body with the blanket and sighed. He watched her for a while, silently recapitulating every memory that had only a slight similarity to this clinical picture. His effort remained without result.

“Why did she not call for you earlier, Sir…”, Eren mumbled in a subdued manner.

“She is young and naïve. Apart from that – I am not quite sure if this would have made a difference. I can’t even tell for certain what’s wrong with her.”

“Will you bleed her?”

Levi shook his head.

“That would give her the rest. I will write down the names of some tinctures for Mr. Lane that he shall give to her. She’s dehydrated, too.”

He reached into his waistcoat and took out the small note book. Hastily he wrote down a couple of words, then ripped out the page with a skilful hand movement.

“Go and get him back in, Eren.”

His protégé nodded and left the room. Soon after he returned accompanied by Mr. Lane. He appeared settled, yet his gaze kept wandering back and forth between the bed and the physician. He did not look like he cared at all. Maybe, though, Levi thought, he was a person like himself, a person who did not show his affections openly.

“What is wrong with her, doctor?”, Mr. Lane’s voice broke the silence. He sounded fragile.

“I can’t say for sure.” Once more Levi looked over to the woman. “She shows symptoms that are hard to read. Did she cough a lot or mentioned bloody sputum?”

“No, not at all.”

Thereby Levi could exclude tuberculosis. It was no help, though. Levi went over to the man of the house, handing him the paper he neatly folded in the middle before.

“I wrote down a couple of things for you. Make sure she takes them every four hours. I will come back tomorrow morning and look after her.”

The man nodded timidly but his face darkened with every passing second. His fingers closed around the piece of paper, holding it in silent desperation before he eventually put it into his waistcoat’s pocket.

“Do you think my wife will recover?”, he asked but his voice was lacking of hope.

“Allow me to be honest with you, Mr. Lane.”

“I beg you, doctor.”

Levi hated this kind of conversation. With a nod he ordered Eren to take care of his bag. Eren seemed to know what was about to come and lowered his gaze in an affected manner. Levi cleared his throat. “It might be a good idea to get a clergyman for her.”

Within split seconds the man’s face changed into a mask of mute horror. Only his inner lip started twitching. Levi lowered his gaze and looked over to the door, where he noticed young Miss Lane. Motionless, she stared back at him with wide, expressionless eyes. If her mother died she would be the oldest girl around here. She would have to take care of every task. And she would have to marry the first man that gave her an offer. Just like that girl from the book Eren used to read at Stenton Park. Levi knew and her face stated that she knew as well. And due to Levi’s words, she turned pale as a ghost. Silently he clenched his jaw. He could not bear her stare.

  


Neither Levi nor Eren had spoken much during their way back home. Silently they wandered next to each other. In contrary to the suicide victim a couple of weeks ago, this patient affected Levi more than he would like to admit. Once they had returned he would give Eren the afternoon off and spend some time in his reading room until Hange's carriage would pick them up.

The worst thing about his profession was the powerlessness he had to endure whenever he found himself unable to help.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and leaned back against the dark brown door. A sigh left his lips. After all these years he still needed some time for himself after such a day. Silently he ran his fingers through his hair. He would lie down for half an hour, take care of some work and spend the rest of the day in Eren’s and Hanji’s company.

His gaze wandered around and suddenly stopped as his eyes discovered the package he had received only hours ago. He had totally forgotten about it due to the unlucky Miss Lane. For a second his heartbeat accelerated, in silent curiosity about what it may contain. He went over to his bed, sat down on the unadorned bedspread and removed the brown paper.

Several pieces of clothing appeared. There was a tailcoat of anthracite colour without collar. Furthermore breaches of the same colour and a plain waistcoat of good quality. Underneath Levi discovered a shirt made of linen, so soft and fine that Levi’s fingers shimmered through the fabric. It was clearly the clothing of a servant, but the material and manufacture were of such high quality that even a gentleman would find no embarrassment being seen in such garments. Levi furrowed his brows, holding up the tailcoat first, then the shirt. Both were too large for him and still this package had been addressed to him. He folded them and was about to lay them back on his bed, as he noticed a box of the size of a fist and a sealed letter that must have been placed underneath the shirt. Filled with curiosity he took the letter and discovered a large, squiggly ‘S’ that had been pressed into the sealing wax. Suddenly, a silent premonition filled his chest. He broke the seal, unfolded the letter and started to read. One look proved him right. This handwriting was very much familiar to him.

  


_Dear Dr. Ackerman,_

_It may not be adequate to intrude myself with a favour of that kind, yet_ _I pray_ _you shall forgive me. The damage I caused to you and your protégé both physically and mentally cannot be compensated by earthly goods, and leaves me, considering its ethical dimension, as you may understand, in shock until the present day. Therefore I allowed myself to order a new suit for the young Mr. Jaeger that equals the one that was damaged during the duel. For the sake of my inward peace I ask you to accept this present as my last attempt to compensate for the sustained harm._

_Furthermore, Lieutenant Zacharias and I are planning to spend the upcoming Sunday with a nice hunt should the weather be appropriate. I would highly appreciate your and your protégé’s presence in this undertaking._

_I request your answer as soon as possible._

_With the greatest esteem and respect I remain in deepest hope._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Erwin Smith_

_P.S.: The content of the attached box shall be addressed to you. I thought you could take a liking in it. Consider it a proof of my devoted, friendly appreciation._

  


Slowly, Levi lowered the letter and looked over to the small box that had been wrapped in translucent paper, tied up tightly with cord in the kind of skilful manner their tailor would never deign to. Erwin must have added this by himself. Filled by a sudden curiosity, Levi took it and removed the paper. A box, made from papier mâché showed underneath, decorated with a simple flower pattern. He removed its cover, looked in and could not help himself. A silent smile appeared on his face.

The box contained a cravat made from the finest English muslin he had ever seen. The fabric was of white colour and slightly transparent. Carefully he took it out. It weighed no more than a breeze, was incredibly soft and hardly noticeable once it touched the skin. Levi examined it devotedly then held it close to his face. It may have been freshly washed, yet there was still the slight sense of Erwin’s after shave on it. Levi let it sink, tenderly letting his fingers slid over its surface. It was a gift that had been selected with care and that touched Levi’s heart in a way that he could not describe. Silently he moved it back and forth in his hands until he finally noticed a hardening in the fabric. Right in the middle, in that part that covered the neck and was not to be seen by others, somebody had embroidered Erwin’s initials nice and neat. The physician furrowed his brows and smirked.

Somehow – he was not surprised at all.

  


~*~

  


Two hours later the carriage with which Hange had picked them up, stopped on an unprepossessing country road. Together they had left the town to take some use of the recently good weather. They were: Eren, Armin Arlert, Hange Zoe and her nieces Fiona and Sophia Middleton. During their ride, Levi had willingly chosen the seat that promised the biggest distance to the twins and placed his protégé between him and the others. Levi had not missed the fact that Eren was literally hanging on every word the girls said, who, in turn, laughed at all of his jokes, as bad as they may were. Of course Levi appreciated the fact that Eren got along with Hange’s nieces like this, but at the same time he hoped that this would not end in amorous adventures or such. His foster son and Hange’s family – he would not be able to bear this.

It was him who left the carriage first. Only single small clouds could be seen. The summer sun rested warmly on him, moderated by the salty wind of the sea that was blowing over the fields, making the blades of grass dance. Every year it surprised him once more how this bleak environment would turn into such prosperous life within only a few weeks. For a moment he let his gaze wander around then somebody heavily grabbed his shoulder. It was Hange, who was leaning on him while leaving the carriage.

“With respect, my dear”, she said cheerfully, “but you are barring my way.”

He stepped aside and let her pass. Next to him, she took a deep breath. From the corners of his eyes Levi noticed Eren, who now left the carriage as well. He had clamped a blanket under his arm while the sisters carried a huge picnic basket. Armin, on the other hand, was carrying a leather bag.

While watching them, Levi’s face darkened until Hange rammed her elbow in his side. He gave her a furious look, but she only started to laugh.

“Don’t pull such a wry face. The weather is lovely, the birds are chirping, the seagulls are singing and the sun is shining. There is no reason for you to wear such a grim expression, Levi.”

“The prospect of your cooking skills is reason enough for me. Tell me, why do you afford yourself a cook?”

“Sometimes I am just in the mood to cook by myself”, she declined, “be unconcerned, my nieces were so kind to help me out.”

“This is hardly calming me down, to be honest.”

He looked over to the twins, from whose direction he could hear indignant laughter. As he discovered the reason for their cheerfulness, his face went blank. Eren had tried a handstand, now wandering up and down in front of the girls. Even Armin was laughing despite himself.

“Eren, stop those shenanigans right away!”, he shouted, just about to step closer towards the group, when Hange grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

“Levi”, she insisted. “Don’t be so strict with him.” A warm smile appeared on her lips. “He is barely sixteen.”

In that moment Eren lost his grip, sprawling on the grass. The laughter increased. Eren, who sat giggling on the ground, looked over to his foster father. His smile froze immediately when their gazes met. Levi freed himself from Hange’s grip. With only a few steps he had reached Eren, grabbed his ear and pulled him back on his feet. The boy started to cry out in pain.

“I expect such impertinent behaviour from uncivilised stumblebums, but not from you”, he rebuked the boy, giving him a gentle slap on the back of his head. “Do you want your wound to tear open again? The scar is still fresh.”

Obviously dejected, Eren shook his head. His cheeks had started to shimmer reddish.

“No, Sir.”

“Good. Look at yourself, you’re covered with dust.”

Eren did as he was told, whereupon the girls started to giggle once more in the background. Eren had long reached an age in which such rebukes formed the highest embarrassment imaginable, but Levi ignored it in a most unaffected manner. He left his protégé behind and caught up with Hange, who was leading their way. The broad smile on her face was something he could not miss. Silently, he examined her. She wore a simple, dark blue dress. Small ribbons in the colour of crème held her hair together.

“Oh Levi”, she said finally not without loving blame in her voice.

“What?”

“If someone had assured me ten years ago that you would become such a loving father one day, I wouldn’t have believed him one word.” She burst out laughing, gently patting his shoulder. “And now look at you.”

Levi disparagingly clicked his tongue.

“Don’t make yourself ridiculous, Hange”, he muttered and folded his arms while walking. She only shook her head, causing her brown curls to swing back and forth.

“You should see how you look at him”, she said tenderly, but only gained Levi’s silence in return. He did not want to talk with her about such things, did not want to let her win. After a few moments of silence, though, his curiosity won.

“How do I look at him?”

“Like a father, Levi”, she said remarkably calm. “Whenever you talk with him your eyes have this warm-hearted, sentimental shimmer. Somebody who doesn’t know you would most certainly overlook it, but you can not fool me, Dr. Ackerman!”

She laughed once more, pulling her fist in the air, confident with victory. Levi, though, did not know what to answer. Reluctantly he looked back over his shoulder and watched Eren and Armin, who went next to each other with happy, smiling faces. He found it difficult to picture a life without the boy after all these years they had spent together. When he turned around, Hange was already staring at him in a triumphant manner. “You love the boy. Say what you want, but he changed your life for the better. You were restless, before he joined you…”

“You mean, before he forced himself a way into my life with the impertinence of a drunk infantry regiment”, Levi interrupted her defiantly. The lady giggled and snapped her fingers.

“Pretty much! In that moment where you thought that Commander Smith had shot him, you acted like a whole different person.”

The pictures of Eren’s motionless body appeared in front of his inner eye, memories of the damaged waistcoat and the blood that had not only wetted the boy but him as well. He remembered the helpless pain that had filled his chest, the fear that he had lost what equalled him a home during all these years.

“Maybe you’re right”, he mumbled and ignored her satisfied expression. She was the one who had arranged Eren to move into his house back then. “Every dog has its day, huh?”

  


They reached the coast after a short period of walking. With every step the breeze grew stronger and the air, which was filled with the girl’s laughter and the boy’s voices, became saltier. Not a single cloud covered the sky. It was a wonderful day. Levi took a deep breath and looked around. It was a pleasure to leave the town’s narrow streets even if it was only for a few hours. The bay extended in front of them, framed by the craggy, grey cliffs to every side. A slim staircase led to a stony beach, which was, due to the flood, almost fully covered with water. At one of the huge rocks, close to a grassy hill, they spread out the blanket and placed their picnic box.

“Can we have a little look around before we eat?”, Eren asked his foster father, who remained together with Hange on the rock. He nodded wordlessly and smiled in reluctance, as Eren joined the others radiant with joy. Thereupon Levi reached into the pocked of his tailcoat, taking out a slim book which he opened, without paying any further attention to Hange. It was a small, yet quite famous novel, which he had been carrying around for the past couple of weeks. He had been lacking the necessary amount of time recently, but today he wanted to take the chance and start reading. He had barely read the first sentence, when Hange’s gaze made him stop.

“What?”, he asked unimpressed. She gradually moved closer to him.

“Give me a helping hand, Levi”, she said in such a sweet manner that Levi’s stomach tightened into a knot.

“No.”

He did not even want to know what kind of plans she had that included him. Knowing that, she pulled a wry face.

“You don't think I'm going to let you spend this afternoon all by yourself hidden behind some strange novel, do you?”

She reached out in order to take the book away from him, but Levi reacted faster. Skilfully he avoided her movements. If he would only ignore her long enough she would most certainly give up at some point. Not even an insisting person like her kind would tough it out endlessly.

“Levi.”

He did not show any reaction. They were surrounded by silence. Only a solitude seagull was crying in the distance.

“Levi.”

There was the white noise of the waves roaring in his ears. If he could only concentrate on it, she would-

“Levi~”

His right eyelid began to twitch. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips together until they equaled a thin line, continued to read, even though he was not noticing at all anymore what was written there. Hange had, in the meantime, approached him so closely that he could see her face from the corners of his eyes.

“Did you know”, she began, “that King George himself travels to this area from time to time? He praises our landscapes. He said, even at the coasts close to London the weather is almost never good enough, too-”

Irritatedly he let his book sink and whirled around.

“I give nothing about the opinion of lunatic sovereigns”, he muttered. “And if he wants to be a farmer himself, why should I care?”

He turned the page, even though he had not finished reading it yet. It did not change a thing, since he could not gather one clear thought. Hange continued as if Levi was not there.

“He may be a lunatic, my dear”, she sang enthusiastically, “but I absolutely agree with him. The climate here is much more comfortable than in London. More mediterranean. Not as chilly. And the landscapes, they are nothing London can keep pace with, no. You know-”

That was enough. He heavily closed his book and put it back into his pocket.

“Fine”, he muttered annoyed. “Tell me, what shall I do?”

Rejoicingly she clapped her hands. She reached out for the leather case Armin had been carrying earlier and opened it. She grabbed something from inside and handed it to Levi. It was a small book, covered with linen. He gave it a fleeting look and opened it. It was worn out an obviously read countless times. The cover already had small scratches and holes. With raised brows he examined the title, reading it out loud.

„Species plantarum, exhibentes plantas rite cognitas, ad genera relatas, cum differentiis specificis, nominibus trivialibus, synonymis selectis, locis natalibus, secundum systema sexuale digestas. Carl Linnaeus. Well…“ He cleared his throat. “Interesting.”

Hange nodded emphatically.

“This means-”

“I know exactly what this means, Hange”, Levi interrupted her visibly annoyed. “Like Smith and Zacharias, I attended grammar school, too. And my title is, in contrary to my practice, nothing I inherited from my foster father. Just in case you haven't noticed.”

He returned the book to her and she put it back.

“Whatever”, she continued unswervingly and her eyes started to sparkle. “Linnaeus once started the marvellous project to extract, describe, name and catalogue all the existing plants of our known world.”

She looked at him as if this was a groundbreaking project, but he just stared at her with a blank face.

“Don't you understand?” The loudness of her voice increased with every word. “He tried to bring order into that big botanic chaos of nature, Levi. When there is order we can see the interferences. We can see how things are related with each other. We can determine that some plants are closer connected than others. You can transfer facts you know about one plant to another once you've found out that they are similar in their inner structure.”

She leaned forwards and grabbed his shoulder. Like nails her fingers clenched the fabric of his tailcoat.

“What progress the medicine could make if we knew only more about botany! Let's not even think about the meaning of that for the pharmacy! With good medications we could finally leave this disgusting bloodletting behind us. I think all these old methods you physicians are usually dealing with are slightly outdated anyway. We need new structures. New scientific findings. New-”

She was merged in her monologue, only hesitating here and there in order to gasp for breath. Levi, who had stopped listening long ago, silently watched her lips. Her words reminded her of the old Miss Lane and the fact that she was about to die. He was not even able to figure out what was wrong with her. Once more the previous feeling of anxiety and helplessness filled his chest.

“New medications are worthless when I cannot determine what kind of illnesses my patients suffer from”, he indignantly interrupted her speech and finally made her stop.

“Why are you saying that?”, she asked him visibly unsettled. Levi did not really know what to answer. Reluctantly he lowered his gaze.

“This morning I examined the mother of seven children.” His voice was not more but a whisper. Hange furrowed her brows.

“What was wrong with her?”

The physician shrugged.

“She was already in a horrible condition when we arrived, only a bag of bones. Apparently she was vomiting everything she tried to eat or drink and showed a remarkable hunger for salt. The strangest thing though was...” He once more tried to picture the scene. “Her skin. Her skin was spotty and discoloured. As if some parts of her had been exposed to the sun for too long.”

Now it was Hange who shrugged.

“Maybe it was just like that.”

“No.”

Levi shook his head. “No. Not only her skin was like this, but her mucosa as well. Her mouth. Everything. Those where no parts that would ever see the sun. Her condition was already worse when we arrived. Neither was she conscious nor gained it back during my examination. She will die, most certainly. Not later than tomorrow morning I will sign her death certificate.” He sighed.

“Did she have daughters?”

“Yes. The oldest one is in Eren's age.”

They remained silent in dismay. Both knew only too well what all of this would mean for such a young girl.

“People die”, Levi continued, “I know that. But what makes me angry is that I do not even know for sure what was wrong with her. I've never seen such stains before.”

From the corner of his eyes he noticed that once more she reached into the bag, taking out the book. She leaned forwards, gently poking Levi with it, a warm smile showing on her face.

“And this is why it is so important to continue the work of Linnaeus. Some day people will know what kind of disease this is. And then they will be able to treat it. And then it would be horribly silly if the botanists wouldn't have found a proper herb for her suffer.”

Silently, Levi looked at her. She was an unusual wench, so different than the other women that not just once she had been treated with unhidden contempt. And even Levi could not help himself but to admire her deep inside from time to time. The courage and bravery she showed every day. She was a visionary, someone with clear ideas and goals.

Levi snorted and took the book away from her.

“Now spit it out, you bloody four-eyes, what the heck are we going to do?”

The sparkling in her eyes increased and a victorious smile showed on her lips. Once more she reached into the leather bag, taking out two cylinders made of tin, painted in dark green. They were skilfully decorated with ornaments. On both someone had attached a leather string, so the owner could place them on his shoulder.

“We are going to collect plants! And then I will take them home with me, press them, dry them and create a herbarium.”

“Talk English to me, for heaven's sake.”

“A collection of dried and pressed plant parts for scientific use, you old curmudgeon.”

With these words she handed one of the tin cylinders to Levi. Thoughtfully he held it in his hands. Ivy and oak leaves had been painted on its surface in form of a black gravure printing. Visibly bored he opened a flap on its side and looked inside. It was empty. A sigh left his throat. The only thing he had wanted to do was to sit on his rock and read a book. Sometimes, he was just so tired.

Levi raised his head and looked over to Hange, who placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Let us not waste time”, he muttered to him in a conspiratorial tone. “Let's knuckle down!”

  


Levi was not a huge help for her. Whenever he believed to have found a plant that would not only meet Linnaeus' as well as Hange's expectations, she shook her head. It did not take long and Levi asked himself why they were combing through this meadow when everything that was blossoming here already had been documented. One single time he managed it to find a plant in full blossom they actually could have used. Unfortunately though he removed it without the roots and so it was for nothing. They did not find a second example and Hange, who had noticed the slender form and the light blue flower with excitement remained heartbroken for a few minutes.

For one hour they stomped through the hills, before the return of the others made them gather around the picnic basket. And to Levi’s own surprise its content was not as horrible as he had imagined. It appeared that Hange’s nieces were, in contrary to their aunt, in fact capable of preparing most delicious food. Everything someone could long for was there, sandwiches, cold meat, scones, marmalade and even tea.

Like usual, he did not speak much, rather listening to the conversations that surrounded him, even though it was hard for him to concentrate. While sitting next to the others, holding a cup of tea in his hands, his mind secretly stole away to the blonde commander. And suddenly, he remembered. Remembered the other’s scent, how he had almost drowned in the arms of the man who was so much taller than he was. His eyes, that would not lose their brilliance even in pitch black darkness. His nose, tenderly touching Levi’s cheek.

“We will go back down to the beach”, Eren said so suddenly that Levi almost winced in surprise. The boy was done with eating and had already placed his black leather boots next to the blanket. With enthusiasm he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Armin, who sat next to him, did the same.

“Are your snobby parents fine with the fact that you drown yourself in these roaring waves, Arlert?”, Levi asked the blonde boy that blushed and nodded with a gentle smile.

“They are not as snobby as you consider them to be, Dr. Ackerman”, he said in a friendly tone, rolling up his pants. The girls with their long dresses were doomed to remain at the beach, yet they stood up, willed to follow the boys.

“Take care my dears”, Hange warned them, earning a nod from Eren in return.

“Of course we will”, he grinned and jumped from the rock. “Armin, come with me!”

Armin followed his friend and Levi watched them, as they wandered over the stony beach towards the water. From time to time he nipped on his cup. They remained silent for a while, yet silence was not Hange’s strength.

“Mike complained that you enticed Erwin away from him”, she said, trying to let it sound casually. Levi did not miss her unhidden curiosity.

“When should this have happened?”

“On the evening of the ball”, she replied obviously surprised, “when if not then? He said he had to spend one hour searching for you, eventually finding you at the huge water fountain, far away from all the others.”

“That’s what he’s saying?”

Levi pulled a wry face and took a deep breath. Once more pictures of this night appeared in front of his inner eye. He tried to fight them with another sip of tea, yet he failed.

“While I was trying to escape your nieces I paused at the stairs that lead to the fountain. Erwin found me, engaged me into a conversation and offered me to show me the park.”

Hange frowned.

“At night?”

She bent forwards and placed a couple of scones on her plate. Levi sighed in an irritated manner.

“We had a full moon and therefore the area was well enough illuminated.”

“He seems to like you pretty much, Levi”, she smiled but then suddenly hesitated. “Even though I cannot really explain this to myself, after all what happened between you.”

She took a bite and continued speaking with a full mouth. “But when I think about this – it is not a behaviour that doesn’t suit him, either.”

Levi stared at her. He did not understand what she was talking about.

“You know”, she continued, swilling down the scones with tea. “It seems as if your hostility only fired his curiosity in your person rather than keeping you away from him.” She burst into laughter and her cheerfulness managed it to weaken Levi’s grim expression. “He is a good and honest man, Levi. Don’t treat him with such open animosity.”

Levi pressed his lips together and lowered his gaze, silently reconsidering what the lady just had said.

“He ordered a new suit for Eren, in order to replace the one that had been damaged during the duel”, he eventually replied.

Hange nodded, placing the cup back on the blanket. She appeared all enthusiastic. Suddenly, she grabbed his shoulder.

“To be honest, I am not surprised to hear that. He might appear stiff as a poker, but there are two things about him you can always rely on.”

She reached out and pointed towards the horizon, as if the things she wanted to illustrate could be seen over there. “First: He keeps his word. Second: He always settles old scores. There are not many people I can say such things about nowadays, but he definitely is a dutiful man.”

“Then he really suits the military”, Levi snorted in such a mocking manner that Hange gave him an indulgent look.

“Levi – not all of them are bad, you know? I understand your anger, but so many years have passed since then. Shouldn’t you be able to deal with what happened now?"

He refused to answer. After all she was right, he knew that, but he could not help it. Whenever he met a soldier he forgot about himself and his good manners.

“I don’t understand what brought him to Stenton Park anyway”, he muttered, his teeth clenched. “Shouldn’t he be with his regiment? Or in his barracks? Or wherever these soldiers reside usually?”

Hange’s eyes suddenly widened. Levi looked at her in slight surprise. Her lips stood open. She was obviously unsure what to reply.

“Didn’t he tell you?”, she asked breathlessly. Levi, who turned out to be more and more stunned, shook his head.

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, hesitating for a second.

“He has been exempted from duty for a few months”, she answered. “Since he has been wounded in Spain.”

Levi raised his brows. He remembered Erwin mentioning that London’s air was still a little too thick for him.

“What happened to him?”

“He was hit by a bullet. It pierced his shoulder but missed his inner organs.”

With her fingertips she pointed on a place on her left chest, right under the collarbone. “Right here. Even though he was shot he continued to lead his troops until he knew them safe. It must have been a horrible scene.”

She sighed once more before she lowered her gaze. Wordlessly she poured more tea into her cup. After she had taken another sip she proceeded.

“He had lost so much blood that he eventually collapsed on the battlefield. It was not certain for a long time if he would make it. As he had overcome the blood loss the fear of him developing gangrene remained. Mike wrote this to me in a long letter, but only after he could be sure that Erwin would survive. It was not easy for both of them, most certainly not. Since it was obvious that Erwin would not be able to fight for a while, they sent him back home for his recovery and Mike was allowed to accompany him. Nobody knows why Mike was allowed to go as well. But the fresh air out here is good for your body and for your soul and therefore I recommended them Stenton Park which was, as you know, not rented during that time.”

Levi nodded reluctantly, holding his cup clenched tightly. He could literally see Erwin lying in front of him, his shirt soaked with blood, the skin pale like wax, white as snow. He imagined how he must have struggled back to the quarters, only to collapse in front of his troops and best friend. Such weakness appeared incompatible with how Levi had pictured Erwin so far. It felt strangely wrong.

Suddenly, Levi's mouth was so dry he could barely speak and his throat felt tight.

“Hange”, he said with insistence.

“Yes?”

She raised her head and looked at him. His voice clearly stated that there was something bothering him, something of incredible importance. He needed to know.

“Did he participate in that massacre?”

On which side had he fought? Were his hands covered with the blood of the innocent? After all he had learned about him during the past few weeks he could hardly imagine this anymore.

Hange examined him, her eyes so soft as if Levi’s words had finally enabled her to understand why everything had occurred this way.

“No”, she said tenderly. “He stuck to his ideals and fought these soldiers. The bullet that hit him from behind…” She hesitated. Her hand reached for the collar of her dress. The thin lips had started to tremble as if she was about to cry. “It was the bullet of an English infantryman.”

Levi dropped his cup. Without noticing, it slid out of his hands, shattering on the rock only split seconds later. It burst into thousands of little pieces. Tea was scattered everywhere. Levi felt as if someone had pushed him from a cliff. He felt Hange’s eyes on his body, visibly insecure in light of his heavy reaction.

“Your cup”, he muttered with a blank face. He tried to gather the pieces but acted clumsy and awkward. Seconds later, Hange joined him.

“No problem”, she whispered, “are you alright?”

He nodded reluctantly. In his ears roared all these harsh words he had addressed towards Erwin on the evening of Hange’s dinner. He remembered all the hostile gestures and mocking comments that he had given him even after the duel. A sickness that could only be caused by a guilty conscience filled his chest.

Erwin had always treated him with such patience…

“How can he-” Levi paused and looked at the shards in his hands. How could Erwin treat him with such friendliness after all he had done to him?

“How can he what?”

Hange’s eyes still rested on him. Levi shook his head. Black strands of hair covered his eyes.

“Nothing”, he whispered. “It’s fine. I’m sorry for the cup.”

“Don’t you worry about that my dear”, Hange appeased him, smiling gently. “You will not believe it, but I fortunately I own more than only these two.”

The hint of a smile showed on Levi's lips, as they gathered the remaining shards together. He raised his head and looked over to Eren and the others, from whose direction loud laughter sounded over to them. Eren and Armin, both standing up to their knees in the sea, showered the girls with the salty water. Even though they ran away, giggling, they returned to them only seconds later. Everybody was full of joy.

Unobserved by the others, Levi once more examined the shards in his hand.

He smiled.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A good evening to all of you!
> 
> This is quite a calm chapter, yet I love the atmosphere. We reached a point where the characters need more space for their personal development. Like always I want to say it again: Thank you for everything! Thank you for the kudos, the comments, the fanarts, everything. You are awesome and make me happy. And it really means al ot to me.
> 
> Have you all by now read the newest chapter of SnK? I couldn't stop thinking about Levi and Erwin while translating.
> 
> There was something I would like to show you and ask you about. I redid my Patreon page. As you know, I'm still in university and writing takes a lot of time and effort - just like drawing. So if you like what you're reading and like to support me, be sure to have my everlasting gratitude.
> 
> The page can be found here: https://www.patreon.com/herrkirschbaum
> 
> The next upload wll be today in two weeks. I will meet you in Brighthampton.
> 
> Sincerely yours,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	8. The Hunt. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening ladies and gentlemen!
> 
> While real life Erwin is apparently trying to take over the controll in Turkey - or a distant cousin - srsly though, what's happening in the world?, I'm thereby uploading the next chapter as promised. 
> 
> If you have fun reading this - feel free to drop by my Patreon Account <3
> 
> I love you guys! And thanks for all the previous comments and kudos!

[ChapterOST](http://www.rainymood.com/)

 

~*~

 

Levi was right. Only one day after they collected plants together with Hange at the coast he signed the death certificate of the old Miss Lane. Not once she had gained back consciousness. And whenever Levi closed his eyes he could still see the narrow bedroom, only illuminated by one single candle, giving the hollow face of the deceased a ghostly shade. Levi had not the anxiety in Eren's eyes, who had remained in Levi's shadow during their visit. When they signed the papers, the oldest sister, Martha, was present. She remained calm on the outside, but Levi found himself shocked over the fatigue that had appeared on the girl's faze during the past day. She had grown years older over night. How would her gaze look like, Levi wondered, ten years from now, when she was consumed by marriage and childbirth? He was not sure whether he wanted to know.

When he returned to his house in the early morning hours, accompanied by his ward, he would not find any sleep at all. And Levi needed a few days to get over the fact that he had failed. He hated it to find his hands tied by destiny. A doctor should not be doomed to wait.

 

A few days later, Levi took a deep breath, letting his fingers slide through his hair. It was a fresh, clear summer morning. There was still mist wavering over the fields and meadows, yet through the thinning out clouds first rays of sunlight made their way.

In contrary to his habit he had not hesitated long before he had confirmed that he would in fact accompany the two gentlemen from London during their hunt. And so once more Levi arrived at the estate of Stenton Park, once more passed the impressive entry port, once more felt the gravel crunching underneath his feet. Behind him, Eren gasped for air. The boy was not an early bird, yet on this morning pure excitement was written all over his face in light of the approaching hunt. Their gazes met and Eren began to smile.

“Oh, Sir”, he cheerfully shouted towards Levi and folded his arms behind his head, “it feels like coming home, doesn't it?”

“By no means”, Levi replied drily, but secretly agreed with Eren. He could not deny it. For men that had entered his life only weeks ago and whose first acquaintance had brought a physical confrontation accompanied by heavy weapons, he and his ward visited them more often than Levi would have ever imagined. “But if you are alluding to the fact that this estate became familiar like no other – thanks to your stay here – I think I have to agree with you this one time.”

They entered the building over the expansive stone staircase, just like at the morning of the duel, and were led to the salon by servants. They were introduced and shortly after they stepped into the room. Mike and Erwin had just finished their breakfast, still sitting at the dining table. While Mike wore a grass green jacket and a beige waistcoat, Erwin's chest was covered by a tailcoat made from marine blue twill, furthermore a waistcoat in crème with light brown vertical stripes. It appeared that they had had a conversation before, but fell silent just in the moment Levi and Eren entered the room. Levi greeted them with a self-confident nod.

“Good morning, gentlemen.”

He looked over to his hosts, where his eyes met the commander's. For a second pictures of the ball appeared in front of Levi's inner eye and he could almost feel his hands hidden in Erwin's, the unfamiliar lips not far from his own, the hot, drunken breath on his skin. He tried to ignore it, but felt an itching spreading on his cheeks against his will.

Mike replied his nod, but remained silent. A gentle smile showed on Erwin's face. He then stood up.

“Good Morning, Dr. Ackerman”, he said. “And Mr. Jaeger.”

He greeted them as well and Eren, well-educated as he was, replied it shyly. Visibly satisfied Erwin's eyes rested on the boy, who gradually blushed under his stare. “It seems as if my small gift has been handed to you”, he continued unswervingly, referring to the new suit that Eren was dutifully wearing this morning. “Do you like it?”

A mischievous smile appeared on Eren's lips who tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Absolutely, Sir”, he answered politely. “Thank you very much. It suits me perfectly.”

“That pleases me no end.”

Erwin exchanged a look with Mike, who followed his friend and stood up now himself. He corrected the fit of his clothes and addressed himself to Levi afterwards.

“How do you consider your horsemanship?”, he asked. Obviously unimpressed, Levi raised his brows.

“They exist, if you mean that”, he replied not very friendly. “Or do you think I would accept your invitation without having ever sat on a horseback myself?”

Both Erwin and Mike began to grin in light of Levi's grumpy words, which was noticed by him not without confusion. Silently he pulled a wry face, while Erwin left the table and stepped closer towards him. Stopping in front of the doctor, Erwin gently patted Levi's back, letting his hand rest on his shoulders afterwards. He thereby applied a certain pressure that caused Levi to accompany him towards the door.

“Well”, Erwin began next to him, “considering this we should begin as soon as possible, don't you agree?”

Levi opened his mouth, but not a single word left his lips. Instead, his gaze stuck on Erwin's fingers, that pressed into his tailcoat's fabric. Together, they left the salon. Eren and Mike silently followed them in a distance of some meters. His brows furrowed, Levi looked back over his shoulder, whereas Mike started a conversation with Eren. The boy's eyes sparkled in excitement and joyful anticipation.

“What are we about to do, Sir?”, Levi noticed the voice of his foster son behind him. He talked so fast that it started to crack, yet it was Erwin, who gained control over the conversation, before Mike could give him even a proper answer.

“I think we might begin with a short tour through the stables”, he said in a good mood, still refraining from letting Levi's shoulder go. “You should see the dogs as well before we head out. You are familiar with the principles of hunting?”

“When it comes to the theory, certainly”, Levi replied instead of Eren and finally managed it to free himself from Erwin's grip. With a sigh he reached for the place where the commander's hand had been resting so far and massaged it carefully. “Although my ward and I did not have the opportunity yet to practically prove this knowledge.”

“It's basically a most trivial matter”, Mike's heavy voice sounded from behind. “The hunters divide into two groups, encircling the wild that is rushed by the dogs, in a way that makes it easy to shoot.”

Erwin, who was still walking next to Levi, nodded in agreement, always searching for the physician's eyes.

“We will form two units. Since neither Mr. Jaeger nor you can offer us practical experience, it might be the best if you pair up with one of us.”

While walking, Erwin turned around and pointed towards Levi's ward, afterwards on Levi himself. “Mr. Jaeger, you ride with Lieutenant Zacharias. Dr. Ackerman, you will come with me.”

Shortly Levi's eyes narrowed. That Erwin grouped them that way surprised him not at all. The soldier now addressed his friend, his face showing an apologising expression.

“Excuse my impertinence, Mike, but you certainly agree with me?”

An amused snort left Levi's throat. There was no way Mike could deny his friend's suggestion without appearing rude.

“Sure, Erwin, why not”, Mike answered with a blank face and a voice that was lacking of emotion. He then grabbed Eren on his shoulders, shaking him in friendship. Thereby his mere size was enough to make Eren buckle under his hands. Only with effort Eren could remain standing on his legs.

“I'm quite sure Mr. Jaeger and I will get along very well”, he murmured cheerfully, pulling the other closer to his chest. “What do you think, boy?”

“Certainly, Sir”, Eren gasped, whose round eyes rested on the giant man. Gradually, his cheeks turned red. “Sir”, he insisted, “Sir, I can't breath.”

Thereupon Mike let him go, but not without giving him a last sincere pat on the shoulder that almost caused Eren's downfall. A shy smile showed on Eren's face and was replied by Mike in such a warm manner that he could have been his uncle in this very moment. Levi sighed. He was secretly wondering where all of this would lead them to.

 

The stables were located a five minute walk away from the main building. It was warm and humid, but gradually the sun's heat joined as well. Together they walked through the extensive courtyard, close to the servants quarters, passing maids and stable boys that were doing their work in silence. When they finally entered the stables, Levi was already sweating under his coat due to the short walk and the strange weather, and loosened his cravat when he followed the gentlemen inside. He had barely entered the door when the scent of hay and horse manure struck his nose. It was chillier than outside yet the air was not less humid. Hidden behind huge wooden doors, invisibly for the visitors, the scratching and snorting of the residing animals could be heard.

Eren and Mike had already stepped into the middle of the long floor from which the horse stalls could be accessed to the left and right. From time to time Eren enthusiastically pointed at things that had caught his attention, while he was having a lively discussion with Mike, but they stood too far away from Levi to be heard by him. Erwin, who had been waiting close to the entrance door, stepped closer to Levi.

“Stenton Park has eight horses available”, he began, “two stallions, two geldings and four mares. Our tenant used to be a horse breeder and therefore we have quite a fine selection around here.”

Levi let his gaze wander around and held his breath. Through one of the doors he managed it to lay his eyes on one of the animals, saw the dark fur, which shined warm in the mate ??? light of the stables. “Though your horse for today resides in the stall at the end of the corridor.”

With these words Erwin took the lead and Levi, who was filled with curiosity, followed him. They passed Eren and Mike and even though Erwin appeared all serious, the hint of a smile showed on Mike's lips. Levi furrowed his brows, stopping next to Erwin who bend down to Levi, pointing towards the stall door at the end of the corridor. “Right over there. Feel free to convince yourself.”

They exchanged a volatile look before Levi stepped closer to the door, which offered an opening in the middle of the size of a drum cover. While he had been able to see the animals through this opening before, this stall appeared to be strangely empty. Wordlessly he turned around, giving the surrounding persons a distrustful look. Mike, who now stood next to Erwin, had his arms folded in front of his chest and watched the physician, while in Erwin's eyes a silent satisfaction began to show.

Levi sighed and stepped closer to the door. He had to stand on his tiptoes to have a look through the opening. Silently he looked around. Then, suddenly, an irritated expression showed on his face. Right in front of the door, maybe one yard of height and of black colour, there stood a Shetland pony. Obviously pleased to see a human face after such a long time, the friendly brown eyes rested on Levi, who whirled around, staring at the men with evil eyes.

“Are you serious?”, he muttered, willed to express his anger when the men burst out into roaring laughter. It was Levi's bewildered expression that caused at least Erwin after a few seconds to snap to attention, while Mike had to support himself on Eren, both body's trembling under laughter and weight. Even though Erwin did not let any amusement show on the outside, there was still a silent sparkling in his eyes.

“Please forgive us this little prank, doctor”, he said and once more pointed towards a door. “Your horse is in the stall next to this one.”

“It better will be”, Levi grumbled and turned around, almost wincing since the horse Erwin had just talked about was taking a look outside through the door's opening. It was a young horse with white fur and it was of what Levi would consider a proper size. Levi examined it silently before he grabbed it's holster, letting his fingers gently slide over the horse's forehead.

“Does this please you more, Dr. Ackerman?”, Erwin sounded from behind.

“Yes, it does.” Thoughtfully he touched the soft fur. “Tell Eren he can have the pony.”

In the background his ward gasped for air, followed by sounds of energetic protest. Turning his back to the others, Levi laughed inside. Eren on the back of this tiny pony – what a sight that would be.

 

A little later Erwin introduced them to the pack of hounds that would accompany them during their hunt. It was a small group of five English foxhounds, cheerful, greedy animals, that were lead by Mike's own dog. In the meantime the horses were saddled and as they once more entered the courtyard they were already waiting for them. It was the moment when Levi, who had never been on a hunt before, was gripped by excitement. He left it to Mike and Erwin to carry the weapons, since the offered rifles reminded him of the duel only a few weeks before.

In the middle of the yard he discovered the white horse that had been chosen for him. Next to it there stood two big geldings and an apple grey mare for Eren. Together mounted . Due to his height it took Levi some effort, but he managed it to his own relief right away.

It was Mike who gave the signal to depart. He appeared to be more familiar with the dogs than Erwin, catching their attention with a whistle here and there.

They left the estate of Stenton Park, riding cross-country shortly afterwards. Thereby they divided, as agreed-on before, into two groups. Endlessly the meadows and fields extended in front of them, the tall stems softly weighing in the wind. In between, from time to time, they passed small forests and groves, separating them from the others and limiting their sight in a way that made it sometimes impossible to predict what the others were doing.

The temperature once more had increased and soon the first sweaty strands of hair shifted into Levi's eyes. Grabbing the reins tightly with his right hand, his left again and again reached for his cravat, trying to loosen the white fabric even more. It was hard to keep a clear head in light of this weather. It was way too hot and humid.

Whenever Eren and Mike where out of sight, Erwin reached for his chest, where a French horn was hanging on a string around his neck, placed it on his lips, giving the others a signal which could be heard even in a far away distance and was soon replied by Mike. They rode this way in a comfortable gallop, barely exchanging any words. Every time Levi looked over to Erwin he appeared as if his mind was anywhere but here. His face though showed an expression of silent determination, his gaze fixed on the horizon. Slender, yet strong fingers held the leather reins. How long they remained this way the physician could not say for sure, but it felt like an eternity. He did not dare to address himself to Erwin since the aura that surrounded him was both impressing but intimidating. Levi could almost feel it, the fact that Erwin was a natural born leader, perfectly suited to give orders. And he could sense the soldier in this man, more than he had ever sensed him before. If Levi had not known he would have never guessed that this man had been severely wounded only a few months ago.

“It is remarkably humid today”, Erwin eventually broke the silence before it reached an extend that Levi could not bare any longer. “Yet this is nothing unusual since we are that close to the coast.”

Levi nodded but was not sure what to answer and therefore remained quiet. Erwin once more sent a signal to Mike. The responses of his friend slowly died away.

“Isn't it a problem if we lose the others?”, Levi said suddenly. They exchanged a short look and Erwin shook his head.

“No”, he answered. “We will meet again at a point we agreed on before. Most of the work is up to the dogs anyway.”

They passed a piece of woodlands and afterwards reached an empty field. In about one hundred yards distance, half hidden in high grass, Levi discovered Mike and Eren. They were riding ahead of them. From time to time Mike pointed in the distance and said something to Eren who followed him with the obedience of a servant. Even though Eren had barely any experience with horse riding he did quite well. Next to them, only a bunch of black dots in the fields, there was the pack of hounds.

Before Levi realised what was happening, a bright light covered everything around them, split seconds only, yet glaring enough to cause Levi narrow his eyes. He looked up in the sky just in the moment when the sound of thunder reached them. On the horizon Levi could see a wall of pitch black clouds which were approaching them fast. Milky strings that could be seen underneath marked the rain that accompanied them. Once more it flashed. A bright, branched perch on the gradually darkening sky. The wind chilled quickly .

Levi looked over to Erwin who silently watched the approaching storm front. His brows were furrowed. Worry showed in his eyes. When he once more took out the French horn and gave two short, yet lout signals, first drops of rain wetted Levi's face.

“We have to change plans”, Erwin said and had to repeat himself, since his voice was drowned out by deafening thunder. Levi glanced at the horizon. Within the shortest amount of time the temperature had dropped. He felt chilly. The horse under him acted more and more nervous with every flash that occurred. His reins clenched tightly it caused him severe problems to keep the control over his horse.

“Enlighten me before I'm completely soaked”, he muttered and wiped away the moisture from his cheeks. Erwin nodded in his direction, then reached out and pointed to a forest that could be seen half a mile away rom them. It was larger than the woodlands they had passed before, a dark green mass that fit perfectly into the surrounding fields and hills.

“We will avoid the weather and seek shelter over there, Dr. Ackerman. According to Lieutenant Zacharias there must be a wooden dugout for wanderers. It will protect us until it stops raining.”

The sky was illuminated once more and the thunder followed in a worrying short amount of time. It was so loud that Levi's horse attempted to break out. Only with effort he could keep it from running away. He exchanged a look with Erwin, who now clenched his own reins more tightly.

“We should hurry up”, he said with a voice that would not allow any opposition. “Come.”

Not waiting any longer he rammed his heels into the horse's side and galloped away. Levi followed him. They might have been fast on the backs of their scared horses yet the rain with its thick and heavy drops had soon caught up with them.

When they finally reached the woods Levi was already soaked down to his linen shirt. In thin rivulets the water flew over their faces, down their necks and into their clothes. Their hair stuck in wet strains on their foreheads.

They followed a path that led them under the treetops of old, huge oaks, then stopped their horses and got off. Here, in the forest, the rain was weaker, but every sigh of the wind caused the surrounding trees to rain down their water on them. Levi, whose boots silently smacked as they sank into the muddy ground, gave a loud groan.

“Oh fantastic”, he muttered so loud that Erwin could not overhear him. He felt cold, his clothes were soaked and heavy. Furthermore everything on him had taken the scent of wet horse. It would take him ages to get his clothes clean again. “I will hold you responsible should I catch a pneumonia here, Smith.”

Erwin snorted silently and gave Levi a short look. The soldier stood only a few meters away from him, his horse's reins in his right hand. He was not less wet than Levi.

“It may surprise you”, he answered, “but the weather is just as repugnant to me as it is to you.”

He pointed to a small path that was covered with countless muddy puddles. It was probably the footpath that belonged to the dugout. Apparently it was not used very often since it was nothing more than a narrow path that lead them to the top of a steep hill. The soldier went ahead and Levi followed him, yet not without hesitation. Pulling his horse after him he took one step after another, but the softened ground and the leaves that covered the soil caused them a slow progress.

“Don't tell me we have to walk uphill the whole way”, Levi muttered, shifting his weight to his right foot. On the rain-slicked ground it could not provide any stand and shifted away. He had no time to react. His body sagged forwards. Although he tried to find stability by clenching the reins he failed miserably. And before he knew it he was down in the mud. With his left hand he tried to support himself. Like his boots and his right knee it was now covered with sludge. Levi grew pale around his nose and with a blank face he scrambled back on his feet. His face looked grim and his lips only formed a thin line. Silently he looked down on himself. His hand, his pants, his boots shimmered in dark brown. Visibly nauseated he pulled a face.

“Disgusting”, he muttered filled with abhorrence. Erwin watched him carefully.

“I'm very sorry that I'm not able to please your love of cleanliness today, Dr. Ackerman”, he said. A gentle smile covered his lips while he rubbed salt into the doctor's wounds.

“You're not”, Levi hissed, willingly overseeing in his anger the fact that Erwin was mocking him. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”, Erwin asked friendly.

“The ridiculous attempt to show a sense of humour. Don't trouble me with that.”

The smile on Erwin's face increased. Even though Levi had fallen down Erwin had not stopped and was now walking ahead of him. Levi grabbed his horse's reins, quickly catching up with the other. Together they fought their way uphill and after a couple of minutes the path finally evened out. Levi, who was still visibly annoyed by this situation, continued talking.

“Just like this outrageous prank earlier today.” He angrily glared at Erwin. “Just so you know, that wasn't funny at all.”

Remembering it alone caused Erwin to laugh to the fullest.

“That is out of question, Dr. Ackerman, it was funny.”

“How would you react”, Levi snapped, “if I told you that your eyebrows looked as if someone had glued two caterpillars onto your face?”

To Levi's surprise Erwin burst out laughing, finally stopping so long until Levi had caught up with him. Erwin's characteristic voice filled the air and when Levi stopped next to him he had to wipe away some tears of laughter.

“Caterpillars”, he whispered breathlessly and gave Levi a satisfied look that was returned by a perplex doctor. He did not understand that soldier at all. Levi had intended to insult him, but now he stood next to him, laughing over his words. It progressively irritated him.

“What are you waiting for?”, Erwin interrupted Levi's thoughts and walked ahead. The amusement in his eyes though remained. “Let's go. I don't want you to catch a pneumonia.”

Levi sighed. This was a horrible day. It was raining, it was cold and the thunderstorm worried him. What if the lightening struck one of the trees next to them? Or next to Eren and Mike.

He wanted to go home and sit in front of his chimney with a good book. In silence.

“A cup of tea would be nice, too.”

He had not finished his sentence as the sky lit up over them. It was a bright, searing light that covered, split up in several branches, the whole sky. Immediately after, the thunder rumbled so heavily that the ground started shaking under their feet. They were right under the thunderstorm. Stiff of fear both men stopped and held their breaths when suddenly a jerk struck Levi's right hand, the hand that had been holding the reins. His horse had lost its temper. With eyes wide of terror it was standing on his hind legs, freeing itself from Levi's control. He reached out to grab the bridles again but missed them. Before he knew what was happening the horse had disappeared between the trees. Numbly Levi stared after it.

Swearing like a trooper, he turned towards Erwin. His horse was still dancing around nervously, but he somehow had managed it to keep it there.

“God damn it”, Levi muttered, running his hand through his hair. “You know, I was just thinking that this day could by no means become any worse.”

“That's not good”, Erwin sighed. He tried to calm down his horse, gently patting its neck. “We will have to look for it.”

They remained silent for a while and Levi observed the soldier who, even though Levi considered them in an awful situation, showed a remarkable calmness.

“Excuse me”, Levi said eventually, stepping closer to the blonde. “I shouldn't have gone of the bridles.”

“I cannot reproach you for that”, he said. “These animals are made for escape after all. I have almost let go of it as well.”

It was the last thing that Erwin would say for the next minutes. Probably thinking about what to do, he stared into space. Levi folded his arms in front of his chest, letting his gaze wander around. If he had not known that it was mere noon he would have thought dusk was approaching. With every minute they remained there it turned darker and darker.

“We should head to the cabin first”, Erwin broke the silence. By now his clothes stuck to his body, fully soaked with water. His cheeks shimmered wet. “Fortunately it is located in the same direction as your horse ran. We might find it on our way there. If not we will wait until the rain stops before we start our search.”

Levi nodded. It was the best thing they could do under these circumstances. Together they walked, accompanied by thunder and lightning, that again and again startled Erwin's horse. They barely talked to each other and this one time Levi wanted to remain mute when there was nothing nice left to say. There was no use in arguing, since they were sitting in the same boat.

After a while of silent wandering they suddenly reached a slope. Like a cliff the ground suddenly fell off in front of them, and the height difference was not less than ten yards. Following the course of the cliff with his eyes, Levi discovered the dugout that was located at the top of a grassy hill. It would form the perfect shelter until the weather cleared up.

Curious, Levi stepped closer towards the cliff, while Erwin lashed his horse at one of the surrounding oaks. At the bottom of the cliff he could see debris and boulders, relicts of prior rock falls. They were covered with moss, framing a glade that appeared behind them. It was a beautiful place, perfect for a rest under different circumstances.

“You shouldn't go too close to that cliff”, Erwin's voice sounded behind him. “Due to the weather and the sludge you most likely will slip if you don't take care.”

Levi took a deep breath, clenching his hands into fists. He was not an idiot. Of course he knew about that.

“Did they teach you such things in the military?”, he asked in a mocking tone and ignored Erwin's gaze, that was now lacking of amusement.

“No”, he said, “this is what I call common sense, Dr. Ackerman.” He sounded irritated. “What is it with you and your everlasting dislike of the military?”

“I don't understand what you're talking about.”

A sigh left the soldier's throat who stepped closer to Levi, stopping next to a beech tree. Thoughtfully he placed one hand on the moist trunk.

“You show your aversion against the military in such an open manner that nobody can miss it even if someone's willed to ignore your omnipresent honesty.”

Levi snorted. He raised his head and looked over to Erwin.

“Even if this could be considered true – everyone has things he dislikes. You probably too.”

The solider shrugged.

“Judging a book by its cover is nothing I would usually do”, he answered remarkably casual and raised his brows. Levi's eyes narrowed.

“Well”, he snapped, “your behaviour only encourages me to strengthen my opinion about you, anyway.”

“What has my behaviour to do with that?”, Erwin answered and surprise showed in his eyes. Levi, now standing with his back to the cliff, folded his arms.

“Your sneakiness when it comes to the massacre of Badajoz, only to mention one example.”

Erwin turned pale. As if struck by lightening he stared at Levi. He did not answer and therefore Levi continued his speech. “I asked you whether you participated in that massacre. On the evening of the ball as well as on the evening of Miss Zoe's dinner you gave me no proper answer – why soever. What can I assume if not your participation on that atrocities in the name of the crown?” Levi did not hide his disregard. “Since my taxes pay your salary I deserve information. So don't you dare to tell me what to think of others – I, for my share, can claim that I have a clean slate.”

With these words he let his arms sink, looking once more to the glade. And so he did not see how Erwin's expression changed. For a moment the soldier lowered his gaze, then, suddenly, he stepped closer to Levi and heavily grabbed his wrist.

“Do you really have such a bad opinion of me?”, he began and Levi was surprised as he noticed the emphasis with which Erwin was talking to him. “Do you consider me to be such a savage that I enter stranger's homes and slaughter those who live there? Do you really think Miss Zoe would associate with such people?”

“It was you who agreed to soil your hands in blood for the crown of England. What else if not a murderer does that make you?”

Their eyes met. Nobody of them was willed to give up. The other's fingers grabbed him so hard that it started to hurt.

“What happened to you that you're filled with such bitterness, Dr. Ackerman?”, Erwin spit at him. “I fight for the freedom of our country! Without our engagement it would only be a matter of time until French troops would reside in Brighthampton.”

Levi burst out into a short and cold laughter.

“Do you really believe yourself? Freedom? Hearing that from somebody that keeps following me in such an impertinent manner is quite a funny thing, isn't it?”

Erwin's eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean?”

“The walk at the ball. The fact that we are only standing here since you decided to pair Eren with Lieutenant Zacharias. The fact that you chose a route that would make it impossible to return in case of a storm. Do you think you can fool me, Smith? Those were no accidents, that was planned, wasn't it?”

The soldier's grip loosened but did not let him go so far. His eyes spoke volumes. Levi, whose heart had started to beat faster due to his passionate speech, realised, that he had been right with every word.

“Would that be so bad?”, Erwin began and the anger that had inhered his voice suddenly faded. “Is there something wrong with the fact that it fills me with joy to be in your company, even though you cannot understand or even return this?”

Silently Levi watched Erwin's hand which's fingers clenched around his wrist. Then, he lowered his gaze. That Erwin had led them into such an awful situation only to stick to this ridiculous promise he had given him back in the library – Levi could not understand why Erwin was focussing so much on his self-esteem. He had endangered them on purpose. Who knew if Eren and Mike were doing fine?

“I don't care about your vanities. Does it make you so happy to hold yourself up to ridicule? You are a fool if you think you can convince me this way.”

“So you think I'm a fool?” Erwin's voice was nothing but a whisper. His eyes had lost any hardship, wandering searchingly over Levi's face. He could not stand his stare and looked at the ground.

“Yes, you are”, Levi spoke under breath. “And the most foolish I've ever met. You waste your time with me.”

He took a deep breath and raised his head. His face was blank, his eyes without any emotion. Coldly they rested on Erwin, yet his heart was beating so fast that he could hardly breath. “Tell me one thing, Commander Smith – what happened to you that you became unable to deal with rejection? You fight at the front but you are not enough of a man to bear the contempt of a single doctor? Instead you try to force me to change my opinion about you, according to your wishes.”

If it would not have been so absurd, Levi had considered it a bad joke. He opened his mouth to proceed but one look in Erwin's face made him fell silent. It was the way Erwin's gaze was resting at him and it made Levi shiver. The soldier was assessing him. Then, instead of finally letting him go, Erwin pulled him close. A heat, burning like fire filled Levi's chest. He held his breath.

“It was you”, Erwin whispered and Levi's eyes widened.

“Pardon?”

Erwin strengthened his grip. Thereby his fingertips slid under the seam of Levi's tailcoat, feeling strangely hot on his cold skin. The doctor shivered to his spine.

“You happened to me.”

“I don't understand.”

“Dr. Ackerman”, Erwin began with an emphasis Levi had last noticed on him back in the library. Unable to say something he stared at the blonde who was searching for Levi's eyes with every word he was saying. “I'm unable to forget you since we met for the first time. Every second that I am allowed to remain in your company is something I consider dear and precious. And even though you acted reluctant in the beginning, since the night of the ball I dared to hope you could feel the same.”

Levi turned pale. He did not understand what Erwin was trying to do here yet it felt completely wrong. Instinctively, Levi leaned back. That was not how men were supposed to talk to each other. That was how a man was supposed to talk to a lady – on the day of his marriage proposal.

“For heaven's sake what are you talking about ?”, Levi gasped and tried to free himself from Erwin's grip. “Let go.”

“I know it's wrong. Believe me, I did everything in my power to find distraction, but it was of no use.”

Carefully Erwin reached for Levi's hand, placing it on his chest. Even through the wet fabric Levi could feel the commander's beating heart. Levi's breath started to tremble. A bitter smile appeared on Erwin's lips. “Don't you see what your mere presence is doing to me?”

“You're making fun of me”, Levi said tonelessly.

“I assure you I have never been more sincere than in this very moment.”

Suddenly fear mixed into Levi's revolting emotions. What if somebody saw them like this? It was too obvious to find a proper excuse. After what happened at the ball, Mike had most certainly already became suspicious. Levi was living alone, he was not married, there was only Eren staying with him. Not to mention what it would mean once the people of Brighthampton started talking. Not only for him but for Eren as well.

“Let me go”, he insisted.

“Levi.”

“Stop it.”

Levi broke away from him. This time it worked. Erwin, a shattering defeat written all over his face, let him go. Levi stepped back – and stepped into the abyss. He gasped for air. The cliff. Distracted by their argument he had totally forgotten about that. He reached out but it did not change a thing. Like a stone he fell back, knowing what the boulders would do to his body once he had hit the ground. He opened his mouth but not a single word left his lips. And suddenly he felt like somebody had stopped the time. His eyes stared into the sky, missing not one single detail. He saw leaves, gently waving in the rain. The grey clouds above them. Raindrops, only of the size of a pinhead. The dirt on his hand that was desperately grabbing the air. And Erwin, who was coming after him.

Suddenly a burning pain struck his right arm. A grinding noise captured his limbs, followed by a bursting cracking. All-embracing darkness was all that followed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Erwin, what the heck is happening here? There you go, trying at least once to confess your feelings to someone and this special person is jumping off the cliff immediately. I would... overthink my behaviour, to be honest.
> 
> If you made it up to here that's basically a good sign for me. I'm trying to increase the pace, so the next chapter will be uploaded on next friday (July 22nd), at the same time as I'm going to upload chapter 18 in German. 
> 
> Well, I have nothing left to say. So... See you next week!


	9. The Hunt. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've been interrupted by a cliffhanger last week! Therefore, I'm cutting it short today. Have fun!
> 
> Thanks for my Patreons Simmi and M.H. for making this possible!
> 
> You are always welcome to visit me at https://www.patreon.com/herrkirschbaum! :3
> 
> But now... back to the forest of Brighthampton...~

 

_____________

 

When Levi opened his eyes for the next time, they kept wandering around, aimlessly, equalling a mechanically run doll, brought back to life only by a nameless, mysterious power. Schemes and lights passed and blared him, without colour, without a fix form. Again and again he blinked until the silhouettes gained sharpness. He did not know where he was, could not remember what brought him here. His body felt incredibly heavy, his forehead as if somebody had filled it with cotton wool. The light that surrounded him grew brighter the more his consciousness returned, finally exceeding a certain level that sent a piercing pain through his head, causing tears to well into the doctor's eyes, so suddenly that he had to bite his inner lip in order not to cry out loud.

Tormented he turned onto his side and remained like this until he had calmed down, his gaze staring motionlessly into space. Pictures passed across his inner eye, bringing back memories of the past hours like pieces of a puzzle. His arrival at Stenton Park. The tour through the stables. The hunt. The thunderstorm. Their escape to the woods and the argument at the cliff. His anger towards Erwin. Looking back his anger appeared slightly exaggerated to him – just like on the evening of the dinner he had crossed a line. It may happened due to the bad weather, the adverse conditions, Erwin's behaviour towards him – yet it did not change the fact that Levi had lost his temper. In that moment when his foot had stepped into emptiness his heart had stopped beating for a second. It was nothing but luck that he was not lying between boulders and leaves, in a pool of his own blood. Just in the moment where he had considered himself lost, something had grabbed him roughly around his wrist and stopped his fall. Somebody had held him. What happened afterwards Levi could not say for sure.

Still dizzy, Levi looked around. He found himself lying on a bench that was located in a small, wooden shed. It must have been the dugout for wanderers that Erwin had mentioned before. Levi was alone.

Through a head-high passage rays of the golden afternoon sun fell in the middle of the tiny room. The rain had stopped, yet the air was still thick and humid. The chirping of birds that had remained silent during the thunderstorm filled the air around him, just like the silent murmur of leaves in the wind.

His clothes were still sticking wet on his body which made him shiver. He turned around on his back and noticed something heavy lying on his chest. In a most erratic manner he groped for it and found himself quite surprised when he realised that he was covered by Erwin's dark blue tailcoat.

 

_I assure you I have never been more serious than in this very moment._

 

Like echoes the words kept humming in Levi's head who widened his eyes in surprise about this new memory. It had not been a dream, nor imagination. Due to the intensity of their argument this man had confessed to him what Levi had never considered possible. That he was attracted to this doctor, in a way that was only appropriate for a woman. That he had been unable to forget him since they had met for the first time. All the small gestures Levi had not attached any value to appeared to him in a different light now. The cravat that Erwin had sent to him and the scent that it still inhered – only thinking about it made Levi's heart beat faster. He thought of his need to keep a certain distance between himself and the soldier and the fact that Levi had somehow forgotten about this during their dance. If he was honest he could not deny that Erwin's nearness had not bothered him rather than – he held his breath while thinking this - pleased him.

Levi closed his eyes only to remember the expression on Erwin's face in the moment of his confession. The silent honesty that had intimidated him. The sound of his voice when Erwin was calling him by his christian name.

_Levi_.

Silently he formed the word with his lips, trying to memorize every nuance of it. Erwin's mere sincerity had overstrained him in this very moment, yet he could not help himself but to notice that this memory filled his heart with joy. He sighed.

“Damn.”

Only with effort he managed it to sit up. His back resting against the wall his fingers ran through his hair, causing him to wince since the pain was omnipresent. It was a crash his body would memorize for a longer time, that was for certain. Now, where he was sitting straight, the stabbing pain in his forehead increased, but lying back down was no option for him. Next to him, on a bench that bordered his in a right-angled way, he discovered the bloody remains of a formerly white cravat. Reflexive, Levi reached for his own, only to find it slightly loosened around his neck. He raised his brows, clenching his teeth before he finally looked over to the entrance passage of the cabin. Suddenly his stomach tightened into a knot. What if Erwin had hurt himself in order to save him? What if he was severely injured and needed help?

A cracking occurred in the underbrush, followed by the sound of steps, which, through moist leaves and branches, found their way to the shelter. Seconds later nobody else but Erwin entered the room. The widely cut arms of his linen shirt gently dodged around his arms, letting his broad shoulders appear slimmer than they really were. Still wet, the translucent fabric stuck against the man's body. The missing cravat revealed a slim, muscular neck. His hair, which was usually combed back neat and clean, had lost its form during their adventure, hanging stringy into his eyes. Over all, he appeared to be in best of health. Relieved, Levi sighed. Hearing this, Erwin raised his head. Their eyes met.

“You are awake”, he blonde greeted him not without honest relief filling his voice. “How do you feel?”

“As if I went to the dogs. And you?”, Levi answered tired and blinked, as the stabbing pain in his head increased due to his words.

“I am doing well. Can you remember what happened?”

“More or less.”

With mixed feelings Levi examined the bloody piece of fabric next to him. If his behaviour had caused Erwin any harm he would have not longer been able to face himself. An argument was one thing – an injury resulting from that was a whole different story. With a sigh Levi closed his eyes, letting his fingertips slide over his forehead until they touched fresh scab. Immediately Levi stopped and a tortured gasp left his throat.

A cut? Therefore the fabric was soaked with blood. Silently he watched his fingers which shimmered reddish in the dim light of the afternoon sun, once more noticing the pulsing pain in his left wrist. Heavy-handedly he rolled up the sleeve of his tailcoat, gasping for air when he found a dark red mark in the shape of a hand covering his skin.

“You lost your footing and almost fell down the cliff”, Erwin began to describe what had occurred before in a calm manner. He stepped closer to the physician. “I could catch you but that you hit your head against the rocks was something I could not prevent.”

Thoughtfully Levi eyed the mark. What a stupid idea it had been to turn his back towards the cliff. If Erwin had not saved him he would not be here now. Levi looked over to the other who took a seat on the neighbouring bench, reaching for the bloodstained cravat. He examined it for a moment then put it away.

“How long have I been unconscious?”, Levi asked.

With a skilful gesture Erwin took out his golden watch, opening its sight with a button. His face looked severe but Levi could not sense any anger.

“Approximately ten minutes. You have not been unconscious for long.”

“Where are the others?”

“They have not arrived yet.”

Erwin tucked some strains of hair behind his ear, carefully eyeing Levi from the corners of his eyes while speaking. “I assume they might have found shelter somewhere else. Since the storm has stopped they will get here before too long.”

Levi nodded but did not answer. They remained silent and nobody of them was forcing the other into a conversation. From time to time Levi sneaked a curious peak of Erwin who was sitting next to him, dressed in waistcoat and shirt, then looked over to Erwin's tailcoat that was still resting on Levi's lap. He went back and forth like this for a couple of times, and with every time the uncomfortable feeling that filled his chest intensified. He did not miss the goosebumps on Erwin's forearms who did not show what was going through his mind even though he was visibly cold. If his jacket would be of any help he was not sure since like anything else it was still heavy and wet. It was a horrible day. But still, it did not seem righteous to Levi if Erwin had to suffer because of him.

“You should take back your coat”, Levi said eventually when he had reached a point on which he could not bear the tension any longer. He kept tugging the dark blue fabric. “I don't want to be responsible if catch yourself a pneumonia.”

To his surprise a short, merry laughter sounded next to him. The doctor raised his brows. He looked over to his counterpart who, smiling gently, examined him.

“You do realise”, he illustrated his reaction since the lack of understanding was written all over Levi's face, “that those are the kindest words you've been addressing to me for the whole day?”

Uncertain what to reply Levi hesitated, staring at the coat before he buried his fingers in it.

“Do you take it or not?”, he asked in an irritated manner. He raised his head and their eyes met.

“I will take it back”, Erwin answered and Levi felt relief. “But only under the condition that you finally explain me why you own such a strong aversion against the military.”

One look in Erwin's face was enough and Levi knew that he would insist until Levi told him what he longed to hear. But even though he could understand Erwin's desire to know, everything in him was resisting to formulate what formed the reason for his way of acting. The thought alone was enough for him to dry his mouth. His hands felt cold.

“It would only bore you to death”, he dodged Erwin's question, rubbing the aching wrist with his hand. The pain in his head was still intolerable.

“Leave this decision to me.”

Levi did not answer. With a grim face he stared straight ahead, his lips forming nothing but a thin line. It took him quite a while until he finally gave in and even longer until he granted Erwin his wish.

“It's been more than twenty years, I suppose”, he began and his face took an unmoved, mask-like expression. Only a soft melancholy that inhered his eyes indicated the pictures he could see in his mind. He spoke with a low, toneless voice. “It happened a couple of months after my mother had passed away. I saw myself confronted with my first winter on London's streets, not knowing anything about how to survive out there. The temperatures had just fallen so far that the first snow of the year could be expected every day. I was either starving or cold.”

“You must have been barely ten years old.”

“Yes. I resided in an empty shed close to the docks, spending most of the time on my own. A regiment happened to waste their pay not far away from my place at a local pub. By this time I already knew that it was easy to steal from drunkards and so our paths crossed. Unfortunately I was still lacking of skill and therefore I caught their attention.”

From the corners of his eyes Levi looked over to Erwin, but the other remained silent. With the way he was staring into space it was hard to tell what this man was thinking in this very moment, yet with every word that left Levi's lips his face darkened.

“I passed them on a bridge. They must have been over five people in number, yet they were drunk like a bunch of Russians. All of them wore the same red uniform you used to wear when we met for the first time. In the milling crowd they cut me out and took me away. If you're a guttersnipe, nobody will come and help you.”

Levi interrupted himself, visibly searching for the right words. Even though the incident had happened more than twenty years ago, the pictures had not lost any of their liveliness. Everything that he had witnessed back then with the eyes of a child had burned itself into his memories and would never fade as long as he lived. With shaky hands he reached for his cravat and loosened it. To keep his countenance required all his self-control, yet he could not refrain his breath from shaking.

“What have these soldiers done to you?”, Erwin asked softly. Levi opened his mouth yet for a few seconds not a single word left his lips.

“All sorts of things.”

His voice was only a mere whisper. Erwin's gaze rested on him, but Levi was not able to reply it. “After they were done with their work they left me for dead under the bridge and disappeared.”

He carefully rolled up the sleeves of his tailcoat, exposing two pale scars that crossed both of his wrists. They could only be seen if someone looked very closely. The last evidence of the cord with which they had lashed his arms on his back in this horrible night.

“But you didn't die”, Erwin whispered and Levi, who was silently examining his wrists, nodded.

“I wanted to live. There are people that would break after such an experience – and then there are people who realise that there's something worth fighting for.”

He raised his head and looked at Erwin.

“To which group do you count yourself to?”

“You should know me well enough by now, Smith”, he said and dismissively clicked his tongue. “To the second one of course. Since you are familiar with my background you will forgive me from now on if personal meetings with soldiers of any kind will not make me shout of joy. It may be irrational – but I'm only a human being after all.”

In a reserved manner, Levi looked over to Erwin, who still sat next to him, his face all blank. The strong hands that had been resting in his lap, were clenched to fists. His gaze appeared grim and anger about what had once occurred to Levi was sparkling in his eyes. But there was more than that. His brows furrowed, he stared straight ahead, the eyes narrowed, as if he was thinking about something. Eventually his fingers ran through his hair, followed by a heavy sigh.

“It is hard for me to imagine that these things happened in the same city in which I lived through such a protected childhood”, he said and bitterness filled his voice. “I wish life would have offered you a different path.”

“No.” Levi shook his head. “Every little detail in the end led to the fact that we're sitting here right now, able to have this conversation, Smith. As you can see it could be much worse.”

“You know-” Erwin folded his arms in front of his chest and carefully watched Levi from the corners of his eyes, who quietly replied his look. “There are times in which groups develop dynamics which's results can hardly be predicted. This applies to what happened to you back then but can be transferred to the massacre in Spain as well.” He hesitated for a second. “I cannot say what caused my men to enter theses houses and kill off those families. But if I look back at it now, I realise that all of this was foreseeable.”

He took a deep breath and stopped talking. Like Levi earlier, he as well seemed to dislike talking about this topic. Levi raised his brows, staring at Erwin like enchanted. Hange had told him what had happened in Spain, but to hear this from Erwin himself, was completely different. Motionless and with a beating heart, Levi greedily absorbed every of Erwin's words. “Their faces, Dr. Ackerman. Their eyes. The longer we were stuck there in Badajoz, the more it inhered their gazes.”  
“What?”, Levi asked impatiently. “What inhered their gazes?”

“Insanity.”

The commander's voice had lost its strength, nothing but a whisper. “Those who must fight for their lives day by day, who do not know if they will lose it before too long – for those is stagnation, like we had to endure it during our siege, the worst thing that could happen. The men rack their brains about the smallest things but cannot find a solution that suits their needs. Their thoughts keep moving in circles. And like a clamp that is tied up the pressure increases. We suffered great losses and not only I had to watch my friends and comrades being slaughtered in front of my eyes. With the victory over the Spanish the tension discharged and broke out of them. They entered the inhabitant's houses and killed them all, even children. They raped the women. These were my men who did this.”

The commander clenched his teeth, causing his muscles to push through the tight skin on neck and throat. His eyes were filled with guilt and self doubt which formed the price of his failure.

Suddenly an overwhelming pain filled Levi's chest who could not find any words for what Erwin had just pictured him. He, therefore, continued his speech. “I hesitated too long, because I was scared to give the wrong orders. This fact led to me losing the control over my division.” Silently, he looked at his hands. “They just slipped me and I found myself unable to hold them. Together with Lieutenant Zacharias we tried to restore order yet it took us three days until even the last man was brought back to his senses. I lived to see the end of this from the sick bay, though.” Erwin sighed, gently touching the same point under his collar bone that Hange had shown Levi earlier. “The bullet of an infantryman pierced my chest and put me out of action. A wounded soldier is of no use for his troops and therefore they sent me back home for recovery.”

“That's why you came to Stenton Park.”

“Yes.” Erwin nodded slightly. “The military treated me with invaluable generosity. They offered Lieutenant Zacharias and me the whole summer to rest from the events.”

“Has he been wounded, too?”

“Yes. He was only lightly injured, though.”

Silently Levi eyed his counterpart, who, even though it had almost cost him his life, kept secret about the fact that it was the bullet of an Englishman that had hit him. Was it the embarrassment over his own faults or the discretion of a true patriot? Levi could not say for certain. Too much he found himself fascinated by the tender vulnerability that surrounded the blonde in this moment. And the longer Levi looked at him, the more the need to do something to comfort this man arose in him. Following an inner impulse, he suddenly leaned forwards and gently touched Erwin's forearm. He looked down at the doctor and their eyes met.

“Does the wound still cause you any problems?”, Levi asked breathlessly.

“Hardly. It healed quite well”. A tired smile appeared on Erwin's face. “Otherwise you would be the first one I would consult, since you are so familiar with gunshot wounds by now.”  
Levi replied the smile and leaned back against the wooden wall.

“I should jolly well hope so”, he remarked drily. “Anything else would be an irrevocably violation of my honour. Do you want to risk a second duel?”

“Most certainly not.”

For a moment they eyed each other with friendly mockery, then fell silent. Nervously Levi's fingers patted the dark fabric of Erwin's tailcoat, while he himself acted more and more restless. Suddenly he took the clothing away and heavily handed it to Erwin.

“I told you what you were longing to hear so for heaven's sake take back your coat.”

Erwin obeyed his order, but once Levi had given the coat out of his hands, he considered it a choice with many regrets. His body which had gotten used to this additional source of heat began to shiver right away. Proud as Levi was, he only folded his arms in front of his chest and bit his inner lip. He remained like this until Erwin gently draped one half of the tailcoat over his legs, while the other half remained on him. It was a gesture of silent devotion that Levi would not miss. Without saying a word his fingers grabbed the fabric, while he finally calmed down. All tension fell off from him, making him appear even smaller than he really was. He leaned back until his shoulder touched Erwin's, yet nobody moved away from the other. They remained like this until Levi, overwhelmed by the pain and the hardships of the day, let his head sack against the soldier's shoulder. Staring straight ahead, they silently sat next to each other. Levi could feel Erwin's heartbeat through the thin fabric, which, caused by Levi's unexpected closeness, increased slightly.

“Did you regret the fact that you hesitated for too long?”, he asked eventually and closed his eyes.

“No.” Erwin gently shook his head, as if he believed Levi would avoid him again once he moved in a more significant manner. “I made my decision since I considered it to be the best. It can only be assumed which consequences result from your own decisions. There is no certainty. Only the hope to have done the right thing for once.”

Levi gave a more unfavourable snort.

“You are an incurable gambler, Smith.”

“Maybe.”

A strange calmness filled Levi, something that he considered almost unknown to himself. Even though he had worked his way to the top of Brighthampton, as a parvenu he would always be different. Until the present day the middle class accepted him as one of them only with reservation. Like a stigma his origin stuck to him and could not be washed away, no matter how hard he had tried. The fear that he would have to dine with the servants again one day had never left him. And this fear formed the reason for the fact that he preferred solitude, since he was rather alone than with people that only tolerated him. The number of those who he had allowed to gain a look behind his masque of arrogance and coldness was small. But Erwin somehow had managed it to tear down the walls he had built around himself for the past ten years within only a few weeks. Never before someone had shown such an unhidden curiosity, not leaving even though Levi had violently tried to push him away.

The nearness of the other warmed his body and heart, filling his chest with a certain itching that accelerated his pulse and thoughts.

Levi raised his head and carefully looked at Erwin's exposed throat.

“Your cravat is ruined”, he stated not without regret. Erwin replied his look with the hint of a smile.

“Thinking about the fact that your fall could have ended different I consider this something we can neglect for good.”

With a satisfied expression Erwin's eyes wandered over Levi's face. They sucked up every millimetre, as one did with things he did not want to forget for anything. Eventually the soldier raised his hand, carefully tucking a strand of Levi's hair behind his ears. Thereby his fingertips gently slid over Levi's skin, caressing his cheek, where a warm tingling was everything that remained. His eyes were filled with desire.

“You are, by no means, the most honest person I've ever met so far, Dr. Ackerman. You don't mince your words and you don't care what society thinks of you.”

“They don't avoid me for no reason, Smith”, Levi answered bitterly.

“Still”, Erwin went on, “I don't consider this a flaw. Quite the contrary.” A slight smile showed on his lips. “I feel as if I was longing to meet a person of your kind for a very long time, doctor.”

Levi's heartbeat accelerated. Not able to stir he replied the other's look. The insults of his early years and the rejection of the later had made him the person he was today. He was not without fault, he knew that. He had enough rough edges to scare those who did not know about his origin away forever.

“I've been scarred by life”, Levi whispered as if he could thereby negate Erwin's words. Silently he huddled against the soldier's hand, that was still resting against his cheek. Erwin's smile increased.

“We all are. Every wound that life caused us now forms a part of our personality. We're unique and precious, Dr. Ackerman.”

Slowly Erwin's hand slid down his cheek, along his throat until it eventually rested on his neck. In contrary to those who had always judged him for his origin, Erwin seemed to especially appreciate all of this. What others considered a flaw of his personality Erwin used to compliment. Levi's authenticity, his blunt, honest way of acting. And whenever these blue eyes rested on him, Levi felt as if Erwin was staring directly into his soul.

Without saying a word Levi eyed the other, his angular, strong facial features and the smooth skin, on which first tiny folds began to show. He examined the soft gaze that showed on the other's face and of which Erwin was most likely not aware himself. This silent determination that made clear he would do anything to get what he wanted. There was nothing Levi had dared to change on him in this very moment. And before he realised what he was doing, he had reached out and buried his finger's in the soldier's collar. Gently, he pulled him closer, only hesitating when the top of his nose touched the other's cheek. Reluctantly Erwin's breath brushed his skin and their eyes met one last time before Levi leaned forward and sealed their lips with a kiss.

Thereby his fingers clenched the soft fabric of Erwin's shirt, who strengthened his grip and pulled Levi even closer. The fear that had filled Levi back at the cliff, all these doubts – they had disappeared. The only thing that remained was the urgent desire to touch him, feel him, if not his body, then his soul, how unreasonable that may be. It was a slow, intimate kiss, and when they finally stopped they kept looking at each other for a while, before Levi breathed one last, tender kiss against Erwin's lips.

Levi felt slightly dizzy, but somehow he was certain that this was not caused by his fall earlier. Something was rushing through his veins that made his breath tremble and left him drunk. Erwin, who was still sitting next to him, now fully turned towards Levi. He held Levi's face with his hands, kissing him once more, but now he did not hold back any longer. Demandingly the tip of his tongue slid over Levi's lips, who willingly opened them and wrapped his arms around the other's neck. The same scent that was sticking on Erwin's cravat now filled Levi's nose, raising a soft yet satisfied moan. The longer he felt him like that, the longer they remained this way, the more Levi felt the desire to hide in his arms, merge with him, never ever letting him go again. His fingers slid over the broad chest, until they finally reached his shoulders. Both of their breaths went fast and heavily.

They stopped kissing but their faces remained close. The commander's thumbs tenderly slid over Levi's cheeks and his eyes showed a smile that Levi replied reluctantly. Sitting there like this there was nothing but mutual understanding between them, something that Levi considered remarkably strange yet somehow familiar as well. He secretly wished that this state would last only a little longer, but his wish would not be granted.

A sudden crack filled the undergrowth, followed by steps that hastily cleaved a way through the moist leaves. They approached the cabin. Erwin's expression changed.

“Not again”, he muttered and let Levi go, who already knew what was about to happen. Split seconds later, a third voice filled the air.

“Excuse our late arrival, Erwin, this storm would not allow us to get through to you.”

It was Mike who entered the cabin first, followed by Eren, whose hair stuck out in a most dishevelled manner. He stopped next to the Lieutenant, who, in contrary to Eren, looked as if the rain had barely bothered him. “There is only one horse outside”, he proceeded, “where is the second?”

The gaze of the ash-blonde man wandered around, finally resting on Levi and Erwin, who, still covered by Erwin's tailcoat, sat on the benches, trying not to show what had just happened seconds before.

“It broke away and ran off”, Levi remarked most displeased, casually trying shift the coat from his legs. Next to him Erwin nodded. His cheeks shimmered in a soft rose, beyond that, though, he appeared as ernest as usual. Levi was amazed by his amount of self-restrain.

“We will have to look out for it”, Erwin took over, “it remains to be hoped that it returned safely to Stenton Park.”

“What a disaster.”

Mike ran his fingers through his hair, afterwards folding his arms. Thoughtfully he stared straight ahead, then, suddenly, furrowed his brow as he noticed Erwin's coat, which was still in parts covering Levi's legs. Behind him Eren, who was quietly hanging around in one of the cabin's corners, suddenly blanched. Apparently he had discovered his foster father's laceration. Visibly alarmed he stepped closer.

“Sir!”, he burst out and his voice somersaulted. “You're injured. What happened? Your forehead-”

“I'm fine, Eren”, Levi interrupted the younger one and appeasingly raised his hands. “I fell down, that's it, nothing to be worried about. Calm down.”

With a rapid movement he got rid of the coat and stood up so hastily that he dizziness took over. Swayingly he stopped and reached for his temples. His hands felt cold and the pain had returned to his forehead, accompanied by the fear that had overwhelmed him during his argument with Erwin at the cliff. The fear he could reveal what just happened to outsiders. Did the new arrivals notice something? One look at Eren revealed his unawareness, yet Mike's gaze had taken a grim expression. They exchanged a volatile look, but nobody said a word. Instead, Levi passed the tall man, and neither him nor Erwin got ready to follow him back into the woods.

“Eren”, he vigorously commanded his ward, “let's go.”

Well-behaved as he was, Eren followed his foster father outside. He soon caught up, finally stopping next to him, not far away from the cliff.

“Three horses are probably not enough for four gentlemen, Sir”, he remarked and searched for Levi's gaze. He nodded.

“You will have to take me with you. Can you do this?”

“Certainly, yes”, Eren answered, on whose lips, in face of the responsibility Levi was entrusting to him, a shy smile appeared. “But moreover we should take care of your wound once we're back, Sir, it's a rather huge one...”

Levi gave a sound of agreement, though he remained silent otherwise. He let his gaze wander around until he discovered Eren's horse next to the others, tied up at a tree, where it, as if no thunderstorm had occurred before, easily was wagging its tail. Eren, apparently relieved over the fact that he was reunited with his beloved mentor, continued persuading. “Why did you fall down, Sir?”, he insisted to know.

A sigh left the physician's throat, who gave Eren an indulging look. The boy fell silent in an instant.

“I will tell you later”, he quieted the boy and tried to order his still soaked clothes. “After we returned back to Stenton Park.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it, they did it, they FINALLY did it! Levi and Erwin, sitting on a tree~... 
> 
> Ah, I once more felt the butterflies I had while writing this when I translated this chapter into English. I'm really glad how this turned out. There were some parts I really liked. From the two backstories that got revealed, over the way Erwin looks at Levi without realising how much love he puts into his gaze, Levi, who slowly opens up, and of course, MIKE~ No gayness without cockblocker-san. And Eren, of course, was as cute as usual. 
> 
> Fun fact: After I published the chapters in Germany, one of my readers said: Erwin is acting like Levi is a jewelry box and he tries to open him with a wrecking bar! - Since that day, they are all collecting nicknames. Erwin is Wrecking-Bar-Erwin. Mike is Cockblocker-san. And Levi... is YOLO-Levi. You will know why around chapter 13.
> 
> As usual - thank you for all the kind comments and replies. And for Nyranin and her fabulous fanart! And for those who appreciate the illustration blog. And every like, click and kudo you guys left :)
> 
> I will see you - hopefully - next week. Or the week after.
> 
> BYEBYE


	10. The Visit

Chapter OST:

 

~*~

 

During their return to Stenton Park Levi’s condition had worsened to an extend that made him unable to have a proper conversation by the point of their arrival. Even the pleasing news of the fact that his horse had returned healthy and safe on  its own did not catch Levi's attention. With every minute that had passed since his fall the stabbing pain that dominated his forehead had intensified. Apart from that he had appeared numb and dizzy, which had been noticed by the others with increasing worry. Accompanied under the watchful eye of Eren they soon had returned to their home, where Levi had withdrawn into his own rooms. During the following hours he had rapidly felt worse. In addition to the fatigue that had taken possession of him there were nausea and swindle, growing so strong that they eventually caused him to vomit everything he tried to drink or eat. Around midnight, as his suffering had reached a point that would make him consider his ward's suggestions seriously, Levi allowed him, with reluctance, though, to send for another doctor. The doctor came, but prescribing tinctures and juice was everything he could do. Even though Levi tended to stick to his opinion, he acted remarkable obedient in that night. He spent the following hours mostly asleep, if he was not forcing himself to drink the diluted solution of alcohol and juice the doctor had given him. It was out of question that he would allow any visitors the upcoming day and even Eren, who from time to time dared to ask for his health, was barely tolerated by him.

Time passed. After one day of absolute rest Levi felt like a human being again. After another day he had recovered so far that he found himself able to take care of his correspondences, which especially pleased Hange, who had sent  no less than five letters to him in that short amount of time.  In the afternoon of the third day he welcomed her to his salon, but she did not turn up alone. Accompanied by her nieces, who would not miss the chance to visit the physician’s home themselves, she paid him a visit. Together they sat in the salon, Levi and Eren on armchairs, Hange – whose mood was as cheerful as usual – together with her nieces on the sofa. Next to Hange’s feet stood a bag of remarkable size, packed with things she had not described any further so far. Armin Arlert, who was with the ladies on this rainy afternoon, played the piano as usual. They had tea and scones. The atmosphere was lovely, the mood quite  merry .

“I do not understand why summers at the coast always have to be so hot and humid”, Sophia moaned, fanning herself some air with an ivory fan. “You will not believe it but my arms are already pricked all over due to these horrible mosquitoes, Dr. Ackerman. How can you stand this year after year?”

“That’s nothing compared to me”, her twin sister joined. They framed Hange to her left and right, now simultaneously reaching out over the coffee table, revealing their arms to the doctor. “Look at this, it’s a massacre.”

His face nothing but a mask of self-restrain, Levi took a sip of his tea, politely eyeing the girl’s arms before he looked over to his ward that had acted remarkably calm so far. He watched the girls with unhidden curiosity that caused Levi to furrow his brows. On the afternoon of the picnic Levi had already suspicioned him to care more about the girls than he would appreciate. He would have to talk this through with him as soon as possible, but not yet.

“They might have taken a fancy in you. Fresh, young blood is supposed to have quite an attractive effect on one or another”, he remarked drily and exchanged an amused look with Hange, on whose lips the hint of a smile could be seen. The girls burst out laughing while Eren nodded heavily and rose to speak.

“Indeed!”, he cried out. “Urban blood must be rather rare around here; the mosquitoes notice that for sure!”

The laughter of those present died away in an instant. It was only Eren who was giggling on his own, but his voice was progressively fading due to his obvious failure. Only Hange gave him a well-meaning nod.

“Certainly it will be just like you said, my dear”, she agreed with him. An awkward silence followed, only accentuated by Armin’s piano play. At the point of Hange’s arrival Levi had offered the piano to the girls, but Hange had declined this offer in their places. It seemed as if she was still hoping to establish a long-lasting connection between the physician and her nieces. But even if he had been willed to cooperate, Levi considered himself not suitable for these girls. Whenever his mind calmed down, whenever the conversations fell silent for a second, his mind sneaked away to the blonde commander and he could once more feel the other’s lips on his own, as well as his fingers, gently holding his face and cheeks.

“Levi.”

Silently Levi watched the tea in his cup and eyed his slender fingers that had clenched into Erwin’s shirt as if he had been drowning. In this white, still soaked shirt, that had stuck on Erwin’s skin in a most translucent way.

“Levi.”

Hange’s voice brought him back to earth. He raised his head. Everybody was looking at him. Unhidden concern was written all over Hange’s and Eren’s face.

“What?”, he muttered in a most irritated manner.

“I asked you if the wound still hurts”, Hange asked and thoughtfully raised her brows. She leaned forwards, carefully eying him from head to toe. “You are still acting a little dizzy, my dear. The crash seems to have raised quite a lot of dust in the attic of your mind.”

Hesitantly he reached for his temple, where the wound was hidden by his hair most of the time. It still pulsated, yet the pain had decreased during the previous days. The skin, though, was swollen and of violet colour. Furthermore there were red scratches covering where his head had slid over the rocks. By now the bruise had sagged, letting him appear as if he had been involved in a bar brawl. And even though he was feeling better now, he was so exhausted that he could only leave his bed with effort. He had still not fully recovered.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore”, he answered Hange’s question and poured some more tea into their cups. “I have to thank you. You took the time and effort to visit me, after all.” 

It was a phrase of politeness, nothing more. If someone had asked him, he would have chosen comforting quietness over the never-ending chatter of the girls in an instant. Silently he added milk and sugar to the tea and handed the cups over to the ladies. Right in this moment, the piano music in the background bogged down and suddenly stopped. Surprised, everybody looked over to Armin, who, gently blushing, shrugged helplessly.

“My fingers slipped”, he laughed shily and a mischievous smile showed on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I help you, Armin?”

Eren stood up and went over to the piano forte, where Armin gave his friend a timid nod.

“You could turn the pages, if you don’t mind.”

From the corners of his eyes Levi watched his ward, but turned back to the ladies before too long, who like chickens on the roost, sat on the sofa. He took a sip of tea and placed his cup on the table, not missing the fact that Hange was examining him closely. She looked as if she was having something on the mind she really wanted to discuss with him. Expecting the worst, Levi raised his brows.

“What’s with that face of yours, Hange?”, he asked with open distrust. As if Levi just offered her the necessary keywords, she started to grin. She grabbed the bag on the ground and placed it on her lab.

“I brought something along for you, my dear Levi~”, she said cheerfully and opened the  bag full of enthusiasm. Giggling she reached inside, then stopped suddenly and exchanged a conspiratorial look with her nieces. “Should I show him? Or does he deserve it to die unknowingly?”

The physician’s face darkened. He was not very fond of such jokes and the way how Hange treated him today was really getting on his nerves. Not answering, he stared at the three ladies.

“Oh yes, aunt Hange, show him”, the twins  raised their voices, joining the giggling of their aunt. The longer the laughter went on, the more his head ached. Levi, unmoved on the outside, silently reached for his temples. In the meantime, Hange took out a huge leather book,that measured one foot in length and two fingers in breadth. It was of high quality and, according to Hange’s expression, of even higher emotional worth. Curious, Levi bend over the book and raised his brows.

“What should that be?”, he asked with an irritated voice. Hange’s grin intensified. Her fingers, that kept sliding over the book’s surface in silent tenderness, now grabbed it and handed it to Levi. Heavier than expected he almost dropped it and finally placed it on his lap. He opened it carefully and solidified as he realized what he was holding in his hands. Written on the first page in skilful letters, somebody had written in Latin:

  
  


_ Herbarium vivum _

_ Exemplary Collection of Somerset’s fauna _

_ Collected and created according to Linnaeum by a Lady _

  
  


The words were framed by leaves of dried fern, which, applied to every side of the writing, gave the title page a proper framework. Not saying a word Levi turned page by page, overlooking in silent awe what Hange had achieved in only such a small amount of time. On every page he could see dried flowers, on which's side in tiny handwriting botanic names and scientific descriptions had been noted. Even Levi, whose Latin had rusted a little during the years, was fascinated by the book's beauty despite himself.

“Well”, Hange began with a broad smile, “most of these examples have already been described by Linnaeum and his fellow campaigners, yet I consider it definitely considerable.”

The physician nodded. He hesitated every now and then, carefully looking at the colourful blossoms which formed a pretty contrast to the white paper, varying in nature, shape and colour. Even for a layman like him, the high standard of this work was something he could not deny. If he considered the fact that Hange was furthermore not allowed to attend official higher education due to her sex, expressing his highest respect for her work seemed to be the only acceptable option. 

“It's really a shame that you've been born as a girl”, he mumbled without looking up from the herbarium. He shook his head while he examined the pages. Next to him Hange snorted, then added some sugar to her tea in the most energetic manner before she heavily stirred it with a spoon.

“It's rather a shame that your kind caused us ladies to live under such unfortunate conditions, forced to depend on others.” She reached for the cup and took a small sip. “But one day things will change, even if it will take another 200 years. Some day-” Suddenly her eyes widened and she gasped for breath. Thereby she swallowed her tea and began to cough desperately. The girls immediately patted her back, but Hange ignored them, wordlessly pointing on the page Levi had just opened. “Look, Levi”, she somehow managed it to say between two short breaths, “look closer.”

He followed her and suddenly froze, since one look was enough to understand what she was up to. In front of him, pressed and preserved for posterity, he could see the plant he once had extracted without its roots. Small and fragile its blossoms burned in a dark, shimmering red. This flower might have not been of striking splendour – the blossoms and leaves were small and insignificant – yet this would not decrease its beauty. It took him a couple of seconds before he would overcome his fascination and finally look at the name that Hange had written at the bottom of the page. Once he had read the words, he stopped breathing. 

  
  


_ Myosotis Leviathanes _

  
  


Levi raised his head and silently looked at Hange. The grin on her lips increased, even though Levi had not considered this to be possible.

“I named it after you”, Hange stated the obvious. “Believe me, it took me quite a while to find another example after you ruined the first one with your negligence. It appears as if the coast is their only habitat.”

Levi would not give her an answer. Once more he examined the little flower. Hange could have given this plant her name as well, but for some reason she had refrained from doing so. A gesture of silent devotion, Levi knew that. When he finally opened his mouth, he was interrupted by Eren before he could say even one word.

“What is that, Sir?”, he asked. By now he had returned from the piano and now needed to lean over the backrest of Levi's armchair in order to sneak a peek of Hange's herbarium. Thereby, for Levi's taste, Eren stood too close. Way too close. They exchanged a look and Levi pulled a wry face.

“A herbarium Hange created with the plants we collected during our picnic a few weeks ago.”

“Oh~!”

With rapid movements Eren had walked around Levi's chair and, with a sweeping gesture, taken place next to him. Visibly filled with curiosity he leaned over the book which was still resting in Levi's lap.

“Myosotis Leviathanes?”, Eren read carefully and burst out laughing. It took him a few seconds before he had calmed down to an extend that enabled him to gave his foster father an amused look. “What a ridiculously long name for such a short plant, Sir, don't you agree?”

The smiles of the surrounding persons vanished in an instant. For a second, Levi closed his eyes in a restrained manner and took a deep breath.

“Eren”, he growled with a voice that vanished the smile from the boy's cheeks.

“Yes, Sir?”, he asked, honestly perplex. He was still not aware of the fact that he really had put his foot in it.

“Go and help Arlert to turn the pages.”

“Oh, there is no need to, Sir.” He laughed reluctantly, but nobody joined, which flustered him even more. With every word he spoke his voice lowered until it equaled a toneless whisper. “Since the next song has only one page.”

Levi, who was still piercing Eren with his stare, raised his brows.

“Eren.”

Nothing on him would allow the slightest contradiction. Once more Eren laughed, who grabbed the rest of his armchair so tightly that the blood vanished from his fingers.

“I better go.” He scrambled back on his feet and went back over to Armin, who was still sitting at the piano. Armin appeared to be quite confused about Eren's early return, yet the boy only shrugged and pointed at the sheet, whereas Armin once more began to play. Levi and Hange looked at each other, then once more looked over to Eren.

“This boy”, Hange murmured not without joy.

“It would be better for him to think twice before he opens his mouth.”

Even though he considered himself angry over Eren's behaviour, there was the hint of a smile showing on Levi's face, fading before the ladies could notice. He reached for his cup and was about to take a sip, when Sophia suddenly leaned forward and addressed him. Her cheeks shimmered in a gentle rosé and her eyes were resting on Levi, filled with such a thirst for knowledge that Levi considered it uncomfortable. That both girls had developed a crush on him was out of question.

“Dr. Ackerman”, she began and giggled. Her sister joined her, “would you like to accompany us to Bath this weekend? It is said the architecture is marvellous and the cultural activities offered there would leave nothing to be desired.”

The cup still resting on his lips, Levi looked back and forth between the girls. There was no way he would have wanted that. And by no means he would spend even one minute alone with them. Even the chance that Hange would join them was of no considerable help. He needed to blight this invitation right away, before it was too late.

“Arlert and you will join us for sure?”, he adressed Hange, silently hoping to receive her assurance that everything would be right. She, though, pulled a face of wrong regretfulness. She had never been much of an actress and even now Levi could see in her eyes what was her true desire. Again and again her hands caressed the leather book of the herbarium, that Levi, in the meanwhile, had given back to her. 

“Well, you know”, she said and shrugged in an apologising manner. “There is  nothing I would love more than to join you at this little adventure, but you certainly remember this experiment with the mushrooms and the new breeding ground I started together with Mr. Arlert a couple of weeks ago? The spores should reach their maximum any day.”

With emphasis, she placed her hands on the girl's knees.

“Sophia and Fiona would only be in my way, and, in addition, only bore themselves to death. And you used to travel to Bath quite often with Eren when he  was younger. The girls cannot visit me all the way from London and then only be in Brighthampton day by day. It would be most certainly pretty... fruitful, if you could show them around, Levi.”

Levi silently clenched his teeth. It was abhorrent to him that Hange once more tried manipulate him due to her wishes, as if he had no own life that demanded his care and attention. To his misfortune Hange was familiar with his habits and had memorized his daily routines to an extend that excuses would not save him. She knew that he made sure to have his Sunday off after he had attended church together with his ward in the early morning and that his social contacts were limited to Eren, herself and their friends. Levi looked over to Armin, whose fingers skilfully slid over the clavier. 

“Arlert, how about you?”

“I am very sorry, Sir”, he answered casually without interrupting his play. “But my parents and I are already invited for tea somewhere else.”

The physician's fingers grabbed the rests of his armchair. He looked over to his foster son, who stood next to Armin, thoughtfully taking care of the sheets.

“Well”, Levi proceeded, “Eren will accompany us, then.”

“You placed the additional Latin exercises on Sunday so that I will not fail my exams, Sir”, he replied without raising his eyes from the sheets.

“Ah, right...”

He was trapped. No matter how much he struggled, no matter how much he bristled. It was a friendly turn he needed to grant Hange. Was that in fact the reason why she had named the plant after him? To pressure him into this awkward situation? Levi sighed and opened his mouth, as someone knocked at the main door. He did not expect any further visitors, yet he was the last to be angry about that in this very moment. With a silent gesture of apology Eren left the room, leaving Levi alone with Hange, Armin and the twins. In expectation of a positive answer the girls looked at him.

“Well, Dr. Ackerman? Will you give us a treat and accept?”

“Well”, he began reluctantly and searched for words. He had to accept this offer and it was better for him to do it right away. But just in this moment the door to the salon once more opened and Eren entered. Visibly delighted about the fact that he did not have to give a definite answer right away, Levi looked over to his ward.

“Who is it, Eren?”

“It's Commander Smith, Sir.”

Suddenly, Levi's stomach turned into a knot. Commander Smith. With rapid movements he scrambled on his feet. Hange gave him an amazed look, but he did not notice it.

“Is he alone?”, he asked under his breath and Eren nodded. Levi bit his inner lip. Alone. Without Mike. It would be the first time after their hunt that they would meet again. Suddenly his heartbeat accelerated. His throat felt dry. The feelings he had been suppressing for the past weeks had taken over the command since they kissed. Whenever he thought of Erwin, his body would not obey him any longer. Nervously he reached for his west, straightened it before he  reached for his cravat and rechecked its fit. Only after that he gave Eren the sign to let the guest in. As Erwin appeared behind the door and their eyes met for the first time, Levi stopped breathing for a second. Erwin wore a dark blue tailcoat, but it was not the same from back then. Instead it showed such a subtle and fine check pattern that it made the fabric shimmer in a most elegant way. A smile on his lips he took of his hat and gave it to Eren, who disappeared into the hallway after a slight bow. Reluctantly, Levi replied the smile in front of the other guests.

“Commander Smith”, he said.

“Dr. Ackerman”, Erwin replied.

Erwin let his gaze wander around. His smile faded a little when he realised that he was not the only guest today.

“If that's not the glorious hero that kept Brighthampton's doctor from falling to certain death. Did Mike not accompany you?”, Hange greeted him, a broad smile written all over her face. Her exuberant greeting made the blonde man blush.

“Oh no, please don't.” He stepped closer and stopped next to the sofa. “I happened to be in the neighbourhood and considered it a good idea to inquire about Dr. Ackerman's condition. Mike was, unfortunately, tied up with business.”

“How charming”, was everything Levi could reply, since his mouth felt so dry that his tongue sticked to his palate. With a blank face he eyed his vis-á-vis, before he noticed the tea set that was still standing on the table in the middle of the room.

“Eren”, he intercepted the boy harshly, who had just returned and was about to close the door behind him. “Bring an additional tea set for Commander Smith. Nobody should have the reason to say I acted as a bad host to my saviour.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Eren nodded and once more disappeared.

“I do not intend to bother you much longer, though”, Erwin now joined him and pointed with a short nod into Hange's and the girl's direction. “According to the presence of Miss Zoe and her charming nieces they seemed to have come up with the same idea.”

The girls smiled at the commander, who replied it in a polite manner. Even though Erwin's appearance was an unasked, the atmosphere was still comfortable and nice.

“Don't worry, Smith, you're not bothering me at all”, Levi remarked casually and pointed at the armchair on which Eren had sit before, an invitation that Erwin followed right away. With a sigh he sprawled out on the chair and looked at the others filled with expectation, causing Levi a slight smile. It was hard for him to take his eyes off of the commander, yet he had to, if he wanted to act normally. Before he knew what he did, Levi sat down on the remaining armchair. Next to him Hange had already begun to stow the herbarium back into her leather bag. 

“It's fine, Erwin, it's fine”, she went on, “we were just about to leave, anyway.” She tucked a strand of thick brown hair behind her ears and looked over to Levi who raised his brows in an unimpressed manner.

“The spores”, she said, “you remember, right? They will not forgive any sloppiness.”

“Of course.”

“How is your head?”, Erwin asked, who had now turned in Levi's direction, carefully eying the doctor's face. “I'm still very sorry that I could not prevent you from falling.”

“You did more than enough”, Levi replied and unintentionally reached for the cut that Eren had cleaned and stitched on the same day. The blunt way Erwin was staring at him made him nervous. “But according to the circumstances my head is doing quite well.” He kept his gaze lowered, only looking over to Erwin from time to time. “Without you interfering this incident would have had a different ending, that's for certain.”

Without the thunderstorm and Erwin's inappropriate behaviour manifesting in his sudden confessing of his feelings, all of this would not even have happened, Levi could not help himself from thinking. One thought of this conversation was enough to heat up his cheeks, causing him to worry whether he would visibly blush or not. With every second the commander sat next to him, the speed of his heartbeat accelerated. Suddenly, he felt like he could not bare this stare any further and got up. He did a few steps and finally stopped behind the sofa, so that it and the girls upon it would form a barrier between them. This distance slightly calmed him down, enabling him to gain a clear thought again. In this moment the door to the salon once more opened, revealing Eren, who entered, carrying another tea set. He went over to Erwin and placed it next to him on a little side table, which was acknowledged by Erwin with a friendly smile.

“Your tea, Sir.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Jaeger.”

“You are more than welcome, Sir.”

With these words Eren walked around the table and went over to Armin, who had interrupted his play for a moment and was now leafing through the sheets. They exchanged a few words so silently that Levi would not understand them, then, suddenly, a smile appeared on Armin's lips, brighter than the sun. Levi had barely seen two people interacting with each other in such an intimate manner and it relieved him to know that there was somebody for Eren who equaled him a brother.

Silently he examined the boys for a while, then again looked over to Erwin, who was still staring at him. In the second their eyes met, though, Erwin turned away and casually looked over to Hange, who had been chatting with her nieces in hushed whispers. For a second only, Erwin's eyes lit up, as if he had suddenly remembered something, then he reached into his tailcoats inner pocket.

“Considering the fact that I'm meeting you here, Hange”, he started and took out a sealed letter, which he gave to her over the table. Visibly curious she took it and turned it back and forth in her hands. “I was actually intending to send you one of my servants, yet in my opinion it is more personal to hand it over by myself.”

Without giving him a proper answer Hange broke the seal and unfolded the letter. She quickly overflew Erwin's handwriting. After that, her eyes began to sparkle in excitement with every word she had read. Eager to know what was written there the girls leaned over the letter, but where shooed away by Hange with a snappy gesture.

“What's written there?”, Sophia asked impatiently and Fiona as well acted like a cat on hot bricks. In the meantime, the piano play stopped. Seconds later, Eren and Armin came over. 

“Yes!”, Eren joined them loudly, giving the ladies a look filled with expectation. His green eyes were sparkling in excitement. “What's written there? Can't you read it for us?”

“Slowly, my dears”, Hange laughed, “just let me finish first.”

With her hands she tried to smooth the paper on her lap before she prepared herself to paraphrase what was written there. “It is nothing less but an invitation to a summer ball at Stenton Park in two weeks, signed by our beloved, honourable gentlemen Commander Erwin Smith and Lieutenant Mike Zacharias. Did I mention the most important points, my dear?”

The blonde smirked in a most satisfied manner.

“There is no way I could have done it better”, he said.

A split second later Hange's nieces broke out in cries of joy, so suddenly and loud that Levi had to close his eyes for a second in order to keep his countenance. The pain in his forehead turned into an exploding firework. 

When he opened his eyes again, all he could see were happy faces. Balls of such kind formed one of the very few occasions to retreat from the everyday routine and form new bonds in their dozy little  town of Brighthampton. Since the last ball a couple of weeks had already passed. Especially for the youth who was struggling with the strict ruled of adulthood, such festivities formed a bright spot in their usually dull and boring lives.

“Oh, Commander Smith!”, Fiona yelled. By now she had calmed down so much that she was able to talk again. “A summer ball at Stenton Park! Will it take place outside as well?”

“Well, that will depend on the weather, Miss Middleton.”

Once more the twins started to giggle. Levi watched all of this silently, only exchanging meaningful looks with Erwin from time to time, who brushed aside the girl's behaviour with a gentle smile. In the meantime Hange got up and readjusted her garments, before she took the bag that contained her herbarium. With a nod she requested her nieces to follow her and the girls obeyed. After that she went over to Levi, who was still standing behind the sofa and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We have to go now. Take good care of yourself, will you?”

Levi replied her look with a blank face. Finally he nodded as well.

“If you insist.”

“And try not to fall down from something again.”

“Yes.”

“Or wander around at the back of a horse by rain, thunder and lightening.”

“Yes.”

“Or provoke duels with gentlemen you just met.”

“Hange.”

Levi pulled a wry face. With a faked thoughtfulness Hange placed her index finger on her chin and looked up to the ceiling.

“Well, if I think about it properly it would most certainly be the easiest if you would not leave the house at all. You have been quite troublesome recently.” She noticed Levi's glare and furrowed her brows. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Have you asked yourself even once what or who the cause of these troubles may have been?”, he muttered and an embarrassed laughter occurred behind them. Needless to say it was Erwin's. For a moment Levi looked over to him. Erwin was smiling at them as if butter would not melt in his mouth. Levi clenched his teeth, then Hange gently patted his shoulder, in an unintended hard manner as usual.

“However”, she bid farewell, “I will contact you again soon.”

“There is no doubt about that. Eren, be so kind and get their coats and hats.”

He waited for the boy to pass him and leave the room but nothing like that happened. Visibly amazed he turned around, only to find his boy engrossed in a conversation with Armin next to the piano. The physician sighed, then cleared his throat. Nothing happened. He tried it again, yet failed once more. His patience grew thin.

“Eren”, he eventually snapped, causing the boy to twitch and whirl around. They stopped talking in an instant.

“Yes, Sir?”, Eren asked and an uncertain smile showed on his face.

“Go and get the ladyship's belongings so they can return home. Same goes for Arlert.”

“We are leaving already?”, Armin stuttered who appeared to have missed the entire conversation over his piano play. He grabbed his sheets who he had brought along in a leather folder and rapidly went over to the ladies. Eren followed them and led them to the hallway. Seconds later the door closed behind them. Was remained was silence. The storm in the teacup – it was over.

“And that's what they call a sick visit”, Levi moaned from whose shoulders the disappearance of the ladies seemed to have taken away a heavy weight. He let his fingers run through his hair and went over to the window, where he opened the curtain and looked outside, just to make sure they were really leaving. “This past half an hour could by no means been more cruel to my poor head. These girls...” He groaned. Behind him a silent laughter occurred.

“To deal with Miss Zoe in triplicate is something that's not easy to learn, I assume”, Erwin said in an amused manner and got up. Levi laughed silently, let the curtain go and turned around. Leaning his back against the windowsill, he folded his arms.

“To deal with Miss Zoe in triplicate is something I don't want to learn”, he replied snappily and was secretly more than just satisfied over the fact that the girls had just left his house. “These girls in fact tried to force me into accompanying them to  Bath . Your unannounced appearance in fact saved me, Smith.”

“A ride to  Bath ? With the girls?”, the other asked. There was still the hint of a mocking smile on his lips. He passed through the room and stopped next to Levi, whose blood rushed through his veins in a surge of emotion. “There are certainly no other duties that would keep you from spending a Sunday afternoon with the twins.” The sarcasm in Erwin's voice could not be overheard.

“Why don't you accompany me?”, Levi replied in the same tone. “You and this cousin of Miss Zoe, the one you've been dancing with at the past ball. How does that sound for you?”

“Extraordinary.”

They looked at each other and, after a second of intense glaring, burst out into silent laughter. Hange Zoe and her endless attempts to make matches were something that kept every bachelor close to her busy. “I am glad though that you feel better”, Erwin went on, “it would have caused me much grief if something serious had happened to you.”

“Do people who are in touch with you often get into trouble?”

“No”, Erwin smirked, “only you. Apart from that - I consider myself not the only person who's guilty in this incident.”

They would not stop looking at each other. Erwin acted like a real teaser and Levi found himself unable to take his eyes off of him. The beating of his heart made him nervous. In a most inquiring manner Erwin eyed Levi's face, which was still covered in scratches from his fall. Now where they stood next to each other in such a peaceful manner, the anger and hostility that had ruled Levi's behaviour when they had met for the first time was something he could no longer understand himself. None of these feelings had remained. Instead there was only a slight and unfamiliar warmth that filled Levi's chest whenever they  were together.

Suddenly, Erwin's eyes stopped and his expression changed. He bend down to Levi, gently placing his fingers under Levi's chin, forcing him to reply his look. He was still staring so intensively that Levi started to blush.

“Oi, what do you think you're doing here?”, Levi muttered and lowered his gaze. “Stop with that right away.”

But Erwin did not listen to him. Instead, he took Levi's face in his hands, carefully tugging a few strands of black hair behind his ear.

“You look as if you'd fought in a boxing ring”, Erwin said tenderly and breathed a volatile kiss against Levi's lips. Levi did not fight against this closeness but let it happen instead. Reluctantly he reached out and placed his hands on the commander's hips, before he pulled him a little closer. 

“A boxing match would certainly be more honourable than such a crash, Smith”, he replied and suddenly was smiling despite himself. If he was honest, he had missed all of this during the past few days. Erwin's smile. The sound of his voice. It was good to have him around again. Yet – all of this was still so confusing for him. He had always been quite clumsy in matters of love and the fact that a person of his own gender and sex would cause such feelings in him, scared him to death. It was a matter of fact that if somebody knew about this they could be hanged. And as longing as his desire toward Erwin was – it equalled the amount of fear that filled his chest. And every second he spent with Erwin in this silent devotion strengthened the struggle he was fighting inside.

Eventually, he grabbed Erwin's hands, forcing him to let go.

“Forgive me”, he whispered under his breath, “but-”

He would not be able to finish his sentence since the door to the salon was opened once more and Eren entered. Something had wiped the cheerful and happy expression from his face. It was obvious that he did not want to interrupt Levi and Erwin in their conversation, but the cause of his appearance seemed urgent. Levi stepped back from Erwin right away and gave Eren a prompting nod.

“What's wrong, Eren?”

“A young lady is inquiring for you, Sir.”

“What for?”

“Somebody fell down the stairs. Probably a broken leg.”

The physician nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. From the corners of his eyes he looked over to Erwin, but the other one was focussing completely on Eren.

“Tell her she shall wait”, Levi instructed his ward, “I'll be there in a second.”

“Shall I go and get your bag from the treatment room, Sir?”

“Please.”

Eren obeyed, once more leaving the two gentlemen alone. For a moment only silence filled the room. He wanted to talk with Erwin about what was going on inside his thoughts, but an emergency case like this would not allow this right now. Staring straight ahead he was already considering what he had to take care of, and was silently hoping that it was not an open fracture. Never again he wanted to feel as helpless as back then with the old Miss Lane. When suddenly something beige appeared in front of his eyes, Levi raised his head. It was a letter. Levi furrowed his brows and looked at Erwin, who's eyes were severely resting on him.

“You're on duty. Therefore I'm leaving now.”

“What a pity”, Levi whispered and Erwin shrugged.

“It cannot be helped, I guess.”

“It can't.” Levi took the letter and overlooked his name, that had been written in black ink and Erwin's marvellous handwriting. “An invitation to the ball, I assume?”, he asked and turned the letter around. Like back then, the seal was ornamented with the squiggly letter 'S'. Erwin nodded and casually touched Levi's shoulder when he bid farewell. One last time he leaned over until his lips were next to Levis right ear.

“I hope  your dancing abilities will have improved by then”, he silently whispered into the physician's ears, whose hands afterwards clenched into fists. The hint of a grin showed on Levi's face.

“You bet”, Levi murmured. “Just wait and see.”

When the door to the salon was opened again, it was Eren who carried Erwin's belongings. Erwin gave Levi a last, friendly smile, before he went over to Eren and took his garments.

“I will see you then, Dr. Ackerman. Take care. I'll find out myself, thank you very much.”

With a routined gesture he placed the hat on his head and bid farewell with a volatile nod before he left the room. Silently Levi stared after him until Eren, whose attention had now shifted to the letter, had approached Levi so close that the physician wordlessly gave it to him. 

“What is this, Sir?”

“The invitation to the summer ball.”

Eagerly Eren unfolded the paper.

“I placed the bag next to the staircase”, Eren remarked while he carefully read what was written there. Suddenly, the boy started to smile, but it showed a mocking nuance. Levi, who could not understand what was so funny about a simple invitation, raised his brows.

“What?”, he asked I an irritated manner. He was displeased by the fact that Erwin had to leave them so suddenly. Now, where Levi had to start working again the spare time they could spent together was limited. In the worst case they would only be reunited at the evening of the ball at the earliest. And even then Erwin would barely have any time for him, since he was one of the hosts. “Eren, for heaven's sake, what is so funny?”

“Look at this.” Eren showed him the letter. It was a neat document, written in a beautiful handwriting, perfectly shaped and without any flaw. Levi was merely skimming over the words rather than really reading them, yet as he reached the end of the invitation, his eyes widened just in the moment as Eren continued talking. “It seems like Lieutenant Zacharias has forgotten to sign the letter. Even the rich gentlemen from London are not infallible, Sir.”

With a grin that progressively intensified Eren folded the letter together and placed it in the inner pocket of his tailcoat. “I will bring it upstairs before we leave”, was the last thing Levi could hear from him, before the salon's door closed for the last time. Levi looked after his ward with a blank face. He felt something in his stomach, heavy as iron. If he remembered the grim glare Mike had given him back then in the shelter Levi started to shiver. Mike Zacharias, who had always acted calm and severe, who was said to be tied up in business, should have forgotten to sign a simple invitation? Levi could not really believe that.

  
  


~*~

  
  


The day had ended without that anything special occurring after Erwin's visit. As suspected, the patient's leg had been fractured, yet fortunately Levi had found himself able to help. After their return home they spent the evening in each other's company but Levi, who felt, even though he had not done much this day, more exhausted than usual, had soon wished Eren a good night and went up to his bedroom.

Tired he loosened the cravat from his neck and placed it on the other garments that he had draped neatly at the backrest of a chair. After that he went over to his bed, laid down and pulled the blanket up to his nose. Only a single candle  spread light in the otherwise pitch black room. It had taken him quite an effort to concentrate properly on his patient's needs, yet his thoughts had constantly went in circles. Maybe Eren was right and Mike had in fact only forgotten to sign the damn letter, yet it was highly unlikely. What Levi had witnessed today was a foreshadowing of what would follow if the wrong person would find out about their kiss.

Levi sat up to extinguish the light when he noticed Erwin's invitation that Eren must have placed for him on the side table. He hesitated for a mere moment, then reached out and took it, before he laid back down. Silently he unfolded the paper and looked at it. He was not mistaken. Only Erwin had signed the letter. According to the handwriting, even the rest of the text had been written by him. Thoughtfully his eyes slid over the paper and finally over to the small box that was still resting at the side table as well and contained the cravat Erwin had sent to him the other day. Until now Levi refrained from trying it on. It was a garment for special occasions, too expensive and of high quality to be worn during work hours. 

A sigh left his throat when he sprawled out and closed his eyes. It was quite obvious that Mike had seen more than he was supposed to. By now he was probably already assuming that his friend kept more than comradely feelings for Levi in his chest. Whenever they had distanced themselves from societies, it had been Mike who had followed them not before too long. At the ball as well as after the thunderstorm. Everybody who was not completely out of his senses would have noticed it immediately. The silent shock to be disturbed. Two heated up bodies that suddenly distanced from each other. The coat that had not only covered Erwin's but Levi's legs as well. Especially for Mike, who knew Erwin better than anyone else, it must have been easy to read. And whenever Mike was looking at Levi his face grew colder and colder.

Levi shivered and pulled the blanked over his shoulders. During the past weeks more than he usually lived through in a whole year had occurred. If he thought about the hate he had felt toward Erwin in the beginning, he could not recognise himself anymore. Everything on that man, from his appearance to his self-confident way of acting had filled Levi with disgust. But things had changed.

_ Lend me your summer. _

No matter how rude Levi had treated him, Erwin had constantly acted in such a friendly way Levi had barely experienced in his life.  The way how Erwin looked at him with so much tenderness. All these small gestures of silent devotion. Everything this man did gave Levi the impression that everything would be alright as long as they had each other.

And before he had known it, he had stopped to dodge Erwin's attempts to approach him. He had accepted his behaviour and suddenly started to seek for his company.

Erwin Smith was obviously in love with him, but still – it was an irrational love, against every reason and social borders, a love without future. As  the only son of a wealthy family it was his duty to marry a girl of large fortune to fulfil his representative functions. Mike was certainly considering all of this, when he saw Erwin together with Levi.

Whatever was starting here – the time they had was definitely limited. 

Once more Levi's eyes slid over Erwin's signature. What, in fact, was Erwin Smith for him?

“Erwin Smith”, he breathed silently and a surge of emotions rushed over him. He remembered their handshake before the duel, when Erwin had grabbed his hand longer than it was necessary. Their dance at the ball. The moment when they had been so close to each other that Levi could have felt Erwin's drunken breath on his own skin, their fingers interlaced with each other. Erwin's beating heart during his confession. Their kiss. He could still feel the commander's lips on his own. How desperately had he clung to the other? Like a drowning  man his fingers had clenched the translucent fabric of Erwin's shirt. Without noticing it he had been longing for this to happen all along. And gradually he started to trust this man, who was a soldier, but moreover a polite and caring person. He thought of Erwin's fingers that gently slid over his skin and sighed, when the fragile pain of great yearning filled his chest. He wanted to be with this man. He wanted to feel him with all his senses and be felt. He wanted to see the shimmer that appeared in this blue eyes whenever Erwin smiled. And even though Erwin would not reside in Brighthampton for forever – he wanted to spend every free minute with this man.

Levi took a deep breath, before he reached for his shirt and grabbed it devotedly. His bed had never felt more empty to him. Silently he looked out of the window in night sky that was covered with stars. And suddenly everything made sense to him.

If that was what people called love – then he was in love with Erwin Smith.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will make it short, since a friend of mine is coming over to watch the wonderful film 'Love in thoughts' (2004) with August Diehl and Daniel Brühl - I can only recommend the film to everyone who likes the 20s, summer and swing music.
> 
> There will be a con this weekend (if somebody's around: Animagic in Bonn, feel free to drop by and talk to me), so I will not make it to upload another chapter next friday (most likely). I wil try to upload the next chapter in two weeks then. 
> 
> As usual a short summary of stuff I really liked about this chapter:  
> \- EREN. How can one boy be so dorky and not even realise?  
> \- Erwin's face when he realised that Levi has visitors and that they won't be... alone (I have the theory that he brought a flower bouqet with him and secretly got rid of it by placing it in the umbrella stand when nobody was watching)  
> \- the kiss  
> \- their awkward attempts of flirting  
> \- the fact that Levi FINALLY realised that his heartbeat is not accelerating because of the friggin' duel but because he has a huge crush on that old man
> 
> As usual: Thank you again my dear patreons for helping me write more <3 You can still find me under the nick HerrKirschbaum there. 
> 
> So next chapter is a ball again! Let's party!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum (whose literature prof promised him to introduce him to a professional editor once SmdS is done - yikes!)


	11. A Summer Ball at Stenton Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter notes contain spoilers up to chapter 84 this week.

  


 ~*~

For those of you who are not familiar with how regency balls looked like:

[ _formal_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9SXvUdM_iw)  


_[informal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHv4eHp_gUM) _

~*~

 

Not much longer after Levi’s fall this year’s summer had reached its climax. The people of Brighthampton who were very much familiar with rain knew how to make use of the good weather and even Levi, who used to have only very little spare time due to his work, had found himself sitting underneath an old oak from time to time with a book in his hands. Therefore it was not much of a surprise that Erwin and Mike had decided to transfer the ball to Stenton Park's spacious terrace, a ball that could not be in any way compared to what Levi had witnessed so far at evening societies of the upper class. Instead of a strict, formally regulated dance evening in style of the first ball, this night equalled a roaring fest which lost its formal severity along with the unbridled consumption of countless glasses of punch bowl.

On the terrace, not far away from the generous buffet and the spacious, oak-framed avenue, somebody had set up a baldachin made from white linen. It offered shelter from wind and weather, simultaneously framing the dance floor as well. Decorated with pearls and crystals, it reminded Levi of the Bedouin's tented villages – something he once had seen pictures of in a book of his foster father. Lighters and chandeliers that had been set up illuminated the area and offered the light that was required for dancing. Once somebody passed this area they reached a huge wing door that lead inside and stood wide open, furthermore the buffet itself.

Levi and Eren had arrived there about two hours ago. The days might have been the longest around this time of the year, yet the night had already spread out its black wings over Stenton Park. Only a subtle, red glowing at the horizon indicated that the day had only left them hours ago. But even though night was approaching and to the surprise of those present, the air was filled with a certain kind of heat that could hardly be witnessed in Brighthampton, a heat that dulled one's mind, causing people to act frivolous and carelessly. The ladies had by now long taken off the cashmere shawls and even the silk gloves that formed a basic item of a girl's evening wardrobe appeared to be an unreasonable demand in light of tonight's temperatures. The gentlemen seemed to share their fate. Even Levi, who had combed back his hair with pomade, was now struggling with strands of black hair that continuously kept shifting into his face. Holding an empty glass in his hands he stood not far away from the wing door and carefully watched those who passed him on their way to the dance floor. His face was shimmering in the candlelight, while his cheeks showed a certain red that, though, could hardly be seen in the twilight. He was not aware of it himself yet, but those who knew him had noticed it right away. Something was different on that evening. Something was different with him, that physician of Brighthampton. He, who would rarely participate in such events and who, if at all, would rather stay on his own – he had changed, almost overnight and the people who were familiar with him took notice of it.

“Would you like to drink something, Sir?”, Eren asked, after letting his fingers run through the brown sweaty hair. His forehead shimmered with moist, since he had spent large parts of the evening in the company of the Middleton twins on the dance floor. Hange's nieces who would hardly pay any attention to Levi since his accident, had by now developed a fixation on Armin and Eren. It was something that Levi was observing with suspicion, but since it granted him solitude, he had long decided to take it with composure. In the end – and he really hoped that – it would prevent him from being forced to repeat the trip to Bath. To his dismay he had not been able to liberate himself from his friend's wicked plans.

“Yes, I would very much like one.”

He placed a hand on his ward's shoulder and gently pushed him toward the buffet. Afterwards he reached for his neck and carefully loosened his cravat. He felt hot and thirsty, but fantastic after all. An unknown energy filled his chest and every fibre of his body. An energy that made him drink and dance more than usual, which enabled him to participate in the conversations of his fellow humans and that caused him to, in fact, behave like a companionable human being.

He had barely caught sight of his hosts so far on that evening, yet whenever he could see Erwin amongst the crowd he could not take his eyes off of him. Like before the soldier was wearing his dark red dress uniform with the golden piping, yet in contrary to their former meetings Levi could not find anything negative in it. On that day back then, when Erwin had visited him for the last time, Levi had made up his mind. He would try to let go of his demons as well as he could and head for shores. He would try to trust this man who made his heart beat so fast since he had arrived at the ball. His hands felt sweaty and his cheeks were hot. It was hard for him to concentrate since in his mind he was already anywhere but here. And so he only casually noticed how Eren poured him some punch bowl and handed him one of the glasses afterwards. He thanked Eren with a nod before they returned to the dance floor. With a sigh of ease Levi took a big sip. The coolness of his drink was a real relief on his glowing lips and when Levi let his glass sink he had already drunken half of it. Eren acted no different. They exchanged an understanding look before they paid attention to the dancing couples. He saw Hange and Mike, who flew across the dance floor, as well as the Middleton sisters under the care of Armin and Pixis. Pixis appeared to find joy in his role as fatherly friend since he pushed the girl back and forth with so much emphasis that Fiona's characteristic laughter could be heard overall.

Without saying a word, Levi let his eyes rest on them, before he suddenly turned around and examined Eren. He stared, his glass clenched between his fingers, at Sophia and Armin with wide, drunken eyes. His lips stood slightly open, indicating the fascination that the dancing couple had on him. He was so absorbed by watching the scenery that he did not even notice Levi who eyed him with furrowed brows.

“Are you in love, Eren?”, Levi bluntly asked him in the end and without any shyness, caused by the amount of alcohol he had already drunken to this point of the evening. Eren, who was just about to take another sip, choked on his drink, scattering it coughing on the surrounding guests, who, after they had given this unequal pair some evil looks, left them in disgust. His cheeks blushing in shame, Eren lowered his gaze.

“Dr. Ackerman, Sir”, he protested with emphasis and once more let his fingers run through his hair. When he was done doing so, it stuck out in all directions. His cheeks now were shimmering reddish as fire. He hid his face behind his glass and kept drinking, silently, so he would not have to give his master an answer. “You are on the wrong track, if I may say so”, was everything he mumbled into his drink, which caused Levi to smile despite himself. He was not certain whether he had just hit the mark or if Eren only acted this way since this whole situation was repugnant to him. Did not Hange herself mention once that there was nothing more painful for boys in Eren's age than talking about such issues with their parents?

“All the better”, Levi mumbled thoughtfully and emptied his glass with a long gulp before he handed it to his ward. “That absolves me from the pleasure of giving you a proper telling-off. You are too young to marry anyway.”

The red on Eren's cheeks intensified. He opened his mouth to disagree, but a strong hand suddenly placed on Levi's shoulder silenced him in an instant. Surprised, Levi whirled around and solidified when he realised who was standing right behind him.

“Commander Smith”, he whispered tonelessly. The face of the soldier owned a subtle, rose shimmer and his eyes, which showed their typical warmth, appeared a little more glassy than usual. Like the others at this fest Erwin was definitely not sober anymore. As if to underline the mere fact he held a huge glass filled with liquor in his hand.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Dr. Ackerman?”, he asked with a gentle smile and took a sip of his drink, yet without letting go of Levi's shoulder. Levi himself remained unmoved, silently eying his glass, then Erwin's before he finally looked over to Eren.

“Do you have something to drink, Smith?”, he asked casually and could not avoid to smirk when Erwin emptied his glass in one draft.

“Not anymore”, he replied drily. The soldier patted Levi's shoulder in a friendly manner and started to laugh. Levi, to the surprise of the others, joined him.

“You're drinking like a servant”, Levi replied with pretended disgust and shook his head. He then turned toward his protégé, who stood next to them, silently watching his master and Commander Smith interact with each other with furrowed brows.

“Oi, Eren”, Levi began with a voice that would not allow any backtalk, “go and get us something to drink.”

“Yes, Sir”, Eren replied, before he took the empty glasses with a blank face and disappeared in the crowds. Even the boy, who used to overlook what he could not please, would not have missed how the relationship between these two men had turned into the opposite during the past few weeks. Levi believed to hear a mumbled “Even though they had to establish a merrily shooting feast in the beginning”, yet he could not say for certain. After Eren had disappeared from their sight, Levi slowly leaned back until his shoulders touched Erwin's chest and pushed his hands into his trouser pockets.

“Well”, he said and let his gaze wander over the countless guests. “To answer your question: There where definitely nights worse than this one, if that satisfies you.”

“It does, doctor.”

Levi could hear Erwin's gentle laughter behind him. Together they watched the dancing couples underneath the baldachin and had soon discovered Mike and Hange, who danced in a remarkably expressive yet unconventional manner. Hange was almost flying around while Mike appeared calm and down to earth during every of his movements. Not far away from them Pixis was still waltzing with one of the Middleton girls. Taking care of her in such an extraordinary manner – he almost appeared like a gentlemen. Of course he was none. And everybody here knew about that.

Erwin's grip around Levi’s shoulder strengthened and made him, who had not expected this, shiver. Not saying a thing, he looked up to Erwin from the corners of his eyes, noticing the scent of Erwin's aftershave and alcohol.

“It was not a bad idea to let this ball take place in the open air. Those ballrooms tend to be so crowded and stuffy.” He interrupted himself and reached for his cravat. “I hope you're not actually speculating for a thunderstorm again?”

Once more Erwin laughed and took one of the drinks out of Eren's hands who, in the meanwhile, had returned to them. Even though Levi did not join his laughter this time, the hint of a smile showed on his lips. Due to Eren's return, he stepped away from the soldier, but he would not stop looking at him in a most satisfied manner, knowing that there was nothing in the world that could make him feel happier than in this very moment. Eren, who silently watched both men, raised his brows in confusion.

“No, please, no thunderstorm this time”, Erwin answered after he had finally stopped laughing, admitting indirectly that he really had wished for a thunderstorm during their hunt back then. “I prefer your company when you are all merry and cheerful, Dr. Ackerman.” He patted Levi's shoulder in a patronising manner and took another sip. He then suddenly leaned down and searched for Levi's gaze. “Did you dance already?”

“That would be an understatement!”, Eren burst out, who, by know, seemed to have come to the decision that these two men had had enough time on their own by now. “Believe me if I assure you that I have never seen Dr. Ackerman dance so much during one evening.”

“Don't be stupid, Eren”, Levi hissed, “I always dance at balls.”

The younger one gasped for air and opened his mouth in order to talk back, but changed his mind right after he had noticed the glare Levi was giving him. Unsure what to say, the boy's gaze kept wandering back and forth between Levi and Erwin. It did not surprise Levi much, since Eren had never seen his master acting in such a cheerful and casual manner with others.

From one second to another, the music stopped. The couples that had found distraction in dancing before separated and soon vanished between the others. It did not take long until the Middleton twins joined them, accompanied by Mike and Hange. The last dance had visibly heated her up and the fact that Eren had not only brought drinks for his master and his friend, but for himself as well, caused Hange to give a sigh of relief. Before the boy could say a word she had taken the glass away from him and emptied it within one gulp. Eren, who had previously clenched onto that glass like a drowning man watched the vanishing alcohol with a sad face. When she had finished drinking, she gave it back to him.

“Phew! Thank you, son”, she wheezed and smiled at Mike who was silently watching her. A subtle smile showed on the lips on that man who preferred it to remain silent rather than to talk. Levi looked over to the sisters, who were still standing close to the dance floor. They appeared as if they had liked to continue dancing, but had not been asked by anyone of the surrounding gentlemen.

“When are you doing request the next dance?”, Erwin asked casually and took a sip of his bowl. Levi, who now turned around and looked up to Erwin, solidified when he noticed the expression on that man's face. Their eyes met. Thereupon Levi emptied his glass and gave it to Eren.

“Now”, he said right away. Erwin followed his example and drank up.

“Good”, he replied.

They looked over to Hange's nieces, who were still standing there, all alone. For a moment they hesitated, then, on a signal that could neither be seen nor heard, they went over to them with rapid movements and bowed in front of the ladies.

“May I have the next dance, Miss Middleton?”, they asked simultaneously. The girls, who first eyed them with unhidden confusion finally started to giggle, obviously believing Erwin and Levi's way of handling things was a joke. Seconds later they accepted their offer.

Since the ball had started with calm melodies and tunes, they had become faster and wilder during the past hours and the laughter and shouting of the dancing crowd had grown louder as well. Contra dances, which were quite popular in the countryside – as well as in London itself, formed the majority of dances during that evening. Together they lined up.

“Shame on those who would feel reminded of the previous ball”, Erwin addressed Levi after a few seconds of silence without taking his eyes off the girls. Those were words which made Levi blush slightly, but as drunk as he was, he did not care any longer. With every glass he had emptied during the evening – and he had stopped counting them long ago – he had progressively overcome his inhibitions.

“Don't be ridiculous”, Levi mumbled. The music started playing and for three whole dances they remained in each other's company. It might have been that as men they were not able to choose each other as dancing partners, yet was it a certain characteristic of a contra dance that during the rapid movements and interactions even dancers of the same sex would hold each other's hands from time to time. It did not take long and Levi could see pictures of their waltz in front of his inner eye. He hardly spoke, at least not to the twins – Levi and Erwin had asked them so hastily that he could not even tell for sure with whom he was dancing in particular – and blocked every of their attempts to set up a decent conversation as polite as he could. But even though he acted so silently his face was glowing, his eyes sparkling, every movement covered in an aura the inhabitants of Brighthampton had not seen on their physician so far. He felt as if they were dancing on their own, as if they were the only couple on the dance floor, alone, far away from the curious looks of the high society. And whenever they touched each other passing by it struck him like thunder. The longer they remained like this, the faster and passionate they danced and before Levi had noticed it, he found himself dancing with a broad smile. He was filled with joy. Erwin seemed to feel the same and when the music finally stopped after their last dance, they were circling around arm in arm. With sounds of laughter they eventually stopped, like small children, completely out of breath yet obviously happy. Erwin approvingly slapped Levi's back, who placed his hands in his sides and gasped for breath. They exchanged a volatile look and a grin showed on Erwin's lips, that was enthusiastically replied by Levi himself.

“I hope your judgement of my dancing skills will differ from the first time”, Levi gasped, gaining a mocking smile from Erwin for this remark.

“I think it might be better I spare you my point of view to this topic then.”

Levi raised his hands and declined energetically.

“Yes, that might be better”, he replied and straightened up. “You know, to be honest, I don't care what you're thinking about that anyway.”

Once more Erwin's laughter could be heard. His eyes rested on Levi, when he suddenly solidified, carefully looking at the cravat Levi was wearing that night. With a knowing smile he stepped closer.

“This cravat you're wearing”, he started yet Levi interrupted him immediately.

“What's with that?”, he snapped.

“It reminds me of the one I sent to you a few weeks ago, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi raised his brows and examined his vis-á-vis in a way that would let Erwin's smile freeze after a few seconds. A disarming smile showed on Levi's lips.

“And rightly so”, was everything he would reply on Erwin's question. He then turned away to go. “I don't know what's with you, Smith, but I'm dying of thirst.”

He almost casually looked over to Hange and Eren, who were standing at the edge of the dance floor. They were staring at them with their mouths wide open.

“It seems like we flustered them with our behaviour”, Erwin mumbled to Levi while they left the baldachin together. A silent snort marked Levi's answer. “I assume they haven't seen you acting like this too often in the past.”

“Indeed, they haven't”, the physician replied.

Erwin was right. The last time where he had been in such high spirits was – Levi could not remember the exact time or date. Had it in fact ever happened before? He, who was a severe person from the bottom of his heart, who preferred work instead of idleness...

“Oh Levi”, he whispered to himself when he realised what joyless life he used to live and shook his head while they went over to the buffet. Erwin poured him two glasses with punch and handed one to Levi. They drank and looked over to their small group that was still remaining close to the dance floor. Only by now the Middleton girls reached their aunt. They did not appear happy at all.

“It was very impolite of us to leave them like that”, Erwin remarked drily and Levi nodded.

“It was. We should go back and apologise.”

“Yes, we should definitely do that.”

They looked at each other but neither of them got ready to go back. Silently they held their drinks and looked at the ground, over to the dancing couples and those who passed them, merry and laughing. Now, where they had stopped dancing, an unknown uncertainty had grabbed Levi, who suddenly did not know anymore how he could precede his conversation with Erwin. The commander as well appeared to struggle, yet he was the first one to break the silence in the end.

“I've made a discovery lately that I would like to show you”, he began and thoughtfully eyed the glass made of crystal in his hands, before he gazed over to Levi, who replied his look. “Only provided that you're interested.”

The physician's heartbeat accelerated. Erwin's words spread the magic of a secret that wanted to be revealed. His hands became moist. Whatever Erwin was up to, he had caught Levi's interest. He once more kissed the cup, and then nodded.

“I am interested”, he replied. “Show me.”

 

~*~

 

Hidden from Mike's watchful eyes they had sneaked away from the ball. They passed the water fountain and followed the path until they finally reached the glade where the duel had taken place. The moon up in the sky illuminated their way until she finally disappeared behind the treetops. Here, far away from the festivities and the other guests, the air was chillier and more humid than in proximity of Stenton Park. Here and there they could hear the sound of branches cracking underneath their feet and from time to time a bird cried out in the night, startled by their presence. Silently Levi walked behind Erwin who appeared to know exactly where he was going and forged ahead in the most determined manner, yet they hardly exchanged a word with each other. With every step they walked it grew darker, until Levi could hardly see his hands before his eyes anymore.

“Where are you leading me?”, he asked, his hands searchingly reached out in front of him, hunted by the fear to trip on a root and break his neck.

“We’re almost there”, the commander whispered. “It’s a located a little way away – I only found it during a walk not too long ago.” The sound of his voice indicated that he was smiling. “It was a fortunate coincidence, so therefore have a little patience with me, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Lieutenant Zacharias won’t be pleased to know that you once more sneaked away with me”, Levi continued and tried to let it sound casual. Doing so he watched the shadowy shades of the other, still not used to the fact of how huge this man actually was.

“Lieutenant Zacharias has a lot of business he has to mind himself, though.”

Erwin said this in a manner that underlined the fact that he would change neither his opinion nor his behaviour. There it was again, this silent self-confidence and ruthlessness that had Levi filled with so much anger in the beginning of their friendship. By now though, he felt slightly impressed by Erwin’s way of acting.

A few minutes later the trees grew thinner and the path they had been following lead them to a maze. Out of the blue the starry night sky stretched out over their heads and together with Erwin Levi stopped as well. Only now, where the chilly air filled their lungs and refreshed their spirits, Levi realised how drunk he actually was.

“Seems like Lieutenant Zacharias is taking good care of you”, Levi mumbled, who now looked up in the black sky that was interwoven with countless stars, sparkling like jewels in the sunlight. Erwin laughed gently and went forward.

“He has always been like this.”

“Is he older than you?”

The commander slowed down to allow Levi to catch up with him. He then thoughtfully folded his arms in front of his chest while his eyes sparkled in the darkness in a most amused manner.

“You need to know – I have not always been like this. When I was a child I used to be weak and sickly. I thus spent most of my spare time over my father’s books, reading.”

“Certainly you were the centre of every meeting with your fellow peers”, Levi joked and Erwin nodded.

“Indeed I was. It’s common knowledge how cruel children can be. I used to be the target of some evil boy’s pranks.” He lifted his index finger and pointed at Levi. “If it wasn’t for Lieutenant Zacharias my mother would not have let me out to play at all.”

“What did he do to prevent you from being teased?”, Levi asked in curiosity. He carefully looked at the other who finally started to grin mischievously.

“He beat up everyone that got too close to me.” The blonde burst out laughing and it sounded quite sincere. “And we used the knowledge I gained from my father’s books to give them a proper attrition.”

“You played tricks on others?”, Levi replied and snorted unbelievingly. “That’s something I can hardly imagine with you, Commander.”

“Well, you’re definitely wrong then.”

Without specifying what kind of pranks he did back then the expression of those who faced their past in front of their inner eye showed on his face, causing him to smile. His lips slightly open, Levi looked at him, when he suddenly realised that by now, Erwin was already talking to him in such an intimate manner as if they were old childhood friends.

“There it is”, Erwin’s voice suddenly sounded through the night. Surrounded by trees and shrubberies there was – a meadow. The physician furrowed his brow.

“You’re dragging me through the woods to show me some grass at night? Gee, you really are a drunken bastard.”

“Just like you, Dr. Ackerman”, Erwin smirked, causing Levi to raise his head and to look at the blonde commander directly. Whenever a smile showed on his lips, Erwin, who usually acted stiff and severe, appeared remarkably merry tonight. This man was a person with endless facets and Levi could not stop staring at him. When Erwin suddenly raised his arm, pointing towards the other end of the maze, Levi winced next to him.

“Look closer”, he whispered and Levi obeyed his request. In the moonlight, framed by trees, a small arbour hid in the green. It was only a little bigger than the shelter they had ended up during the thunderstorm, and painted all white. Obviously satisfied, Erwin took a deep breath and headed toward the small building. Levi followed. When they arrived at the arbour, Erwin took out a key and opened the door. Thereupon they stepped inside. Through huge, plain windows the moonlight fell in the middle of the room, covering everything in its milky shimmer. The place itself was tiny and yet it offered enough space for the task that had once been granted to it. The walls were covered with bookshelves, filled until the very last inch with leather bound books. Heavy Persian carpets were lying on the ground. There was a small chimney, leather wing-back armchair and furthermore a white lacquered desk. Here and there Levi could see plaids and all kinds of bric-a-brac, little lanterns that were only waiting to be enlightened. While Levi was still standing next to the door, letting it all sink in, Erwin had already stepped into the middle of the room, taken out a box of matches and started to light the candles. When Levi realised that the door still stood wide open he turned around and grabbed the door knob.

“It’s quieter than in the main building”, Erwin continued nevertheless, “and since recently I’ve been coming here quite often in order to get my work done.”

Levi could hear the sound of the igniting match stick. For a second only the room was filled with light, then, suddenly, it went dark again, accompanied by Erwin’s silent swearing.

“Just give me a second until I made some light”, he muttered and tried once more, while Levi’s fingers still held the knob. About to close the door, Levi noticed a small bolt that could be used to lock the room. He hesitated for a second, uncertain what to think, then raised his brows and bit his inner lip. His heartbeat accelerated. Then, suddenly, there was another hissing before warm light finally illuminated the room. Levi heard Erwin, who expressed his success with a soft cheering sound, saw the warm light that now covered everything around them, yet he could not help himself but to stare at the bolt as if hypnotised. From one moment to another, his hands felt damp. His breath started to tremble.

“Say, Smith…”, he began reluctantly.

“Yes?”

“I can hardly imagine that people come here by often.”

“No, no”, Erwin replied casually, “it was a nice coincidence that I found it after all.” According to the sounds that accompanied his talking he had started to put away scattered documents and books. “It’s so far away from everything. But it’s really nice and cosy here, don’t you think so?”

“Indeed it is.”

Levi looked at his hand, then at the bolt and had suddenly made up his mind. With an aimed movement he closed the door and locked it. Then he turned around and looked over to Erwin, who had now begun to lighten the remaining candles with a stick. Startled by the noise he had stopped moving and silently replied Levi’s look in dim light that surrounded them. For a second neither of them dared to move. Slowly, his eyes still resting on Levi, Erwin placed the candle he had been holding on the desk and let his arms sink. It was obvious that Erwin understood what this was all about. There was no need to explain.

Slowly, Levi stepped closer toward the other. Thereby he reached for his neck and loosened his cravat, before he removed it with a casual gesture and let it fall to the ground. He appeared calm yet his heart was beating heavily in his chest. And Erwin’s eyes, which had silently watched him so far, suddenly showed the same warmth they had been inherent when they met for the first time. He looked at the physician as if someone had just offered him a most unexpected present, when Levi stopped in front of him. Silently Erwin reached for his face and held it before he leaned down to kiss him. This time there was no holding back. Seeking support, Levi’s fingers clenched into the fabric of the red dress uniform. He leaned his head to the side, when Erwin’s lips went down his cheek, searching for his neck and gasped silently when they had finally found their target. He felt hot, yet he soon realised that this was not related to the humid summer heat. Demandingly, his hands slid over the red fabric, touching the other’s chest, before they cleaved a way past Erwin’s shirt and finally touching naked skin. When they stopped kissing, their faces remained close. The soldier’s gaze rested on Levi’s face, whose fingers tenderly caressed the smooth and warm skin. Erwin looked as if he was still waiting for one last confirmation, as if he was scared to ruin it all if he approached him too fast now. And so, Levi took his hand, placed it on his chest and invitingly slipped Erwin’s fingers underneath his dress shirt. He did not miss the shiver that went through Erwin’s body and how the way Erwin looked at him suddenly changed. The raw, insatiable hunger of a man that had been waiting for too long sparkled in his eyes. Erwin must have been longing to touch him from very first moment on. For a sheer infinite amount of time they looked at each other, before Levi grabbed Erwin’s shirt and pulled him close.

“Touch me”, he whispered impatiently, drowning in these blue eyes, which now showed the satisfaction of a triumph that was long overdue. A thin smile showed on both their lips, before they sealed them once more in another kiss.

 

~*~

 

He was lying on the ground, naked. Only a blanket made of white wool covered his body. What had just happened before still felt like a dream. With eyes, glassy from all the alcohol he looked at the ceiling, on which the dim light of the candles kept throwing dancing shadows. From time to time strands of black hair shifted into his face, only to be tucked behind his ears with a volatile gesture. His mind was empty, but not in the same painful way he had to endure after his fall. Instead comfortable warmth filled his chest, together with feelings of safety and cosiness he had believed to be lost since his early childhood days.

An arm reached around his body and pulled him against a well-build, warm chest, before somebody breathed a kiss against his neck. Levi hummed a sound of pleasure and closed his eyes. Like two starving animals they had clenched to each other, two men who must have waited way too long to be alone with each other. Erwin had not acted like someone who was not familiar with love between men and if Levi was honest with himself, he had not been surprised at all. Noiselessly he turned around in the soldier’s arms, before he placed his head in the others arm bends and his hand on Erwin’s chest. Thereby he searched for Erwin’s eyes. In fact they had to return to the ball, since it was most likely that – at least Mike – was already looking for them, but both were not in the mood for reasonable behaviour. Only a few minutes more was everything Levi could think in this very moment, while he silently watched the blonde, in whose gaze a slight melancholy had appeared. Levi raised his brows.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked in a low voice, but Erwin only shook his head. Instead of answering him, he tenderly tucked a few strands of hair behind Levi’s ears, before he pressed his lips against Levi’s forehead.

“Nothing”, he whispered against Levi’s skin. “I’ve never been more fortunate than in this very moment.”

With these words he wrapped his arms even tighter around Levi, who was almost completely covered by the sheer mass of the other. Levi, who had decided to forget about his past, believed him. Lost in thoughts he let his fingertips slide over Erwin’s chest. He remained like this, until he felt an unevenness that caught his attention. Filled with curiosity he straightened up a little and discovered a scar not far away from Erwin’s collar bone. The wound had not closed before too long and so the tissue was still rosy and fresh. Most certainly it was the point where the bullet of the English infantryman had pierced him back in Spain. Suddenly, Levi’s stomach tightened into a knot and he felt hot and cold all at once. His expression must have spoken for himself, since Erwin looked very severe all at once.

“This scar”, Levi mumbled silently and could not take his eyes off of it. “Does it still hurt?”

The soldier tried to smile and shook his head.

“Only a little.”

Once more Levi reached out but stopped himself before his fingers touched the other’s skin. He wanted to touch him so badly, perceive him with all his senses, but he was afraid to cross a line if he did.

“May I?”, he whispered and the blonde granted him his wish. Without saying a single word, Levi’s finger felt the rosy scar and with every second he remained like this, an unfamiliar sadness showed in his gaze. Erwin had always appeared so strong and powerful. Knowing that someone had fired a bullet at him and to see this wound with his very own eyes were two completely different stories. Following an inner impulse, Levi leaned forward and breathed a kiss against the spot.

“Levi”, Erwin wheezed and carefully touched the back of Levi’s head, who would not allow the other to interrupt him. When he straightened up again, his eyes were nothing but an angry glare.

“If somebody dares to touch you again, I swear”, he managed a growl, before a storm of emotions hit him so hard he could not handle them. Visibly overstrained he interrupted himself and clenched his hands into fists. The thought alone that something terrible could happen to this man he considered precious and dear by now scared him to an extend he would not have considered possible. When he spoke again, his voice had started to tremble. “I will make sure that this person will never feel happiness again. I-“

“Levi”, Erwin whispered once more, yet with more emphasis than the first time. The physician interrupted himself and raised his head. Erwin’s eyes rested on him in a mollifying manner and the hint of a smile showed around his lips. Again and again his fingers caressed Levi’s skin. “Calm down. I’m here. And I’m doing well. There is no need to be scared.”

“Yes.”

Levi nodded timidly and sank back into Erwin’s arms. For a moment he closed his eyes. The warmth and the heartbeat of the other, they calmed him down and comforted him. According to him, they could have stayed like this forever. Just like this, arm in arm, at one with themselves; he would be able to find peace and freedom this way.

 

When Levi opened his eyes for the next time, even though he could not say what it was, something had changed. Without moving he gazed around. He was still lying in the arms of the man he had sneaked away with from the evening society only hours before. Erwin’s eyes were still closed. He was breathing deep and regular and the blonde hair that was usually neatly combed, was dishevelled. Next to them Levi discovered parts of their wardrobe, which had been scattered carelessly in the whole room. The red uniform jacked hung over a chair’s backrest, next to it, on the ground, Levi’s white cravat. Through the windows the warm shine of the rising morning sun fell into the room and covered everything in a golden, rich yellow. Levi smiled a volatile smile and closed his eyes once more. It would be a nice summer day; there was no doubt about that. A nice, warm summer day.

Suddenly, his face went blank. His eyes widened and once more he looked out of the window. It was almost broad day. They had fallen asleep. The ball – by now it was most certainly already over. Feeling restless and awake all at once, he sat up, suddenly waving back and forth due to the residual alcohol that was still rushing through his veins. Blinking, he managed it to stop and waited for the dizziness to fade.

“Erwin.”

Next to him he could hear a tired humming. Levi looked down at the older and grabbed his shoulder, shaking him softly until he finally opened his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked still sleepy and let his gaze wander around, until honest understanding finally showed in his face as well. “We fell asleep”, he remarked drily.

“Yes.”

“What time is it?”

“I don’t know. But the sun is only about to rise.”

“God damn it. Mike will definitely give me a proper telling off”, Erwin remarked more to himself than to Levi. The blonde man stood up. Thereby the white blanket that had formerly covered him shifted from his body and remained on the ground. He grabbed his dress shirt and pulled it over his head, before he insistently touched Levi on his shoulder. 

“Get dressed”, he said and his voice would not allow any objection. “We have to return immediately.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been full of life. Therefore this will be dedicated to Erwin Smith. You've fought well, my dear. Your loss will leave a huge gap until the end of the Manga. And I hope you won't have to wait too long for Levi to join you. 
> 
> What else to say. The fandom is in war - or has been a few weeks ago; I dropped out of tumblr and such because I couldn't stand all the salt. Isayama making Eruri canon before tearing them apart. And I sit here and give them happiness, love and alcohol. For those who haven't noticed yet - alcohol is an important detail of all of my fanfictions. Cheers!
> 
> I just want to make clear that everything that's about to happen from now on has been scheduled and written down in october 2015. So there is no influence by current manga chapters. This goes for the relationship between Erwin and Levi as well as for the relationship of Levi and Eren. 
> 
> As usual, have a list of things I liked about this chapter:  
> \- the heat  
> \- the tension  
> \- poor Eren getting pushed around  
> \- Hanji and Mike dancing unconventional but expressive!  
> \- these awkward flirting attempts  
> \- Drunk!win being at ease and absolutely clueless when Levi asks whether people come by often  
> \- that both could be a little on their own in the end  
> \- Levi finally showing what tender and devoted person he really is
> 
> Did anybody notice how RUDE they acted towards the Middleton girls? I feel a little sorry for them :D
> 
> So next chapter would be in two weeks. It has about 8000 words though, and I'll be visiting my beta next week. There will be a convention. I have to write down the next German SmdS chapter. And I have to update the drumfire letters as well. I will try to make it in time, but I can't guarantee. I'll do my best!
> 
> BTW, adding the links to the ballvideos to this chapter once more made me realise that Mr. Darcy and Dr. Ackerman would probably get along quite well with each other :D
> 
> "This ball sucks." "...agree."
> 
> For those who were following me on my Twitter and have been kicked - I'm sorry. I changed it to a private account for my closest friends, since I've been writing about a lote of private stuff recently. I created a public account though, for all my SnK trash and further updates. Just in case you want to follow:  
> http://twitter.com/herrkirschbaum
> 
> Same goes for Patreon~
> 
> Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been an honour.  
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	12. The Letter

They were lucky. When the silhouettes of Stenton Park could finally be seen over meadows and fields the last few guests were just about to board their horse carriages. Their drunken and still energetic shouting could be heard up to the tree framed water fountain, remainings of a roaring fest that had lasted until the early morning hours.

Levi and Erwin stopped, their boots moist up to the ankles from the morning dew. Here, on the top of a grassy hill, covered with trees, it was easy to observe the entrance area, since they would be hidden behind thick, massive oak trunks. Silently they looked down at each other. They could only hope that nobody would notice the signs of the past night, their hastily tied cravats and sloppy arranged hair. Levi had rarely gotten dressed in such a fast manner and secretly he hoped that it would be the only time for now and forever.

He took a deep breath, corrected the fit of his dress shirt and flattened the crème waistcoat with the palm of his hands. Even though he felt happy over everything that had occurred to him during the ball, there was also a certain anxiety, tightening his stomach into a knot. One last time he let his gaze wander over the fields that now appeared familiar to him, even though he had not recognised them in the pitch black night. Then he looked up to Erwin, who himself had silently eyed Levi in the meantime. The merry light heartedness that had filled them during the night of the ball faded with every second they stood on top of the hill. Their preliminary farewell was approaching, and it approached too fast.

“That’s it then”, Levi muttered. “Who would have guessed that this night would end so soon?”

The commander nodded. He then leaned forward, only stopping when his forehead eventually touched Levi’s.

“Be unconcerned”, he whispered and stole himself one last, tender kiss. “We will meet again before too long.”

“There is no reason for me to be concerned, Smith.” Levi, who let Erwin caress him without any resistance, gave a silent sound of amusement. “I would have to tie you up in your basement to get rid of you once and for all.”

“Do you seriously think that would save you?”

They laughed together. Once more Erwin’s thumbs slid over Levi’s reddish cheeks, before they wandered down Levi’s neck, only to carefully adjust the white cravat that had once been his very own.

The sudden sound of a whip brought them back to reality without mercy. Together they gazed over to the entrance and discovered a carriage that was set in motion and gently swung back and forth with every of the horse’s steps.

“Come”, said Erwin and let Levi go. “They might be waiting for us already.”

The attempt to sneak back into the estate via the usual way along the water fountain and the veranda turned out to be hopeless. The baldachin had already been removed and the huge wing doors were locked. Neither of them said a word, but the worries that filled their hearts could almost be reached with bare hands. Forced to use the official entrance they climbed the spacious stone staircase and headed to the huge wooden door, when somebody suddenly pulled it open. It was Hange. She was already fully dressed, wearing her coat and the gloves, and her hairstyle, which by now had again fully fallen apart, covered her shoulders in chestnut brown waves. Her glassy gaze clearly indicated that she had tasted too much of the bowl in their absence. Obviously tired she eyed Levi and Erwin, when she finally realised who stood in front of her. In an instant, her face lightened up.

“There you are!”, she yelled and Levi bit his his bottom lip in order to hide how unwelcome this encounter was to him. Before he could reply anything she raised her index finger, signalised both men to wait and eventually turned her back on them.

“Mike!”, she started to shout and both Levi and Erwin turned pale. Erwin stepped closer to her and raised both of his hands, apparently hoping to make her fall silent this way, but since she could not see him this gesture remained without effect. “Eren! You can stop searching, I’ve finally found them!”

Her voice echoed noisily from the walls. She turned back at them and folded her arms in front of her chest in the most satisfied manner.

“You were looking for us?”, Levi asked tonelessly and gave Erwin a meaningful look. They had revealed themselves. There was no doubt about that.

“Of course!”, Hange replied and let her gaze wander back and forth between both men. “How could you two dare to disappear without a single word? Where in god’s name have you been?”

Levi raised his brows and stared at her, unable to reply something. Next to him, Erwin gently pointed at his chest.

“I was struggling with my wound, Hange”, he began and gave his friend from childhood days a friendly smile. “Dr. Ackerman was so kind to examine my old injuries. There was no need to cause you or Mike any sorrow, so I decided to withdraw until I felt better. He indeed took good care of me.”

With a blank face, Levi looked over to Erwin. He had never thought that this man was able to lie in such a blunt and obvious manner and he had to admitt that he was impressed. But in the end, it worked. Hange’s eyes widened in shock and before they knew it, she had stepped closer to Erwin.

“My goodness”, she whispered breathlessly and carefully touched the soldier’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you say anything? Do you feel better by now? Maybe you should take it slowly today, you never know, right?”

Erwin reached for her hand and squeezed it tenderly, before he removed it from his shoulder. Every of his movements showed a certain calmness that seemed to weaken Hange’s worries.

“Thanks to Dr. Ackerman I feel excellent, be unconcerned.”

“He sure is a skilful physician.”

“Indeed he is.”

Hasty steps of two approaching persons sounded in the entrance hall. It did not take long before Eren appeared, followed by Mike. Eren was already prepared for their return to Brighthampton. In his hands he held furthermore Levi’s hat and his thin summer coat. When he noticed his master a relieved expression showed on his face.

“Sir, I was indeed honestly worried about you”, he started, but Levi shook his head to hush him.

“There was no reason for that at all”, he replied and took back his garments. Mike, who had treated Levi polite, yet with more distance than usual during the past evening, did not pay him any attention and focussed on Erwin. It was hard for Levi to read the expression of the ash blonde man, but something told him that Erwin had overdone it in Mike’s point of view. Erwin though appeared tired and behind the mask of cheerfulness he was wearing Levi could clearly see the tension that filled both of them right now in light of their current situation.

“Erwin”, Levi whispered, but the other did not respond.

“Well, now where we are fully gathered”, Hange joined and clapped her hands in such an energetic manner that Eren behind her almost jumped in the air, “we can finally return to Brighthampton. I’m dog-tired.”

“Where are the twins?”, asked Levi, who now placed the hat on his head and put on his coat.

“They are already waiting in the carriage.”

“In the carriage?”, Levi replied not without surprise. “For how long?”

“Long enough”, said Hange, whose voice sounded snappier with every word. She nodded toward the last remaining carriage. Levi sighed and placed his palm on his stomach that had started to hurt due to the current developments. He could now claim for himself that he had successfully reached a new level of discourtesy. Once more he looked up at Erwin, who still stared straight ahead. He had loved to give him a proper farewell, something that reached beyond the usual ritualised empty phrases, but since they were surrounded by their friends and family, this was utterly impossible.

“It might be better if we leave right away”, was everything Levi could say. He straightened up, first nodding towards Mike, then to Erwin. “Gentlemen”, he began and tapped his fingertips against the brim of his hat. “I hereby bid my farewell. Thank you very much for this marvellous evening. Lieutenant Zacharias. Commander Smith.” He turned around. “Eren, come.”

Seconds later they boarded the carriage and Hange was proven right. Leaning against each other the twins had already fallen asleep. Levi, who helped Hange getting into the carriage and let Eren go first after that, sank with a sigh on one of the window seats. Remaining silent he leaned against the black painted window frame. Now, where the shock of being caught slowly faded, fatigue overwhelmed him as well.

With a swing the carriage departed. Eren, who sat between him and Hange, eventually sagged against him and leaned his head against Levi’s shoulders. Knowing that Eren was not yet asleep, Levi allowed him to stay like this. Through the window he could see Erwin and Mike, who still stood close to the wing door, talking to each other. Erwin gesticulated in an emphatic manner and even Mike, who was usually the calmest person on earth, underlined his words every now and then with an energetic hand movement. While the carriage passed them for the last time, Erwin turned away and disappeared inside the building, followed by Mike only seconds later.

Silently Levi placed his hands in his lap. Heavy as lead these pictures remained in his mind. In contrary to the others he would not find any sleep until they reached Brighthampton.

  
  


~*~

  
  


Three days after, the day of the twins’ return to London had finally arrived. Levi, who, after all, had become something like a close confidant to the girls, had agreed to accompany them together with Hange and Eren to the coaching inn. Armin was missing; he had already said goodbye to the girls on the night of the ball.

By now Levi had not been able to forget the pictures of Erwin and Mike at the staircase. Due to that, he treated Eren less severe than he used to, and had even allowed the boy to accompany him without hesitation. When Levi now looked at his pupil, who walked next to him with a broad smile, the physician knew he had made the right decision. In his arms Eren carried a basket filled with supplies for the journey. It would be his last period of carelessness. After the girls had left, his life would be nothing but hard work. Exams were around the corner, but still – Eren was not a child anymore. And maybe, Levi knew that, the time where he should grant him more freedom had finally come.

With furrowed brows, Levi looked at his boots. He then, suddenly, pulled a disgusted face. The good weather that had enabled the summer ball at Stenton Park had finally vanished, giving them one thunderstorm after another since then. The rain had turned the streets and alleys of Brighthampton into muddy paths, since only a few of them were actually paved. And so Levi’s boots, which were made from black leather, now shimmered in a dirty, sludgy brown.

“Disgusting”, he muttered but nobody took notice of his anger. Hange, who had gathered up her skirt and approached energetically, kept talking to the girls in the most emphatic manner.

“Don’t speak with strangers. Don’t discuss details of your route in the presence of people you don’t know. And take care of your belongings, will you? Don’t carry them all at the same place. And once you arrived send me a message right away, so that I will know that you made it back home safely.”

Levi looked up from his boots and approached the girls.

“Hange”, he began with in a grumpy tone, “they have somehow managed it to travel to Brighthampton so it can be considered that they will somehow make it home safely as well.”

“We’re also not children anymore”, sang Fiona, who was going arm in arm with her aunt. Hange shook her head.

“Still”, she replied. “I do not understand why your father will not send his carriage to pick you up, where today’s roads are such dangerous ones.”

“Today’s roads are not more dangerous than those ten years ago. He might be a busy man and needs the carriage himself?”, Levi suggested next to her, but Hange, whose lips were decorated with a gentle smiled, ignored him skilfully.

“However”, she started and folded her arms in front of her chest, “everybody needs their small adventures from time to time, am I right? I, myself, am not free from those desires. Back in my days-“

“Grandmother was worried about you all the time”, the girls interrupted her and giggled merrily after. Their aunt smiled tenderly.

“Promise me that you will take good care of yourselves, girls”, she said.

“We most certainly will”, Fiona replied. “Of course”, Sophia joined her sister.

They arrived at the coaching inn. It was a long half-timbered house, which, at the same time, offered the town’s only lodge. In front of the house half a dozen carriages could be seen. Some of them were about to be loaded; others had just arrived at the station and were still fully packed, surrounded by those who had just gotten off the vehicle cabin. Around Levi and his companions there was hustle and bustle. People of every age and every gender surrounded them, saying goodbye to their loved ones or cheering over a long longed reunion. It was noisy and busy. Laughter and whining filled the air, accompanied by the roaring of the coachmen and the horses' sniffing. It was a place where someone would feel nervous and uneasy, a place that reminded everyone of departure and parting.

“Here we are”, Hange sighed and took the basket away from Eren to hand it over to the girls right after.

“I’ll take care of the luggage”, said Eren, who took the two leather trunks and had disappeared in the crowd only seconds later. Levi looked after him, hoping silently that Eren would not hand the trunks to the wrong coachmen by accident and whirled around as the girls' voices suddenly sounded behind him.

“Dr. Ackerman, you will come and visit us in London together with Mr. Jaeger, will you?”

“If I can afford some spare time I will probably pay London a visit before too long”, Levi replied politely and kept secret that he would never abandon his work voluntarily for such a long time, only to visit two young teenage girls.

“Aunt, how about you?”, they turned over to Hange. A broad smile appeared on her face, just in the moment when Eren returned with empty hands.

“Be unconcerned”, she answered, waving her hand up and down in a most casual manner. “You shall meet me again no later than September. I have already sent a letter to your father that announced my visit.”

Not far away from them the shouts of the coachmen could be heard, informing the fellow travellers that it was about time to board the carriage. A remarkable huge woman and very small man passed Levi and the others and disappeared into the vehicle cabin.

“If you want to sit close to the window you should hurry my dears”, Hange said not without melancholy filling her voice, obviously not amused about letting her nieces travel on their own. The girls gave their aunt a long, tight hug. They remained like this for quite a while, until they finally separated from each other and said goodbye to Levi and Eren as well. Seconds later, they boarded the carriage, which departed shortly after. At the opened window they girls' faces appeared.

“Thank you for everything!”, they shouted and raised their hands. “Goodbye! We will meet you again in London!”

They waved at each other. Together Levi and the others looked at the girls until the carriage had disappeared in the distance. Hange, who had been weaving with her handkerchief, let her arms sink in the end. For a moment the broad smile that was so typical for her disappeared from her face.

“It sure is a pity they had to return already”, she sighed silently and stowed the handkerchief away in her neckline. “My home will be so empty without them.” Her eyes sparkled wet of tears.

“It will definitely be quieter than before”, Levi agreed. From the corners of his eyes he looked over to Eren, who stared straight ahead with a sad expression. It was Hange who placed her arms around his shoulders and sincerely pressed him against her breast.

“Don’t make such a face”, she said tenderly. Eren gave his foster father a desperate look and tried to free himself from her grip, but it was no good. “I will take you with me to London so you can meet again in September.” The boy stopped struggling in an instant. An enthusiastic shimmer had appeared in his eyes as Hange had barely finished her sentence.

“Really?!”, he burst out and Hange laughed sincerely.

“But only provided that our beloved Doctor will allow it. He certainly wants you to see the world before you are old and grey, am I right?”

Split seconds later Eren had freed himself and stood next to him. Filled with excitement his eyes rested on the physician. Eren, who knew London only from his foster father’s narrations, was head over heels over the possibility to see this city with his own eyes.

“Sir”, he began and his voice almost cracked, “Sir, may I?”

Levi eyed the boy who, now waiting for an answer, clenched his hands into fists. For a few seconds he considered Hange’s offer, then rolled his eyes and nodded.

“If you really want to go, fine”, he said, raised his hand and let his fingers casually slid through the brown hair. He then turned to go. “Though I will only allow it if you pass your exams with satisfying results.”

Behind him occurred a merry cry of triumph, causing Hange to laugh her characteristic laughter. Sudden steps forced their way through the mud. Seconds later Eren had caught up with Levi, who was already leading the way.

“Be unconcerned!”, he shouted, a broad smile written all over his face, causing Levi to raise his brows in amusement.

“That would be the first time, Eren.”

“No, really”, Eren proceeded and sounded slightly offended. “This time I will definitely pass them all!”

“All?”

Levi gave the boy a volatile look. Eren nodded with emphasis.

“At my first attempt!”

Shaking his head, Levi started to smile. He reached for the brim of his hat and corrected its fit.

“Good”, he replied and his face showed a promising expression. “I will tell your teacher that we will increase your number of hours. You had some spare time on Sundays, if I remember that correctly.”

“What?”, gasped his protégé, who solidified in horror so suddenly that he almost fell over his own feet.

“Nothing can be created out of nothing, Eren.”

“Sir, you are joking, right?”

Levi refused to answer and wordlessly walked his way. Eren followed him, his arms flailing.

“Not on the day of the lord. You do not mean it, do you? Sir?”

The smile on Levi’s face intensified and even Hange’s laughter that joined their conversation by now, sounded louder the more excited Eren acted. Even though the times were a changing, Levi had barely felt so light hearted. Filled with silent satisfaction, he looked over his shoulder and eyed his companions. In this mood they returned back home.

  
  


~*~

  
  


They brought Hange back and headed downtown afterwards. There were some things Levi wanted to purchase and furthermore attend to appointments that could not be postponed any longer. In the end they visited the nearby pharmacy where Levi could finally receive the bottle of opium he had been waiting for for so long. After that they made their way back. When their house could finally be seen at the end of the street, Levi noticed a black horse carriage that had been parked close to the garden gate that led to the main entrance.

“Sir, look”, Eren said, who carried the purchases for Levi. He nodded and furrowed his brows.

“We don’t have any further patients today, have we?”, he asked carefully.

“None that I know of.”

“You would have written them down for me otherwise, am I right?”

“Of course, Sir. Who could that be?”

“I don’t know.” Levi adjusted the fit of his clothes and ran his fingers through his hair. “Let’s go over and find out.”

A few minutes later they entered the court through the small garden door. Eren had barely closed it behind them when Levi noticed two gentlemen, who were standing in front of the entrance door, obviously waiting for his return. The unannounced visitors were none other than Erwin Smith and Mike Zacharias. A smile appeared on Levi’s lips, who had by no means, expected to see them both – especially Erwin – again so soon. His steps accelerated when he climbed the small staircase that led to the entrance door.

“Lieutenant Zacharias”, he greeted the tall man, just to address his companion right after. “Commander Smith.” Their eyes met, but it was the expression in Erwin’s gaze, that wiped the smile out of Levi’s face in an instant. Mike, who appeared as severe as his friend, was the one who answered.

“Dr. Ackerman”, he began and stepped closer to him, “please excuse our unannounced appearance.” The giant acted in a reserved manner, but not as cold as the physician had expected after the ball and the missing signature.

“You will have your reasons”, Levi replied reluctantly, who struggled to guess why these two men paid him a visit. Something told him that medical advice was not the reason but they also did not appear as if they had come to find distraction in the physician’s company. Levi passed them and opened the door. “I don’t know what you want to discuss with me, but my court is certainly the wrong place for such an undertaking. Follow me inside, please. Eren, accompany the gentlemen to the salon while I bring the purchases to the treatment room.”

Eren, who appeared just as clueless as his foster father, nodded shyly. He handed the bags over to Levi, who disappeared with them to the treatment room, where he hastily stowed them away. It was that kind of work he usually gave to Eren, but the sinister distance both men had shown to him had unsettled him so much that he needed a few seconds on his own. He had to collect himself before he returned to the salon. Silently he watched his hands, the knuckles and slender fingersthat had been taken over by a slight trembling. Like back then, when Erwin had challenged him to a duel, an ominous foreboding filled his chest, even though he did not know why. Was their visit the consequence for them disappearing secretly from the ball last week? Had Erwin broken his promise and told Mike? Nobody was ever supposed to know about them. And Levi did not want to be depending on a person he did hardly know and who he did not understand at all.

He went back to the corridor and hesitated, when his gaze struck the mirror he had once hung up here. A pale, slender man was standing there, whose steel grey eyes stared back, silently seeking for help. Slowly he raised his hand, letting his fingertips slid over his cheek. He then took a deep breath and straightened up, before he opened the door that led to the salon and entered.

Both visitors stood in the middle of the room. None of them had taken a seat. Levi noticed Mike who was standing right behind the arm chairs. Next to him, leaning against the piano, there was Erwin. Their eyes met for an instant, but then Erwin lowered his gaze. In Levi’s chest something painfully tightened into a knot. He needed to know what was going on.

“Don’t you want to sit down?”, he suggested, uncertain how to start a conversation. He pointed at the sofa. “Commander Smith? Unless you don’t want to entertain us with your piano play there is no reason to hide back there.”

Erwin, who was staring at the ground smiled wanly, raised his head and, for a short moment, looked over to Levi. He appeared as if he wanted to say something, but Mike anticipated him.

“Thank you very much, Dr. Ackerman”, he began, “but this will not be necessary.”

Levi nodded shortly before he turned around and looked for Eren, who was not in the salon. He had probably gone over to the kitchen in order to prepare the tea. Levi bit his bottom lip and clenched his hands into fists. Silently he looked at Mike’s severe face, then to Erwin, but he had turned away once more. His lips forming only a thin line, the soldier’s finger tips slid over the surface of Levi’s piano.

“How can I help you, gentlemen?”, Levi asked eventually, when the tension had reached an intensity he could not take any longer.

“We did not come to inquire for your help”, Mike replied calmly. Levi’s throat suddenly felt dry. His heartbeat accelerated.

Mike knew it.

Would he challenge him to a duel once more? Levi swallowed and stepped closer.

“If this is the case”, he replied, “what brings you here?”

Erwin turned away from the piano and straightened up. His face showed the same, mask-like expression he had worn during the duel. But something was different. A certain melancholy filled the ice blue eyes, which were resting on Levi’s face.

“We came to say goodbye, Dr. Ackerman”, Erwin said silently.

Levi, who first thought he had misheard the commander’s words, gasped for air. Time seemed to stand still for a moment.

“I beg your pardon?”, he asked. With every word that left his lips his voice progressively lost its strength.

“We appreciate the cordialities which were offered to us by the inhabitants of this lovely little town”, Erwin proceeded, “but the circumstances demand our return to London.”

Levi’s heart stopped beating for a second. Feeling dizzy, he stared at the blonde man, whose hands progressively clenched tighter around the wooden piano lid. His tendons showed through the pale skin. Levi, though, could only hear the sound of his blood flushing through his veins. An ice cold chill spread in his stomach. His knees felt weak. His eyes standing wide open he could not help himself but to stare at the other, who calmly replied his gaze.

“What kind of circumstances are those, if I may ask?”, Levi muttered, but it was Mike who answered.

“Family reasons, Dr. Ackerman. Commander Smith as well as myself have been absent from our family business for too long as for us to justify to stay here much longer. Considering our military oath the letter requesting our return to London arrived this morning.”

In silent displeasure Levi pulled a wry face. He wanted Mike to leave his house immediately, but of course he would not mention it. Slowly he nodded, feeling strangely stiff doing so. Mike’s words might have reached him, but he found himself unable to realise their full meaning. He tried to swallow, but his throat was too dry. This could only be a nightmare. This was not really happening.

“Do you already know the date of your return?”, he asked without any noticeable hope in his voice. He did not miss the fact that Erwin’s face darkened due to his question and a pain that took him the air to breathe suddenly filled his chest.

“There is none so far”, was everything Mike replied to Levi’s question. The physician nodded and took a deep breath. He felt as if someone had placed his hands around his neck. He could not breathe.

“That is… unfortunate”, he whispered and kept staring at Erwin, hoping, he would do something, anything, to change this situation for the better. “Do you have something to say to this, Commander Smith?”

Erwin hesitated. His hands had clenched to fists.

“When duty calls we have to obey, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi did not understand what the soldier wanted to say with these words. And he slowly realised that there was nothing he could do that would prevent them from following their plan to leave Brighthampton, and knowing this filled him with a desperation he could hardly stand. He, who had replied Erwin’s look until this point, now lowered his head and stared at the ground. So these were their true intentions. Nobody had ever wanted to confront him about his relationship to Erwin. It was even worse. They gave him a sudden farewell without the chance of a soon return. And London was so far away. Who knew when they would be able to meet again?

When Levi raised his head again his face was blank.

“Well”, he began and cleared his throat, “I hope you could spend a nice time in Brighthampton, then.”

“A very nice time indeed”, Mike answered and nodded. He appeared very severe as well. He was no idiot. He noticed the reluctance and pain that filled the air, but he did not let it show. “It does not happen quite often that duellists become friends.”

A thin smile appeared on his lips, since he referred to the argument that marked the beginning of their friendship. He gave Levi one last nod, then placed the hat he had been holding in his hands for the whole time on his head and turned himself to go. He pointed Erwin to follow his example, and Erwin did as he was told.

“If you would excuse us now”, Mike said, “but we have to leave soon when we want to reach Bath before nightfall.”

In this very moment the door to the kitchen was opened and Eren entered. In his hands he carried a serving tray with a tea service and stopped immediately, when noticed that nobody had sit down so far. A bittersweet melancholy filled the room, so thick that even Eren could not miss it.

“Sir, the tea”, he mumbled uncertainly.

“That won’t be necessary, Eren”, Levi replied. “The gentlemen were just about to leave. Please escort them to the door.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Eren placed the tray on the side table and accompanied Mike who led the way, outside. Erwin, who was still standing next to the piano, followed his friend with a certain distance and passed Levi, who, before he had realised it, had reached out for him, grabbing the soldier’s wrist. Not willed to let him go he held him like this, forcing the other to stop. Without saying a word he looked at Levi. Everything on him, his eyes, every movement in this characteristic face, asked for forgiveness.

“Levi”, he whispered and interrupted himself. Even he seemed to lack the right words. Levi’s heart felt so heavy. How much would he have liked to pull Erwin close, begging him not to go. But holding him like this, in this non-binding, friendly way, was everything he was allowed to do in such a situation, without risking both their reputation.

“You asked me for my summer”, Levi whispered bitterly, “and now you want to tell me that you shirk your responsibility just like this?”

Erwin silently shook his head. He eyed the physician, as if he was trying to memorize every millimetre of his face. He appeared to be struggling with himself, fighting the urge to follow his heart and show what he truly felt inside. He opened his mouth, but before he could say a word the sound of the entrance door opening sounded behind them. They were running out of time. Fear filled Levi’s eyes. He did not want Erwin to go, but asking him to stay would make things only worse.

In this moment Erwin reached for Levi’s hand, which was still holding his sleeve and placed it on his cheek. He then breathed a kiss against the palm, on his knuckles, so slowly and with so much emphasis, as if this was their last kiss forever.

“Take good care of yourself”, he whispered. Once he had finished his sentence he let Levi go and stepped into the corridor, leaving the other behind, who was watching him go in silence. It did not take long and his hands fist started to tremble. He could not believe it. Overwhelmed by the situation he watched his salon’s ground that was covered by carpets the old Dr. Ackerman had purchased decades ago. He found himself unable to gather a clear thought. He felt hot, but inside he was shivering. He reached for his throat and tried to loosen his cravat, when his eyes reached the windows. Before he knew what he was doing he had rushed over, opening the curtains in an instant. He could see Mike standing in the courtyard, obviously waiting for his friend. He looked at the silver dial of a pocket watch he was holding in his hand and that disappeared into his waistcoat pockets only seconds after. Moments after that Erwin joined him. He looked tired. Shadows covered the usually friendly and gentle face. He exchanged a few words with Mike, who eventually placed a hand on his shoulder. They then left the court and boarded the carriage. Moments later the two men who had formed a firm component of Brighthampton had disappeared out of Levi’s life. Without a trace, as if they had never existed at all.

The entrance door was closed. A few seconds later Eren walked back into the salon. Levi turned around. They exchanged a volatile look and Levi did not miss the sorrow that was written all over Eren’s face. Levi cleared his throat, trying desperately not to show anything of what was going on in him right now. It took him all of his self-control.

The boy passed through the room and stopped in front of his foster father. With the tenderness of a son he gently touched Levi’s upper arm.

“Sir”, he began most reluctantly and could not hide the sorrow in his voice. “Shall I serve you some tea? You look pretty pale.”

In a controlled manner Levi shook his head and breathed deeply to calm himself down. Silently he let his gaze wander through the salon, realising that he would lose his mind if he would have to remain even one more second inside of this house.

“I’m going for a walk, Eren”, he muttered lost in thoughts.

“Where?”

Levi placed his hand on Eren’s shoulder and squeezed it tenderly. He then passed the boy and went over to the corridor, where he took what he needed on his own.

“To the ocean”, he addressed his protégé and placed the hat on his head with a mask-like expression on his face. “I’ll go to see the ocean.”

  
  


~*~

[OST](https://rainymood.com/)

~*~

 

Two hours he had been wandering around. Two hours in which he had racked his brains about what had just occurred in his salon, in which he had tried to calm down his thoughts. A hole was gaping in his chest and the pain over this wound tortured him so much that he could hardly stand still for a second. Silently he had watched the roaring sea and only casually noticed how the wind strengthened progressively. Eventually dark clouds had darkened the sky, like back then, at the day of the hunt. The day when Erwin had confessed his feelings for Levi. The day when they had kissed for the first time.

Erwin had asked for his summer and Levi had granted him this wish, at that one afternoon after Eren got shot, in Stenton Park’s library.

Levi remembered the melancholy in Erwin’s eyes on that night of the summer ball and could not help himself but to clench his hands into fists. Erwin had already known about their return to London. Levi was sure about that. Yet earlier that day, in Levi’s salon, Erwin had acted in such an affectionate manner that he could not believe all of this should have been a lie.

He raised his head and looked up in the sky, when the first drops of the falling rain wetted his face. Visibly exhausted he looked back at Brighthampton, then took off his hat and closed his eyes. The longer he remained like this, the heavier the raindrops kept pelting on his face, while the salty wind played with his hair and somehow managed it, at least for a moment, to ease his pain. Maybe this was one of the essential differences that divided him from the gentry. He was free. Nobody could tell him what to do. He was his own master. And if he wanted to stand here like this there was nobody who could foil him.

When he arrived back home he was wet through and through. He had barely set a foot into the courtyard, when the entrance door was opened and revealed Eren, who looked towards him with obvious concern. He is a good boy, Levi thought, he honestly cares for his stubborn, old man. Without saying a word he entered the entrance hall, handing his coat and hat to the boy, both heavy and soaked with water. He placed his boots somewhere close to the door and would not care today if they stood not at their usual place. Eren, who was still waiting for him at the door, remained silent. He was there, just in case Levi needed him, but he would never hassle him. A sad smile showed on Levi’s lips, so soft that it could hardly be seen.

“There are candied fruits in the casket in the salon”, he said and turned to leave. He needed to get out of his wet clothes. “Take some if you want.” With these words he left the boy and went upstairs to his room, where he undressed and towelled himself dry. Lost in thoughts he reached for some clothes he had worn the days before and got himself dressed, before he stopped helplessly in the middle of the room. Though dusk was falling alreadyit was still way too early to go to bed. He felt leached out and exhausted, but the thoughts in his head would still not calm down. Even if he decided to go to bed now he would not find any sleep. Silently he looked around, eventually eying the small box that was resting on his bedside table. He went over to his bed and sat down, before he took the box and opened it cautiously. Inside there was the cravat he once got from Erwin. The golden initials shimmered matt in the late afternoon sun. Carefully he took it out and let his fingertips slid over the soft surface. A certain melancholy filled his eyes. He could still smell the commander’s scent sticking at the white fabric.

Somebody knocked at the door. Immediately Levi stowed the cravat away and placed it back. When Eren entered he once more was carrying a tray with him, just like in the salon a few hours ago. He could see scones, a teapot, a warmer and a cup. According to the smell it was lavender tea. A bitter snort left Levi’s throat. Lavender…

“Thank you, Eren.”

Eren smiled reluctantly and placed everything on Levi’s bedside table.

“I brought a teapot warmer to keep it hot. You should warm up properly so you won’t catch the flu, Sir.”

“Never mind”, mumbled Levi who eyed the tea pot from the corner of his eyes. “People have already fired bullets at me this year; it’s unlikely that a little rain is going to kill me.”

“You weren’t the one who was hit by the bullet, though, Sir.”

Levi’s lips twitched in amusement.

“You’re right, Eren. You’re truly right.”

Eren nodded and silently watched Levi for a moment, before he raised his head and looked out of the window.

“You are dismayed over the sudden departure of Commander Smith and Lieutenant Zacharias”, he stated the obvious.

“A little, yes, maybe.”

The boy folded his arms in front of his chest and thoughtfully weighed his head back and forth before he replied.

“I am sad as well, Sir. Things have changed since these two gentlemen moved to Stenton Park and Miss Zoe’s nieces appeared. The town was a little livelier.” A shy smile showed on his face. “They kept us so busy, Sir. I think during the past ten years we haven’t been out as much as during the past two months. Apart from Miss Zoe’s evening societies, of course.”

“That may be”, Levi answered short temperedly who, in the meanwhile, had poured himself a cup of tea. “But these times are over. There is nothing we can do but to get used to that.”

He took a careful sip. It really was lavender tea.

“Dr. Ackerman, Sir”, began Eren suddenly and bogged down. For a moment the green eyes rested on his foster father in insecurity before he turned away and continued his speech without looking at Levi at all. “The most remarkable changes though – I feel like I could witness them on you.”

Visibly surprised Levi raised his brows and looked over to his protégé who acted more and more nervous while he spoke. “I have always pictured what it would be like to see you smile for once.” The thought alone fuelled the smile on his lips. “Commander Smith’s company seemed to make you happy. That makes it even more pitiable that he had to return to London. Even though the beginning was a little difficult, he honestly seemed to appreciate your character, just like you did with him.”

“This is a massive exaggeration, Eren”, mumbled Levi, whose heart once more started to ache. Holding the cup in his hands he lowered his gaze and tried to ignore the grief that overwhelmed him once more. He hardly noticed Eren, who reached into his waistcoat’s pocket, taking out something he handed to the physician right away. It was a letter. The seal showed a squiggly ‘S’. Levi’s eyes widened.

“Commander Smith gave this to me before he left. He said I shall hand this over to you once you have calmed down a little.”

They exchanged a look and Eren, obviously overstrained by the whole situation, bit his bottom lip. “Did you… calm down?”, he asked reluctantly and Levi pulled a wry face.

“Give it to me.”

He took the letter from the boy and eyed it carefully. The handwriting in which his name had been written on the envelope was pretty much familiar to him. A letter from Erwin; his heart started to beat faster. His hands felt wet.

Eren offered a bow and opened the door.

“If you need me, I’ll be downstairs in the kitchen.”

With these words he left the room. Levi waited until he could be certain that Eren would not return, then placed his cup on the bedside table and broke the seal. On thick and heavy paper there was written:

  
  


_Levi,_

_The point of my return might have reached us all of a sudden, but I beg you to believe me if I assure you that all the things that have occurred during the past hours were just as unexpected to me as they will be to you. The fact that my stay in Brighthampton will come to such an abrupt end fills me with deep sadness, yet I know that some things cannot be changed by one man alone. My wounds are healed up and I will not forget the oath I have sworn in the name of the royal crown. According to the letter that arrived today I will be send back to the European mainland to fight the Napoleonic regime before the end of the year._

_There are several matters, both family and business issues, I have to take care of in London before I return to Spain and which make it impossible for me to remain in Brighthampton any longer._

_It hurts me to leave you but not everybody is free to act in a selfish manner. That was what I said to you on the evening of the first ball. And those are words you addressed at me yourself and which cause me to hope that you will understand my intentions at least somewhere in the very bottom of your heart._

_I cannot value my own fortune over my sisters’. What kind of brother would that make me if I would act in such a dreadful way?_

_I hope that you will be able to forgive me one day, just as I hope that I can forgive myself some day. Your friendship, the shared time and conversations – I will treasure those memories now and forever._

_Promise me to take care of yourself. You get into difficulties so easily._

_I remain with the greatest esteem and deepest respect._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Erwin Smith_

  
  


Slowly Levi let the letter sink. He had needed to read it twice in order to understand everything that had been written in it. A trembling took over his limbs, causing the letter to slide from his fingers to the ground.

Seconds later his eyes filled with tears, yet were removed harshly with thumb and index finger. Fighting for self-restrain he breathed deeply and stood up, only to wander up and down the room afterwards. Contradicting emotions filled him. There was grief. Anger. Grief over the fact that he had been left behind. Anger over the fact that he had engaged himself to Erwin’s attempts to seduce him, even though it had been obvious that he would have had to return to London one day. No matter if it was London or Spain – both places laid so far beyond the horizon that he could not afford a journey mwithout risking his reputation as a physician and his economic existence. In addition soldiers used to be away from home for weeks, months, sometimes even years, not knowing if they would ever make it back alive.

An invisible hand reached for his heart and pressed it tightly. He gasped for air, when he desperately grabbed the white fabric of his dress shirt.

Why, he could not help himself from thinking, why did it hurt that much? The joy over the fact he had won Erwin’s heart was nothing compared to the loss. And even though Levi knew that it was childish and unreasonable, anger over the fact that Erwin had prioritised his duties over his feelings mixed into Levi’s sadness, making it even worse. Of course he had to act this way, anything else would have been selfish and should be judged, but what about him? How could he get himself into this? It was that sort of pain that had caused him to keep a certain distance to his fellow human beings. Erwin was the first _man_ in _years_ that had been able to break his walls. And now he stood in the middle of his bedroom, feeling exposed and embarrassed. His body wanted to cry, but his pride would not allow it. And still, the only thing he was secretly wishing for was to wake up next to him, feeling the arms of the other wrapped around his body, holding him tight. He wanted to feel his lips on his skin. Wanted to hear the sound of his voice. Wanted to see the expression that showed in his eyes, whenever Erwin was watching him. Such memories, though, were volatile. It would not take long and they would start to fade, like ink on a letter that had been read too often. And if they disappeared, he would have lost him forever.

He stopped next to his dresser and looked at himself in the mirror. He had already looked pale hours prior, but by now the remaining life had disappeared from his face. His hair covered his forehead in wet strands. He looked almost scared. A pair of reddish eyes replied his look, sunken in and bloodshot. It was the face of a man who had made himself vulnerable and, in the end, had lost. And before Levi knew what happened, he had clenched his right hand and hit the mirror with all his power. The glass burst underneath his fingers. Rattling it hit the ground, were it shattered into billions of pieces. When the noise had finally faded a draining silence filled the room. Levi let his fist sink and closed his eyes when first hasty steps already sounded at the staircase.

Eren.

The noise must have scared him to death. He called himself a fool when the door was opened. Slowly the physician turned around. Their gazes met.

“What happened?”, asked Eren, whose eyes suddenly widened in horror. “Oh”, he gasped, “oh no. Sir, you’re bleeding.”

Baffled Levi looked down on himself and froze when he noticed a huge piece of glass that was sticking in the palm of his hand, surrounded by a few smaller cuts. And even though the wound was deep he did not feel any pain. He removed the splitter most unaffectedly, whereas the wound started to bleed heavily. He sighed.

“I must have lost my temper”, was all he said.

With rapid movements Eren approached him, carefully reaching for Levi’s wrist. Silently he eyed the injury, before he took the splitter away from Levi and placed it on the dresser.

“We should stitch the wound”, Levi continued. The tension that had filled him the hours before suddenly faded.

“We definitely should, Sir.”

“Do you think you can do it?”

“What?”

Eren furrowed his brows, which Levi answered with an irritated moan.

“I can’t stitch myself, Eren, not with my left hand.”

“Oh!”, Eren shouted embarrassedly and blushed. “Yes. Yes, I think I can do it.”

“Fine.” Levi opened the top drawer of his dresser and took out a handkerchief he carefully wrapped around his hand. “Let’s go downstairs then, before I turn the first floor into a bloody mess.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be angry with me, I needed to do it! :D
> 
> But one thing is for certain: The Brighthampton-Arc, the first part, the first season, is hereby finished.
> 
> I feel slightly sorry for Levi. A broken heart is no joy at all. Eren has it even worse for he has to live with his foster father's way of dealing with this from now on.
> 
> Since I wrote this chapter, about 10 chapters of the SNK manga have been published. Looking at Eren now I don't really consider him properly in character anymore, but I really really love the way they treat each other here and I would not change that for anything. 
> 
> I'm sorry that it took so long by the way - but chapter 21 was such a hard piece of work that it was published one week delayed as well. The German readers will reach the ultimate climax in two weeks, before slowly approaching the end. You guys are still far away from that though. 
> 
> As with every chapter here is the usual list of stuff HerrKirschbaum liked about that chapter:
> 
> 1\. How carefree Levi acted when they saw the girls off; that he was even joking around with Eren.
> 
> 2\. That Levi starts speaking quite formal English when he's under stress, because it comes with a lot of phrases you can just use without having to think about it.
> 
> 3\. How carefully Eren treated Levi after Erwin had left.
> 
> 4\. The way Erwin and Levi spoke with each other when Erwin was about to leave.
> 
> 5\. The kiss on Levi's knuckles. The silent pain that filled Erwin's eyes.
> 
> 6\. Eren asking Levi if he has calmed down. 
> 
>  
> 
> I felt free to update the tumblr blog again (http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/), also using pictures of a book named: Ackermann’s Repository of Arts, &c., January 1812. Made me smile a little, tbh. 
> 
> Once again: I have a new public twitter account now for all fandom related things (http://twitter.com/herrkirschbaum). Same goes for Patreon~
> 
> Feel free to talk to me. And I'm looking forward to see you guys once the next chapter comes.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	13. A Journey

It did not take long and the wound on Levi's hand had healed. A thin scar was all that remained. A silent witness of what had happened back on the rainy summer day that had marked Erwin's farewell. A new mirror could be seen on Levi's sideboard. And if one would not look too close he would not find any difference at all. Everything appeared unchanged. Not a single word had Levi lost over these events from then and everybody who tried to make him talk was destined to fail.

Late July merged into August. And when September finally arrived, the first signs of the approaching autumn befell the little seaside town. No matter where the field’s golden wheat was weighing in the wind. The last sunny days of the year and the streets filled with people. It would not take long and the leaves would change to a dark red that equalled the colour of fresh blood.

The emotional outburst that had come along with the reading of Erwin's letter marked the only expression of the suffered pain and at the same time the end of this friendship that had once linked him to the soldier from London. Since then the physician had acted all calm and severe. Precisely like a clock counted the seconds he had done his work. He still taught Eren, who spent every minute learning for his exams, his craft. Their agreement from the day the Middleton twins had left gave the boy a diligence and persistence Levi would not have expected from him, and thinking about that he could not deny that he was proud to have Eren living in his house.

The world evolved. People lived their lives. And the everyday life that surrounded them kept hidden at first glance that, underneath the mask of normality, nothing was the same as back then in the early summer of the same year. And even though Levi did not notice, he acted different from before. The tenderness that had filled his eyes whenever his thoughts had sneaked away to Erwin; the signs of happiness that had caused him a broad smile during the summer ball – they had vanished and never returned. Unintentionally he had rebuilt the walls that Erwin had torn apart. Levi's gaze had grown cold and distant. Only occasionally his face showed signs of emotion. For Eren, who had had to learn over the years to interpret the behaviour of his foster father, Levi must have appeared just as stoical and misleading as on the day he had moved into his house. Levi hardly spoke and when he finally opened his mouth only the most necessary remarks would be said. Although Eren did everything to provide Levi what he needed, all of this could not belie the emotional gap Levi had established between himself and the others. With every day the physician withdrew more into himself. He went out less than before. He hardly received any visitors and visited even less. Whenever Hange inquired for him, he sent her away. In every minute of his calm, secluded life he overworked himself and once the last patient had been taken care of, the shelves had been refilled, the files brought back to order and the paperwork had neatly been copied, he strolled around at the coast. He was hunted, hunted by an inner restlessness that filled his chest and choked him from the inside, whenever he stopped and rested. He survived. He functioned. But the happiness that had filled him during the past weeks, the excitement and confidence, they had disappeared.

Though in the beginning he had expected a letter from Erwin he had soon realised that this was a wish that would not be granted. Sometimes, in a moment of silence, he took out the cravat, thoughtfully letting his fingers slid over the thin, soft fabric, only to stow it away in some hidden place of his commode afterwards, angry over his own weakness. Every fibre of his body wanted to forget that man.

But he couldn't.

And so Levi spent the summer he had once promised Erwin in silent proficiency. And when the early autumn arrived in Brighthampton, the day when Eren should accompany Hange to London approached as well. He took his exams, passed them all at the first try and eventually even with results Levi considered appropriate. He very well took notice of his student's achievements and finally allowed him to participate in the journey to London, a decision that led them once more to Hange's salon at a sunny September morning. Together with Eren Levi had breakfast at a simple table that had once been prepared for three people. Nobody talked. Like so often these days Levi was lost in thoughts, his gaze lowered, his face pale and blank. Subtle shadows and skin that stiffly covered his skull indicated that he had lost some weight, but not too much. From time to time he took a sip from his cup that he held warming in his hands. There was something that kept him awake at night – and which could not be reduced to the two gentlemen from London.

Everything had started a few weeks earlier. Garments from which he believed he had placed them neatly folded on their usual places in his sidebar were suddenly undetectable. It was the kinds of dress shirts, pants and waistcoats he had already owned for a long time, so that he was rarely wearing them anymore anyway. But when this phenomenon extended to his every day wardrobe he started to become suspicious. With increasing distrustfulness he carefully watched his protégé who always appeared as if butter would not melt in his mouth. Did the boy trade his belongings behind his back? Levi was fully aware of the fact that he did not offer him large amounts of money – but only because he saved it to provide him proper education. Eren knew that. And over all these years he had never acted disrespectful or ungrateful towards Levi. There was no certain reason why he should start with such things now, all of a sudden. And since Eren was, next to Hange, the only person Levi offered something like his trust, he let that matter rest. He was probably growing old. Sooner or later, and he was certain about that, the garments he believed lost would find their wondrous way back into his life.

“Think again”, he said and closed the hip flask from which he had poured some whiskey into his breakfast tea – a gift from Mr. Pixis to his Saint's day last year. He then took a sip. “Did you really not forget anything? If you need to do purchases in London due to your carelessness you will not be able to rely on me. And don't you dare to take advantage of Hange's good nature. You know that she grants you every wish once I've left the room, so take care.”

“Yes Sir.”

Eren, who was holding a buttered toast in his hands, shook his head. “I am very much certain that we thought of everything. The list you wrote down for me was exceedingly helpful.”

He took a hearty bite and kept chewing in silent bliss over the upcoming journey. Doing so his green eyes rested on his foster father. The longer the boy kept staring at him like this, the more severe grew his expression until he finally even stopped chewing. Levi, who had not missed any of this, pulled a wry face and carefully eyed the boy over the edge of his tea cup.

“Are you in pain, son?”, he muttered in an irritated manner, whereas a mischievous smile appeared on Eren's lips. Heavily he shook his head.

“No!”, he shouted and stopped, only to proceed in a lower voice. “It is just – is it truly fine for me to be gone for such a long time? Will you get along?”

Levi snorted.

“I got along perfectly without you for about 25 years, Eren. Does this answer your question?”

“Well”, Eren proceeded and his voice sounded overturned, “it's just that I feel like you will lock yourself in your house for the next two weeks and won't leave it until Miss Zoe and I have returned from London.”

“Don't be stupid, Eren. Considering all the home visits I need to make that's absolutely impossible.” He clicked his tongue. “Hearing you talk like this makes me think you've only moved into my house yesterday.”

“And you really don't want to accompany us to London?”, Eren asked once more, but with every spoken word his voice lost hope. Levi shook his head.

“Certainly not.”

“Sir, to be honest...” Eren placed his cup at the table. “I think to break out from the usual routines from time to time would be good for you, don't you agree? You've been acting quite solitary recently.”

The physician looked over to the window, through which the morning sun illuminated the room. The thought alone that he might run into Erwin in London – and that could certainly not be avoided if they visited this place as Hange's companions – made him shiver. He did not know what made Erwin refrain from writing him, but Levi's pride had forbidden him to be the first. He was not the one who left. And Erwin was gone. The sooner he got used to that fact the better.

He once more addressed Eren, who was turning the cup back and forth in his hands, while he stared at his foster father with an empty-headed, almost desperate smile. Levi replied his look with a grim glare.

“Can you explain me what's so funny about that?”

“Nothing, Sir. I’m sorry.” Eren looked at the clock that had been placed on top of the fire place. “I'm just wondering where Miss Zoe might be.”

As if on cue the doors flew open and revealed Hange who rapidly stepped into the middle of the room. Dressed in a plain aubergine walking dress, combined with a white apron, she held a list in her hands from which she energetically crossed out a few things. She raised her head and adjusted her glasses that were hanging mischievously on her nose and looked back and forth between her two guests. When her gaze struck Levi she furrowed her brows.

“You didn't tell him yet?”, she asked the boy in honest surprise and let the list disappear in the apron's pocket. Levi gave his protégé an severe look.

“Told me what?”, he asked and Eren, who had just taken another bite, swallowed himself and turned pale. Without anyone rushing to his help he started to cough and placed the bread back on his plate with tearing eyes, before he repeatedly tapped his chest. His cheeks turned red, while Levi slowly became aware of the fact that he had, even though it was most unlikely, fallen into a trap. He turned towards Hange.

“Told me what?”, he asked once more and sounded irritated more and more. His friend folded her arms in front of her chest. Both ignored the coughing boy.

“That you will accompany us to London, my dear. But apparently it seems that you have intimidated poor Eren with your grumpiness in a way he couldn't get himself to tell you in person.”

The physician opened his mouth, but before he could reply she hushed him. Filled with emphasis she raised her index finger and stepped closer to him. Her eyes sparkled filled with determination. “Don't you even try to make up excuses for everything has already been prepared. Your bags have been packed and I reorganised your appointments as well. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, which holds you in Brighthampton for the upcoming three weeks. Apart from the self-pity you're consequently drowning yourself into since Erwin's and Mike's departure.”

Tightly the physician's hands clenched his cup. Even though fury appeared to be the most appropriate reaction to him he remained remarkably calm until his eyes widened in sudden realization. He whirled around and stared at the boy, who more and more sank down behind his plate.

“EREN!” The boy jerked.

“Y-yes, Sir?”

“You'll better not be responsible for all these mysteriously disappearing garments.”

One look was enough and Levi knew he was right. Conscious of guilt Eren lowered his head. Strands of brown hair covered his eyes.

“Well”, he muttered, a picture of misery. “After all...”

Harder than intentioned Levi placed his cup on the table and even though he tried to control his emotions his voice trembled in suppressed fury.

“I will not tolerate such behaviour in my house! How do you expect me to sleep at night if I cannot even be sure that you're not hoarding my dirty laundry behind my back?!”

How could he dare to betray him like this? If there was one person in the world that should have understood that the only thing he wanted was to forget about all of this, then it must have been Eren. They lived together. And still – he was young, naïve, green, at an age where people used to think they could change the world. Or the life of their foster father for the better.

“Levi”, Hange interrupted him and stepped closer. “You're treating him too rough; it was actually me, who-”

“Shut up”, Levi muttered in such a snide manner that Eren started to rearrange his plate and silverware. Visibly nervous, growing displeasure over Levi's reaction showed in his protégé's eyes. Eventually he could not take it any further.

“Sir!”, he burst out and dropped the spoon he had been holding. “Please! We don't know what happened between you and Commander Smith, but since his departure you're acting like a whole different person. You're barely leaving the house, you don't attend societies, and you do not even do your purchases yourself. Even to me you're hardly talking.”

“We're concerned about you, Levi”, Hange said tenderly and made everything worse. Feeling like he was standing with the back against the wall, Levi's fingers grabbed the armrests of his chair.

“There is absolutely no reason to be concerned about me”, he said. “It seems you haven't noticed, but I'm a grown man and I can take care of myself. Neither do I need the pity of a teenage boy nor that of a woman.”

He raised his head to look at Hange but froze since her face showed nothing but unhidden anger. Her sex had been a sensitive topic since forever and Levi knew that. She rapidly approached, turned down to him, supporting her on the armrests of his chair. Thereby her glasses shifted on her nose, so that her eyes met his over the edge of the brass frame. Levi, who preferred more physical distance, tried to lean back, but the backrest thwarted his plan. He had overstepped the mark. Like a storm her voice hit him.

“Levi Ackerman”, she spit at him, “it's _enough_! We are not willed to witness how you retread into your shell more and more every day. You will come with us to London, make your courtesy calls on friends and family – no matter if yours or mine, and act like the odd and quirky physician again we all know and love. Did you understand me?”

Inflamed with rage they stared at each other, both not willed to let go. Levi's eyes narrowed while he, biting his bottom lip, remained in this position. From time to time they happened to fight; stubborn as they both were, over this and that. Often enough Levi had emerged victoriously from such conflicts and this time would not be any different. No matter what – he would rather die than to set one foot on London's ground.

 

~*~

 

When they arrived in London it rained. A summer storm had befallen the city and its surrounding regions, in such a roaring and thundering manner it had almost lengthened their difficult and long journey for another day.

Silently Levi, whose forehead was resting against the cool window glass, watched the countless streets and houses which they passed in their carriage. It was the first time for the quarter of a century that he returned to the area where he had lived through his childhood – and the strong aversion that was accompanying his visit caused him to press his lips to a thin line. This city meant nothing to him but grief and sorrow and even this time he did not expect anything different. He looked over to Eren, who sat, sunk down, next to him and slept. It caused Levi a restrained smile. At the beginning of their journey Eren had barely managed it to sit still, but in the end, exhausted by the long travel, he had missed their entrance to London since he had fallen asleep.

“There it is!”, Hange whispered, who had followed Levi's example and stared out of the window with sparkling eyes. She tapped against the window with her fingernails and pointed at a building at the end of the street. “Finally! Oh Levi, I'm literally dying to introduce my brother-in-law to you. You will get along quite well; I have no doubt about that.”

“If you say so”, Levi answered reluctantly, unsure how he should have even one thing in common with a person who called these Middleton twins his daughters. He turned over to his ward and shook him carefully until the green eyes eventually opened. Bleary, the youngster looked around, but when he finally noticed the buildings that surrounded them he was awake in an instant.

“We arrived?!”, he asked excitedly and straightened up so fast that Levi's hand slid down his shoulder.

“Yes”, he answered, pointing with his finger at Eren's nose. “Wipe your face and pack your things.”

“Yes.”

Involuntary Eren touched the corners of his mouth and pulled a disgusted face, before he wiped the back of his hand over his lips. He then ran his fingers through the brown hair, right in the moment when the carriage stopped in front of a white town house. A slim, multi-storey building that fit into a row of identical houses. The ground floor was plastered white, yet the storeys above shined in the warm red of earthenware bricks. Two columns framed the black lacquered entrance door, which was of the same colour as the surrounding windows. On the windowsill boxes lavender had been attached. A slim staircase connected the entrance with the kerb, covering the trench in between, that had been established in order to illuminate the cellar rooms as well. A neat little town house, incorporating a plain wealth that exceeded Levi's easily. Too often he had stood in front of these kinds of houses when he was a child living in London's streets, starving and dirty, only to be chased away by the local housekeeper – or to be given the bites for the dog as an act of charity.

Levi took a deep breath, opened the carriage door and stepped outside. Immediately a heavy gust of wind grabbed his tailcoat and almost snatched away the black hat he was carrying in his hands. His feet had barely touched the ground when Hange already supported herself on his shoulders. Rain pelted against both their faces.

“Let's go inside!”, she shouted through the wind while she desperately held her bonnet made from straw. “Before we're completely soaked!”

Seconds later a housemaid, dressed completely in black, opened the door and let them in. Together with Eren they stepped into a narrow corridor, on which's end Levi could see a staircase covered with red carpet. Next to them, on the right side, a wing door made from dark wood offered a view into the salon, in which the girl finally led them to.

After that she left them under the pretext to inform her master over the group's arrival. Levi, who was longing for a moment of silence before he was reunited with the Middletons was more than satisfied over the fact that they had to remain on their own for a few minutes. Silently he let his gaze wander through the room that equalled his own salon in size and furnishings. The dark wood though that framed the wine red and crème striped silk tapestry gave this place a cosy atmosphere his own house, where he had preferred dark green tones, could not keep up with. In an open fire place made from white, skilfully decorated marble a fire burned, since with the thunderstorm the temperatures had dropped as well. Tired from the long journey Levi leisurely went back and forth, before he stopped in front of the sofa on which Hange had sat down. Her face showed a broad smile.

“It's such a good feeling to be finally back again”, she said and looked at everything as if she could not believe that she was really here. Levi, who felt chilly in his moist tailcoat, folded his arms in front of his chest.

“I would rather prefer a hot bath”, he muttered when the door was opened again and revealed the maid that had left them before to inform the others.

“My master will come to meet you right away”, she said. In her hands she carried a serving tray. With skilful movements she served the tea and left the room. On a plate next to the tea service there was sweet bread and salty butter.

“Eren”, Levi addressed the younger, who was still looking around with wide eyes. Galvanized the boy whirled around.

“Yes, Sir?”, he stuttered and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. Levi, who had by now sat down next to Hange, took one of the cups and sighed in relief. The scent of earl grey alone was enough to let him act more companionable. With a short hand movement he pointed on the place next to him.

“Sit down and drink something. It irritates me if you keep floundering like that.”

Eren obeyed. Even though he rolled his eyes in secret he sat down and started to devour bread and butter, hungry as always, just like boys in his age used to be.

They did not have much time to rest and eat. After Eren had stuffed so much bread into his mouth that he earned a blaming look from his foster father, the door to the salon was opened once more. This time though, not a maid entered the room, but a tall, slender man of fifty years with a square-edged face, whose sandy hair formed only a thin circle on his otherwise bald head. On his characteristic nose rested a golden Pince-nez. Even though he was only related by marriage with Hange, they looked quite alike. Levi, the cup still holding in his hands, stood up and ordered Eren with a nod to follow him. Before the boy could do as he was told, Hange's scream gave them a jerk.

“Jeffrey!”

She jumped up and had passed the salon with only a few energetic steps, before she almost jumped into her brother-in-law's arms in unhidden joy of reunion. He tightly pressed her against his chest, then finally reached for her shoulders and gently pushed her away. A pair of sparkling, dark green eyes wandered searchingly over her face. He was smiling in the same broad manner.

“Hange”, he began, though he sounded calmer and more mature than his sister-in-law. “How lovely it is to finally see you again. Say, how long has it been?”

“Certainly more than two years, my dear.”

He sighed.

“Two years, my goodness. How's science? You will not have forgotten your oath to serve the truth, will you?”

Hange giggled like a small girl.

“Oh, rather the opposite! I think I achieved quite a few successes in the past year.”

The man looked at her with a warm smile, nodding while he was listening to her.

“Splendid. We should meet just like usual with a good glass of whiskey in my library later, so you can explain everything to me in detail. Provided the journey has not exhausted you too much. The weather is truly terrible.”

“Ah, stop it”, she laughed. “It might have been true that we all got a little wet but apart from that we're well, am I right?”

She looked over to her companions and grinned even broader when she noticed Levi's and Eren's clueless expressions. Levi hoped urgently that Mr. Middletons breath was not as long as Hange's when it came to communicate the results of recent research projects to strangers.

In the meantime she wrenched herself from her brother-in-law's grip and placed, after she had approached Levi and Eren, a hand on the boy's shoulder.

“May I introduce my fellow attendants”, she said. “This here is Dr. Levi Ackerman, my long-standing friend and one of Brighthampton's most skilful physicians. And this is Mr. Eren Jaeger, the protégé of Dr. Ackerman and his assistant. Levi, Eren, this is Mr. Jeffrey Middleton, the husband of my deceased little sister and the father of my nieces.”

Now Mr. Middleton came over as well and took Levi's hand, giving him a firm handshake. The same smile he had given Hange earlier was now addressed to Levi.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Ackerman”, he said calmly.

“The pleasure is all mine”, Levi replied politely, only fuelling Mr. Middleton's smile.

“Hange has told me so much about you in her letters during the past years that I have the feeling to know you in person already.”

“Oh, did she?”, Levi remarked casually and gave Hange a glare from the corner of his eyes. “I hope only positive things, though.”

“Be unconcerned, Dr. Ackerman, be unconcerned. And you are the young Mr. Jaeger?”, he now addressed Eren, who nodded enthusiastically when sudden noise in the corridor hushed all those present in an instant. When the door to the salon was opened once more, the sound of two girls' voices proclaimed what was about to follow.

“Aunt Hange!”

The sound of tripping feed echoed from the walls. Seconds later Levi heared Hange's breathless gasp, caused by the tight hug her nieces had pulled her into. Levi sighed and folded his arms. He looked over to Mr. Middleton, who was wearing the blank face of a man that had seen everything.

“I don't know what you think”, he began after a phase of consensual silence, only interrupted by the occasional laughter and giggle of the girls. “But it appears as if the ladies will serve each other well enough right now. I could show you around, if you don't mind. After that-” He exchanged a volatile look with Levi, who was dying to get away from the girls' noise, “how about a hot and calm bath?”

An approving smile appeared on Levi's lips who only nodded shortly while they left the salon.

“That would not be too bad”, he agreed with his host and silently admitted that Hange might have been right. He felt as if he would probably be able to get along with this man, more than he had expected in the beginning of his journey.

 

The room he had been assigned to was located as far away from Hange's as Levi could have imagined. He appreciated the fact, since it guaranteed him the silence he was usually missing in her company. As in the salon the walls showed a warm dark red tone and furniture and the wall covering fit with the colour of dark brown cherry wood perfectly into the comfortable cosiness that was inhered by everything around him. The size of the room and the huge bed certainly had their prize, though, a prize Levi had only agreed to pay teeth grinding. He was not only sharing a room with his protégé, furthermore also the sleeping place. Considering the fact that there were two teenage daughters, Hange and an additional guest from Exceter, whom Levi had not had the chance to meet yet, the capacities of this small town house had been reached. He had accepted his inevitable fate without showing any reluctance. Sometimes, a gentleman knew when to hold back and leave the privileges to others.

“Place the books on that side table over there, Eren”, said Levi, who was standing at the window, enjoying the view. Their room was facing the street. It had never occurred to him that he could observe the surroundings from such a height. The people appeared almost tiny and the chimneys of London could be seen everywhere up to the sooty horizon. Back then, when he had been a child, he had often pictured how it would be to stand where he was standing now, a member of the fine society. But now, where this dream had become reality, it still felt strangely surreal. He was no longer the small guttersnipe from back then. He was a well respected member of society. Only now, when he was looking outside, his fingers clenching the heavy velveteen curtains, he realised how much he had achieved in his life so far.

With a deep breath he turned around and looked over to Eren. In order to unpack the boy had placed the trunks on their shared bed.

“Eren.” His tone spoke for himself. His ward, who was holding a bunch of dress shirts in his hands, looked up.

“Yes, Sir?”, he asked and replied Levi's gaze, not knowing that he had just done something wrong. His foster father's lips formed only a thin line when he passed through the room, before he closed the trunks with energetic movements and placed them on the side board on the opposite side of the room.

“I don't want to sleep in the dirt that you most likely just have scattered over the bed by placing the trunks there”, he muttered in a most irritated manner and clapped his hands. Next to him Eren sighed, who now went over to the side board and took out the remaining garments.

“It's not like I did it any different back in Brighthampton”, Eren mumbled, causing Levi to sigh.

“Fine”, he answered, “so you know what you will do first once we're back. After being gone for more than two weeks it's about time to clean everything again, anyway...”

He ran his fingers through his hair and let his gaze wander over the remaining luggage, when somebody knocked at the door. One of the housemaids entered.

“Excuse me interrupting, Sir”, she began and was just towelling her hands with her white apron. “The bath has been prepared.” Levi nodded.

“I'll be coming right away.”

He went over to Eren and took the dark grey tailcoat out of his hands the boy was just about to stow away. “I want the trunks empty once I'm back, understood?”

The boy nodded.

“And then?”

Levi shrugged.

“Have a look around. Make yourself at home. The twins are probably waiting for you already.”

 

An absolute white room with a bay window, illuminated by the warm afternoon sun, whose rays fell through the matt glass. A place of silence and calmness, which's sparse furnishings – nothing but a white lacquered room divider and a commode of the same colour –, gave the room an atmosphere of emptiness Levi appreciated very much. In the middle there was a brass bathtub that could easily be overlooked when somebody entered the room, since it was covered by the outstanding door. In the tub, naked and his eyes only half opened, laid Levi. His left arm was resting on the edge, while he let his right hand gently slide through the hot water, lost in thoughts. It had been so hot he had hardly been able to get into the water, but now he was deeply relaxed. Silently he took a deep breath and let himself slide underneath the surface, before he emerged and shifted the strands of wet hair out of his face.

Carefully his eyes slid down his body. From childhood days on he had always been the smallest amongst his friends. And even though he had grown up in poverty, even though hunger had marked every little fibre of his body, he was not the type of person to gain weight easily. Muscles pushed themselves through lean skin and let him appear brawny, even though that was not the case. He could not comply with what was considered the ideal of beauty. Still though, Erwin had appreciated especially all these little flaws.

A sigh left the physician, who closed his eyes and bend his head backwards. He did not want to think about that. Maybe he would somehow manage it to make it through the upcoming weeks without meeting him once – when he thought of Hange, though, he could not help himself but to think that this plan was doomed to failure from the beginning.

The clicking sound of the opening door brought him back to reality. Too surprised to say anything he raised his head and remained like this. A young woman entered the room. She did not pay any attention to the brass bathtub that had been covered by the outstanding door, passed Levi, who witnessed all this silently and headed over to the bay window, in which's corner the commode was located. She was not tall, but slender, underlined by the translucent white muslin fabric that covered her body. Short, only shoulder long hair of copper red colour was held together with a light blue silk ribbon in a way boys and soldiers used to dress. A band of the same colour, attached underneath her chest was bound to a beautiful ribbon in her back. A sweet, graceful creature, whose beauty even a person like Levi, although he could not see her face, would not miss. She now searchingly opened one drawer after another and started to ransack them. Levi, who had by now witnessed all of this without a single word, now cleared his throat.

“Can I help you, Ma'am?”, he asked drily. The lady winced. She paused for a second, before she slowly turned around. From a heart shaped face a pair of chestnut brown, alarmed eyes looked in his direction. When she finally noticed him, she cried out. What she had been holding in her hands – a piece of soap – fell down to the ground with a dull bang.

“Oh”, she gasped and her cheeks turned dark red. “Oh god.”

Their eyes met. She, standing in the middle of the room, dressed up neatly and pretty, while he, stark naked but calm, was lying in a tub of hot water. Her mouth was opened, but like a fish out of water not a single sound left her lips. Eventually she found her voice.

“My apologies. I, I-” Once more she bogged down. Her gaze wandered around, searching for help, until it finally struck the room divider, over which Levi had placed his clothes before. Her small hands clenched to fists, then, suddenly, she escaped behind the room divider, so rapidly that she almost fell over her own feet. His brows furrowed, Levi watched her carefully and not without amusement.

“If I had known that the bath was occupied, I had never, never-!” There was a pitiful moaning sounding from behind the divider. Levi, who by now had leaned back again, grinned despite himself while she went on. “Oh, how appropriate. How exceedingly appropriate. They could have told me that we're about to have visitors residing in this house from this afternoon, but it seems as if this was too much to ask.” She got lost in a monologue, which was, according to her words, mainly addressed to herself. “Oh, Fiona's better going to brace herself, playing her pranks on me as usual.” She cleared her throat and, according to the sound of her voice, now addressed Levi. “The bathroom is usually empty at this time. I had no idea somebody was in here. Apart from that-”

A hand closed around the edge of the divider, before her face showed again. Her eyes glared at him in fury. “Who for the world are you and what are you doing in our bathroom?” For split seconds her eyes slid over the exposed body, before she blushed once more and disappeared behind the divider again. “At least have the decency to lock the door next time, you lout.”

Levi's grin intensified. Into what kind of absurd situation had he gotten himself into? He gave the door that had fallen in the lock again, a volatile look before he glanced over to the folding screen.

“You sure know very little, stating that you're living here”, he remarked drily and started to drum with his fingertips on the edge of his bathtub.

“I know enough to understand that a righteous woman finds herself trapped behind a folding screen due to your carelessness, unable to leave the bathroom without ruining her good reputation.” For a moment she fell silent, then, once more, her voice filled the air. “What do you mean?”

“The bathroom key is sticking so tight in the lock that once you've locked yourself in here you might not be able to get out again. I chose freedom, you shall forgive me.” He clicked his tongue and watched the stucco decorated ceiling. “You're the one who accessed these rooms without permission. Are you sure you're not just a madwoman who is making up excuses in order to molest righteous men who are simply longing to take a hot bath after a long journey? – alone.”

Behind the screen he noticed an unbelieving laughter.

“You are bold as brass, Sir. Do you even listen to your own words? You make yourself ridiculous, Mister... Mister...”

“Ackerman”, Levi interrupted her, “I accompany Miss Hange Zoe.”

“Whatever. I didn’t expect you so early due to the storm.”

“Well, seems like we made it in time after all.”

“Thank you very much for stating the obvious, Sir.”

“You’re most welcome.”

They fell silent and Levi, alarmed by the unexpected appearance of a second person, eventually calmed down again. Without making a single sound he sank deeper into the water, until it had reached his chin.

“Don't you want to get dressed so I can finally leave the bathroom again?”, the girl remarked in a most irritated manner after a couple of minutes. Levi snorted.

“No, I do not. Just leave, the damage has happened already.” He sighed. “And you saw what could have been seen anyhow”, he muttered towards himself.

“I certainly shall not.” Her voice was filled with outrage.

“Well, then...” Levi closed his eyes again and made himself comfortable. “You might have to remain behind that folding screen a little longer, I suppose. I have not come the long way from Brighthampton to be shooed away by some heedless lady.”

She audibly gasped for air.

“You are quite a rascal, you know that?”

He refrained from giving her an answer and decided to simply ignore her, just like he used to do it with Hange when she kept talking and talking. Perplex over the fact that she was disregarded in such an unhidden manner she remained silent before she raised her voice again after a few minutes.

“Are you now clean enough, Mr. Ackerman?”

He opened his eyes and looked over to the folding screen. For a moment he was struggling with himself then made up his mind.

“Be a good girl and stay behind the screen, Miss...”

“Ral.”

“Miss Ral.”

“Be unconcerned. Believe me if I assure you that I have seen truly enough for today.”

Still grinning he supported himself with both hands on the edges of the tub and hefted himself out of the water. He then went over to the screen and took away a white linen sheet he had placed next to his clothes. He roughly towelled himself dry then wrapped it around his hip.

“Good for me”, he muttered and took his garments. When the door of the bathroom fell into the lock behind him for the next time, he had left Miss Ral all alone.

Shaking his head in disbelief he headed back to his room, which was fortunately located at the same floor. Quickly he opened the door and slid inside. Eren, who was standing not far away from his bed and was already getting ready for night's rest, dropped his nightgown, when he saw his foster father standing in front of him dressed with nothing but a sheet.

“Sir”, he burst out, before he kneeled down and reached for his shirt with a red head, “what happened to you? Why are you-” He swallowed. “Half-naked?”

“Don't ask, son”, Levi growled, who now rapidly pulled a shirt over his head and placed the clothes he had worn during the journey over a chair. “Just don't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there and welcome back! Sorry for the slight delay, my internship has started and I normally get up at 5am at the moment - and due to that I fall asleep around 8. I'm an old man. You shall forgive me. 
> 
> I have some bad news for you and I want to drop the bomb right away. Due to some essays I have to hand in and my internship and a lot of private trouble the upcoming German chapter will be delayed, which also means that the next English chapter will be delayed as well. I'll be in Japan between October 6th and 23rd, so it seems as if we're going to have quite a long break until we proceed. Expect me back in the beginning of November.
> 
> Stuff I liked about this chapter:  
> 1\. "He would rather die than to set one foot on London's ground. - When they arrived in London, it rained." - That part never fails to make me laugh.  
> 2\. Eren hoarding Levi's clothes behind his back.  
> 3\. The ambush.  
> 4\. Petra.  
> 5\. Petra.  
> 6\. Petra.  
> 7\. The way they dealed with each other when they met for the first time.  
> 8\. Mr. Middleton, the man that has seen everything.  
> 9\. Levi, who's totally comfortable with being naked in front of others. He has lost any shame during his years on London's streets. 
> 
> As usual - thank you very much for all the kind comments, likes, kudos, twitter reommendations (like srsly, WOAH!). I am really in love with all the feedback I get from you guys.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you liked the chapter. WELCOME TO LONDON!  
> I wonder what Erwin's doing...


	14. Dining Out. Part 1

The following day Levi and Eren spent in each others company. They visited the places Levi could still remember from his own youth, strolled through the streets and over markets, picnicked in the Hyde Park's marvellous green and returned to their accommodation at late afternoon. Eren, who had recovered faster from the journey's hardships than his foster father had not missed a single chance to ask Levi about his past. He provided Eren with the inquired information only reluctantly, yet even his short, irritated answers had not hushed the boy's burning curiosity. Levi, though, was still exhausted and the fact that he had to share his bed with Eren was not beneficial to his recovery. When they returned after this long day to their shared room Levi was in fact in the mood to spend the remaining evening with a glass of port in front of the chimney - either alone or in Mr. Middleton's company. But as it happens so often during the short time of a human life, in the end not every wish will be granted.

"Eren, the cufflinks."

He stood in front of the tall, wooden framed mirror and tied a white cloth around his neck. Black and dark red formed the nuances that could be seen on him tonight - he was dressed up in semi formal attire. Only if one looked very closely the creme silk lining of his otherwise plain west could be discovered. In about half an hour they would depart; according to Hange's statements they had been invited for dinner.

"How did you happen to know the host, Sir?", asked Eren and took out the small silver box that contained Levi's cufflinks. 

"I did not happen to know him at all", he replied thoughtfully, while he attached the small buttons on his cuffs, before he took his tailcoat from the neighbouring chair and put it on. "It's an old friend of Hange, if I'm not mistaken. He's a judge at  the civil court.“

Next to Levi a silent sound occurred, which came from Eren, who stretched out with a long moan on their bed. By now he was only halfway dressed. The cravat was loosely tied around his neck. The west was not even fully buttoned. Even though he had put on one of the black shiny leather shoes, the second laid unappreciated on the ground.

"Then it might be better if I just shut my hole", Eren muttered in a defiant manner and folded his arms behind his head. "Sir, I just can't get rid of the feeling that London's upper class societies are likely to be quite - stiff and dry. If I may say so."

Levi suggested a thin smile while he adjusted the fit of his suit.

"Stiff is a massive understatement. The people here are way too busy with being rich to notice the stick that sticks in their bottoms. Nothing can be created out of nothing, Eren, that applies to stiffness as well."

His fingers checked the black hair that he had slicked back with pomade, while behind him Eren burst out laughing. In front of the boy, and that was a privilege nobody else shared with him, Levi spoke as bluntly as the street had once taught him. Deep inside their hearts they were still the guttersnipes from back then. 

Levi turned away from the mirror and pressed his lips together, when he found his foster son lying on the bed. 

"Are you getting dressed yourself or do I need to come over and help you?"

The words showed their effect immediately. Seconds later Eren had jumped out of the bed and started to get dressed properly. Both knew what Levi meant when he talked about that 'help' he had just offered his protégé. And as he knew the boy would rather walk over glowing coals than to take use of that. 

One last time he let his fingers slide through his hair, before he took out his golden pocket watch and gave it a volatile look. Afterwards he turned to go, but not without addressing Eren one last time.

"I'll meet you in the salon within five minutes."

"Yes, Sir."

"And not one single breath later."

  
  


When Levi entered the room where they had been served tea and cake on the day of their arrival, everybody turned around to look at him. The conversations that had filled the room before, faded in an instant. He could see Hange, who was sitting next to her nieces on the sofa, furthermore Miss Ral - the lovely lady who had interrupted his bath yesterday - and, as a matter of course, no one else but his host, Mr. Middleton. Levi had barely closed the door behind him when Hange's voice cut the silence in an extremely harsh way. 

"Levi!", she shouted, a broad smile written all over her face. She was dressed up way prettier as back then, on the night of her dinner party that had led to Levi's and Erwin's duel. She was wearing a dark red silk dress and jewellery in amounts Levi was not aware she even possessed. Her nieces, who framed her to her left and right, were dressed in pastel shades and greeted him with a smile. 

“Such pleasant news that you agreed to join us for tonight's dinner, Dr. Ackerman”, Sophia began and her sister nodded heavily before she took over. “But where is Mr. Jaeger?”

“He's upstairs and still dressing up”, Levi answered in a short manner, giving the girls a volatile nod before he went over to Mr. Middleton, who was sitting not far away in a leather wing-back armchair. Mr. Middleton clapped his hands once before he got up with a sigh. 

"Well, let us make good use of these extra minutes, shall we?", he said and gently placed an arm around Levi's shoulders. He pulled him closer, then led him, not without the taste of fatherly care, over to Miss Ral. She was wearing a dress of grass green colour, here and there decorated with the finest lace Levi had ever seen. The ginger hair had been pinned up, while an elegant pearl necklace showed around her neck. Levi could not say what it was, but she looked different from the day before. More self-confident. Calmer. Her brown eyes were resting on him. Only the reddish shimmer of her cheeks indicated that they had already met. Before Levi could greet her properly, Mr. Middleton proceeded in his explanations.

“This beautiful young woman is my niece, Miss Petra Ral. She came to us not too long ago from Exceter and enlightens our days ever since. She was not at home at the time of your arrival yesterday, so I assume you could not make her acquaintance yet?”

They exchanged a short gaze before Levi carefully eyed the young woman from head to toe. He did not miss that she offered him her hand for a kiss, but he decided on a short bow and a restrained handshake. The smile on her lips faded in an instant.

“We've already met before”, Levi said offhandedly. 

“Indeed we have”, Petra agreed before she raised her brows and gave Levi a mocking look. “Even though the way we made each other's acquaintance was honourable by no means.” She burst out laughing, as clear as a bell and without the sassiness that had inhered her voice the day before. In split seconds Levi's face went blank, while his host raised his brows.

“Oh!”, somebody called out behind them. Levi bit his bottom lip. It was Hange. She did not even try to hide her curiosity. “That sounds like a story that's worth listening to, Miss Ral!”

“Not at all”, Levi interrupted her and turned around. “You would most certainly bore yourself to death.”

The smile on Hange's lips increased. Visibly satisfied she leaned back and folded her arms in front of her chest.

“What amuses me and what bores me is something I can decide very well on my own, my dear. Miss Ral, would you do us the compliment to sweeten us the waiting time until young Mr. Jaeger's arrival?”

Petra raised her hand and tucked one strand of hair behind her ear. The red on her cheeks darkened with every of Hange's words. Petra had obviously only tried to mock Levi, but now she seemed to realise that she had overdone it. 

“I'm not quite sure if this is the right moment”, she began with reluctance, but her cousins seemed to disagree with her.

“Petra!”, it sounded begging from their direction and even Mr. Middleton, who had acted most reluctant so far now placed his second arm around Petra's shoulders and pulled her close as well. Everybody was looking at them. Levi felt visibly uneasy. 

“Well, my dear”, Mr. Middleton began and clicked his tongue in a patronizing manner. “You can't show a horse a carrot and then don't give it to him. Shall we go down unknowingly?” 

Yes, Levi could not help himself from thinking. Yes, you all shall go down unknowingly. Even though he was not aware of any wrongdoing he secretly guessed that those present would think different about what had happened the day prior. In silent awe he watched Petra, who now closed her eyes for a moment before she took a deep breath. 

“Well, if you all inquire me like this I shall not be the one to disappoint you.” She replied Levi's gaze and shrugged helplessly. “You may excuse my loose lips, Dr. Ackerman, but I am not the one responsible for this.” He did not answer. With a face, blank as a stone, he watched her stepping into the middle of the room and beginning with her narration. “When I arrived at home yesterday in the early evening, my dear cousins kindly forgot to inform me about the fact that our lovely visitors had already arrived. I returned to my room to prepare for the night, when I noticed that the soap I usually keep at the washbasin had run short. I did not want to bother the housemaid with this, and therefore I went over to the bathroom myself, in order to get some new soap.”

She raised her hand and pointed with stretched out index finger in the air. The smile on her lips increased with every word. “Some of you will be familiar with this common known fact but for the others I will gladly mention it once more: It is hard to say if somebody is using the bathroom in the moment you enter, since the door will bar your view. Once I had passed through the room and started my search for a fresh soap bar, after a few moments of absolute silence a male voice sounded behind me.” She pulled a wry face until she remarkably equalled Levi in his appearance and proceeded with a lowered voice: “Can I help you, Ma'am?”

Levi's stomach turned into a knot. He looked over to Hange who had bend forward in joyful anticipation. Her face showed a brilliant smile. Most of the surrounding people seemed to already guess what Petra was up to tell – and their faces revealed unhidden amusement. The twins pressed their hands on their lips and merrily giggled into their gloves while Petra went on with her narration. “When I turned around I saw Dr. Ackerman laying in the bathtub. I was so shocked by this frightful sight that I hid myself behind the room divider.” She started to laugh and her voice filled the room in pure joy. 

“Why didn't you just leave through the door?”, Fiona giggled. Or Sophia. Levi was not sure. 

“Because I would have had to pass Dr. Ackerman again.” Everyone in the room showed a broad smile, only Levi was not amused. Even his host, who had by now appeared modest and sincere, could not hide a reluctant grin. “What is about to follow will, and I have to warn you, leave you shocked and disturbed”, she went on and snapped her fingers. “Instead of getting dressed and leaving like it would have been appropriate for a true gentleman, he insisted on finishing his bath. Therefore I found myself caged behind the folding screen and had to wait like a mouse in the trap. Can you believe this?”

On the sofa Hange burst out in roaring laughter. It took her some time until she had finally calmed down again. 

“That truly equals our beloved Doctor”, she gasped and tears of laughter ran over her cheeks. “Oh, Levi.” She looked at him. “Couldn't you have shown some consideration for such a lovely young lady like Miss Ral?”

Levi, who was still standing in one corner of the room, pulled a dismissing face and folded his arms in front of his chest. “She had already seen what could be seen”, he replied drily. “Apart from that there was nothing lady like in her behaviour in this very moment.”

He exchanged a volatile look with Petra and could not oversee the unhidden expression of malicious glee in her eyes. One second later the door to the salon was opened once more and revealed Eren, who, now fully dressed and with huge eyes, appeared in front of them. Visibly confused he looked around. 

“Is everything alright?”, he asked. “I feel like I heard some screams in the hallway.” Unknowingly he referred to Hange's laughter. Relieved about the appearance of his protégé Levi sighed and turned away from the window.

“Yes”, he muttered and went over to Eren. “It was the sound of grief of those who had to wait for you, boy. Let's go.”

  
  


~*~

  
  


The appearance of the streets they were passing after an almost one hour drive had changed. The Middleton family might have been a member of the middle class and therefore represented a solid kind of wealth, but the district which the dinner led them to tonight, was obviously located higher on the ladder of social status. The houses appeared prettier and bigger; some of them were detached with little walls and gardens. Even though Levi had creeped into such districts when he had been a child, he had never seen such splendour before. His place had been the East end of the town, close to the docks, far away from everything people living here considered desirable and respectable. A sigh left his throat, before he let his head sink and leaned against the carriage's window glass. Even though he had avoided London for the quarter of a century, every minute he spend here confronted him with memories he had long believed forgotten. He, who had been staring at the passing buildings now turned toward the ladies, whose chatter and giggling filled the air since they had left the house. They had been too many to go with only one carriage and so they had partitioned the company to different vehicles. Eren, Mr. Middleton and the twins went together, whereas Levi shared the carriage with Hange and Petra. Levi, who would only reluctantly admit such thing, missed the presence of his foster son, since the attention of the ladies now concentrated on his person. Facing him on the other side of the cabin, they carefully observed every of his movements.

“Do you see how he's trying to ignore us?”, Hange asked in a conspirational tone, causing Petra a merry laughter.

“The most satisfaction would be, if we just acted like we did not notice his attempt at all.”

“Even though I do not think he has deserved such a favour from our side, my dearest Miss Ral.”

Levi folded his arms and eyed both of the ladies with raised brows. 

“You certainly must feel bored that you consider it your only possible pastime to mock your innocent companion”, he said in such a dry manner that even Hange noticed the added amount of sarcasm. Petra giggled.

“You can certainly offer an alternative, Dr. Ackerman. Since you are a gentleman it should be your highest concern to provide the present ladies a comfortable coach ride.”

“Well”, Levi began and thereby looked at Petra in the most unimpressed manner, “neither do I know the host in person nor did anybody tell me much about him. Maybe you should go on and broaden my horizon, so my education level will not fall under the undoubtedly little amount that is expected by a person such as myself.”

“What gives you the idea that this could be the case?”, she asked snappishly. 

“Normally that is the way how the high society treats rabble and parvenues like me.”

The young lady furrowed her brows and exchanged an uncertain look with Hange, who looked like nothing could cause her to stop smiling on this evening. She leaned over to Petra and whispered something in her ear which sounded not dissimilar to 'He's the first man of higher education in his family', followed by an understanding nod of Petra. 

“It's certainly not easy when your environment always wants to see you fail, am I right?”, she said in a tone that indicated that this was not unfamiliar to her. Levi, who usually responded quite frankly, for a moment stared at the lady without answering before he could manage it to give her a sign of agreement. 

“When it comes to our beloved host”, Hange joined the conversation, “just act polite, decent and try this one time to not let the evening end in a duel.”

Levi snorted.

“If you insist”, he replied. “Fine.”

  
  


The carriage eventually stopped in front of a detached town house, built in the 18 th century. It did not provide the usual front garden, but Levi suspected some green in the backyard of the house. He had barely left the carriage and set a foot on the ground, when he let his eyes wander over the white plastered facade of the 4 storied building. The front was decorated with marvellous stucco, and the door, made of dark, heavy wood, showed the same design. For a moment only it left him breathless, since he quickly comprehended the order of financial magnitude he would have to deal with during his stay in London. Eren, who stood only a few metres away from him, looked with huge eyes and blank face at what had just been offered to them. 

After a house maid had opened the door and invited them in, she led Levi and the others through a luxurious entrance hall and several hallways in the heart of the building until they reached the Salon. It was a place where twenty and more people could have found a corner without stepping on each others feet. There were two fireplaces made of white marble and in both of them flickered a fire. Rather cold colours and embellishment from earlier times dominated everything, tapestry of dark green silk and furnishings in the colours of almost black ebony. The walls were covered with paintings, obscured by heavy book shelves, mixed up by a framed world map or globe here and there. The ground offered heavy carpets and furthermore the fur of a skinned deer, that had most likely once been brought down during the hunt. Levi looked around and did not miss the fact that the amount of hunting trophies easily outnumbered the paintings.

The girl that had brought them here made a stiff bow.

“A Dr. Ackerman, a Mr. Jaeger, a Mr. Middleton, a Miss Middleton, a Miss Middleton, a Miss Zoe and a Miss Ral, Sir.”

Not far away from the left fireplace Levi discovered a sitting suite, formed by two sofas and several armchairs on which a hand full of people Levi did not know had already taken place. There was a young woman of slender, remarkable huge shape, whose icy blue eyes were calmly resting on the new arrivals. Very fair blonde hair framed her heart shaped face in gentle waves. She embodied a silent intelligence that could not be seen too often in women of her class. Next to her, holding her hand, another lady, with a slim face, blonde hair of a darker nuance, dressed in an opulent evening gown of bordeaux red silk. Her cheeks shimmered in a warm red and a sincere smile showed on her lips. Sitting on the armchair next to her there was the master of the house who now got up and approached them rapidly. His face was narrow with razor sharp cheekbones that seemed to cut their way through his skin. Dark hair, that was shorter on the sides gave him the appearance of a halfway plucked chicken, only underlined by the poor excuse of a beard that could hardly be recognised as such. He was tall but so slender that he looked skinny. Levi immediately noticed the narrow eyes and his cold gaze, that gave him a stoic, unagitated outward appearance. On his left hand shimmered a golden signet ring. He looked like a person who knew his place in society fairly well and expected the same from his fellow human beings. Levi was not sure what to think of him. 

“I am so pleased that you could offer some spare time”, he began and greeted Mr. Middleton, then the twins, Petra and finally Hange, who he treated especially sincere. “It is a pleasure to see you again”, he said to her. She replied his remark with a broad smile.

“The pleasure is all mine”, she started babbling. “It has been way too long since we could talk from face to face my dear.”

Thereupon Hange stepped back, pointing with an inviting gesture on Levi and Eren.

“May I introduce my fellow companions?”, she smiled. “Dr. Levi Ackerman and Mr. Eren Jaeger. They also live in Brighthampton and have used the opportunity to accompany me on this journey.”

The master of the house nodded. He suggested a thin smile. 

“I am very glad to welcome you to my modest home, Dr. Ackerman.” He nodded towards Levi and his foster son, who replied this gesture quite shortly. “My Name is Nile Dawk.”

“The pleasure is all mine”, Levi answered reservedly and gave Eren, who stood next to him, a meaningful look. The boy cleared his throat.

“Thank you very much for inviting us, Sir”, he said.

“Don't mention it”, Nile replied and raised his hand. “Miss Zoe's friends are my friends.”

He could not manage it to hide the mere politeness that was covered by his words in a way that Levi would not notice it. Petra, who seemed to be saturated by all the courtesy behaviour, left the small group and headed toward the ladies on the sofa, who, by now, had raised as well. Levi gave Eren a nod; together with Hange they followed her. 

“Oh, Miss Zoe, it truly has been way too long”, began the lady in the bordeaux red dress. The blue eyed lady agreed. “It is”, she said, “it definitely is.”

“Oh, Nanaba”, Hange laughed and gently touched the latter on the shoulder. “You are getting prettier and prettier with every of my visits in London. How do you do this?”

“You are making fun of me.”

“Not at all, my dear.”

Nanaba smiled in friendly mockery and folded her arms, while the lady in red started to laugh in the most lovely manner.

“She still keeps rejecting every admirer, you know?”, she said toward Hange, immediately being disciplined by her friend.

“Well”, Nanaba began coldly, “not everyone can be as blessed as you, my dearest Miss Dawk. Hange, why don't you tell us the names of your charming companions? Over such a wide distance we could hardly understand what you just said to Mr. Dawk.”

As inquired Hange told them the names of both men, who once more introduced themselves, once more bowed in front of the others and once more were eyed critically. Hange had barely shut her mouth, when the twins called out for her and Petra. They had, now that Armin Arlert was not present, started to take care of the guest's amusement and sat down at the piano. Apparently they had intended to play music sheets Hange had once sent them from Brighthampton, but now they seemed to have a problem. Helplessly, Hange shrugged, while Petra went ahead.

“Well”, she began and turned away with a smile, “Dr. Ackerman is now officially all yours, my dear ladies.”

Silently Levi watched his friend leave, then a soundless sigh left his lips, while Eren, embarrassed by so much beauty, blushed under the ladies' curious staring. Impish and clumsy as boys his age were, Miss Dawk and Nanaba considered him too adorable to let him go, and before Levi knew it, they had taken the boy under their wings, touching his hair and adjusting his clothes. Only when Levi raised his brows they stepped back, whereupon the lady of the house offered Levi her hand.

“Since Miss Zoe had to leave us so suddenly”, she said and her smile broadened, “I will take the freedom to introduce myself. My name is Mary, and I am the wife of Mr. Dawk.”

With a motionless face Levi looked back and forth between her and their host, his brows furrowed. Such a beautiful lady accompanied by such an unadorned husband. Money, he could not help himself from thinking, had brought together many a couple. He had barely let go of her hand, when Nanaba grabbed his. Now, where she stood directly in front of him, he finally realised how tall she really was. Self-confidently her eyes rested on him. 

“This”, Mary proceeded, “is Miss Nanaba Smith.”

“How delightful”, Levi answered, while his stomach tightened into a knot when he noticed her last name. She smiled a thin smile. 

“You already had the pleasure to be introduced to my older brother?”, she asked.

“Your brother?”, Eren asked amazed, causing Nanaba to nod. 

“Yes, Commander Erwin Smith.”

For a moment Levi pressed his lips together. Only the mentioning of this man reminded him of the fact that it was only a matter of time until he would meet him in person. It was unavoidable. 

“Yes”, he replied reluctantly, “we happened to meet the one or another time during his stay in Brighthampton.”

„That is quite an understatement. Dr. Ackerman and Commander Smith grew really clo-“, Eren burst out, but one glare of Levi hushed him immediately.

“I would have loved to accompany them, but to be the only woman on a solitude estate, only surrounded by men who are so busy with themselves – it can be rather boring, don't you agree?”, said Nanaba, who kindly seemed to overhear what Eren had just said.

“You most certainly would have found a way to distract yourself, ma'am”, Levi replied.

Her smile broadened.

“Possibly”, she said and Levi did not overhear the amusement in her voice. “The absence from London though was exactly what my brother needed the most, my absence included as well. It was only good and right to let him go.” She turned her head a little to the side, while a few of her golden curls shifted in her face and carefully eyed Levi, whose gaze progressively cooled down.

“He is a man who needs his freedom, that's definitely not much of a secret”, he replied coldly and without much pleasure, causing the ladies to burst out in merry laughter.

“No doubt”, said Nanaba, “you truly know him, Dr. Ackerman. But when it comes to your frank personality my brother has hardly understated. Certainly your quibbles get you into trouble a lot, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Commander Smith would not have challenged me to a duel without reason, ma'am.”

The smile vanished from her face in an instant, while Mary covered her mouth with her hands in shock. Both ladies exchanged a horrified gaze. Certainly Mike and Erwin had  _ forgotten _ to mention this anecdote after their return to London. How typical.

“He did what?”, Nanaba asked under breath. Levi clicked his tongue and lowered his gaze.

“Let me just say that our first meeting did not turn out to be as pleasant as he had hoped it to be.”

Talking about Erwin made him feel uncomfortable. He did not want to be rude, but he already guessed that he favoured even the company of the twins when it would spare him from spending time with this man or people that formed his closest companions. Visibly seeking for help he looked around until he discovered Petra, who stood alone on the other end of the room, while silently listening to the twin's piano play. Their gazes met in the dim twilight, rewarded with a thin smile of her. 

“If you would excuse me for a moment, Miss Smith, Miss Dawk.”

Levi indicated a bow, then turned to go. He had barely passed the room halfway, when the wing doors to the salon were opened once more. Two gentlemen entered the room. Nobody introduced them, which meant that they had attended this society even before Levi's arrival, but had disappeared for a little while, for whatever reason that might have been. It was a very tall man with ash blonde hair and a chin beard, whose massive body was covered by garments in brown hues. His companion, a little shorter in size, but still tall, whose gold blonde hair shimmered in the candle light, wore a dark blue tailcoat, a crème, striped waistcoat and beige pantaloons Levi knew just too well. They moved rapidly and were obviously in a merry mood, since both their faces showed a warm smile. Levi turned pale. This man in blue – of course it was Erwin Smith. He though had not taken notice of him so far. Instead, his eyes searched for the host's gaze. 

“And, did the gentlemen like it?”, Nile shouted across the room toward the others. The taller of them, no one but Mike Zacharias himself, answered.

“Can't believe they really sold you the Gainsborough, you god damn dog!”, he laughed at the top of his voice, whereas Erwin shook his head, smirking. 

“A nice painting, even though I don't want to know what kind of enormous sum you had to pay for this”, he agreed with his friend. “Still, though, it fits perfectly in your library, Nile.”

He looked over to the piano, discovered the twins and Petra, whose presence he noticed with a cheerful nod, then, finally, his gaze struck Levi, who stood barely two metres away from him. The joyful expression on his face immediately froze to a mask of unhidden surprise. As if somebody had stopped the time, the room fell silent. 

The commander opened his mouth, first forming a silent 'L', like 'Levi' with his lips, but reconsidered his decision and refrained from doing so. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, he whispered under breath and Mike, who did not appear less surprised than his friend and comrade, silently let his gaze wander back and forth between those two. “I would have hardly expected you here.”

“Same goes for you, Commander Smith”, Levi muttered, whose heart had started to beat so fast that he could hear his blood rush in his veins. They stared at each other, uncertain on what to say, how to deal with each other, until eventually a smile showed on Erwin's face, so suddenly and awkward, that it made Levi shiver. Mike, who had appeared loose and carefree until this very moment, stared at Levi, his lips only forming a thin line, even though his eyes did not inhere the coldness they had shown during the last ball. In the background Nile raised to speak. 

“Since the gentlemen seem to have made each other's acquaintance before, a formal introduction can be considered unnecessary”, he went on and clapped his hands, whereupon the girl's piano play died away. “Since we are now fully gathered we can start with the first course. If you would be so kind to follow me to the dining room.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening my fellow readers,
> 
> it feels so nice to be back again. Thank you very much for your patience! I had quite an exciting month, since I could spend a few weeks in Japan (pics can be seen on my Insta or Twitter), visiting old friends and making some new, meet the supervisor for my graduation thesis and, of course, improve my Japanese and eat lots of tasty stuff. Finally I had the chance to search for the Doujinshi that became really dear to me, and I was able to find some of my favourites. YEAH! But now I'm back to rainy Europe and - tadaaaa - autumn has arrived. I love autumn. How about you? I want to snuggle on the sofa, writing and drinking tea, while it's cold and rainy outside. So cosy.
> 
> Of course I could not lean back and do nothing - I'm too much of Erwin when it comes to this - so just in case you haven't noticed, I uploaded another OS. I also reorganized my Patreon account. Patreons will from now on be able to access the chapter one week before I upload them officially. Details can be seen on my Patreon page. Of course my fiction is and always will be free.
> 
> As usual, new illustrations have been added to Dr. Ackerman's Tumblr blog.
> 
> I think that's it so far. From now on I will be rather busy again, so I might only be able to upload new chapters once a month. This will certainly change once the German version of SmdS is done and I can fully concentrate on translating. 
> 
> Stuff I liked about this chapter:  
> 1\. Levi's wish that they should go down unknowingly.  
> 2\. Petra's speach  
> 3\. Erwin's arrival
> 
> It's good to have Erwin back again. From now it gets interesting... I wonder how they will deal with all of this.
> 
> As usual thank you very much for all the nice comments and reviews. I saw some of you even referred to me on Twitter, which honestly made me blush. The best things happen unexpectedly.
> 
> See you next time!  
> HerrKirschbaum (who will creep into bed now)


	15. Dining Out. Part 2

Although the evening had begun in the most cheerful manner, the atmosphere had noticeably changed since Levi's and Erwin's meeting. Levi had taken care of being seated as far away as possible from Erwin during the dinner itself. Furthermore he had barely participated in the conversations that took place, what, and he was very well aware of that fact, would leave bad first impression amongst those he had been introduced not too long ago. Erwin as well had acted calmer and more reluctant than it was normal for him. Only the Middletons and Hange chatted merrily as usual and it was due to their efforts that they did not have to dine in awkward silence. 

As it should be, they retreated to the salon after dinner, to bring the day to a close in each other's company. Hange, Miss Dawk and Nanaba had soon taken a seat on the sofa, where they involved each other into a lively discussion. From time to time happy laughter could be heard from them. Levi, who was leaning alone against one of the bookshelves and carefully watched Erwin's sister, could not deny that she equalled her brother in many ways. Both inhered a stiff, severe way of acting, even though behind their icy blue eyes they hid a determination, hot as fire. 

Levi looked over to Petra, who stood next to the piano by their cousins, carefully selecting the sheets of music the twins were about to play. Apart from their awful first meeting she appeared to be a decent and friendly person. Even now, when she pointed on the sheets here and there, talking to her cousins, a gentle smile could always be seen on her face. Right now she embodied the sincerity that was so typical for this family and which had not left her out after all. A few minutes later Eren came over and took her place, whereas she discovered Levi on the other side of the hall and approached him. With a defiant grin she leaned next to him against the shelves' dark wood, silently eying him from head to toe. 

“Are you enjoying yourself so far, Dr. Ackerman?”

“Well”, he replied without looking at her, “apart from Hange's endless monologues over maritime subforms of the Miyosotis...”

He took his glass from the shelf, where he had placed it earlier and took a sip, while his gaze thoughtfully wandered over the present people. 

“What are you drinking there, Sir?”, she asked when the liquor had barely touched his lips. 

“Whiskey.”

Her smile increased, while her stare intensified in a way that made him feel more and more uncomfortable. 

“Would you have the kindness to share?”, she finally broke the silence and left Levi baffled. He raised his head and finally replied her look, which inhered a demanding expression, so strong that it made him raise his brows. Not even Hange had ever shown such a determination in his presence. She stepped closer and lowered her voice until it equaled a conspirational whisper. “Most people do not consider it appropriate for a lady to drink alcohol that actually tastes like some, you know?”

“Shall I go and get you some peppermint liqueur?”, Levi asked unimpressed and took another sip of his whiskey. In the meanwhile, Petra shivered.

“Good grief, please, no”, she laughed and her slender fingers closed around the wooden shelves. Only now Levi eventually noticed that they both were of equal body height. And even though she wore pretty dresses and jewellery it could not hide the fact that there was nothing lady like about her. “I was already tired of those sweet drinks before I grew up”, she remarked casually and followed Levi's gaze, which was now resting on the remaining gentlemen at the other end of the room. Those were sitting at a side table not far away from the second fire place to the right side of the entrance door. Erwin, who had not attempted to address Levi since their accidental meeting, took out a deck of cards from the chest pocket of his tailcoat and started to hand them out. 

“You could consider a sip of whiskey as a compensation”, Petra insisted. Levi furrowed his brows and gave her a meaningful look. 

“For what? For my nudity?”, he muttered irritatedly. For a second she looked at him with huge eyes, then, suddenly, she burst out in roaring laughter, what, in view of her reaction the day prior, affronted him even more. His face blank he eyed the young lady, who in the end covered her mouth with her hands, trying to hush herself, blushing due to the surprised looks of the surrounding people. Such an open minded and pure laughter was something he hadn't heard for a very long time. 

One last time Levi looked at his glass. She would probably not even like it. It had taken himself years of drinking and training to get used to the sharp taste of high-proof liquor. 

“There you go”, he muttered and handed the glass over to her, in order to finally reduce her to silence. She took a sip, remarked a casual compliment over the sweetish outflow and woody basic tone – something Levi was very much agreeing with in secret – and intended to give it back to him afterwards. He, though, folded his arms in front of his chest and leaned back.

“Keep it”, was all he said. 

She looked back and forth between him and the glass and in the end smiled despite herself. When Levi gazed at her the next time, he felt as if she was standing closer to him than seconds before. Silently she looked at her finger nails. 

“What brings you to London after all, Dr. Ackerman? Are you fond of travelling? I usually thought physicians were quite busy gentlemen?”

“They normally are”, he answered short tempered, trying not to eye her in unhidden curiosity. “But you certainly know how things turn out if Hange has set her mind on something.” Petra nodded understandingly. 

“Sounds like they brought you here in chains”, she smirked.

“This suspicion is closer to reality than you might think.”

“Have you ever been in London before, though?”

“I grew up in London.”

For a moment only her eyes started to sparkle. Her enthusiasm vanished in an instant, once she noticed Levi's grim expression.

“Well”, she muttered, as if she was afraid she could have lost him for this conversation, “you will certainly not have left this city for no reason.”

“Of course not”, Levi replied, who now looked back and forth between her and the other gentlemen. “But that was long ago. I was still a child then.” For a second their eyes met in the candle's dim light. She gave him a smile that Levi found himself unable to reply. He lowered his gaze and fell silent for a long time.

“However – if those things Miss Zoe mentioned about you earlier were true you should take care of yourself”, Petra remarked eventually and readjusted the scarf she had placed around her shoulders. Levi raised his head and carefully eyed her up and down, while she kept looking at the other guests.

“Why should I?”, he asked silently. 

“Since you are a parvenue.” She lowered her voice. “You and your teenage companion are not descended from this noble society, am I right?”

Levi pulled a wry face.

“What gave you this idea?”

“You always show this vigilant, almost haunted gaze people develop when they have to expect anything at anytime. Your manners are surely presentable, but you could load ships at the docks just as well. If necessary you know how to assert yourself and if this is not possible in peaceful ways you know how help yourself. They will play with you to let you down afterwards.” She nodded toward the table. “Those rich men do not tolerate new arrivals within their ranks.”

“If I didn't know better I would consider this an insult.” Levi snorted. It sounded so cold, that Petra's smile faded. “Still though, someone of your upbringing will hardly have ever had the chance to stroll around the docks unaccompanied, Miss Ral.”

She disapprovingly raised her brows, emptying the glass with one long gulp. The smile, though, remained on her lips.

“You sure know little”, she said in such a teasing manner that Levi's eyes widened slightly. He felt as if he had hit a wounded spot of hers without intending and so he refrained from forcing his way into her thoughts any further. Instead he raised his head and looked over to the remaining gentlemen, who were gathered playing cards. 

Once more it looked like this round was about to end on Erwin's behalf, since he pulled up a small pile of coins, at which time his friends dropped their cards with an irritated moan. Erwin suggested a volatile smile, hardly visible and still such an characteristic attribute that Levi could not help himself from staring at him with a heavily beating heart. 

“It seems like Commander Smith once more has the luck on his side”, Petra said after a period of mutual silence. It did not sound like praise. 

“Yes”, Levi replied. “Life itself is only a gamble for him. It remains to be hoped that his winning streak won't leave him one day.”

Suddenly he felt strangely sad. Unable to move he looked at the card shuffling commander, until he finally raised his head and looked over to Levi. Silently Levi bit his bottom lip. 

“How about you, Dr. Ackerman?”, asked Nile, who sat vis-à-vis to Erwin and pointed at one of the remaining chairs. 

“Give up”, Erwin replied before Levi could open his mouth, letting his gaze rest on the physician while speaking. “Towards us Dr. Ackerman has made his opinion about playing cards quite clear already months ago.”

Levi's eyes narrowed.

“Don't you think you should leave decisions that concern me – to me?”, Levi joined the conversation, who stepped away from the book shelf and approached the others. “With what kind of buffooneries are you whiling away the time, gentlemen?”

“It depends”, Erwin replied.

“On what?”

The smile on Erwin's lips increased. 

“On whether you join us or not.”

“Well”, the physician began and furrowed his brows. “what if I played?”

“In that case”, the commander stopped shuffling the cards and fanned them out in front of him on the tabletop with a skilful gesture, “we would play Whist.”

“Are you familiar with this game?”, Nile addressed Levi. 

“Quite.”

Still Levi stared at the commander, who was still replying his gaze and pointed at the table with an engaging smile.

“Draw a card, doctor.”

Whist was a card game for four people. By drawing a card a person simultaneously determined his task and sitting place for the following round. Sitting vis-à-vis were: Mike and Nile, furthermore Levi and Erwin. They would form the pairs for this party, only set on chasing the other duo's trump cards. After Nile had handed out the cards he took the top card from the remaining pile and placed it face up on the table. 

“Heart is trump”, Erwin announced after a look on the card deck. “Dr. Ackerman begins.”

“How far will we play?”, Nile asked and looked at his hand cards. 

“Until five”, Erwin responded. “Or am I mistaken?”

Mile nodded.

“Yes, until five. Dr. Ackerman?”

He fanned up his cards and arranged them after their worth. 

“I don't care. Just do as you please.”

“So five it is”, Erwin grinned and greeted Petra with a short nod, who had approached them and stopped behind Levi's chair. Without saying anything she placed a hand on his backrest.

The game began. They remained highly concentrated for a couple of rounds. It did not take long until Erwin and Levi claimed the lead for themselves, but they could not keep their pace. After four rounds Mike and Nile had caught up. Petra, who curiously watched every of Levi's moves, appeared progressively restless. Her fingers drummed on his backrest. When she finally opened her mouth during the fifth round, only gasping for air instead of saying anything, Erwin paused his turn.

“Is something the matter, Miss Ral?”, he asked calmly, causing the lady an embarrassed smile. Her cheeks showed a reddish shimmer.

“Well, I probably would not have chosen this card”, she mocked the physician, who let his cards sink and turned around to her.

“So?”, he asked irritatedly, visibly not pleased over the election of his team partner and the lost lead. “What would have been the card of your choice, Miss Ral?”

She reached out and wordlessly pointed at one card in his hand. To his disapproval he had to admit that she was right.

“Thank you very much”, he muttered and only strengthened her good mood. 

“Maybe you should take over Dr. Ackerman's position, Miss Ral”, Mike scoffed amusedly but not without friendliness. “Not that we wouldn't love to win, though.”

“But a victory achieved under hard labour exceeds one that just fell into one's lap”, Nile proved him true. 

According to the mockeries against his person Levi pulled a wry face. 

“You don't want to cost us the victory, doctor?”, Erwin asked gently and gave him a smile, but Levi avoided his gaze.

“Do I look like this to you, Smith?”

“Well, well.” From the other end of the table sounded Erwin's characteristic laughter. “Take care of him for me, Miss Ral.”

“I'd be glad to, Commander Smith.”

They exchanged a volatile smile and for a moment Levi remained unmoved, unable to loosen his gaze from the soldier. This calmness he inhered. The shining of his blue eyes in the dim light of the candles. For a second only Erwin looked over to him and their eyes met. After that Nile raised his voice. 

“Say, Dr. Ackerman, Erwin mentioned you were not from this area?”

“That's the case”, Levi replied, who now again concentrated on his hand cards.

“How interesting”, Nile muttered and discarded a card. “Have you played Whist there as well, Dr. Ackerman?”

“Where?”

“Well, where you grew up.” Nile smiled, but it appeared quite sincere. “For somebody who, according to your own words, does not play often, you are doing remarkably well.”

“Ah.” Levi's eyes slightly narrowed. Whist was a card game that was common amongst gentlemen, a pastime of the high society. Nobody around the docks used to play such sophisticated card games. Only his foster father had taught him this game back then. “I actually happen to be from London, Mr. Dawk. I only moved to Brighthampton at the age of ten.”

Nile nodded without looking directly at the physician. For a moment he seemed to think about whether it would be a good idea to inquire any further. 

“May I ask in which part of the city you grew up?”

Levi's lips suddenly thinned to a barely visible line. He did not miss the meaningful looks Erwin and Mike addressed towards their host over their hand cards. Silently Levi placed the Queen of Hearts in the middle of the table. Trump.

“In the East End.”

A tense atmosphere spread amongst those present. Only Nile nodded from time to time, approvingly pursing his lips. When he finally raised his head and looked directly at Levi, his brown eyes rested on him without any visible warmth.

“A doctor from the East End?”, he asked. “Something like this is truly uncommon, isn't it?”

“Well”, Levi began, who slowly grew tired of this conversation, “this may be due to the fact that people born there usually do not attend university and become a doctor, Mr. Dawk.”

Mile, who sat vis-à-vis to Nile, sighed and exchanged a meaningful look with Erwin, who silently witnessed this scene with a blank expression. In the meanwhile Levi slowly realised that the only reason why he had been invited here was probably in order to do Hange a favour. Since nobody made the attempts to say something, Nile proceeded.

“You're certainly not mistaken. How about your siblings? Do they also had the fortune to enjoy such a remarkable education such as yours?” He once more discarded a card. “Your parents must be very proud of you.”

With every word that left Niles lips Levi grabbed the cards even harder until a gentle, hardly visible trembling had taken over his hands. Levi doubted that anyone had informed Nile about the circumstances of his growing up and yet Nile managed it to blindly put his finger on the weak points of his past. Suddenly the drumming of Petra's fingers faded and Levi looked up to her. Her eyes sparkled in silent fury. Slowly, Nile let his cards sink.

“Can I help you, Miss Ral?”, he asked casually. She shook her head.

“By no means”, she replied full of sarcasm. “How could I ask for anything since we have such a generous host that takes care of all of our needs?”

A sigh left the physician's throat, who felt slightly reminded on that one evening that had ended with a duel. Silently he looked at the last remaining card in his hand, until he found the chance to play it. 

“Trump”, he said and nonchalantly changed the topic. “Thus the victory of this game goes to Commander Smith and me, gentlemen.”

Erwin, who collected the remaining cards, smirked.

“Seems as if we could eventually thwart your victory before it could fall into your laps”, he remarked visibly amused. 

“Maybe this time”, Mike agreed and took the cards away from his friend. Afterwards he started to shuffle them for another round. When he was just about to hand them out, Levi pushed back his chair and stood up. He had enough. Enough of these soldiers and his impertinent host. 

“Excuse me”, he said, but Mike, who now skilfully let the cards jump from one hand to another, did not give up on him so easily. 

“We could wait for you, doctor”, he said.

“Thank you but no”, Levi refrained and took his glass away from Petra, who was still holding it. “But Miss Ral's way of playing is certainly handier than mine. Be a gentleman and allow her to join your ranks.”

He did not wait for an answer, but turned around and left the others. Nile Dawk was, Levi knew this now, nobody he would bother to waste his time with in the future. With rapid movements he passed the salon and eventually stopped in front of a huge commode made of almost black ebony, on which someone had arranged different liquors in artfully decorated bottles. He took the crystal carafe that contained whiskey and poured himself some. When he placed the bottle back at the table, suddenly a hand that was not his own appeared in his field of view and reached for it. The hand belonged to Erwin. He had followed him and now poured himself some whiskey as well. Thereby he stood so close next to Levi, that their shoulders touched almost. The physician took his glass and turned to leave.

“Levi.”

His fingers silently clenched harder around the colourless crystal. Facing Erwin with his back he hesitated, yet did not say anything. He felt the commander's gaze on his body and held his breath. His heart was beating. His hands felt wet. 

“Levi”, Erwin tried it once more, while he tried to keep his voice low. “Please wait.”

The physician moaned inside, before he made up his mind and turned around. But even though he replied Erwin's gaze, his face equalled a mask of chilly distance. 

“For the fact that you did not bother to show a sign of life for about two months you certainly are quite talkative tonight, Smith.”

Holding the carafe still in his hands, Erwin lowered his gaze for a moment. He appeared as if only addressing Levi like this was something he had to overcome himself for. 

“I know what you must think of me”, he whispered and interrupted himself, searching for the right words. “And there was nothing I would have loved more than to contact you – but please believe me, there were certain reasons and duties that kept me from doing so.”

“Reasons, duties”, Levi repeated Erwin's words not without contempt. “You obtained my trust and then disappeared as if nothing had happened. Do you really think I would allow anyone to treat me like this? Or that I welcome you with open arms after you insulted me in such a shameless manner?” He gave a derogatory snort. “I consider you intelligent enough to answer this question yourself.”

Erwin let go of the bottle and pulled wry face. Silent melancholy was showing in his eyes.

“Levi.” He breathed his name more than actually speaking it. Involuntarily Levi's grip tightened around his glass. With the remaining hand he reached for his cravat. In contrary to the summer ball it was not the one Erwin had given to him back then. For a second he struggled with himself, but in the end Levi replied Erwin's gaze.

“Tell me one thing, Smith”, he whispered.

“Whatever you need to know.”

“On that ball night – you already knew about your return to London, am I right?” One look in Erwin's face proved Levi's suspicion to be correct. The physician shook his head. “I see”, he muttered, an unbelieving smile showing on his lips. “I don't know what kept you from treating me with the honesty I deserve, but-”

“You are still doubting my sincerity?”, Erwin whispered and honest outrage could be heard in his voice. “After everything we went through to get here? Because I did not contact you? It's been only two months and I had my reasons. I thought you trusted me.”

“That doesn't change anything. You  _ betrayed _ me. You betrayed me and let me down.”

“Levi.”

The commander approached him but Levi stepped back. 

“Your actions speak for themselves, Smith. The short time we could live through together in Brighthampton equals the time of your absence, don't you agree with me?”

“No, not at all.” With every syllabi Erwin's voice sounded more determined. “If you would only let me explain. I ask you. There is something I need to discuss with you, before-”

Suddenly the sound of something heavy dropping at the ground sounded behind them. Split seconds later the screams of the twins filled the air and ended their conversation. Surprised Levi turned around. Hastily his eyes wandered around. Not far away from the gaming table on one of the carpets, laid Petra and was not moving anymore. Hange and Eren had already jumped up and rushed for her aid. Without looking at Erwin once more, Levi left him and ran over to the others. 

“Back off”, he said in a tone that would not allow any backtalk. “Back off, give her some air.” He kneeled next to her on the ground and carefully tucked the strands of ginger hair out of her face. Gently he patted her cheeks. No reaction. He exchanged a volatile look with Eren, who kneeled next to him on the ground. 

“What happened?”, he asked the boy but it was Nile who answered.

“She remarked that she was not feeling well – and when she stood up to go for some fresh air, she had already collapsed.”

He appeared honestly worried about her. Levi nodded, reached out for her wrist joint, searching for her pulse with a look on his pocket watch. A fainting fit. Nothing he had not seen earlier amongst women her age. And still he furrowed his brows. Once more he touched her face. It was warm, her cheeks rosy. The pulse was of normal speed. For a moment he let his gaze rest on the young lady, then once more addressed his host. 

“Do you have a room where she can have some rest?”

Nile nodded.

“Let's bring her to one of the bedrooms. Should I inquire for a doctor? It would fill me with grief if this incident would prevent you from having a jolly evening.”

“I'm fine”, Levi answered and shook his head. “And I'll stay with her. It's nothing serious after all.”

 

It was Mike, who carried Petra to the guest room and Levi followed them. One last time he had passed Erwin, who had watched him leave with a blank face. 

One single candle was burning on the room's bedside table, whose countless corners and angles were covered by shadow. Next to the bed, on its left side, there was a bay window, which's windows had been opened. 

“If there is anything you need, let me know”, Nile, who had accompanied them bid his farewell, now leaving the room together with Mike. For a moment Levi looked around, then folded his arms in front of his chest and turned around.

“Miss Ral?”

He did not receive and answer. Visibly irritated the physician raised his brows and stepped closer toward the bed. “You can open your eyes now, except for me everybody's gone.”

She blinked. With a certain dizziness her eyes wandered around, finally resting on Levi, who eyed her with lacking enthusiasm.

“Where am I?”, she asked reluctantly.

“Spare your acting skills for the gentlemen downstairs”, he interrupted her and started to swear once he realised he had forgotten his whiskey in the salon. 

“Erwin shall have it”, he muttered and eventually looked over to Petra, who had by now sat up and watched him silently. A shy smile appeared on her lips, but Levi decided to ignore it.

“Do you always simulate fainting fits when you get bored? You are actually to old for such childish tricks, Miss Ral.”

The smile on her lips faded in an instant. 

“You are the first one to notice this, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Well, the  _ doctor _ in my name is not mere decoration, Miss Ral.”

“Well, to be honest with you”, she began hesitantly and removed the blankets that covered her body. “I could not get rid of the impression a small pause from this evening society would be something you actually appreciated, Sir.”

“I?”, Levi whispered unbelievingly, who now grabbed one of the surrounding chairs and sat down between bed and bay window. His legs crossed, one arm casually hanging down the backrest, he loosened his cravat and opened the upper button of his waistcoat.

“Yes”, she proceeded and could not refrain from blushing under his piercing stare. “Mr. Dawks intimidating way to treat you and your conversation with Commander Smith did not appear what someone would imagine under a happy evening amongst friends. Your facial expression spoke for itself, Dr. Ackerman.”

“You are as bold as brass”, Levi muttered irritatedly. “Bold as brass and absolutely impertinent.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You are obviously out of your mind”, Levi continued, who felt more outrageous with every word. “To fake a fainting only to-”

“To save you?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but instead of words an surprised look was everything he could give her. 

“Saving is slightly exaggerated in this context, don't you think so? I'm a grown man, I don't need to be rescued by wealthy single ladies.”

“Fine.” She got up and went over to the window bay, where she sat down on one of the patted benches. “If that's your opinion I shall spare you my help next time. Then you can stew in your displeasure just as I had to do behind the folding screen yesterday afternoon.”

They fell silent. Both looked out of the window up to the star covered sky, until Levi finally snipped his fingers.

“I wish I had brought my whiskey with me”, he muttered towards himself, whereupon Petra burst out laughing. Surprised, the physician raised his head. 

“You are not alone with that thought, Dr. Ackerman.”

She gave him a satisfied smile, before she once more looked up in the night sky. Levi, who was sitting only a few yards away from her, silently watched her.

“It surprises me that you find yourself able share one room with me, unaccompanied by the others”, he remarked finally and not without mockery. “After all the things that have happened yesterday.”

Petra's cheeks turned red. 

“Well”, she began and then shrugged. “You are fully dressed, which marks an advancement compared to our meeting yesterday. Therefore I absolutely see no reason why I should not be able to talk with you on my own. I have already seen what could be seen.”

A thin smile showed on Levi's lips. 

“Such wise words, Miss Ral.”

“Right? I heard that they are from a grumpy English physician who once left the countryside to return to his place of birth in London.”

He looked at her hands. She did not wear a ring.

“You're from London? You don't speak the accent”, he remarked casually. 

“No”, she replied, “I'm from Exceter.”

“What brings a young woman such as yourself from Exceter to London?” He, who would have never traded his life on the countryside against a living in London, could not understand this. “Don't they have appropriate men in Exceter so you had to come all the way to London?”

She smiled in amusement, but once Levi looked closer, it appeared artificial and tormented. She weighed her head back and forth as if she was searching for the right words.

“My parents hoped London would turn me into the obedient and good daughter they had always wished to have. The number of men who would marry a girl that's more skilful playing cards and also hard drinking is, as you may know yourself, truly manageable.”

“Hard drinking, you say?” The physician raised his brows. He did not believe her one single word. “You certainly talk big for a woman, Miss Ral. You do know that such speeches usually need to be accompanied by proper actions?”

“I'll go along with that, Dr. Ackerman.”

They exchanged a look and Levi, who could not interpret the way she was looking at him, finally let his fingers run through his hair.

“We should go back”, he said.

“Have some patience with me”, she sighed and the smile on her lips faded. “And let me stay here only for a few more minutes, Sir. You know yourself how tiring it can be if you stick out.” She carefully tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “All these empty and meaningless conversations. The other's desire of self-glorification. The gossip. I don't care if people avoid me if they would only leave me alone.”

He was very familiar with her way of talking. And so the physician lowered his gaze and granted her her wish. Together they remained like this, until Petra raised her voice after a few minutes of absolute silence. 

“Sometimes I wish I was born a bird.”

“A bird?”

“Yes. I could spread out my wings and fly away. My wings of freedom.”

“Where?”

“I don't care. Everywhere is fine. To be able to go where you want to go, when you want to go – it's a freedom not everyone has the luck to possess.” She laughed, but it sounded nervous. She looked away from the sky and over to him. “You certainly know this feeling yourself, don't you?”

“Yes.”

He bit his bottom lip. How often had he thought the same things? Back then, on London's streets, when everything he wished for was to return to a home that did not exist anymore. But also during his early years in Brighthampton. He hated filth, had always hated it. The human body and its excretions had always filled him with disgust. And still he had become a physician, knowing that the short life as a guttersnipe would have been the only alternative. The thought to be of any use for the people that surrounded him filled him with pride. But even now, from time to time, there was the urge to leave everything and wander around, though he was too old to follow such childish wishes. 

“Everybody has a place in this society, Miss Ral”, he said.

“This is certainly true”, she whispered and nodded thoughtfully. 

“Say, Dr. Ackerman”, she said and interrupted herself, only proceeding when Levi raised his brows. “If someone like you, worked his way from the gutter to the top of society – do you think that even a girl like me can find a place, where she can live undisturbed and peacefully?”

“There already is such a place, Miss Ral. It's called marriage.”

Saying so he seemed to have blindly spoken out the wrong words. Visibly offended Petra's finger grabbed the fabric of her dress and her eyes turned wet. In the attempt to keep her countenance she looked out of the window. Levi lowered his gaze and pulled a wry face. His heart felt heavy. Why did she tell her most intimate wishes and hopes a man who she had only met the day before? He could not understand her. Was it his origin? His pragmatic way of dealing with things? Or that she believed that there was nobody else around who could understand her? He felt a flight graze of compassion – but on the other side was overstrained by her unlimited openness towards him. 

“I am sorry if I have to disappoint you, Miss Ral”, he finally began, “but I as well can only be with you tonight because I was very lucky once. That's all.”

 

When they returned to the salon they were expected already. The ladies still sat on the sofa, while the gentlemen were playing cards. It felt as if they had never been gone at all. Only Erwin, Levi noticed that right away, was absent. Levi let his gaze wander around, but the commander could not be seen anywhere. 

“Do you feel better, Miss Ral?”, asked Miss Dawk with a warm smile. “Feel free to stay over night. Maybe it would be better if you would rest properly before you return back home.”

Petra, whose cheeks were still shimmering in a gentle red, laughed in a flattered manner and raised her hands.

“There is no necessity”, she declined. “It was only a sudden feeling of faintness, please don't worry about me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I am fine.” She looked over to Levi. “Furthermore we find ourselves in the most comfortable situation to share our house with a very skilful doctor.”

“A doctor who owes us a revenge during his stay in London”, Mike, who stepped closer and stuffed away the cards in his chest pocket, joined the conversation. A decent smile showed on Levi's lips. 

“I won't be the one to prevent this, Lieutenant Zacharias”, he said patronizingly and exchanged a volatile look with the huge man who replied his smile in honest friendliness. 

“So it's a done deal.” He patted the physician's shoulder with his big hand, before he left the salon with the other guests. The party was breaking up. Silently Levi, who remained in the salon, looked on his pocket watch's dial plate. He had not expected this evening to be done already, but it was already past eleven. One last time he watched out for the commander, but of course he was still not here.

“Are you looking for my brother, Dr. Ackerman?”, sounded the voice of a woman behind him. The physician whirled around, his eyes widened in surprise. He had believed himself alone. When he recognized Nanaba in front of him, he gave a sigh of relief. She stood next to him, her arms folded in front of her chest, looking at him in unhidden amusement, she eyed him with a meaningful smile. “He just went upstairs to the library and as far as I know him he might be waiting there for you. Maybe you want to join him?”

“Not really”, Levi answered in a short tempered manner. 

“Ah, that's just how he is, my stubborn big brother”, she said her voice filled with tender mockery. “I do not know what you have been talking about earlier, but he did not seem very pleased about the way it turned out.”

“Did he talk to you about that?”

“No.” The lady shook her head. “But there is nothing he can hide in front of me. I might know him better than anyone else. He's my beloved sibling after all.” She sighed theatricality and stepped closer to Levi. Suddenly she turned all serious. “I might not be in the position to give you pieces of advice, Dr. Ackerman. But your relationship to him would certainly profit if you would listen to what he has to tell you.”

Levi's eyes narrowed. 

“You really are not”, he replied coldly. “Your brother had his chance, Miss Smith. He would have done better to treasure it.”

Once more the door to the salon was opened and revealed a fully dressed Hange, whose expression showed a mixture of surprise and outrage once she had discovered the two remaining people. 

“There you are!”, she shouted and heavily waved at him. “We are leaving. Everybody is waiting for you.”

“I'll be there right away.” He looked to Nanaba for the last time, who, with severe eyes, replied his gaze silently. “Good night, Miss Smith. We will meet again, I suppose.”

“Yes.” She smiled politely, but it did not reach her eyes. “We certailny will meet again.”

 

The air had cooled down during the evening to such an extend that Levi shivered once he stepped in the courtyard. They had been sent off with every imaginable amount of courtesy. One foot already resting on the step that led to the inside of the horse carriage, Levi hesitated when he noticed light in one of the windows in the upper floor. Somebody had drawn the curtains and eyed the leaving guests from the distance. It was Erwin. 

For split seconds their eyes met in the darkness. Then Erwin turned away and disappeared behind the heavy curtain. For a moment Levi stared after him with a beating heart. Then, eventually, he boarded the carriage as well. Once the door closed behind him he sank in the soft bench padding. He was wishing for a calm and silent return he would have probably gotten as well, if it would have only been him and Petra in this vehicle. But since Hange and Mr. Middleton had formed their companions, this wish was damned to remain unfulfilled. They exchanged some casual remarks about the general atmosphere of the evening, but Levi refrained from participating in this conversation. And with every time Commander Smith's name left the lips of his friend and his host, his finger grabbed the fabric of his pants even tighter. Silently he stared out of the window, excited and annoyed at the same time. 

He did not want to think about it, but still his head was filled with questions. What had Erwin wanted to talk with him about? If it was so important, why did he not send him a letter during all these weeks? It would have been so easy to contact him. 

Levi thought of Nanaba and the expression that had inhered her eyes whenever she had watched him. Nothing could be hidden in front of a sister, she said it herself. Levi sighed. If she knew about them? Suddenly his heart felt heavy. 

She probably did.

 

After another hour they reached the house of the Middletons. Levi had barely stepped out of the carriage, when Hange linked her left arm with his and held him back. 

“Oy”, the physician muttered but hesitated once he noticed the excited sparkling in her eyes. She took a deep breath.

“This fresh autumn air”, she sang, “the scent of late blossoming flowers, fresh leaves and chestnuts.”

“Or rather horse shit and soot”, the physician growled, who preferred it to keep a certain distance to his friend. He irritatedly eyed her from head to toe. “What are you up to? Let me go.”

“Yes, yes”, she hushed him and pulled him closer with a jerk. She appeared strangely conspirational. “Say, Levi, what do you think about Miss Ral?”

“What should I think about her?” He furrowed his brows and tried to get rid of her grip but without success.

“Nothing”, Hange laughed and shook her head. “I just wish you had offered my lovely nieces only partially the amount of attention during their stay in Brighthampton as you gave young Miss Ral tonight.”

Suddenly he understood. His steel grey eyes widened.

“This is a gross exaggeration”, he burst out and Hange, who had obviously not expected such a heavy reaction, started to giggle. She shook her head. 

“Dr. Ackerman, who finally comes to his senses during his late years”, she laughed and had to pull herself together, since Levi's expression spoke for himself. “Looks like in the end I might be able to win my bet against Pixis.”

She let him go and headed towards the entrance door. As struck by thunder he looked after her. 

“What bet?”

Once more Hange's laughter filled the air.

“That you would marry before you turn forty, my dear.”

The physician turned pale.

“What?”, he gasped. Her laughter increased.

“And Pixis was already so full of himself”, she shouted. “Looks as if in the end it's my scientific insight to human nature that guarantees my victory.”

“Oi. Wait.”

Levi approached her rapidly and followed her up the stairs. His voice was trembling in outrage. 

“You have placed a bet on me?” He interrupted himself when he realised the significance of Hange's words. “And you bet  _ against _ me?”

Instead of an answer he could only hear her laughing.

“Oi. Hange.” Now it was her who ignored him. Visibly annoyed he followed her inside the building. “Stand still when I'm talking to you, you bloody match maker.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers!
> 
> As usually, thank you for your time and effort to read this. I'm really glad. I'm about to head to work - honestly, since that internship started my life has been so busy it pretty much equals hell :') - so I need to make it short today. 
> 
> Some of you will already have read this chapter due to the fact I have uploaded it last Friday on Patreon. Thanks again for those who joined me there. It's good to have you on board. 
> 
> Furthermore I can say that the uploads every 2 weeks until Christmas are safe, because I pretty much rushed through the upcoming two chapters this week. There won't be an update around the end of the year, but sometimes it's good to have a small pause to calm down. Also I want to take care of the print version of the Fall of Mephistopheles, just for those who are interested.
> 
> Anyway, here is the usual list of the stuff I liked (or that made me swoon):
> 
> 1\. Erwin spreading the cards on the table (damn it, so badass and hot, Sir).  
> 2\. Erwin's desperate attempts to talk to Levi  
> 3\. Nanaba, Nanaba, Nanaba. I love her. She truly is the sister of her brother here.  
> 4\. Nile Dorks awkwardness and Erwin and Mike silently facepalming in the background due to his super inpolite behaviour.  
> 5\. The conversation of Petra and Levi in the end of the chapter  
> 6\. Erwin standing at the window, watching the leaving guests, pretty much reminding me of The Great Gatsby here.
> 
> There you go. See you guys here or on Twitter.
> 
> Take care, old sport ;D
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	16. Visiting Hyde Park

With their arrival in London, autumn as well had reached England and soon the top of the trees covered themselves in a full red hue. They experienced the last few warm days of the year and it was better to make good use of them. 

Three days had passed since their arrival at the Middletons. Two since this strange evening where Levi had met Erwin Smith against all his expectations. 

Silently, Levi let his gaze wander around before he took a deep breath. Surrounding him he saw meadows and flower beds, playing children and strolling dogs. He was visiting Hyde Park, looking around for a corner that would tempt him enough to be chosen as their picnic's place. This park, forming the green lung of this stinking and dirty city since the 17 th century together with Kensington Garden, extended over countless hectares until the horizon and beyond. Levi almost believed he had returned to the countryside. That this was not actually the case was something he was consequently reminded of by the numerous pedestrians that crossed his way. 

A sigh left his throat. He would have preferred it to remain alone at home, taking care of his studies with a glass of port. The meeting with Erwin had reopened old sores which had only slowly started to heal. And even though he had acted cold and not interested he could not forget this man's words. What had Erwin so desperately wanted to talk with him about? What was so important?

A sudden sting in his chest made him pull a wry face. No. Levi did not want to know. Erwin Smith could go down with his god damn secret, alone and abandoned. 

“I would have never expected a park of such dimensions in a city of this size, Sir”, Eren interrupted his thoughts. He came up next to him, carrying a picnic basket of remarkable size. Levi indicated a smile.

“Yes”, he said, “London is truly always good for a surprise.”

“It is really agreeable that you could spend your spare time to join us today”, Nanaba's voice sounded in a not too far away distance. 

“I do my very best, ma'am”, he replied, without looking at the lady who lead the way, dressed in a light blue summer coat and a bonnet made of straw. They were a group of five people on this sunny afternoon. They, those were Levi and his ward. Furthermore Nanaba, Petra and Hange. The twins had been invited for tea somewhere else and their host, Mr. Middleton, had appeared to be very busy in his library when they left, but had wished them a pleasant trip. Mike and Erwin though - 

“Will Miss Wedgewood join us later?”, Petra asked suddenly, who had not left Levi's side since they had left the house. Her fingers, covered under white lace gloves played with the handle of her sun umbrella. Nanaba, who had linked her arm with Hange's, turned around. Her eyes sparkled in the light of the sun. 

“No”, she replied sloppily and adjusted the fit of the huge light blue silk ribbon that secured her bonnet on her head. “Same goes for Mike and Erwin as well. They are all tied up with business.”

Petra's fingers grabbed the handle tighter. She started to laugh. 

“I'm not feeling very sad about Miss Wedgewood's absence, though”, she started with a voice that sounded remarkably cold compared to her usually sunny temperament. She gave Levi a meaningful look. “Rather about Lieutenant Zacharias and Commander Smith, don't you agree?”

“They will have their reasons”, Levi replied drily and shifted his hands into the pockets of his pants. 

“Sir”, remarked Eren and pointed with his finger to a shadowy place underneath and old oak. “How about over there? It's a little apart from the ways but the view seems to be quite nice.”

The physician raised his brows, silently following the gesture of his ward with his eyes.

“Yes”, he replied finally, “go ahead and spread out the blanket.”

“Yes, Sir.” Smiling with anticipation he pressed the picnic box against his chest and hurried away. Levi, who watched him leave, could not help himself from smiling deep inside his heart. Since Erwin's departure he had made the boy work too much in his own grief. These days of vacation and calmness were a pleasure, maybe even more for Eren than for himself.

“Why aren't you sad about Miss Wedgewoods absence, Miss Ral?”, Hange now joined the conversation. Like usually, strands of hair had loosened from her coiffure, flowing over her shoulders like water down the river. Instead of a lorgnette, a pair of plain nickel classes rested on her nose. “Now tell me. You have always appeared as a person who easily makes friends with anyone – therefore you most likely will understand my surprise, right?”

“It's not my fault at all, ma'am”, Petra shook her head and looked over to Eren for a second, before she went on. “But I dare say with clear conscience that Miss Wedgewood is the most arrogant, unkind and coldest person I ever had the displeasure to be acquainted with.” With every word her voice sounded aboil. “There was this one time, when she-”

“Miss Ral”, Nanaba interrupted her while giving her a patronising look. “Please.” Petra clicked her tongue. 

“Well, it's not like you would secretly disagree with me, Miss Smith. I really don't understand why your family takes such a fancy in being affiliated with such contacts. Your family is not in such need.”

“Miss Ral.” Nanaba's voices sounded suddenly very poignant and harsh. Petra hushed, though her face clearly stated her displeasure. “It seems”, Nanaba proceeded in the meanwhile and pointed over to Eren, who was failing to keep the blanket from blowing into his face, “as if young Mr. Jaeger needs a helping hand. If you don't mind.”

Both ladies exchanged a look, both not willing to let the other win. Nanaba, whose eyes rested on Petra without any visible emotion, noteworthily equalled her brother in her appearance in this moment. Finally the younger one drew back.

“If you wish so”, she answered obviously offended and walked away without any further remark. Wordlessly Levi and Nanaba watched her go, until she gave a moan of relief and addressed the physician.

“Dr. Ackerman, come with me”, she said in a tone that would not allow any backtalk. “I need to talk to you in private.”

Without waiting for an answer she linked her arm with his and pulled him away from the others with gentle force. Levi followed, even though he did it only reluctantly. For a while neither of them said a word. Whenever Levi gave her a covert glance he found himself unable to tell what she was thinking. She truly was the sister of the man he had trusted once. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, she said suddenly and Levi listened attentively. He furrowed his brows.

“Miss Smith?”

She smiled but did not look at him while doing so. 

“I hope you are not offended over my insistent behaviour from the other day. I did not want to be rude.”

“Not at all”, Levi replied coldly and pressed his lips together. “You certainly were driven by the urge to achieve the best for your brother.”

“What kind of sister would that make me if I would think and act otherwise?”, she laughed and Levi held his breath for a second. He remembered Erwin's last letter and lowered his gaze. 

 

_ What kind of brother would that make me if I would act in such a dreadful way? _

 

That was what had been written there. 

“It truly is a precious good to have such a family”, Levi remarked casually and his voice sounded progressively lower until it equalled a whisper. Nanaba eyed him silently, filled by a sincere sympathy that made Levi shiver. Instead of answering him she reached into her coat's chest pocket. What she pulled out was a small sealed letter. Searching for his gaze she offered it to him and Levi's heart started to beat faster. Alternating he looked back and forth between her and the letter. In black ink somebody had written his name on it. Levi recognised this handwriting in an instant. 

“I was asked to hand this over to you by my brother”, she said silently. Levi's face darkened. He turned away. 

“I think I have made myself very clear, Miss Smith.” He bit his bottom lip. “Tell him I am not interested in what he has to say.”

“Dr. Ackerman.” He clearly could hear open outrage in her voice. Her finger insistently grabbed his arm. “You may excuse my french but when it comes to stubbornness and pride you and my brother can truly be assumed equal.”

Levi felt her eyes resting on him but tried to ignore her. Finally she gave an irritated moan, grabbed his hand and pressed the letter in his palm. Before he could oppose anything she had closed his fingers around it. 

“Good grief, Dr. Ackerman”, she snarled, “now take this god damn letter.”

His eyes rested for a moment on Erwin's squiggly handwriting that could be seen between his fingers. He hesitated, but in the and accepted her wish and placed the letter in his tailcoat. 

“If that's what you're longing for, fine. But I am not planning to read it.”

“Of course not, Doctor”, Nanaba smirked, now loosening her grip around his arm. She gave Eren and the others a volatile look, who had by now arranged the picnic and were waiting for their return. “Let us go back before they start making up stories about us. There are truly already enough rumours in this world.”

Together they went back the way they came from and sat down on the blanket that had been spread out in order to serve the dishes. There was everything one could secretly long for. There were sandwiches and salads, furthermore cold meat and a variety of sweets. In glassy bottles they had brought lemonade and, to Levi's highest delight, cold black tea. While the ladies had waited for their return, Eren had not found it necessary to wait for them. Munching in a most satisfied manner he sat between the others, a sandwich in the one, cookies in the other hand. Levi gave him a smack on the back of his head while he sat down next to him.

“God damn it, son, pull yourself together”, he growled with such a low voice that only his ward was able to understand him. “Is this how I brought you up?”

“No”, Eren muttered, his mouth still full, remorsefully lowering his sandwich. “Forgive me.”

“Well”, Hange raised to speak while he shovelled her plate full with food. “I'm dying to know what was so important to leave us here in lonely solitude.” She searched for Levi's gaze, but he silently glared back. 

“Nothing important, my dearest”, Nanaba answered in his stead with an insistent smile. “I only expressed my compassion for poor Dr. Ackerman.”

“Compassion?” Petra raised her eyebrows. Suddenly she appeared all worried. “For what? Has something happened?”

Nanaba laughed and declined. 

“No, not at all. Should he participate in one of London's local balls, though – and he will, I shall say so – compassion is the only thing I can offer him to make his current situation tolerable.”

Levi, who secretly felt gratitude towards the fact that Nanaba had managed it somehow to distract the others from their conversation's true core now furrowed his brows.

“Why do you think so?”, he asked and poured himself some tea. 

“Well”, she replied and her smile increased. “You are a single man of remarkable education, financially independent and an established member of society. Since they do not know about your origin, mothers from every corner of London will long to introduce their daughters to you.”

The physician who was about to take a sip gave a silent moan.

“How charming”, he remarked drily and kissed the cup. 

“Very much indeed”, Nanaba smirked in a knowing manner. “Even though it would be a good opportunity to underpin your status in society. A marriage in those circles would certainly free you from every possible financial concern for a lifetime and also mark a social advancement of yours, Dr. Ackerman.”

Visibly not pleased about what he had just heard he clicked his tongue and placed his cup on the saucer. 

“Just like my work as a physician does”, he replied short tempered. “The financial advances that would result from such a connection are equalled by the social duties that would accompany them. Such a marriage is nothing that would ever tempt me, Miss Smith.”

Petra, who silently sat next to him and listened to their conversation, gave the physician an unbelieving look.

“And what would be”, she asked and lowered her head in his direction, “when you would marry due to a deep, loving devotion to a lady?”

“There is nothing like that”, Levi and Nanaba replied simultaneously, hesitating afterwards in inverted surprise. In the end, Nanaba indicated a smile and shook her head.

“It's good to see that my opinions are shared by others”, she mocked the physician. “Even though it might be easier if you are born a man. Financial independence, a trade, the ability to inherit – all those are things we women can only wish for.”

“Is this something worth to be wished for?”, Levi asked calmly.

“You tell me, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi hesitated for a moment, thoughtfully staring at his cup and the dark, aromatic tea, before he continued speaking. 

“It sure can be exhausting to bear the responsibility for everyone you consider dear and precious.”

Nanaba nodded reluctantly and Petra, who sat not far away, joined her.

“Still, though – the only thing that remains in our power is to hope for someone agreeable before oneself has grown into an old maid”, said the blonde lady and tried to smile. 

“Your brother must be quite worried with three sisters”, Levi continued, but his voice lacked of persuasion. “Are you the oldest?”

Nanaba nodded.

“I am. And by now I declined every proposal that was offered to me, causing him and my younger sisters nothing but grief.” She shrugged as if this was something that could not have been avoided. “I will turn 27 this winter so I shall consider a marriage rather sooner than later. I don't want to be a burden for my family, you know? Even though I would highly appreciate one, two more years in freedom.”

Petra leaned forward and gently touched Levi's forearm. 

“Don't be deceived by her words, Dr. Ackerman, it's not like Miss Smith has nobody in her mind already.”

“Oh, really?”, Hange interfered. Her voice sounded shrill in surprise. “I did not know that at all. Who is it? Now tell me so I won't die unknowingly, my dear.”

Once more Nanaba smiled, but a silent bitterness showed in her eyes.

“Whoever it may be”, she said, “he doesn't seem to have noticed so far.”

What followed was an awkward silence, only interrupted by the incessantly munching Eren. Levi, who did not know what to reply, emptied his cup and placed it on the blanket. They remained like this until everybody had finished eating, even though Levi did not touch the food that was offered once. Somehow he had lost his appetite. In the end he looked over to Petra who replied his gaze and gave him a smile. 

“How about a short walk, Dr. Ackerman?”, she said merrily. Before he could reply anything she had already stood up folded her arms in silent expectation. He pulled a wry face.

“Well”, he began, since he had loved to remain like this a little longer, but Hange interrupted him before he could proceed. 

“Very good idea, my dear!”, she agreed with her and nodded heavily, “take him with you and show him the Serpentine before he takes his heels.” She laughed and ignored Levi's grim stare without looking at him even once. Instead, she ordered him to get up. “Go”, she said and pointed at Petra. “You shan't let a lady wait, Levi. Hurry up. Be a gentleman and accompany her. Eren will take good care of us, will he?”

“As best I can, ma'am”, Eren agreed her between two bites and took a sip of tea. Levi hesitated – he could not forget what Hange had told him after the dinner party at Nile's home – but then stood up and gave Petra a short nod. 

“Fine”, he said, “let's go for a walk.”

 

The Serpentine was an extensive lake in the heart of the park. Created in the middle of the 18 th century, it measured a breathtaking mile in length and about two hundred yards in width. Together they walked silently not far away from the waterline. Calmly Levi eyed the ducks, geese and swans who merrily quacking crossed their paths from time to time and could not prevent a smile whenever Petra expressed her delight. From time to time he examined her from the corners of his eyes. Once more his gaze struck her fingers.

“How about you?”, he finally interrupted the silence. Brought back to reality, Petra raised her head and looked at him quite perplex. 

“What do you mean, Sir?”, she asked. “What about me?”

Levi pointed at her hand.

“I was just surprised to notice that there is no ring on your fingers, that's all.”

She gasped and blushed.

“What makes you so surprised?”, she asked and nervously reached for the closure of her jacket. “It's not like every lady was married only because she has reached a certain age.” She sounded tense. “If it was like this, life would be much easier for many of us.”

“That may be.” He shifted his hands into his pockets. “But you're neither ugly nor poor. I was just astonished that you're not married, that's all.”

“Oh, Dr. Ackerman”, she replied and suddenly laughed. “Your ability to let even compliments sound like insults is truly remarkable. It does not surprise me that Commander Smith challenged you to a duel back then.”

Visibly surprised he raised his head and stared at her, until she lowered her gaze in embarrassment. She fell silent for a long while and Levi did not dare to address her once more. Even though he did not care how other people thought of him, hurting her had not been his intention. 

“I got married when I turned eighteen years old.” She smiled and involuntarily reached with the fingers of her right hand after her left ring finger. “That was five years ago.”

Levi nodded and stepped closer to her. 

“Where is your husband now?”, he asked and took a deep breath when he saw how her expression suddenly darkened. Once more he had managed it to wipe the smile out of her face and secretly he cursed himself for his negligence. 

“He is no longer with us”, she said silently and a certain melancholy showed in her eyes. “He fell sick three years ago and died only months after the first symptoms showed.”

“Whereof?”

“It was consumption, Sir.”

“Ah.” Levi looked up in the cloudless sky, the arms folded behind his back. The pebbles stones crunched underneath their feet. “A very aggressive progression, then.”

“Yes.”

He looked over to her and silently eyed her for a while.

“Did he-”

She replied his gaze, her brows furrowed in silent surprise. When their eyes met she finally understood.

“You want to know if he infected me?”, she asked and Levi nodded.

“Did he?”

She shook her head and tried a smile.

“No. It was a blessing in disguise, if you may say so.”

“And your children?”

“There were none. The marriage remained childless.”

She followed his gaze and looked up to the sky. “It's easy to think that god had different plans for me as this marriage with this man.” She laughed, then fell silent. They went on next to each other like that. Unsure of what to say, Levi looked around, until his gaze struck the water surface, in which the orange of the twilight shimmered. “Besides, I don't agree with what you've said to me the other day, Dr. Ackerman”, Petra finally interrupted the silence and gathered his attention. “Your saying that you could only become a physician because you were lucky.”

“So?” He raised his brows and critically replied her gaze. She nodded heavily, then went on. 

“Of course you were lucky as well – but in the end it was your skills and hard work that brought you all the way up. That made you the man you are now. It was an opportunity that was offered to you by chance, but it was you who took it.”

He carefully thought about her words, the face severe and not showing any emotion and folded his arms in front of his chest. 

“That's something I cannot disagree with, Miss Ral”, he finally replied. She smiled and stepped closer to him. 

“You know”, she proceeded, “everything that is needed is a good opportunity. An offer that allows someone to set your life up in a direction that might allow you to live to the fullest.”

He did not miss the fact that she once more was referring to herself here, spinning the thread from the night back then a little further. But Levi could not understand her. What had happened to her that the life she was living her filled her with such displeasure? She was a young widowed, childless woman of a wealthy family. Here in London she could basically do whatever she wanted if she only acted discrete enough.

“Is your present life so bad?”, Levi asked suddenly. “Your grief is something I cannot comprehend. There certainly will be enough young ladies who would offer her right hand to take your position. What are you suffering about? It's not like the life of a man would be filled with joy every minute, Miss Ral, it's rather the opposite. It's all about hard work and duty.”

In an instant the friendliness she had offered him so far vanished from her face and was replaced by inscrutable aloofness that Levi had not seen on her before. Finally she raised her head and looked at him directly.

“Excuse my french, Dr. Ackerman”, she began and her voice had lost its warmth. “But I don't think a man of your position has the right to ask me such impertinent questions. Those ladies can have my life, I don't care at all.”

Levi sighed.

“Miss Ral”, he said in a tone that made clear he had not wanted to insult her. 

“No.” She mollifyingly raised her hands and smiled. “It was my fault. I shouldn't have bothered you with my thoughts. Let us go back. It got quite chilly, don't you agree?”

 

The small group spent a few more hours in each others company until the sun had finally disappeared behind the top of the trees. Around early evening they arrived at the house of the Middletons where their ways separated in the end. While Petra and Nanaba remained in the salon, Levi sent Eren to their shared room so he could take care of his daily exercises of Latin and Greek. Levi though withdrew with some of his files and correspondences, which he had brought with him from Brighthampton for this purpose, to the library. Even though he considered his journey to London not as something that served his relaxation he had chosen to consider it an opportunity to take care of paperwork he had been avoiding for too long. Hange had agreed to make him good company – it was not like he had asked her to do so anyway. 

The library of the Middletons equalled the one he had seen in Stenton Park, although it was a lot smaller in size. Also paintings of noteworthy artists could not be found here. And still this place incorporated a timeless elegance. Vis-à-vis to the extensive windows there was a slim row of dark wooden shelves, filled with books from the ground to the top. Close to a plain fire place there was a canapé and an armchair. Next to it a spacious desk, which Levi had kindly been allowed to use by Mr. Middleton himself. Levi had spread out his files there and tried to take care of his work. Not far away from him there stood a teapot on a warmer. The scent of fresh earl grey filled the air. From time to time he took a sip, then wrote a few lines, while he tried to ignore Hange, who ranted in the background. With her hobnailed shoes she stepped up and down, pulled a book out of the shelf here and there, opened it, started to read, before she placed it back and proceeded. Occasionally one of the books seemed to catch her attention a little longer. It was then placed on one of the side tables. With passing time the bunch of books which shared this destiny increased. 

“Isn't two weeks a little too short for that amount of books?”, Levi finally asked casually over his files and stopped writing. Hange shook her head in a most determined manner and placed her hands in her hips. 

“I want to ask Jeffrey whether he can borrow me some of them for a couple of weeks”, she said and thoughtfully looked over to the side table. “Some of them are most suitable for my upcoming projects.”

“What happened to Linnaeus?”, he remarked with unhidden amusement. Hange raised her hand and declined. 

“Of course I will continue working on this matter”, she babbled as if it was the most natural thing on earth. “But thinking about the endless diversity of species this is something that I can't just do in a few days or weeks. The plant and animal life of our lovely Brighthampton alone is enough for a lifetime, Levi.”

He followed her explanations with furrowed brows before he once more took care of his files. He had only written down a couple of words, when he suddenly, struck by a thought, stopped and placed the feather on the desk.

Suddenly he remembered Erwin's letter. He had totally forgotten about it. Silently he shifted his fingers into the chest pocket of his tailcoat and took it out, thoughtfully turning it back and forth between his hands. The black writing that formed his name in engulfed letters. Furthermore the seal, on which a large S could be seen. Merely looking at it, knowing that this little piece of paper had been touched by Erwin himself, was enought to make his heart beat faster. He gave Hange a volatile look, unsure whether this was the right moment to break the seal and read what was written there. 

In the background Hange kept rustling and working, until the omnipresent restlessness that had filled the room, was suddenly replaced by silence. When Levi raised his head once more, his friend stared at him with huge, brown eyes. Hastily he placed the letter back in his pocket and replied her gaze. 

“What the hell is wrong?”, he asked irritatedly. 

Brought back down to earth by the sound of his voice the liveliness returned to her face. Her fingers, which tightly held a book, nervously slid over the linen cover.

“Nothing”, she muttered. “It is just that - you know - the way you sat there – for a moment you reminded me of Mr. Ral.”

“Of Mr. Ral?”

“The husband of Miss Petra Ral.”

Levis eyes widened in silent surprise.

“You knew him?”, he asked silently and his friend nodded with a severe expression. 

“Certainly. He was born and raised in London, but ended up in Exceter somehow. Family business, I suppose. He was a kind, calm fellow.” A subtle, sad smile showed on her lips. “They had been promised to each other ever since I can remember. Even though I did not know Miss Ral in person back then. She only visited London for the first time after they got married. I happened to be visiting Jeffrey back then and made her acquaintance by chance. But yes – three years ago he died from consumption. It was a terrible tragedy. It happened so fast.”

All of a sudden Levis mouth felt dry. She had never mentioned something like this in his presence – why should she? He had not known any of the people involved, and it was furthermore a family matter. And, if he was honest, he would not have been interested either.

“I know”, he said silently and bit his bottom lip. In the meantime Hange placed the book back in the shelf. She appeared slightly baffled. 

“Did she tell you?”

“Yes, during our walk earlier today.”

He put the feather away and stretched his fingers, before he leaned back in his chair. “I was surprised by the fact that she was not wearing a ring. She appeared like that kind of woman that offers the necessary conditions for an early marriage.”

“Oh Levi”, Hange sighed affectedly and shook her head. “How do you manage it to always blindly touch the sore points of the people around you?”

“I can't help it”, Levi muttered embarrassedly and lowered his gaze. He reached for his cup and took a sip of tea. For a few seconds they remained silent, then he raised his head and looked over to Hange. “You said I look like him?”

“You have the same stature, eye colour, hair colour – he sure was more sophisticated and had better negotiating skills, and he was a little taller than you, no doubt, but there truly was a certain similarity. He was born into a tradition-steeped merchant's family. It was a marriage blessed by a huge fortune.”

“That would explain why she searches my company since we arrived in London”, he remarked reluctantly and Hange nodded once more. The smile on her face increased, but it did not reach her eyes. 

“She has a good heart, Levi. What happened to her during the past years is something you would not wish on your worst enemy.”

“Well, that may be so”, Levi answered, who once more took the feather and dipped it in ink, “but there might be worse things for a young lady her age as to live a life in financial independence in this city, whether with or without husband.”

He once more leaned over the paper to proceed with his notes and calculations, but Hange's expression made him stop. She had turn pale as a ghost.

“Please assure me you did not tell her that fair in the face, Levi.”

“She said her parents sent her here. I don't see the problem”, he replied and pulled a wry face.

“She does not have parents anymore.”

“What?” His face showed honest surprise. He placed the feather in the ink glass and folded his arms. “Are you actually indicating she lied into my face?”

“It seems like this.”

“Why should she do something like this?”

“Maybe she was embarrassed.”

Levi moaned. Wonderful. No wonder why she had reacted with such an intensity.

“What happened?”, he asked eventually.

“Her parents died of cholera ten years ago. She grew up at her aunts estate. If they hadn't had set up the dowry back then, Mr. Ral would have never been allowed to marry her. Their marriage though remained childless and when he died the whole fortune went to some second cousin nobody had ever met before. It's almost impossible to tell when you look at her, but she is as poor as a church mouse. She lost everything. Her aunt took her back, but well - you know how this works. Once they become a burden it's not very beneficial for the family happiness.”

“But why is she in London then?”, Levi asked and his voice sounded frustrated and tired. If he had known about that, he sure had taken more care of his words. He sighed. 

“Well”, Hange appeared unsure whether what was now about to come was suitable for Levi's ears. He was not a family member after all. She paused for a moment, then went over to the library door and closed it. “There has been an incident.”

His eyes narrowed.

“An incident”, he repeated drily.

“Yes.” She passed the room and stopped in front of the desk. “Promise me that you will observe absolute silence about what I am going to tell you, understood? Nobody in London knows about it. Not even her cousins. Only her uncle and I do.”

“Good grief.” He let his fingers run through his hair. “And for once in my life I had believed I was living with a normal London family – apart from you and your nieces of course.” He eyes his files from the corner of his eyes and eventually shifted them away with a single gesture. It was no good. He would hardly be able to continue working like this. “I will keep my mouth shut, Hange, so go ahead.”

With a snivelling sigh she leaned against his desk and folded her arms. Her eyes thoughtfully wandered over the ceiling, which once had been decorated with paintings. 

“After her husband's death she apparently started to sneak out of the house at night. Soon her aunt had noticed this and suspected a secret lover. She told the servants to keep an eye on her. Their carriage driver eventually found her in a pub close by.”

“With her lover?” Levi could not hide the mockery in his voice. Hange irritatedly clicked her tongue. 

“There was no lover.”

“There was no lover?”

“Of course not.”

“Of course not?!” Levi started to laugh in disbelief. “She will hardly have been sitting together with some common riffraffs playing cards and drinking whiskey.” 

In the moment he had said those words the smile on his lips vanished. Card games. Whiskey. He searched for Hange's gaze and knew in an instant that he had been right. He shook his head. 

“That's it? Her family sends her to London because of some drinking and gambling? It's not like she sold herself to old, fat guys.” He hesitated. “Right?”

Hange raised her hand and declined heavily. 

“Well, not exactly. Of course that was not the only reason. It was rather the condition in which she was caught that made her aunt send her away.”

“Now finally get to the heart of it, Hange Zoe.”

He reached out for his cup and placed it on his lips. 

“She was wearing her deceased husband's garments when she was found.”

The physician choked on his tea. He started to cough, lowered the cup and patted his chest, until he had finally calmed down again.

“A lady? In men's garments?”, he repeated Hange's words and placed the cup on the desk. He had never heard something like this. No. This could not be. “Why on earth should somebody do something like this?”

“That's a question she has not answered until the present day. But it seems as if nobody had noticed that underneath all this clothing there was actually the body of a woman hiding.” She mollifyingly raised her hands and shrugged. Thereby she brushed against the papers Levi had shifted away before and wiped them off the table. With a loud slap they fell to the ground and Levi started to swear. They had been ordered alphabetically. 

“Oh goodness”, Hange cried out. “Forgive me, my dear.” She pulled a wry face, but then started to collect the papers together. “But you certainly can imagine all the gossip she must have faced afterwards. Her good reputation was absolutely gone, that's for sure.”

He truly could imagine this. And whenever he himself thought of a woman in men's clothing his stomach turned into a knot. It just did not feel right. He also did not understand why someone would do something like that. Silently he looked at Hange, who now, where she had collected his papers, strolled back to the side table that sheltered her books. It remained incomprehensible to him how she wanted to get all these books to Brighthampton. 

“Hange”, he said suddenly and made her turn around. 

“Yes?”

“You know-” He reached out for his files and started to order them alphabetically once more. “You are probably living the life she's secretly wishing for.”

Hange nodded gently.

“Yes, I think so.”

“But still you would not dress up in men's clothes, right?”

She raised her hands and started to laugh. Thereby she almost threw down some books off the batch. 

“God forbid, no. I rather prefer our airy dresses to your stiff tailcoats and waistcoats or however all these coats may be called. I would never be jealous when it comes to those tight cravats you have to wear, no. Even though I have to admit that pantaloons would be quite comfortable when it comes to physical labour.” She pulled out some last books out of the shelf and placed them next to the others on the side table. Satisfied she looked at her work. “I think that would be everything. A yield that I shan't be ashamed of.”

“However you plan to transport all of this to Brighthampton”, Levi remarked casually. 

“Oh, we sure will come up with something, my dear”, she sang merrily, causing Levi to raise his brows.

“We?”, he asked reluctantly, but did not get an answer on his question. Instead somebody knocked on the door, whereupon it was opened. It was the butler.

“Dr. Ackerman”, he cleared his throat and appeared surprised to find Hange here as well. “Miss Zoe.”

“What's wrong, Sebastian?”, Hange asked, surprised over the butler's sudden appearance. “Did anything happen?” Levi looked at him, before his gaze struck a small silver tablet the man had brought with him. It offered two sealed letters. 

“Two letters have arrived for the gentleman and the lady.”

With rapid movements he passed the room and stopped in front of them. For a second Levi was once more reminded of Erwin's letter. He ignored his thoughts and took the letter that showed his name.  
“Thank you very much, Sebastian”, Hange smiled, curiosity written all over her face. The butler nodded reluctantly and bid his farewell. With a silent sigh Levi leaned back and skimmed over the handwriting until his heart stopped beating for a second. 

“It's from Erwin”, Hange stated the obvious and broke the seal. Levi followed her example. They both read silently and exchanged a meaningful look once they had ended. Levi cleared his throat. 

“He's inviting us to a ball.”

 

 

 

 

~*~

 

Additional note. Hange in this chapter be like:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, my fellow readers.
> 
> A chapter where actually nothing much happened, but as a frequent SnK reader I know that we need such chapters as well from time to time to calm our tits. YES.
> 
> As usual there were some things I really loved. More details than anything else, but still:
> 
> 1\. Eren struggling with the blanket (oh boy). Eren munching with hamster cheeks (oh boy). Eren being super embarrassed because he was caught by his foster father (OH BOY).  
> 2\. Levi who wants to be nice to Petra but consequently fucks it up due to his lack of knowledge.  
> 3\. “She will hardly have been sitting together with some common riffraffs playing cards and drinking whiskey. .... WAIT."  
> 4\. Hange and her hunger for books.  
> 5\. The secret life of Miss Ral.  
> 6\. Nanaba's cute attempts to fix her brother's love life.
> 
> We will have one more chapter to go for this year. And right now it looks like I will be able to finish the German version within the first week of January. A long journey finally comes to an end.
> 
> Take good care of yourselves!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	17. The Suit

With every day that passed by there were more and more leaves on London's streets. And before Levi knew it the first week of the journey he had only begun so reluctantly, had passed already. Together with his ward and Hange he had decided to spend a few days in Oxford after they had received the invitation to Erwin's ball. They visited the local university to give Eren a first impression of the well-established halls in which he would be studying before too long.

By now, though – they had returned only today – Levi was racking his brains. It might have been that, behind the back of his foster son, he had managed it to save a certain sum of money over the years to allow the boy his university education, but it would not be enough to cover all the necessary expenses. Levi would have to come up with something, sooner rather than later.

“I would have never thought that Oxford university was such a huge and impressive place”, Eren chatted happily and folded the arms behind his head, while thoughtfully staring into space. They had spent the evening together with Hange in a restaurant Mr. Middleton had highly recommended to them and were by now on their way back to their accommodation. “I felt so intimidated, Miss Zoe! And this library – ah - what was the name again?”

“Bodleiana”, Levi and Hange answered simultaneously. Eren burst out laughing.

“Oh yes! Really, I have never seen so many books gathered at once! If I had only been able to show them to Armin – he would have lost his mind, I swear!” He sighed wholeheartedly, his gaze still wandering over the sky. “Well, he will be studying there himself soon enough, so he will be able to create his own picture of this marvellous place.”

“I thought his father intends to send him to Cambridge?”, Hange answered casually. Her cheeks shimmered reddish from the wine she had drunken for dinner. “His father has attended law school there as well, it would not surprise me at all if he wished young Mr. Arlert to follow his steps.” She dismissively clicked her tongue. “They have always been a very conservative family. I don't think law school would suit him well, he is such an honest, open minded boy. Wouldn't have surprised me if they had engaged him with someone before he did his first steps.”

Next to her Eren turned as pale as a ghost.

“Is this for real?”, he asked breathlessly, while his eyes filled with silent panic. “How shall I pass without Armin? I'll be lost without him!”

“Oh, Eren”, Hange said in a most mollifying manner and shrugged. “It's still so much time until then. It will certainly turn out as you both wish it to be, I'm sure.”

“You are expected to pass, I don't care whether with or without Arlert”, Levi joined their conversation and folded his arms in front of his chest. “The quicker the better, before your tuitions send me to the workhouse.”

His ward nodded heavily.

“I will study as fast as I can”, he shouted and jerked, when Levi snapped his fingers against his temples. He whirled around. “Sir?!”

“Stand straight, son”, Levi muttered and raised his brows dismissively. “You look like a limp dishrag walking like this, Eren.”

“But Sir, nobody is looking at us at all.”

“I am looking, is that not enough?”

The boy pulled a wry face and finally let his arms sink. An amused smile on Hange's lips was everything that remained.

Minutes afterwards they arrived back home. They asked the maid for tea and entered the sitting room, where they found themselves alone.

“Would you mind if I'd go visit the twins, Sir?”, Eren asked, before he took off his jacket and placed it over his arm. Levi nodded.

“Go ahead”, he said, “but don't stay awake for too long.”

A broad smile showed on Eren's face.

“Yes, Sir!”, he shouted and had already disappeared behind the next corner. Levi looked after him, then snorted in silent amusement and shook his head. He exchanged a volatile look with Hange and indicated a smile, before he looked over to the fire place, in which the fire crackled silently.

“Say, Levi”, Hange began after a period of mutual silence. “Excuse my french, but how on earth are you planning to finance that boy's studies?”

The physician shrugged silently.

“Somehow”, he answered in a short-tempered manner and turned away. “I have saved quite a sum. And provided that he won't act more stupid than he really is he will somehow manage it to pass as well. What's your point?”

“Well.” She folded her arms in front of her chest and watched the flames for a while. The warm light was reflected by her nickel glasses. “You do know I will never have children on my own, Levi, and the fact that Eren is now living with you is a result of my efforts. In the end he is like a nephew for me.”

“Forget it”, Levi said harsher then intended. She laughed and gave him a patronising look.

“Oh Levi. Your pride will be your death one day”, she said and stepped closer to him. She raised her index finger and waved it up and down in front of his face. “It can be turned round as you like, but I shall participate in the financing. He should study without sorrows and pressure, don't you agree?”

Levi bit his bottom lip and lowered his gaze.

“He definitely should”, he whispered.

“It's settled then. We should meet up again in Brighthampton to discuss the details.”

She sighed as if this was something she had wanted to mention for quite a while. Out in the corridor the clock struck nine in the meanwhile. Visibly surprised Hange raised her head.

“So late already?”, she asked and let her fingers run through her hair. “Jeffrey said he could only lend me half  of the books I had requested, because he needs them for himself. This means I must have read them until our departure. I won't be returning to London so soon.”

“I'm not surprised nobody wanted to marry you”, Levi mocked her with a thin smile on his lips, “reading women truly are dangerous.”

She burst out laughing, gently touching his shoulder in friendship.

“Your charm stands alone as usual, my dear. Nevertheless I will leave you now and head to he library. Good night, Doctor.”

“Good night.”

She hurried away and left him alone, while he decided that he would spend a few more minutes here in peace before he would go to bed. He could still feel the stay in Oxford and the long trip back to London in his bones and he was tired. For a moment he stared into the flames. How would it feel like once Eren had moved away? He knew too well that he had only reluctantly accepted the boy in the beginning – but thinking about the fact that Eren would leave him before too long made his heart feel heavy. The house would be too silent without him. And he, Levi Ackerman, would need a new assistant, that was for certain.

This year – it was a year of change. Even he had realised this.

He let his hand slide in the chest pocket of his tailcoat and took out the letter Nanaba had given to him on the day of their picnic. The seal was still unbroken. The handwriting – a certain melancholy showed in his eyes while admitting this – was of flawless beauty. He turned the letter back and forth in his hands and let his fingertips slid tenderly over the seal's wax when someone opened the door. It was the maid who entered. She carried a tablet. Levi discovered a tea pot and two cups on it.

“Sir”, she said and indicated a bow. “The tea.”

“Thank you very much.”

“Miss Zoe has left?”

“Yes, she went to the library. Just place everything over there.”

She did how she was told and disappeared as fast as she had entered. Levi let his gaze wander back and forth between the letter and the tea service, then put the letter back in his chest pocket. Maybe, he could not help himself from thinking, it was better if he would forget his pride for a moment and read what that damn commander had to tell him so urgently. He went over to the sofa and poured himself some tea. He then sat back down, placed the cups on his lips and once more reached for the letter. If Levi considered size and form of it Erwin had barely used more than a quarter sheet of paper. Whatever he had to tell him he had been brief. Apparently.

Levi placed the cup back on the tablet and was about to break the seal, when he once more hesitated. The curtains, the heavy bordeaux red curtains that guaranteed protection from the curios eyes of passer bys stood wide open. Levi sighed irritatedly and stood up. Holding the letter in his right hand he went over to the windows, reaching out with both hands for the velveteen fabric – but he did not close them. With his lips slightly opened he furrowed his brows, before he stepped closer to the window and looked out. Sitting on the narrow staircase that led from the pavement to the servants' quarters he discovered a lady in the dark. Her face hidden behind a yellow bonnet, fingers, hidden underneath white gloves held a box covered in packing paper, tightly pressed against the small chest. Did she feel faintness? Levi suspected so. Something like this happened often and was usually no serious matter. Still though – what was a young lady doing alone on London's streets at this time of the day?

Reluctantly he let the curtains go and stuffed the letter into his waistcoat's pocket. Tea and reading would have to wait a little longer – if he liked it or not.

He refrained from putting on a jacket, left the entrance door slightly open and rushed outside. Within split seconds he had reached the stairs. Even though his steps could easily be heard the lady remained unmoved.

“Can I help you, Miss?”, he asked after he had silently examined her from afar. “You shouldn't sit here all alone, for you will catch a cold.” No reaction. Levi stepped closer. “Are you feeling unwell?”, he asked and his voice took a gentler sound. “Can you stand up?”

A sudden trembling shook the woman's body. Slowly she turned around and searched for Levi's gaze, whose eyes widened in silent surprise. For a second a gust of wind struck them, which made Levi shiver. It truly had become chilly since his arrival in this town. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and raised his brows. It was a pair of brown eyes in which he was looking. Wet with tears they sparkled in the darkness.

“Miss Ral”, he remarked with a matte voice and searchingly let his gaze wander over her face. She looked devastated.

“Dr. Ackerman”, she replied his greeting, but her voice did not inhere the for her so typical vitality. She sounded exhausted and sad.

“What are you doing here at this time and without a proper jacket? It's cold, you know?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Sir.”

The physician hesitated.

“How about you come with me to the sitting room and explain everything in detail to me while we have a cup of tea? Stand up, it's too cold to sit here on the ground.”

While Levi spoke the remaining red vanished from her cheeks. With a harsh gesture she wiped away the tears and corrected the fit of her bonnet. She still pressed the box against her chest. For a second she eyed he packing paper, then once more tears run over her cheeks.

“I can't enter like this”, she whispered, her voice choked with tears. She gasped for air. “Please forgive me for finding me in such a horrible condition, Sir.”

More and more Levi feared she had become the victim of an attack similar to what had happened to him back then in the East End. But her dress was still in perfect shape and her bonnet as well.

“Did anyone harm you?”, he asked eventually and kneeled down next to her. The lady shook her head.

“No.”

“Let's go inside then”, he said once more. He reached out and gently let his fingers slide over her shoulders, but she jerked under his touches.

“I already told you I can't!”, she hissed and her voice cracked soon after. When she realised that she had lost her countenance her eyes widened in dismay. “Oh good grief”, she whispered and covered her mouth with her hands. “I am so terribly sorry. I did not want you to-”

“Never mind”, the physician replied and let her go. “There is nothing to worry about. Apart from me the sitting room is empty. Most of the others are already asleep.”

“Really?”, she whispered and Levi did not miss the sound of relief in her voice. He nodded.

“Yes”, he said and stood up. “Come with me.”

 

Even though they were on their own Petra felt so uncomfortable that Levi could convince her after a period of coaxing to accompany him to the room he shared with Eren. As far he knew the boy he would hardly be back before midnight. To make sure that Petra's presence there would not be interpreted to his disadvantage he had decided to leave the door slightly open.

“Have a seat wherever you wish”, he said casually and placed the tea service on a side table not far away from the window. Afterwards he went over to the sofa, took one of the plaids and unfolded it, before he placed it around Petra's shoulders. They exchanged a volatile look, for a second only, before they both lowered their gazes. While she sat down on the sofa Levi poured her tea and handed her the cup, which Petra carefully received with both hands. He sat down next to her on one of the armchairs. From time to time the young lady kissed the cup, still visibly embarrassed, her eyes still red and tear-stained. Apart from that she seemed to calm down again.

“Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience I have caused you”, she said after a period of silence, without looking at him. “You might have been busy after all.”

Secretly he agreed with her, but he only shook his head.

“Just tell me what happened.”

Her fingers tightened around the cup.

“I have picked up my dress for Commander Smith's ball”, she muttered reluctantly. She loosened the string that held the box together and removed the packing paper. After that she took off its cover and revealed a ball gown of crème silk, framed by dark red tissue paper. He could not see all the details in the dim candle light, but it looked expensive, just as he had expected.   
“At this time of the day?”, he asked in disbelief and raised his brows. “Those people from Exceter must be indefatigable.”

Petra tried to smile but failed. She shook her head.

“No”, she said and closed the box again. “Around five in the afternoon.”

The physician took a sip of his tea and she followed his example.

“What have you done in the meantime?”

“I went for a walk.”

“Until nine in the evening?” He snorted dismissively and let his cup sink. “I've hardly heard something as unreasonable as what you've just said, Miss Ral.”

The lady's gaze darkened. More violently than Levi would have expected her to she placed her cup on the table. Her eyes sparkled in fury.

“Am I not even allowed to go for a walk now without having to answer somebody's questions?”, she said between clenched teeth. There was an anger within every of her movements, that Levi had not seen coming. And still he remained motionless. His face was blank, not showing what he might have been thinking deep inside. And so he examined her calmly like this, until she finally lowered her gaze and her eyes once more filled with tears. She tried to keep her countenance, blinked them away and drowned her grief in more sips of tea. The physician sighed. He did not want to make her cry. For a moment neither of them said a single word. It was Levi who finally interrupted the silence.

“Why didn't you come back earlier, Miss Ral? You're not on the lam after all.”

“I couldn't.”

“Why?”

She hesitated.

“Why?”, Levi asked once more.

“Because I am ashamed of myself, that's why.”

She spit those words out like they were gall. Afterwards she raised her head and looked over to him. Their eyes met. Once more she opened the box and examined it for a long while with unhidden melancholy.

“Did someone tell you why I came to London?”, she asked silently.

“More or less”, Levi replied in a sense of tact. “The death of your husband caused you a lot of misfortune. At least that's what people say.”

She laughed as if this was an remarkable understatement.

“Yes”, she said and shook her head. “If you call the loss of everything that was dear and important to you as well as your financial security a simple misfortune, then yes, you are absolutely correct. You know, it cannot be said that my family here in London would not take good care of me. My uncle is a sincere, good man. He treats me like a daughter – and he allows me to have a good life. Without him I would have already ended up at the work house, and if he dies one day this will be my final destination without doubt. To remarry as fast as possible is my only option. And still-” She hesitated and her fingers nervously slid over the edges of the box. “And still there is nothing what I hate more than getting dressed up all like that.” She furrowed her brows and eyed the crème silk in silent disgust. “That's not who I am. All the jewellery, this drawling and simpering – those are habits that I can certainly perform, there is no doubt about that. But after all I feel like a poodle someone has taught tricks when it was young, while all the other girls can be like this so... naturally. Life has placed a sling around my neck and day by day it is pulled tighter. I can't breath. The thought alone that I will have to live on like this for the upcoming decades leaves me trembling.” Again her eyes filled with tears. “I feel ungrateful and shameless only to think such things, after all what my uncle has done for me. But how can I live a happy life if I cannot even be loved for who I really am? People only show interest for the mask I use to wear.”

Levi reached for her cup and wordlessly refilled it. She thanked him with a smile, before she once more lowered her gaze. Mentally Levi reconsidered what she had just said, again and again. Doing so he carefully looked at the young lady, who seemed to hide her grief in front of her remaining family perfectly well.

“Say”, he began suddenly and placed the pot back on the table. “What would you long to wear if not this dress? You will hardly be able to go naked – considering the reactions.”

She did not answer him, but when she raised her head and looked at him, her eyes rested longer than usual on the dark tailcoat he usually wore. A thin smile showed on his lips. So it was true after all.

“Are you speculating for my clothes, Miss Ral?”

She silently pressed her lips together and her fingers, which were still holding the box, tightly grabbed the dark red tissue paper. Levi shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Like I mentioned before, you really are out of your mind.” With those words he got up and passed the room. Petra turned pale. She pushed the box from her lap and scrambled on her feet.

“Sir!”, she cried out, hurried around the table and grabbed Levi's forearm. Her eyes were filled with the fear to have revealed her true self. “Don't go, I beg you! If my uncle gets to know about this conversation I'll be lost.”

“Don't be stupid, Miss Ral”, Levi answered in a short tempered manner and loosened her hand from his elbow. “I am not going anywhere.” He stopped in front of his commode and opened it, filled by a secret curiosity that he had not seen coming himself. He gave her a last, scrutinizing look and nodded silently. Considering height and stature they pretty much equalled each other. And still he could not believe that she should have managed it to trick grown men into thinking that there truly was a men's body hiding underneath all these garments.

The physician reached inside the commode and took out one of his tailcoats, furthermore a shirt, pantaloons and waistcoat. He randomly selected one of the boxes that contained his cravats and turned towards Petra, who looked at him with huge eyes. Blank confusion was written all over her face. Wordlessly he approached her and handed her his clothings.

“What are you up to?”, she whispered. Her eyes slid over the fabric in a most fascinated manner. The smile on the physician's lips increased.

“Try it on.”

The eyes of the lady widened in silent surprise. She raised her head and stared at Levi as if she was not sure whether she had misunderstood him or not. He folded his arms in front of his chest. “It's not like I try to mock you”, he said finally, “it's rather that I-”

“You don't believe that a woman can create the perfect illusion of masculinity?”, she asked with a low voice and Levi nodded.

“Exactly.” He cleared his throat and looked over to the door. “It might be better I wait outside. Give me a sign once you're dressed.”

He turned to go, but Petra held him back. Her voice filled the air when he had barely reached the door.

“Has someone told you why they sent me to London?”

Her gaze rested on him and suddenly her face showed such a self-confidence that he had to raise his head in order to withstand her look. Once more he nodded.

“Miss Zoe told me in confidence about this incident.”

“When?”

“Last week after we returned from our picnic in the Hyde Park.”

She furrowed her brows and fell silent for quite a while. Several times she shook her head as if she could not believe that this here was really happening. Finally a thin smile showed on her lips.

“I must thank you, Sir.”

Levi raised his brows.

“What for?”

“You are the first human being I have met after the death of my husband who does not treat me like I have taken leave of my senses.”

A subtle gentleness showed in his gaze, while his fingers slowly closed around the door knob. For a moment they looked at each other.

“If there's anything you need”, he said finally and opened the door. “I'll be waiting outside.”

 

Ten minutes later he still stood outside, waiting. Ten minutes in which he was internally hoping that nobody would cross his path, inquiring an explanation for Levi's obviously strange behaviour. His arms folded in front of his chest he leaned against the door frame, staring into darkness, a silent sigh on his lips. Only here and there burned a lonely candle, framed with matte glass. He took out his pocket watch and looked at its display, before he stopped himself from yawning sincerely. He was dead tired.

What had happened to him that he always left rooms due to her presence? The corners of his mouth twitched. He closed his eyes and let his head sink against the dark wood, right in the moment when someone knocked at the door. Levi startled.

“I'm done”, it sounded from inside. “You may come back in.” With a clicking noise the door was opened and Levi entered. Visibly curious he let his gaze wander around the room and solidified once he discovered Petra. He had too look at her twice to recognise her. She had loosened her hair from the kind of pinned up hairstyle she had worn earlier. By now it was held together in her neck by a plain silk ribbon. She had placed her old clothing at one of the surrounding arm chairs. Her back turned in his direction she stood in front of the mirror, apparently not satisfied with the fit of her cravat. When the door closed behind Levi, she turned around. What he saw made him held his breath.

Even though it was one of his very own suits she was wearing it suited her remarkably. Only the sleeves were slightly too long. He did not know what she had done to her chest, but the waistcoat fitted her just as it fitted him. The most interesting thing though was the expression that had accompanied her changing of clothes, indicating that this was not the first time she did something like this. The ladylike aura that had inhered every of her gestures before had disappeared. Her body posture was flawless. Everything about her, the way how she had turned around, how she eyed him in the dim light, how her fingers caressed the white cravat fabric, revealed her change of hearts. The huge eyes, her snub nose – dressed like this she almost equalled young Mr. Arlert. The way she had tied the cravat, though, Levi noticed this right away, was a catastrophe.

“Not bad”, he muttered fascinated and went over to her. He eyed her from head to toe in the most scrutinizing manner. She looked like a boy. She truly looked like a boy. Not like a grown man, but still – he couldn't believe it. “Now I see how you could join the merry crowds.” He nodded approvingly before a thin smile showed on his lips. “But I have never seen a cravat tied in such a bumbling incompetence than yours. Give it to me.”

She took it off and handed it to him. The soft fabric caressed his skin in a strangely familiar way. Carefully taking care of not touching her he placed the cravat around her neck and started to tie it, when his gaze struck something that caught his attention. Initial letters, stitched with golden yarn. Erwin's. A flicker showed in Levi's eyes who tried to keep his self-mastery. Quickly and without any further word he finished his work while a cold hand closed around his heart. He could not help himself but thinking of the Dinner at Nile's house and Erwin's desperate attempt to address him. He remembered the letter Nanaba had given to him. The letter.

“Are you alright?”, Petra asked suddenly. She sounded worried. “You appear so sad all of a sudden, Sir.”

“This cravat I gave to you was the present of a former friend of mine”, Levi answered tonelessly and let Petra go. Without a second glance he turned away from her and went over to the window, where he slightly opened the curtains. Silently he looked out and said nothing for a very long while.

“Do I know him?”, Petra asked eventually. The physician indicated a smile and gave Petra a volatile look from the corners of his eyes. “It's commander Smith, ma'am. The pitiful attempt to make amends for the fact that he had almost shot Eren dead.”

“The duel?”

Visibly surprised the physician let the curtain go and turned around.

“Who told you about that?” He had never mentioned it in front of her. But Petra only gave him a smile.

“My cousins told me about it. They called it the beginning of a truly unconventional friendship.”

Levi did not answer. Deep inside he could see himself standing on the glade, the weapon raised, ready to fire. Sunken in Erwin's arms during the forced dance at the first Ball of Stenton Park. In the forest during the thunderstorm. In Erwin's arbour. He saw Erwin standing close to his piano on the day of their farewell.

Silently Levi looked at his hand. He could still feel it, the tailcoat's fabric, which Erwin had worn on this day, and which Levi had grabbed so desperately.

He took a deep breath.

“Unconventional it was indeed.”

Petra looked at him silently. The smile that had shown on her face only moments before had vanished. Levi believed to see a certain compassion in her eyes.

“Excuse me if I overstep my bounds by saying so”, she began and went over to him. “But during the dinner the other day I hardly ever had the feeling that you have ever fancied each other. I have never felt such a gap between two people.”

Levi's hands turned into fists. And while he tried to remain calm on the outside, the desire and longing he had suppressed for weeks hit him out of the blue.

“Did he do something to you, Sir?”, Petra asked silently.

“No”, he answered and lowered his gaze. And that was the whole problem. “He did nothing at all.”

Filled by a sudden impetus he let his hand slid into the chest pocket of his tailcoat and took out the letter. A sigh left his lips.

“But I won't keep it a secret that he made some efforts to explain the reasons for his behaviour since my arrival. Unfortunately your fainting back then thwarted his plans.”

He gave Petra a tired look, who suddenly turned very pale.

“Oh”, she moaned and covered her lips with her hand. “Forgive me. If I had known I would have never dared to-”

“It's not like I actually wanted to listen to what he was about to tell me, Miss Ral”, Levi interrupted her with a harsh voice. “At least not back then.”

“And now you've changed your opinion?”, she insisted. “What you're holding in your hands there is a letter of him, isn't it? Was this the reason for why you disappeared with Miss Smith the other day?”

“Yes.” Levi nodded and looked at his name that showed on the upper surface in Erwin's handwriting. “I haven't read it yet, though.”

All of a sudden the smile returned on her face. Carefully she took the letter out of his hands.

“It's none of my business”, she began and carefully examined the dark red seal. “But maybe it's related to the ball next week. Possibly it will shed another light on what he wants to tell you. Maybe, in the end, it will even enable you to forgive him, whatever he might have done to you.”

She handed him the letter back. Their eyes met. She was right. It was his pride that stood between him and Erwin, and Levi now realised it. He nodded and took a deep breath. He then broke the seal and unfolded the letter. He gave the writing a quick look and honest surprise showed on his face.

“What's written there?”, he noticed Petra's voice next to him.

“Nothing much”, he replied. It was Erwin's shortest letter so far. His writing filled hardly three lines.

 

_Levi_ .

_No matter what you do - make sure I will be the first one you talk to at the night of the ball. I ask you. It is utterly important._

_E.S._

 

He showed her the letter and she looked at it in curiosity. After she was done reading, she as well furrowed her brows.

“That's all?”, she asked visibly amazed.

“Seems so.”

“I wonder what he's up to tell you.”

Levi shrugged and folded the letter.

“He will most likely try to straighten out the matter. It's not a secret that this man is quite a stubborn fellow. He will not give up until I will finally have offered him a chance to explain himself.”

“Yes”, Petra agreed and leaned against the windowsill. “Some people say this is one of his most characteristic traits. When he has set his mind on something nothing can make him stop.”

Levi nodded. How right she was. Whenever he remembered their shared time in Stenton Park he realised that all of this could only have happened due to the fact that Erwin had found himself unable to accept Levi's antipathy towards him. It had been Erwin's determination and persistence that had seduced Levi into getting involved with him in every imaginable way possible.

For one last time Levi looked at the letter and put it away. Maybe, he could not help himself from thinking, he had treated him not in the way he had deserved it. Maybe there really was a reason for the lack of letters. A reason that went beyond lost interest in his person. Maybe, and the thought alone made his heart beat faster, Erwin's feelings had been good and honest.

“You should accompany me for a drink or two in this suit”, said Levi. Feeling much better all of a sudden he smirked. “Only provided you're able to hold your drink in a place ruled by grown men.”

“Oh, Dr. Ackerman!”, Petra cried out and a smile as bright as the sun showed on her face. “You're underestimating me. Brace yourself, for I will perfectly show you how a woman can stand her ground just fine, Sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening!
> 
> Christmas is just around the corner, and therefore I decided to upload the one night earlier! YAY! I don't know how it is with you guys, but I'm honestly happy once this year is over. It did not bring so much good things. Hopefully 2017 will turn out a little better. And hopefully I will finally be able to find out what to do with my life. Even though I would like to make writing my living, it's nothing that would pay my rent now. I hope after all that I might be able to sell this here to a publisher one it's done. What do you guys think? Possible? Impossible?
> 
> For one last time this year I shall write down the parts of this chapter I liked the most. 
> 
> 1\. Petra. She truly is a good soul. I love the way she helps Levi out.  
> 2\. Levi. I love the way he helps Petra ;) I also love the way he is absolutely impressed by her appearance in his clothes.   
> 3\. Erwin's letter. You expected something longer, admit it :D
> 
> My beta uses to say that she usually clearly dislikes Petra, but the conversations here are so flowing she can't help herself. I really feel like Petra and Levi share a strong connection here. 
> 
> Thinking about it, there is not one single person in the entire book I would like to change places with. Levi might be a free man, but being a physician in the countryside back then was hard work too. He usually gets up when the sun rises and comes home in the dark. His past has scarred his soul. Same goes for Eren. Hange somehow has managed it to live a free life, but she is strongly judged by society for that. Erwin and Mike fight as soldiers in a time that does not have proper medical treatment methods. Erwin also shows symptoms of PTBS, but there are no treatment methods for this either yet. This is a time where homosexual intercourse was considered equal to sodomy. Nanaba is an intelligent young lady but is forced for find a husband that provides for her. Petra would already be in the work house if it wasn't for her uncle. Mr. Middleton somehow needs his daughters to be married, but that might be something that's not so easy to organize. And they are drinking so much here that my friends in Germany sometimes call me the Charles Bukowski of Fanfiction.  
> It's hard times they live in. Fun fact: Erwin and Mike are members of the gentry. They appear really nice and generous here, but in fact they could punish everyone who entered their property to hunt (like the land of Stenton Park) by shooting them or long term prison sentences.   
> There will be hunger riots in 1813.   
> If Levi had not helped Eren back in 1804, that boy would have probably been sent to Australia. All the men described here are survivors. Survivors of a war, of horrible childhoods. We shall not forget that no matter how classy and fancy the lifes of those who are described here appear, the line between rich and poor, wealthy and struggling, healthy and dying are way closer here than they might be today (from my German point of view). Eren could have easily died due to his wound. Same goes for Erwin. Even a small cut can be letal without vaccines and antibiotics. But I'm ranting here :D 
> 
> Have a nice christmas and holiday and make it save to 2017. I'm already translating the upcoming chapter here. The German SmdS is done! - except for the afterword. So I'll be rushing through the translation of SmdS now. The Snuffplot is already waiting for me. 
> 
> Take care and try not to take everything too seriously! 
> 
> Sincerely yours,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	18. The Ball of the Smith Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My notes this time are too long, so I need to split them up.   
> BUT PLEASE!   
> Read the chapter first and then come back to this. Otherwise you will SPOILER YOURSELF TAKE CARE.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _______
> 
> It would have been too easy, wouldn't it?
> 
> Hello and welcome back to the first chapter in 2017! 
> 
> The working title was 'The Neverending Search for Commander Erwin Smith' and I think it's not a lie. Also I remember when I first read the draft to my Erwin, who cosplayed from this novel with me, we always drank a glass of whiskey whenever Levi had to drink. The Lend me Your Summer drinking game. I must not mention that we were both slightly drunk after finishing this chapter. And yeah, don't do this at home kids. Drink responsible ;)
> 
> So a lot of things have happened so far. I finished the German version this week and changed the status officially to "done. so done", and to be honest, that was a nice feeling. I already had my mourning phase about that, once in Octobre 2015 and once in November 2016, so as far as I can say, I am now done with this story. Still though, I love translating it and going through everything for one more time. And I'm laughing so much while doing this. Both Levi as well as Erwin are so utterly incompetent when it comes to emotional affairs, it's hillarious. 
> 
> So, well, yeah, the chapter! Man, it's been a long ass chapter, as Levi would say. It's one of my favourite chapters, because it is well composed. I don't know if you have ever seen Pride and Prejudice from 2005, but there is this one ball at Netherfield where the Bennets go accompanied by their cousin. And you have these super long scenes and characters who appear and miss each other and such. Like a play. I wanted to do something like that too. And this is what happened.

Together with his foster father Eren still stood in the middle of the room they shared. It was the evening of the ball. One after another they had taken a bath and dressed up in their most elegant garments. There was no doubt that this evening would mark the peak of their stay in London. The return journey that Levi had considered  unreachably far away on the day of his arrival had finally approached.

While dressing, Levi checked his pocket watch from time to time and pulled a wry face. They were late. Most certainly the others were already waiting for them in the salon. With a sigh he placed the watch back in his waistcoat pocket and gave Eren, who was putting on his black leather shoes, a volatile look. As during the first ball at Stenton Park, Eren's cheeks shimmered reddish in excitement. He was obviously looking forward to be reunited with their friends and patrons. Levi felt quite the same. 

„I wonder in what kind of estate commander Smith is living”, Eren's voice eventually filled the air.

“Well, I hope it will be huge enough for his ego”, the physician remarked very drily. He stood in the front of a head-high mirror and was tying his cravat. After he was done doing so, he searchingly eyed himself from head to toe. One last time he let his fingers  run through the hair he had slicked back with pomade. He still noticed the scent of musk that belonged to his aftershave with every gesture he made. In one unobserved moment he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and took out Erwin's letter. He gave it a short look, then placed it back without Eren noticing. This letter would accompany him tonight. 

In his thoughts he was already at the Smith residence. 

 

Inspired by his previous conversation with Petra Levi had spent the entire afternoon rereading all the letters Erwin had once sent to him over and over again, especially the one Eren had given to him on the day of Erwin's departure. Back then Levi had avoided to confront himself more than necessary with what had been written down there. The wounds had been too fresh. The pain too strong. But now, after he had reconsidered these lines so often, Levi was not sure anymore about the opinion he had built of Erwin Smith. Petra's words had their own distinct effect.

Of course there had been the aspect of duty fulfilment that had in the end led to Erwin's and Mike's departure. A draft order was nothing that should be ignored easily. And Erwin, Levi had not forgotten about that, was a dutiful and sincere man who knew his place in society as well as what was expected from him. 

Once Levi compared both their situations to each other it was obvious that he himself, a physician without family but with a reasonable fortune could  probably be considered  more of a free man than Erwin and Mike. Levi was his own master. Erwin, though, had to be aware of eventual consequences for his sisters and mother with every of his actions, since their fortune was utterly connected to his decisions. Therefore it was only his sense of decency that made him act according to what society considered appropriate. But even though he had known about all of this, their departure included, he had always remained close to Levi. What, if not honest feelings, would be testified by such behaviour? 

Erwin had asked him to forgive him one day.

Levi's fingers slid over the fabric of his jacket. He raised his head and looked one last time in the mirror. A pair of steel grey eyes stared back, filled with determination. He clicked his tongue and took a deep breath.

“Fine”, he said to himself. “I shall forgive you.”

A surprised gasp sounded in  the background. It was Eren. By now he had put on his shoes, went over to the side table and was pouring himself something to drink. With furrowed brows he looked over to his foster father.

“Why should you forgive me, Sir?”, he asked with  a surprised smile. “It's not like I did anything, right? Oh-!”

Distracted by the words he had just addressed to Levi he had forgotten about the cup in which he was pouring tea. In the meantime it had been filled completely and was now overflowing. The tea spread over the table, the tablecloth and finally dropped on the ground. 

“Eren”, Levi moaned most irritatedly. He turned away from the mirror and gave the boy a look filled with anger. “Is it so hard to take care of your own actions?”

“Oh Sir, I'm so terribly sorry”, it burst out of the boy who frantically placed the cup on a dry place, looking at the mess he had caused in dismay. 

“And you're still not properly dressed”, Levi muttered. Eren sighed and Levi followed his example. “It's always the same with you, boy.” The physician stepped closer to his protégé and placed a hand on his shoulder while passing him. “I’ll go downstairs and get a new cloth. And you will be all neat and dressed up once I return.”

Eren nodded, still looking at the chaos that surrounded them.

“Understood, Sir.”

Without any further word Levi cleaned up the table, folded the soaked tablecloth together and left the room. When the door closed behind him he silently shook his head. He would have preferred it to be on this ball already. The waiting only strengthened the nervousness that he tried to hide in front of the others and that tortured him ever since he had read the letter.

He placed his fingers on the knot of his cravat. It was the one Erwin had given to him back then. Since that day months had passed and still Levi could smell the weak scent of the perfume the commander normally used. 

He was eager to know what Erwin had to tell him. And the sooner he met him, the sooner they solved all of this, the sooner they would be able to treat each other again like during  the summer months. 

His  feet led him down the hallway until he finally reached the staircase, where he met Hanji halfway down. She was already fully dressed. Once she laid her eyes on him she started to smile.

“Levi!”, she shouted and waved at him. “As usually you look fantastic.” She appreciatively clicked her tongue and patted his shoulder.

“That's because men usually wear the same garments on every ball”, Levi replied with a clear lack of enthusiasm and tried to pass her. The lady turned over to him.

“Oh, before I forget it”, she said and Levi hesitated. “You will be sharing the carriage with Miss Ral.” She laughed. “I hope you don't mind.”

They exchanged a look and Levi pressed his lips together. His finger clenched the wet tablecloth.

“Why should I?”, he muttered.

“Right?” Her smile broadened. “What belongs together shall not be separated. You don't need to thank me for that, my dear.” She winked at him and disappeared behind a corner soon after. For a moment Levi looked after her. He then shook his head and went on.

 

_[(Start the soundtrack here. Make sure to let it run in a loop.)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycNCAslpZF4) _

 

It might have been that Hange had arranged a shared carriage ride for Levi and Petra to the Smith residence, but due to a request of Mr. Middleton Hange and Eren kept them company – to Hange's disappointment and Levi's joy. It had noticeably cooled down over the past few days and so it was bitterly cold in the vehicle cabin. Eren, who sat next to Levi, kept kneading his hands, while the ladies tried to protect themselves with jackets and fur. It was Hange who continuously tried start a conversation but did not succeed very well. Levi did not feel like talking. Lost in his thoughts he was already pondering what he wanted to say to Erwin once he met him. Silently he had leaned his head against the  glass and looked out to the gas lanterns that seamed their way. After a while Hange finally gave up to involve him into their conversation and let him be. Instead she now turned towards Eren, who replied her advances with joy, chatting with her about this and that. 

The longer they drove, the more their arrival approached, the stronger grew the nervousness that filled Levi's chest. And when they finally stopped in the front of their host's estate, his heart was beating heavily. He noticed Hange's and Petra's lively chatting in the background, yet he was hardly listening. His eyes widened, the lips slightly opened, he stared out of the window. He could not  breathe .

In front of him there was an estate of incredible size. The main building was made out of bright stone, which's front had been decorated with Corinth pillars. Next to it Levi discovered a similar looking smaller building. It reminded him of drawings of antique greek monuments that he had gazed at in wonder when he was still a little boy. And even now he was overwhelmed by all the beauty.

They stopped in front of huge stone stairs. Without saying a word, Levi's eyes wandered over the illuminated house front. His mouth felt dry. Eren, who sat next to him,  leaned closer to his foster father in order to have a look through the window as well. Their heads in the same height, Levi could clearly hear the sound of his breathing that starting trembling in awe. And also Levi, who was a person that was not impressed easily, needed a few moments to gather  his composure . He let the ladies leave first, then followed them outside. Once his feet had touched the ground he once more stared at the building. Hange and Petra, though, who were visiting this place obviously not for the first time, did not appear very amazed. 

Putting his head into his neck Eren jumped out of the vehicle cabin and stopped next to Levi.

“I knew that commander Smith was quite better off than we are”, he whispered tonelessly to his foster father, “but now where we in fact stand here I finally realize how rich his family really is.”

The physician refrained from commenting his protégé's remark. He had been absolutely oblivious about the financial magnitude in which Erwin had grown up. Suddenly his hands felt cold and wet. If this ball matched  these dimensions it would turn out to be almost impossible to spend a few minutes alone with the host. 

Levi took a deep breath and bit his bottom lip. His stomach turned into a knot.

“Sir?”

Lost in thoughts he raised his head and looked over to Eren, who was pointing with his thumb at the two ladies. They had already turned away and headed toward the stairs. He nodded at the boy. Together they followed them.

“The estate has been build in the early eighteenth century”, Hange started babbling once they had caught up with her. They entered the building and handed their hats and jackets to the servants. “It has been designed by some  architect from Venice and always been owned by the Smith family.” She burst out laughing when she noticed Levi's and Eren's facial expression. “He appears too much down to earth to be the owner of such an estate, right? Come on, let's go inside.”

Together they entered the entrance hall. One short look was enough to make Levi clench his hands into fists due to the beauty that could be seen here. No bright or strong colours had been used here. Instead white marble extended over two floors  high . On the left and right side there were two open  fireplaces , which's gracefully built decoration reached a height of about eight feet. From every side large wing doors led to the side wings of the building. The walls itself showed additional marble pillars that supported strips made from stucco and which separated the hall in an upper and bottom half. Above these strips there was the same kind of decoration as  on the ground floor. In cylindrical recesses Levi could see white marble statues that appeared to be watching the visitors from their exposed location. Slowly he let his gaze wander around and stopped in the middle of the room when his eyes struck the ceiling. From a circle which's centre showed the picture of a young lady who was dressed  in nothing but white clothes, the most extensive stucco that Levi had ever seen spread. That must be where you go when you die, he could not help himself from thinking. In every piece of marble, in every fragment of stucco, in every statue and painting he could see Erwin Smith. The reluctant coloration, the clear lines – it was a place where the mind could  breathe . A place  where someone could think and discuss ideas. A place of Enlightenment.  There was no doubt that Erwin must have had grown up here. 

“Look at Dr. Ackerman.” It was Petra's voice. “Seems like the cat has got his tongue.” Slowly Levi let his head sink and looked at the ladies. Eren, who had tried to hide himself behind Levi's back since they had left the carriage, followed his example. His eyes shimmered in the dim twilight of the candles. 

“Have you ever seen something so magnificent, Sir?”, he asked silently. 

“No”, Levi replied and shook his head. “No, never.”

“We should go and greet our hosts”, Hange interrupted them with a satisfied smile. It did not happened often that Levi showed such unhidden fascination. He nodded and pressed his lips together. Once they had greeted them he would have already addressed his first words to Erwin. Even in the case they would not find any time to have a proper conversation after that at least Erwin would know that Levi had  accepted his invitation.

Together they searched their way through the crowds. Levi had never seen so many people gathered at one place. Short as he was he struggled to survey the situation and therefore he remained between Eren and Hange until they finally stopped. When he had fought his way up to the front line, his gaze  rested on three ladies in front of him. The oldest was not older than fifty years. The light blonde hair combed back her dress showed a plain, simple elegance. Next to her stood Nanaba, accompanied by a third young lady whom Levi did not know. Erwin was missing. Levi's heart stopped beating for a second. Why was he not surprised?

“Miss Zoe, Miss Ral, I'm so glad you came”, the oldest of the three greeted the them with a friendly smile. Three pairs of blue eyes rested on the new arrivals. She took Petra's hand and gently squeezed it. 

“It has been way too long, Miss Smith”, Hange said smiling and got the approval of the others in return. 

“Indeed. We are more than happy that you could offer  up some time to  accept our invitation.”

They nodded at each other. Afterwards Hange pointed at Levi and Eren.

“May I introduce my companions? Dr. Levi Ackerman and Mr. Eren Jaeger. Both are good friends of mine from Brighthampton. Levi, Eren, this is Miss Smith, Commander Smith's mother.” The physician indicated a bow and was rewarded with a smile. 

“It's a pleasure to meet you”, he greeted the three ladies. 

“The pleasure is all mine”, the oldest replied and in contrary to when Nile addressed these words to Levi back then he believed her. “May I introduce my daughters – Miss Nanaba and Miss Charlotte.”

Levi exchanged a look with Nanaba. As usual the typical, self-confident smile showed on her lips. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, she addressed him with the certain kind of sarcasm nobody but Levi would notice. “Who would have guessed that we would meet again so soon?”

“Yes”, Levi replied drily. “Even I am absolutely surprised.”

He looked over to Eren from the corner of his eyes, but the splendour intimidated him too much to add something to the conversation. It was Hange who proceeded.

“How is Erwin?”, she asked. “Is he not here?” The oldest Miss Smith declined with a volatile gesture. 

“He is doing great”, she smirked. “But, you know him. There has been a small incident in the kitchen. He is just  making sure everything is fine. Would you like to wait for him?”

Levi opened his mouth, but before he could say something Hange had already anticipated him.

“Please don't put yourself to any bother on our account”, she said merrily and willingly ignored Levi's face that darkened due to her words. “We will most likely happen to meet him the one or another time tonight.” She burst out laughing and the other ladies joined. Only Levi remained silent.

“I will come back at you later, Hange”, Nanaba said in her strangely stiff way of talking. They gave each other one last nod. Afterwards the small group turned to leave. 

“Well! Here we go!” Hange checked the fit of her dress and lorgnette that hung around her neck  as usual . “Is everybody  here ?” She winked at Petra and pointed at Levi and Eren. “Maybe we should show these two gentlemen around before we focus on dancing? It's easy to get lost here if it's the first time. The balls on Stenton Park were nothing compared to balls around here.”

Petra, who had acted remarkable calm so far, nodded heavily and smiled. She gave Levi a happy look  that was only replied by Levi in a volatile way. Even though he refrained from agreeing with Hange's offer he did not interrupt her afterwards and listened carefully.

“The ball covers the ground floor and separated rooms on the first floor”, she began and raised her index finger to underline her words. “Drinks and a chamber orchestra can be found in the entrance hall.” With these words she pointed over to the bar that had been built on the  far side of the room. Afterwards she pointed at the staircase which, located on the left side of the bar, led to the first floor. “Take the stairs if you want to access the smoker’s lounge. You won’t meet any ladies there, of course, therefore cigars and liquor.”

Fascinated Levi looked at the stairs,  which’s beautifully decorated handrails fit in perfectly in the surrounding ambient. Only when Hange pointed at a door left from the main entrance, Levi managed it to raise his head and follow her gesture with his eyes.

“Through this door here you can access the salon. If you want to take a break or are looking for the possibility to sit down for a moment, this is the place to be. There will also be a buffet around midnight. After that we shall be amused by the one or another enactment - if you’re looking for somebody it might be the best to have found that person  before midnight, since it will be very crowded around here afterwards. At least it was like this when I used to live in London.”

“It’s still like this”, Petra joined the conversation, standing next to Levi, still smiling. Hange nodded and continued. 

“Finding the ballroom is quite easy. It’s on the other side of the building, just follow the music. I don’t know what you are up to, but if I was the one to decide I would go there right away. I’m in the mood for wine and dancing.”

She burst out laughing and Eren replied her laughter in a shy manner. The boy was still overwhelmed by the sheer splendour of this night and Levi felt the same. Silently he let his gaze wander over the crowd of people. This ball was two or three times as big as those they had participated in at Stenton Park. All  these people  present must have received an invitation letter, just as he had and therefore be in contact with this family. Levi shook his head. It was incredible. 

Together they headed toward the ballroom. They passed the chamber orchestra not far away from the bar, framed by candles that covered everything with their warm, dim light. Wherever Levi looked he saw ladies in  their finest evening dresses, who strolled around in small groups or accompanied by their dancing partner. Men stood together. They chatted and joked around merrily, some of them held glasses with punch in their hands. The air was filled with the perfume of the fine dames and the gentlemen’s aftershave. Silently Levi followed the ladies toward the ballroom, which they entered through huge wing doors. The surrounding ambient changed in an instant. They found themselves in a room that would equal the entrance hall in size. Warm colours dominated. The walls had been panelled with dark wood, the tapestry above showed a sunlike golden tone. Next to impressive stucco decorations there stood huge chandeliers, fully loaded with candles. Furthermore Levi discovered some paintings and statues although they could not hold his interest for long. Located at the head end of the room there was an orchestra, playing music to which the present couples rotated on the dance floor like marionettes controlled by an invisible puppeteer. They danced a contra dance, but the movements were slower and more restrained than on the balls that Levi knew from the countryside. He let his gaze wander around, when Eren touched his elbow. 

“Sir, I think I have found the Middleton twins”, he said under breath. Levi raised his brows and searchingly looked around.

“Where?”

“Over there.”

Eren pointed in a certain direction, but Levi could not see anything. “Would you mind if I’d join them, Sir?”

“Go ahead”, the physician nodded. “But don’t get lost.”

Now Petra joined as well.

“I think I will go and look after Nanaba and the others”, she said with a smile on her lips and disappeared between the others split seconds after. Eren followed her. Wordlessly Levi and Hange looked after them, before Hange, apparently not pleased by their sudden abandonment, pouted and folded her arms in front of her chest.

“And here we are now”, she moaned. “Lonely and desolated. Will you ask me to dance or is this something I need to take care of on my own, Levi?”

Levi rolled his eyes and turned away, before he suddenly stopped as if struck by lightning. Through the shoulders and heads of the others he could see Erwin. He stood close to the entrance door only a few metres away from them. The red of his uniform jacket clearly  stood out  from  the crowd.  Wearing A smile on his lips he merrily chatted with a man Levi had not met before. He had long, blonde hair, was older than Erwin and dressed in a high rank uniform. Next to him stood a young woman who was wearing a costly adorned dress of white colour. Pearls and diamonds sparkled in her blonde hair. Levi suspected her to be Erwin’s third sister, who had been missing during their welcome conversation before. She probably had accompanied her brother to the kitchen. 

With a sudden movement Levi grabbed Hange’s forearm and pulled her close. She started to protest and in the end broke away from him. 

“Levi!”, she hissed, “it hurts, take care! What is wrong?”

He nodded in Erwin’s direction.

“I just discovered Commander Smith.”

Hange turned around, let her gaze wander around and suddenly started so smile a broad smile.

“Marvelous!”, she shouted. “Come, my dear, let’s greet him so we are over and done with that as well.”

She grabbed his wrist and lead the way. Thereby she dragged him after her, who, surrounded by so many people that were taller than him, had a serious chance of getting lost. They had barely walked two metres when she suddenly stopped. Levi, who could not see what happened, almost ran into her and sighed.  All he could hear was her excited chattering and babbling. 

“Mike!”, she yelled with unhidden excitement. “What are you doing here, so far away from the others?”

Levi reached for her shoulders and shifted her away. He had to raise his head to be able to look into that huge man’s face. He, as well as his friend, was also wearing his red uniform. A mischievous smile showed on his face.

“I was on my way to the bar in order to get some drinks”, he began, then finally noticed Levi who was standing right in front of him. Visibly pleased he raised his eyebrows. “Well, good evening Dr. Ackerman. I was not expecting to meet you here.”

Levi put on a severe, mask like smile, unsure what to think about this remark. 

“Well, Lieutenant Zacharias”, he answered with open sarcasm dominating his voice. “I wouldn’t have expected you here as well.”

The giant laughed, then grabbed Levi’s shoulder and shook him gently. 

“You have some fine humour, Dr. Ackerman”, he smirked and took a deep breath. “And a good taste when it comes to the choice of your after shave, too. You fit London quite well, Sir.”

They exchanged a volatile look and Levi furrowed his brows considering this strange comment about his after shave. Deep inside he was relieved when Mike finally let him go. The physician, whose only urge was to head to Erwin, slowly started to feel uneasy.

“You should not forget your drinks”, he remarked a little too casually. “Or do you want your companion to suffer thirst and hunger on such a night?”

Mike raised his hand and wiped away Levi’s objection with a volatile gesture. It seemed like the future receiver of those drinks were no ladies. At least Levi hoped so.

“Don’t worry about such things, Dr. Ackerman”, he said and smirked. “If I get them in half an hour it will still be soon enough.”

Suddenly the music faded and the next dance was announced. It was Mike who clapped his hands in joyful anticipation afterwards. 

“The next dance is a  Quadrille français”, he said toward Hange, whose eyes started to sparkle excitingly. 

“Oh Mike!”, she sighed not without nostalgia and looked at the other with a dreamy gaze. “I shall never forget how I made my debut within these walls.” Theatrically she touched Levi’s shoulder. “I was barely sixteen years old. Back then I was wearing horrible nickel glasses and nobody wanted to dance with me.”

“That hasn’t changed much until today”, remarked Levi, who was not interested at all. She ignored him and proceeded. “Only Erwin and Mike were so friendly to take me under their wings. They have never forgotten how much I love it to be on the dance floor.” She gave Mike a sincere smile and Mike smiled back.

“You are a real philanthropist, Lieutenant Zacharias”, Levi tried to shut down the conversation. “However. We were just about address Commander Smith. If you would excuse us.”

He turned to go and lead the way, but noticed after one, two steps that nobody followed him. When he turned around he could see Hange and Mike exchanging meaningful looks. With an annoyed sigh he stared at those two.

“Just go ahead, my dear Levi”, Hange laughed and waved at him, before he could even open his mouth. “After all these months you will certainly have a lot of things you want discuss in private.”

Levi cleared his throat and wanted to reply something, when Mike had already grabbed Hange and pulled her to the middle of the dance floor. Silently Levi looked after them, then sighed. Until this very moment he had been in good company, but by now everybody he knew had left him. How to drag Hange and Mike from the dance floor was something he would not figure out tonight and he was fully aware of that. For the following hours he would not be able to count on them. Eren and Petra had disappeared. He would approach Erwin on his own - something he preferred anyway, considering the things he wanted to discuss with him. Maybe, if he was lucky on this evening, they could solve all the matters that had separated them for months. 

Levi gave Hange a last look, then turned away and went over to where he had seen Erwin before. But when he arrived the soldier was nowhere to be seen. Together with his companions he had vanished in the crowds. Levi moaned, then ran his fingers through his hair. He moved in a circle and looked around. At the door - nothing. On the dance floor as well.

“That goddamn giant Zacharias”, he muttered towards Mike and left the ballroom, hoping he would be able to find Erwin in the entrance hall. He positioned himself close to the entrance and overlooked the crowd, his steel grey eyes with the determination of an eagle, not willed to miss what could be useful for him. Not far away from stood a servant, carrying a tablet with drinks. Without paying any further attention to him, Levi took one of the glasses, emptied it in one gulp and placed it back, causing the servant, who tried to keep a mask of apathy, to rapidly walk away. 

“Well, if that was not some skilful drinking, Dr. Ackerman”, it sounded next to him and Levi whirled around. Nanaba was leaning against the wall, an approving smile on her lips. “Do you always empty your glasses as if this was your last day on earth?”

“Shouldn’t Miss Ral be with you?”, Levi ignored her mockeries, whereupon she folded her arms in front of her chest.

“No”, she replied drily and watched the passing people together with him. “Should she?”

“About twenty minutes ago she bid her farewell in order to look for you.”

“Well, seems like she has not found me so far then.” Nanaba shook her head, but the smirking remained. “On balls of such size you truly waste too much time searching for your loved ones, don’t you think so?”

“Indeed.”

Levi carefully examined everyone who crossed his path, but could not see Erwin anywhere. Nanaba, who would not miss his determined expression, eyed him in silent amusement. 

“Talking about that”, she said, “do you happen to know where Miss Zoe might be? I was looking for her.”

“She’s dancing with Lieutenant Zacharias”, Levi replied uninterested. “At least she was there when I left them half an hour ago.”

“How well observed of you, Dr. Ackerman.” She nodded to him and turned to go. “If you may excuse me.”

He  watched her leave , then suddenly his face lit up. 

“Wait!”, he yelled at her harshly, causing the lady to stop. She turned towards him. “Would you have the decency to tell me where I can find your brother in return?”

“Erwin?”, she asked in a tone indicating that she had secretly expected this question from him. She placed her index finger on her chin and thought for a little while. “When I saw him for the last time he was on the staircase, heading toward the first floor. Maybe you will find him in the smoker’s lounge. But you should hurry up, since he does not smoke himself.”

Levi nodded. He dropped a short thanks to her, then somehow made his way through the crowds. 

He had barely placed one foot on the stairs, when suddenly two ladies blocked his way, ladies he knew way too well for his taste. The Middleton sisters. Levi moaned inside. 

“Dr. Ackerman!”, both girls shouted simultaneously. As Hange two lorgnettes had been placed around their necks. Levi, who was not in the mood for conversations, was about to just turn and walk away, when both girls linked their arms with his, forcing him to stay. Next to him he could hear their giggling. 

“Do you like it here so far?”, asked the first.

“Have you danced already?”, asked the second.

“Yes and no”, he replied irritatedly, while the ladies carried him away from the stairs. “I’m trying to change the latter though. If you’d excuse me, I’m in a hurry.”

He tried to break free, but the girls would not let him go - considering their strength and stubbornness they truly equalled their aunt. 

“You always are in a hurry, doctor”, Fiona smiled next to him. Or Sophia, Levi could not say for sure, since they wore identical dresses and jewelry as usual. 

“I am?”, he muttered tonelessly and received heady nodding in return. 

“Absolutely! You approached the staircase as if you were on the hunt.”

“So dashing. A man who knows what he wants.”

The girls giggled and Levi looked one last time to the stairs, knowing that he would not climb them before too long. They were the daughters of his host and Hange’s nieces. He could not treat them in such a rude and harsh manner as Eren. He bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes for a moment. The girls grizzled next to him. 

“Apart from that we have hardly had the chance to talk to you since you arrived in London. It’s not like we would not appreciate Mr. Jaeger’s company, but without you it’s just not the same, Sir-”

Levi sighed. He gave up.

“What could possibly satisfy you?”, he finally asked and fuelled the sparkling in the girls’ eyes.

“You could go and get us something to drink!”, they cried out simultaneously. “And then tell us the recent news from Brighthampton. We miss the sea and the coast.”

Levi nodded.

“Two drinks”, he said and raised his hand. “Just stay right here.”

He loosened the  ladies’ grip in silent desperation from his arms and approached the  first servant that he could find. Wordlessly he took two glasses from his tablet and returned to the girls as fast as possible. With a broad smile they received the drinks.

“That sure was a respectable pace, Dr. Ackerman”, the first began and the second started to laugh. “If we could only say that for all the other gentlemen as well.”

Levi forced himself to smile. One, two more minutes he could spend with them, but then he would definitely head to the smoker’s salon. No matter what would happen.

“Now don’t be a slowpoke and tell us”, the lady next to him insisted. “Is there anything new in Brighthampton?”

“Not much”, Levi answered reluctantly. “Everything worth to be mentioned has surely been illustrated by Hange and Eren already.” Both girls pulled a pouting face, since Levi’s answer was obviously not what they had been longing for. “Eren has spent most of the time learning and my business demanded my whole attention. There was not much time left for personal affairs.”

“You certainly are a hard working man”, said Fiona and once more linked her arm with his. “It’s a shame that you can only visit us for such a short time. Are you sure you cannot stay for a few more weeks?” Sophia now had approached him again as well. They are like leeches, Levi happened to think. 

“How about we’d make a day trip somewhere, just like back then when we travelled to Bath.”

“In no case”, Levi gasped, who felt like the closeness of the ladies was choking him. “The business can’t wait so long. I’m needed in Brighthampton.”

Suddenly someone placed a hand on his shoulder, huge and heavy. Levi whirled around and looked into Mr. Middleton’s face, who stood behind him, grinning. Levi, who was usually not a religious person, sent a little hurried prayer to the heavens.

“Do you have a pleasant evening so far, Dr. Ackerman?”, he asked with his usual sincerity. 

“Certainly”, lied Levi and freed himself with a forced smile from the ladies’ grip. “But I need to go to the smoker’s lounge.”

Mr. Middleton laughed. It was a deep and warm laughter. Then he removed his hand from Levi’s shoulder, who now noticed with surprise the scent of cigars on him. 

“A remarkably beautiful room”, he said. “Commander Smith was so kind to show me around  a little .”

Levi’s eyes widened. 

“Is he still upstairs?”

“Oh, when I returned a few moments ago he just had been involved in a conversation. Are you looking for him?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, I suppose you shall have the best chances to find your friend there.” He laughed once more and kissed his glass. Levi thanked him and turned to go, when once more the voice of the old man occurred behind him.

“Dr. Ackerman!”

Levi stopped and turned around. 

“Yes, Sir?” 

“Feel free to stop by for a drink and talk when your time allows it.”

After a moment of hesitation he nodded.

“Certainly”, he muttered.

Then, finally, he hurried upstairs. 

 

The smoker’s lounge was a small but fine room. It had been coated completely with dark wood. Wine red, flower embroidered silk tapestry gave it all a cozy atmosphere. When he entered Levi passed a wooden globe and a serving table on which countless liquor bottles had been placed. Facing the entrance door, in an open marble fireplace, there was a fire burning. Scattered around there were several leather armchairs. Here and there sat, stood gentlemen, a cigar in the one, a glass of whiskey in the other hand. They talked about politics and business. The scent of tobacco filled the air. It was cozy, in a way that made it hard to believe that there was a roaring fest going on downstairs. Levi let his gaze wander around the room, but soon realised that Erwin was not around anymore. He sighed and reached for his head. It was foreseeable that they were destined to miss each other once more. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, a voice that Levi  did not recognize in the first moment sounded next to him. “Is that you?”

The physician turned around and discovered Nile Dawk sitting in the armchair next to him. He held a cigar between his fingers. A patronizing smile showed on his face. Levi’s face went blank. He tried not to show any of the antipathy he felt towards Nile. In fact he was the last man on earth whom he wanted to spend time with right now. 

“I’m sorry”, Levi said, “but I was just about to leave.”

“Are you searching someone?” Without looking at Levi he waved at one of the servants who approached them afterwards. “Sir, have the kindness to get me and my friend Dr. Ackerman a glass of Wilson.”

“Mr. Dawk”, Levi insisted. “I’m running out of time. I must go.”

The other shook his head and pointed to the armchair next to him. 

“Don’t be a spoilsports, doctor, a short drink has never harmed anyone. Sit down.”

Levi hesitated. He exchanged a look with  Nile , who demandingly raised his brows, looked over to the door, back at Nile and opened his mouth to talk back, when the servant arrived with two glasses of whiskey. Reluctantly Levi took one of the glasses. He decided to drink as fast as possible and then leave right away. Without saying anything he sat down and took a sip. It was a good, high quality whiskey, the same that Pixis once had poured into his punch.

“You know, Dr. Ackerman”, Nile proceeded and looked at the amber-coloured liquid in his glass, “I think I need to apologize to you.”

“You don’t say”, Levi replied and raised his brows. “What makes you think so?”

In progressively shorter intervals he nipped on his drink. His gaze was still nervously wandering around, hoping that Erwin might return. He only listened half-heartedly to Nile, whom he abhorred from the bottom of his heart. He was one of  those men that only participated in conversations to hear their own voice. 

“Yes”, Nile nodded and turned the cigar back and forth between his fingers. “You know, if I think about it properly I have acted truly unreasonable towards you on this evening.”

Levi raised his head and looked at his counterpart in a quite unimpressed manner. 

“I think you need to express your thoughts a little more specific”, he said coldly. Nile drank something, then went on.

“Well, Miss Zoe and Lieutenant Zacharias were so kind to tell me some things about your upbringing. I must say, I am very impressed by your achievements.”

He inhaled some smoke of his cigar and presented it to Levi with a volatile gesture. 

“Do you want a cigar as well?”

“I don’t smoke.”

Levi continued drinking. He felt a certain aversion, drinking such a high quality product in such a fast manner, yet his priorities on this evening were  somewhat different. He wanted to meet Erwin.  Nile’s never ending monologues progressively irritated him.

“There are certainly many people who can take you as an example, considering your dedication and diligence, Dr. Ackerman.”

“It pleases me that your opinion about my person seems to have changed.” With these words Levi placed the glass on his lips and emptied it. He was rather a fiend than to bear this conversation for one more second. He placed the glass on a side table and stood up. “However, I must go now. I bid my farewell, Mr. Dawk.”

He nodded at him, then turned around and left the smoker’s salon, returning to the entrance hall. The alcohol burned in his throat and brought a sincere warmth, causing him to loosen his cravat slightly with his fingers. He checked the fit of his hair, then shook his head. This night was cursed. It was out of questions. It was truly ironic that the last ball he had spent in Erwin’s company was considered by him the most beautiful time he had ever lived through, while tonight formed the complete opposite so far. 

On the middle of the stairs he stopped. From here he could get a nice overview. Silently he searched the crowd with his eye and was just about to turn away from the handrail in order to return to the ballroom, when a group of red uniforms struck his eyes. A second glimpse testified his suspicion. In the middle of them stood Erwin Smith, surrounded by what Levi supposed to be members of his regiment. Next to him, smiling from time to time, there stood his sister with the beautifully decorated hair. Motionlessly Levi stared at Erwin, who, even though he was participating in the conversation, searchingly looked around from time to time. Levi’s hart started to beat faster. He waved at one passing servant, took one of the glasses and emptied it in one long gulp, while his eyes would not let go of Erwin. He knew nobody but the commander himself, and the fact that he was about to run into a group of soldiers was enough to make him secretly tremble. For a second he closed his eyes, then let go of the handrail and went down the stairs. No matter who barred his way from now on, he would not stop before he had reached Erwin. 

He had barely left the last step, when he merged with the crowd. He struggled through ladies and gentlemen and headed to the point where he had seen Erwin only seconds before. Suddenly, a well known voice occurred behind him.

“Levi, Sir! Sir!”

It was Eren and he sounded very excited. Levi would have recognized his foster son’s voice amongst thousand others. An irritated moan left his throat. He wondered for a moment, if it would not be better to just ignore his protégé. But while he was still thinking about it, someone reached for his shoulder. Levi turned around and looked at Eren, who stood right in front of him, a broad smile written all over his face. Levi sighed.

“At least one of us is having fun here”, he muttered visibly annoyed and raised his brows, when he discovered two full glasses resting in Eren’s hands. What a nice upbringing, he could not help himself from thinking, but then he noticed Eren’s companion. The physician’s eyes widened in silent surprise. Next to his foster son stood a blonde boy with blue eyes and snub nose.

“Arlert?”, he asked and looked back and forth between Eren and Armin. “Shouldn’t you be in Brighthampton?”

Eren, whose cheeks shimmered reddish laughed happily. 

“You cannot imagine how surprised I was when I ran into him here!”, he shouted and handed one of the glasses over to Levi. “Oh, by the way, this is for you, Sir.”

Levi thanked him with a nod, then took a first sip. One thing was for certain - it had been a while since he got drunk with such a lack of pleasure. Eren kept talking at him, but Levi did not listen. “I was waiting at the bar”, Eren proceeded nevertheless, “to get some drinks for the Middleton sisters when he suddenly stood next to me out of the blue.” He laughed again. Everything on him appeared a little out of tune. His voice showed a slight, drunken slur. 

“What brings you to London?”, Levi asked short tempered and kissed his glass while he looked over to Erwin from the corners of his eyes. It calmed him down to know that the other was still close by. Still, though, he drank in big gulps, something that eventually caused Eren to furrow his brows. 

“Oh, Sir, are you alright?”, he asked in the end. “I can go and get you another glass later, there is no need for binge… drinking…” One look of Levi over the edge of his glass was enough to make the boy hush. 

“I’m passing through  whilst heading  to Cambridge”, Armin answered visibly in a good mood. 

“Cambridge? What on earth are you ought to do there?”, Levi remarked casually, who  did not dare to  move his eyes  away from Erwin. In the meantime Nile had approached them as well and involved the others in a conversation. Next to him Levi could see Erwin’s nameless sister. Apparently Nile had made a joke, since suddenly her laughter filled the air. With a smile on his lips Erwin patted his friend’s shoulder, then, suddenly, the group started moving.

It marked Levi’s  cue to leave .

He emptied his glass and gave it back to Eren, who stared at his foster father with huge eyes. Passing him, Levi gently patted the boy’s arm in a patronizing manner. 

“Y’all sure get along without me, will ya?”

“Eh, yes, sure, Sir.”

“Fine. I oughta go.” Levi cleared his throat and pointed at Armin with his index finger. “And make sure to properly take care of Eren, Arlert, that boy’s hella talented when it’s about getting into trouble.”

With these words he turned away from his protégé and his friend and followed Erwin towards the ballroom. And even though he did everything in his power he could not prevent that he once more lost sight of the blonde commander. Swearing silently he entered the ballroom, with rapid steps and rushing, when suddenly something threw him back. He noticed a certain moisture in his face and on his hands, followed from the sound of bursting crystal. As if struck by lightning he stopped.

“You lout, can’t you watch your steps?”

Two ladies stood in front of him, their faces showing honest outrage. Marie Dawk and Petra Ral. The latter had just poured a glass of wine into her neckline. Marie, who stood next to her, took out a handkerchief and started to dab the soaked parts. 

“You can count yourself lucky that it’s only white wine”, Marie ranted without looking at Levi. Levi doubted that she had recognized him. Only when she, caused by his silence, eventually looked at him, she raised her brows in honest surprise.

“Oh, Dr. Ackerman”, she shouted out, but her voice lowered with every word. “It’s you.”

“I have overlooked you”, Levi began and took out a handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket, which he handed over to Petra. She had blushed under the views of the surrounding people. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine”, she whispered, “there is no serious damage after all.”

Levi pulled a wry face. That must be how Eren might have felt when he broke the bottle with opium back then.

“Your dress”, Levi began and was suddenly reminded of their conversation back the other day. 

“Oh, it’s only a few sprinkles of white wine”, she declined his remark and smiled at him. Only now he noticed that they stood not far away from the dance floor. They probably had waited for someone to offer them a dance.

“A few sprinkles - it’s nothing of that sort!”, Marie proceeded, eying Levi from head to toe. “You cannot just run over the ladies, ball or not. Take care of your steps next time. And don’t you think that we will just let you get away with such a behaviour that easily, have you understood?”

A bitter smile showed on Levi’s face. He actually had considered to turn angry considering this awful situation, but by now he could only laugh. He took out his pocket watch and looked at it. It was already half past eleven. In less than thirty minutes the buffet would be opened. He felt like a higher power tried to keep him away from the commander. He bit his bottom lip and called himself a fool that he had not taken better care of his environment when he had entered the room.

“Well, what should I do?”, he asked in an apathetic tone and put away his handkerchief, which he got back from Petra. “I’m open for any suggestion.”

“Oh”, laughed Marie, whose anger slowly started to pass. “I would have the most appealing idea, don’t you agree with me, Miss Ral?”

She gave her companion a meaningful look, whereas the lady only blushed even more. Impatiently, Levi furrowed his brows.

“Will you inform me about your plans or shall I die unknowingly, Miss Dawk?”

“Well”, she began, “due to some unpleasant coincidences nobody we know has offered us a dance for about three tunes now. For me, as a married woman, this is certainly nothing to be sad about, yet for Miss Ral-”

Against her will she grabbed Petra on her shoulders and pushed her between herself and Levi. For a moment their eyes met in the dim candle light.

“What a pity”, Levi muttered and thereby cut Marie’s speech. One last time he looked over the crowds but could not see Erwin anywhere. He took a deep breath. In the background the music fell silent. Somebody announced a waltz. 

“Do you waltz, Miss Ral?”, he asked and received a shy nod.

“Only a little, though”, she replied mischievously. “I’m not very familiar with these modern dances.”

Levi offered her his hand. 

“Well”, he asked, “would you be so kind to offer me the next dance?”

She first looked at his hand, then him, then started to smile. She grabbed his hand without hesitation and went over to the dance floor with him. Seconds later the music started. The couples started to move. 

The unfamiliar closeness to a man she had only  known for such a short time strengthened the red on her cheeks. And Levi as well avoided to look at her directly. They danced like this for a while, until Petra found the strength to address him. 

“You dance quite well”, she said with a shy smile, but Levi only snorted in an amused manner. 

“Thank you”, he smirked. “Commander Smith has taught me himself once.”

Suddenly her laughter sounded in his ears. 

“Commander Smith?”, she asked unbelievingly and the physician nodded. 

“Yes”, he kept talking, “he wanted to prevent me from being seen as a horrible dancer amongst the ladies.”

“You will hardly have been that horrible, Sir. Commander Smith himself is not the most gallant dancer on the floor.”

Thinking back to their dance at the water fountain, a nostalgic smile showed on his lips.

“He said that he had never seen somebody waltz in such a stiff way”, he whispered. 

The lady shook her head in disbelief and remained silent for a while. When she continued talking, her words went right through him. 

“You must have been very close once”, she said, causing Levi’s stomach to turn into a knot. “I wonder what could have happened between you two back then.”

“This and that”, he muttered tonelessly. She was so close to him that he could smell her perfume. With every second this dance lasted she let himself sink against him more and more. “His sudden departure  this summer has branded me a fool. I found myself unable to forgive him.”

“Have you already talked to him tonight? After the letter he had given to you-”

“No, I haven’t.” Levi fell silent for a moment and sighed. “It’s not like I haven’t tried to approach him, though. What you said to me yesterday  has led me to the decision that I shall give him another chance to make himself and his motives clear.”

“So you want to reconcile with him?”

“Yes.” His voice sounded heavy of longing. Silently he bit his bottom lip. “Yet whenever I was about to address him I was held up by something - or someone.”

“By me as well, I suppose?”, she asked and could not refrain from smirking. 

“By you as well, yes. And now I have lost sight of him again.” He shook his head. “That man is a major annoyance to me tonight. Whenever I could free myself he had already disappeared again.”

“Maybe he was searching for you as well and is consequently overlooking you. Small people are hard to find in such crowds.” She laughed. “When it comes to this we are quite equal.”

“That may be so”, Levi mumbled and fell silent. From time to time he looked around, but could not find the man he was looking for. 

“I think I know where you can find Commander Smith”, Petra suddenly said after a few seconds of silent dancing. Levi raised his brows and for the first time in the entire dance he looked directly at her.

“Where?”

“I saw him together with Mr. Dawk, Miss Zoe and Lieutenant Zacharias, only seconds before you ran into me.”

“So by now he sure is at the other side of this estate, Miss Ral”, Levi growled in a resigned manner and looked away. It was of no use. In a few minutes only they would open the buffet and he would have lost his opportunity to talk to him in private for a few minutes. 

The dance ended. He led Petra away from the dance floor and suddenly discovered Hange, who approached them with both arms waving heavily. Mike followed her smiling, cutting a path through the crowds with his massive body. Nile and Erwin were missing. 

“Levi~!”, she shouted over the crowd. It was obvious that she was not sober anymore. Apart from that she was in a merry mood. When she stopped next to him, she gave him a friendly smack on the back, causing him to range slightly back and forth. 

“I hope you’re not angry with us for we have left you alone in order to dance?”, she smiled. “I have searched for you everywhere, but to find you amongst so many people is almost impossible.  Are you  having a nice evening so far?”

“Yes”, Levi refrained from telling her the truth, since he was not in the mood to have a lively discussion over the development of tonight’s ball.

“I have inquired Erwin after you”, she kept on ranting, “but he said he has not met you tonight. Didn’t you want to talk to him earlier?”

Levi’s eyes widened. He stepped closer.

“You have talked to him?”, he burst out. “When? Where?!”

Honest surprise showed on her face. She exchanged a meaningful look with Mike, who, in contrary to Levi, appeared to be absolutely relaxed. 

“When has he left us, Mike?”, she asked the giant. 

“Only a few seconds ago”, he answered and folded his arms in front of his chest. “Do you want me to lead you to him, Dr. Ackerman?”

“Yes.” Levi nodded heavily. “I’ve been looking for him the entire evening.”

“The view from your position must be rather limited, huh?”, the lieutenant said and smirked over his own joke.

“Very funny, Lieutenant Zacharias.”

“Oh, be unconcerned, Dr. Ackerman.” The man took two glasses from a passing servant and gave one to Levi. The physician silently looked at it, trying to recall how much he had drunken so far tonight. He could not remember. “Come with me”, said Mike, “I’ll bring you to him.”

They nodded at Hange, then left the ballroom. Amazed by Mike’s sheer size the people stepped back and let them pass, so that Levi had only to follow the path Mike left behind. After one minute Mike suddenly stopped and turned at him. 

“There certainly will be a lot of things you need to discuss with Commander Smith”, he began, “and I don’t want to make Miss Zoe wait for too long. Therefore I would like to return, if you don’t mind. Commander Smith is standing over there.”

He pointed with a short nod in one of the room´s corners. Levi followed his gesture with his eyes and solidified for a moment, when he saw Erwin standing alone between all those people. Standing with his back against the wall he silently watched his guests. Visibly relieved, Levi smiled an honest smile for the first time on that evening. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant Zacharias”, he said and exchanged a volatile look with the other, “I owe you something.”

“I will remind you about that, doctor”, Mike answered with a smile and turned to go. Levi  watched him leave , until he had disappeared around a corner. He then straightened up, checked the fit of his clothes for one last time, let his fingers run through his hair and took a deep breath. This one time he would not be stopped. Slowly he approached him. With every step he made his heart started to beat faster. Erwin, whose eyes silently slid over the people, did not discover Levi right away. But when their gazes finally met, a thin smile appeared on both their faces, and an endless lightness suddenly filled Levi’s heart. He stopped next to the commander and leaned his back against the wall. For a moment nobody said a word. They remained like this and without knowing why, Levi felt as if they had never been separated at all.

“You said that you had wished to contact me, but that some circumstances prevented you from doing so”, Levi eventually broke the silence and looked over to Erwin from the corners of his eyes. “Well, I have thought about it. I don’t understand what made you act like this, but you will most likely have had your reasons.”

They looked at each other, and Erwin’s eyes started to shimmer in the twilight. He turned towards Levi and stepped closer to him. He raised his brows, eyeing the physician from head to toe.

“Do you want to say that-”

“Yes”, Levi interrupted him, “this one time I will connive your impertinent behaviour.”

These few words were enough to rebuilt the old intimacy between them, just like it used to happen when two people got over their conflicts. Filled with a sincere warmth Erwin’s eyes rested on him, his face showing nothing but silent gratitude that Levi finally addressed him again. The physician folded his arms and leaned back. 

“You will never believe what I had to go through in order to find you”, he muttered and watched the passing people. “Apart from the amounts of alcohol I was forced to drink in the meanwhile.”

They exchanged a gaze and started to grin. 

“So?”, Erwin asked in a mocking tone. 

“Yes. You were always exactly where I wasn’t. I think during this evening I have met all the people I did not want to meet and apart from that even more.”

The commander started to laugh, open and sincere, like back then in the forest and Levi could not help himself but to smile silently when he noticed this. They looked at each other until Levi’s cheeks started to itch. 

“I am so glad you came to London, Levi”, Erwin eventually said in a low voice and so earnest that Levi could not doubt the honesty of his words. “I missed talking to you.” The smile on his lips increased. “And also your refreshing frankness.”

“Thank Hange and Eren. They have set up quite a trap in order to get me to London.”

Erwin snorted in an amused manner and Levi did the same.

“That’s just like her”, Erwin said. After that they fell silent. There were no further words necessary to express the bond that connected them. 

“Do you miss the countryside?”, Levi asked in the end.

“The hunt and the fresh air, certainly”, the soldier answered with a volatile nod. “But my duties kept me so busy here that there was no I way I could have allowed myself to spend my time like this.”

Without loosening his gaze from the surrounding people, he approached Levi until their shoulders touched. Levi lowered his gaze. A certain red showed on his cheeks. “How about you?”, Erwin went on, letting his gaze wander over Levi’s faze from time to time. “Do you like it here in London?”

“It’s not as bad as I had expected it to be. Even though I shall be glad once I can return to Brighthampton.” Levi took a sip. “We visited Oxford, since Eren is about to start his university studies there from next year.”

“Oxford?” Erwin nodded approvingly. When his lips formed the word a certain nostalgia could be heard in his voice. “It’s certainly a good feeling to see that the own offspring made it so far.”

“He’s not my son”, replied Levi who had valued this small difference ever since. “But yes, it is.”

He leaned against Erwin’s shoulder and silently looked at his glass. Maybe it was better to take it a little easier from now on, since his thoughts and limbs felt already heavy from the amount of alcohol he had  onsumed . “He will take over my business when I’m old and grey”, he went on.

“He’s a good boy”, Erwin replied.

“He’s the best decision I’ve ever made.”

A reluctant smile appeared on Levi’s lips, who placed the glass in a recess. Yes, he had been benefiting from listening to Hange’s words back then. The boy was like a son  to him. 

“The alcohol makes you sentimental”, smirked Erwin and Levi did the same.

“I’m taking you as an example, that’s all.”

It was a good feeling to be in his company again. Now, where they stood so close next to each other, chatting casually and secretly breaking away from the others, Levi suddenly understood what he had been longing for so much during the past months.

The soldier gave a short look over his shoulder, as if he wanted to make sure that nobody was watching them, then raised his hand and gently shifted some strands of hair behind Levi’s ear. His fingertips left a warm feeling on Levi’s skin. 

“If you only knew what I am longing to do with you now”, he mumbled and Levi raised his brows in a patronizing manner. 

“Well, that’s nothing I should not be able to find out”, he whispered. Both snorted in amusement, unable to loosen their gazes from each other. And while they stood there like this, exchanging look after look, slowly, bit by bit, the smile disappeared from Erwin’s face. 

“Did you read my letter, Levi?”, he finally asked. 

“Yes, I did”, Levi replied. The soldier nodded.

“Well, there is something you need to know. Please believe me if I assure you that a letter would not have been the appropriate choice of telling you.”

“What is it, Erwin?”, Levi asked and felt a certain uneasiness over the urgency that filled Erwin’s voice. 

“Please”, Erwin replied, “let’s go somewhere else.”

All of a sudden he appeared so severe that it was almost scary. The soldier hesitated, as if he was looking for the right words to express his thoughts, then opened his mouth. But before he could say one further word, a voice sounded right behind them.

“Is this the physician from Brighthampton of whom I have heard so much already? He truly equals your descriptions, Commander Smith.”

Levi raised his head and looked over to where the voice came from. The young lady that had been accompanying Erwin for the whole evening approached them. In her hands she held two glasses, of which she handed one over to Erwin. Without saying a word, Levi looked at the lady. Now, where he stood right next to her, he had to admit that she was of timeless beauty. The  jewellery that she was wearing must have been worth a multiple of what he earned in a year and her dress testified his first impression. Whenever the light of the candles struck her decoration she sparkled like a diamond. But even though she looked so beautiful that it could easily blind a careless gentleman, there was a certain coldness inhering every of her gestures, something Levi had not seen on any of the Smith family members. He did not know what it was, but she was unsympathetic to him from the beginning. She was lacking the gentle friendliness he had always appreciated  in Erwin and Nanaba. 

“And you are certainly one of Commander Smith’s sisters?”, Levi replied snappily and narrowed his eyes, since everything he gained in return was an amused laughter.

“Sister?”, she said toward Erwin and raised her hand to wipe away Levi’s suggestion. “Can you believe this? He thinks I am your sister.”

A strange feeling filled the physician’s chest all of a sudden, who was by now certain that he could not stand that lady. Searching for help he looked over to Erwin, whose facial expression had completely changed to Levi’s dismay. The warmth that he had shown towards Levi only seconds before had been replaced by the well known, mask like expression that Erwin used to wear whenever he tried to hide his true feelings. Carefully Levi watched the lady, who now stepped closer to the blonde soldier. Then, suddenly, it struck him.

Her eyes were of brown colour.

“Don’t you want to introduce us to each other, Commander Smith?”, the lady proceeded. For a sheer endlessly long moment nobody said a word. His eyes widened, the lips slightly opened, Levi stared at Erwin. When he finally raised to speak to grant her this wish, his eyes asked Levi for forgiveness. 

“Miss Wedgewood”, he began tonelessly, “may I introduce to you my dear friend and confidante Dr. Levi Ackerman from Brighthampton? Dr. Ackerman, this is Miss Alice Wedgewood.” He hesitated. “My fiancé.”

It was as if someone had stopped the time. Everything Levi could sense was the blood rushing through his veins. Once more he eyed the lady from head to toe and called himself a fool in secret. Brown eyes - it had been so obvious.

He took a deep breath and tried to keep his countenance. There was no rational reason to be upset. Smith was a handsome single man of large fortune. More than that. And single men with a large fortune must be in want of a wife - wasn’t that what people said? They married, whether they liked it or not. And still it hurt him more than he could bear to know that this woman would be closer to him than Levi could ever be. She was the one who would share a bed with him. The one whom Erwin would have children with. The person he would settle down with. It was a small bit of information yet it changed everything. 

Within split seconds all the wishes and hopes he had carried within his heart during the past months burst into thousands of pieces. Why hadn’t Erwin told him in advance? An engagement was nothing that just happened all of a sudden. He must have had this in mind in Brighthampton already. 

Levi looked over to Erwin and their eyes met in the dim light of the candles. A certain melancholy had appeared in Erwin’s gaze, making him look sad and broken. When Levi opened his mouth for the next time, it  cost him all his strength in order to suppress the trembling that had taken over his voice. He was hurt. Moreover, he was angry.

“So this was the so urgent family business you needed to take care of before you return to Spain?”

“So to speak”, Erwin muttered in such a low voice that Levi could hardly understand him.

“So you  _ are  _ a traitor after all”, Levi whispered, causing Erwin to open his mouth in order to defend himself, but once the lady touched his shoulder he fell silent. He only gave her a volatile look. His attention fully rested on Levi. 

“My dear gentlemen”, she proceeded and her skinny fingers clenched tighter around the glass she was holding. “Why are you pulling such wry faces?”

He could not stand the sound of her voice. Levi bit his bottom lip and turned away. Seeing those two standing next to each other was more than he could take in this condition.

“Excuse me”, he began, “but I need to get some fresh air. I drank too much.”

He did not wait for an answer. He turned around and headed towards the door, through which he had arrived at the ball only hours prior. He saw the faces of the surrounding guests yet he did not see them at all. In his ears roared the music from the ballroom and the chamber orchestra. He smelled the scent of punch and perfume. With every step these impressions struck him harder until he felt like his head was about to explode. 

Suddenly somebody grabbed him  by the shoulders and held him tight. It was Petra. She stood right in front of him. Unhidden sorrow was written all over her face.

“Dr. Ackerman”, she said, and their eyes met in the darkness. He did not let her talk, broke out from her grip, passed her and had disappeared to the court only split seconds later. 

 

_ (stop the soundtrack here) _

 

He did not know where to go. For a minute he stood  motionless on the veranda, until his steps led him downstairs to the roundabout,  where countless carriages waited for their owners to return. When he finally stopped he had reached the open connection corridor that linked the main and the side building. He was breathing heavily, while his heart  tried to break free from his chest. Helplessly he reached for his cravat and loosened it with heavy movements.

Once more a stinging pain filled his chest, like back then, when Erwin had left Brighthampton. On this day he had almost lost his mind until, after long weeks of longing and suffering, he had found some fragile peace of mind. 

Struggling for air he put his head into his neck and looked up to the star covered sky. Only a few, moonlit clouds could be seen and a sea of stars exceeded in front of him. For a moment Levi looked at them, like back then when he had to flee from the Middleton sisters on the first ball at Stenton Park, before his eyes filled with tears. He was too proud to cry over this man. Hoping to ease his pain he closed his eyes for a moment when the sound of steps occurred behind him. He could recognize him from his sound of walking alone. Levi raised his hand, roughly rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. He would not let him know. 

“Levi.”

The physician did not move. 

“What do you want?”, he snarled without turning around. 

“Let me explain.”

But Levi was not willed to have that kind of conversation. He was to stirred up to get a clear thought. Without any further word he turned around and disappeared behind the connection corridor’s pillars. The steps behind him sped up. 

“Go back inside”, he spit at the commander. “Your fiancé will certainly not be pleased if she finds you here with me instead inside with her.”

It was the moment when Erwin had finally caught up with him. Together they went down the corridor. The soldier’s expression was sincere, but urgent.

“I would have told you, but-”

“But what?!” Levi whirled around and glared in hostility through the darkness. “Couldn’t you find the right moment to make yourself clear?”

His steps sounded back from the pillars. He wanted to get rid of Erwin, but he knew that this man would not let him go before he had talked this through.

“After Miss Ral’s fainting I could not get hold of you again.”

“It was too late anyway. It’s not like you didn’t know back then at Stenton Park”, Levi went on, who did not want to listen. “What on earth is wrong with you that you cannot overt your motives to me?! You expected me to trust you, but you never even showed the slightest sign of trust towards me.”

“Back then it was everything but certain, Levi”, Erwin kept talking at him. “Why should I upset you if there is still such a high chance that this opportunity will prove itself null and void afterwards?”

“What does that change anyway?”, Levi muttered in bitterness. They had reached the end of the corridor and stopped in front of a huge wooden door. A questioning expression showed on the commander’s face. 

“What do you mean?”, he whispered. 

“It doesn’t make any difference!”, it burst out of Levi, harder than intentioned. He was drunk and the fresh air did not help at all. “From the first moment on I knew you would mean nothing but trouble, Erwin Smith. And I should not be mistaken. I can’t even say why I’m standing here in front of you and reproach you, since we are men, we both are men! I have no right and no reason to be angry about your engagement  besides the fact that you once more cheated on me. And not even this is something that I can accuse you of.”

Levi did a few steps and stopped between two pillars. His fingers gently slid over the beige stone, but he did not notice it at all. He felt so unbearable stupid to have maneuvered himself in such a horrible situation with open eyes. He should have known better. Emotions offered nothing but trouble. 

His eyes pierced the commander when he continued his speech, fuelling his anger with every word that left his lips.

“I ask you one thing: Why have you forced yourself into my life, knowing that it would be for nothing in the end anyway? My life was perfect before I met you. There was not much I cared about and I was confident about that.” He stopped for a moment, searching for the right words. “Then you arrived at Stenton Park - and suddenly something was missing whenever I was alone with myself. All my thoughts I wasted on the senseless wish of being with you.”

He turned away, wanted to leave, wanted to go away from him, but Erwin blocked his way. He appeared upset over Levi’s words. His voice as well was trembling. 

“You asked me why I did this?!”, he cried out as if he could not believe that Levi could not understand him. “Are you still thinking in these old fashioned patterns of me? Do you honestly think that I acted this way in order to cause you harm? Do you really consider me to be so cold and calculating?!”

“It’s not me who left!”, Levi hissed through the darkness. His eyes sparkled in a mixture of pain and aggressiveness. The street had taught him act offensive if he felt threatened in order to survive. “It’s not  me who has lost sight of his own fortune in order to fulfill his duty!” The physician dismissively clicked his tongue. “I hope this lady will find herself able to deal with a gambler like you. Someone who’s holding nothing sacred, who-”

He talked himself into rage. Those were the pent-up emotions of the past weeks, which now searched their way, breaking out of him so heavily that he could do nothing about it. As if Erwin had lost his temper he suddenly hurried towards him and grabbed his upper arms. Under most desperate resistance he dragged him to the next corner and pressed Levi against the wall. He then reached for the physician’s face, not willed to offer him even the slightest chance to escape, forcing a kiss onto him that finally broke Levi’s aversion. Without hesitating he replied the kiss. His hands, who had formerly tried to push the other away, now desperately clenched the red uniform fabric and pulled Erwin closer. They remained like this for a while, two drowning people who could not let go of each other while knowing that exactly this would be the best for them. It was Erwin who raised his voice and who was standing so close to Levi that he could still feel the commander’s breath on his lips. 

“You don’t see what I needed to risk so I could be close to you”, he whispered. Gently he leaned his forehead against Levi’s. His hands still held Levi’s face, but the gentle force he had used on him had disappeared. “I love you. I love you from the bottom of my heart, Levi. If you’d be a woman, I would long have proposed to you. We both know that this is not possible. There is no future for us. Not here, not now. And I must do what is the best for my family.”

A trembling took over Levi’s body, who in the end let his head sink. Seconds later tears ran over his cheeks while Erwin’s finger gently wiped them away. Silently Levi bit his bottom lip. He hated himself for showing this weakness in front of the other; but he felt so hurt and wounded.

“Is this what you really want?”, Levi finally asked tonelessly. Erwin sighed. A bitter smile appeared on the soldier’s lips. 

“I’m not such a free man as you  are ”, he whispered a choked voice. His words cut through him like a knife. The trembling strengthened. They stayed like this in absolute silence, until Levi could not take it any longer. 

“Let me go.”

He believed to see desperation lit up in Erwin’s eyes.

“Levi”, he whispered, “I  _ had _ to do it.”

Suddenly the physician noticed the foreign fingers on his face and lost his temper. He grabbed Erwin on the collar with both hands and roughly pushed him away from him.

“You shall let me go I said!”

The commander stumbled back. Inflamed with rage Levi looked at him.

“You made your decision. And where you go there is no need for scum like me.” Unhidden contempt showed in his voice. “So do me a favour and  leave me alone , god damn it, before I make you.”

Erwin looked as if he was about to step closer and opened his mouth, but Levi would not let him talk. He did not want to know, see, feel. He just wanted him to disappear. 

“Go!”, he hissed and his voice broke. “Go to hell Erwin Smith, for from now on my doors will be locked for you.”

The soldier hesitated and sudden understanding showed on his face. Levi was right. If he wanted to walk this path he needed to walk it alone. He looked at the physician in the most resigned manner, unable to move. Both were out of breath. Both appeared as if they had gotten involved into a fight. Hair and clothes were a mess. Eventually Erwin lowered his gaze. 

“If this is what you wish for”, he muttered and turned around. One last time he hesitated, then turned around and walked away towards the main building. And while Levi possessed the freedom to lose his temper, Erwin was doomed to act the perfect host for the rest of the night. Silently Levi stared after him, until he could not see him any longer in the darkness, then, after all these months, he allowed himself to be washed away by his feelings for one single time. Before he knew hit his fist hit the pillar several times until the tears he had fought to hold back broke lose. Five minutes he stayed like this until he had gained back his self-mastery. Exhausted and sad he remained in the shadows of the pillars and looked over to the carriages, which, some private, some public, waited in front of entrance. He then looked over to the main building, suddenly feeling unbearably tired. Nothing in this world would make him go back to this place.

One more time he glanced over to the carriages and had suddenly made up his mind. 

When he boarded the vehicle, he flipped a silver coin at the coachmen before he leaned back against the leather cushioned backrest. It was a cosy, heavy coachman who was sitting on his coach box, hidden underneath several layers of warming fabric. His rusty voice could easily be heard even inside the vehicle cabin. 

“Where you wanna go, Sir?”

“To the East End”, Levi answered with a matte voice and closed his eyes. “Drive me to the East End.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter had 60 pages, so you will excuse if my list of favourite moments will be a little longer than usual:
> 
> 1\. “Fine”, he said to himself. “I shall forgive you.”  
> A surprised gasp sounded in he the background. It was Eren. By now he had put on his shoes, went over to the side table and was pouring himself something to drink. With furrowed brows he looked over to his foster father.  
> “Why should you forgive me, Sir?”, he asked with an a surprised smile. “It's not like I did anything, right? Oh-!”
> 
> \- this NEVER fails to make me laugh. 
> 
> 2\. How impressed Levi is when he gets out of the carriage and finally realises HOW wealthy Erwin REALLY is. Oh, by the way, the entrance hall was inspired by the entrance hall of the estate of Clandon Park in England, and you must promise me to have a look at this:  
> http://ichef-1.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/67DA/production/_87768562_marble_hall3.jpg  
> http://www.arthistorynews.com/i/entries/Marble%20Hall.JPG  
> Isn't this the most beautiful place on earth? I can totally see Erwin in this. 
> 
> 3\. How Hange interrupts Levi when they greet the Smiths, being the cause for his odyssey afterwards. 
> 
> 4\. How everbody just consequently keeps ignoring the fact that Levi is in a hurry. That poor man has to act according to the social rules there, so no running away and staying sober for him.
> 
> 5\. Nile's ignorance.
> 
> 6\. All the conversations between Hange and Levi tbh. She is filled with enthusiasm and he is just not interested at all. 
> 
> 7\. Levi took one of the glasses, emptied it in one gulp and placed it back, causing the servant, who tried to keep a mask of apathy, to rapidly walk away.  
> \- that poor servant has probably never seen such horrible manners in his entire life. 
> 
> 8\. "I can go and get you another glass later, there is no need for binge… drinking…”  
> \- I can totally hear Eren's voice fading here. Also I LOVE it that this is the point where Levi starts giving a shit about politeness and starts to speak cockney. Poor Eren is so shocked. He doesn't get his foster father at all anymore. 
> 
> 9\. All the jokes about Levi's size. Actually, the whole chapter is one joke about his size. But the main prize of course goes to Lieutenant Zacharias. 
> 
> 10\. The fight outside. But that goes without saying. 
> 
> So yeah, both managed it to ruin it perfectly well. Erwin with his neverending secrets and the fact that he always keeps his motives to himself. Levi, who reacted more impulsive due to the fact he was drunk. I'm really not jealous of Erwin, that man has to wear a mask tonight. 
> 
> When I first read this chapter to friends of mine a few started crying. So maybe I should just leave some tissues here? If you want to distract yourself, read the arrival at the ball once more accompanied by this lovely song here and imagine Erwin and Mike wearing swag glasses and being suggar daddies:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZgjmE6xdaw  
> (part of the Lend me your Summer Crack series that I should write but probably never will). 
> 
> Testprints of Mephistopheles have been ordered and I'm super curious. Also I'm working on some Nazi AU oneshot I want to print within the end of the year at last. 
> 
> Oh, and I also updated Dr. Ackerman's tumblr blog! 
> 
> Running out of characters here, so I finish now.  
> Love you guys! See you in 2 weeks!


	19. Back to the East End

 

_(please skip the first track)_

 

~*~

 

He had been left out not far away from the docks and even though the night was almost over there were still plenty of people filling the roads of the slums in which Levi had grown up. He, who was now dressed in silk fabrics and leather monks, who was strolling around in white tie and finest gloves, certainly stuck out. But glaring looks and hostile comments were something he knew from the upper class as well and therefore all the jealousy rebounded from him. It was as if he did not even notice. And even though he had not visited this place for decades, he could not get rid of the tender familiarity that filled his chest once he had left the carriage. Deep inside he was still the guttersnipe from back then – somebody, who knew how to put up a fight if someone approached him against his will. Like Petra had remarked during Nile’s dinner – the piercing stare that testified that someone was always expecting the worst to happen and which was owned by those who had to fight for their right to live on this planet – it would never go away.

One deep breath in this godforsaken place had been enough to bring all these images back into his mind, images Levi had long believed forgotten. Here, in the heart of the working class quarters, which had been built up in such a tight way that even during broad day no light would reach the surface of the streets, the air seemed to differ from the noble areas on the western side of London. Everything that was blown into the sky by factories, stoves and chimneys ended up here – thanks to the western winds. Levi noticed the biting stink of the local textile manufactures the smell of bleaching chemistries and tanned leather, the scent of the ships’ tar and the workshops’ oil. Furthermore and above all the sweat of hard-working men, the aroma of spilled ale and old cigarette smoke which filled Levi’s nose whenever somebody crossed his path. Furthermore the foreign, exotic spices of the migrants who used to cook meals in their little quarters that Levi could not even name. And,lastly, the sweet note of ammonium, caused by human faeces, that had been, due to the lack of other options, carelessly spilled on the streets. It was hard to believe that both East and West End belonged to the same city. This was a part of London that Erwin certainly had never faced himself.

For one last time Levi looked back to the carriage and gave the coachman a short nod before the old man turned around and disappeared in the dim light of the surrounding lanterns. He left Levi alone in an area which was foreign and familiar to him at once. Silently he examined the area, then started to wander around, not knowing where his steps would take him. Why he had returned to this place especially was something he could not explain himself. And even though he did not want to admit it he felt not as strange around here as he had expected it after all these years. It was rather, at least it appeared to him this way, that this place allowed him to act more natural, to show his true self, something that he had to hide in front of those gentlemen in whose society he had lived during the past weeks.

The dirt that covered the streets muted his steps, taking away the polished shimmer from his leather shoes before too long. But tonight he, who usually was very fond of cleanliness, did not pay any attention to the dirt at all. Tonight he did not care. He wanted to forget what had happened in the shadows of the moon lit corridor, even if it was only for a few hours. He was a misery tourist of the high society, who, at least he hoped so, could find some comfort in the fact that those people around here suffered even more than he did. It was his last desperate attempt to find support and consolation in this night.

The hands hidden in his pockets he strolled through the streets, passing simple brick industrial buildings and grey, shabby residential buildings. He did not miss the broken windows, the crumbling finery, sprouting plants that resided the holes in the walls. Here and there he passed drunken men who were bigger and probably even stronger than him, probably dock workers and good-for-nothings whose bodies were covered by dirty, worn out clothes. Levi avoided direct eye contact and he knew why.

He passed harlots and prostitutes who called after him whatever their imagination came up with, since his outfit promised the deal of their lifetime. He did not even look at them when he passed them. He would never consider it an option to gamble away his money like this.

A few minutes later he entered a side street and stopped. It was a slim alley, so narrow that it would not be illuminated enough to feel safe even during broad day. One ruinous building followed the other. Most of the houses had not more than two floors. The air was stale and musty. Not a single lantern enlightened this place. It was a corner where someone could be robbed and stabbed without anyone noticing, a place that every sane man would have avoided for a good reason – and still Levi proceeded after a few seconds of hesitation, as if he had nothing to lose. With every step he immersed into the darkness his heart beat faster and his eyes, which kept wandering around, greedy for light, widened. Could it be?, he thought and suddenly a certain excitement reached out for him. Considering the house’s grade of disrepair it was most unlikely and still there was something that stuck to everything around here, something that appeared strangely familiar to him. He went down the alley with progressively rapid movements, by dirty rascals and rogues who bordered his way, looking at him in agony, at him, who was so out of place in his fine evening garments.

And even though every fibre of his body was longing for the light of a lantern, his feet blindly found their way. A few hundred yards later he suddenly stopped when his gaze finally struck what he had been looking for. For a moment he held his breath. With widened eyes and a blank face he stared at a crooked, two-storied building that reached out in the night sky, awry and old. Structurally identical it fit in into a bunch of equally crooked buildings. It was built from dark red bricks, the repetitiveness broken by tiny, matte windows, here and there illuminated by a single candle. In the frame of a stonewalled testimony in which he could see the opened entrance door, there was a huge hole. It had always been there. The house he was standing in front of was the house in which his childhood had ended.

He discovered a bunch of miserable looking creatures on the stairs that led to the entrance. Those men’s tailcoats covered starving bodies, given to them by rich gentlemen who could afford new clothes anytime. Crumpled and worn out cylinders covered heads with unwashed, greasy hair. Between them children of every age, with snotty noses, who, their slender limbs reaching into the air, ran up and down shouting, ignored by the surrounding adults. As different as they may have appeared, they had something in common that made Levi shiver. Each of them had this gaze that testified to Levi that nothing on this earth could frighten or scare them anymore. They had seen everything. Every possible misery in this world.

This is what people see when they look me in the eyes, Levi could not help himself from thinking, silently clenching his hands into fists. He took a deep breath and then passed through the people, following an inner impulse and entered the house. Since he had moved away to Brighthampton he had not returned to this place; more than twenty-five years.

A huge, grumpy man tried to block his way, but one single glare of Levi was enough to make him back off. Even though the physician was wearing the garments of a gentleman, every of his movements gave a foretaste of what would happen if someone got into his way. He was still one of them. He had always been and would always be.

Once Levi had entered the staircase the scent of moist tapestry and mould increased. He noticed the smell of urine and pulled a wry face, took out a handkerchief from his waist pocket and covered nose and mouth. He had been unaware of this stink when he had been a child.

He let his gaze wander around, reluctantly providing himself an overview, before he proceeded. The walls had once been covered with dark green tapestry – Levi could still remember the fresh colour – but nothing had remained but a few shreds, hanging loosely from the walls. Cracks and dark stains indicated the moisture that dominated the fundament and that would ruin the health of everyone living here before too long.

Silently he approached the stairs and had soon reached the first floor. Sitting on the last step there was a boy, not older than five years. He was wearing a worn out beige linen shirt that once must have been white, but had been yellowed beyond recognition. Slender arms held a piece of cloth with a knot, some primitive sort of a doll. Without saying a word Levi looked at the child, whose thumb stuck motionlessly in his little mouth. Only when Levi had not moved for a while, the heart shaped face turned to his direction. Their eyes met in the dim light and Levi shivered. Black, shoulder long hair hid a pair of steel grey eyes. The skin covered the body so tightly that Levi could count every bone. For a moment they stared at each other, before Levi finally gained back his self control and turned away. His heart kept beating wildly in his chest when he passed the floor from which one could access the small apartments. Tiny rooms, rented to different parties. At the end of the hallway he stopped, turned to the left and looked at the dark brown door which appeared right in front of him. It had not even been closed properly.

The physician furrowed his brows, unsure how to deal with this before he looked over his shoulder to make sure that nobody was watching him. He then carefully pressed the door open with his finger tips.

Holding his breath he gazed inside and sighed in the most relieved manner when he could be certain that nobody else was in that room. Once more he looked over to the stairs, then slid inside and closed the door behind him. He knew that they would beat him to death if they caught him here, or lock him up in some rusty old cell, but this one time he it was worth the risk.

It was a tiny chamber where his steps had led him to, old and dirty like everything around here. One single candle stood on the windowsill and provided the necessary light. The walls had been painted dark red, but the colour had darkened with the years, giving everything a depressing, heavy atmosphere. A few plain pieces of furniture could be seen, all of them so worn out that Levi could impossibly tell their age. He discovered a small coal stove that had already been there when he had lived here and sighed. It was the room from back then. There was no doubt about that.

Underneath the pitch of the roof that was located on the opposite side of the room there was a slim, short bed. The frame had been changed, but the place had remained the same. Levi stepped into the middle of the room and kneeled down in front of it. Silently he reached out his hand, letting his fingertips gently slide over the surface of the down duvet. His heart felt heavy. He lowered his gaze, his hand still resting on the soft fabric.

This was the place where his mother had died.

He carefully watched the bed, could see her still lying there in front of his inner eye, himself kneeling in front of the bottom end, just like now, holding her hand, too young to realise what had happened. To naive to understand the mess his life had become, now, where he was all alone in this hostile and cruel world.

He had never thought that he would return to this place once more. And like back then the boy in his heart desperately wished he could find her in this bed, the one person who had provided him protection within her arms, who had comforted him when he had been sad – the woman who had given him a home, a name, his life. The pain about this loss would probably never fade completely.

Behind him he heard the sound of the clicking door lock. The physician jerked and whirled around, when someone already had grabbed his upper arm, pulling him roughly back on his feet. It was a man about fifty years of age, with a slim, long face and mean eyes, whose chin beard tried to hide his hollow features, but failed. A hat covered slicked back, black hair. His collar was a mess, only halfway covered by his unbuttoned west and a dark, worn out tailcoat.

“Oi!”, the man shouted at him, who, as Levi noticed in surprise, did not appear like someone who earned his money with the loading of ships. He grabbed Levi, who had struggled back on his feet, by his collar and pressed him against the next wall. Blue grey eyes angrily sparkled in the darkness. In unhidden hostility Levi stared back. “What’s a snobbish prick like ya doing ‘ere?”, the stranger growled and thereby stood so close to Levi that he could smell the other man’s breath in disgust.

“That ain’t none of ya business, mate”, Levi replied. The other raised his brows in a mixture of surprise and abhorrence. Certainly it did not happen often that a fine gentleman answered in the accent that was used around the docks. Levi took use of this moment of surprise to free himself out of the man’s grip. It filled him with disgust to be touched like this against his will. Not loosening his eyes from that man Levi approached the door.

“That’s a slump!”, the other shouted. “I should grab ya under me arms and drop ya at the constable’s flowery dell, you bloody son of a bitch.”

“Come at me and try if you dare”, Levi hissed. There was no confrontation that could scare him tonight. “Ya’ll see what ya’ll get.”

“Get ya ass outta ‘ere.” The man followed him to the door and grabbed his neck. “That’s me flat, go and get your own.”

With a jerk he pushed Levi out in the hallway, but the physician was faster. He broke away from him, reaching for the other man’s collar before he could say even one more word. With the strength of despair he pressed the man who was closer than him against the door frame.

“Be unconcerned”, Levi hissed, who now let the stranger go and whirled around in fury. “I ain’t got no time to fight about that rat hole of yours.”

“You better won’t!”, the other growled and slammed the door in front of Levi. “And there better won’t be anything missin’”, it sounded from inside.

The physician refrained from answering, even though he was certain that he could win against that guy – but he actually was right. He had become a stranger to this place. This place was not his home anymore. And the chamber he had accessed now was the chamber of someone else.

He left the house, passing the child, over the stairs. When he stepped back on the street the moldy air that filled his lungs appeared comforting compared to the air he was forced to breathe back inside. Without even glancing at the other men and women he proceeded on his path until he had reached a tiny alehouse which was still open. It had not been here back in his days – or he could not remember. Levi had barely reached his hand out for the door knob when the door was pushed open and two remarkably tall men staggered outside. While the left one had short, dishevelled blonde hair, the one to his right had slightly longer black hair that kept shifting into his face. Both their cheeks were shimmering in a drunken red.

“And if I tell ya”, the blonde one spoke with a slur, supporting himself on his friend. “I shall recognise a titan if I see one.”

With raised brows Levi let the two men pass, then entered the pub himself. Due to the long carriage ride and the fresh air his drunkenness had faded by now – but thinking of all the things that had happened tonight Levi was willed to change this with whatever they served here.

It was a small alehouse with not even ten tables. One gaze was enough to know that it would not provide Levi’s ideal of cleanliness, but for sure this would be the tidiest place he would be able to find tonight. Here and there he noticed plain, wooden chairs with tables fitting in colour, pragmatic, but functional. The walls had been decorated with bric-a-brac and kitsch of all sorts. Only a few candles on the counter, at the walls and on the tables illuminated the ambience. It was not a well visited place. Here and there he discovered men his age, gambling away their salary to their wives’ grief by drinking or playing cards. Between them he could see strumpets, who, looking for customers, tiptoed up and down between them. Once they had laid eyes on Levi they approached him like their uglier colleagues at the docks but Levi’s gaze was so determined and glaring this night that soon they did not even wanted to be invited to a drink by him.

Sitting at a table in a corner of the room a woman struck Levi’s gaze who was sitting all alone, eating. Even though she was not remarkably tall her presence indicated that she was very well able to take care of herself. Grey, unagitated eyes kept her surroundings not unobserved while she put the spoon in her mouth in a way as if the soup was entirely tasteless. Long, black hair covered her shoulders. A loose, dark red scarf warmed her neck. She was about Levi’s age.

For a moment he stared at her, suddenly hit by the strong and urgent feeling of familiarity which he could not understand, eventually feeling scared and lost, before he managed it to turn around and approach the counter, where he sat down on a free chair. He placed his elbows on the greasy wood and waited for someone to take care of his soul and order. Next to him sat a young man, not older than eighteen or twenty years. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, not wearing a waistcoat or jacket, but a pair of suspenders that had been somehow attached to a pair of too short, worn out brown pants. On the counter in front of him stood a glass of beer from which he occasionally took a sip. He was chatting and joking with the innkeeper and was, even though his voice showed unhidden sarcasm, obviously in a good mood. After Levi had sat next to him for while without saying a word, the boy turned around and addressed him.

“Say”, he started and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Levi raised his head, looking at him properly for the first time. The lad had dark blonde, almost brown hair that was longer on the top than on the side and back. His brown eyes showed the expression of a man, who knew perfectly well where his place in society was and where he wanted to go. He had a very slim face – it reminded Levi of a horse. “What on earth brings a rich prick like you in one of the most rotten corners of London?” He reached for his beer and took a sip. “I ain’t got no idea if you’ve noticed so far, but everybody around ‘ere keeps staring at ya.”

“I’m homesick”, was all Levi replied, since he did not feel the right motivation to explain his life story tonight. “And yes, I’ve noticed.”

The boy laughed and kept drinking. His laughter sounded cheeky, almost patronising, as if he was one of those who thought they were always right. Silently Levi bit his bottom lip.

“Homesick?” Unhidden disbelief sounded in the other’s voice. “If I’d got the chance to get outta this swamp I dare say they shall never see me ‘ere again.”

Levi raised the brows and eyed his counterpart in the most unimpressed manner.

“Well”, he answered drily, “let’s hope then you’ll be luckier than me.”

The boy pulled a wry face. The piercing brown eyes still rested on Levi in amusement. For a while neither said a word. Then, only in the moment when Levi started to wonder when on earth somebody would serve him something to drink, the younger one continued.

“You look like a fellow who’s been through a horrible night”, he took another sip, “and then decided to pay us a visit to comfort the broken ego while watching the miserable lives of us poor twerps.” Once more he laughed. “Your own misery ain’t none compared to us, right?”

Levi pressed his lips together. He had certainly not come here to be insulted by some young teenage boy.

“Are you planning to bore me with that sort of bullshit for the whole night, son?”, he muttered in an irritated way and his words finally worked. The other, who had not expected someone of Levi’s rank talking so frankly, raised his brows in appreciation. Finally he burst out in roaring laughter and hit the counter with the flat hand.

“Man, and he’s swearing like a trooper, too”, he muttered more to himself than to the others, before he addressed the host with a loud voice, who was standing next to the liquor bottles, wiping a glass. “Connie, go and get me new friend ‘ere a pint of beer, will ya?”

The host turned around, a milky glass in the one, a dirty piece of cloth in the other hand. He was about twenty years of age and also had the gaze of those who had seen anything. Huge, exhausted eyes turned on Levi, who replied his gaze motionlessly.

“Fine, fine”, he replied not very impressed, “just lemme finish polishing me glass.” He started to wipe away the last stains from the glass, when not far away from the counter the door that – at least Levi assumed so – led to the kitchen flew open. A young lady entered the taproom, her hair of the same chestnut brown as Hange’s. Over her linen dress she wore a bloodstained apron on which she tried to clean her dirty hands. She was chewing on something. With rapid movements she approached Connie, whose eyes widened in sudden outrage.

“Goddamn it, Sasha!”, he burst out and placed the cloth so heavily on the counter that Levi feared for a moment that everything near would shatter, before he reached out and grabbed her wrist. “I’ve told ya a hundred times and this is for the last – when I see you coming ‘ere munching and chewing one more time you can go make ya money out there on the streets again, do you get me?”

“Don’t make such a fuss”, the young lady hissed at him and broke free. She took a pile of dirty glasses and plates from the counter, whereas her eyes still rested on the host. “You want me to throw away everything that’s left over?” Her fingers angrily clenched around the plates. “What a waste!”

“There wouldn’t be so much left if you’d cook better”, the host growled, who once more took the cloth with a grim face and started to polish his glass with heavy movements.

“If you don’t like it you can lump it”, the other replied sassily, “won’t be too long before you can close up that hole then.”

She turned away from them and hurried back to the kitchen. Thereby she kept swearing in a low voice. Only seconds later the door fell shut behind her with a bursting noise. Connie and the guy next to Levi exchanged a meaningful look.

“If I was you I’d thrown her out of ‘ere decades ago”, the horse faced boy muttered and shook his head in disbelief. “Her appetite will ruin ya, mate.”

“I know, I know”, Connie replied, who was now done with the glass and put it away. Afterwards he grabbed a pint glass, filled it and placed it in front of the physician without even looking at him. “But she’s all alone. Shall I let her rot on the streets only ‘cause her husband is pushing daisies?”

They started a passionate discussion whether it would be a good or a bad idea to keep her here, and Levi, who felt reminded of Petra by this girl in a very unpleasant way, took the glass. With the knuckles of his left hand he tapped the counter and stood up.

“Thanks for the beer”, she said short tempered, “but I think I better get over there now.”

“Alright, Mister”, said the boy and nodded at Levi. “Have a nice night and take care. Ya’ll need it around ‘here.”

Carrying his glass of beer Levi passed the room. He was actually longing for harder drinks, like whiskey or cognac, but a present was a present after all. Wordlessly he sat down at one of the empty chairs, his back facing the entrance door. And after he had finished his beer he got straight back to liquor. One hour passed like this and if he eventually was as drunk as during his conversation with Erwin or even more he could not say for certain. From the corners of his eyes he watched people coming and leaving. And when the woman with the red scarf finally stood up and headed outside passing him, Levi noticed to his own surprise that certain parts of him felt slightly sad about that. He remained alone, drinking, unsure when he should get back home, secretly knowing that everybody was probably worrying about him, especially Eren and Hange.

But like this, he thought and ordered more, only for once, the pain in his chest would stop for a while.

A heavy glass of whiskey rested in his hands, whiskey that the bald host had watered down as well, but Levi was not in the mood to raise an argument over such little things as these tonight. Silently he watched the amber liquid, lost in thoughts and self-pity, when once more somebody grabbed his upper arm and pulled him back on his feet. The glass slid out of Levi’s fingers and fell to the ground where it shattered into thousands of pieces. His eyes widened in surprise, Levi whirled around, freezing when he noticed that the man who stood in front of him was nobody but the one he had met in his old flat. He looked anything but merry.

“Kenny, goddamn it, keep your filthy hands off me customers!”, Connie yelled over the counter. Split seconds later something hit Levi’s temples, throwing him to the ground. The prostitutes around them started screaming. Feeling all dizzy he did not move for a few seconds, before he finally scrambled back on his feet. The excitement that was now rushing through his veins made him forget the alcohol. For a moment everything started to spin and a bitter, metallic taste spread in his mouth. Visibly surprised he reached for his bottom lip. When he looked at his fingertips, they shined bloody red.

“What’s ya bloody problem, you son of a bitch?”, Levi growled, his head at the edge of exploding in pain, since he had hit the ground with his forehead first. The stranger grabbed his collar and pulled him close so heavily that Levi feared for a moment that this guy could tear Erwin’s cravat into pieces. Levi lost the ground underneath his feet. He reached for the other’s forearm and tried to break free, but failed. In his right hand the man carried a wooden box, which he let fall down next to Levi. When it touched the ground it broke open. It was empty.

“That’s me bloody problem!”, the man hissed and thereby aspirated his stinky breath right into Levi’s face. Levi, who would not lose his temper over everything or anything after such a night, only laughed bitterly.

“An empty wooden box?”

“My savings, you bastard!”

“Oh.”

Suddenly the physician’s resistance faded. The door to this old chamber had not even been locked. It had been open. If that was the case because somebody had accessed this room without allowance or if the lock had just conked out could not be said for sure. A thief, a whore, a pouting lover, it could have been anyone. The circumstantial evidences though were quite troubling. And Kenny did not look like someone who would prefer a rational discussion in order to solve the conflict.

The physician took a deep breath. Afterwards his face went blank. His gaze became even more piercing and glaring. Slowly he let his face sank forward, carefully watching his opponent. That turd wanted a fight? – Fine. He could have one. If he was honest, he had secretly been longing for something like that since the moment he had left the carriage.

“If I were you, I would rather take care of me bloody face”, Levi growled in a low voice, without letting his gaze slip from the man named Kenny, “even though this ugly visage of ya can hardly be considered your charming point.” Kenny did not appear very impressed. Instead, a self-satisfied grin showed on his lips.

“Why should I, you midget?”

Levi did not hesitate for long. Instead he reached out for that man’s collar, pulling him close with a heavy jerk, letting his head shoot out until his forehead hit the middle of the other man’s face. A bursting crackling and crunching made clear that the giant’s nose was about to change it’s appearance. There was a loud sound of lamentation before he let Levi go.

“My nose!”, Kenny yelled and reached for his face. Blood shot out of every possible body opening and dropped on the floorboards. Levi hit the ground and had almost gotten back on his feet when once more the fist of this man hit his face. It missed him enough in order not to hurt him seriously, but hard enough to make Levi see stars for a few seconds. Shakingly he staggered back a few steps, before he found back his balance. He started to prepare for another attack, when his actions were anticipated. Somebody grabbed the attacker, pressing the arm onto his back until it cracked and the other started to scream. The resistance he had shown before faded in an instant. He whirled around and pressed him, face first, against the – fortunately – dark red painted wall.

“Know your place, you rat”, the arrival growled with a deep voice and strengthened his grip. He waited until the other had fully stopped moving and let him go.

“You will regret that”, Kenny hissed, who reached for the box and pressed it against his chest. After that he left the pub as fast as he could. With a heavily beating heart Levi stared after him. After he had remained like this for a few seconds, he finally turned around and looked over to the man who had just saved him from that lunatic. He was huge and ash blonde dishevelled hair fell into his face. The massive body was covered by the dress uniform of the English infantry. Levi’s heart stopped for a beat and a surprised gasp left his throat.

“Lieutenant Zacharias”, the physician muttered when suddenly his gaze turned red. He blinked and reached for his forehead – a laceration. Blood was covering his face. He had not noticed this during the fight and now as well he did not have the time to take care of that. “Damn it”, he swore and took out a handkerchief from his waistcoat pocket, which he then pressed against the wound. In the meantime, Mike stepped closer.

“There you are”, he hummed, his voice filled with honest relief. “I’ve been searching for you almost everywhere.” He looked neither remarkably happy nor angry over their reunion in the middle of the night, in this unimaginable place. As usual he looked calm and severe, a calmness that slowly transferred to Levi as well. The physician gave him a volatile look. Somehow he was happy to see that soldier around here.

“So it looks like I now owe you two”, he said with a matte voice and suddenly a smile showed on Mike’s face.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Oi!”, it sounded furiously from the counter. It was Connie, wiping one glass after another in unhidden anger. “If you want to drub so badly get ya bloody asses outta ‘ere! I ain’t need no drunken fools turning my furniture into firewood.”

Mike turned around and Connie, who only now seemed to realise that this man was first of all unbelievably huge and second of all a soldier, turned pale.

“Be unconcerned, Sir”, Mike said friendly, “we were about to leave anyway. Have a good night.”

 

 

 

Not far away from the place where the coachman had let Levi out only hours ago they boarded the carriage that had brought Mike here earlier. Silently Levi sat down on the left side and when Mike’s massive body sank into the padding next to him, the carriage slightly inclined to the right for a moment.

The snap of a whip could be heard from outside. Split seconds later the wheels started moving. Levi, whose wounds had by now stopped bleeding, slumped down with every metre they covered. Wordlessly he stared out of the window, before he lowered his head in dejection. Now, in Mike’s presence, on their way back, all the thoughts he had tried to run away from attacked him once more.

“I am certainly not the one to judge you”, Mike began eventually, looking out of the window, lost in thoughts. His huge hands rested on his lab, “but let me tell you that your disappearance caused quite a commotion.”

Levi did not answer. The last thing he was longing for right now was a moral lecture of someone who had let him knowingly run into the opened knife. Mike had known about this engagement, there was no doubt about that. In the end, though, Levi raised his head and looked at the lieutenant for a long while.

“How did you know where I was?”

“You once mentioned the fact that you grew up in the East End, not far away from the docks.” Mike fell silent for a moment and looked at his hands. “Mr. Jaeger remembered this. But a boy of his age should not be strolling around here in the middle of the night, same goes for Miss Zoe – no matter how much of a Gentleman she might be in her heart. Since Commander Smith could hardly leave the ball as its host he asked me to look for you.”

Levi furrowed his brows.

“He asked you?”

Mike nodded.

“Yes”, he said calmly. “I came here and visited the few pubs that had not been closed due to this late hour. You can consider it a lucky fortune that I met you there.”

“Are the others alright?”, Levi asked silently, who slowly started to realise the scope of his actions. Once more Mike nodded.

“They are doing fine. Miss Zoe and Mr. Jaeger have already returned to the Middleton residence. Our good friend, Commander Smith, though-“, the lieutenant hesitated for a moment and gave Levi a meaningful look through the darkness. “In contrary to you he is capable of keeping his temper as long as the situation demands it.”

Silently the physician bit his bottom lip when a rush of boiling hot anger overwhelmed him. Who did that guy think he was?

“If your only reason to come here was to reproach me, keep it to yourself – or let me out.” He almost spit these words on his opposite. “It’s not like I wouldn’t be familiar with this area.”

“That’s out of question”, Mike answered, but it sounded rather amused instead of judging. Those were the last words Mike addressed to Levi on the matter of his disappearance and Levi knew that Hange would give him a proper telling off once he had entered the Middleton’s house – and she was right in doing so. She would not sleep before he had gotten home. It remained to be hoped that at least Eren could have found some sleep.

Silently Levi looked at his bloodstained hands, secretly hoping that at least his cravat had made it through this night without any damage.

Like this they drove through the night. Mike appeared, now where he had fulfilled his duty, very calm, but his gaze testified that there was one more thing on his mind. Levi just tried to ignore him. He was tired and exhausted, absolutely devastated due to what had happened in this night, staring into the darkness with empty eyes. He did not even look up when it started to thunder at the horizon. Minutes later, thick and heavy drops of _[rain](https://rainymood.com/)_ crackled against the windows.

“You are in love with him, aren’t you?”

Suddenly broad awake, Levi looked up and stared over to Mike, who was silently replying his gaze. His eyes were resting in a most inscrutable way on the physician, who could not say if he was being judged or appreciated. Levi cleared his throat and looked away.

“That ain’t none of your business”, he muttered and looked through the window out in the black night sky.

“It certainly is my business, since Commander Smith is my best friend and comrade”, said Mike, who was still eying Levi. When Levi did not answer he sighed silently and let his fingers run through his hair. “And I know that you are the only one he’s secretly longing for. I could see it in his gaze from the moment he had first laid his eyes on you.” The man snorted and a bitter, unbelieving smile showed on his lips. “Even though I urgently hoped that my worries were unjustified it would not take long until I discovered the same expression in your gaze as well. You know, Erwin was never very fond of the ladies. He did never talk about it, but when you know someone as long as we know each other, if you have grown up together, there are things you cannot hide, Dr. Ackerman.” Mike cleared his throat. “So I am asking you again: Are you in love with him?”

Levi started to tremble. His fingers that had been resting on his knees clenched the fabric of his knee-length, black pants. Something inside of him tied up his throat, taking away his breath. If he spoke it out loud it would be true. His heartbeat accelerated and when he finally raised his head and looked at Mike through the darkness, every colour had disappeared from his face. His eyes showed the desperation of an animal that had been cornered. He opened his mouth, but it took him several attempts before he found back his voice. It was nothing but a mere whisper, filled with shame and embarrassment. It was the voice of a man who knew he had sinned.

“Yes.”

Mike nodded understandingly. He took a deep breath and let his gaze wander around the cabin, thoughtfully fingering his chin beard. For a few moments he looked as if he was thinking very hard.

“If that is the case”, he finally broke the silence, “promise me that you will not use anything of what I am going to tell you about him and his family to harm them.”

“I shall promise it.”

“Fine.” The giant leaned back. The leather padding yielded with a sigh under his weight. “As you might be aware of, Commander Smith’s father died not too long ago. He was a generous man and everybody was thinking very highly of him, me included. But when the inheritance was administered it turned out that Commander Smith’s father, Mr. Smith, had – let’s say – lost certain financial assets the family was very much in need of.”

Levi raised his brows.

“What do you want to say?”, he asked.

“The Smith family is almost bankrupt”, Mike answered bitterly and Levi’s stomach turned into a knot. He gasped for breath and remained motionlessly until he had fully taken the news and Mike could go on. “You may wonder how such a lifestyle can be afforded under such circumstances – those are the rests of Commander Smith’s private life savings which enable him to keep up appearances. The situation is still very unfortunate though. You certainly know that a marriage befitting one’s social status needs an appropriate dowry if you are a girl – and Commander Smith has three younger sisters.” He hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words. “If he died they would not inherit a single pound, you know that just as well as I do. Therefore it is his task and duty as brother to marry well as soon as possible to keep up the social reputation liquidity of the Smith family – and provide his sisters a realistic chance to live a good life. You will certainly understand now why I was not very fond to notice that my dearest friend had taken a liking in you, something that was not caused by your sex rather than by the situation he sees himself confronted with in the present moment.” Levi nodded reluctantly. All of a sudden his heart felt so heavy. He closed his eyes for a moment to get rid of all the information that kept crackling onto him. The sadness that now overwhelmed him was not dedicated to him but to the destiny of the man he loved. “The engagement with Miss Wedgewood is, if you ignore her questionable character, the best thing that has happened to the Smith family for a very long time”, Mike closed his speech. “You must know, her family owns a large fortune, influence and is well known and respected.”

“Do the Wedgewoods know about that?”, Levi asked under breath.

“No”, Mike answered and shook his head. “And I wish it to stay this way. The only thing the Smith family can work with right now is their excellent reputation. It’s the only thing they can play off after all that has happened to them. It is very important that this advantage will not be endangered by – romantic affairs of dubious character.”

“Yes”, Levi whispered and nodded. He understood everything that Mike said, he understood it so well. There was no place for him in this tragedy of self-denial, in this lie that Erwin Smith would call his life before too long.

This was the worst night of his life.

“It might be the best for everyone involved if I went back to Brighthampton”, Levi said after a period of silence and exchanged a look with Mike, who looked as unhappy as Levi felt inside. It was obvious that whatever Mike did, he was always thinking about what was the best for his friend.

“Everything that has been whirled up tonight will take some time to settle down”, Mike went on eventually. “You can imagine what a scandal it would be if your relations to him would be made public, apart from the social consequences. As long as he has not married her he must act very carefully – and even after that it is the best not to take a risk, however small it might be. Leave London and I shall promise you that we will never bother you in Brighthampton again.” Mike sighed. “And everyone will be able to continue their lives as if nothing had ever happened.”

All of a sudden the carriage stopped. Visibly surprised, Levi looked out of the window. Unsure, what to do, he remained motionlessly on his place.

“Dr. Ackerman.” Mike insisted. He raised his head, looking at the lieutenant like a scared deer. He felt so numb, unable to gather even one clear thought. What had happened to him tonight? That was not what he had been up to. That was not what he had attended this ball for.

In the end it was Mike who opened the carriage door and requested him to get out. He obeyed and together they left the vehicle cabin. They hurried through the rain and had soon reached the entrance door. Mike’s massive hands reached for the iron ring that had been attached to the door, but once more turned towards Levi before he knocked. Honest regret sounded in his voice.

“I am terribly sorry that it had to come like this, Doctor.”

Levi smiled bitterly.

“Me too.”

“I would have preferred it if everyone had gotten what they longed for. But apparently it’s not the right time.”

With heavy movements the metal slammed against the wooden door. Not long afterwards Levi could see the matte light of a candle during the doors small windows, which was opened only seconds later. It was Hange who welcomed them. She wore a long, white nightgown and a rose, short jacket. Her thick brown hair was covered by a hood. She looked tired. For a moment she looked at Mike, then Levi, before endless relief showed on her face.

“Oh Mike, how can I thank you for this”, she whispered silently, getting only a friendly smile in return.

“Don’t mention it”, he answered. “There were some things we needed to discuss anyway.”

“Oh?” She raised her brows in surprise and looked back and forth between them.

“Yes.” Mike nodded at her. “But it’s quite late as well. Since you have gotten your physician back now I shall bid my farewell.” He placed his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Goodbye, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Goodbye.” Levi shortly hesitated. “You are a good friend, Lieutenant Zacharias. You truly are.”

The man snorted in amusement, then turned away and hurried back to the carriage. After he had disappeared inside Levi finally entered the building. Hange closed the door behind him, watching the man in sorrow.

“Oh Levi”, she whispered deeply dismayed. “What on earth has happened to you?”

He had expected her to be angry but now where she realised how devastated he was there was only fear sparkling in her eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about it”, he muttered short-temperedly and let his fingers run through his pomaded hair. “I’m very sorry for the circumstances I have caused you and Eren.”

Still holding the candle in her left hand, she looked at him for a long while.

“Come with me to the kitchen”, she finally said. “You must wash off the blood and eat something before you go to bed.” Levi nodded and silently followed her down the hallway. “And wake Eren up once you get there. The boy was beside himself with fear.”

“Yes.”

She suddenly stopped, turned around and placed the candle on a nearby side table. After that she stepped closer and pulled him into her arms, holding him so tight that Levi could not move, and he let it happen, too surprised and sad to fight once more tonight.

“Hange”, he admonished her.

“You damn idiot”, she interrupted him. “Don’t you ever dare to do this again, do you get that?”

 

After he had washed the blood off of his face and hands, ate some slices of bread and drank some water he went upstairs. He was so tired that his whole body felt numb. This night had been as long as a whole human life. It would take him a few days to realise the full scope of tonight’s incidents for his future life. But there was one thing he knew too well. He would not meet Erwin again. This night formed the conclusion of a sinister, bittersweet encounter. The thought alone pierced a stake through Levi’s heart.

He undressed and prepared for the night. Afterwards he once more looked at the suit he had worn tonight. There were quite a lot of stains and tears that would be impossible to fix. His cravat, though, was unharmed. In the light of a single candle Erwin’s initials sparkled golden in the darkness. Levi studied it for a while, breathed one last kiss against the fabric and stood up. This piece of cloth was the only thing that would remain from Erwin. His cravat and a bunch of letters.

As silently as he could he went over to the bed and sat down, positioning himself in a manner that one would not see the wounds in his face right away. Carefully he touched his protégé on his shoulder.

“Eren”, he whispered. “Eren, wake up.”

Sleepy the green eyes opened. It took him a few moments until he was awake enough to understand what happened. After all it was almost morning. In a few hours the sun hours the sun would rise.

“Levi”, he muttered and winked several times until he was fully awake. He tried to sit up, but Levi tenderly pushed him back.

“Shhht”, he said, “stay. I just wanted to tell you that I’m back.”

“Where have you been?”, Eren asked and his voice was not free of curiosity and reproach. The physician reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind Eren’s ear.

“A walk”, he said and it was the biggest lie in his life. “I was just taking a walk.”

Again and again Eren’s eyes wandered over Levi’s face, on which slowly a bitter smile showed. Suddenly the boy turned pale. He had probably discovered the laceration. His eyes widened and unhidden sorrow was written all over his face. He opened his mouth, but as if he sensed that Levi did not want to talk about it, he remained silent.

“But you are back now”, was everything he said and Levi nodded. The exchanged a volatile smile.

“Yes, I am back”, the physician replied. “And you will sleep now, fine?”

Eren nodded.

“Yes, Sir.”

Levi readjusted the blankets and stood up. Silently he took the candle and went over to his half of the bed. He did not miss the fact that Eren carefully watched every of his steps, until he finally snuggled into his blanket and closed his eyes. Levi followed his example and lay down. He then turned off the light, rolled on his back, one arm stretched out next to him, the other placed on his forehead. Silently he stared at the ceiling, until Eren rolled over to him a few minutes later, clinging to the familiar source of warmth. Tired, Levi sat up, patting the boy’s head, before he sank back into the pillows. With wide, tired eyes he stared into the darkness. A universal emptiness filled every fibre of his body. He would not find any sleep tonight and secretly he wondered whether Erwin did feel the same.

 

~*~

_Bonus Track_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> hard to believe it's already been two weeks again. Time is rushing. It's incredible. It might be due to the simple fact that I am still quite busy - but when am I not?
> 
> For those who had silently been hoping for Erwin appearing in a shining armour turning the mess around - I'm sorry. It won't be that easy. But you know, it was quite a challenge for me not to burst out "BUT HIS FAMILY IS BANKRUPT" after the last chapter since Erwin was judged by many - and without knowing his background it was a justified judgement. My poor unlucky soldier. 
> 
> Also it was very interesting to see how the number of comments increases with the amount of drama added. I really do like comments, and I was very happy about every one of them. Also the kudos. As usual, thank you very much for those!
> 
> Before we head to what I liked most this time, let me tell you something else. As I have mentioned before I'm currently working on a print version of The Fall of Mephistopheles. I just received the test prints this week and even though I am probably going to change one little detail I decided to give the testprints away. So there will be a giveaway. In case any of you wants to participate, further information can be found on my tumblr (http://herrkirschbaum.tumblr.com/post/156127634147/good-day-my-dear-readers-to-celebrate-100).
> 
> So yeah, what I liked about this chapter and thoughts I had while translating it.
> 
> 1\. The whole atmosphere changes. Finally we leave the upper class and upper middle class hemisphere and see some other parts of this time.  
> 2\. ALL THE COCKNEY. Me likes that quite a lot, mate.  
> 3\. Levi sitting in front of the bed in which his mother died.  
> 4\. Kenny.  
> 5\. The 104th squad! (Especially Jean :D)  
> 6\. Reiner and Bertl and their one sentence (ofc you recognise them, my dears).  
> 7\. The second when Levi confesses his love to Erwin to Mike.  
> 8\. Hange hugging Levi tight because she was so worried about him. 
> 
> In fact there were a few things that came across my mind when I reread this chapter. It's been half a year now that i finished it and I see things slightly different from back then now. I had quite a nice conversation with Momtaku about self-destruction in series while we were talking about Mad Men. In fact I hadn't noticed it as much until Momtaku had pointed it out to me. And seeing how Levi deals with the current situation revealed to me WHY I was in fact so blind for it. Going back to the East End might be a result of the urge to go back home, return to a safe space he once had, but that isn't anymore. I think what we can see here is basically the child that Levi has once been (a child that still lives inside his heart), feeling utterly devastated and lost in this hostile and cruel world. It's not an accident that the child he meets on those stairs equal him in his appearance. He has NO place where he belongs too. He is too well educated for the slums now. And still too much of a guttersnipe for the high society. I think for this night he has given up for a few hours because he was too tired of all this society crap. Going back to the East End in evening garments basically screams for being robbed and murdered. Also illegally entering this building knowing he will get into serious trouble if caught as well as his drinking habit afterwards. He is longing for pain in order to feel himself and to blow off steam. Also he has ruined clothes that would equal a cheap car in worth nowadays. He has hurt those how love him. He has scared those who love him. He just disappeared into the blue in a world with NO real communication systems (letters do not count here). He might have retraumatized Eren who has already been through so much. How had this night ended if Mike had not found him? Maybe Kenny would have killed him. He did not care about it at all. Or seriously injured him. Or handed him over to authorities. This is a place of London where one can just disappear without anyone noticing. This was a possible scenario and all the veterans as well as Eren had this in mind when they noticed that Levi had just disappeared. I just want to add this to make perfectly clear how terrible the consequences of his actions could have been - and where. Not only Erwin but Levi as well has acted entirely selfish here.  
> It's been a rough night for everyone involved. And I found it incredible healing how Hange treated him when he came back home. It shows how much he means to Hange who is facing many hardships due to her lifestyle. Writing this scene felt like coming home - because it was. 
> 
> I added pictures to the Dr. Ackerman blog. Really nice pics, so have a look (http://dr-ackerman.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
> What were your thoughts this time? Fun fact: Finding a fitting soundtrack this time was not easy. It's just so dark.
> 
> I'm looking foward to read you again!
> 
> Sincerely,  
> HerrKirschbaum


	20. Shared Secrets

 

The night had ended in a way so terrible that no one even dared to mention the name Smith, including everyone who was in contact with him, in Levi’s presence the days after. When Levi was honest with himself he needed to admit that he was secretly glad about this thoughtfulness considering of his person. Even though the thought alone filled him with grief, it might have been better to just get used to the fact that his acquaintance with Erwin Smith now had come to an official end. The sooner he realized the fact that they would not meet each other again the earlier he would be able to forget about the past months – and return to his life in Brighthampton as if nothing had ever happened.

And like this the last days they were meant to spend in London passed. Even though the weather had been nice and friendly around their arrival it had changed after this horrible ball. An endless, depressing grey covered the sky, accompanied by cold temperatures and sudden rain showers which made any picnics or walks they had enjoyed so much earlier impossible. The majority of his remaining spare time Levi therefore spent in the society of Mr. Middleton and a good book not far from the open crackling fireplace. Finally, after all these weeks in which he had not been offered even one calm minute, they left him alone. Even Hange, who had always been at his side, could hardly been met since she spent most of the day in the library; a desperate attempt to read through all the books Mr. Middleton couldn’t – or did not want to borrow her.

Her nieces though seemed to have lost interest in him, since London’s high society had gossiped the days after the ball over what had happened. They now spent their days with Eren, who had not noticed this without happiness.

The days were calm and monotone and it was exactly what Levi needed right now. It formed the close of a stay which Levi had desperately balked against in the beginning and which was something he was awaiting in growing unrest. But even though he appeared calm and severe from the outside, it struck him from time to time out of the blue, when he was sitting in the cozy light of the fire, a book in the one, a cup of tea in the other hand. These times when he realized once more that his eyes followed the lines without even reading one word consciously for pages; when his thoughts wandered off to the blonde commander without noticing. Whenever this happened pictures of the night of the ball overwhelmed him, pictures, that he tried to keep away from him with all his power. He had never been kissed with such desperation as back in this night. Thinking of this his lips started itching and a deep sadness that left him numb and angry at the same time filled his chest. It was a sadness that was always present, even though he was not always aware of it. A sadness that could leave him sleepless at night, when there was nothing he could distract himself with. It had become Levi’s closest companion and secretly he hated it more than anything else. 

He was exhausted. Every fiber of his body was longing to enter the next horse carriage that would bring him back to the coast. Out of this town in which he did not belong – and never had. As back then, after Erwin and Mike’s unexpected departure, the physician got lost in himself. Only Petra managed it with her relentless attitude to break through to him. He had not forgotten about his promise to go for a drink with her dressed as a boy – and Levi was a man who stood by his words.

During the early evening hours they secretly had left the house, like two lovers who wanted to run away. Levi knew too well the amount of trouble he would be in if Mr. Middleton would find out but he had decided to ignore his doubts for tonight, for Petra. Protected by the dark a carriage had brought them deeper into the heart of the city and released them to an unforeseeable night after half an hour. Not long after their steps had led them to one of the countless local inns. At a crossing, in the basement of a brick stone building, they finally found what they had been looking for. Now they were sitting in the middle of a tiny taproom which had been stuffed with furniture and bric-a-brac of all sorts by the host, surrounded by thirsty men and gruffly hostesses with a sincere laughter and huge breasts. The atmosphere was merry and easy. Drunken men lay in each other’s arms, swearing never ending friendship and loyalty, while others, who would not take the rules too seriously, earned the one or another slap in the face by the local ladies under the roaring laughter of the surrounding people. In a corner not far away from them sat a group of young men. All of them held a music instrument in their arms and together they filled the air with the jolliest and liveliest jigs Levi had the pleasure of listening to for a long time. He recognized the reels of his own childhood, songs he had sung when he had still been living on the countryside and which’s lyrics he had forgotten soon after he had moved to London.

The table in front of them was filled with glasses, some still full while some only kept the froth of long consumed beer. The smoke of cigarettes and cigars filled the tiny room. The air was thick and heavy. It might have been hours ago that Levi had taken off his jacket and placed it over the backrest of his chair. He was wearing beige pantaloons, a choice he regretted considering the vast amounts of spilled beer around him. His chest was covered by his plain, dark red linen vest. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Again and again strands of thick black hair kept shifting into his face, wetted by the sweat that covered his forehead. It was incredibly hot in here and it was perfectly clear that they would not be able to hide the evidences of their nightly adventure once they returned, but right now Levi did not care at all. There were more important things that kept his mind busy right now. 

Silently Levi reached for his glass of whiskey that almost disappeared between all the pints of beer and took a big gulp while keeping a blank face. Considering the joy and pleasure that was roaring around him, he appeared strangely concentrated and self-controlled. He was furrowing his brow. In his hands he held, neatly arranged, ten playing cards of different colours. His glaring, steel grey eyes again and again wandered back and forth between his own cards and the table, where in the middle he could see a small pile of silver coins. The eyes of his fellow players were resting on him, Levi could feel it, but he did not show on the outside that he was aware of that. The mood was so tense he could hardly bear it. It was everything or nothing.

His face motionless, as if the survival of his foster son depended on his next move, he reached out and took an ace of hearts from his hand cards and placed it in the middle of the table with a patronizing gesture. Afterwards he leaned back and waited. Men bend forward, only split seconds before their own cards noisily slapped on the table, followed by annoyed moans of the surrounding players. The hint of a smile showed on Levi’s lips, when he realised that this proved their victory. It seemed as if heart was their trump card tonight. 

The gentleman to his right, his team partner for this party, started to cheer madly and pulled the pile of silver over to their side of the table. He gave Levi a confident look of victory and reached for his beer. Afterwards he leaned back and took a huge gulp. It was a bright young fellow, who equalled Levi in height and stature. Just as his partner, he was wearing simple and plain colours. Ginger, shoulder length hair was tied together in his neck with a little black ribbon. A pair of brown eyes, sparkling in happiness, searched for Levi’s gaze from time to time, which he replied calmly. The name of his young man was Patrick; or rather Miss Petra Ral during the day time. Petra as well had gotten rid of her jacket and rolled up her sleeves. Together with their expensive clothing they had laid aside their noble habit which was demanded from the people residing in the West End of this city. In this pub they addressed each other by their family name. It was easy to find friends, almost as easy as losing them again over marked cards. In the case of a major disagreement it was common to accompany each other outside. And then, once everything had been solved, they continued drinking as if nothing had ever happened before. Levi did not mind this at all. To be honest, this loose atmosphere relaxed him. 

“Looks like we just won again, Ackerman”, Petra grinned next to him and sorted the coins. Her appearance was, Levi could not deny it, remarkably convincing. Even though she looked slender and youthful, nobody of the surrounding people seemed to have a clue that underneath her clothing there was in fact the body of a woman. “Again!” She laughed in triumph and looked at their fellow players, who placed their cards in the middle of the table, their lips pressed together in disbelief. Levi shook his head. The skills of this woman were truly illegal. 

“You’re drinking too slowly, doctor. It ain’t no good if you stay all sober”, she said suddenly waved at some passing steward, who approached them right afterwards. “Be so kind and grab us another round of beer, will ya?” The servant, a heavy, bearded man around forty, nodded visibly in a good mood and disappeared in the crowd. With a thin smile on his lips Levi took the glass of whiskey and emptied it in one gulp. When he placed it on the table a broad smile was written all over Petra’s face. 

“I dare say I’m not surprised you got into a fight”, she said. “You truly are a fast drinker.” Levi raised his brows. Two days it had taken him to recover from the dispute he had gotten himself into in this small inn not far away from the docks. Two days in which he had been a guest of the Middletons, with a swollen face and an easily visible laceration on his forehead. He was still not sure whether the headache that had tormented him the day after took its origin in the alcohol he had consumed or the fact that he had kissed the wooden floor after Kenny had hit him in his face. But right now only thin, scabby lines around his lips and temples indicated that Levi could stand his ground if the situation demanded it.   

It did not take long until the table was filled with fresh glasses. 

“Last order”, was everything the steward said before he left them alone with their drinks. Before Levi could react, Petra had taken away the cards from him and started to mix them into the remaining. 

“Gentlemen”, she began and addressed the surrounding people, “who has the kindness to offer us some last round?”

“Certainly not me”, the man that faced Levi muttered and his friend that had acted remarkably calm and severe during the whole evening, nodded heavily. 

“You play with devil’s fingers, mister”, was everything he said. His team mate, a huge, slender guy, showed an excusing smile and scratched his head. 

“My wife is going to kill me if I gamble away much more tonight.”

The people started laughing and the taciturn man patted his friends’ shoulder in compassion. Even Levi showed an appreciating grin when he took a first gulp of his beer. In the meantime Petra gathered the cards, placing them inside her waistcoat pocket with a frustrated expression and Levi could not help himself but to think that Mike used to do this in the same way.

“Looks as if we have played our opponents against the wall”, Levi began not without the sound of friendly mockery in his voice and gazed at Petra, who was still sitting on her chair with spread legs. If he thought of the young lady who had once interrupted him during his bath – he would have never recognised her like this. 

“For all I care”, she laughed. By now she had divided the money between them and took away her part. “And as long as it makes you laugh it shall not bother me. You are acting quite introverted and taciturn since that ball.”

Levi, whose lips still touched the glass, placed it back on the table and looked over to Petra, who replied his gaze in self-confidence. Silently he watched her for a while, and then lowered his gaze. 

“You’re paying attention to such things, Ral?”, he asked her in a grumpy manner, causing Petra to laugh her sincere laughter.

“I pay attention to many things, doctor.”

She remarked this in a very casual way, but Levi’s heart stopped beating for a second, since suddenly a deep, familiar voice sounded in his ears.

_ I pay attention to many things, doctor. _

During the first ball Erwin had used exactly these words to address him. For a second he would have given anything to hear this voice for one last time. 

Caused by his reaction Petra’s smile suddenly faded, indicating that his expression was speaking for himself. For a while neither of them said a word. 

“I wonder how Commander Smith is doing”, she finally said, as if she wanted to see if Smith was really the reason for Levi’s sudden change of moods. Silently Levi took another sip before he thoughtfully looked at the beer for a while before he answered. 

“I ain’t got no idea”, Levi replied short-tempered and placed the glass back heavier than intended. He did not want to talk about Erwin. Not here, not on such a night. “And I’d appreciate it to let this matter rest in the future, if you don’t mind, Ral.”

With these words he gained a reluctant nod from Petra, who afterwards also reached for her beer and drank. Silently Levi let his gaze wander over the people surrounding them, when once more the door to the taproom was opened. Levi noticed this only from the corners of his eyes, but split seconds were enough to let him freeze as if he had been struck by lightning. His eyes widened. He could not breathe. This man in the doorframe – he would recognize him amongst thousands. It was nobody else but the man who had caused him the laceration on the forehead during the night of the recent ball. He might have been wearing less worn out clothing tonight, but his face was something Levi would, no matter how drunk he had been back then, never forget. 

“Oh goddamn it”, he whispered. “Seems like I shall never get rid of that prick again.”

Petra, who now raised her brows in surprise, followed his gaze. 

“What’s wrong?”

Levi, who did not dare to look away from that man, leaned over to Petra until they were close enough to continue their conversation whispering. 

“That brawl I’ve gotten into around the docks”, he murmured and nodded towards the man, who was now walking down the stairs with slow, self-satisfied steps. “I was fighting with that guy over there.”

The eyes of his friend widened in silent surprise. Once more she turned around to look at the man, as if she could not believe it. 

“With that shaggy, tall gentleman over there?”, she whispered in sarcasm.

“Exactly.”

“Oh dear.”

“His name was Kenny.”

“I see.” Petra snorted next to him. “A rather harmless name for someone who turned your face into minced meat, don’t you think?”

“Kinda.” Levi raised his hand to silence her. It was Kenny, who now, in order to search the crowd for familiar faces, let his gaze wander up and down the crowd. As fast as he could Levi ducked away. If there was one thing he was not in need of tonight it was a serious dispute in the presence of a lady. He considered two lacerations within one year as absolutely sufficient.

“However”, he suddenly said and reached out for his jacket which he put on right away, “we should hurry up and get outta here.”

Petra followed his example and stood up. Levi, carefully taking care of facing the new arrival with his back only, folded the arms in front of his chest. From time to time he gazed over to the other. Kenny had positioned himself in the middle of the room in a way that would make it almost impossible to pass him without being seen. A silent sigh left Levi’s lips, before he touched Petra’s shoulder, pulling her closer until his lips were right next to her ear. 

“We’ll wait until he got away a little further from that door and then sneak out”, Levi said silently and Petra, who listened carefully to everything he had to say, nodded. “You will go first, since he doesn’t know you. I’ll be right behind you. If anything goes wrong, run outside and wait there for me.”

Once more she nodded. Their eyes met in the light of the candles and her gaze showed an excited sparkling that left Levi slightly unsettled. She appeared full of determination. 

“Fine”, she replied and now also placed one hand on Levi’s shoulder, “let’s do this, Dr. Ackerman.”

They nodded at each other, before they slowly started to sneak away from the middle of the room towards the brick stone walls. Thereby they did not take their eyes away from Kenny, who still did not seem to have noticed their presence. He had returned to the stairs and shifted his hands into his pockets, before he made a turn to the right after a few seconds of waiting, making a few steps back into the middle of the room. Doing so he progressively approached them and Levi and Petra, who were already expecting the worst, somehow managed it to hide behind a group of men, who were standing chatting and laughing in the wildest manner right between them and Kenny. 

“Once I give you a sign”, Levi whispered behind her, “go and leave the taproom. I’ll follow you.”

Petra whirled around. Even though her eyes sparkled in excitement she could not hide the sorrow that she must have felt considering their situation.

“How about you?”, she asked with raised brows and suddenly did not look manly at all anymore. Levi raised his hands mollify her. 

“Ain’t no need to worry ‘bout me”, he muttered before suddenly a thin smile showed on his lips. “Basically grew up ‘ere, remember?”

Petra replied his smile and suddenly appeared a little calmer than before. Still looking at Kenny Levi tried to hide behind his friend. They remained like this for a while, until Kenny finally turned around. His back was the only thing they could still see from him. 

“Now”, Levi hissed and poked her heavily. “Get out of here.”

“Fine, fine”, Petra sighed, who gave him one last but slightly grumpy look before she disappeared between the people. He gave her a head start, then, after a few seconds, he followed her with a blank face, carefully taking care of not looking over to Kenny, just to make sure their gazes would not meet by accident. This way he sneaked on his tiptoes past Kenny, passing him so close that Levi held his breath for a while. He managed it to reach the stairs unrecognised, when suddenly someone called out for him. Levi solidified. His heart stopped beating for a second. He knew who was talking right away. An irritated moan left his throat. For a moment he remained in this position, then, hoping that Kenny might have addressed someone else, but not him, he went on. He did not get far. “Ya bloody midget, I’m talking to ya!”

He could hear steps right behind him. Split seconds later someone had grabbed him on his shoulders and pulled him around. When Levi came to a stop he could see Kenny standing right in front of him. Written all over his scratched face there was the smile of a man who suddenly got what he had been secretly longing for. “If that ain’t the little chap that plundered me casket”, he growled, “what a coincidence that we meet ‘ere of all places.”

“Yeah, such a coincidence”, Levi murmured who, appearing calm on the outside, was fighting his heavily beating heart. He reached for the man’s hand and loosened it from his shoulder, trying not to lose his temper, while consequently replying the other’s gaze. He was not willed to show even the slightest sign of weakness. “Unfortunately I can’t keep ya company, I was just about to leave.”

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

Both stared at each other, then, suddenly, as if caused by an invisible sign, Kenny darted forwards. Levi was faster. Before Kenny could grab him Levi had managed it to kick him against his chest, causing him to lose his balance. The giant staggered a few steps back, before he fell over one of the surrounding chairs and hit a table with his back first. The table broke under his weight and when he hit the ground the beer glasses burst into thousands of pieces underneath his back with a deafening noise. For a moment Kenny did not move as if it had killed him. When finally though the life returned to his limbs, Levi turned on his heels and hurried upstairs. He smashed into a group of men his age, which had just entered the pub through the door, passed them with a mumbled excuse and disappeared into the pitch black night.

When he had reached the streets he stopped and looked around. He discovered Petra not far away from the pub on the opposite side of the street, standing underneath a lantern, her arms folded in front of her chest. Levi, who expected Kenny to follow them, approached her with rapid movements and grabbed her on the wrist when he passed her. 

“Let’s go”, he hissed and dragged the lady under protest to the next side alley. He knew that they would have a bad time if Kenny bumped into them out here and even though Levi was aware of the fact that he would be able to deal with that man on his own, he wanted to avoid such a situation tonight, since tonight Petra was under his care. Nobody would help him here if he overestimated his strength again. 

Together they ran out in the night and eventually stopped under bursting laughter, once Levi could be sure that they had gotten rid of this dreadful, terrible man, leaning against a wall, giggling like little children who had just gotten away with a prank.

 

 

 

 

Accompanied by certain buoyancy caused by their successful escape they had refrained from boarding a carriage and decided to return to the Middleton estate by foot. Silently they walked next to each other, two gentlemen who were on their way home in the middle of the night. From time to time they looked up to the sky that held countless sparkling stars. The temperatures though had dropped even further. Not before long they would be in need of thick woollen coats and garments. The thought alone made Levi smile. He liked autumn, its mild weather and the leaves that seemed to burn in the sunlight. A last rearing up of the nature before winter covered everything underneath its dead bringing snow. 

Sometimes he gazed at Petra from the corners of his eyes, who had folded her arms in front of her chest, her face carefully watching the ground. He could still hear her laughter in his mind, laughter as clear as a bell, and it had taken her quite a while to calm down again after they had escaped Kenny. Now her eyes shined in the light of the gas lanterns, hungry for life, happy over these few hours of subjective freedom. This night and Levi knew this too well, was something she would probably never forget. And if he, who would return to Brighthampton within the end of this week, to a house that would be empty once Eren had left him, if he was honest about his feelings he had to admit that he was secretly thinking the same. He would never forget this night, most certainly. 

The more he thought about Eren moving to Oxford next year, the more bitter it tasted. He had gotten used to that boy over all these years, so much that it by now felt very painful to let him go. Still though – Eren was growing up. It was time for him to start a life on his own.

“In case my uncle has noticed something blame everything on me”, Petra suddenly began next to him and Levi listened attentively. “By now I think he might be quite used to all that grief I have caused him so far, Dr. Ackerman.” She laughed, yet it sounded cracking and nervous. Levi shook his head. 

“I will tell him it was my idea. In fact, I asked you to do this”, he said drily and without looking at her. “That saves you some trouble and me the honour of wasting more of my time with Miss Zoe’s annoying twins.”

Petra did not answer, but when Levi looked over to her the following time, a tender smile had appeared on her lips. 

“I must thank you, Sir”, she broke the silence after a few minutes of silence. She raised her head and replied his gaze. “After all this time in London you made me remember how my life has once felt like.” Her smile increased. “You made me remember better days.”

“Your situation might not be easy”, Levi replied, who could not let go of her gaze. He did not know what it was, but even though she was wearing men’s garments – or maybe because she was – she looked, and he could not deny it, absolutely beautiful. When he could not stand her gaze anymore, he turned away and eyed the plastered ground, grinning. “But I dare say you are fighting quite well, Miss Ral.”

“Thank you.” She eyed him up and down for a while. Soft and tenderly her eyes rested on him, who only from time to time replied her gaze from the corners of his eyes. “You know as good as I do that such a fate can be carried easier if there are people who understand your feelings and motives, such as you do.”

“Miss Ral, I-“

His words left his lips before he had realised he was talking, and so he interrupted himself, not knowing, what he had wanted to say in the end. Silently he watched her in the darkness. Even though she used to wear a mask of self-confidence most of the time, sometimes she appeared as lost as a small child. They had only known each other for such a short time, yet there was an intimacy and trust between them that Levi had almost never felt in his life. Was it the bond of two outcasts who knew that scars, no matter how old they were, would never heal completely? Sometimes they itched and it could not be helped. 

There were parts about their personalities only the other could understand; and in contrary to Erwin Petra had shown an amount of reliability that Erwin would probably never offer to him, no matter what happened. She knew what she wanted. And even though she was caught in the arms of her family, she was tirelessly searching for a possibility to open the lock of the cage that kept her. She wanted to step out and live while Erwin’s decision had marked the complete opposite. And compared to him she offered the grief over her destiny to the whole world, while Erwin had decided to suffer in silence. There was honesty inherent in her that Levi appreciated very much. How could the world become a better place to live if nobody dared to say what was wrong? She was hungry for change and he saw it whenever he looked at her. He saw it in her eyes, whenever she addressed him; in her kindness and her sharp mind. He felt confident when he was with her. And the fact that she was always approaching him as well confirmed him in his suspicion that she secretly might feel the same. 

“Dr. Ackerman?”

Petra had stopped and Levi followed her example. Her voice showed a certain hope that made Levi think that he had not been the only one with this kind of thoughts. With huge eyes and furrowed brows she stood in the darkness and stared at him, her lips slightly opened in uneasiness. He felt as if he could hear her heart beating nervously. Silently his eyes wandered over her face. Truly, they really got along; and both, in the end, were all alone in this world. Levi knew that the others were secretly talking about them behind their back. Everybody was thinking that even though they might not make a good pair of lovers, they could be a presentable married couple. It would be a marriage that was strengthened by the urge that they offered each other hold and protection, just like they had done it during the past few weeks. 

But his heart – his heart said no.

“We should hurry up and go home”, he began and let his arms sink, “before your uncle notices something.” He turned to go, but before he could make even one step forward, someone grabbed his wrist and held him back. Suddenly his heartbeat accelerated as well. Slowly he turned around. Petra stood right behind him, her gaze lowered. Strands of reddish hair covered her face. Her breath was trembling in excitement. 

“Miss Ral”, Levi whispered uncertainly. Unsure how he should deal with this situation, he looked back and forth between her face and his wrist. “Won’t you let me go?”

“I”, she gasped, before she interrupted herself, obviously searching for the right words. “I just wished you could stay a little longer in London.” Her voice equalled a whisper, mixed with the desperation of a woman who knew that she would be all alone once her only companion would have left her.

“I think this is something that cannot be changed”, Levi answered softly. He raised his brows and looked at her. They remained this way until Petra eventually realised that Levi did not plan to proceed, causing her to grip his wrist even harder. A trembling took over her limbs. And the longer they stood there like this, the more Levi understood what she had secretly expected him to do. “You will certainly find distraction before too long”, he said in a low voice and tried to smile, but it did not reach his eyes.

“That’s not it”, she whispered and her voice broke. She lowered her head. Strands of hair loosened from her plait and covered her shoulders. Suddenly there was a bitter sweetness filling the air, spreading between Levi and Petra. Levi did not know what he should do. For a mere endless time nobody dared to speak and it was Levi who in the end broke the silence.

“You thought I would propose to you, didn’t you?”, he said in dismay. She did not answer and remained motionlessly. Finally Levi placed some fingers underneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. Tears ran over her cheeks, causing the physician to sigh. She broke free from his grip and approached him; split seconds later her forehead touched Levi’s shoulder and first sobs shook her slender body. Silently Levi placed his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close.

“Forgive me”, she whispered, her voice choked with tears. “You will certainly think the worst of me now.”

“Calm down”, Levi murmured, and gently pressed her closer against his body. “And leave to me what I might think of you.”

Petra nodded reluctantly, before her thin arms slung around his upper body. There they stood like this, two men lying in each other’s arms, a strange picture for all those who passed them, but Levi did not care at all. He felt as if he was holding a little sister who would drown in an instant if he let her go. Their relationship was nothing to what he had shared with Erwin and Levi knew that she was not in love with him, at least not in the old fashioned way. Her eyes were lacking the fire that could be seen in Erwin’s whenever he had looked at the physician. And still she considered marrying him. Levi could not help himself but to smile. They equalled each other in a remarkable way.

Now, where he was holding her, she lost the last bit of self-control. Without shame and most desperate she cried in his arms, until the leaden heaviness of exhaustion seemed to cover her limbs.

“I’m so sorry”, she eventually whispered with a matte voice. “I’m nothing but a fallen girl who has nothing left to lose.”

“You’re doing yourself wrong”, Levi answered, before he pushed her away from him, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. He held her face until she finally replied his gaze and then proceeded. “You saw an opportunity and wanted to take it. There is nothing bad about it. Every human being has the right to wish for some luck, Miss Ral.” The corners of his mouth twitched. He let her go and reached for her shoulders. “It would rather be a major nuisance for me if you’d done nothing of that sort, after bothering me with your sorrows for the past couple of weeks.”

His words made her smile. Silently he reached into his waistcoat pocket and took out a handkerchief, which he offered her. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and gave it back to him afterwards. Doing so, she finally appeared to calm down again. 

“You ought to know though”, she suddenly addressed him, “that everyone residing in this house had expected you to propose to me before you return to Brighthampton.”

“People are talking too much.”

“Yes, they are, indeed.” She smiled, but her eyes did not smile at all. “I’m not the one to ask what kept you from doing so, but-“

“There is nothing that kept me since marrying you was never an option in the first place during my entire stay here, Miss Ral”, he interrupted her. He had hardly finished his sentence when he regretted his words since they sounded more intense than intended. Visibly embarrassed Petra lowered her gaze and folded her arms in front of her chest. Levi silently pressed his lips together. He had not wanted to hurt her. For a while nobody of them said a word, when suddenly Levi raised his voice again.

“Say”, he began and furrowed his brows, “if there was one person you could change places with, who would that be?” 

Petra raised her brows in surprise. She thoughtfully rubbed her neck with her hand. 

“Well, if you put it this way”, she murmured after a few seconds, “then probably with Miss Zoe.”

“Why?”

“Well, Miss Zoe lives alone and as she likes - even though nobody knows how she makes herself a living. There is nobody who can tell her what to do and what not to do, even though I don’t know the price she had to pay in order to gain this freedom. But, as you know”, said Petra with a soft voice, “she’s her own master. At least it seems so.”

“If you married me”, Levi continued her thought, “would this be the life you are longing for so much?”

She remained still. She found herself unable to answer him, apparently embarrassed over the fact that he had looked through her motives that fast. 

“What you need is a fortune”, he proceeded. “Not the financial dependency on me. You would go from one cage to another if you would marry me.” The physician sighed and looked up in the starlit sky. “It’s not like I have not thought about this myself, Miss Ral, but-“ 

“But your heart belongs to Commander Smith.”

Considering her words, Levi solidified. His eyes widened in surprise. He stared at the lady who replied his gaze most unmoved. There was something about her way of talking that indicated that she had known about this for longer than Levi wished. How long had she had this suspicion? Had they acted in such an obvious manner? Levi bit his bottom lip and struggled before he answered.

“Yes”, he said seriously and tried to suppress the pain in his voice. He cleared his throat. “I could hardly live up to your expectations, Madame.”

“Dr. Ackerman.” Sadly, Petra shook her head and looked to the ground. “I’m widowed and impoverished. Neither a fortune nor a good wedding are things I can expect in this life. Once my uncle dies I will end in a workhouse. Day by day I live with this knowledge. That you might not meet my expectations is, as you might see, indeed my smallest problem.”

They gazed at each other, but Levi let her go and turned away.

“I’m very sorry”, he said in a low voice, “but there is no way you could become happy with me, Miss Ral.”

With these words he marked the end of their conversation. They remained in silence, until Petra showed her typical smile and turned to go.

“We should go back”, she said in a way as if this conversation had never taken place. “I’m sure my uncle will already be looking for us.”

She did not wait for an answer. Instead she led the way and Levi followed her with a tired expression on his face. This evening had taken a turn he had not seen coming. And even though he felt certain considering his decision, he could barely gather a clear thought. He liked her, even felt something similar to pity for her. The thought alone that she could end in a workhouse saddened him. And still he did not want to become something for her that she did not truly want anyway. Once their honeymoon was over she would soon realise that the decision to marry him had been the wrong one. She deserved better. If there was only a possibility to help her without the need to marry, Levi would do it right away. 

Suddenly realization hit him as hard as thunder. His steps faded in the darkness when he stopped walking. Petra, who soon noticed that nobody was following her anymore, turned around and looked at him.

“Dr. Ackerman?”, he asked nervously and their gazes met. It was the moment when an amused laugh left Levi’s throat. All of a sudden everything appeared so easy and obvious. 

“Miss Ral”, he began and stepped closer to her, “do you have any interest in medicine?”

Visibly surprised she raised her brows.

“I do”, she answered reluctantly, “inter alia. Why do you ask?”

“I think I might have found a solution for your problems”, he said and started to smile, “provided your family won’t object my offer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will keep it short here from now on. As usual, spoiler pics (as momtaku used to call them, haha) have been added to dr. ackerman's blog. 
> 
> I developed the tendency to write too much into these little fields, so I will take most of it and put it into an own tumblr post. I was already thinking about whether it would be a good idea to keep you guys updated with what's going on behind the scenes, so yeah. You will find these posts on my tumblr blog (http://herrkirschbaum.tumblr.com). 
> 
> So many people have participated in the giveaway! I'm stunned. I will pick the winners within this weekend and contact them. :)
> 
> As usual my top moments:  
> 1\. Levi talking in a very casual manner to Petra to calm her down.  
> 2\. Levi being an insensitive INTJ without wanting to be so.  
> 3\. The atmosphere - it felt very lighthearted until the end.  
> 4\. The short meeting between Levi and Kenny <3
> 
> So. I'll go now and write that blog article, so it will be up when I push the "post"-button here. I'll meet you in two weeks! Oh, also, there is one more thing - I'm a super curious person and right now I'm collecting the countries from my readers. A list so far can be found here:  
> http://herrkirschbaum.tumblr.com/post/156164330842/herrkirschbaums-readers-around-the-world
> 
> If you can't find yourself on that list, feel free to add your country! I need to go couchsurfing one day, haha... Couchsurfing around the world. 
> 
> Take care guys!  
> HerrKirschbaum


	21. An unexpected turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No OST this week, I'm sorry. But if you would like to listen to some music I can recommend this playlist:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/1198499127/playlist/3iUNhianDSeeD7znOvgbGZ

Luckily when Petra and Levi arrived back at the Middletons’ estate nobody had noticed their disappearance so far. It would remain their little secret, something, that would keep them connected even though their ways would part one day. The memories of this night they were timeless and precious.

During breakfast on the following morning Levi asked Mr. Middleton for a conversation in private, something that hushed everyone present in an instant, even causing Hange to choke on her tea. While the poor lady was still coughing desperately, Mr. Middleton granted Levi his wish. Once he had gained this agreement, Levi, who had never been a man of many words or even a passionate eater, remained sitting at the table silently while he kept thinking about how he should address his host once they were alone. He knew that he had only this one chance. The way how he formulated his sentences could be already enough to seal Mr. Middleton’s decision. 

And now he was standing in the middle of Mr. Middleton’s office, a room that had been cluttered with books and manuscripts of every sort up underneath the ceiling. Every piece of furniture, every book was covered by a thin layer of dust and the tiny window which’s glass was matte and dirty as well, could hardly illuminate the chamber. Levi suspected this to be Mr. Middleton’s secret hiding place, where, considering the layer of dust that surrounded them, would allow nobody but himself.

Levi was only standing a few centimeters away from the huge desk, staring thoughtfully but concentrated at the tabletop while he spoke. His simplistic gestures underlined his words. He spoke for a very long while and carefully illustrated every little detail of his plan.

“Therefore I come to the conclusion”, he finally ended his speech, “that it would be the best solution for everyone involved if you would allow Miss Ral to accompany me to Brighthampton so that she can assist me in my daily work.” The physician cleared his throat before he let his hands sink. It could not be seen, but his heart was beating heavily, due to the thick and heavy tension that filled the air since they had closed the door behind them. Levi knew that what he just said was not what Mr. Middleton had hoped him to ask. “Eren will move to Oxford to finish his education before too long and Miss Ral had mentioned her uneasiness considering her current situation towards me more than just once, also the sorrows that are obviously interwoven with her future. She loves freedom more than anyone else I know, maybe even more than Miss Zoe, and a marriage is, at least I think so, nothing that could satisfy her needs. I am fully aware of the fact that this request must sound quite unusual or even pretentious in your ears, but-“

“Dr. Ackerman”, Mr. Middleton suddenly interrupted the physician, causing him to hold it for a second. 

“Sir?”

“I think I’ve heard enough.”

Levi’s opposite took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few moments. His voice sounded like the voice of a man who had to concentrate in order not to show what he was truly thinking and therefore he avoided it to look at Levi directly. Instead he slowly got up, while his hands still rested on the tabletop. When he finally looked over to Levi and their eyes met the hope Levi had carried in his heart died away within split seconds. And still – giving up was no option for him. 

“Mr. Middleton”, he raised his voice, “I-“

“I said I’ve heard enough.”

Levi bit his bottom lip before he clenched his hands to fists. Motionlessly he replied the gaze of the other, in whose eyes he could easily recognize hidden anger and outrage over his request. For a moment they remained like this, both filled with so much determination that the air slowly started to taste stale and sour, then, after a while, Mr. Middleton turned away and stepped over to the window. With both hands he supported himself on the window sill and looked outside. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, his voice cut the incredibly tense silence, trembling. Silently Levi lowered his gaze and folded his arms in front of his chest. “How can you even dare to face me with such impertinence? Due to the recommendation of my sister in law I welcomed you to my home. I thought of you as a mature, rational and intelligent man who knows about his place in this society – and moreover approves it. And this is the gratitude I earn for my generosity in return?”

“Sir”, Levi replied harshly, since he would not leave the victory to his host that easily. It was something he could not and did not want to do. He had given Petra a promise and he was willed to keep it. Furthermore Mr. Middleton seemed to have misunderstood his intentions entirely and Levi wanted to make sure that there would not be any uncertainties before the other made his final decision, “it has never been my intention to insult you, yet-“

“You had your time, Dr. Ackerman, and you used it quite well”, Mr. Middleton interrupted him once more and whirled around. With every word that left his lips his voice grew louder. “Even though I certainly understand your noble motives you might know yourself that this whole matter is more than abstruse. My niece shall accompany you to Brighthampton and assist you as your helper? Just like this? She shall share the house with a man she is neither related to by blood or marriage?” The man laughed bitterly and Levi tried to ignore the anger that spread in his stomach afterwards. “That might be something usual in certain social classes, but not in ours! Even though you know about what that child has been through during the past couple of years you keep feeding her wishes and hopes and furthermore possess the boldness to ask me for my blessing as if this was nothing but a mere formality?!”

“Mr. Middleton.”

“Enough! You will let me talk now, Dr. Ackerman. And you will listen carefully to what I’ll have to tell you.” The way in which he addressed Levi made him shiver. “Do you really think that I am not aware of the risks that accompany your profession? And do you really think that I will allow it that Petra gets in contact with disease and infirmity?” Mr. Middleton clicked his tongue. “It’s only a matter of time until she is accidentally infected by some patient of yours. She’s not as robust and strong as we are, don’t forget about that. She’s a girl after all. Who shall take care of her if she gets sick? She has no securities if she accompanies you like this to Brighthampton. And here you stand, asking me to turn her into a fallen girl by choice? If you want to live with her have the courage and take her as your wife. Take responsibility for your actions and wishes, Dr. Ackerman.” With this emotional outburst the man’s anger seemed to fade. He let his shoulders sink and sighed. When he continued with his speech, he sounded way calmer than before and Levi, who had motionlessly listened to every of his words, was secretly very relieved about this. “Apart from that this concubinage you are asking me for would ruin her family’s reputation. My own daughters would hardly have a chance to marry well.” Reluctantly Mr. Middleton shook his head before he loosened his hands from the windowsill and returned to his desk. 

“Sir, I strongly disagree”, Levi once more dared to speak and his voice sounded even more determined than before. The urgency of this matter was reflected by every of his gestures, in every of his words. And so he himself stepped closer to the table as well and supported himself with flat hands. His eyes sparkled in anger. “My request has not at all been caused by the attempt to avoid any responsibility”, he said and tried to hide his fury, “and I refuse to tolerate such accusations. It is Miss Ral’s very own wish to do so and I act in her name. She is not like the ladies from the high society you compare her to, not at all! Whenever she addressed me this was everything she could talk about. She is longing for freedom with every fiber of her body, she-“

As if the physician had crossed an invisible border Mr. Middleton suddenly slammed his hand on the table so heavily that it left Levi speechless. 

“Don’t you think I am aware of this?”, he hissed between clenched teeth. “It was her longing for freedom that brought her to London. She might be struggling with her destiny yet, but in a long term she will certainly come to ease with her position in this society. Only because there might be the one or another special path for certain family members, this does not apply to everybody. Tell me one thing, Dr. Ackerman.”

The physician, who now slowly straightened up and folded his arms, raised his brows. 

“What is it, Sir?”

“Do you have a family?”

For a moment Levi hesitated, uncertain why Mr. Middleton was asking him such a question. In the end, he snorted bitterly and shook his head. 

“Not anymore.”

“How about young Mr. Jaeger?”

“He is living with me and pays with his work for the expenses he causes.”

“I see”, Mr. Middleton said thoughtfully and nodded, “I expected him to be your son or nephew, even though the different family names sure were suspicious.”

“It’s nothing of that sort.”

“I understand.”

Mr. Middleton folded his arms on his back and fell silent. His brows furrowed he was apparently looking for the right words. In the end he once more searched for Levi’s gaze and proceeded.

“Dr. Ackerman”, he began and suddenly his voice sounded a lot softer than before, “see – there is only one thing a girl in Petra’s age can rely on nowadays, and that is her family. Her family provides her the protection she needs to survive in this dangerous world. It is a mutual taking and giving. She came to us when she was in misery – and therefore she will do what will be the best for her – and for us from a long term point of view. She comes from a very considerable family, did you know that? My sister in law might have managed it to withdraw herself from the family duties, but this does not mean that I will tolerate this once more. Even my liberality is not endless, Dr. Ackerman. And as long as Petra is under my wings she will walk the path that is appropriate for a young lady her age and upbringing. She will remarry as fast as possible. There is no way that she will end up dirtying her hands as your assistance, have I made myself clear?”

For a while Levi did not say anything. Everything about Mr. Middleton, the way he eyed him as well as his determined facial expression testified Levi that this man would not change his mind. He felt as if someone filled his stomach with lead and slowly he realized that, no matter how much he struggled, he would not leave this room as a winner. He lowered his gaze before he addressed Mr. Middleton for the last time. 

“There is nothing I could say to make you change your opinion, I suppose”, he remarked silently and not without bitterness in his voice. The other nodded. 

“No”, he answered severely. “Apart from that you have insulted me and this family in every imaginable way. I should throw you out of my house – but I understand your intentions too well as if I could to this so easily.” He sighed and thoughtfully led his fingertips over the tabletop surface, gently touching letters and notes that scattered the desk. “I also wish that she will become happy one day, Dr. Ackerman. But I am not the one who sets the rules in this society. And you know about the consequences that would strike this family if we opposed. Sometimes it is wiser to play along, even though the price might seem too high.”

“This is something I cannot agree with”, Levi replied coldly and shifted his hands in his pockets. “There was no self-denying needed to get me where I am standing now.”

“Well, then you were very lucky.” A thin smile, tired by age, showed on Mr. Middleton’s lips. “And I am truly happy for you. But do not forget that this is a privileged life you are living there, Dr. Ackerman.”

“How could I ever forget that?”

They fell silent and Levi, whose heart was still beating heavily, slowly calmed down. Without saying a word he watched Mr. Middleton, who suddenly appeared much older and more tired than when Levi had arrived in this house. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, he suddenly began and once more sat down on his leather chair afterwards. “When you told me earlier that you want to talk to me, I-“

“You thought I would ask for your blessing, am I right?”, Levi said with a low voice and a suggested smile. 

“Yes, indeed.” The other nodded without looking at Levi. “And I would have not hesitated to give it to you. Some people may consider the upbringing of a person important, but I dare say that I do not mind such things at all. You are an honest, sincere man, doctor, and I believe a connection between you and my niece would have had the potential to create a solid, long lasting marriage. You complete each other in world view and temperament.”

Silently the physician pressed his lips together. What was it that everybody wanted him to take Petra as his wife? His heart was not involved in that. And after he had accused Erwin of doing exactly this – an engagement behind the other’s back – how could he go on and do the same?

Levi noticed the hope in Mr. Middleton’s voice, the hope that Levi could make up his mind and change his decision, but the physician just closed his heart instead.

“Forgive me for I have taken so much of your precious time, Sir. I know you are a busy man”, Levi murmured and thereby ended this conversation. 

“Yes”, Mr. Middleton answered, whose face showed honest resignation considering Levi’s words. For a few seconds the eyes of his host rested on Levi’s face, before he could not stand it any longer and turned to go.

“Excuse me”, Levi said silently, “but there are plenty of things I need to take care of for our approaching return to Brighthampton. Thank you very much for this conversation.”

 

Once the door closed behind him he felt as if someone had taken away the weight he had been carrying on his shoulders. But the relief to have survived this conversation with Mr. Middleton disappeared in an instant, once he ran into Sophia and Fiona, who had been silently listened at the door. They started to giggle heavily, then turned on their heels and had disappeared within only a few seconds down the corridor to the staircase. Silently Levi looked after them before he shook his head in bewilderment. He shifted his hands in his pockets and turned to go, when his eyes struck something that made him hesitate. Standing at the window only a few meters away from the door that led to Mr. Middleton’s office, he discovered Hange and Eren. 

“Even you?”, the physician remarked irritated and raised his brows while the faces of the others only showed an excusing grin. One last time he let wander his gaze back and forth to make sure that he had not overseen anybody, but apart from them there were no further people to be seen. “Where is Miss Ral?”

“She left in the moment you two gentlemen started to yell at each other”, Hange replied and approached Levi. “The poorest girl was in tears.”

“And nobody went to look after her?”, Levi asked, who looked surprised about this answer. 

“No, she said she wanted to be alone”, his friend shook her head, before suddenly a mocking grin showed on her face. Before Levi could reply anything she linked her arm with his and pulled him closer. “But  _ entre nous _ ”, she proceeded and ignored Levi’s irritated expression, “I’d never trusted you to act with so much pluckiness, my dear.” She placed her hand on his upper arm and gently patted it. She fell silent for a moment, then, suddenly, her grinning faded. “But still I cannot refrain from asking you: What on earth did you expect?”

“Well, if there’s one person on earth who should understand this it’s you”, Levi growled who could not bear this amount of physical proximity to Hange right now and broke free. He was not in the mood for conversations, jokes and laughter. He had fought a war and lost. Silently he let his fingers run through his hair. Only now when he was standing in the doorway and could steal hear the echo of Mr. Middleton’s words in his ears, he noticed how much this conversation had exhausted him. “He could have given his blessing just as well”, he whispered bitterly after a few seconds of silence. “You can only know for certain if you ask.”

“Sir”, Eren suddenly joined their conversation. He stepped closer and stopped next to his foster father, “does that mean there was no marriage proposal at all?”

“Good grief, no!”, Levi burst out so heavily that his protégé jerked next to him. “And I don’t understand why it seems to be the only desire of everybody I know to see me getting married.”

“I can’t believe it”, Hange sighed and shook her head in disbelief. “It’s a shame, Levi, honestly. You fit each other like a clock mechanism. Eren will be leaving for Oxford before too long and then you will be all alone and on your own.”

“I lived on my own before Eren moved into my house and I got by just fine”, Levi replied and angrily raised his hand when Hange once more raised her voice, “for heaven’s sake, four-eyes, for one single time in my life spare me your efforts, I beg you.”

Without waiting for an answer he turned away and walked down the hallway. He could hear the others following him. When they reached the staircase he once more addressed them.

“How far are you with the preparations, by the way?”, he asked without stopping. Eren walked right next to him. 

“We are as good as done, Sir”, he replied, “All the things I considered dispensable have already been stowed away in the trunks.”

“Well done, Eren”, said Levi whose voice now sounded softer, causing the boy to smile. 

“Thank you, Sir”, he replied and jerked once more when Hange cleared her throat behind him. Eren pulled a wry face and gave his foster father an apologizing look. “Apart from that Miss Zoe longs to know whether there is some space left in our trunks for her books.”

“In no case”, Levi replied right away and noticed sounds of outrage behind him. 

“Levi, don’t be like this”, she moaned behind him, “be so kind and do your dearest friend and patron a small favor.”

“I must have missed that my trunks have become a shelter for junk of all sorts”, Levi played her down and pulled a face in open displeasure when she approached him and looked at him with huge, brown deer-like eyes. 

“Levi, please.” With every syllable her voice sounded more insisting. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “You have no idea how happy you would make me.”

Their eyes met and after they had stared at each other like this for a while Levi broke free with a dismissive attitude. 

“For all I care, fine”, he growled, “but only this one time.”

He had barely finished his sentence when she started to smile a broad smile. 

“Thank you my dear”, she laughed and reached for his shoulders before she shook him in gushing friendship, “you will certainly not regret your decision.”

“We will see”, Levi replied, who had seen almost everything during the long years of their friendship, “how many are you intending to take with you?”

“Oh, not many, not many”, she said and finally let him go. She placed a finger on her chin and thoughtfully looked up at the ceiling. “The complete edition of Newton’s works, furthermore some useful supplemental scripts of Linnaeus – Jeffrey has a more comprehensive stock of books when it comes to botanic issues. Apart from that of course English philosophy.” She laughed. “Sometimes you miss the wood for the trees if you only concentrate on your own subjects, don’t you agree? Humes, Locke, Bentham – and let’s not forget Hartley and Smith.”

The physician snorted.

“I seriously doubt that I can provide all these gentlemen a place in my trunks, Hange”, he replied drily and folded his arms in front of his chest. She raised her hands in a mollifying manner. 

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll find a solution somehow. Otherwise I have already thought up something.” And with these words she started to rant about various theories and concepts how to stow her lecture for the upcoming years in Levi’s trunks and finally at the stagecoach. Levi, whose hand had rested on the banisters, only listened to her words half-heartedly and his gaze, which had been wandering back and forth between his companions, again and again wandered over to the stairs. 

“Hange”, he finally interrupted his friend’s speech, causing her to stop. “I’m sure it will be fine in the end, but I must go and look after Miss Ral now.”

 

She was not in her room and not in the library and also in the salon he could not find her. Even on the stairs where he had met her once, crying, she could not be seen. And after he had searched every possible corner of this house, after he had even visited the servant’s quarters, Levi had stopped his search visibly disappointed and decided to go back to his room. Petra had, according to his intuition, probably left the house to stroll around until she had calmed down. Sooner or later, and he was quite sure about that, she would return.

He opened the door and entered the room he shared with Eren only to solidify once he had stepped over the door sill. His eyes widened in silent surprise before a gentle smile showed on his lips. On his bed sat no one else but Petra. Her slender hands rested in her lap while her hair that had only been tied together by a light blue ribbon fell over her shoulders like silk. 

“Miss Ral”, he said with tender blame in his voice. Silently he looked at her and finally furrowed his brows when he noticed that the paper box that usually held Erwin’s cravat stood next to her at the bedside table. It was open; the cloth itself rested in her hands. Again and again her fingers gently caressed the white fabric. 

“It is so beautiful”, she whispered and silently eyed Erwin’s golden initials that had once been embroidered in the middle of it. She tried to smile but it did not reach her eyes. “Commander Smith must be very fond of you.”

Suddenly a certain melancholy appeared in Levi’s gaze. He closed the door behind him and stepped closer to Petra. 

“All this has no meaning anymore, Miss Ral”, he murmured and carefully took the cravat away from her. Without saying a word he sat down next to her and heedfully stowed it away in the little flower patterned box. “He will marry Miss Wedgewood and not meet me ever again. I had to promise to Lieutenant Zacharias that our paths shall part from now on.” Deep inside Levi could still not understand that unexpected turn the ball had taken. And he remembered Erwin’s words; words that told him that there would not be a shared future for them. Not here. Not now. 

Without noticing it a sad sigh left his throat. He looked at the box, turned it back and forth between his fingers. For a while nobody dared to say a word. 

“My uncle has declined your request, I suppose”, Petra finally broke the depressed silence as if she already knew the answer. Levi nodded. 

“Yes.”

Once more she smiled and once more it only showed on her lips.

“To be honest”, she sighed, “it’s not like I had expected him to agree.” She raised her head and both exchanged a long, trusting gaze. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Dr. Ackerman.”

“Don’t mention it”, Levi replied and looked over to the opposing wall. Petra did the same. 

“Will you write me letters?”, she asked eventually.

“Certainly.”

“I should come and visit you one day.”

“Only if you promise me to leave your cousins in London.”

Both laughed and the sadness that had filled Levi for the past few days faded a little. Silently he eyed the girl from the corners of his eyes and suddenly his heart felt heavy considering the approaching departure. Petra now moved closer to him and leaned her head against his shoulder. Afterwards she reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly before she interlaced their fingers. 

“Dr. Ackerman?”, she whispered.

“Yes?”

“I knew it right away.”

“What did you know right away?”, Levi could hear himself ask and raised his brows. 

“About you and Commander Smith.” She hesitated, as if she was searching for the right words to express her feelings. “The evening we spent at Mr. Dawk’s estate – I was standing close by when Commander Smith entered the salon and discovered you. The way you gazed at him and he at you – it was utterly obvious how much you cared for each other, no matter what had happened between you before his departure.” She nodded reluctantly and gently let her thumb slide over Levi’s skin. “I have loved my husband in the same way; and when he died I was certain that my grief would cause me to follow him before too long. My heart shattered into thousands of pieces. Only to know that you love each other but cannot be together for some reason can be worse than this. It is not legit. I don’t care what other people say, no matter if society, the church or anyone else – we are not the ones to decide what is good and right. Only god alone can do this. And nobody shall separate what belongs together.”

She spoke quite silently but with every word that left her lips the outrage in her voice increased. Levi could not help himself but to stare at her with a blank face, before he finally bit his bottom lip and lowered his gaze. Without replying anything he tried to silence the emotions that filled his chest due to her words. The fact that someone else spoke it out loud made it feel even more real than before and once more underlined the fact that Levi had lost in every possible way. He took a deep breath, letting his head sink against hers. For a while he looked at her slender fingers, resting warm and softly in his hand and suddenly remembered the conversation with her uncle.

“If I had wanted to marry you he had given us his blessings”, he said tonelessly. 

“Did he say that?”

“Word-for-word.”

“Oh.”

She sounded honestly surprised, but did not explain any further what she was thinking about this. Once more Levi gazed at her from the corner of his eyes.

“Are you angry with me about this?”, he asked.

“No”, she smiled and opened her mouth to proceed when Levi interrupted her. 

“It’s just”, he muttered and hesitated, “after all the things I have accused Smith of in that night – if I’d proposed to you now, I’d-“

“You would be hardly any better than him then, that’s what you want to say, I suppose?”

“Yes.”

“Well, we all must follow our hearts, Dr. Ackerman. Especially those who tend to decide with their brains. You have done more than enough for me and that you took me with you for a drink is something I shall remember until I die.” She fell silent for a moment, but the smile on her lips increased. “Whenever you look at me I feel like you are staring right into my soul and you could accept what you found there. You did not try to change me. You just appreciated me for who I am and I am so grateful for that. In the end, I tried to treat you the same.”

She squeezed his hand and so they remained like this, thoughtfully and in silent agreement, in such a harmony that Levi finally closed his eyes and dozed off. Only the bursting knocking sound from the entrance door brought him back to reality. He as well as Petra jerked, exchanging a surprised gaze due to the unwelcome noise. 

Seconds later steps sounded in the entrance hall and then, finally, a deep, sonorous male voice. The man sounded upset. Levi recognized him right away.

“Have they departed already?”, it sounded from downstairs. 

“No, Sir. They are supposed to leave this house tomorrow morning. Shall I go and announce you?”

“I ask you. I must speak to Dr. Ackerman right away. Tell him it’s urgent and cannot be delayed.”

“Dr. Ackerman”, Petra suddenly whispered next to him and appeared just as surprised as Levi felt. “That’s Lieutenant Zacharias, don’t you think so?”

The physician nodded.

“There is no doubt about that”, he said.

“I wonder what brings him here.”

“I don’t know”, the physician whispered thoughtfully and slowly raised from the bed. With furrowed brows he left the room while Petra followed him with some distance. Together they hurried down the stairs until they entered the entrance hall. One look was enough for Levi to know that he had been right. Together with the housemaid nobody but Lieutenant Mike Zacharias himself was standing not far away from the heavy wooden entrance door. When Levi and Petra entered the room Mike interrupted his conversation and turned around. Split seconds later their gazes met. 

“What can be of such high importance that you are going through all the trouble of visiting us in person, Lieutenant Zacharias?”, Levi greeted him not without the sarcasm that was so typical for him. The housemaid suggested a bow in the meantime. 

“Lieutenant Zacharias wishes to talk to you, Sir”, she said dutifully. The physician raised his hand thereby reduced her to silence. 

“Thank you, I can see perfectly well”, he said and pointed at the door to the salon. “Lieutenant Zacharias – do you want to take root over there or will you accompany us to the salon? I think I deserve an explanation for your unwished appearance here considering what we have discussed after the ball.”

A thin, almost bitter smile showed on Mike’s lips. 

“You may be right about that, Dr. Ackerman”, was everything he answered before he followed Levi and Petra to the next room. It turned out that they were not alone. Even though Eren, who was by now certainly taking care of their luggage and departure was missing, the twins were sitting close by at the sofa, knitting, while Hange sat on the leather arm chair next to the fireplace. A book in her hands indicated that she must have been reading but by now it rested on her knees. Behind her glasses huge eyes restlessly wandered back and forth between the new arrivals and widened in surprise when she eventually discovered Mike. She opened her mouth to say something, but the fact that Mike greeted everyone with a short nod silenced her right away. 

“Please excuse my unannounced visit”, he began with a polite smile, “but the circumstances would not allow any delay.”

“Mike”, Hange replied who now placed the book on the table and stood up. Her eyes wandered over her friend’s face and the longer she looked at him the stronger grew the sorrow that was written all over her face. “What on earth has happened?”

Levi, who now started to shiver, stepped into the middle of the room and finally stopped in front of the fireplace. 

“Yes”, he agreed with his friend, “don’t make it more exciting than necessary, Zacharias, and tell us.”

Mike hesitated for a second, silently eying Levi as well as Hange, just, as if he was not certain how to present his request. After endless seconds of silence he sighed. 

“I’m visiting you in Commander Smith’s name.” That was all he said. Levi’s stomach turned into a knot. Something was utterly wrong, it was obvious. It was the dismay with which Hange was looking at her friend; the tone and way with which Mike spoke. Levi remembered this impression on that man’s face, since he had witnessed it by himself not too long ago. The giant cleared his throat and went on. “I am Commander Smith’s second. He has been challenged to a duel this morning.”

Suddenly it turned deathly quiet. Only the crackling sound of the fire filled the air, unimpressed by the omnipresent horror that filled the room. Levi gasped for air while his heart stopped beating for a second. Silently he placed a hand on his stomach before he looked over to the others, who did not appear less scared than him. When he gazed to Mike he furrowed his brows, since he realized that, compared to the first duel, something was different. In contrary to the duel that Erwin had fought against Levi, a duel where everyone had known that Erwin’s skills exceeded Levi’s, Mike did not appear as calm as back then. A certain sorrow and nervousness filled his gaze, nervousness that transferred to Levi in split seconds. 

“Mike”, Hange now asked more determined, now stepping close to her friend from childhood days. She touched him, who had folded his arms in front of his chest, on the forearm and desperately looked up to him. “How could this happen? What circumstances led to this?”

“Forgive me, Hange”, Mike sighed silently and placed her hands in his. He gently pressed them before he let her go. Honest regret was written all over his face, “but Erwin made me promise not to talk about this to anyone but Dr. Ackerman.”

Both looked at each other and even though Hange did not give up right away she soon realized that the bond of brotherly companionship that could be seen amongst men from time to time was something she would never gain in her life, not even as the emancipated lady that she was. For a second she looked angry and Levi was not sure if he could not see tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes, before she slowly, bitter, almost resigned, lowered her gaze. Silently she turned away from Mike and Levi, who had witnessed all of this from his place in front of the fire, and sighed tonelessly. Even though he appeared calm, his heart was beating heavily. 

“What has this got to do with me?”, he asked with a cracking voice and needed to clear his throat to keep its strength. “We had promised each other to live separate lives. And now, only days after this discussion, you possess the impertinence to visit me as if nothing of this has ever happened?”

“It is Commander Smith’s most urgent wish that a physician will be witnessing the duel”, Mike replied, whose calmness could not be harmed by Levi’s open hostility, with a steady voice. “He hopes that you might have the kindness to take care of this matter, only provided of course that you are agreeing with his request.”

With a blank face Levi stared at the other. Seconds later, his hands clenched into fists. If he accompanied him now everything would break loose again. All these memories of the past weeks and months, the emotional wounds of this night, all the things they had been hunting him the entire time, they would gain back their power over him. He had just reached the point to reluctantly accept his fate to an extend that allowed him to return to Brighthampton without the bitter taste of regret and now he should just throw this all way? 

Levi shook his head and stepped back. No. He was not capable of doing that. He did not want to. He had reached the point where every reminder of Commander Smith was too much to deal with. Levi, who could not stand the stare of the other, slowly lowered his gaze. 

“I don’t know how he has managed it again to get himself into such a poor situation”, Levi began and his voice sounded as cold as ice, “but Commander Smith’s business is no longer my business, Lieutenant Zacharias. You were present when this decision was made, I there is no need to tell you about the details.” Without wasting any further look at him, he turned to go. “London is stuffed with capable physicians. It will be easy to find an appropriate representative for me. Have a good day, Lieutenant Zacharias.”

With rapid movements he went towards the door, passing Hange, Petra and finally Mike, but before he could reach out for the door knob, Mike pushed himself with all his strength between the physician and the door. A surprised gasp left Levi’s throat, who had not expected so much physical extension of the huge man. Once more their eyes met. Sincere and filled with determination Mike’s gaze rested on him, testifying that he would not leave before Levi had agreed to grant Erwin his wish. 

“I beg you”, Mike whispered so seriously that it made Levi shiver. “Reconsider your decision. Things have changed.”

“Have changed?”, Levi whispered and raised his brows. “What do you mean?”

“This is something we cannot talk about here”, the soldier replied with a volatile look to the present ladies, grabbing Levi on both his shoulders. “But you may ask Commander Smith yourself once we have reached his estate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite lazy but my beta isn't, therefore I'm going to upload this chapter this evening already. There s not much going on about this chapter this week, so there won't be an additional comment on Tumblr. It's by the way very interesting to see that the amount of comments I receive and the amount of drama that a chapter contains seem to correlate proportionally. Very interesting. As usual thank you everyone for commenting and kudo-ing (is this even a word?). I did some math and got this:  
> 1% of you bookmarked this fic.  
> 8% left a kudo.  
> 5% left a comment (but there are people who comment on every chapter, so that might not be correct). 
> 
> Either leaves the suspicion that the rest of you didn't like it. Or that there are people who read chapters like 100 times. Or that you are not so much into talking. Or you are shy, haha. Still, though, I'm super curious who my readers are and therefore every sign of life is highly appreciated :3
> 
> (I love data.)
> 
>  
> 
> Like every week, have a list of things I liked very much:
> 
> 1\. Mr. Middleton loosing it.  
> 2\. Levi calling somebody 'Sir' for the first time in the entire novel.  
> 3\. Hange's monologue.  
> 4\. The way Petra talked about her husband and thanked Levi.  
> 5\. "Thank you, I can see perfectly well."  
> 6\. Hange lowering her gaze, realising that no matter how much she will struggle she will never be equal to a man. That breaks my heart every time i read it.  
> 7\. Mike who almost destroys the door with his urge to save his best friend haha 
> 
> AND LAST BUT LEAST:
> 
> 8\. The reaction of everyone when Levi said he wanted to talk to Mr. Middleton in private and everybody expected a proposal. HAVE A BONUS VIDEO FOR THIS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyJBPfQv1wQ
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, have a nice weekend and see you in two weeks! Hopefully with a little more screentime for the cute blonde Commander ;)


	22. The last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No OST today :)

Following his conversation with Lieutenant Zacharias Levi had cancelled his return to Brighthampton for the following day. Eren and Hange followed his example without hesitation, since they just longed as much as he did to know what would be the fate  of Commander Erwin Smith. About half an hour after Mike had asked Levi to reconsider his decision the physician had – one small bag with personal items in the one, his doctor’s bag in the other hand – boarded the carriage that would bring him back to the Smith estate, accompanied by the silent lieutenant. 

During their ride nobody had even  uttered one word. His lips pressed to a thin line Levi had stared out of the window knowing that nothing he could ask his companion would change the situation they saw themselves confronted with. And whenever he looked over to Mike he discovered the calm, severe expression that showed Levi that there was nothing good about those things to come. 

As on the night of the first ball the carriage stopped after  an endless ride in front of the main entrance. Once his feet touched the ground Levi solidified. Again and again he let his gaze nervously wander around, his fingers clenching around the grip of his bags, while  he ,  not knowing what to expect, could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. How on earth had Erwin once more managed it to maneuver himself into such a terrible situation? Levi had a vague feeling what could have happened but did not dare to believe his intuition.

Silently he watched the estate. It appeared even more intimidating during broad daylight.

“Dr. Ackerman, follow me”, Mike’s voice sounded behind him impatiently. The physician nodded and together they hurried upstairs where they entered the building. Now,  when the huge entrance hall was not illuminated by thousands of candles, it appeared dark and empty. Cold, almost moist air filled Levi’s lungs when they stopped and waited for the housemaid that was already hurrying towards them with clicking steps. 

“Good day Lieutenant Zacharias”, she greeted the taller one and bowed in front of him before she addressed Levi in the same manner. “Good day Sir.”

“We are looking for Commander Smith”, Mike said short-tempered and the girl nodded. 

“He is currently in his premises, Sir”, she answered and pointed with her fingers towards the stairs. “I will bring you there.”

“Don’t bother”, Mike answered and gave her a polite smile. “I’m quite familiar with this building as you know.”

He  gestured the physician to follow him and together they hurried upstairs, passed the door to the smoker’s lounge and followed the spacious hallway until they finally stopped in front of a huge wing door made from dark oak wood. When Mike raised his hand and knocked Levi stopped breathing for a second. He unconsciously reached for his cravat and adjusted it when Mike already opened the door and entered. Silently Levi followed him inside, hidden behind Mike’s huge body. 

“I’m terribly sorry it took so long, Erwin”, Mike began, “but I returned as fast as the circumstances allowed it.”

“Thank you very much, Mike”, a second voice sounded in the background, matte due to sorrow and grief, causing Levi’s eyes to widen in excitement. “What did Dr. Ackerman say?”

Mike did not answer. Instead he looked over his shoulder to the physician who was still standing right behind him, realizing that he himself was blocking the sight to the new arrival leading him to step aside. 

“Maybe you should ask him yourself”, he said laconic and could not refrain from grinning. Levi, who could now finally see where he had been led to, quickly looked around. They stood in the middle of an extensive, wood paneled living room. The walls to his right were fully covered with huge book shelves, while to his left windows of several feet  high provided the necessary light. Opposing him in about ten yards distance there was a huge marble fireplace, on which’s cornice someone had once placed a golden, skillfully decorated clock from the 18 th century. Above it there was a painting of the roaring see. In front of it, between Levi and the fireplace, someone had arranged a sofa and several armchairs around a small side table. On the right side Levi discovered Nanaba. She was sitting in one of the armchairs, pale as a ghost, her face white as paper while her eyes shimmered reddish. Her slender  fingers trembled and clenched around a white lace handkerchief. Next to her, sitting on the sofa, his eyes almost piercing Levi, there was nobody but Erwin Smith himself. He sat slightly bend forward, supporting his elbows on his knees. The blue tailcoat was lying next to him on the padding. Just like his friend Mike the sorrow about today’s developments was written all over his face.

“I hope you have a good explanation for this mess”, Levi muttered who, even though he sounded angry, could not loosen his eyes from the blonde commander, finally folding his arms in front of his chest after placing his baggage next to him. But only a thin smile showed on Erwin’s lips. He shook his head in silent relief before he reached out and took Nanaba’s hand, squeezing it gently afterwards. 

“Thank you for coming here”, he said towards Levi. The physician only snorted, pointing with a volatile nod in Mike’s direction. 

“Did I have a choice?”, he answered with furrowed brows. “He would have knocked me out and carried me here if the situation had demanded so.” The physician looked over to Mike; an expression was showing on his face that clearly indicated Levi that his suggestion was not far from the truth. “I therefore preferred it to accompany him voluntarily, even though there are truly enough other physicians in London  whom you could bother with your entanglements. I had to cancel my return to Brighthampton due to  these inconveniences, Smith.”

The smile on the blonde man’s face weakened. Silently he raised his brows and eyed the physician for an endless amount of time, obviously uncertain what the appearance of the physician would mean in the end.

“I will of course bear the financial damage I have caused you, Dr. Ackerman”, he finally replied with a low voice, searching for Levi’s gaze. The physician  returned his look in a volatile manner but was unable to stand it. Visibly embarrassed Levi lowered his gaze. 

“Don’t be stupid”, Levi muttered bitterly once he had gathered himself so far that he could raise his head and look over to Erwin, “and finally explain to me what’s the game you’re playing here? Your lieutenant would rather die than break his promise and tell me. Who challenged you to a duel and what was the reason? Why do you, now, of all time, send for me after we came to the conclusion that it would be the best if our paths parted from now on?” He actually wanted to blow off some steam but with every word his voice sounded weaker and more longing. When he finally ended he was only whispering. “Why can’t you just leave me alone, Smith?”

They stared at each other for a while, before Nanaba suddenly burst into tears.

“If I had known that he would react this way”, she struggled to say between the one and another sob, “I would have never allowed you to go there, never!”

The commander sighed before he leaned over to the lady, gently wiping away the tears from her cheeks. 

“Everything will be fine, Nanaba”, he said silently and searched for her gaze. He gave her an encouraging smile and nodded towards Mike, before he  gestured him with a wave to come closer. “Would you take care of my sister while I explain everything to Dr. Ackerman?”

The ash blonde man nodded and approached them. 

“Certainly”, he answered calmly, “I will lead her downstairs to the salon.”

One last time Erwin pressed the hand of his sister before Nanaba stood up and was accompanied by Mike, who gently held her by the shoulders, out of the room. Wordlessly Levi and Erwin watched them  walk away until the clicking sound of the door indicated that they were alone with each other from now on. Levi’s heartbeat accelerated right away, causing him to clench his hands into fists and to press his lips together. Slowly he turned around and made some steps through the room until he, who felt lost and uncertain, suddenly stopped. He could hear the sound of the crackling fire in the background, cozy and warm.

“Levi”, Erwin’s voice finally cut the silence, leaving the physician who was still facing him with his back trembling. Slowly he raised his head and turned around to the other until their gazes eventually met. “It was General Wedgewood who challenged me”, Erwin said calmly and Levi believed to hear himself gasping for air.

“General Wedgewood?”, he asked silently and raised his brows. “You were challenged by a member of the military?”

All of a sudden he understood the omnipresent sorrow of the others. Erwin nodded short-tempered and took a deep breath. 

“He’s the father of my fiancé.” He, who was still sitting on the sofa, showed a bittersweet smile. As if he could not believe himself what had happened today he shook his head. “Even though fiancé might not be the appropriate term anymore I suppose.”

“What are you twaddling there?”, Levi, who could not understand himself anymore whispered. He had expected himself to hate Erwin for everything he had done to him during the past couple of months but now where he could see him in agony he forgot his fury and silent devotion was all that remained. Erwin only snorted considering Levi’s words.

“The engagement has been broken”, he replied.

“But why?”

Deep sorrow was written all over the physician’s face. Was it because of him? Did his sudden disappearance reveal their hidden relationship to each other? But he would have heard before too long about such a scandal. Uncertain what he should believe he bit his bottom lip and stepped closer to Erwin, who replied his gaze with a blank face. 

“After the ball-“ The soldier interrupted himself. “I could not forget what you’ve said to me. And you were right. You were right all the time.” A sigh left his throat. “In order to fulfill the duties and expectancies that everyone had in me after my father’s death I had lost sight of my own desires and wishes to an extend that I believed my own misfortune to be the only chance to enable my sisters to live the life they deserve. And even though I did not believe that one would notice the resentment I felt considering my engagement with Miss Wedgewood – it appears that I was not able to fool Mike and Nanaba after all.” He tried to smile but he failed miserably. “On the morning after the ball they visited me in my apartments. And even though my sister knows very well how to find her voice I have never experienced her talking in such a determined manner.”

“What did she say?”, Levi asked under breath. 

“She said she would rather live in a workhouse than to see me sacrificing myself for her fortune. It took her quite a while but in the end she and Mike managed it to tear down the walls I had been building around myself in order to fulfill my role. So much has happened in this year, Levi.” The commander let his fingers run through his hair. “My father’s death, the financial ruin of my family, my failure as a soldier and commander – and even now my effort was good for nothing. I have hurt those who are dear and precious to me, you included, and I feel terribly sorry for this.” Levi silently watched him, unable to move or even reply anything. “On this morning they made me promise to inform General Wedgewood about the true intentions that led to the engagement and the situation my family sees itself confronted with right now.”

Once more Erwin interrupted himself. He could not sit any longer and therefore he got up and approached Levi, who, considering the sudden closeness turned away and stepped  back towards the bookshelves. 

“What has happened then?”, Levi finally asked and looked over to the other from the corners of his eyes.

“I paid General Wedgewood a visit”, Erwin replied, “and told him about the imminent  bankruptcy of my family. Furthermore about the fact that this was the only reason why I eventually decided to marry his daughter. And also that I consider the connection to his family, including my engagement with Miss Wedgewood, as a mistake towards myself I can hardly make up for.”

Levi whirled around. He could not believe what he had just heard. 

“You really are insane, Smith”, he said shaking his head while the corners of his mouth jerked in appreciation. “He was most likely not very happy to hear such things from you before his first morning coffee I suppose?”

“Of course not”, Erwin replied and started to laugh. “He became very angry. He told me that nobody has ever dared to insult his family in such a bold manner before – even though I have to confess that I have not noticed this not without the slightest sign of satisfaction.” Just the gambler that he truly was he smirked about his remark and eyed the physician, who  returned his gaze progressively stunned. “He must have seen the contentment in my eyes since one breath of air later he already had challenged me to a duel.”

“You are unable to find true happiness unless somebody is pointing his gun at you, right?”, Levi muttered tonelessly, only strengthening the smile on Erwin’s face. 

“At least it seems so”, he answered before he, just as if he had realized once more in what huge mess he had maneuvered himself with his actions, every joy disappeared from his eyes. His face turned serious. They exchanged a volatile gaze and Levi who could not bear it any longer to be so far away from the other stepped closer. 

“Just tell me one thing, Smith”, he began and with every step his voice gained insistence, “what shall happen to your sisters if something happens to you tomorrow morning? He’s a general, that’s what you’ve said.” He stopped in front of the soldier and desperately reached for his upper arms. Fear was showing in his steel grey eyes which restlessly wandered over Erwin’s face. “I saw the sorrow in all of your faces. It’s not like our duel back then in Brighthampton, it’s different, right?” He interrupted himself and searched for a clue in Erwin’s eyes that showed him that he was mistaken but he would not find anything. “He’s outclassing you considering his skills and experience, I can see it in your eyes, Smith”, he whispered. “Don’t plunge yourself and your family into misfortune. Not for some stupid ideals, not for me. What’s all of this good for if you depart this life trying to achieve your goals?”

“Levi”, Erwin interrupted him and eyed the younger one tenderly. “It’s not a decision for any ideal or a greater goal. It’s neither for my sisters, nor you. It’s a decision I made for my sake. I either gain back my freedom by fighting this duel or I shall perish doing so. Even though it might appear egoistically I am the head of this family after all – and nobody else. And the one who will make decisions about how I shall live my life is me. Not any social or financial questions, Levi, only me, even though the price I have to pay for this might be very high.”

He reached into the inner pocket of his tailcoat and took out a sealed letter which he gave to Levi afterwards. With raised brows Levi looked at the seal. It did not show the usual ‘S’ letter. In fact he did not recognise it at all. Also the envelope was entirely blank. Not a single name was written on it. 

“What’s that?”, he asked. 

“This is my last will.” Erwin waited a few seconds to let his words unfold their meaning. Levi, who stopped breathing for a second, almost desperately clenched his fingers around the paper. “I prepared the documents this morning and I want you to take care of it until the duel has been fought.”

“Me?”, Levi gasped whose voice was by now nothing but a thing whisper. The soldier nodded.

“Yes. Nobody else knows about this. If something should happen to me tomorrow morning everything that I possess by now will go to Lieutenant Zacharias. He will take care of my family’s needs. He gave me his word on this matter the morning after the ball and I trust him deeply. He will not allow that anything bad will happen to my sisters. Just make sure that they will not find out about this before it is absolutely necessary. It would only unsettle them.”

A thin smile showed on the commander’s lips, suddenly appearing like someone who was at ease with his situation and himself. And even though he could not hide his sorrow towards Levi the physician could not discover any fear. A gentleness was showing on his face that Levi had not seen on him ever before. No matter what would happen, Erwin had made up his mind and that was the most important thing. Silently Levi eyed the envelope before he placed it in the inner pocket of his tailcoat. When he raised his gaze for the next time, Erwin reached out for him. Without saying anything he tucked a strand of hair behind Levi’s ears before he gently led his fingers slid over his cheeks, down his chin, over the cravat, before his hand finally stopped resting on his neck. He then gently pulled the other closer and bent down to him until his forehead touched the physician’s. Levi, whose heart seemed to stop beating due to this unforeseeable action, lowered his gaze. His cheeks felt itchy.

“I feel as if I have placed a bet on myself”, Erwin whispered. “That I will survive this duel and that you will forgive me one day.” He hesitated for a moment and when he spoke his voice was filled with desire. “I don’t want to be separated from you, Levi.”

“But that will be the case if the duel tomorrow morning will not end for your benefit”, Levi whispered. “At least it will be like this for me.” Next to him he heard Erwin’s amused laughter before the soldier pressed his lips against Levi’s temple. 

“I only wish I had realized this earlier”, Erwin whispered against Levi’s soft skin. “But I was a prisoner. Forgive me. My feelings for you have not changed after all. I love you. I love you so much, Levi.”

“And I love you.”

Levi rather breathed the words more than speaking them. He raised his head, searching for the other’s gaze, the icy blue eyes that  haunted him since they had met for the first time. And before he knew it he had clenched his fingers into the white fabric of Erwin’s cravat and pulled him as close as he could. Foreign hands reached for his face and held him, carefully, as if one feared to break him otherwise. And even though they had never treated each other remarkably tenderly, this stormy hardship that was usually inherent  to their kiss was missing when their lips touched this time. And when they finally let each other go, Levi could feel his heartbeat in every fiber of his body. Remaining close they looked at each other. 

“You are an incurable  gambler and schmuck after all, Erwin”, he whispered not without blame, although his voice sounded soft and tender. “Yet I will not allow that you will fight this duel on your own. Tomorrow morning I will serve as your physician so better make sure you will win this bloody duel.”

The soldier smiled and once more pulled Levi close. Silently he put his arms around his shoulders, squeezing him against his chest before he buried his nose in Levi’s hair. 

“Thank you”, he whispered and endless relief filled his voice. “Thank you very much indeed.”

He breathed a kiss against Levi’s hair, before the physician as well placed his arms around Erwin’s upper body, hiding his face in his chest. They remained just like this and this one time nobody did interrupt them.

 

Levi kept the commander company until dinner was served. And even though everybody treated him with such an exquisite friendliness and politeness nobody could forget about the tense mood that filled the estate of the Smith family. Whenever Erwin tried to make a joke, whenever Nanaba tried to smile, the siblings soon lowered their gaze and fell silent. Too much was at stake  as if they could distract themselves only with conversation and faked merriness. But even though the ladies of this house saw themselves confronted with the risk of losing everything, nobody accused Erwin of acting selfish – neither face to face nor between the lines. Everybody, at least it appeared like this to Levi, was supporting the commander. It was a family that held together in hard times, just like it ought to be. 

They had not taken away the plates when one of the servants announced the arrival of the young Mr. Wedgewood, who would act as his father’s second. It was a young, slender man of about 25 years of age with dark brown hair and a pretty face but showing the same taciturn and cold way of acting Levi had witnessed back then on Miss Wedgewood. He had come in order to discuss the last few details of the approaching duel with Mike – and, to Levi’s surprise – with Erwin as well. Therefore the gentlemen disappeared soon after to the smoker’s lounge and Levi, who was only serving as a physician, remained with the ladies in the salon until he, in an unnoticed moment, sneaked back into Erwin’s apartments.

But even though he had decided to wait until Erwin returned he had fallen asleep on the sofa after hours of waiting – a book in the one hand, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows while his tailcoat was resting neatly folded next to him on the padding. 

Only when someone opened the door to the living room Levi woke up and realized in surprise that the sun had long been replaced by pitch black night. Visibly bewildered he straightened up; doing so the book slid out of his fingers and fell down with a dull sound on the carpet underneath. Startled by the unexpected presence of a second person, the new arrival hesitated. Only a single candle in his hand illuminated the room. 

“Levi?”, somebody asked with a low, hopeful voice. 

“Erwin?”

Levi raised his brows and looked over to the door, while he patted his neck with his hand. Afterwards he reached for the book and took it back. Without loosening his eyes from Erwin he closed it and stood up. Erwin, who now carefully closed the door behind him, stepped into the middle of the room. He did not appear happy about the fact that he found Levi here all on his own. 

“They’ve told me you had returned to the Middletons hours ago”, he said regretfully and Levi nodded short-tempered. 

“Yes”, he answered and gave a volatile look to the book he was still holding in his hands. “But I changed my decision when I had already stepped outside and preferred it to wait for you upstairs.” He suggested a smile. “I wouldn’t have been able to find any rest at the Middleton’s house.”

He raised his head and looked over to Erwin, who replied his gaze not without satisfaction. 

“The conversation with the young Wedgewood has taken longer than I had expected”, he began in an excusing tone before he bend down towards Levi, kissing his forehead. “If I had known that you would be waiting for me here I would have tried to speed up the preparations.”

“Don’t bother.” Levi placed the book back on the spot where he had taken it out before. He then turned around. “Could you solve eventual discrepancies?”

“Yes. The conversation was of a satisfactory result. Everything has been organized and prepared.”

With these words Erwin went over to the door that was located on the left side of the fireplace and opened it. Through the doorframe Levi could see what was supposed to be Erwin’s bedroom, only illuminated by the small candle. Levi followed him, finally stopping in the door casing. The room itself was about as big as Levi’s salon. On the left side there was a huge bed, on the right chairs, a dresser and all sorts of private bric-a-brac. The moonlight fell through huge windows and poured its milky shine over everything. Without saying anything, Erwin placed the candle on a side table, before he sat down on the edge of his bed and took off his boots. Afterwards he took a deep breath, probably for the first time during this long and exhausting day. Levi silently watched him doing so. The commander appeared endlessly tired. He now let his fingers run through his hair and finally looked over to Levi, who was leaning against the door frame three yards away from him. 

“Should I prepare you one of the guestrooms?”, he asked but the sparkling in his eyes indicated that this remark was nothing but mere politeness. The physician snorted in amusement. He departed from the wall and went over to Erwin. Silently he reached out, carefully caressing the blonde hair, until Erwin finally lowered his gaze, leaning his forehead against Levi’s chest, placing his arms around the slender hips. A thin smile on his lips, Levi watched him, let his fingers slid over the blonde hair and eventually over his neck before he leaned down and breathed a kiss against the soldier’s crest. 

“You know”, he muttered thoughtfully, “I was actually hoping that I could spend the night with you.” He carefully took Erwin’s face in his hands and forced the soldier to look at him. “Somebody should make sure that you will not run off to Brighthampton  overnight while everybody’s still asleep.”

Both exchanged a very long gaze before Erwin started to smirk. 

“Oh no”, he muttered and reached for Levi’s wrists. His eyes sparkled in the twilight. “It seems like you saw through my plan, Doctor.” His grip tightened. Provokingly he raised his brows. “What am I supposed to do with you now? I cannot let you get away with this so easily.”

With a winning smile Levi breathed a kiss against Erwin’s lips and straightened up. 

“Well, I have several ideas how we could solve this problem, Smith”, he said with a low voice and laughed when the soldier pulled him closer with a jerk, placing him on his lap. 

“I’m so glad you’re here with me”, the blonde whispered against Levi’s chest and buried his face in the dark red waistcoat fabric. 

“You’re unable to live on your own”, Levi muttered not without tender mockery in his voice. “You attract mischief just as horse shit attracts flies.”

Both laughed silently before they once more exchanged a long look in the warm candlelight until Erwin finally reached out and carefully started to loosen Levi’s cravat. Seconds later he let it drop next to him on the bedspread, pulled the physician closer and let his lips  slide gently over the soft skin, up to his chin, along the cheeks until Levi could feel the foreign breath on his very own lips. Impatiently he pulled the soldier closer and kissed him, most intimate and longing. Like two drowning people they held each other, knowing that these hours they were finally allowed to spend with each other could also be their last. It was Erwin who unbuttoned Levi’s waistcoat, stripping it from Levi’s shoulders and let it fall to ground afterwards. With skilful fingers he plucked Levi’s shirt out of his waistband and when his hands slid underneath the white fabric and eventually touched naked skin, the physician gasped for air. He hurried to pull the face over his head and let it fall until he closed his eyes with a silent sigh and granted Erwin to act as he pleased. The soldier seemed to be everywhere. He could clearly feel his hands on his upper body, his lips, his tongue, and his teeth, which, whenever they sank into the soft skin, caused Levi a moan that could hardly be heard. And even though he undressed himself he felt hotter with every piece of clothes that he got rid of. His heart was beating heavily and his breath progressively got deeper. And when Erwin finally opened the buttons of his pants, slipping his hand inside, Levi’s finger grabbed the commander’s shoulders. 

“Ah, w-wait”, he pressed through clenched teeth but before he could finish his request Erwin’s fingers had already closed around him and left him trembling. Silently he let his head sink until his forehead touched Erwin’s, biting his bottom lip when the soldier’s fingers slowly started to caress him. 

“I shall wait?”, the blonde whispered with a grin on his lips and the pressure he put on Levi strengthened. “Even though you’re almost melting between my fingers?”

“Do you really think”, the physician, who needed to concentrate in order to gather a clear thought, growled, “that I am the only one here to undress?” Foreign lips slid over his skin and made him shiver. A gave a sound of displeasure and pushed Erwin away. “I’m serious. Hurry up and strip, for heaven’s sake.”

Caused by these words the blonde hesitated in his actions and raised his head. Blue eyes almost hungrily rested on the younger. 

“Fine”, he said casually. He then grabbed Levi’s wrists, gently pushed him from his lap and pressed him into the blankets with  his back first. When he could be sure that Levi would not offer any resistance he let him go and got up, the expression of victory written all over his face. “But are you sure you can handle a naked commander, Doctor?”

“Oh good grief, just shut your mouth and do it.”

The smile on the blonde man’s face increased. He first loosened his cravat and afterwards got rid of the other garments. Every  motion was done with such a provoking slowness that Levi soon found himself on the edge of his patience. Doing so he let his gaze rest on the black haired physician who, obviously fascinated by what he could see there, was supporting himself on the mattress with his left elbow. He was not even moving when Erwin got back on the  bed with the most satisfied expression. With routine movements he took off the physician’s boots and removed the trousers afterwards, something that Levi let happen motionlessly with a beating heart and trembling breath. Thereupon Erwin gently spread his legs, eventually reaching for his thighs before he pulled him on his lap. Afterwards he leaned over the physician until their faces were on the same height. 

“Erwin”, Levi could hear himself whisper, searching for the other’s gaze, while the other  returned his look until he placed his fingers around Levi’s wrist, gently leading the physician’s hand between both their legs. Again and again he pressed his lips against Levi’s neck, slid his tongue over the hot skin until he finally breathed some words into Levi’s ear. 

“Touch us both”, he whispered, filled with desire and Levi, who silently gasped considering Erwin’s words, obeyed. While his fingers were still sliding over the soft skin, causing a trembling to take over Erwin’s body, he leaned his head to the side, once more involving the other into a kiss. They remained like this and with every passing second the restlessness that filled their bodies increased. Erwin’s breath as well went heavier, accompanied by occasional, silent sounds of joy, causing Levi’s heart to beat faster in return. With every breath the soldier approached Levi’s body, held him tight, until it finally overtook them, blowing the last clear thoughts out of their minds. Something hot and wet first moistened Levi’s finger, then his upper body but he did not notice at all. Breathing heavily he closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around the soldier, who sank down on him with a sigh of relief, remaining motionlessly after pressing one last kiss against Levi’s throat. For a while  neither of them said even one word. It was Erwin who finally broke the silence. 

“How could I run off to Brighthampton like this?”, he tiredly hummed against Levi’s neck causing the physician to laugh a silent laughter in which he reluctantly joined as well. 

 

Even though both knew too well that rest was just what they needed the most they held each other for a long time, whispering about this and that. Not knowing yet what the morning would bring  neither dared to close his eyes, since what was sleep when they could have each other?

Erwin though, who had the hardships of today written all over his face, was finally the one who fell asleep first. Secretly Levi was grateful for this. But to him, whose thoughts started to spin around whenever he closed his eyes, rest would not come. And so he kept lying silently and motionlessly next to the commander, letting his gaze wander over the sleeping face, watched him carefully, the gentle features and strands of blonde hair that had shifted into his face, loving him more with every breath he took. He wondered how many would have had the chance to see him like this, so vulnerable, so pure, while reaching out and gently tucking a strand of hair behind Erwin’s ears. He then hesitated for a few seconds, until he rolled over to the other side and stood up. Filled  with an inner restlessness he went over to the window, still naked, without taking the trouble to cover his body with a linen sheet. There was nothing he needed to hide in this room, not here, not with this man.

Silently he opened the heavy velvet curtains that darkened the room and cowered himself on the extensive windows ill. Without making any sound he pulled his legs close to his body, supporting his arms on his knees while he looked outside into the night. Thoughtfully he let his gaze wander over the landscape, the piece of garden that could be seen behind the estate, the short, well-proportioned grass and the countless shrubberies and trees, branches there were gently weighed up and down in the nightly breeze. He then looked up into the sky, where the full moon shined in such a bright manner that it almost perished the weak light of the stars. Only a few single cumuli could be seen on the black firmament. Everything was covered by the warm shine of the moon. The physician smiled since it was overwhelmingly beautiful. 

Silently the physician let his head sink against the glass and sighed, while a few strands of black hair shifted into his face. When he tucked them back behind his ears with his fingertips he gave Erwin a volatile look from the corners of his eyes. Even here at the window he could still hear the soft, regular breathing of the sleeping man. For a while he watched him carefully, until he bit his bottom lip and turned away. He felt as if someone had wrapped his chest in chains, and their pressure now drove him almost insane.

What was going to happen to him if Erwin lost his life during the duel tomorrow? Levi knew the answer. He would return to Brighthampton and take up the life he had been leading for the past ten years, since the cruelest fact about losing  a loved one was that the world would not stop revolving. The one who remained kept functioning as a human being, maybe secretly wishing that he would finally break. And one day the pain would fade, the pain that was in fact the only thing that was left of the dead and then, once this pain had faded, the remaining was all alone. If Erwin died this morning Levi would live through the years to his death in the silent certainty that his connection with Commander Smith was something that had added evidently its part to his death. Tomorrow’s opponent was a general. He was a military member of high rank; Erwin as well. Those men were skilled when it came to fighting with guns, and even though Erwin owned the reputation  of being a gifted shooter, he and Mike had appeared so worried that Levi was secretly struggling not to panic.

He loosened his gaze from the other and once more looked out of the window. Was it really the best choice to risk an early death only to remain true to oneself? Couldn’t he have gotten used to this marriage just as so many others had done before him? Levi thought of Miss Wedgewood and bitterly pressed his lips together. He remembered Erwin’s face too well, whenever she had addressed him on that night. He remembered her cold and taciturn way of acting, the lacking of every sincerity or warmth in her character. Levi shook his head. 

No, it was no good. 

The physician let his fingers run through his hair and suddenly thought of Eren and Hange, whereas a deep gratefulness filled his heart. They were the ones who had dragged him to London against his will. It was their persistence which had caused him to meet Erwin again. And Petra as well was guilty by her way of acting that things were like they were now – and not any different. With her kind, sensitive character she had somehow pushed him to forgive Erwin his departure and secretiveness. She had done so much for him without demanding anything in return. The thought alone that she would be facing an uncertain future here in London was enough to make his heart feel even heavier than before. He could not forget the fury  he had encountered from the old Mr. Middleton. Anger over the current circumstances; anger that people dared to change the world. And then there had been this silent hope that Levi would change his mind and take Petra as his wife in order to prevent her from this uncertain future. He would never forget the resignation that had filled Mr. Middleton’s eyes when he had finally understood that Levi would not ask for his blessing - at least not that kind of. He thought of Petra and the passion she showed for the things she cared about, the furious speech she had given back then in his room. Her words had touched his heart in a way he had not felt often in his life. Silently Levi watched his hand that the lady had held earlier and sighed once more. 

What should he do?

“Levi?”, a voice sounded behind him in the darkness. The physician raised his head and looked over to Erwin, whose eyes sparkled in the light of the incident moonlight. 

“Yes?”, he asked silently. His voice sounded weak. The blonde furrowed his brows and straightened up.

“Is everything alright?”

Levi could not help himself but to smile, filled with bitterness considering the situation they were in. Nothing was alright. Nothing. Everything, at least  it seemed to him this way, had been turned upside down during the past weeks and months. But would it have made a difference to address this issue? He seriously doubted that. Both of them knew too well that it did not look good.

And therefore the physician shook his head. 

“I cannot sleep”, he muttered, “that’s all.”

“An unsettled mind?”

“Kind of.” Levi hesitated for a moment and one last time looked out of the window, filled with the desire to run away. “I had a rather inconvenient discussion with Mr. Middleton right before Lieutenant Zacharias arrived this morning.”

Honest surprise showed on Erwin’s face. He sat up and eyed Levi from head to toe. 

“What happened?”, he asked silently, but Levi raised his hands in the most mollifying way.

“Nothing we should discuss right now, Erwin”, he muttered not without resignation filling his voice. “You need your rest.”

“Levi.” Both exchanged a look and Erwin’s tone made clear that he would not leave him alone until he got his answer. “Tell me. Or do you want me to rack my brains about this topic for the rest of the night?” He suggested a smile. “I will hardly be able to sleep if I know that you have something on your mind. Something apart from the duel, I suppose.”

The soldier pointed to the place next to him. Levi hesitated shortly before he finally nodded and got up. With rapid movements he crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Bend forward, his elbows supporting him on his knees, his fingers laced with each other he only gave Erwin volatile looks from the corners of his eyes. Erwin leaned back again, rolling himself on the left side, placing his head on his upper arm. He eyed the physician with so much curiosity, that he almost appeared like a little boy who was waiting for someone to tell him a  goodnight story in order to distract him from the nightmares that lingered around every corner. Levi could not help himself but to smile considering this thought. Silently he reached for Erwin’s hand and breathed a kiss against his knuckles. He then interlaced their fingers with each other. 

“Considering Miss Ral’s current situation I offered her the position to serve as my assistant”, he finally began without looking at Erwin while he spoke. “Eren will soon leave my house and I will not be able to take care of everything on my own. Therefore I asked Mr. Middleton to talk to him in private.” Levi hesitated and searched for the right words before he proceeded reluctantly. “Of course he misunderstood my intentions completely and got angry. And of course he did not give me his permission to take her with me.” The physician snorted. “It wouldn’t have surprised me if he had thrown me out of the house.”

“He was probably expecting you to propose to her”, said Erwin who had by now pulled Levi’s hand closer, tenderly caressing the soft skin of the back of his hand with his thumb. 

“Not probably – definitely”, Levi answered in the meantime. “He said it himself. If I had asked for his blessing in such affairs he would have given it to me right away.” He disbelievingly shook his head and finally clicked his tongue. “Complete nonsense, if you ask me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t get human beings at all, Erwin.”

They fell silent for a while and Erwin, whose eyes had rested on Levi the whole time, finally lowered his gaze and eyed Levi’s fingers. 

“The destiny of poor Miss Ral is certainly unfortunate”, he remarked casually and Levi shrugged. 

“She’s not the only lady in England who is facing such a situation. I’m aware of that”, Levi proceeded in the end, suddenly interrupting himself, pressing his lips to a thin line. “But she’s not like the others – not as if this would change anything. I just don’t want her to suffer, that’s all. She is one of the very few  people whose presence is not absolutely disliked by me.” Levi lowered his gaze but when he finally realized the full scope of his words he turned pale. He whirled around and searched for Erwin’s gaze, and Erwin replied his look in the calmest manner. “Don’t get me wrong”, Levi said under breath and gently squeezed Erwin’s hand. “She’s not as close to me as you are.”

Erwin smiled, obviously amused  with the things the physician racked his brains about. 

“And a marriage is not an option for you?”, he muttered thoughtfully.

“No.”

“Why?”

“What?” Levi disbelievingly raised his brows. His lips suggested an uncertain smile. “What kind of twaddle are you talking there?” Considering Levi’s quite emotional reaction the commander snorted silently. 

“What speaks against it?”, he asked, as if a marriage under such circumstances was the most natural thing on earth. He smiled gently. “Is it because she doesn’t love you? I beg you.” The sound of amusement left his throat. “Who’s marrying for love these days anyway, Doctor?”

As if struck by lightning Levi stared at Erwin, uncertain if the soldier was playing a trick on him. But Erwin’s expression remained serious and his eyes rested on him filled with silent insistence. 

“How could I propose to her?”, Levi muttered. “It was exactly what I’ve accused you of in the night of the ball.”

“The circumstances are entirely different, Levi.” Erwin cleared his throat and eventually sat up. “What I want to say is that, at least it seems like this to me, there are plenty of rational arguments that are speaking for this connection, or am I mistaken?”

“No, you’re not”, Levi replied and lowered his head. Only from time to time he looked over to Erwin from the corners of his eyes. The soldier nodded in a short-tempered manner and thoughtfully looked around, as if he was considering the pros and cons of this issue. Even though nobody was speaking neither dared to let go of the other man’s hand. 

“She would take Eren’s place in your life once the boy has left your house and she would take care of all his tasks. In return you would enable Miss Ral to live a life of freedom.” A certain melancholy showed in Erwin’s gaze while he spoke. He opened his mouth but hesitated for a moment before he proceeded. “And it would certainly ease my sorrows to know that there will be somebody who takes care of you if I cannot be with you anymore.” In silent longing he reached out and let his fingertips slide over Levi’s back. The physician shivered.

“Levi”, Erwin finally whispered insistently. “No matter how tomorrow’s duel will end – it does not change the fact that I will be send back to Spain before this year draws to an end. And only god himself knows  whether I will return to England alive one day.”

Levi felt as if the chains that had been placed around his chest were pulled tighter, taking away his breath and the last clear thoughts. The idea alone that Erwin could be harmed in Spain, the knowledge that it was their fate to be separated again before too long, cut through his soul in the most painful manner. Without noticing it his remaining hand clenched the white linen bed sheets. 

“Don’t say such things”, he asked desperately. 

“Those are the mere facts.”

“I know.” The physician reluctantly shook his head. “But I don’t want to think about this now.”

He turned around and carefully watched Erwin for a long time, trying to memorize every detail of his face, just to make sure that he would never forget it. Afterwards he reached out and let his fingers slid over his opposite’s cheek, who was clinging to every of Levi’s touches, before Erwin finally grabbed Levi’s wrist, breathing a kiss against Levi’s palms, just as back then in Brighthampton on the day he had returned to London. 

“You really care about each other, am I right? Miss Ral and you”, he whispered and Levi nodded. 

“In some strange way, certainly.” Once more he thought of their conversation that had taken place in his bedroom this afternoon. He remembered his reunion with Erwin in Nile’s salon. Had they acted in such an obvious manner back then? At least nobody seemed to have noticed apart from Miss Ral. “She knows about us”, Levi whispered eventually, “since that dinner.” 

“That is… rather unexpected”, Erwin muttered and closed his eyes when Levi’s fingers first touched his cheeks, then slid along his neck and finally stopped on his shoulders. His skin was so smooth and soft that it left a gentle itching on Levi’s fingertips. “Was she very disgusted about her discovery?”

“Not at all”, Levi replied with a smile on his lips. “In the end she was the one that made me forgive you this dreadful departure from Brighthampton. Nobody shall separate what belongs together, that’s what she said.”

“She said that herself?”

“Yes, she did.”

They exchanged an amused look. 

“Well, I owe her my acknowledgement then”, Erwin grinned and Levi nodded. 

“You do indeed, Erwin.”

They looked at each other until Erwin’s smile slowly started to fade. Once more he sat up, wrapped one arm around Levi and leaned his forehead against his shoulder. 

“Don’t make this decision dependent by me. Please, reconsider your thoughts”, he murmured against the soft skin. Levi turned around, until his eyes rested on Erwin’s crest. 

“What about you?”, he asked and gently let his fingers ran through the blonde hair. Erwin raised his head, carefully eyeing the physician for a while before he proceeded. 

“A marriage is not supposed to be for two men, Levi. And it’s just what it is – a marriage – nothing more, nothing less. It would not change anything about our feelings for each other.” He hesitated shortly, “at least not mine. And everybody involved would profit.”

Without wanting it a volatile smile appeared on the physician’s lips, now turning to Erwin, taking his face in his hands before he breathed a kiss against that man’s forehead. Afterwards he looked at him thoughtfully before he finally let him go with a sigh. 

“Well, fine then”, he said, “You are probably not mistaken with your suggestion. I will see what can be done.”

“So you will think about it one more time?”

“Yes.” Levi sighed more than speaking the word and suddenly his heart felt heavy. Everything he was wishing for was to be with this man. He wanted to walk through life by his side and see the world  through that man’s eyes. But whenever they managed it to find each other again the universe did everything in it’s power to separate them from each other  as soon as possible .

Visibly tired Erwin lay down again, spreading his arms. 

“Come here”, he said and smiled, “I want to hold you.”

Levi nodded reluctantly before did as he was told. Without any further word he snuggled against the soldier’s body and silently pulled the sheets over them. And when Erwin placed his arms around his waist, gently pulling him against Erwin’s chest, he caused Levi a quiet sound of joy. He reached for Erwin’s hand and squeezed it tightly, before foreign lips breathed a kiss against his neck. For a while they remained like this, two human beings in mutual understanding and intimacy. 

“When was the first time they sent you to Spain?”, Levi whispered eventually and closed his eyes.

“It was in spring 1809.”

“So you’ve been away from home for three years?”

“Yes, just as Lieutenant Zacharias. We were fortunate enough to belong to the same regiment, though, that’s why we could stay together.”

The physician  blinked . Tired he let his eyes wander through the darkness when he tried to imagine what kind of life Erwin must have led in Spain. 

“It must have been a terrible experience for you”, he whispered in the end. When Erwin answered he could hear the sound of the bitter smile that was showing on his lips in his voice. 

“War is hardly beautiful, Doctor.”

Levi did not answer. For a few minutes he fought against the urge to ask Erwin about every little detail of his life as a soldier since he knew that Erwin was not very fond of talking about it. But after all this time  it formed such a huge part of Erwin’s experiences, his personality, that Levi could not refrain from doing so. 

“Please tell me about it”, he breathed and Erwin, who was usually a gifted speaker fell silent for a long time. Finally, when Levi slowly started to believe that he might have fallen asleep again, his voice cut through the darkness.

“There was this little group of children, you know?”, he began and pulled Levi even closer. “They were three or four, maybe, not older than six or seven years. Even though we shared the same enemy the locals avoided us as  much as they could. They were afraid of us soldiers, just as you were once. Their children though did not mind at all. Our red uniforms and the foreign language caught their attention. In the evening hours, when the day  drew to a close, they often visited us in our camp and kept us company at the fire – or close to the kitchen tent, hoping to snitch some of the leftovers.” Erwin laughed silently. “Usually it did not take long  before their mothers joined us, in order to drag their children home. Those women really screamed blue hell. One evening though a young woman entered our camp, looking for her son. She was carrying the purchases of the whole week and so I asked her if I could be of any help.”

The physician could not refrain from grinning. 

“Even as a soldier he acts like a gentleman”, he muttered sleepily and gained Erwin’s characteristic, sincere laughter in return.

“I can’t help it.”

“You asked her in Spanish?”

“Certainly. After all these years we all had managed it to pick up the one or another phrase.” Levi nodded but stayed silent. He enjoyed the closeness and warmth of the other which he had been missing for such a long time. In the  meantime , Erwin continued his narration. “So I helped her to carry everything back home and was kindly invited for dinner in return. It was summer and the air was filled with some kind of characteristic, sweet scent, something I had never the joy of perceiving in England. After dinner we sat outside on the porch, me, the English infantry soldier, surrounded by this Spanish family. And even though it was war everything appeared so calm and  peaceful . The children surrounded me, healthy, curious little brats while the lady that had invited me for dinner was standing only a few meters  away from me, carrying a newborn in her arms. She was singing a lullaby.” He laughed silently and Levi could feel his breath against his skin. “I can’t even remember what  had been served back then, but I dare say I shall never forget this song.”

“A lullaby?”, Levi muttered unbelievingly and Erwin nodded. 

“Yes, a lullaby”, he said and leaned over, until his ears were close to Levi’s ear. “Do you want to hear it?”, he whispered in such a low voice that nobody but them would have been able to understand. Slightly embarrassed the physician smiled in the darkness, hidden by the darkness and finally interlaced his fingers with Erwin’s. 

“Go ahead”, he murmured in the end. And when Erwin started to sing quietly his heart started beating faster. It was a soft, calm melody, foreign, but familiar in a very strange way. And even though Levi did not understand a single word he felt safe and protected to an extend that he, who had not been able to find any rest in this night, had fallen asleep in the arms of the soldier only minutes after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening ladies and gentlemen!
> 
> Hard to believe that it's already been two weeks again. Jeez. Time flies. So let me get to the news right away. The Fall of Mephistopheles has been chosen by a German anime page to be this month's favourite. It used to be quite prestigious but those times are over. Still, I'm super happy. I've been publishing there for 13 years now and it's quite an achievement after all. 
> 
> Right now I'm working on some ChildEruri-Plot thingy - those who follow me on tumblr will have already noticed this I suppose. It's quite challenging, because the dynamics are super different and actually I don't know if it's a good or bad writing so far, we will see. I'm plotting the dialogues and scene descriptions now. Hopefully I shall be able to start writing this down from April. 
> 
> My favourites this time: 
> 
> 1\. Mike blocking the sight on Levi. 
> 
> 2\. Erwin talking about how he got challenged, being worried and proud about it at the same time. 
> 
> 3\. Those two dorks finally confessing to each other. 
> 
> 4\. Levi lying on the sofa, asleep - he must have looked like an angel. 
> 
> 5\. Erwn resting his forehead against Levi's chest, clinging to him like a drowning man. 
> 
> 6\. Levi and the fact that he's so comfortable with himself and his body that he doesn't mind being all naked while staring out of the window. 
> 
> 7\. Their Eruri late night conversation.
> 
> 8\. Erwin suggesting a marriage (that's so him). 
> 
> 9\. Erwin singing a lullaby. 
> 
> 10\. Erwin, who has FINALLY realised that he making up secrets almost fucked up their relationship entirely and that selflesness and communication is the only way to achieve relationship happiness. 
> 
> AND, the for me most important part of the chapter or maybe the entire fic: 
> 
> "What was going to happen to him if Erwin lost his life during the duel tomorrow? Levi knew the answer. He would return to Brighthampton and take up the life he had been leading for the past ten years, since the cruelest fact about losing a loved one was that the world would not stop revolving. The one who remained kept functioning as a human being, maybe secretly wishing that he would finally break. And one day the pain would fade, the pain that was in fact the only thing that was left of the dead and then, once this pain had faded, the remaining was all alone."
> 
> This summs up quite well how I feel about everything that has happened since chapter 84 as well. When I wrote this chapter Erwin was still alive - but he did not have much time left. When I uploaded the duel it went online with chapter 85 being published. I'm still amazed to see the chapter 80 vibes here during this chapter. Erwin, who is at ease with his destiny, thanking Levi, smiling - it gave me goosebumps to see him act this way in the manga as well. He's considering himself a dead man here, right now. No matter if it's the duel or his return to Spain. He does not believe in an happy end for himself. All he wants is someone to be with him so he can find at least a little bit of happiness. And all he wants is Levi to be happy once he's gone. He's such a tragic man and I can't help myself but to love him for this trait. Their love is honest and pure and it's not poisened from the idea of 'owning' another person, which I have seen in so many relationships before, even though this doesn't prevent them from the usual struggles. Levi sees Erwin's true intentions and therefore he is able to forgive him. 
> 
> To all those who commented for the first time last week - THANK YOU! Also as usual thank you for those who comment on a regular base, give kudos, bookmarks or simply recommend me to their friends. I can see the number of hits increasing with each chapter :)
> 
> But well, enough of that for today. I shall see you guys in two weeks - for the duel.


	23. Commander Smith’s Ordeal

When Levi opened his eyes again the rising sun of the new day already illuminated the room and the bed he shared with Erwin appeared lonely and abandoned. The blonde had awakened long before Levi and finally woke him up. And even though Levi felt as if he had lived through an endlessly long dream one look at Erwin’s face was enough to call the events of the past day back into his mind. 

In the inner certainty that the duel was nothing but a few hours away they had dressed themselves in silence. Weariness and tension was written on both their faces, dark shadows circling their eyes. And although they could spend a few more minutes alone with each other this way the anxious uncertainty that filled both their hearts was too strong as if the same intimacy they had shared the night before would come again. 

Silently, his hands resting in his lap, the doctor’s bag on his side, Levi sat on Erwin’s bed and watched the blonde, who was standing in front of a head-high mirror, still busy getting dressed. He was wearing the clothes of the previous day. The same striped west he had worn on the day of their first meeting and the dark blue tailcoat that had warmed Levi on the day of their hunt. 

The physician took out a pocket watch from his waistcoat pocket and looked at it. It was still so early in the morning that nobody was fully awake yet not by any stretch of the imagination they would have been able to go back to sleep. Nervousness had taken over every of their bodies’ fibers. Levi tried desperately not to let show on the outside how he was secretly feeling since he did not want to upset Erwin, who was, after all, still the one who needed to fight the duel later. A sigh left the physician’s throat, letting his fingers run through his hair afterwards. He knew that he could not hide anything in front of this soldier. His gaze wandered over to his bag. 

“I rather check once more if I packed everything we might need”, Levi muttered thoughtfully and thereby interrupted Erwin’s activity for a moment, who only nodded in a short tempered manner. With skilful fingers Levi opened the closure of the bag and emptied its content on the bed before he carefully packed everything back inside. There were the usual medical tools which he hoped so much he would not need today, furthermore bandages, medication, as well as needles and thread. Every item was very familiar to him since he had once inherited them from the old Dr. Ackerman. One thing, though, surprised Levi. Somewhere underneath all the medical equipment he discovered the small paper box with the flower print. He had not expected it here and therefore raised his brows in surprise. Carefully he took it up and opened it. As usual it contained Erwin’s cravat. It had probably been Eren who had added this to his luggage, suspecting that he wanted to wear it during the duel – at least Levi thought so. Yes, it must have had been like this. 

“Is everything complete?”, he could hear Erwin’s voice sounding in the background. He sounded factual and not very emotional as usual when he tried to hide his true feelings in front of the world he lived in. 

“Yes”, Levi answered short temperedly. “Everything is here.” He took out the cravat from its box and held it in his hands before he finally raised his head and gazed over to Erwin, who was still standing in front of the mirror. The way he stood there in the light of the rising sun, so self-confident and determined, he was, in his very own way, so beautiful and graceful that Levi could not help himself but to stare at him. It did not take long until Erwin, who had just started to bind his cravat, noticed this and solidified.

“Levi?”, he asked and raised his brows.

“Wait.”

The physician stood up and passed through the room with rapid movements until he stopped in front of the soldier. Both looked at each other until Levi reached out and offered him the present from back then. 

“Take this”, he said silently and lowered his gaze. Carefully Erwin took the soft fabric out of his hands and eyed it for a long time with furrowed brows until he finally discovered his golden initials in the middle of it. His eyes widened.

“Levi”, he whispered and insistently looked at the other. “This is the cravat I once sent you with the new suit for the young Mr. Jaeger, am I right?”

“Yes”, Levi answered and nodded. Silently he pressed his lips together, since he was neither a man of great words nor great gestures. “I want you to wear it during the duel.” He raised his hand and patted the back of his head without looking at Erwin. The blonde weighed his head back and forth while his fingers slid over the fabric. 

“A lucky charm?”, Erwin asked eventually, his voice equaling a whisper. A thin smile showed on his lips. “I had hardly expected you to still own it after everything that had happened during the past months. Additionally, you are usually not a person who fancies such pathetic gestures.”

“It would have been quite stupid of me to throw away clothes of such high quality, even if it was you who had left its marks on it”, Levi muttered while referring to the embroidered initials. When he finally looked up to the blonde, his eyes were sparkling determinedly. “It means a lot to me so make sure that I will get it back in the same condition as I have given it to you.” He clicked his tongue. “No stains.”

The commander hesitated for a moment before he started to grin. With a slick gesture he got rid of the cravat he had just finished tying and wrapped the one around his neck Levi had just handed him. 

“Fine”, he mocked the younger one and started to tie it. “No stains.”

“Good”, Levi answered and now started to grin by himself. “It would be rather pitiful if you would first survive the duel only to fall victim to my anger afterwards.”

Both exchanged a volatile gaze and for a moment everything felt fine. Probably - at least that was what Levi was hoping for - the duel would just take place the same way as the one he had participated in back then at Stenton Park and nobody would be harmed in the end. Since Eren would not participate today there was also no need in worrying about him. Around lunch they would already laugh about their sorrows and worries and be happy about the fact that everything was over and everyone was alive. 

The clock in the hallway struck six. In an instant the smiles disappeared from both their faces. For a moment neither dared to move. It was Erwin who finally broke the silence. 

“Well”, he muttered, carefully eying Levi from head to toe before he breathed a kiss against his lips. “It’s about time. The others are probably waiting for us already.”

 

As silently as possible they sneaked down to the ground floor only to realize that their attempt not to wake anyone up was destined to fail. In order to provide Erwin the mental supported he needed before he left for the duel the whole family had gathered in the salon to have some light breakfast. Levi, who had not entered the salon on the night of the ball, only marginally noticed the splendor and stucco that surrounded him, since this room did not look much different than the others. It was remarkable how fast one could get used to such wealth. 

They greeted the others – Erwin’s sisters and his mother – with an indicated bow and the usual polite words before they sat down next to Nanaba, who was sitting at the head of the very long table. One look was enough to signalize Levi why Erwin had not disclosed a single word about his first duel to his sister – Levi could clearly see the sorrows of the past night on her face. She had barely slept, if she had slept at all. Her eyes, bloodshot and tired, were still reddened. And even though she occasionally took a sip of her tea she, who was such a slender person already, did not eat at all. Levi and Erwin, who both did not feel like eating as well, took her as an example. Silently Erwin struggled down some bites of bread while Levi only wordlessly stared at his slice. Nobody spoke.

“Erwin”, Nanaba suddenly interrupted the silence after a few minutes, leaned over the table and reached for her brother’s hand which she squeezed tightly. Her blue eyes, resting on him, sparkled in unhidden aggressiveness. “I am absolutely convinced that everything will end well.” She hissed these words between clenched teeth. “Whenever you feel as if you cannot bear this on your own remember that we will all be here waiting for you. Up until now the Smith family has always been the one to prevail, right?” 

A reluctant smile showed on the lips of her opposite. 

“Yes, Nanaba”, Erwin said calmly before he took her hand in his and breathed a brotherly kiss on her knuckles. “People may say that General Wedgewood is a gifted shooter”, he proceeded and the confidence of victory that Levi loved so much about him returned back into his eyes with every word, “but let’s not forget that they say the same thing about me. There are-“

Somebody knocked at the door. Right away everyone present fell silent and Levi’s heart stopped beating for a second. He, who did not dare to take a subsequent breath, stared over to the door when one of the servants entered and bowed. 

“Who is it?”, Erwin asked, who, in order to act all polite, had already gotten halfway up from his chair. 

“Lieutenant Zacharias, Sir”, the servant answered calmly. Everybody in the room sighed in relief. Split seconds later the tall, calm man entered. He was wearing a suit in dark brown colours, furthermore a full-length leather coat. His chestnut brown hat was resting in his heads. He refrained from giving his clothes to the servant since it was obvious that they would leave this estate before too long. He did not look as exhausted as the others but his features appeared tense and severe as well. He greeted the family with the usual words and stepped closer to the breakfast table. With every step Levi’s stomach tied more into a knot. Mike’s appearance predicted their approaching departure. And his eyes Levi could see the fear of General Wedgewood’s skills. 

“I hope you could find some rest?”, Mike asked Erwin with a low voice and simultaneously took the slice of bread Levi had been holding for minutes out of his hands before he took a huge bite. “You’re not eating this anymore, I suppose?”, he casually asked the physician while munching and raised the brows when Levi replied his look with a blank face. 

“Some might be the appropriate term”, Erwin answered drily who was now dabbing his lips with the tablecloth. Without looking at Levi Mike handed him back his bread and Levi, who had now fully lost his appetite, placed it back on his plate with a disgusted expression. In the meantime Mike looked back and forth between the commander and the physician.

“Have you already explained to him how everything will take place today?”, he asked his friend and Erwin shook his head. 

“Not yet”, he replied. 

“Well”, Mike sighed and turned towards the present family, “I hope you all will forgive me if I shortly summarize the upcoming events, Mrs. Smith?”

The tall lady who had acted remarkably taciturn this morning nodded short temperedly and raised her hand.

“Go ahead”, she said with that certain kind of pragmatism Levi already considered typical for this family. 

“However.” Mike took a deep breath and let his fingers run through his hair. “Mr. Dawk will provide the pistols. Furthermore he acts as impartial arbitrator. General Wedgewood and his son will meet us here before we leave together.” He took out a pocket watch from his waistcoat and looked at it. “According to what his son has told us yesterday he should arrive within the upcoming minutes. Let’s just hope they will make it in time.”

While he spoke Erwin nodded from time to time as if he wanted to underline his friend’s words.

“Thank you very much, Mike”, he replied finally and reached for his cup with tea, taking a sip. “And please excuse the circumstances, everyone.”

Mike snorted and patronisingly raised his brows.

“Just promise me it will be the last duel you will get yourself involved in until the end of this year.”

“Otherwise I would highly recommend the purchase of a personal set of duel pistols in the near future”, Levi, who had not uttered a single word during the whole breakfast, remarked drily and kissed his tea cup, trying to ignore the fact that everyone present stared at him with huge eyes due to what he had just said. Split seconds later Erwin burst out laughing and it took him quite a while to calm down again. Nanaba, who had turned pale after Levi had finished his sentence, lost her last bit of self control and started to sob unrestrainedly right next to them, thereby wiping the smile off her brother’s face.

“Don’t you even dare to toy with the idea of doing so, Erwin”, she hissed at the blonde before the first tears ran over her cheeks and she buried her face in her hands. “What should I tell the others if something happens to you? First they send you to Spain, then you get almost killed there and once you arrive back home the first thing you do is to engage yourself behind our back with the most terrible person of whole London. Oh god lord have mercy and stop my brother causing us nothing but grief.” In a mollifying manner Erwin reached out for her, but before he could touch her shoulder she had turned away from him with a heavy movement. “Why don’t you say anything, Mike?!”, she addressed her brother’s best friend who, considering her sudden emotional outburst, could only stare back with huge uncertain eyes. “You are his friend! You of all people should be the one to prevent him from such shenanigans! I would do it myself but all these dreadfully stubborn gentlemen never listen to us poor women anyway.” 

Mike sighed, but instead of replying anything he just kneeled down in front of the lady and gently touched her shoulder, causing her to slowly calm down again. Eventually she raised her head and eyed the other, who calmly replied her gaze. Mike then reached into his waistcoat pocket and took out a handkerchief which he handed to her wordlessly. She looked at it for a while, then muttered a silent thanks to him and wiped the tears from her face. Silently appreciating the fact that Mike had somehow managed it to end this emotional outburst, Levi watched the scene when once more somebody knocked at the door. One look at the face of the entering servant was enough to know that things would get serious from now on. The servant cleared his throat.

“A General Wedgewood, a Mr. Wedgewood and a Mr. Dawk, Sir”, he said calmly. The atmosphere changed in an instant. Everyone present turned serious and Nanaba, who had only just found back her self-restraint desperately clenched Mike’s handkerchief while trying to fight down new tears. Levi, who was sitting on his chair as if struck by lightning, exchanged a meaningful look with Erwin. Afterwards steps sounded from the hallway. Seconds later three men entered the room. Levi knew only two of them in person. Nile, who was wearing a full length dark coat, carried a heavy leather trunk which without a doubt would contain the duel pistols. Next to him, with a severe face and tired eyes, stood Mr. Wedgewood, who had already visited them the prior day. To his left Levi discovered General Wedgewood, whose long, blonde hair was being held together by a black silk ribbon. He was wearing dark clothing yet a waistcoat from bright, embroidered silk damask. His eyes, brown as those of his daughter, rested on those present without any noticeable warmth. He was an intimidating person, even Levi had to admit this, somebody who took it for granted that his words were taken as orders and who would not accept back talk of any kind. He only greeted them with a volatile nod before he looked at Erwin, so seriously and calculating as if his victory in the duel was already certain. The thought alone was enough to make Levi shiver. Erwin, who had been sitting next to him, cleared his throat and stood up. 

“Good morning, gentlemen”, he greeted the new arrivals while the gaze of the physician, who stared at these men in unhidden hostility, darkened with every second. General Wedgewood replied Erwin’s greeting with a blank face and stepped closer. 

“Good morning, Commander Smith”, he answered with the voice of a man who wanted to get this matter done as soon as possible. “Are you ready to go?”

Erwin’s face equalled a mask. Nobody would have been able to say for certain what the commander must have been feeling in this very moment. He nodded. 

“Yes, I am.”

“Good.” A thin smile convinced of victory showed on General Wedgewood’s face. “Let’s bring this to an end.”

Erwin replied the gaze of the general filled with thirst for action and once more Levi felt as if he could see him, the soldier in Erwin Smith. Not long and they would finally be able to be together. Not long and Erwin would gain back his freedom. The commander turned around and went through the room towards the other before he placed a hand on General Wedgewood’s shoulder passing him. 

“Yes”, he muttered and replied the smile of his vis-à-vis, “let us bring this to an end.”

 

( _[OST](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FICrZ0sDT3I)_ )

 

Together they boarded the carriage and left the estate which was located close to the city borders of London. Nanaba, who had accompanied them to the main entrance door stayed behind and it was Erwin who hugged her for a very long time before he finally let her go. Levi would never forget them, the whispered promises that he would return before too long. Thinking of this now while his hands were resting in his lap and his gaze was wandering over the broad fields, the anxiety within his heart threatened to overwhelm him. Whenever he closed his eyes he could see Nanaba standing at the doorframe, still holding Mike’s handkerchief while she wistfully observed the leaving party. 

They drove for three quarters of an hour in absolute silence. Nobody dared to say a single word. They left the city area of London, passed the suburbs and had soon arrived in the countryside. If Levi had not known better he would have never believed that he was still wandering on London’s grounds. Fields and meadows extended until the horizon. Fog billowed over moist grass. And finally, just when he started to believe that their journey would never come to an end, the carriage stopped and brought him back to reality. He exchanged a look with Erwin, which he replied most severely. They heard the sounds of steps outside on the country road’s gravel. Split seconds later someone opened the door of their carriage and they looked right in the face of Nile Dawk. He appeared to be in a hurry. Duels were – even though both of the participants were members of the military and upper class – illegal after all. 

“Hurry”, he ordered them and turned away, obviously to help the others with the preparations. Both of them took a deep breath before they got up and outside. Once Levi felt the ground underneath his feet he noticed to his own surprise that the air here felt much more moist and cooler than what in the city. 

He looked over to the second carriage and saw the Wedgewoods who seemed to talk about something he could not understand in low voices. Silently he examined the path that had brought them here. It was a small alley, bordered by huge oak trees, surrounded by meadows which had been harvested apparently weeks ago. Behind him Nile left the street and headed out on the open field since a stray bullet was something nobody wanted to risk today. With a silent gasp he placed the trunk in the grass and opened it. Just as Pixis back then he started to control the operability of the pistols and put them properly together. It did not take long and the Wedgewoods as well as Mike followed him to the field of honour. 

Levi, who still stood next to the carriage, looked over to Erwin. 

“Are you ready?”, he asked silently. The blonde lowered his gaze for a moment. 

“No”, he answered in the end and smiled. “But it’s hard to be ready when the bet amount is one’s life. Do you have everything you need?”

Levi pointed towards the bag in his hands. The commander nodded. 

“Very well”, he said before he once more tenderly touched Levi’s shoulder. “Come, Dr. Ackerman, let’s join the others.”

Without waiting for an answer he led the way and the physician followed him, clenching the grip of his bag, down a small slope until his feet had stepped on the loose ground of the harvested field. When they had approached Nile Levi noticed in surprise that the trunk did not offer space for only two but four pistols. Nile, who was now done preparing the weapons, handed the first pair to the seconds. It was a heavy model, with ironwork and made from dark wood, probably more than one hundred years old – but still functioning. Silently Levi watched Mike checking the mechanics, eventually handing it over to Erwin, who received it silently. When Levi looked at him holding the weapon that could also be his own death, he bit his bottom lip. It was hard for him to gather a clear thought. He felt terribly nervous. 

“I think the pistols should be fine this way”, remarked Mike and looked over to Erwin, who noticed this with a nod. 

“Yes”, he replied, “looks good to me.”

The gazed over to the Wedgewoods who stood only a few metres away from them, now as well receiving their weapons from Nile. 

“People tend to say you are a gifted shooter”, Erwin addressed General Wedgewood who replied his gaze with a motionless face.

“Yes”, he replied, “that’s what people tend to say.”

“Well, General Wedgewood”, Erwin raised his head and eyed the other for a while before he proceeded, “I dare say I hope that you will not be disappointed.”

“We will see.” The general clicked his tongue and nodded towards the open field. “Come, Commander Smith, let us begin”, he said and his voice sounded as cold as ice. “The sooner I can abolish this familial connection the better, for you have truly wasted enough of my lifetime already.”

Levi’s gaze darkened. Silently he clenched his hands to fists and needed to bite his bottom lip in order not to reply something he would regret in the end. Instead he looked over to Erwin, who noticed the general’s remark with a short-tempered nod and seemed to ignore the hidden insult on purpose. One last time he looked over to the physician and their eyes met, for a few seconds only, but for Levi they felt like eternity. When Erwin turned around afterwards, lining up together with General Wedgewood in the middle of the field, Levi’s heart started beating wildly in his chest. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and finally noticed from the corners of his eyes how Nile gave the remaining pistols to the seconds. 

“Four pistols?”, Levi heard himself ask, placing his doctor’s bag next to him in the grass, unable to loosen his gaze from Erwin. Once Mr. Wedgewood had checked his weapon he passed over to the other side of the field and stopped about twenty yards away from them. 

“The seconds stand at the edges and take care that the rules will not be violated”, Mike said thoughtfully while he loaded his gun. “We refrained from doing so at Stenton Park since we did not want to hand a weapon to an inexperienced youngster such as Mr. Jaeger.” 

The physician snorted in amusement and folded his arms in front of his chest.

“How prospective of you”, he answered sarcastically but could not help himself but to agree with the lieutenant in silence. Nervously they watched the duellists who had by now greeted each other as the protocol demanded, not standing back to back. 

“What distance has been contracted?”, Levi asked and cleared his throat.

“Thirty steps”, Mike, who was now done with his preparations, replied. “Do you have everything you need, Doctor?”

“Yes.”

Motionlessly he observed the commander, who held his weapon concentrated and settled. He did not appear angry but absolutely determined to end what he had begun. Therefore he showed the face of a man who considered such a situation as thrilling but not as frightening anymore. Who beside him knew how often Erwin had faced death during his life as a soldier? And even though Levi loved him he also knew that this man had killed with his very own hands. He could see it in Erwin’s eyes but in contrary to their first meeting it did not fill him with disgust anymore. On this morning it rather calmed him down. Everything he could do now was to trust in Erwin’s skills and hope that General Wedgewood would miss him. And still there was no worse thing for him than to be destined to inaction while the fate of the man he considered dearest was at stake. 

At a few metres distance Nile, who had positioned himself next to Mike, gave the signal for the beginning of the duel. Slowly, the weapons clenched in their hands, both men departed from each other. Erwin went to the left side while the general headed to the right. Levi barely dared to breathe, scared he would miss the important parts otherwise. Mike appeared to feel the same. With every step that Erwin took, with every second that passed the physician’s nervousness increased until it had reached an almost unbearable intensity. Without blinking he drank up every of the commander’s movements. Even back then when he had served as the second duellist he had not felt as horrible as in these moments, so powerless, being completely and utterly at somebody’s mercy. And still - he should not forget over his personal feelings that Erwin was a gifted shooter after all. And fast. Erwin was nobody who provoked a confrontation he could not win, he was clever, manipulative, life was a play of chess for him, and Levi knew that.  

The duellists stopped and Levi’s eyes widened in expectation of what was about to follow. For a short, barely noticeably moment Erwin closed his eyes, gathered himself, before he straightened up and turned on his heels. The weapon resting in his right hand he pulled the bolt and reached out his arm. Levi looked over to General Wedgewood, who was now turning around as well, raising his arm. Then, suddenly, a single shot was fired.

Afterwards Levi’s eyes wandered back and forth between both duellists. Who had shot? Had anybody been wounded? He felt as if somebody had stopped the time. And then, finally, he noticed that there was no smoke rising from General Wedgewood’s pistol. With a heavily beating heart he stared at Erwin, who was looking at the general himself, with a steady gaze and completely motionless. And then, after an endless amount of time, the life returned to the scenery. 

It was the general who moved first. Hesitatingly he stepped back, while he let the hand, which was still holding his weapon, sink slowly. Finally the pistol slid out of his fingers and dropped to the ground, just in the moment when the fabric of his west started to change its colour to dark red underneath his ribs. Levi gasped for air. Erwin had shot him. Considering the point where the bullet had entered it was easy to say that his inner organs must have been lacerated. The certain death sentence of a man who was struggling to remain on his feet for a few more seconds, but whose knees eventually refused their service. With a dull sound the body hit the soft, loamy ground. The young Mr. Wedgewood motionlessly watched this happening from afar, his eyes widened as if they wanted to gather the light of the entire world. 

Only when Levi once more looked over to Erwin and noticed that the tension that had shown on his face had disappeared, he finally realised that they had made it. The duel was over. And Erwin was alive.

The physician lowered his gaze, silently laughing due to the relief he felt. The overwhelming, incredibly strong feeling of happiness filled his heart. He had never felt so alive before, so full of victory, so free. 

“You damn bastard”, he muttered in such a low voice nobody but him could understand his words and shook his head, “so that’s what makes you always run into danger.”

Steppes sounded in the grass and when he raised his head again Erwin was already approaching them. He was smiling and appeared, just as Levi, endlessly relieved over the end of the duel. Levi knew the expression on Erwin’s face too well, since it was the same he had shown back then when he had won the play of cards against Pixis at Hange’s dinner party. Silently they gazed at each other and a broad, exuberant smile forced its way onto the physician’s lips. It took him all his self-restraint in order not to show any habits that would reveal their true relationship to each other. Yes, they would send Erwin back to Spain, there was nothing they could do about it. But until this day came they had each other. This and nothing else was the most important thing right now. 

“We made it”, Erwin said with a matte voice and handed his pistol over to Mike, who, still holding his one in his right hand, was grinning broadly. 

“And furthermore you cut all the links to this dreadful Wedgewood family”, he agreed with his friend. Erwin looked at the lieutenant from time to time and also to Nile and Mr. Wedgewood, but the majority of his attention was directed to Levi. Nile, who was still standing close to them, looked at General Wedgewood and his son with a very severe expression. 

“You should take care of him rather sooner than later”, he said thoughtfully and turned to Levi, “even though I doubt that there is much that can be done.”

“Yes”, Levi replied and for a moment his smile weakened. “He needs a pastor. It’s unlikely he will live to see the sun rise again.” From the corner of his eyes he looked over to the Wedgewoods before he once more addressed Erwin. 

“I’m so glad”, he muttered silently, gazing at the commander who replied his look in the most tender way. Visibly satisfied Erwin raised his hand and touched the cravat Levi had lend to him this morning. 

“Seems as if it really brings good luck”, he said, causing Levi to snort. 

“That goes without saying, Smith – or do you think I would lie to you?” He shrugged before he reached for his doctor’s bag. “You may excuse me for it seems as if General Wedgewood needs my attention.”

He turned to go when Mike suddenly raised his gun. Split seconds later the sound of two shots filled the air. What followed was an eerie calmness. With huge eyes Levi and Erwin looked over to Mike, who, not appearing less alarmed than they felt, was staring at the general, his pistol clenched as tight as possible. Levi followed his gaze and noticed to his own grief that the general had rolled over to the side, enabling himself to set his hands once more on his own pistol that had still contained the duel’s bullet. With the last bit of power he had fired the shot he had not fired before. A violation of the rules, since a duel was officially over once both parties had fired or someone had received an injury. But such restrictions would probably not count anymore once someone noticed that he would not leave the field of honour alive.

Mike’s bullet entered the general’s skull through his forehead, casting out the last remaining live out of the weakened body. After a last, heavy jerk the general sank down and remained motionlessly on the field’s ground. What followed was the screams of his second who now desperately ran over to his father. 

“This is exactly why I hate duels”, Mike muttered and slowly let his own pistol sink. Levi could not help himself but to stare at him with opened lips, filled by gratefulness over the fact that this man had possessed the farsightedness not to let his attention slip from the general. With a still pale face he then looked over to Erwin ho had not commented on this unexpected turn so far. When his gaze struck the commander nameless horror filled his eyes. While Mike’s shot had pierced the general’s head, the general must have hit Erwin’s neck. Levi could not see the wound but the cravat that Erwin had once given to him and which was now decorating him, had already taken a dark red colour. Only split seconds later blood ran over the collar of his west, down his chest, dropping silently at the ground. Slowly Erwin raised his hand and reached for his neck, but when he noticed the moisture that wetted his fingers honest astonishment showed on his face. Silently he looked at his fingers just as if he could not associate all of this with himself. He then raised his head and looked over to Mike and Levi, who were standing not far away from him, staring at him in agony. 

“Erwin?”, Levi could hear himself ask, but his voice sounded like from a far away distance. The other started to tremble. Moments later Erwin’s knees refused their service. It was the second when Mike and Levi started moving. As fast as they could they ran over to him and just in time to catch his fall. Carefully they placed him on the soft ground, already staining their hands with these few gestures with the blood of the wounded. Mike, who kneeled down, reached for the commander’s face and held him tight with both hands. Levi sank down on his knees, placing his bag next to him, opening it with frantic movements. In the meanwhile he again and again searched for Erwin’s gaze. He might have been conscious, but he had turned pale as a ghost. Glassy he eyes wandered around without focussing what they saw. From the corners of his eyes Levi noticed Nile running over to the younger Mr. Wedgewood in order to take away the remaining pistol from him, but he did not pay much attention to this. Everything appeared to happen around him in slow motion while Levi additionally tried to fight the panic that filled him stronger with every passing second. Mike as a soldier as too as he as a physician knew too well what such a wound meant. They did not have much time. 

“Erwin”, Levi addressed the commander insistently but he did not get any reaction. He bent over the man and made sure that he would not lose consciousness before he started to cut down the cravat from Erwin’s neck as fast as he could. Endless layers of fabric made it impossible to access the wound properly. 

“Erwin!”, he repeated himself, progressively sounding desperate. “You damn schmuck, don’t you dare to die underneath me hands now, I swear!”

He cut the fabric where it had not been fully soaked with blood yet, then took away the cravat from him, dropping it thoughtlessly behind him. Frantically he let his eyes wander over the man’s neck and finally discovered the wound on his right. It was located on the side, almost a graze shot, but now the blood was sputtering out of the wound like a fountain. Before Levi could gather a clear thought he reached out and pressed his hands on the opening. 

“Zacharias!”, he hissed at the lieutenant, who, just as pale and worried as he was, was sitting next to him, “I need your help.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“You need to squeeze off the areas around the wound so tightly that I can take care of it”, he said in a tone that would not allow any back talk. “I can’t stitch this if blood keeps running over my hands.”

“Understood.”

“He must breathe, make sure he can.”

“Yes.” 

The giant followed his orders and reached out for Erwin’s neck, pressing his hands on the trembling skin, enabling Levi to do his work. But still the red liquid kept spilling out of the wound, running over his hands, seeping away in the fabric of the dark blue tailcoat. Not without fear Levi noticed the pool of blood that had already formed underneath Erwin’s shoulders, to sink in its consistency to be absorbed by the earth right away.

Levi wiped his hands on his tailcoat, reached into his bag, taking out needle and thread. He was so lost in his actions that he almost did not notice that Erwin eventually raised his hand, feeling for Levi’s forearm. There was only one thought running around in his mind. He needed to save him. He was not allowed to die, not here, not now. Not after everything they had to live through in order to reach this point. Finally he noticed Erwin’s fingers and raised his gaze. 

“Levi”, he could hear the blonde man gasp next to him and shivered, when he hesitated in his movements for a second, grabbing the soldier’s hand. Once more he bent over him and noticed desperately that the icy blue eyes that usually rested on him so awake and intelligent, slowly started to appear dull and gloomy. They watched Levi but it was obvious how much effort it took Erwin to focus. It was easy to see how the life was seeping out of him. Silently he squeezed Erwin’s hand before he let it go. Once more he reached for his sewing things and got ready. 

“Erwin keep your damn eyes open, will ya? You must stay awake”, he said in a commanding tone and finally started to stitch the entrance wound. He did not miss how Erwin was balking against his handholds, how the commander’s gaze again and again wandered over to him. Erwin could not stand it not to be in charge, not even in such a moment. “Do you get me?”, Levi hissed once more when he did not get an answer.

“I get you”, Erwin murmured and moaned when the needle pierced through his flesh. His voice progressively sounded more matte and powerless. 

“They have already shot you in Spain once, my friend”, Mike talked at him while Levi continued his work. “So don’t tell me you won’t be able to deal with such a ridicule graze shot. You promised Nanaba to tell her everything about today in detail later.”

Erwin’s laughter sounded from the ground, even though it could be hardly recognised as such. 

“Yes”, he whispered, “I promised Nanaba.”

Levi, who was grateful for Mike’s words, bit his bottom lip. He was not allowed to show his desperation in front of Erwin. No matter how tight he stitched it just would not stop bleeding. And so they remained like this for the next minutes, while Levi struggled to master this situation. It was Erwin, who finally broke the silence once more. 

“Levi”, he murmured and even though his voice sounded weak the physician clearly noticed the restrained insistency it inhered.

“What’s wrong?”, he asked and sighed in relief when the entrance wound finally stopped bleeding. With fast movements he started to take care of the exit wound. Thereby he eyed the other with raised brows, noticing in grief that Erwin’s breathing was heavy. Erwin was fighting to stay with them. 

“I can’t see”, he murmured and Levi could not miss the fear that filled his voice. “I can’t see.”

“What are you talking there?”, Levi growled and tried to hide his feelings. Once more he grabbed Erwin’s hands and squeezed them. They felt cold. “There is no need for you to see anything, leave it to me.”

He once more started to stitch and compared to the entrance wound this part was somehow easier to be done. It did not take him long until he had arrested the bleeding. And when he was almost sure that he had prevailed, he reluctantly straightened up, watching the wound, scared it would open once more and destroy his work. Nothing like this happened. With a moan he let his hands sink. He had made it. He had closed the wounds. 

“What a dreadful morning”, he whispered and exchanged a look with Mike, who, following the sign of the physician, carefully removed his hands from Erwin’s neck. Now as well the wound did not start bleeding again. For a moment Levi closed his eyes in relief. He would allow himself a shot of liquor once they returned. Now, where the fear slowly started to fade, his hands started to shake. 

“We should be able to transport him like this”, he said towards Mike, “but we will have to carry him. He is hardly with us right now.”

“That won’t be a problem”, Mike replied short temperedly and now took a deep breath himself. They looked down at each other. All of them, Erwin included, where soiled in blood. “Nanaba will have a heart attack when we get back home.”

Levi snorted.

“Yes”, he said, “she most likely will.” He turned at Erwin and suggested a smile. “Have you heard? We’ll get you back home now.”

He did not receive an answer. 

“Erwin”, he repeated himself. When once more no answer followed, he turned around. “Hey”, he said angrily, “are you listening?”

He furrowed his brows before he one more bent over the blonde and silently examined his face. Then, suddenly, he felt as if the ground underneath his knees was collapsing. He stopped breathing. The trembling disappeared from his hands. 

“No”, he whispered with a begging voice. 

Reluctantly Levi reached out and gently touched the soiled cheeks with his blood red hands. They felt cold. The skin was wax-like and pale. The lips shimmered bluish. Not a single movement reminded them of the liveliness and joy that had filled this man only minutes before. 

“Erwin?”, Levi whispered with unhidden desperation. His limbs started to shake, reaching for the commander’s shoulders and shook him gently, again and again whispering the same name, hoping to bring the other back this way. But nothing he did, nothing he said changed the fact that Erwin would not open his eyes. All that remained was the crying of the second and the chirping of the birds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, since most of you will probably hate me right now, I better make it short I suppose? 
> 
> I dare say that this chapter is and will probably one of my favourites until I die. It has tension, humour, angst and love at once, also some plottwists that surprised me myself (like Mike shooting at Wedgewood). 
> 
> Adding the Transformers Soundtrack to this chapter was only a joke of my friends in the beginning, but then I read it to them while it played in the background and it worked out just too well.
> 
> As usual stuff I liked about this chapter:
> 
> 1\. "No stains." - and the first thing Erwin does is to ruin it completely (but it's not his fault so yeah...)  
> 2\. Mike who steals Levi's toast.  
> 3\. Levi's remark about the necessity of buying an own pair of duel pistols and Erwin's laughter afterwards.  
> 4\. The fact that Wedgewood's person reminds me of Lucius Malfoy.  
> 5\. How badass Erwin is during the entire chapter.  
> 6\. Mike who shoots at the right moment (he's the best friend possible).  
> 7\. Erwin who reaches for his neck as if in trance, turning over to Levi and Mike before he collapses, his fingers all red.  
> 8\. Erwin who grabs Levi's hand.  
> 9\. The fact that Levi falls back into his cockney accent when he panics.  
> 10\. “I can’t see”, he murmured and Levi could not miss the fear that filled his voice.  
> 11\. “No”, he whispered with a begging voice.  
> 12\. All that remained was the crying of the second and the chirping of the birds.
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter though and won't drop it yet due to the cliffhanger :o I want to see you all back here in 2 weeks!
> 
> Take care!  
> Love,  
> H.K.
> 
> Edit: You know, sometimes I feel as if I could just vanish from this planet and nobody would even notice - which is just plain wrong, and I know that. But knowing that there are people out in this world who honestly look forward for me to update my novels - this is the best feeling in the entire world. Thank you.


	24. The Promise. Part 1

 

 

~*~

 

This late summer morning formed the darkest day in Levi’s life. And when the carriage brought them back to the estate and the first rays of sunlight fell through the window inside the vehicle cabin, everything that had happened felt strangely surreal considering the warmth of the sun. Exhausted and with an empty stare Levi looked out of the window. Mike, who was sitting on the opposite side, followed his example. Both did not spend any glances at the other. Nobody dared to say a single word. Silently they kept asking themselves how on earth they should explain Nanaba what had happened today. 

When the carriage stopped in front of the Smith estate, finally confronting them with the unavoidable, they exchanged a last, long gaze. Mike, whose hair kept shifting into his face, whose hands were dark red from the dried blood of his best friend and Levi, who, no matter how often he had wiped his face, still had some red blotches showing on his cheeks. His clothes that felt so stiff since he had wiped his hands so often on them while trying to save Erwin’s life. For a few seconds they gazed at each other until they had gathered enough strength to step outside and do what needed to be done. And when they left the carriage and stepped out into the yard, with pale, blank, almost mask-like faces they already discovered Nanaba, who had been waiting for them on top of the stairs with reddened eyes and filled with fear. As made out of stone she was standing there, worn down by sorrows but of flawless appearance, accompanied by Hange who must have come over in order to provide her the necessary mental assistance. 

But once she had eyed the new arrivals, their dark expressions and dirty garments, once she realised that her brother was missing, her eyes widened in silent horror. With a bloodcurdling scream she, who Levi had always seen as a calm and confident person, burst into tears and needed to support herself on Hange in order not to collapse on the spot. It was Mike who accompanied her inside and Levi, who later gave her some sedative that would make her sleep but not forget. A strange silence had spread amongst the members of this house. Everybody felt it, the resignation that nothing that had happened could be changed, the knowledge that it was up to them now to bear this situation together. For all those who considered themselves close to Erwin, who loved him, the news about the outcome of the duel was a heavy shock. 

 

~*~

 

Together they were sitting in Erwin’s living room, in this place stuffed with books up to underneath the ceiling, the place where Levi had finally gotten together with him again. They waited. And even though Erwin could not be with them he was everywhere. Levi felt as if he could feel his presence in every item, every piece of furniture, in every page of the countless books that had once been gathered here, now forming the source of his infinite knowledge, a proof of his never ending curiosity. Even the sound of the crackling fire seemed to whisper his name. 

Erwin.

_ Erwin. _

He was everywhere. And all those in this room kept him present, clinging to the thought of him, like drowning people who had received a piece of wood by the waves. It was the only way not to lose hope; this and the silent awareness that none of them was alone with their pain.

Wordlessly Levi raised his head and let his gaze wander around. There was Erwin’s mother, Mrs. Smith, including her three daughters. Apart from Nanaba they silently tried to bridge the not passing time by handcrafting. Trembling hands again and again pressed needles through the fabric, carefully watched by blood-shot, tired eyes. Nanaba was sitting a little apart from them right next to Mike, who had taken care of her since his return with an unlimited patience. And even though all the things that had happened were indeed terrible they appeared to have formed a bond that would connect them in the future as well. Nile, who had spent the past hours with them, had bidden his farewell only minutes ago and left, as had the Middletons. Eren was sitting on one of the armchairs, holding a cup of tea in his hands, from which he took occasional sips. In contrary to his usual temperament Levi had not heard a single word from his mouth today. Next to him, bent over and supporting herself with her elbows on her knees, sat Hange. Silently she stared into the flames, severe like a military commander who had lost the final battle, the thoughts everywhere, but not in this room. 

With a silent sigh Levi closed his eyes. He was sitting on the sofa in the middle of the room, accompanied by Petra, who was holding his hands and never leaving his side. He was very pale, just as Nanaba and even though he appeared calm on the outside everybody secretly knew how his condition truly was. Steel grey eyes stared empty into space. It had taken them a whole day in order to convince him to get out of his blood stained clothes and a bath. More taciturn than usual he had sat on the sofa, watching the flames, holding Erwin’s cravat, no matter how miserable and ruined it was. With dried, rust red stains it rested in his hands and spoke for itself. 

It was the fourth day after this sinister duel. After Erwin had lost his consciousness they had almost given him up for dead. His face had looked so pale and sunken in. In the end it had been Levi who had found his breath and pulse, even though they were endlessly weak. Erwin lived, but he was essentially closer to death. It equalled a miracle that the shock over the loss of blood had not killed him on the spot. Together with Nile’s help and united strength they had somehow dragged him to the carriage and brought him back home, where they had sent for a physician that was not as emotionally involved as Levi right after Nanaba’s breakdown. But even though Levi had done everything in his power to take care of Erwin’s wound, the arriving physician could do nothing as to shake his head in the most resigned manner. The chance that he would gain back consciousness was small. Too high was his loss of blood. Too high the risk of gangrene and infection. And when his body started to fight the wound from the second day, developing a high fever, when they could hear his moaning and wailing up to the salon, they sent for a pastor to prepare him for his last journey. Even though none of them wanted to give up everybody was expecting the worst. Three days they had spent this way, waking, waiting, anxious and desperate and Levi had never lived through hours that had felt any longer than these. 

 

_ I can’t see. _

 

Like a never fading echo Erwin’s words kept sounding in his mind, again and again and again. And with every time he remembered he felt more miserable about the way he had treated the injured man. In the hectic rush of the situation he had seen them as sign of Erwin’s craving for control – everybody knew that Erwin was one of those people who wanted to collect all the loose ends in his hand, no matter the circumstances. In truth, though, his remark had been nothing but the symptom of a fading mind. If he died like this, these words would have been his last. In his fear he had addressed Levi, the one he apparently trusted most in such matters, and he had just roughly quieted him. And whenever Levi recalled this his heart contracted painfully, forming a heavy, small ball in his chest. He would have loved to tell Erwin back then that he need not worry, that everything would be alright, that he would take care of him. 

But he had not had the necessary time for this.  

With every second he had fought Erwin’s life had been slipping through his fingers and no matter how much he had struggled to save him, in the end it would most likely have been for nothing. He felt just as powerless as back then when he had treated the old Mrs. Lane. 

Silently Levi watched his hands, the fingernails still grimy with rests of dried blood. He then raised his head and eyed the family that had kindly offered him to stay here as their guest. He was not aware of how much they had heard about his and Erwin’s relationship, whether they knew that he and Erwin were connected by far more than the mere bond of brotherly friendship. He guessed that Erwin had once told Nanaba and Mike as well knew since everything that could be told since the night of the ball. Secretly Levi still considered himself the true reason for this duel. Normally his relatives should hate him, since he was the one who had torn their son, brother and friend out of their arms. And still everybody treated him with such a dedicated kindness and politeness that it almost hurt him physically. Nobody had sent him away. They saw that his pain and suffering was just as real as theirs and therefore let him stay. 

Sometimes he felt as if he was losing his mind over all this waiting. Also now. Silently he got up, let his fingers run through his hair and walked away from the group. He took a few steps through the room, walked back and forth, passing the book shelves, ignored by the others, his gaze still lowered. He looked at the books of which Erwin possessed so many that one life was hardly enough to read through all of them. In the end he reached out and thoughtfully let his fingers slide over the leather book spines, took out the one or another here and there, opened it and placed it back, after he had casually scanned the first few sentences. Sometimes he found the one or another pencil note written on the side of the text. Then it struck him like lightening and he could not help himself but to caress the paper with his fingertips, before he hurried to close the book and hastily placed it back on the shelf. He went on like this for a couple of minutes, until steps sounded behind him, causing him to stop. When he turned around he could see Hange. A dark green cashmere scarf wrapped around her shoulders, her arms folded in front of her chest, she eyed him filled with sorrow. Just as the others she only remained here for the day and returned to the Middleton estate at night. It were Mike, Nanaba and Levi who formed the solid heart of the vigilance that always surrounded Erwin, and who, if at all, only left these rooms to find some rest during the night hours. Searchingly Hange’s eyes slid over his face, again and again. 

“When have you slept for the last time, Levi?”, she asked silently. “You can barely keep your eyes open.”

“I don’t know”, Levi muttered and shrugged casually. Sometimes he dozed off for a while, but he was unable to find real sleep since the duel. In the end he had given up the attempt and remained, his arms folded in front of his chest, waking in the proximity of the fireplace or at Erwin’s bed, taking care of him when Nanaba and Mike had withdrawn for the night. 

“And eaten? When was the last time you ate properly?”, Hange insisted. Levi pressed his lips together. 

“I’m not hungry.”

“You must keep up your strength, Levi.” She stepped closer and tenderly touched his shoulders. “You are no help to anyone if you keep punishing yourself. You want to be in a good shape when Erwin wakes up, don’t you?”

A scornful snort left Levi’s throat, once more taking a book out of the shelf, offering it to Hange. 

“Why didn’t you ask Erwin for books?”, he asked snappily and opened it, “he’s much better equipped than Mr. Middleton. And you’re closer to him as well. Certainly he wouldn’t have hesitated to entrust you with the necessary documents for your science projects of the upcoming two decades.” He hesitated for a moment and examined the skilfully drawn picture of a water plant. When he continued his voice was trembling with bitterness. “It’s unlikely he will have any use for these at the moment anyway.”

The words were leaving his lips before he could reconsider them. Anger and sadness appeared in Hange’s gaze. She was exhausted, even though not as much as Levi. Of those present everyone’s nerves were strained to the utmost. It was not the fear of what might happen rather than this dreadful waiting that kept wearing them down. With a heavy gesture she took the book away from him and shoved it back on the shelf. The others raised their heads. Surprised eyes looked over to them.

“You are not the only one here who’s suffering, damn it!”, she hissed at him and Levi whirled around. 

“It’s not your fault if he dies!”, it burst out of him. He had barely finished his sentence when he already regretted his choice of words. He closed his eyes in order to gain back his self-restraint while rubbing his eyes with thumb and index finger. He had reacted so heavily that Hange apparently did not know what to say. She might have appeared calm but her gaze indicated that she had no idea what was going on in his mind at that moment. She took a deep breath and raised her voice to an answer, when once more steps sounded behind them. Seconds later Petra stopped next to them. In a mollifying manner she looked back and forth between them. 

“What’s wrong?”, Levi asked, whose voice sounded, now where he addressed Petra, softer than before. In her dress of white muslin, ornamented with a rosé silk band that had been wrapped around her chest and a short jacket of the same colour she appeared so innocent and pure that Levi did not know what to say. Her sincere brown eyes wandered back and forth between him and Hange, while she nervously kneaded her hands. 

“I think Miss Zoe might be right”, she began and tried to regain the necessary steadiness in her voice. 

“Is she?”, Levi answered coldly and raised his brows. On the lady’s cheeks appeared a weak reddish shimmer. 

“Yes, she is. And you would certainly be better off showing some gratitude for the fact that, even after all we’ve been through these days, she still has the decency and patience to worry about you”, she remarked insistently. In the end she raised her hand and pointed towards the huge entrance door. “I will go down to the chapel and light a candle for Commander Smith”, she proceeded. “Maybe you want to keep me company? It would be not a bad idea for you to stretch your legs a little. Have you left this place today at least once?”

“Well-“, began Levi and interrupted himself right away, before he furrowed his brows and lowered his gaze. He knew that she always had the best for him on her mind. Without saying anything he raised his head and looked over to the door that led to Erwin’s bedroom. No, he had not left this place today. All he had done was to sit here and wait. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, Petra addressed him once more and touched his forearm with her fingertips. “You treat yourself too strictly.”

“Go with her, Levi”, Hange joined and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “In the case of any news I will send Eren after you right away.”

Uncertain what to do, Levi looked back and forth between the ladies and the bedroom door. To leave this place felt strangely wrong. And still he could not get rid of the feeling that the situation was outgrowing him. A break, even if it was only for ten minutes – Erwin would certainly forgive him. He let his fingers run through his hair and gave Petra a short tempered nod. 

“Fine”, he murmured and caused her to smile, “let’s go.”

 

Together they went down the endless halls and corridors and even though Levi did not know where they were heading, Petra appeared to know her way around perfectly. She was, just as the others, a long term acquaintance of the Smith family and furthermore a close friend of Nanaba and therefore one of the regular guests of this estate. His hands hidden in his pockets Levi followed her and found himself unable to navigate his way back to Erwin’s rooms before too long. As engulfed and narrow some of the corridors might have been, they did not change anything about the size of this estate.

Petra, who had led the way with fast steps, finally slowed down when she noticed how Levi progressively fell behind. She stopped and turned toward him, who slowly approached her down the hallway. 

“You should rest tonight”, she said finally, her voice filled with tender scolding and Levi, who stopped in front of her, offered a thin smile. 

“Even if I try to sleep it does not work”, he answered calmly. Together they went on. Silently he watched the black and white tiled floor. It looked just like the entrance hall of Stenton Park. When they arrived at the end of the corridor, they stopped in front of a huge wing door of dark wood that would probably lead them to the chapel. Levi noticed the weak scent of incense. 

“Still, though”, Petra talked back and smiled gently. She reached out for him and grabbed his wrist in devoted care. “Maybe it would be the best to accompany us back for one or two days, so you can-“

“In no case”, Levi interrupted her and broke free. “I owe him. If there is one thing in this world that I don’t need right now it is Mr. Middleton and his dreadful twin daughters.” He gasped for air and once more closed his eyes, when he became painfully aware of the fact that he had once more lost his temper. With a silent sigh he gave Petra an apologising look. He had scared her. He could see it in her eyes. 

“Forgive me”, he whispered. “It’s not your fault that things are like this.” He tried to smile but it did not reach his eyes. His gaze remained tired and dull. Finally he reached out for the door, opened it and entered the small chapel.

It was a narrow building, about seven yards wide and twenty yards long that had been most likely added to the main building in the late eighteenth century. To his left as well as to his right extended wooden, skilfully decorated benches made of oak wood. The walls, covered with peppermint green silk tapestry, showed countless pictures of the passion of Jesus Christ, framed in golden, squiggly frames. Huge, colourful stained windows gave the room a warm and cosy light. Levi knew that such rooms were usually used by rich families in order to provide the morning service with the family members and servants. Regardless, it was so chilly that he started to shiver. 

Silently he held the door open for Petra, and together they headed down the narrow passage that had been left in the middle, until they arrived at the second row. Levi sat down, while Petra went to the front and lit a candle. After that she returned to him, made a curtsy and kneeled down next to him before she folded her hands and closed her eyes. Levi, whose hands were resting in his lap, watched her doing so in silence, until she finally looked up to him and replied his gaze from the corners of her eyes. 

“What did you wish for?”, Levi asked calmly. In the meanwhile she got up and sat down on the cool oak bench. She then folded her hands in the lap of her white dress. A thin smile showed on her lips. 

“You probably know it already”, she answered softly and Levi replied her smile. 

“Yes, I probably do”, he replied and sighed, before he once more razed his gaze and looked over to the huge crucifix. For a moment neither of them said a single word. Together they sat there in silent harmony until Levi could not bear it any longer. “I don’t remember when I have last been consciously to such a place”, he murmured and Petra raised her brows in unhidden surprise. 

“But don’t you go to church?”, she asked and looked quite pretty, sitting in such an astonished manner right next to him. 

“Well, of course I do”, Levi replied and could not avoid a tired grin. “Every Sunday. But you will forgive me if I confess to you that I only do this in order to keep the loyalty of my patients. It’s very important to play according to the social rules, especially in the countryside.” He clicked his tongue. “If not they will forget soon the sympathy they had offered to you in the beginning. You are from Exceter, right? I can hardly imagine that things down there are any different from Brighthampton.”

“Well, you are not mistaken, to be honest”, Petra admitted and looked over to the candles. “But you are probably not much of a religious person, I suppose.”

“The faith I once owned as a child had been taken away from me by life quite early”, Levi said with a low voice, “and it never returned.” He hesitated for a moment. “One life is already more than a person can ask for. To reach out for eternity because of that seems a little greedy to me, Miss Ral.”

She eyed him silently and said nothing for a long time. Again and again she looked over to the candles, before finally a sound of amusement left her throat, causing Levi to furrow his brows. She raised her hand and pointed behind her. 

“Good for me that I had the farsightedness to light two candles. One for me and one for you, Dr. Ackerman”, she smiled at him. “I hope that Commander Smith will gain back consciousness soon. After all the things he had to live through during this year he deserves it the most that something good happens to him in the end.”

Levi nodded wordlessly before both of them fell silent. It felt good to be here, even though a church was not the place of Levi’s choice. The silence and the warm light of the candles though comforted him, calmed him down and gave him strength. Silently he sat next to the young lady from Exceter, gazing at her from time to time from the corners of his eyes, before he once more paid attention to the crucifix. Then, all of a sudden, something clicked in his head and he started to understand. He had promised to Erwin to reconsider his thoughts about a possible marriage to Miss Ral. It had been Erwin’s deepest wish to know Levi was in good hands, no matter how the duel would end. If he died or survived now would change nothing about that. 

Petra was a good person, too good for someone like Levi, who would never be fully able to satisfy her needs. His heart would always belong to somebody else in the first place, no matter how much he struggled to make her a good husband. And still – was this not exactly what a marriage of convenience was about? About providing each other security no matter how hard the times might be; about enabling each other to life a good and happy life. She was familiar with his relationship to Erwin and she did not mind at all. She would grant him the space he needed to be happy and enrich his life with her company and working power. And she would be able to live a life that would equal self-determination as much as it was possible these days. He held the key to her fortune. It was up to him.

Silently Levi thought of Erwin and the insistency his voice had inherd during their conversation a few nights prior. He remembered the relief he had seen in Erwin’s face when he had assured him that this had not been his final decision yet. As usual Erwin had been right in the end. A thin smile showed on Levi’s lips, when he eyed Petra for one last time, lowering his gaze afterwards. He had made up his mind. 

“Say, Miss Ral”, he began suddenly and turned to her. His voice had taken a serious, almost croaky tone. “There is something I need to ask you.”

The lady raised her brows and looked at him quite surprised. 

“What is it?”, she asked and the sound of her voice indicated that she had no idea what was on his mind. Uncertain what he should reply he stared at her when his mouth suddenly felt stale and dry. He struggled to find the right words but everything that came to mind was not appropriate to be said in such a situation. Petra, though, appeared to become progressively confused with every passing second. 

“Dr. Ackerman?”, she asked him once more, but before he could answer her once more steps sounded on the hallway. Somebody was in a hurry. In an instant all the thoughts that had filled Levi’s mind fell silent and the only thing that he could think of was Erwin. His eyes widened and Petra, who was still replying his gaze, appeared no less startled than he felt. Split seconds later the doors flew open and Eren, gasping for breath, tumbled inside. He appeared pale, but his cheeks shimmered in a hot red. Levi, who was still sitting next to Petra, jumped up and hurried passed her towards the boy. 

“Eren?!”, he cried out and held his breath when the boy approached him as well. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“Sir.” Once more the boy filled his lungs with air. Apparently he had run the whole way down here. He was absolutely out of breath. “Commander Smith”, he struggled to say, “he... he-“

“Yes?!”, Levi bawled out, “damn it, Eren, what happened?”

“He woke up”, he gasped and now leaned over to support himself on his knees. Silently snorting he drank up the air that surrounded him, while Levi stared at him with a blank face, realising the scope of what he had just heard.

“He woke up?”, he repeated in a whisper and noticed Petra’s steps in the background approaching them. Eren nodded. Placing his hands on his hips the boy straightened up and looked over to his foster father. 

“Yes”, he breathed and pressed his head into his neck. “The doctor said you should come back immediately. He needs to talk to you.”

“Did he say anything further?”

“No, Sir.”

Levi suggested a nod. Suddenly his heart was beating so heavily as if his heart wanted to jump out of his chest. Erwin was alive. But in which condition he was right now, if his personality had changed due to his injury, was something he could not tell for sure this way. The only thing he could do was to hope that he would be alright once he arrived there. 

“Get me to him”, he ordered his foster son and had already passed him and stepped outside into the corridor. 

“But Sir-“

“Now!”

 

Together they hurried down the endless hallways, staircases and corridors until they, after a couple of minutes, had finally arrived at Erwin’s apartments. Eren, who stopped right behind Levi, struggled to stand on his feet. Without knocking Levi opened the door and entered the room, whereas all the heads turned towards him and the current conversations fell silent. The expressions of his friends would not allow any suggestion about Erwin’s condition and Levi, who usually expected the worst, had to pull himself together in order not to lose his nerves. 

In the middle of the room he discovered Dr. Miller, a competent old man with white, sparse hair, round face and nickel glasses, who had served as the family’s physician for the past decades. He raised the hand and pointed at Levi after the door had barely closed behind him, an offer that Levi followed willingly. Before Levi could address him the man had already placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pulled him away from the others. 

“What happened?”, Levi asked in a whispering tone, but quite intensely after all. When the physician answered he spoke in such a low voice that the others could not hear them. 

“Commander Smith”, he began but Levi interrupted him.

“Eren said he is awake? How is he?”

Dr. Miller nodded. 

“Yes”, he said silently. He then pulled Levi a little closer. “He’s still too weak to have visitors, but he consequently keeps asking for you, Sir, therefore-“

“I see.” Levi turned away from the physician and to the door that would lead him to Erwin’s bedroom, when he once more forced himself to stop. “Would you have the decency to explain everything to the family?”, he asked and once more the other nodded. 

“Of course I will, Dr. Ackerman, go ahead.”

“Thank you. Thank you very much.”

Levi raised his hand and gave the physician a volatile nod before he turned on his heels and disappeared into Erwin’s bedroom. 

 

They had closed the velveteen curtains and therefore the light that filled the room was dim and matte. Levi noticed the smell of infirmity, stale, breathed air that carried the aroma of the given medicine. It was so sticky that Levi needed to fight down the urge to open the first window he passed as far as he could. Silently he looked over to the bed and finally discovered Erwin, who, hidden underneath countless bed sheets, was lying on the same side as in the night Levi had spent here. By now it felt as if a whole lifetime had passed since then. 

“Erwin”, Levi asked with a weak voice and only when the rustling of the sheets showed him that Erwin was really awake he walked through the room with rapid movements. He passed an empty chair and finally fell on his knees in front of Erwin, supporting himself on the mattress with his elbows, grabbing his hand that cheekily showed between the sheets. How often had he sat here, stiff in agony, staring at the bed, fearing that Erwin’s breath could have stopped? Now he was lying there and exhaustedly gazed at the physician with his blue eyes, which, after all that had happened, had lost nothing of their shining. And even though his hair fell into his face in greasy strains, even though the shadow of a beard let him appear years older than he really was, Levi did not care. All he wanted was to hold his hand in gratefulness. That Erwin had returned to them was everything that counted now. 

“Thank god”, Levi burst out, carefully placing Erin’s hand against his cheek, kissing his palm. For a moment his eyes felt wet, but he blinked the tears away. He had never felt such relief, such happiness before. Unable to loosen his gaze from the other he reached out his remaining hand and tenderly let his fingers run over Erwin’s cheek. 

“Levi.” The voice of the commander equalled a powerless whisper. He tried to turn to his side so he could see Levi better, but the physician asked him to stop with a volatile gesture. 

“Wait”, he whispered and it sounded very strict. “Don’t push yourself too hard, do you hear me?”

They exchanged a long gaze and started to smile. It was obvious how exhausting it was for Erwin to gather and articulate a clear thought. The signs of hardships of the past days were still everywhere. His neck was hidden by thick, white bandages. 

“What happened?”, Erwin finally managed to murmur and pulled a painful face. It might be that Erwin would not be able to remember the duel Levi could not help himself from thinking. Something like this happened quite often and actually he would be better off this way. Carefully the physician squeezed the commander’s hand. When he started to speak his gaze darkened. 

“That coward bastard Wedgewood wounded you”, he said with a silent, eagerly calm voice. “For the past three days you were mostly asleep. It did not look good for you in the aftermath.”

Nodding from time to time Erwin listened to every of his words, even though it was not easy for him. In the end he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“The duel”, he whispered, as if he could at least remember this aspect of the past week. A bitter smile showed on Levi’s lips. 

“Yes, the duel.”

“What was the outcome?”

The physician hesitated for a moment. Images of this horrible morning showed in front of his inner eye. Once more he saw himself and Mike bending over the trembling body, while the blood spilled out of the wound. Somehow he managed it not to show any of his true feelings towards Erwin. Instead he tucked a strand of blonde hair behind his ear and gave him a cheering smile. 

“You shot him before he could even move.”

Erwin’s finger closed a little tighter around his own. 

“Is he dead?”, Erwin asked after a while and Levi nodded.

“Yes. He died on the field of honour.”

“Hah.”

Levi raised his brows. Erwin might have been weak, but he would not miss the satisfaction in his voice. Had this been an attempted laugh? For a moment Erwin’s face enlightened. Then, after a few seconds, a tired, matte smile forced its way onto his lips. 

“I knew I would win”, he murmured.

“It was close enough, though”, Levi replied drily. 

“Not the duel”, Erwin said and appeared even more satisfied when Levi only stared back in confusion considering his words. “My bet.”

He took a deep breath and needed to collect his strength before he could proceed with his explanations. Speaking obviously caused him pain yet still the expression of happiness remained on his face. “I won. You are here with me. Apart from the war in Spain everything is fine right now.”

One single tear ran over Levi’s cheek only to be wiped away with the back of his hand in the roughest manner. With the other he still held Erwin’s hand. He never wanted to let go of it again or leave the side of the man he loved. 

“You really are a major annoyance”, Levi pressed between clenched teeth, whereas the other only smiled quite self-confidently. They looked at each other until Levi finally shook his head, carefully adjusting the fit of Erwin’s blankets. “You should sleep. The others will certainly want to see you as soon as they know that you’re awake.”

“Are they here?”, Erwin asked in honest surprise. Levi nodded.

“Yes, they are outside in the salon.”

“I should not let them wait.”

With these words the commander tried to sit up, only to be pushed back into his pillows by Levi again. 

“Now shut up and listen to your doctor, you foolish old man.”

Erwin tried to laugh, but he could only manage a weak snort. The short conversation had visibly exhausted him. Levi sighed and searchingly looked around the room. It was too uncomfortable to stay on the ground, but he did not want to leave Erwin alone. Silently he pulled the chair closer towards the bed and sat down. 

“Levi?”

The physician raised his head. With his eyes already closed Erwin reached out for him and Levi carefully took his hand. 

“What is it, Erwin?”

“Will you be there when I wake up?”, he whispered. Levi suggested a thin smile. Silently he pressed his lips against Erwin’s knuckles before he placed his hand back underneath the blanket. 

“Yes”, he said in a low voice, “I’ll be waiting here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening my dear readers,
> 
> in contrary to my usual routine I decided to first post the chapter and then hurry over and reply to your comments, so by the moment you will have reached this afterword I will most likely already have replied. 
> 
> I bet most of you have really thought he was dead after the first pages of the new chapter. But well, Erwin Smith doesn't die unless he wants it, so here he is back amongst he living and as charming as always, haha. 
> 
> There are still some loose threads I need to take care of, but we're slowly approaching the ending. I hope you liked the chapter and don't want to kill me anymore :') It has been quite a rough two weeks for those who took a liking in this fic and I'm glad I was not forced to torture you even more. 
> 
> So what did I like most about the chapter?  
> 1\. Levi's attemt to talk to Petra in the chapel.  
> 2\. The fact that the first 10 pages are arranged in a way that indicate that Erwin had died.  
> 3\. Eren, who has almost vomitted on the floor because he ran so fast.  
> 4\. The whole conversation between Erwin and Levi.  
> 5\. "Hah." - My favourite Erwin moment of the entire fic. That bastard. :D
> 
> Short chapter, therefore not so many moments I liked. 
> 
> So well, what's new about my life? I totally fell for Les Misérables after watching the film of 2012 for ... like 5 times in the past few weeks. I now started to read the novel and will cosplay Enjolras which is something I look forward to very much. I'm not so much into writing right now, which is actually because I have had so much stress recently that I'm just not inspired. It's something I'm actually very dissatisfied about, but I first need to puzzle my life back together again. Much has happened during the past 2 months (and they call it spring BREAK - ahahah... ha... ha.).  
> I took quite a liking in the plays of Friedrich Schiller, a german play writer who lived in the 18th century. I used to live in Mannheim for 2 years when I was around 20, and he did the same. Actually we only lived 100 meters away from each other, so we're basically neighbours - with 200 years distance, but hey who cares. We're both INTJ, our writing and working style is similar. Our sassiness is quite the same - according to his letters. I adore this man. His first play 'The Robbers' was first shown in Mannheim in 1782 and it was a revolutionary piece. It is about a son of high birth who is left alone by his father due to a conspiracy of his brother. The son, his name is Karl von Moor afterwards gathers a group of men under his command and becomes a robber in the bohemian forests, because he feels so lost and guilty. Ofc in the end everything goes to hell, but I won't tell in which way. Read the play if you have the chance, it's awesome!  
> So I'll be visiting an old friend of mine in two weeks in Mannheim and it turns out that they show this play at the national theater while I'm there. I'm a literature major, I have no words to say how much this actually means to me. Being able to watch this play in the same theater where it has been shown back then in 1782. Friedrich Schiller is my greatest role model so far, I hope I will be good enough to compare myself to him one day. 
> 
> So. That's it from me today. Thank you so much for the INCREDIBLE amount of comments this time! See you in 2 weeks!
> 
> S,  
> H.K.


	25. The Promise. Part 2

 

~*~

It had not taken long and Erwin had fallen asleep. Levi remained close to him, first on his knees in front of the bed, before he finally moved over to the chair. His arms folded in front of his chest he had dozed off again and again until he eventually had to admit that this was not a sleeping position that would offer him the rest he needed so much. He waited until he could be sure that there were no people in the salon anymore before he climbed on Erwin’s bed, where he laid down on his half. Freed from the sorrows of the past days, exhausted and devastated, he had fallen asleep when his head had barely touched the pillow.

When he opened his eyes for the next time the morning sun already illuminated the room and the blanket that had first only warmed Erwin now covered them both. With a silent hum Levi took a deep breath and let his gaze wander around. Lying on his back he watched the stucco ornamented ceiling until he could remember where he was. And together with the memories of the past day the same endless relief that had put him to rest the night before overtook him.  Silently, carefully taking care of not waking the other, Levi rolled over to Erwin, only to realise in surprise that Erwin was already watching him implicitly. When their gazes met Levi raised his brows, while the commander started to smile. 

“Good morning”, whispered Erwin and received a muttered reply from Levi afterwards. 

“How long have you been you awake?”, asked the physician and the smile on Erwin’s lips increased. He looked a little stronger than the day before, but was still in pain. 

“For a while.” Erwin reached out and touched Levi’s hair, his cheek until his hand finally rested on his shoulder. “But it seems as if you were more in need of rest than me.”

“Maybe.” Levi raised his hand and wiped over his eyes with the back of his hand. They still felt heavy and swollen. “The past few days were quite rough for all of us.” He let his hand sink and searched for Erwin’s gaze. “How do you feel?”

“Better. It still hurts quite badly, but considering all the possible endings of this duel I am not the one to complain here.” His finger softly slid over the fabric of Levi’s shirt, causing him to shiver. “It’s hard to believe that I have been gone for so long. I feel like I have slept forever”, whispered Erwin and let his hand slid between Levi’s shoulders. Gently he pulled the physician closer into his arms. Levi, who just let this happen, placed his head in Erwin’s arm bend and wrapped his arms around him. 

“If you only knew how barely you came out of this duel alive, you damn fool”, murmured Levi and finally reached out for Erwin’s hand, interlacing their fingers with each other. “I did almost expect you to die here. We all did.” For a moment he hesitated. The thought alone was enough to make his hands feel damp. “Even the pastor came to see you.”

They looked at each other for a long while, until Erwin could not take it any longer and lowered his gaze. Like this he blinked a few times, as if he was struggling to realise the full scope of Levi’s words, then, suddenly, a long sigh left his throat. 

“The duel”, he began and interrupted himself right away. His eyes wandered searchingly back and forth. In the end he shook his head. “I can’t remember anything, Levi. I know that Mike handed over the pistol and that we took our positions on the field. After that everything is blurred.”

Erwin raised his hand and rubbed his eyes with thumb and index finger. Levi, who once more saw these unloved images in his mind, pressed his lips together. 

“Maybe it’s better this way”, he murmured. Erwin did not answer. Instead he pulled Levi even closer and kissed his forehead. 

“No matter what happened”, he whispered and the gentle touch of Erwin’s breath made him shiver. “The worst is over now.”

“Yes”, Levi replied and closed his eyes. Until Erwin would be send back to Spain they could now finally be together. And even though that day would approach probably faster than they wished, Levi did not want to think about these things yet. Only this one time he wanted to enjoy the present moment. He took a deep breath, and finally, for the first time in weeks, he found himself fully relaxed. They remained like this for a while, until Erwin broke the silence. 

“Say, Levi”, he whispered and Levi hummed in order to signal him that he was listening. “Thinking about Miss Ral-“

“You want to know whether I changed my opinion or not”, Levi interrupted him and Erwin nodded. A half amused, half bitter snort left Levi’s throat. “Barely back from the death and you have no other things on your mind but a possible engagement of my person?”

Erwin laughed and it sounded very tender. His hands slid over Levi’s body, before they finally held his face, forcing him to look at the soldier’s eyes. Sincerely they wandered over Levi’s face.  

“It’s not as if I haven’t made myself and my intentions perfectly clear”, Erwin murmured. 

“You are incorrigible.”

Once more the commander laughed. 

“I might be”, he said and involved Levi in a kiss which he replied willingly. When Erwin parted from him, he appeared more serious than before. “So?”, he insisted and Levi, who had replied his look so far, lowered his gaze and bit his bottom lip. This man would not be satisfied until he knew what was going on.

“I have actually never acknowledged it but yes, a marriage might be a considerable option”, he said and furrowed his brows since he had not really gotten used to this thought yet. If someone had told him a couple of months ago that he would seriously consider such a connection, he would have only laughed and made a declining gesture. But now, now nothing was how it used to be anymore. The things had changed. He had changed. The Dr. Ackerman Erwin had met in early summer did not exist anymore. 

“I am so glad that you share my opinion”, whispered Erwin and buried his nose in Levi’s hair. “Have you already proposed to her?”

“No.” Levi snuggled closer to the huge man. “I was about to ask her when Eren arrived with the news of your waking up.”

“Forgive me if my modest survival has thwarted your plans for the moment”, Erwin smirked and Levi joined him doing so.

“I was almost surprised that it wasn’t Lieutenant Zacharias who interrupted me”, Levi proceeded with unhidden sarcasm, “since apparently he loves doing so.”

“Well, it seems as if this requires my physical presence as well.”

They laughed together and when Levi once more searched for Erwin’s gaze, a smirk was written over both their faces. In the most satisfied manner they looked at each other. 

“What are you planning to do now?”, Erwin asked eventually and Levi shrugged.

“I will return to the Middleton estate later and take care of the formalities”, he answered short temperedly, whereas an amused sparkling showed in Erwin’s eyes. 

“You mean you will propose to her?”

“So to speak.”

“How exciting”, Erwin muttered with faked scorn and kissed Levi once more, this time longer and more intimate. Doing so he pressed his lips so hard against Levi’s, as if he wanted to make sure that, no matter how liberal he might have acted, still took the view that the physician belonged to him. “And you will come back as soon as possible afterwards and tell me every single detail, right?”, he breathed, before he turned over and let his lips slid over Levi’s neck. 

“Certainly”, the physician whispered and opened his lips once more to reply something, but nothing but a moan should leave his lips. 

 

~*~

 

Afterwards Levi had taken a bath, dressed in fresh clothing and prepared for what was about to come. To know that Erwin’s family and his friends would not leave the soldier alone while he was gone made him confident. And when he paid Erwin a last short visit before he left, he found him surrounded by his beloved ones. It was a touching picture and the happiness over Erwin’s survival that was sparkling in Nanaba’s and Mike’s eyes could hardly be missed.

Levi boarded the first carriage he could find and drove back to the Middleton estate. When he left the vehicle cabin and finally stopped in front of the black entrance door he was suddenly filled by such nervousness that he had to gather for a moment and put his thoughts in order. He remembered their return from Nile’s dinner party, when Hange had told him about her bet with Pixis. How Petra had always searched for his proximity. And finally he saw her crying in the darkness of London’s streets, embarrassed over her wrong expectations. And now, after he had always fought the possibility because of Erwin, it would in the end just happen like everybody had expected to. Sometimes, he thought, one was the last to notice the obvious. 

One last time he took a deep breath, then reached out and knocked at the door. When the house maid opened him a few seconds later she welcomed him with the usual sincerity and asked him in. After he had given her jacket and hat, he went over to the salon and stepped in. 

The conversations of those present hushed in an instant. Levi noticed the usual faces. Hange, who was sitting at a side table next to the fire place, writing letters, furthermore the twins, who, thanks to Eren’s helping hand, wired wool into balls. There was Petra sitting on one of the armchairs, embroidering a handkerchief. And finally Mr. Middleton, who, a folded newspaper resting on his knees, was sitting in his leather wing back armchair, staring into the fire. It was obvious that they connected Levi’s sincere expression with Erwin’s health condition and therefore their eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and unhidden sorrow once they discovered him standing in the doorframe. Hange slammed her feather on the table and jumped up. 

“Levi”, she asked insistently and stepped closer to him. Her voice was trembling of fear. When she stopped in front of him she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “What happened? Don’t tell me that Erwin has-“

“He’s fine”, Levi said quickly and gently replied her handshake. “He acts just as stubborn and rigid as always.” He suggested a smile and the surrounding people sighed in relief. A nervous laughter left Hange’s throat now letting Levi go and placed her hands on her hips. 

“Thank god”, she called out and smacked Levi’s shoulder afterwards. “Shame on you that you even dare to enter this room with such a severe expression after everything we’ve been through the past few days.” She hesitated and carefully eyed him from head to toe. “But you look good, my dear. Could you finally get some rest last night?”

“Yes, I could”, Levi replied short temperedly and stepped back when Hange suddenly placed her arm around him, burying her nose in his hair. “And what a sweet smell you have. I should go and ask Nanaba where they buy their soap.” She started to giggle and Levi broke free from her grip. 

“Let me be”, he growled and turned away. He tried to ignore the looks of the others, who, even though they were used to Hange’s eccentric nature, eyed them with raised brows. He cleared his throat. 

“It’s good to know that Commander Smith is feeling better”, Petra joined their conversation and stopped her embroidering. A broad smile was written all over her face. “Considering all the trouble he had to live through this year.” She gave Levi a meaningful look. Reluctantly the physician nodded.

“That may be”, he proceeded and hesitated for a moment. “But actually this is not the true reason for my return here.”

Petra’s smile faded. With furrowed brows she replied Levi’s gaze. He could tell by the look on her face the she had no idea what this was all about. Mr. Middleton, who was sitting to their left, took the newspaper and placed it on the sofa table. 

“Well, Dr. Ackerman, I suppose you did not only return in order to pick up your protégé and luggage, or am I mistaken?” He laughed sincerely and Levi noticed this with an indicated smile, before his host proceeded. “So don’t put us on the rack, dear Sir, what is it that brings you here?”

“Mr. Middleton”, Levi replied and now had to clear his throat since it was about to break. “I would like to have a conversation with Miss Ral in private, if this is not asking too much.”

Even though nobody dared to speak after Levi had ended he felt as if it, in a very strange way, grew even more silent in this room. Even the crackling of the fire seemed to stop. Levi could hear Hange gasping for air next to him and the twins, who stared at him with wide eyes, finally burst out in roaring giggling. Levi looked over to his foster son, who replied his gaze absolutely confused and Petra, who suddenly appeared very pale, lowered her gaze. Everybody in this room knew what was about to come. 

“Well, well.” Mr. Middleton, whose lips showed the touch of a grin, clapped his hands and got up. “I don’t know how the others are feeling about this, but from my point of view there are no objections to it. Come, let’s give those two some”, he paused for effect, “space.”

With fast steps he passed through the room and indicated the others to follow him. Quickly everybody grabbed, ordered, took what should not remain in this room – especially Hange who ran back to her table and stuffed the letters in her pockets – then, like a storm that suddenly dissolved into nothingness, both were alone with each other.

They exchanged a volatile look and Petra, whose cheeks showed a gentle, reddish shimmer, finally placed her handcrafting on the side table. Afterwards she eyed him full of expectation. 

“Well”, she said and even though she tried to hide her excitement Levi would not miss the trembling that had overtaken her voice. “What is so important that you need to discuss with me in private?” 

For a moment Levi hesitated. He then stepped through the room, pulled one of the remaining chairs closer and eventually sat down right next to Petra. 

“I had actually planned to talk to you yesterday about it”, he began, “but we were interrupted when Eren joined us. There is something I want to ask you.”

He bent forward, so that he could support his elbows on his knees, folded his hands and watched her with severe, calm eyes. Her hands, which were resting on her lap, gently clenched the fabric of her dress. She hardly dared to look at him. 

“Yes?”, she asked, but her voice equalled a whisper. Levi hesitated for a moment, because, just like the day before, he was lacking of the right words. Once more he cleared his throat. It would not change anything to wait any longer. He needed to do it. 

“So many things have happened during the past days that I don’t really know where I should start, Miss Ral”, he muttered without looking at her. “The conversation with Mr. Middleton, the discussion with you after we went drinking and playing cards – it was hard for me not to think about it, no matter how horrible Commander Smith’s condition might have been.” He bit his bottom lip. “Or maybe it was just because of this. I felt as if I would betray him if I’d proposed to you, since I bitterly accused him of his engagement with Miss Wedgewood. And even though I banned this possibility from my thoughts, now, with the necessary temporal distance, I see things in a different light. We would certainly benefit from this connection, you as well as me. I would make sure you would have everything you wish for. You would work as my assistance and learn about the medical trade. You would become a woman who could earn her own money if fate or destiny would ever demand this from you. In contrary there are things I expect from you in return. You would take care of the house and servants apart and help me during the everyday work. I know it’s a lot but it is in fact the responsibility you wished for. And of course you would act discrete considering my connections to Commander Smith. This is what I can offer you.”

When he had ended he raised his head and exchanged a long look with Petra. She had turned as pale as chalk. With huge eyes she stared at him, obviously so surprised that she had to let his words sink in for a few seconds before she could manage it to answer. 

“Do you want to say-“, she began but Levi would not let her finish. 

“Yes”, he interrupted her, “do you want to marry me, Miss Ral?” He suggested a thin smile. “If Mr. Middleton wants this so badly he shall have it. A marriage is only a marriage after all. And for me it does not make any difference if you accompany me as assistance or wife to Brighthampton.”

For a while Petra did not say anything, then, suddenly she burst out into roaring laughter. Perplexed, his brows raised, Levi stared at her until she finally had calmed down. 

“Oh Dr. Ackerman”, she smiled at him “this is truly the kind of proposal every young girl is hoping for.”

“Really?”, Levi could hear himself murmur, whose voice equalled a surprised whisper. He had intentionally made this proposal rather unemotional and rational. When she noticed his expression she once more started to laugh. 

“Of course not!”, she cried out, “But well, fine. I once received a very nice marriage proposal, so it’s not up to me to complain. You are just the way you are – not a man of great words.”

The physician smiled gently.

“That’s true.”

They looked at each other until Petra finally bent over and took his hand. Warm and soft she covered his and made him shiver. 

“But you are good, sincere and honest”, Petra proceeded without loosening her gaze from him, “and you were always honest with me. I would not leave you, no matter what. Even though we only know each other for such a short time you are already like a brother to me.”

The physician nodded reluctantly, before he weighed his head to the side and eyed Petra for quite a while.

“So what is your answer?”, he finally asked, causing his opposite to smile. 

“Yes”, Petra whispered and started to smile, “yes, I will marry you, Dr. Ackerman.”

Levi, who had considered himself emotionally hardly involved into this affair, was surprised about himself when he noticed the relief that suddenly filled him due to Petra’s words. 

“So it’s decided”, he grinned and stood up. “Excuse me.”

With her promise there would be a few formal things he had to take care of as soon as possible. He squeezed her hand one last time and turned to go. He had barely passed the fire place when the door flew open with a loud bang, revealing the twin sisters, who tumbled inside, laughing and giggling. They stopped just right in front of Levi, who hesitated, eying the girls with raised brows considering their openly shown dumbness. Without saying a further word he raised his gaze and finally discovered the others standing in the doorframe. According to their faces they must have been eavesdropped the whole time. Levi pulled a wry face, even though he had not expected anything different. It was Hange’s family after all. 

He gave Eren a volatile look, who looked lost between the others, giving his foster father a broad smile. He opened his mouth to say something but it was Hange who interrupted him before even one syllable had left his lips. 

“Oh Levi!”, she cried out and had approached him within split seconds, a handkerchief clenched between her fingers, grabbing his hands so tightly that he feared for a second she would break his fingers. “Who would have seen this happening after all these years? I had already dropped my hopes and granted Pixis his triumph.” Her eyes sparkled victorious but Levi could not help himself but to stare back with a blank face. She once more exaggerated things endlessly which did not prevent her from continuing her speech. “But now it will be me who shall proceed! Oh Levi, my dearest, my closest, my most precious friend! What a twist! What a fortune! A marriage! Oh, I haven’t been to a marriage in ages! Now I don’t have to worry what will happen to you once Eren has gone to Oxford. Oh, I’m so glad-“

The longer she spoke the weaker her voice sounded. And when Levi looked closer at her face he realised to his own astonishment that her eyes filled with tears. 

“Hange”, he muttered patronisingly and tried to break free from her grip. “Pull yourself together.”

“Yes, I know, I know”, she sighed and let him go in order to dry her tears with her handkerchief. “It’s just, I had hoped for it, but I hadn’t really expected it anymore. That someone like you somehow manages it to open up his heart to another person and present your feelings that openly, is-“

“Hange”, Levi once more repeated himself, since her babbling slowly started to get on his nerves. She nodded heavily and raised her hands.

“I know you’re right”, she whispered and tried to gain back her composure. “Forgive me.” She sniffed loudly and looked over to Petra, who had watched the whole scene with a perplexed expression. 

“Miss Ral!”, Hange shouted and went over to the lady, “don’t let us wait for too long, show it to us, your engagement ring!”

Like so many times before Petra’s laughter filled the air as clear as a bell.

“Miss Zoe”, she answered with a broad grin, “do you really believe that Dr. Ackerman would waste his precious time with something as unnecessary as an engagement ring?”

She had barely finished her sentences, when Hange’s expression went through several stages of surprise, outrage and anger. 

“What do you mean?”, she whispered under breath and Petra shrugged.

“There is none.”

“There is no engagement ring?!” She whirled around. “Levi! You propose to such a lovely young lady and then you don’t even have the decency to bring a ring with you?”

“It would hardly be worth the effort”, Levi replied with a blank face “since I hope that everything will be settled and done until next week. An engagement ring would be nothing but wasted money.”

“I can’t believe it”, Hange roared and now started to pat Petra’s shoulder. “You really have an unspeakable hard fate with someone like him”, she sighed, “but as you know, if you ever have the urge to complain to someone about him you are always welcome to pay me a visit. We all know about his imperfections.”

“Thank you very much, Miss Zoe”, Petra laughed, now placing her own hand on Hange’s to prevent her from patting. “But I knew what I would get.”

They laughed at each other and Levi, who could not stand this eyesight any longer, turned away with an irritated expression. He looked over to Mr. Middleton, who was still standing next to Eren in the doorframe. Even though his face did not show any emotion over what had just happened here, Levi could not get rid of the impression, that there was the hint of a smile showing on that old man’s lips. His host finally raised his hands and waved at him. 

“Join me for a brandy, Dr. Ackerman”, he said in such a low voice that only Eren and Levi could hear him and turned to go. “Let’s leave the ladies alone with their enthusiasm and talk business.”

 

Silently Levi followed Mr. Middleton upstairs and back to his office. Once more he stepped into the tiny, for Levi’s taste too dusty place, sat down on the armchair in front of Mr. Middleton’s huge desk and answered every question the old man asked him in the following hour. 

But this time the air was filled by a strangely light-hearted mood, causing the light that fell through the matte windows to appear a lot warmer and friendlier than Levi had experienced it during their first conversation. And even though Mr. Middleton could not hide his surprise considering Levi’s sudden change of mind, he appeared to be very fond of the current developments. They agreed to handle the marriage as soon as possible, since Levi, who had not forgotten about his working duties in Brighthampton, could not refrain from admitting that he had been away from home far too long by now. During the following week already the wedding ceremony should take place, only accompanied by family and closest friends and without any luxury. Levi abandoned his right to receive a dowry, while Mr. Middleton would take care of the remaining costs and organisational details in return. 

After all, Mr. Middleton treated Levi with such an honest sincerity that the physician, who usually acted distanced and taciturn, could not ward off this friendliness. He was persuaded to have a glass of port with the others downstairs to mark the occasion. Levi who, stating that he had to return to the Smith estate right away, first wanted to turn down this invitation, finally gave in and remained for a short while in the presence of his trusted friends and future family in law.

When he finally returned to the Smith estate and hurried down the hallway that led to Erwin’s apartments, it was already dusk. It filled him with joy and happiness to be back in those familiar rooms in which he had spent the past few days as well. 

He passed through Erwin’s living room where the fire was crackling, but no one present and stopped halfway when he noticed voices from Erwin’s bedroom. A volatile look to the bedroom door was enough to see that it had not been closed properly. For a moment uncertain if he should dare it to interrupt, he approached the door as silently as he could and gazed through the narrow gap between door and door frame. He discovered Erwin, sitting, a pillow in his back, straight up in his bed. Next to him, sitting on the edge of the mattress, dressed in a gown white as snow, he saw Nanaba. They talked with low voices over things Levi could not understand in the distance. From time to time there was a volatile smile showing on the soldier’s face or the sound of laughter left his throat, causing him to furrow his brows in silent pain before he reached for his wound. Silently Levi eyed them, one hand resting on the door knob, one on the door frame, until one unintended clumsy movement made the door creak and finally revealed his presence. It was Erwin, whose eyes found him first and who, once he had recognised that there was someone else present, raised his brows in curiosity. 

“Levi?”, he could hear the voice of the commander and carefully opened the door. Nanaba, who had faced him with her back turned around. When both recognised him they started to smile. 

“I am back”, Levi said reluctantly, feeling uncomfortable over the fact that he had just interrupted their conversation. “I see you’re busy though, maybe I should come back later.”

“No, not at all”, Nanaba replied quickly. “We just talked about some episodes from our childhood days.” She laughed. “Mother had hardly let him out to play when we were young since he was so weak and sickly. All the other children kept mocking him.” She grabbed his hand and tenderly caressed it with her thumbs. Both exchanged a most familiar look. Levi, who had only watched them silently so far, noticed that his cheeks started to itch. 

“He’s lucky Lieutenant Zacharias took him under his wings”, he replied laconically and stepped closer whereas he gave Erwin an amused look. “Or am I mistaken?”

“Not at all.” Erwin snorted in amusement. “And nothing has changed about it until the present day. I’d be lost without him.” Smiling gently the soldier shook his head as if he could still not believe how lucky he was. 

“However”, Nanaba proceeded, who now let go of her brother’s hands and got up. “I think there might be plenty of things you two gentlemen need to discuss in private. My presence would only be in your way and therefore I shall go.”

“You’re dramatic”, Erwin grinned and raised his brows in the most patronising manner, causing his sister to laugh. She addressed Levi with a merry wink. 

“Look at him how he is sitting there as if butter would not melt in his mouth”, she said in a mocking tone, “even though he has hardly talked about anything but you in your absence.”

“Nanaba!” Admonishingly, filled with brotherly harshness and embarrassed outrage, Erwin’s voice filled the air. Nanaba, whose grin only broadened due to her brother’s reaction, gave Levi one last meaningful look before she turned to go.

“Take good care of my brother”, she said to the physician, touching his shoulder in silent friendship, then, only seconds later, she had disappeared. When Levi looked to Erwin once more afterwards, he could not refrain from smiling. The soldier’s cheeks shimmered reddish. 

“Well, well”, Levi said silently and stepped closer, “is this true? That you have hardly talked about anything but me?”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way”, Erwin replied, now raising his eyebrows and lowering his gaze, still visibly embarrassed about his sister’s frankness. Finally, though, he started to smile as well. “But I can’t deny it either.”

They exchanged a look before Levi sat down next to him. Erwin appeared to Levi’s relief much more rested than when he had left him. Someone had washed and shaved him. His hair lay as neatly as he usually used to wear it. He had even changed his clothes. When he was sitting like this in front of Levi, showing the gentle smile Levi loved so much, he looked just exactly like back then when they had met in Brighthampton for the first time. Finally the corners of Levi’s mouth started to twitch. He reached out and readjusted the commander’s shirt collar. 

“As good as new”, he smirked, causing the other to laugh. Erwin grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“No. Better”, Erwin said with a solid voice and his eyes shimmered roguish. “Our scars tell the stories of our lives – isn’t that what people say?”

Levi shrugged. 

“They do, probably.”

“And they make us who we are.”

“I think”, Levi replied and patronizingly raised his brows, “that you have collected enough scars during this year to fill a whole book with stories of your adventures.”

Erwin snorted in amusement and a mischievous smile showed on his lips. 

“You are probably right with that.”

They fell silent. In silent harmony they remained next to each other, exchanged the one or another tender touching or gaze from time to time, knowing that words weren’t necessary in this moment. A deep, inner calmness filled the physician’s heart. Since they had overcome all the barriers that had kept them apart, he could now finally be at ease. Still holding the commander’s hand he only let it go in order to get rid of his jacket. Afterwards he climbed on the bed, sat down and leaned his back against the bed frame. Their shoulders touched. Levi felt the warmth of the familiar body on his own and it felt good. It felt so incredibly good. 

“Say, Levi”, Erwin finally whispered and his voice indicated that he was already about to doze off. The physician raised his head and looked at him. “How long are you planning to let me wait?” 

Levi closed his eyes and leaned back. His mouth twitched quite amused. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, he muttered and with every second they remained like this the smirking that was written all over his face increased. When he finally opened his eyes and looked over to the commander from the corners of his eyes, the icy blue eyes seemed to pierce right through him. Levi’s smile faded.

“She said yes”, he whispered unintentionally. For a few seconds Erwin’s eyes wandered back and forth over Levi’s face, as if he wanted to check if Levi was really telling the truth. When he was certain about that, he nodded seriously. 

“So you’re engaged now”, he said in a low voice, while his tone indicated that he as well was surprised over this positive outcome. Levi nodded.

“Yes, it seems like this.”

“Good grief.” The commander started to laugh and Levi could not resist from joining him. “Who would have had expected something like this in the beginning?”

“Nobody, I suppose.” Levi sighed and let his gaze wander around. “At least I didn’t. But Hange wins her bet due to this marriage, let’s grant her the victory.”

“Her bet?” Erwin raised his brows and Levi raised his hand, waving it up and down.

“Forget it. It’s just a childish game between her and Pixis considering my bachelorhood.”

“I see.” Erwin turned Levi’s hand back and forth in his own until he finally loosened his grip and reached for Levi’s ring finger. Thoughtfully his fingertips touched the place where the skin would soon be hidden by a ring. “When will the ceremony take place?”

“Next week.” With lowered gaze Levi eyed Erwin’s caresses, before he finally raised his hand and breathed a kiss against Erwin’s knuckles. 

“So soon”, the commander replied. 

“I can’t stay in London forever, Erwin. It’s about time for me to return to Brighthampton. My medical practice has been closed for too long already.”

The soldier nodded reluctantly. Even though he seemed to understand Levi’s words the joy disappeared for a moment from his eyes. 

“When do you plan to go back?”, he finally asked and Levi furrowed his brows, thinking for a while before he answered. 

“Around the end of next week”, he answered before a sigh left his lips. “All my patients will most likely have already betrayed me and moved to Dr. Billings, that old quack.” He clicked his tongue as if this was a matter of fact. 

“My duel kept you here”, he answered silently and sounded sad. “Forgive me. Considering the economic loss I’ve caused you-“

“I stayed in London because I wanted to”, Levi interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, “no matter what I might have said on this day. Furthermore we will be separated from each other long enough once they’ve send you and Lieutenant Zacharias back to Spain.” 

“You may be right”, Erwin replied, whose voice had taken a bitter tone considering his approaching return to Spain. With a long sigh he leaned his head against the dark wood and fell silent for a while. His eyes searchingly wandered back and forth. Levi could not tell what he was seeing, but according to his facial expression the horrors of the past war years seemed to show in front of his inner eye once more. Helplessly Levi pressed the commander’s hand and the longer he looked at him, the stronger grew the sorrow he felt. 

“Erwin?”, he could hear himself ask. Once more he needed to address the other before he could reach through to him. When their eyes eventually met Erwin opened his mouth but remained silent. For a moment he needed to gather his thoughts before he finally found back his voice. He did not appear frightened, no. There was something different than that. Something that Levi could not read or interpret. Something that could probably only truly be understood by those who shared Erwin’s destiny. 

“Oh Levi”, the tall man sighed, “I would do so many things if they would enable me to return with you to Brighthampton.” He suspected a smile, but it did not reach his eyes. “Those days back then were the very few good ones this year.” Once more he shook his head. “If it wasn’t for this terrible war - and my vow. I am waiting for the day where I can finally resign from the army. It’s enough, Levi. I’m tired.”

Silently Levi looked at him, uncertain what he should reply. He would have done anything in order to free him from this duty. But he was only a common countryside physician. Such things were not up to him. And it hurt him to see Erwin so agitated and broken after everything they had lived through in order to be together.

Suddenly, though, Levi’s gaze enlightened.

“Say, Erwin”, he began and turned towards the other, “how long will you stay in England?”

“For about two more months”, he replied. Levi nodded. Then he gently touched Erwin’s shoulders and looked at him most determinedly. 

“Listen”, he began with a solid voice, “give Miss Ral some time to make herself at home in my place. Get your things in order. Recover. And then come to Brighthampton and be my guest.”

Erwin raised his brows and replied Levi’s gaze in silent surprise, before a gentle smile showed on his lips. 

“How long am I allowed to stay?”, he asked visibly fond of this idea, while Levi only snorted in return.

“As long as you like”, he said casually. “Furthermore it will be the last time that you can meet Eren there. That boy will be in Oxford from next summer.”

They looked at each other and finally Erwin started to smile the broadest smile. 

“You can’t believe how much I want to follow this invitation.”

“Well”, Levi replied and raised his brows. “It’s settled then?”

“It’s settled.”

“Good.”

Visibly satisfied Levi replied the smile of the other before he finally reached out, letting his fingertips gently slide over Erwin’s bandages that was still wrapped around his neck. Even though Levi could not hide the happiness to be here with him, signs of sorrow showed on his face whenever his eyes gazed at Erwin’s wound. 

“Has Dr. Miller taken care of this today?”, he asked eventually and caused Erwin to nod in return. 

“Yes”, he replied and involuntarily touched the bandages. “He told me that the wound is healing exemplarily. My body will have fully recovered before too long.”

“Well, your body should by now have some experience when it comes to dealing with bullet wounds”, Levi answered and suggested a mocking smile. “You and Eren would certainly have a lot to talk about.”

“Yes.” Erwin started to laugh until the pain forced him to stop. With sparkling eyes he gently rubbed his neck and eyed the physician with a meaningful look. “Even though I wouldn’t mind to leave it like that, you know?” 

“Me neither.” 

With a smile Erwin leaned back before he rolled over to the side. These short phases of conviviality still exhausted him. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. Silently Levi eyed him, before he reached out and pulled the blanket over Erwin’s shoulder. He remained this way before he gently touched the blonde hair. Words were hardly enough to describe the gratitude he felt considering the fact that he could sit here with the man he loved so much. With a kind smile Levi kept him company, until Erwin, who Levi had believed to have fallen asleep, once more raised his voice. 

“Say, Levi”, he whispered with closed eyes and Levi, who had sat next to him lost in thoughts, hummed an agreeing sound. “Do you think Miss Ral is in love with you?”

“No”, Levi replied without thinking long about it. He eyed the soldier from the corners of his eyes. No matter how self confident Erwin might have acted, he could not hide the signs of sorrow in front of Levi. “She loves me like a sister loves her brother, I think. She said it herself.”

The soldier nodded once more, which let the sheets rustle. 

“Good”, he whispered and Levi, who shook his head in silence, finally bent over the blonde. Carefully he breathed a kiss against his temples.

“You should rest”, he whispered.

“Yes”, the other said. He gave a muttered sound of joy and had soon fallen asleep. It was Levi who stayed by his side, carefully holding his hand, absolutely determined to wake over the sleeping man so that now and never again something bad would happen to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I think this is the first time ever I have been late for an upload, and I'm terribly sorry. As I have mentioned it the week before I had spent the whole week in Mannheim and therefore I could not check what my beta had remarked. But of course, it was the first thing to do today, and here we go!
> 
> It was a quite funny trip to Mannheim which shall be repeated before too long. It turned out that the house in which Schiller lived is only open on weekends, so I couldn't go there. Also the other museum which showed some handwritten things by him was closed as well. Bad luck for me. It turned out though that we did not only just live next door, our favourite bar was the same, haha. Seems as if INTJ writers kind of work the same. Oh, also it turned out that the Robbers were first played next door from my old flat. I hadn't known about it and was super excited hearing this. The play itself though - and I bet Schiller, who wanted people to stick to the text like he had written them - would have disagreed with it as much as I did. It was a really modern performance - which is not necessarily bad - but they shortened the text about 1/3. I mean I know that they want to give it a more modern touch etc., but the play itself is still super good. And for me, who writes, I consider it a lack of respect to change texts or shorten them only because the author is dead and can't fight back. The text is intended the way it is written. Every wort is intended to be there. If you want to lengthen or shorten texts go and write your own theater plays. >_>  
> I had a lot of fun though nevertheless :D
> 
> Also I have applied for a literature scholarship. If I would get it, I would not have to worry about money for at least a year, so that would be really nice. But of course a lot of people will apply for that and therefore I don't consider my chance to be that high. We'll see. I'll keep you updated. 
> 
> Futhermore I'm still correcting Lend Me Your Summer (the German version). It takes such a long time, honestly. I've been working on it for a month now and I only checked like 100 pages (700 left to go ahahaha...). Before that I won't allow myself to write down the child eruri thing. I want to hand this in around August. 
> 
> To the chapter - I started giggling like a little boy from time to time while rereading it. I loved all the Eruri conversations here, of course I do. The fact that they sit there together and come up with that marriage proposal is just so them.  
> What I liked as well was Levi stepping into the salon and asking for some private time with Mrs. Ral - all these reactions, hilarious! Especially Hange. I know I keep repeating myself, but this video is the reaction video of choice:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrQFBYgwQW8 (HANGE. 100%).  
> Mr. M. definitely knew what was going on from the second Levi entered this room, this man has some magic skills. Apart from that I bet Mr. Darcy would have congratulated Levi for this absolutely unromantic and rational marriage proposal... :D I really loved the surprised sound of Levi's voice when he asked her: "...really?" when she made fun with him.  
> And of course also Hange who was super angry about the fact that Levi did not even bother to bring a ring. He's such a pragmatic guy.  
> So yes, Levi is engaged. Haven't seen this coming either when I wrote this down for the first time. It just... kind of happened. Erwin made me do this, I swear!
> 
> So yeah. Time for dinner, correcting some more pages and eventually watching Les Miserables with a friend of mine - after searching for WEEKS I also finally found a German translation of this book with about 1700 pages. YAY. Can't wait for it to arrive. (That man can't do short just like me.).
> 
> Also: 500 kudos?! WHAT ON EARTH GUYS?! THANK YOU!!!
> 
> See you in two weeks!


	26. Visitors

The general’s death had caused a  rarely seen scandal in London. It was not much of a surprise, since the  deceased had been a high-ranking military member. And even though Erwin’s relatives and friends did everything in their power to hide the social disturbances that had been caused due to his actions, Levi suspected quickly that every detail could not be hidden away. At latest when the housemaid had started to cut out all the newspaper articles that mentioned the incident, Erwin, to whom the holes in the paper offered an involuntary view on the surrounding people during breakfast, must have become suspicious. Yet still he did not ask any questions to Levi’s surprise. The physician felt as if the commander, who could not even remember the duel as such,  remained in unknowingness on purpose.

After about one week the scandal had faded into the usual social background noise and nobody even tried to bring up this unfortunate topic again for discussion. 

It was the day before the planned wedding ceremony, a Tuesday in early October, neither too sunny nor too cloudy. Mr. Middleton had done the impossible and in fact found a church not too far away from the house that would take care of the service. And even though they refrained from all the unnecessary luxury that Levi hated so much, the physician had to take care of so many things that his head started spinning from time to time. 

Still though, he spent the remaining days to most parts at the Smith estate. It was a fact that Petra tolerated with a wink and Mr. Middleton by furrowing his brows in surprise, since, after all, he could not really understand the physician’s way of acting. Apart from that Levi was looking forward to the promised visit of the blonde commander in Brighthampton. Time flew. There was no reason right now to be worried. Everyone, Erwin and Levi included, was in a merry mood. 

They spent the afternoon in each other’s company in Erwin’s living room. There was Mike accompanied by his dog, who was sitting silently at a table. He was playing cards  by himself. Nanaba, who was sitting right next to him, was embroidering a pillow. Her cheeks  were shimmering in a shy red – Levi felt, as if she was always on the side of the silent lieutenant. It was something that Erwin seemed not to be offended about – rather the opposite. The commander himself was sitting in a leather armchair not far from the fireplace. He held a black notebook in his hands in which he had been writing all sorts of things during the past few days. Levi, who was  leafing through the perforated newspaper of the present day while standing next to the fireplace, gave Erwin a volatile look. He then folded it together, placed it on a side table and went over to Erwin. Thereby he passed Mike, who nodded at the physician with a patronizing grin. 

“Dr. Ackerman”, he addressed him, causing him to stop. “What do you think? You still owe me a party for the declined revenge at Mr. Dawk’s dinner.”

The physician snorted in amusement and gently raised his brows before he answered.

“Another time, Lieutenant." He stopped and shifted his hands into his pockets. “How about tomorrow night, together with Miss Ral?”

With a thin smile Levi looked over to Nanaba, who had stopped her handcrafting and listened to their conversation. “Miss Smith doesn’t look to me like a passionate card player, to be honest”, he proceeded.

The lady started to laugh.

“Good grief, no”, she giggled and shook her head. “Gambling and card games have always been abhorrent to me. It’s more than enough to witness the one or another party from time to time without being involved. My brother is more passionate when it comes to such pastimes, though.”

“And I wouldn’t mind a party of cards tonight at all”, Erwin joined from the background and stopped writing. His eyes sparkled in excitement in the shine of the fire. “It does not always have to be whist, Doctor.”

“No, definitely not”, Mike agreed with him, broadening his grin due to Erwin’s words even more. “There are so many card games. So, Dr. Ackerman, what do you think? Will you join us?”

A sigh left his throat. Those two men could not be helped. And they would not leave him alone until he had sacrificed himself for a party. 

“If you insist, Lieutenant”, he replied, lacking of enthusiasm. “There you go.”

Mike clapped his hands.

“Fine”, he said and appeared to be in an even better mood all of a sudden. “But this lousy set of cards won’t do it.”

“There should be more in the smoker’s lounge, Mike”, Erwin replied thoughtfully. He had already returned to his writing practice. “Shall I go and get them?”

“No, old boy.” The giant shook his head and got up. “Get some rest. I know my way around. And if I fail I know where I can find you.”

He winked at Nanaba, pushed his chair back and turned to go, only followed by his dog. Seconds later the door closed behind him. Nanaba, who  watched him leave , returned to her embroidery with a dreamy smile. 

His hands still hidden in his pockets, Levi went over to Erwin and bent over his notes. 

“Say, Erwin”, he began and let his eyes wander over the lovely handwriting. “I haven’t seen you writing as much during the past months as in the past three days. What on earth are you doing there?”

“Oh, this and that”, Erwin replied casually, his lips indicating a smile. “Things that keep my mind busy. Things that I don’t want to forget. All kinds of things.”

The physician nodded reluctantly, then, with a rapid movement, he pulled the book out of Erwin’s hands and whirled around so he could look at it. Silently his eyes slid over the lines. He turned some of the pages and when he finally realised what he was holding there, he turned pale. 

“You’re writing about us?”, he whispered in such a low voice that Nanaba could not hear them.

“I’m writing over the year 1812”, Erwin shook his head, but the expression in his eyes revealed him a liar. “Don’t you think that all sorts of noteworthy things have happened? No matter how long I live, I want be able to remember Badajoz, all the small and big adventures we had to live through to get to this point. And of course, I want to remember you.” He nodded in order to underline his words. “I used to have a diary when I was a little boy. Maybe I should come back to this habit.”

“That’s actually not that bad”, Levi muttered and did not hide his admiration. He had never been familiar with these kinds of journals. He had never considered the things that happened to him important enough to record them for posterity. But Erwin seemed to know exactly what needed to be written down in this book.

“May I?”, Levi asked. Erwin smiled his gentle smile.

“Go ahead”, he replied and leaned back, visibly curious about what Levi would have to tell him about this. He carefully looked at the pages, scanned them more than he read them. Still, everything appeared so strangely foreign and familiar at once that it almost made him shiver. Here and there Erwin had added some pencil drawings. Scenes from Brighthampton, the estate of Stenton Park, the glade where they had fought their duel. His own salon. The small garden house that had provided them shelter during the summer ball. Small portraits of all the people involved. Erwin had invested so much love and detail that Levi did not know what to say. 

“Do you like it?”, Erwin asked eventually. 

“Yes, I do”, Levi whispered seriously, now closing the book. “I do like it very much. But tell me, what do you do if this happens to end up in the wrong hands? The things you’ve written down here could send us to the gallows and you know that.”

“Yes”, Erwin replied and a sigh left his lips. “I am very well aware of that. But let me tell you that I have already figured out some place to hide it, where nobody will find it during my absence. Be unconcerned.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Please trust me with that. You know, Levi, memories are volatile. Just as pencil drawings they fade if someone takes them out too often. Written down they will not change, no matter how often one rereads them.”

“Yes.” Levi nodded. Erwin was, as usually, absolutely right and he decided to rely on him in this matter. They smiled at each other, before he handed the book back to Erwin. Afterwards Erwin looked over to the door and furrowed his brows. 

“I wonder what  takes Mike so long”, he asked thoughtfully and weighed his head to the side. “The smoker’s lounge is just around the corner. And he normally knows exactly where to look for them as well.”

Levi snorted. 

“Maybe he had to take a dump and it won’t come out”, he said grinning and raised his brows in the most meaningful manner before a coughing sound in the background wiped the smiling from his face. 

“I don’t mind your shared happiness, but please do not forget that there are still ladies in the room, will you?”, Nanaba addressed them quite laconically, causing Erwin to break out into roaring laughter. When he finally had calmed down again, he needed to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes. Levi smiled as well. 

“We should not forget about our good upbringing and hold back”, Erwin grinned. “This is not a military barrack after all.”

“This one time I shall agree with you”, Levi acceded, “even though there is not much of a good upbringing I can refer to. You shall forgive me, I suppose.”

“This one time I will make an exception for you, Dr. Ackerman”, Nanaba laughed and all the three of them exchanged an amused look before everyone returned to their pursuits. Erwin was just about to start writing again, when it knocked on the door. When the door finally opened and revealed Mike the three others furrowed their brows. It was unusual for him to do so, since he was basically a member of the Smith family. Erwin and Levi exchanged a meaningful look before they once more gazed over to the door. Levi noticed that Mike had not returned alone. Three grown men accompanied him. None of them  were familiar to Levi. Uncertain what to think about this situation Levi eyed the Lieutenant, from whose face had disappeared the light-heartedness of earlier hours. Still carrying the package with playing cards in his hands, he stepped aside and offered the view on the new arrivals. He did not introduce them. Levi, who did not understand what was going on, reached for his chest. His heartbeat was accelerating. Next to him Erwin jumped up so hastily that he, caused by the loss of blood, only unsteadily came to a stop. Doing so the book he had been holding before slid out of his hands and dropped on the ground. 

 

_ [OST](https://open.spotify.com/track/0gxv7fQVzczHm8lty0UICj) _

 

“Colonel Farnsworth, Sir”, Erwin greeted the new arrival who had entered the living room first. All of them were wearing military uniforms, but only the first one seemed to be high in rank. Levi suspected this due to the countless piping and trimmings that decorated his uniform. It was a man of about sixty years of age whose slightly curly hair, even though it showed some grey strands, was of sandy colour. Vigilant eyes in a narrow face covered with freckles wandered through the room. And even though his lips indicated a thin smile, it appeared so calculating that Levi narrowed his eyes in distrust. He felt uneasy about him.  

“Commander Smith”, the strange man replied with a fake easiness that made Levi shiver. Together with his companions he stepped in the middle of the salon, which seemed to cool down by his mere presence. Silently he passed the room while the others stopped next to Mike. From time to time that man let his fingertips slide over the surrounding things, showing the expression of a child that eyed his new toys in eager curiosity. “Such a nice place you have here”, he addressed Erwin in a casual manner, while he eyed the golden watch on the  fireplace . He took down a silver jewellery box, opened it and looked inside before he placed it back. “Especially the entrance hall”, he continued and merrily clicked his tongue. “This plain, extensive design – the white colour and marble offers the mind the necessary broadness to unfold, don’t you think so? Architecture in the name of Enlightenment – very well – and definitely suiting a freethinker as you are, Smith.” He chuckled as if he had made a joke but then the smiling expression slowly faded. What he had just said did not sound like a compliment. Farnsworth was a breathtaking and dominant man, no matter how much he tried to hide it behind a mask of friendliness. Levi, who again and again looked searchingly over to Erwin, disliked him already. And the vigilant obedience with which Erwin addressed him unsettled him even more. 

“What provides me the honour of your visit, sir?”, Erwin proceeded, his voice not revealing any emotions. The colonel laughed, but it sounded not quite amused. With a blank face Levi clenched his teeth. He exchanged a look with Mike, who looked not less concerned than Levi felt. 

“My dear Commander Smith”, Colonel Farnsworth replied, shaking his head in disbelief. “I think you know this very well on your own.” He clapped his hands and turned away from the fireplace. Very slowly, but filled with self confidence, he came over to them. When he finally stopped only a few meters away from Erwin, Levi could actually hear the heavily beating heart of the commander. And still his face equalled a mask. 

“You tell me, sir”, Erwin insisted. The gaze of the new arrival darkened suddenly, as if Erwin had given the wrong answer for too many times. 

“I’m coming due to the dreadful incident regarding the death of General Wedgewood”, he replied and with every syllable the mood in this room grew more strained. “He died through your hands, even though you seem to have forgotten about that. But how can it be helped? You’ve been wounded yourself, at least that’s what people say, and we all know that such things can affect the memory of a human being.” He suggested a cold smile. When Erwin did not reply anything the colonel nodded a few times, just as if some things now finally started to make sense to him. Silently both men stared at each other, then, when the mood had become so thick it could be almost touched with bare hands, Colonel Farnsworth slammed his hand on the table. Nanaba, who was sitting next to him, cried out and dropped her embroidery work. “Damn you, Smith, don’t act more stupid than you truly are!”, he yelled at the commander, obviously losing his temper. Unnoticeably Erwin clenched his teeth once the other proceeded. “How can you dare to act unknowingly after all the things you have committed against the royal crown in this year? First you fail to fulfil your duties in Spain and are almost shot due to your foolishness, apart from that mental breakdown that brought you back to England afterwards. Do you really think I am not aware of all of this?! The fact itself that you have been sent back to England already marks a goodwill that you hardly deserved. And now look at you, getting yourself involved in one duel after another, standing in front of me as if butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.” He clicked his tongue and proceeded in a much lower voice. “It’s nothing but annoyance with you. This is not the way I raised you, Smith. Zacharias, that applies to you as well. Do you have the slightest idea how infamously your actions have discredited me? Not just me, but also your regiment and everyone who is acquainted with you. Your reputation-“ He burst out laughing but it sounded bitterly. In order to illustrate his words he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. “Consider it gone. You can count yourself lucky that you have not been dishonourably discharged right away.”

Filled with suppressed anger Levi narrowed his eyes and gave the colonel a glare, so furious that it would have melted ice. How could he dare it to talk about Erwin in such an impertinent manner? If it was not about his rank Levi would have showed him with his very own fists that not a single person on this world had the right to address the man he loved this way. Colonel Farnsworth, though, ignored him completely. It was as if he would not even notice that Levi was in the room. 

“Sir”, Erwin began once more and Levi did not miss the barely noticeable trembling that had overtaken his voice. From the corners of his eyes he looked over to him. Even though Erwin still acted restrained, Levi could clearly see the dismay that showed in the commander’s eyes due to Farnsworth’s words. “What is it that you want to talk with me about in this case?”

“Nothing I can and want to illustrate in the presence of civilians, Smith”, Colonel Farnsworth proceeded unimpressed. With a smile, so friendly that it brought Levi to the edge of his self-control, he nodded into Levi’s and Nanaba’s directions. “Would you please show the decency to send those who are not involved into this out of the room? It won’t take long, anyway.”

Slowly, visibly unsettled, Nanaba got up from her chair and gathered her embroidery from the ground. With huge, watery blue eyes she looked back and forth between those present, sorrowful, before Mike, who had stepped closer, placed a hand on her shoulder. Levi, who was still standing next to the commander, hesitated to obey the colonel’s orders.

“Erwin”, he growled silently, ready to chase them to the devil once Erwin demanded it from him. The soldier though only shook his head. 

“Let them be, Levi”, he whispered insistently. “I beg you.”

Levi sighed. He gave the others one last, hostile gaze before he gently touched Erwin’s elbow.

“Fine”, Levi muttered in a low voice, “but don’t back down. We will be waiting for you outside.”

He took a deep breath, then turned away and passed the room towards the door. Nanaba followed him. Mike, though, remained unmoved on his spot. When Colonel Farnsworth noticed this, he shook his head. 

“Lieutenant Zacharias, you leave as well.”

“But sir-“, the lieutenant began with furrowed brows, but he would not be allowed to finish his request. 

“This is an order, Zacharias. You can count yourself lucky that you have only witnessed this duel as a second. And now get out of my eyes. Your mere presence dishonours me.”

For split seconds Mike’s chestnut brown eyes widened in silent shock due to the rudeness of Farnsworth’s words. 

“Yes, sir”, he whispered and suggested a bow. He then followed Levi and Nanaba outside to the hallway. When the door closed behind them, Nanaba gasped for air next to Levi. With trembling hands she reached for the white lace coat that had been wrapped around her shoulders. She looked miserable and Levi as well did not feel much better. This Colonel Farnsworth was an unspeakable dreadful person. 

“What could he want?”, she asked and looked back and forth between both man in the most unsettled manner.

“No matter what it might be”, Levi replied, still glaring at the door, “that schmuck is up to something.” Suddenly he turned on his heels and nodded towards the lieutenant. “Zacharias, what’s going on here?”, he asked in sorrow. “What’s the meaning of all of this? Don’t tell me they’ve come here to arrest him?”

“I don’t know”, Mike replied with a matte voice. He sighed and folded his arms in front of his chest. Levi, who had secretly hoped that Mike would somehow manage it to calm the others down, sighed. 

“You don’t know?” he asked in disbelief. 

“No, I don’t.”

“But you’re serving under their orders, who, if not you, could-“

“It might be that I have some suspicions about the true reason for their visit, Dr. Ackerman”, Mike interrupted, even though he appeared as calm as usual, “but it’s of no use to raise panic where no hard facts could bring certainty. Believe me once I tell you that you don’t want to hear anything of that before we know exactly what they are talking about right now.”

“But you will surely be informed about the possible options that are likely to occur?”, Levi insisted. Mike looked to Nanaba from the corners of his eyes and hesitated. He weighed his head back and forth as if he was unsure whether this was something he wanted a lady to know, then shook his head and lowered his gaze. 

“Let’s wait for their meeting to end, Dr. Ackerman. Erwin will most likely inform us about everything afterwards.” He suggested an encouraging smile, but it faded quickly. A sigh left his throat. “From the moment on in which Wedgewood was shot and collapsed I knew that this would mean nothing but trouble”, he muttered and pulled a wry face. “Oh, how I hate being right.”

“It can’t be helped”, Nanaba raised her voice. She looked a little calmer now and gave Levi a brave smile. “Let’s stay here. It’s easier waiting together than alone, right?” Once she had finished she lowered her gaze and Mike who would not miss this, stepped closer. In his typical, calm way he involved her into a conversation. Levi, who had nothing to add to this, sat down on one of the surrounding chairs and folded his arms. They remained like this, waiting, once more filled by a bad premonition over the fate of the so troublesome Erwin Smith. In the background sounded the silent ticking of the wooden hall clock, which seemed to sound louder and louder with every passing second. From time to time they noticed muffled voices from the inside of Erwin’s salon, then, for a devastating long time, nothing but silence. 

When the door to the salon was opened once more it was not Erwin who wanted to invite them back inside, but Colonel Farnsworth. He was about to leave, escorted by his fellow companions. He appeared softer and more peaceful than before, since he had most likely been able to talk about the things that had been on his mind. And still Levi did not  miss the resigned exhaustion that showed in his eyes. 

“Miss Smith”, he addressed the lady, who politely bowed in front of him due to his words. “Please excuse our invasion. I know my presence here is more than unasked. But sometimes the circumstances won’t allow anything different.” He nodded towards the others, then turned around and left under the remark that they would find their way outside on their own. Seconds later the sound of their  footsteps in the staircase was everything that proved their presence. 

Without hesitating Levi, who was accompanied by Mike and Nanaba, stepped into the salon. Erwin was still standing in front of the armchair and the notebook was still lying next to him on the ground. For a second Levi’s heart stopped beating. The gaze of the commander was staring into space, his face as white as paper. Only when Nanaba approached him and devotedly grabbed his hands, he finally seemed to notice the presence of his dearest friends. He  blinked and looked back and forth between them, until he finally understood who was standing in front of him. 

“Erwin”, Nanaba whispered with a trembling voice. “What happened? What did Colonel Farnsworth want to talk with you about? What was the outcome?”

“She’s right, Erwin”, Mike agreed with her. “Now tell us. What were his true intentions?”

For an almost endless amount of time Erwin did not answer. Silently he lowered his gaze. His eyes searchingly wandered over the ground, as if he had no words for what had just occurred within these walls. When he finally raised his voice he had taken a sound that made Levi shiver. 

“I’ll be punished due to the fact that I shot General Wedgewood”, he said very calmly. Nanaba gasped for air and Levi as well could not hide a silent wheeze. 

“What exactly are they intending to do with you?”, Mike asked, visibly struggling to keep a straight face. 

“I don’t know”, Erwin replied. “I was informed that there will be a trial. Anything further will be decided within the next couple of days.”

Nanaba heavily shook her head. 

“No”, she burst out and her voice almost cracked. “I shall not allow this. That’s not right! They can’t lock you away! It was  _ him  _ who challenged you!” She sounded furious, so  outraged that Erwin once more fell silent. “This year was horrible enough for all of us”, Nanaba proceeded and sounded as if her strength was slowly fading, “why can’t they just leave us alone for once?”

“Nanaba.” Tenderly he pulled her hands closer and breathed a brotherly kiss against her knuckles. “Calm down, nothing has been decided yet. Nobody will lock me away, will you listen to me?”

“Do you promise it?”, she breathed with a weak voice. They exchanged a long look.

“I promise it”, he whispered and smiled. She then burst out into tears. Without any further word Erwin wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, holding her while she cried out her grief and anger in loud sobs out into the world. Silently Levi watched him doing so. He did not know exactly what it was – but he could not really believe his words. 

 

 

_ Shut down OST _

 

They stayed together until everybody had fully calmed down. Later, in an unobserved moment, Levi and Erwin sneaked out of the house and headed for a walk in the extensive garden of the Smith family. It was the first time for Erwin to leave the house since the duel. He was still so weak, that he needed to rest after only minutes of walking and therefore they soon sat down underneath an old oak providing a decent view of the local pond. They talked about all sorts of things. It was mainly Levi who was talking about the upcoming wedding ceremony organizational issues. Erwin, who listened silently, from time to time threw rocks into the lake. But the longer Levi went on like this, the more thoughtful appeared Erwin, until he finally asked the physician to stop his speech. 

“Say, Levi-“, he began.

“What is it?”

Erwin lowered his gaze and said nothing for a moment. His face was the expression of a man who was caught between politeness and curiosity. 

“Tell me about the duel”, he said eventually. 

“The duel?”, Levi asked. Thousands things he would rather had loved to talk about came to his mind immediately. 

“Yes”, Erwin replied seriously. He looked at Levi and the physician knew right away that this was something Erwin must have been thinking for the whole afternoon. “I must what happened.”

Levi bit his bottom lip and leaned back against the grooved stem of the oak tree. Silently he stared at the pond, his face showing unhidden  restraint . After a few seconds he sighed.

“Well, fine”, he muttered and gave Erwin a volatile look from the corners of his eyes, that was replied most rigidly. “One single time I will tell you about this. And then I want to forget what happened. Even though I seriously doubt that I will ever be able to do so.” His voice sounded bitter. “To be honest, I was grateful that you could not remember”, he whispered and Erwin raised his brows. 

“Why?”, he asked silently. 

“Because-“ Levi interrupted himself and bit his bottom lip. “Because I have never felt more powerless in my whole life than on this morning”, he muttered in a matte tone. Erwin raised his hand in order to touch him but Levi slapped it away. 

“Let me be”, it burst out of him. “I don’t need your pity. Make yourself useful and tell me the last thing of this morning you can remember.”

“I turned around in order to fire a shot”, Erwin answered, morosely letting his hand sink. Levi nodded short temperedly. He then fell silent for a long time. In his thoughts he revisited every little detail and the longer he remained like this the more unsettled he appeared. His lips forming only a thin line, he plucked out blades of grass, took a stone from time to time and threw it away, before he could finally gather enough courage to start his narration.

“You shot General Wedgewood before he could even prepare his own shot. If he was too slow or if he hesitated is something nobody can say for certain”, Levi explained to him with a low voice. He did not look at Erwin at all. Reluctantly he licked over his lips. “After that you returned to us. You appeared merry, just like Lieutenant Zacharias and me. All of us were very relieved about the outcome.”

“But if I won the duel”, Erwin began and furrowed his brows. “Why was it me who was shot in the end?”

“Because Wedgewood is a low and deceitful son of a dog, that’s why”, Levi burst out. He had to take a deep breath in order not to lose his temper. “And a poor loser as well. I can’t tell you exactly what happened, since you involved me into a conversation. It’s most likely that Wedgewood somehow managed it to get his hands on his weapon. He shot at you. Mike intervened and shot in the same second. It was his bullet which eventually killed Wedgewood, but it was too late. You had been wounded already. First you did not seem to realise until the blood wetted your neck and cravat. You reached out for it. I dare say I will never forget the look on your face when you examined your bloodstained hand. You gazed over at us. Once  our eyes met you collapsed.”

An awkward silence spread between them and Levi, who looked sadder with every word that left his lips, finally lowered his gaze. Silently he looked at his hands that had been covered in red on this unlucky morning, soaked in blood. The severity with which Levi spoke made it perfectly clear that Erwin had been closer to the death than to the living. Without saying a word he looked at Levi with an expression as if he tried to imagine what had happened back then. 

“When you did those thirty steps”, Levi went on after a phase of absolute silence, “I carefully watched your face. I tried to understand what you might have been thinking in these moments. You did look different from the duel against me.”

Wordlessly Erwin leaned the back of his head against the stem. His right leg stretched out, the left one pulled close to his body he supported his elbow on it. Erwin nodded reluctantly.

“I might have tried to remember why I am doing this”, he finally said. “In contrary to the duel in Brighthampton this was a duel I wanted to fight, Levi, more or less. It was the chance to cut all the links to the past by a single shot.” He suggested a smile and looked for a second like a boy who was hoping to be praised for his bravery. 

“Were you scared?”, Levi asked. He could not take away his eyes from the soldier. Erwin, though, only shook his head. 

“I don’t think so”, he replied with a steady voice. “I was very well aware of the fact that I could die in this duel. General Wedgewood truly was a gifted shooter. But if I had died I would have died knowing that I had done the right thing.”

They exchanged a look with each other. Silently Levi eyed the self-confident, determined sparkling that returned for a second into Erwin’s gaze, accompanied by his own fear that overtook him with every upcoming memory. 

“When I saw you lying there unconsciously”, Levi muttered and turned pale, “for a second I really thought Wedgewood had killed you. And I knew that Mike thought the same.”

“Forgive me, Levi”, Erwin said with a low voice and tenderly touched the physician’s elbow. “All the grief and sorrow I have caused you.” He tried to smile. “But I’m here now.”

Levi nodded.

“Yes, you are”, he whispered and replied his smile. It was Erwin, who, in the end, furrowed his brows and weighed his head to the side. 

“But Levi”, he said in an astonished manner, “what happened to the cravat I have once given you? You  lend it to me, didn’t you? I remember us joking about it – you wanted to kill me if I leave any stains on it.”

These words wiped the smile  off of Levi’s face. He let his fingers run through his hair and shrugged afterwards. 

“I cut it from your neck to access the wound”, he replied. Erwin nodded. 

“It’s ruined then.”

“Absolutely.”

“This is disagreeable to hear.”

“It was a cravat, Erwin, just a piece of fabric. I prefer it to have you sitting next to me.”

Once more they fell silent. Once more they looked at each other. And whenever their eyes met it seemed to Levi as if someone stopped the time. In the end Erwin reached out and grabbed Levi’s hand, before he interlaced their fingers with each other. The physician’s eyes widened. Visibly uncertain he looked around. 

“Erwin”, he whispered. “What are you doing there? What if someone sees us?”

“Let them see it”, he replied and started to smirk. “Holding the hand of another person has never sentenced anyone to prison, Levi. Should we be accused of being friends?” He laughed. “Who would do something as foolish as that?”

With these words he bent over and leaned his forehead against Levi’s, staying like this for a moment in this intimate touch, while slowly, piece by piece, the happiness disappeared from his eyes. Exhausted and empty he stared into space until he once more raised his voice. 

“The death of General Wedgewood caused quite a scandal, am I right?”, he whispered. 

“It did. The newspapers had barely a different topic for the past few days.”

“I was already guessing so.” Erwin sighed. “Colonel Farnsworth was very upset about it. After you left he once more reproached me with my failure in Spain and afterwards that I was abusing the freedom and privileges that were offered to me to my own advantage, just as Lieutenant Zacharias.” He laughed but it sounded anything but happy. “I cannot even be angry about him wishing for my dishonourable discharge. Deep in my heart I agree with him. I have failed. As a soldier, as a human being – in every way possible. I am  an embarrassment to the English crown, I’m aware of that. And I feel nothing but shame, since I had the highest expectations  for me as well. I can’t help it. If someone would let me  choose I dare say I would make the same decisions again. Does that make me a bad person? Well, maybe.” He reached for his forehead. Thoughtfully his fingertips slid over the white skin. “Colonel Farnsworth was responsible for my education when I attended the academy, but there is  no way you could have known about that. He also took Lieutenant Zacharias under his wings. He is in contact with both our families ever since I can remember. Under his vigilant eyes I learned my trade and he was proud of us, since we belonged to the most gifted recruits there. In his eyes we spurn everything he stands for and therefore his anger is only a natural reaction. Apart from that he is an honest and good man.”

“What did he discuss with you?”, Levi asked, more insistent than he had intended. 

“He told me that there would be a trial.” Erwin disbelievingly shook his head. “They would have never bothered to get justice so much if it had been only a small grenadier. But a general seems to be too high in rank  for his death by the hand of a commander  to be just ignored.” He pulled a wry face and once more threw a rock. “It surprises me less than it should – if I’m honest, I had it coming. Of course this is the worst possible outcome. But no lucky streak lasts forever, mine as well. This time I bet too much and lost.”

“What are they going to do with you?”

Levi could not hide the fear that had overtaken him. 

“Normally they had just arrested me to make sure that I would not run away until the trial begins”, Erwin replied, suddenly appearing quite depressed. “But I was lucky – if you may say so – that Colonel Farnsworth recognised my name and put in a good word for me. It seems as if he has pulled some strings for Lieutenant Zacharias and me.” He interrupted himself, searching for the right words. “In the end he offered me two options, from which I have to choose one  before tomorrow morning. I could either hand myself  over to the authorities and face my trial. I would be sentenced to prison and serve it until I have done my time.”

Levi furrowed his brows.

“How long would that be?”, he asked without much hope. A tired smile showed on the commander’s lips.

“Too long  for you to still recognise me, Levi. Many, endless, long years. We would be old men before we met again. If we’d ever meet again.”

Without anything Levi could do against it his throat started to feel tight. He took a deep breath, trying not to be flushed away by the wave of desperation that just struck him. Suddenly a terrible thought came to his mind. 

“What’s the other possibility?”, he asked under breath. They looked at each other and Erwin let his gaze wander over Levi’s face for a long time before he answered. Every movement, every gesture silently asked Levi to forgive him. 

“I would return to Spain”, the soldier replied tonelessly. Levi’s stomach turned into a knot. 

“When?”

“Before this week ends.”

It took Levi all his self control in order to keep an unmoved face. He felt as if someone had placed his hands around his neck and started to choke him. Involuntarily he reached for his cravat and loosened it. For a moment he closed his eyes. He then looked over to Erwin.

“Have you already made your decision?”, Levi whispered. Erwin shook his head. 

“No”, he replied. “Colonel Farnsworth expects my letter on his desk by tomorrow morning at last.”

Silently Levi reached for his temples. He could not believe it. Wasn’t Erwin supposed to visit him in Brighthampton? The soldier had promised to visit him – and now he would not be able to keep it?

Suddenly Levi whirled around and grabbed Erwin’s arm. A desperate insistence had taken over his gaze when he started speaking.

“What if you’d just run away?”, he asked. “Leave the country until everything has calmed down.”

“If I leave now I will never be able to return”, Erwin replied, grabbing Levi’s hand, squeezing it tenderly. “They would arrest me once I had passed the border. Being guilty of high  treason I would be sentenced to death and hanged.” A reluctant moan left his throat. “If Wedgewood hadn’t challenged me to a duel my plan would have worked out just perfectly. But now everything appears to me even more hopeless and terrible than before. I don’t know what I should do. I’m tired, Levi. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Your wound hasn’t healed yet.” Levi reached out and gently touched the white bandage around Erwin’s neck. “Furthermore the loss of blood weakens your body. No matter what decision you will make, you will need a lot of luck to endure this in your current condition.”

“I know”, Erwin replied sadly. “No matter in which direction I am looking, I feel as if death waits for me around every corner. It would be only a matter of time until I would be carried off by typhus and cholera in prison. I know the conditions there and this place has already finished tougher and taller men than me. Also the knowledge that Mike and I will have to be separated from now on is hurting me. We have always fought side by side. I don’t know how  many times we have saved each other’s  life .” A bitter smile showed on his lips but it faded quickly. “What should I do?”, he asked but nobody knew an answer. They fell silent for a long time, united by the feeling of helpless desperation. It was a feeling that overtook those who had lost any hope. Levi thought about their wishes and dreams for the upcoming months. Within split seconds they had been destroyed completely.

With a sigh Levi let his fingers run through his hair. He then addressed Erwin. 

“Go back to Spain”, he began, carefully looking at the other while talking. “This war can impossibly last as long as your prison sentence. Try to treat yourself with care until you arrive. If you’re lucky you will have fully recovered  before you’re back.” He leaned closer to him. “But the most important thing is the following: You can actively influence your life in Spain. You can pay off the guilt you have loaded on your shoulders in Badajoz. You can restore the good reputation of your name. Face your past. And then come back to us.”

They exchanged a long look. Erwin seemed to be  balancing the pros and cons of this matter before he eventually nodded.

“You’re right”, he said. “They would have sent me back to Spain anyway. It doesn’t make much of a difference if it’s now or in two months, right?”

It was as if they were trying to protect each other since  neither openly showed the pain they were feeling inside. And still it would not success them properly to hide away their emotions. 

“If it wasn’t for Eren”, Levi muttered in the end, “I would undo the engagement and go with you, no matter where.”

“No”, Erwin replied in such a determined manner that the physician jerked next to him. “There are places I never want you to see, Levi. Those battlefields are such places.”

“Then let me wait for you”, Levi hissed at him. It was  aggravating to him that Erwin treated him in such a patronising manner. “I don’t care how long it will take, do you listen to me? You will follow my invitation and visit me in Brighthampton once  you have returned. And no matter how horrible it might be down there, never forget that there is someone who’s hoping for your return. Don’t give up now, Erwin. That’s everything I ask you for. Don’t give up.”

Overwhelmed by the feelings that  were accompanying his speech Levi had raised and was now kneeling in front of the blonde man. His eyes filled with determination he looked at the soldier, who replied his gaze. In the end Erwin smiled, so purely and beautifully that Levi felt a stitch within his chest. 

“Thank you, Levi”, Erwin whispered. “I would be utterly lost in this world without you.”

The physician sighed. He looked around to prove that nobody else could be seen around here. He then gently took Erwin’s face in his hands, letting his thumbs slide over his cheeks, before he breathed a kiss against Erwin’s temple, before he leaned his forehead against the soldier’s. They remained this way, until Erwin finally touched Levi’s forearm. Levi did not miss the trembling that had overtaken Erwin’s limbs. In silent grief Levi pressed his lips together. 

“Let’s go back”, said Erwin, who had either not noticed or ignored Levi’s reaction. “It’s about time to tell Nanaba and Mike the truth. I must write that letter to Colonel Farnsworth as well.”

“Yes”, Levi said deeply grieved. “And then you need some rest. You are a mess. Just look at you.”

For a moment Erwin silently watched his hands. Hands, which would not follow his will anymore. But the smile on his lips did not fade at all. 

“I’m an old man, Levi”, he tried to joke and smirked so insistently that Levi replied it in the end. “Have some patience with me.”

“Well, fine”, he said. “But only this one time.”

“Come, help me up.”

With their combined strength they pulled Erwin back on his feet before they slowly strolled back to the wing door that led inside the main building. One last time Levi looked over to the heart of the garden over his shoulder. He felt as if the air had cooled down. Apart from the sidewalks, covered by countless fresh chestnuts he could see the autumn leaves piling up. They would have vanished completely before this year would have come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> First of all - sorry that I haven't replied to the comments yet as I usually do, but I'm so super busy this week that I will have to do it another time.
> 
> A few of you have already asked me this, and since Ao3 is not saving my changings, I'll will simply write it down here. This story is about to end. It's one more real chapter, after that the epilogue and the afterword. That's everything left. That makes me kind of sad, since I don't have anything else I could upload in the near future. I have started working on two other stories - the one is a Kid! Eruri-story that takes place in Germany in 1986. The other one is an original story that also takes place in Germany (in my hometown, tbh.). I will start writing down the latter as soon as possible, the first one only after I have finished my corrections and handed Lend Me Your Summer to a publisher. 
> 
> I don't know if you're into the original story, but I would upload an English translation if you want me to, once I've written the first draft down in German.
> 
> I've applied for a literature scholarship that would really give me quite a huge amount of money if it worked out, so please keep your fingers crossed. It's one of the biggest German literature scholarships with quite a reputation. Since last year only 25 people applied for it, I might have some little chance... :') We'll see.
> 
> A list of things I liked about this chapter:  
> 1\. Erwin and his newspapers... I bet his face was priceless.  
> 2\. Colonel Farnsworth! (I might be very alone with that I guess... but I love his attitude. He always reminds me of Hans Landa from Inglorious Basterds: http://31.media.tumblr.com/4966ec3ccc6cb7df71c4b24e9c8c510a/tumblr_mjisj4qB071rxbxdzo1_500.gif - even though Hans Landa is definitely worse than Farnsworth.)  
> 3\. Erwin's face when they all re-entered his living room. It was a face of a man who had just been broken into thousands of pieces.  
> 4\. The whole conversation between Levi and Erwin afterwards, because it reminds me so much of chapter 84.  
> 5\. Erwin who started to shake involuntarily. Someone asked in the early chapters if he has PTBS. Yes he does. Actually he does have quite a similar mindsetting compared with Canonverse!Erwin. I bet Levi was the first good thing that happened to him in many many years. 
> 
> My all time favourite:  
> 6\. "I'm tired Levi." - He's so vulnerable here.
> 
> So yeah, two more uploads left to go! Make's it one month in total from today, but it might be that the second one will be delayed a little.
> 
> Take good care! See you soon!


	27. Farewell

On the same evening Erwin informed the colonel about his decision. He did it before he informed Mike and Nanaba about the current developments since he wanted to make sure that nobody tried to prevent him from returning to Spain. But even though Erwin tried his best to set up his letter to Colonel Farnsworth on his own, the trembling that had taken over his hands had proven itself so strong that, in the end, had thwarted his plans. In a gesture of silent devotion Levi had written down what Erwin dictated him; the only thing Erwin added in the end was his sign. It would remain their secret. And whenever Levi watched Erwin’s hands fear clinched his heart. He hid his feelings behind a mask of pure self-restrain. Since Colonel Farnsworth’s visit Erwin seemed to have changed. He was not the man he used. Not anymore. 

The others had listened to the news of Erwin’s soon departure with unhidden sorrow. And so they had lived through the remaining days in a gloomy and tense mood, while everybody tried to hush the grief they felt with a brave smile. They had wanted to spend the few days they had left together, trying to make the best out of it. And when finally the day of Levi’s marriage had arrived, everyone had recovered so much that they in fact could enjoy a peaceful and nice wedding ceremony. Nobody was really surprised about the fact that Erwin served as Levi’s witness. And even though the ceremony was held only amongst closest family members and friends, so plain and simple as it was typical for Lutherans, none of those present doubted that it had been a beautiful ceremony. Hange, who had witnessed large parts of the service in tears was once more overwhelmed by her emotions during the following dinner that took place in the Middleton estate. It was Eren, who patted her shoulder and handed her a handkerchief from time to time, a task he fulfilled perfectly. He was a good son after all.

Two days later the day of Hange’s and Eren’s return to Brighthampton had arrived. Levi had decided to spend a few further days in London. First, to assist Mr. Middleton with getting Petra’s things in order, second, and this was the most important reason, because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Erwin, before he disappeared once more for an uncertain period of time. 

 

The tragic moan of a lady who would not get what she wished for filled the entrance hall of the Middleton residence. It was Hange, who had placed her hands on her hips with raised brows while she eyed Levi from head to toe. She was not amused. 

“Are you really sure that you don’t want to depart to Brighthampton with us?”, she asked and let her gaze challengingly wander back and forth between Levi and Petra. “All the paperwork concerning Miss Ral-“ She interrupted herself and slapped her hand against her forehead. “Mrs. Ackerman, of course! I’m sorry, my dear. However – all the paperwork that concerns your lovely lady can be done by my brother in law as well. And a shared carriage ride is so much more amusing than a separated one, don’t you agree?”

As usual, Levi had an opinion that differed from Hange’s in this matter. Silently he eyed his friend and his protégé, who, already fully dressed, a bag in the one, a hat in the other hand, was standing next to her, smiling. In the background he could see servants, together with Mr. Middleton, dragging the luggage to the carriage that would bring them to the mail coach station. From the corner of his eyes Levi noticed the one or another book box. “Such a long journey and only you two – just imagine something would happen along your way, the poorest girl would have to take care of you all on her own. Not to mention what a dreadful and terrible inconvenience this would be.”

“Hange”, Levi admonished his friend but his voice was lacking the typical severity. A friendly smile showed on his lips. He stepped closer to her and placed both hands upon her shoulders. “I’ll stay here. This decision has long been made.” His voice would not allow any backtalk. “Apart from that I’m still needed around here.”

“If you’re referring to my beloved Erwin”, Hange proceeded not very impressed, “it’s not as if the Smith’s wouldn’t have a capable physician of their own, Levi.” She exchanged a meaningful look with Eren. “Can you believe this? First he doesn’t want to come here and now he doesn’t want to go back.” Eren shrugged. His master was, as usual, full of surprises. The physician shook his head once more. 

“Take good care of the boy”, was everything he replied. He let her go and reached out for Eren. For a moment he patted the head of his foster son, who stepped back and started to laugh. 

“I’m not a child anymore, sir”, he yelled and readjusted his hair. Afterwards he started to smile mischievously. “I got along perfectly without you for about eight years, sir. I shall survive a few days on my own.”

The physician laughed and folded his arms in front of his chest. He could still remember these words, since he had said the same to Eren before he and Hange had dragged him to London.

“Make sure everything is in order once I return, Eren.”

The boy nodded heavily, tapping his index and middle finger against his temples. 

“Be unconcerned”, he grinned, “I will get the house shipshape before you are back.” He turned at Petra. “And you shall feel at home from the first moment on, madam!”

“Thank you, Eren”, Petra said with a soft voice and smiled at him. “I’m sure this won’t be a problem thanks to your effort.”

“Good”, Levi joined once more, patronizingly nodding at Eren. “I shall trust you about that. Are you listening? Don’t disappoint me.” He exchanged a look with Hange, before he raised his brows and his smile faded. “Well, there’s no need for me to be concerned about you”, he said drily. “Everyone who hijacked you would return you within one day.”

“I would kindly ask them to drop me at your place”, Hange replied with the sweetest grin ever seen. Levi snorted.

“Well, I had already expected that.”

They all started laughing but soon the bitter sweet heaviness of the approaching departure mixed into their merry mood. Finally, before Levi could see it coming, Hange stepped closer to him and hugged him so tightly that it squeezed the air out of his lungs. With one hand he gently patted on her back. 

“Oi, Hange”, he somehow managed to say while his cheeks slowly turned red, “that hurts, stop that!”

But she ignored his objections completely. Instead she leaned her head against his until her lips were of the same height as his ear. 

“Make sure you take care of yourself, Levi Ackerman. I can’t stand Brighthampton without you.”

“You will survive a sole week without me, Hange. Just pull yourself together for one single time.”

His finger finally found some grip and therefore he managed it to break free from her clenching fingers. Petra, who was still standing next to him, had burst out into roaring laughter in the meanwhile. 

“We shall take good care of him, Ms. Zoe”, she grinned and exchanged a meaningful look with Levi when Mr. Middleton’s voice sounded from outside. They were done with the preparations. It was about time. 

“Get out of here before the stagecoach departs without you”, Levi said and nodded towards the door. 

“Goodbye, sir”, Eren said, bowing one last time to Petra. “Goodbye, madam.” 

Hange placed an arm around Eren’s shoulders and pulled him close with a jerk. A broad smile was written all over her face. 

“Farewell, my dearest. Make sure that you don’t have any plans for next weekend, since I intend to invite you over for dinner.” She was about to proceed when once more Mr. Middleton called out for them. She let Eren go, who reached out for Hange’s bag. “However – we will talk about the details once you are back”, she said. “Adieu!” 

 

~*~

 

With Eren’s and Hange’s departure the silence Levi had so longed for during his entire stay returned to the house. But whenever he was not preoccupied with preparations for his return he spent huge parts of the day at the Smith residence. And even though Mr. Middleton noticed this behaviour with some confusion, he did not comment it even once. But no matter how much Levi tried to make good use of the remaining time he felt as if it was running through his fingers. He could not get rid of the impression that the day of Erwin’s departure approached them faster and faster with every passing hour and minute. This had been her everlasting problem and still was – they just never had enough time for each other. It was the tragedy of their lives. 

A few days after Hange and Eren had left the Middleton estate the day which marked Erwin’s return to Spain had come. The day, that Levi had secretly feared so much since Colonel Farnsworth’s visit. They had arranged that Erwin would visit him once he had bid his farewell from his family and friends. One last time they would spend a few hours with each other, before Erwin would return to the barracks and finally to Spain.

The golden autumn as well approached its end. The tree’s branches appeared more and more naked while shaking their leaves on the earth, while the temperatures dropped with every passing day. Not long and the first snow would fall. The grey weather fit perfectly into the gloomy mood that had filled Levi’s chest for the past few days. The grey of the sky, the matte light that hardly illuminated the rooms anymore – he could see himself in all of this, like a mirror reflecting his picture. Maybe, he could not help himself but to think from time to time, he was just imagining things and the days were just as nice and friendly as during the past few weeks. Maybe his emotions betrayed him, but in the end it would not change a thing. The thought alone that Erwin was forced to return to a war in his physical state, a man who had been shot and was in poor mental condition, caused him sleepless nights. 

Levi took a deep breath and shifted his hands into the pockets of his pants. Accompanied by Petra he stood in the middle of the salon. She was sitting on the sofa, knitting. He was wandering restlessly up and down. He felt terrible. His face was pale. His eyes were bloodshot. His whole body was filled by a tension that accompanied every of his actions, every of his words. And even though the fire cosily crackled in the fireplace, he was shivering. It was the lack of sleep of the past days which caused his body to act this way and his thoughts to run wild. Silently he reached out and warmed his hands before he rubbed them against each other with a sigh. Again and again he looked over to the huge wooden clock which was standing in the entrance hall, before he let his fingers run through his hair. It was half past ten in the morning.

“He’s late”, Levi muttered thoughtfully. The thought that something could have crossed their plants made his heart beat faster. Breathing heavily, he reached for his cravat and loosened it. 

“Levi”, Petra tried to calm him down, letting he knitting needles sink. Her warm, brown eyes were resting on him. A volatile smile showed on her lips. “Have some patience. He will come as fast as the circumstances will allow him to. Try to trust him.”

“Yes”, Levi whispered, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger. “You’re right. It’s just that-“

A knocking sounded from the entrance door, so overwhelmingly loud that both Levi and Petra jerked. The physician’s eyes widened. His breath paused. Suddenly his hands felt all damp and moist. He whirled around in order to open the door but the housemaid who was already rushing down the hallway was faster. When he could hear Erwin’s voice filling the entrance hall seconds later, relief and excitement crashed at him at once so heavily that it needed some effort to keep his straight face. With a heavily beating heart he reached for his tailcoat, one last time adjusting its fit, when Erwin, accompanied by the housemaid, appeared in the doorframe. Their eyes met. For a moment nobody said a word. Silently Levi eyed the other, whereas his throat started to feel tight. He clenched his hand into fists. 

“Erwin”, he whispered but then his voice cracked. He as well looked tired and pale. The blonde hair had shifted into his face. The field pack rested firmly strapped on his back. The hat, which belonged to his complete uniform, was clenched between his arm and body. Levi had not witnessed these clothes on him for quite a while and so it felt strangely unreal to see him like this. This uniform – Levi both loved and hated it equally. 

“Levi.” Erwin suggested a smile. He then nodded at Petra. “Mrs. Ackerman.”

She placed the knitting items aside and stood up. She smiled at the others, before she bowed shortly towards the new arrival. 

“I am happy that you could spare some time to visit us before you return to Spain, Commander Smith”, she said friendly. 

“The pleasure is all mine”, Erwin answered. He looked at Levi from the corners of his eyes. Even though everybody was acting modest, the tension that filled the air could not be overseen. 

“Well, you certainly have some things you need to talk about”, Petra proceeded in the meantime, “I’ll go and prepare some tea.” She looked over to Levi, then to Erwin and had left the room before even one of the men could have remarked any objections. Wordlessly they looked after the lady, who now silently closed the door behind her. Levi, who was still standing next to the fireplace, supported himself on the polished marble, staring into the flames. 

For a long while nobody dared to say a word. Only the crackling of the fire filled the room. From time to time Levi reluctantly looked over to Erwin, who must have felt just as out of place as he did. Eventually the soldier left his hat on a small wooden table before he got rid of his backpack, placing it next to the sofa on the ground. Afterwards he sat down on the leather armchair that was usually occupied by Mr. Middleton. Reluctantly Levi turned around, carefully watching the other man who calmly replied his look. In both their eyes the abhorrence and grief considering the approaching departure could be read. Sorrow about what the future might bring; the fear that it might be a farewell forever. 

“It certainly has cooled down”, Erwin, could apparently not take this silence any longer, said in the end. Levi nodded.

“Yes”, he muttered, “winter’s just around the corner.”

“Indeed.”

Both sighed and lowered their gazes. Once more silence covered them like a blanked, since everything they could say appeared horribly trivial in such a situation. No matter what they would talk about, it would not make the pain go away. 

Finally Levi turned from the chimney and stepped closer to Erwin. He stopped in front of the leather armchair, searchingly reaching out his hand. Erwin grabbed it. With a soft jerk he pulled the physician closer to him, interlacing their fingers with each other. 

“I hope you will write me more often than last time”, Levi said not without blame in his voice. His words caused a volatile smile on Erwin’s face. 

“Be unconcerned”, he replied. “I will write you as often as I can.”

“You better will. Otherwise I will send Eren after you to make sure you’re still alive and well.”

“Please don’t”, Erwin answered and both laughed. 

“It’s not that I want you to write me on a daily basis”, Levi began, “but-“

“It would be desirable, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes”, Levi muttered, gently squeezing Erwin’s hand. “I mean I definitely could write you every day, but it would only be the same, boring everyday routine. It would not be worth the paper it’s written on.” He sighed. “Apart from what happens when two gentlemen from London rent Stenton Park my life is terribly ordinary.”

“No”, Erwin replied insistently, breathing a kiss against the physician’s knuckles. “Write to me whatever is on your mind. It won’t bore me. Whatever reminds me of home is more than welcome.” He hesitated for a moment, then proceeded. “Everything that reminds me of you is more than welcome.”

They exchanged a look, then, as if a silent sign had occurred, the joy faded from both their faces. Holding each other’s hands they lowered their gaze. It felt wrong to have such a casual conversation while both their lives were about to change so drastically. Everything that happened here was nothing but unfair. Neither of them had deserved such a bad ending.

“We just never have enough time”, Levi finally burst out, his voice filled with bitterness. He looked over to Erwin, who was silently replying his gaze, and it was obvious that the soldier thought the same. Deep in his heart Levi wanted to shout at Erwin, burn his uniform and force him to run away. But where should he go? What would it change? There was no way out of this dreadful misery. No matter what Erwin did he would have to walk through hell and back in order to find some happiness at last. If ever.

Behind them the door to the salon was opened. It was Petra who, carrying a serving tray with a tea service, stepped inside. Once she had noticed the men’s expressions, she furrowed her brows in sorrow. 

“You two look as if someone has just died”, she whispered and placed the tray next to Erwin’s hat. Neither of them answered. Instead they pressed their lips together, until they only formed a thin line. Silently Petra looked back and forth between both of them, then sighed and folded her arms in front of her chest. “Commander Smith”, she said and Erwin raised his head. 

“Yes, madam?”, he asked visibly surprised over the insisting tone the lady had decided to use. 

“How much time do you have left until you have to depart, sir?”

The soldier raised his brows and took out his pocket watch. 

“A little more than an hour”, he replied after giving the clock face a short look. Petra nodded reluctantly a few times, then, suddenly, she clapped her hands and showed a smile, broad as the sun. Her eyes sparkled in expectation. 

“Very well!”, she said and pointed with her index finger on both men in the most patronising manner. “Wait here for me, will you?”

With these words she turned to go and had soon hurried out of the room. Cluelessly Levi and Erwin looked after her, before the exchanged a volatile look that only underlined their perplexity. 

“Don’t ask me what this is all about”, Levi muttered. He shifted his hands into his trouser pockets and sighed. “She has been acting strangely churned up the whole day.”

“Just like you?”, Erwin answered and smirked. “You have not been that taciturn in my presence since I first met you at Ms. Zoe’s dinner party.”

“I could say the same about you, Smith”, Levi replied. “I just don’t feel like talking today. Who would be, considering this situation of ours.”

They snorted both, then fell silent, until steps in the hallway gave sign of Petra’s return. When she entered the room split seconds later she carried paper and a small wooden box with her. She was still grinning and her cheeks shimmered reddish. She appeared so self-confident and at ease in this dark atmosphere that Erwin and Levi could not help themselves but to pull a wry face. 

“What are you going to do?”, Erwin asked with a matte voice and Levi raised his brows. 

“Isn’t that obvious?”, Petra laughed and passed both men with rapid movements. She stopped in front of the desk, on which Hange used to write her letters, placed the box and the paper on it and, with one skilled movement, turned the whole desk around, so that it would point to the middle of the room. She then placed her hands on her hips and looked quite satisfied. 

“I think it might work this way”, she then said before she turned around and once more addressed the others. “Come here you two. To the window.”

She pointed at a place not far away from the chimney where the light was good, then walked around the table and opened the curtains. Both men hesitated. When she noticed that nobody stirred, she sighed and the smile on her lips faded slightly.

“Gentlemen”, she said, “we don’t have much time therefore your cooperation would be highly appreciated.” Once more she pointed at the same spot. “Levi, I want you on the left side. Commander Smith, please position yourself a little behind him.”

Now both obeyed her orders and did as they were told. 

“This way?”, Erwin asked in the end, but Petra, visibly unhappy about their actions, heavily shook her head. 

“No, no”, she said and sighed. “Wait.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and walked over. Then she dragged and pushed them so long until what she saw finally matched her imagination. Silently she nodded. 

“Very nice.” She smiled. Afterwards she grabbed the chair and sat down. With skilled fingers she opened the box and a collection of prepared graphite pencils appeared. She pulled the paper closer to her and then looked back and forth between both men and her drawing tools. “One hour might not be enough time but I think as long as you don’t expect a miracle it should work out.” With these words she took one of the pencils and started drawing. From time to time she admonished them to keep their position and stand still, and informed them whenever they had altered their position without noticing, swearing silently whenever she guessed a mistake in her sketch. This way Levi and Erwin slowly started to take shape on the creme white paper, until Petra placed the first drawing aside and started anew. It did not bother Levi to remain this way, rather the opposite. One last time he could feel the other’s warmth this way, the beating of his heart, his scent, his way of breathing, to exist, to be. Just as someone drowning who would hold on to every floating piece of furniture around him, Levi tried to memorize all of this, knowing that these memories would have to last until they finally would meet again. This way they stood still until Petra finally placed the pencil back in the box and carefully looked at her drawings. Silently her eyes wandered back and forth between both sheets of paper, until she nodded in acceptance. 

“I’m done”, she said.

“Show me”, Levi demanded. He reached out and took one of the drawings from her. Erwin, who was still standing next to him, looked at the sketch, until a mild smile showed on his lips. Levi understood his feelings too well. The drawing was simple, but beautiful. 

“I did not know that you were capable of drawing”, Levi muttered quite surprised. 

“And in such a skillful manner too”, Erwin joined him, causing Petra to laugh. 

“My dear sirs”, she smirked and raised her index finger, “I’m a lady after all. I could have stitched you on a pillow as well, yet one hour would have hardly been enough time, I suppose.”

Levi nodded. 

“Not bad”, he said. Almost tenderly his fingers slid over the paper. Then, suddenly, Petra took it away from him and gave it to Erwin. 

“Here, for you”, she smiled, “it may protect you from losing your faith in Spain, sir.” She exchanged a look with him. Calmly Erwn replied her smile. 

“This is very generous of you, madam”, he replied with a soft voice. The paper started to shake, once it had touched his hands. Carefully he folded it together. 

“Your hands”, Levi whispered, trying to hide the fear in his voice. 

“I know”, Erwin replied and took a deep breath. “It can’t be helped. It might disappear. One day.”

They looked at each other for a long while, until Levi suggested a sad smile. He took the folded piece of paper away from Erwin and carefully placed it in the chest pocket of his uniform jacket. Afterwards his fingers gently slid over the red fabric. 

“Don’t you dare to lose this drawing, Smith”, he muttered, “it’s already enough that you’ve ruined the cravat you gave to me.”

“Truly”, Erwin smirked. “I will treasure it. Thank you very much, Mrs. Ackerman.”

“No, sir”, she replied, “it’s me who needs to thank you.”

She smiled, then started to gather her drawing tools back together. Levi did not know what it was, but her little and kind gesture had somehow accomplished it to break the ice that the approaching farewell had piled up between them. Levi and Erwin remained close to each other, exchanging small touches from time to time, so volatile that they could have happened by chance, stuck in the presence, forgetting for a moment what could not be prevented. 

When the clock in the hallway finally stroke noon Levi’s heart stopped beating for a second. The smile disappeared from both their faces. 

“No”, whispered Levi as if che could change what was about to come this way. “No.”

A certain sadness appeared in Erwin’s eyes, who eventually took Levi’s hand which was still resting against his chest, squeezing it tenderly. 

“I must go”, he said silently and Levi shook his head. 

“No.”

“Levi.”

Both knew he was right but neither of them moved. It was Erwin who once more raised his voice. 

“If I’m late”, he said in the most begging tone, “my arrangement with Colonel Farnsworth will be void and I will have to face prison after all.” Searchingly his eyes slid over Levi’s face, and Levi could feel it burning on his skin like fire. “Will you accompany me outside?”, Erwin asked, then let Levi go and turned around. Levi nodded. 

“Certainly”, he managed to say and followed him together with Petra. With every step his throat tied up until he finally felt as if he could not say a single word without revealing his agony and despair even if he tried to. 

Erwin, who was facing the entrance door with his back, patiently waited for him to step closer, while Petra handed him his hat and field pack. Erwin took it with a muttered a thank you, before he placed the hat on his head and the pack on his shoulders. It was Levi who eventually reached out and corrected the fit of Erwin’s uniform. Tenderly he patted his shoulders and tried to smile but it would not reach his eyes. 

“What will the others think of you if you report all messy and untidy, Erwin?”, he joked and the other smiled. 

“They would hardly forgive me such an impertinent misbehaviour”, Erwin replied. He then looked over to Petra, who stood in the background and nodded at her. “Ms. Ral - ah, forgive me. Mrs. Ackerman.”

“Sir?”

“Thank you for everything, madam. Without your help everything would have most certainly come to a different ending.”

Petra, who involuntarily reached for the ring that she was wearing now and forever, watched the soldier for quite a while before she replied. 

“I think it’s the same way for you”, she said with a soft voice. 

“You will take good care of the doctor for me, will you?”, Erwin proceeded, who, even though he tried his best in order to appear as self-restrained as usual, could not hide his true feelings in front of Levi. “You must know he has been quite troublesome ever since.”

“That’s a huge exaggeration and you know that”, Levi muttered with his typical sassiness. Erwin laughed. 

“You’re right about that, Levi”, he whispered, “you’re definitely right.”

They looked at each other and suddenly fear overwhelmed Levi. If Erwin left them now, he would-

“How long will you be gone?”, he said before his thought had even come to an end. His voice sounded cracky. The smile disappeared from Erwin’s face. 

“Until the war is over”, he whispered in such a low voice that Levi eventually reached out for him and grabbed his upper arms. His fingers clinched through the red fabric, while his eyes wandered over Erwin’s face in the most insistent manner. 

“When will this be?”, he could hear himself asking. 

“I don’t know.”

“But you will come back, will you?”

“Levi”, whispered the blonde.

“ _ Promise _ me you will come back, Erwin.”

Erwin fell silent for a moment, his gaze lowered and so sad that Levi could hardly stand it. Thoughtfully his eyes wandered over the ground, while he probably asked himself if this was a promise he could give whole-heartedly. After a while he raised his hand, placed it in Levi’s neck and pulled him close. Carefully he placed his forehead against the other’s. 

“I promise it”, he said with a low, but steady voice. He then breathed one last, long kiss against Levi’s forehead. “I’ll write you as soon as I can.”

Levi nodded.

“Yes.”

“And until then”, Erwin reached into his trouser pocket and took out a small box made from papier-maché which he handed over to Levi. It showed a delicate, filigree flower print, “take this.”

The physician raised his brows. He did not understand.

“What-?”, he began but the smile that now showed on Erwin’s face caused him to stop. 

“You will see”, the other said. For one more moment he let his hand rest in Levi’s neck, hesitatingly, unwillingly, before he finally let him go. “It’s about time.” Erwin looked over to Petra. “Madam.” He gazed at the physician. “Levi.” He sighed. “Good bye.” One last time he let his gaze wander up and down as if he wanted to make sure that even the smallest detail would burn its way into his memory. Then, with a deep breath, Erwin turned around and walked away. He left the house without looking back. Once the door had closed behind him, Levi was grabbed by an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Motionlessly he looked after him, until he noticed Petra’s, who had placed her hands on his shoulders in order to hold him. 

 

[OST](https://open.spotify.com/track/6aPMMJwGNfwuMQHG0AuCRs)

 

“He will come back”, she whispered and Levi nodded. He only then remembered the box in his hands and lowered his gaze. With cold and stiff fingers he opened it and gazed inside. Once he noticed what Erwin had given to him his eyes felt wet. Silently he bit his bottom lip and fought down his tears. In his hands, white as snow and embroidered with Erwin’s golden initials, there was a linen cravat, just as beautiful as the one that had been destroyed during the duel. Trying to keep up his self-control he once more looked to the door, as if he could find Erwin there, if he only stared long enough. But there was nobody waiting for him. Here, in the entrance hall - there were only he and his wife. Together with all their hopes and dreams they remained there, in this usually so bright and inviting room, in which Levi had been welcomed for the first time not so long ago. This room had rarely appeared as triste and gloomy as on this day.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
> 
> first of all - I'm very sorry if there were slightly more mistakes than usual, since my beta reader has been hospitalised and won't make it this week. Since I won't be able to upload next week I decided to update tonight without beta. Once she hands in the corrected version I'm gonna upload this one as well. 
> 
> You probably all gonna hate me now. I noticed a heavy dropping in the usual comment rate (I think it was only 50% of the usual amount) but yeah, this chapter is not much better. If anyone needs some handkerchiefs, be my guest. I cried myself while writing this and I barely cry. 
> 
> There is nothing I can say today. I think this chapter stands for itself. There will be one more update in 2 weeks and then we will be done. Thank you for reading and commenting as usual. It is very much appreciated. 
> 
> The sketch you can see here has been made by my dear friend bear-tholdt (at tumblr). It was a birthday present for me, and after that I decided to add this lovely sketch to one of the last chapters. I really do like it very much. 
> 
> Alright, take good care of you and I'll see you back in two weeks for the FINAL upload (woah).
> 
> If you want to have one additional OST song (one for the imaginated ending credits of this weeks episode), listen to this here:   
> https://open.spotify.com/track/5hxGekRXPzq52ZNQYvDbyk  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tyst-DxmB0


	28. Epilogue

* * *

 

 

1814\. One and a half year had passed since Erwin had faced his guilt and returned to Spain. And now, together with the beginning summer the second anniversary of their first meeting was approaching as well. If Levi was honest with himself, he could hardly believe how fast time had passed, since the pictures and memories of these days, which were ever-present in his mind, had not withered in colour and lifelines. And even though nothing had remained as it was he was living his usual routine. And still they existed, these small details, which, even though they could be overseen easily, permeated every aspect of Levi’s life, like the roots of a tree. 

Whenever he remembered 1812 a smile showed on his lips. People used to say that it were the small things, the encountering that happened by chance, insignificant gestures that brought the big changes, and Levi agreed completely with that. He as well was not the same person as he used to be only two years ago. He had changed and finally gotten rid of the dark veil that was formed by his past and that had covered every of his actions ever since. Nobody who would associate with him would dare to doubt that. Levi, who had had quite a reputation even in the surrounding cities due to his grumpy and frank character, had become a calm and down-to-earth man. People said it was due to his marriage – and only very few knew that this was not the whole truth. 

He had not been reunited with Erwin since his departure to Spain, but Erwin had kept his word towards Levi and only a few weeks after their separation the first letter had arrived in Brighthampton. They wrote to each other as often as their spare free time would allow it, letters, so many that Levi had to hide them away in a box underneath his bed, so that they would not be lying around everywhere and anywhere. 

In the meantime the financial situation of the Smith family had calmed down again. The reason though remained a secret and nobody dared to speak about it, even though everybody in London as well as in Brighthampton used to say, that this had most likely been caused by the engagement between Nanaba Smith and Mike Zacharias. No matter how things were – once the war in Spain was over there would be a marriage at Stenton Park. 

With a sigh Levi let his fingers ran through his hair, before he wrote down some last numbers on a sheet of paper, placing the quill on his table. He leaned back and stretched himself, before he corked up the ink bottle and put away his writing utensils. Afterwards he let his gaze wander through his treatment room, looked at his pocket watch and his schedule, only to notice with a smile, that he had fulfilled today’s duty. 

He folded his arms in front of his chest and looked out of the window, through which he could see the clear sky and the friendly shining sun. It was a beautiful, warm day. Whitsunday was just around the corner. Birds chirped in front of the house and reminded the physician that he was alive. 

A sudden noise in the hallway brought him back to reality. Split seconds later he noticed the approaching sounds of steps, steps that could only belong to one person. With a knowing smile Levi watched the door, which, once it was opened, testified his suspicion. It was Eren. 

“You have called for me, sir?”, he asked breathlessly, rubbing his hands on his dark pants. His knees were dusty and so where his hands. Leaves stuck in his the dishevelled, brown hair. Levi had ordered him to remove the weeds on the backyard. 

“Yes, I have”, Levi answered in the usual short-tempered manner and tried to ignore all the dirt that Eren would most likely have brought into this house. With a volatile gesture he ordered Eren to follow him to the salon and left. Even though Eren was not living with him anymore he appreciated his visits from time to time. And even though he never mentioned this, he usually thought that these visits remained too short for his taste. “Are you done with everything I have asked you to do?”, Levi asked casually and Eren nodded. 

“Everything is done, sir”, he replied with a broad smile. In fact, Armin had really been sent to Cambridge, but Eren did his best to fulfil the requirements of his studies in Oxford. His marks were not too bad and Levi satisfied. 

“God”, said the physician and took a bottle of whiskey from a commode. He carefully looked at the label before he poured them two drinks. “Don’t forget to write the thank you letter to Pixis later”, he continued and handed one of the glasses to Eren. It was a high quality whiskey from Stevenage, the same brand about which Levi and Pixis once had had a conversation at a ball. It had been a present to Levi’s Saint’s day in April. 

“Certainly, sir.” They both took a sip. Eren then took out a small, black notebook from his waistcoat pocket and wrote down every of his foster father’s words. While Eren was still writing, Levi emptied his glass. 

“There is one more thing, sir”, Eren went on. 

“Yes?” Levi raised his brows. 

“Ms. Zoe asks when we are intending to arrive tonight.”

As usual, she had invited them over to dinner. 

“Around seven, I suppose”, Levi replied, then handed the glass to Eren and turned to go. He passed his protégé and stepped in the hallway, where he took his hat and jacket from the wardrobe. 

“Where are you going, sir?”, Eren asked visibly surprised, since it almost never happened that Levi finished his work that early. With a volatile smile Levi slipped into his jacket and placed his hat on his head. 

“I’m going to the coast”, he said and winked at Eren. “Hange is being visited by her nieces. That’s something that requires some mental preparation, Eren. I’ll be back around five, I think.”

They nodded at each other, but before Levi had reached the entrance door it flung open so heavily that the physician almost struck his head. He stepped aside and let the new arrival in. It was a young lady, wearing a plain muslin dress and a dark red summer jacket. Petra. She carried a basked, filled with the purchases of today. In one hand she held a bunch of letters. Without saying a word she looked at one letter after another, before suddenly a knowing smile showed on her face. She raised her head and made a surprised face once she noticed that every inhabitant of this house was staring at her in curiosity. She smiled mischievously. 

“Levi, Eren”, she said merrily and removed the hood from her head. She then handed the basked to Eren who took it to the kitchen. “You both look quite alarmed, darling, has something happened? Has there been an emergency? Just give me one second so I can go and get the utensils.”

Levi had educated her as promised. She had become a dependable, skilful assistant. Apart from that they led a harmonic, peaceful and, so to say, fulfilling marriage. This time though, the physician shook his head. 

“Nothing of that sort”, he said. “Considering this afternoon, do as you please. If you’d excuse me, I was just about head out for a little walk.” He tapped his fingers against his hat and wanted to leave, when Petra insistently handed the letters to him. 

“There’s mail for you, my dear sir”, she smiled, but Levi, who had already passed the door halfway, only raised his hand. 

“Place them on the desk”, he said casually, “I’ll take care of them once I’m back.”

“Good heavens, could you please wait?”, she burst out, causing Levi to stop right away. It was hard to tell from her appearance, but in almost two years of their marriage Levi had soon realised that Petra was capable of giving someone hell if she wanted to prevail. 

“What?”, he asked. She clicked her tongue, then took one certain letter from the middle of the bundle and handed it to him.

“Do you really think that I will want to be asked by you tonight why I haven’t given this to you earlier?” She bent forward and breathed a kiss against his cheek before she went over to the salon’s door. “Believe me, that’s a mistake that won’t happen to me ever again”, she said merrily, then disappeared into the salon. Levi looked after her and shook his head before he examined the writing on the letter. Even though the handwriting was slightly more impure and shaky than back then, Levi recognised it right away. A thin smile showed on his lips. He then placed the letter in the inner pocket of his jacket and left the house. 

Fulfilled by the so familiar joyful anticipation he walked down his usual way, which, once he followed it for half an hour, would lead him to the bay where Hange had once discovered the plant that was now called after him. Like back then the wind here was the strongest and dishevelled his hair once he had approached the coast. He took a deep breath, enjoyed the salty air in his lungs, watched the roaring sea and the surges, before he broke the seal and unfolded the letter. The trembling of Erwin’s hands had not gone away and Levi could see it in the way he wrote. The flawless handwriting of him had lost its perfection but not its beauty. Silently the physician started to read. 

 

_ My precious friend, _

_ You shall forgive me that I have not written you earlier – but there were circumstances, which thwarted my plan of addressing you for quite a while. Now, where everything has finally calmed down again, let me describe you what has happened during the past weeks here in France. Only a few days ago we fought next to our Spanish and Portuguese comrades against the enemy, but Napoleon’s resignation has interrupted our battles. Something that we had not expected anymore has therefore occurred. The war in which I participated is over and we are victorious. Lieutenant Zacharias, whom I found recently in the hustle and bustle of the festivities, spent the past days with me in the companion of good wine and delicious food. Wellington has truly led us to better days. I wish you could see the joy and anticipation with which I and my men face our return to our home country.  _

_ While I address these words to you I am already on my way back. It remains to be hoped that this letter will reach you before my return to Brighthampton. I still want to follow your invitation, provided that you still want to offer me your hospitality.  _

_ Take good care and love me, it’s not one-sided.  _

_ S.  _

 

A slight trembling had taken over Levi’s limbs while he was reading these lines. Once he had ended, he did not believe his eyes. Could he, should he believe what had been written down there? He read it for a second time and when he finally could be sure that this was really happening and not some of his fantasies, his face brightened up. His heart was beating heavily in his chest. 

Erwin would return. The war was over. He was alive. He was unharmed. The thought alone was enough to accelerate his breath. 

Silently he lowered the letter and looked at the sea. The sea, he thought, these endless amounts of water, was the sea not the manifestation of freedom? An unbelieving smile showed on his lips and disappeared right away when a gust of wind snatched the letter away from him. His eyes widened in shock he looked after it, while it was hurled through the air until it came to rest on an edgy part of the cliff a few meters underneath him. 

“Damn it”, he muttered, stepping closer to the cliff, bending over with a resigned sigh. Certainly he could climb down and get his hands back on the letter. On the other hand he could easily break all of his bones during this attempt. And today there was nobody who accompanied him, nobody, who could help him. Uncertain, what to do, he remained this way. The wind played with his hair, making it impossible to see properly. Again and again he tucked strands of hair behind his ear, while he was hoping to put everything back to order this way, but it would not change a thing. Then, suddenly, a gentle laughter sounded behind him. 

“He’s still so troublesome, our doctor”, Levi noticed a deep men’s voice behind him. He solidified. For a moment he did not dare to move, then, slowly, he turned around, carefully taking care of not falling down the cliff this time. Once he realised who was standing in front of him a gasp left his throat. 

“Erwin”, Levi whispered. He was still wearing his red uniform, but the field pack was already missing. Blonde, dishevelled hair kept shifting into his blue eyes, which were resting on Levi in silent pleasure. He appeared tired and haggard and seemed to have grown old during the time of his absence, but the happiness concerning his return was written all over his face. With slightly opened lips and huge eyes Levi stared at him, until he finally found back his self-restrain and gave the soldier a patronising smirk. 

“Well”, Levi could hear himself say, “and as usual this trouble is caused by nobody else but you.”

“Is this true?”, Erwin replied honestly surprised. 

“Yes”, said Levi. “Your letter concerning the end of the war arrived only one hour ago, but the wind snatched it away from me, that bloody prick.”

The commander replied Levi’s smile whole-heartedly. 

“How unfortunate”, he mocked him, before he stepped closer to Levi. They exchanged a long gaze, then, before Levi knew what was happening, Erwin had placed his hand in his neck and pulled him into his arms. Motionlessly Levi just let it happen. And suddenly there was only warmth and this scent, which he had missed so much and forgotten about it way too long. 

For a moment they fell silent, before Levi slowly placed his arms around the soldier, holding him so tight that he could hear his heart beating. 

“Would you lend me your summer once more, Levi?”, Erwin whispered into his ear. 

“Of course”, he whispered and buried his face in Erwin’s chest, smiling. Sometimes, and he could not help himself from thinking this way, he felt as if the shortest answers in life were the most beautiful.

 

 


	29. From the Author to the Reader

_ Dear sir or madam,  _

_ The fact that you, by now, find yourself able of holding this book in your hands proves that the world is not as bad as some people use to think and this makes me, whenever I pause and dare to listen to my feelings, very happy.  _

_ So many years have passed since this fortunate summer of 1812 but even after all this time the memories of these days appear as fresh and colourful as back then. I suppose many will have asked themselves if this marriage was the right decision, but let me tell you, that, by now, I’m still utterly convinced that this connection and this ménage à trios was the most fortunate development possible. Formed by nothing but mere rationality, it turned out to be a long lasting and fulfilling marriage. Too short, some would say, since Mrs. Ral parted from us one year ago, but in the end it was her who offered us the freedom we were all longing for so much.  _

_ Both Commander Smith and my person owe her our deepest gratitude. And I dare say I would have wished her to stay a few more years by my side. But these things cannot be influenced by one human being alone. What are we if not the foaming spray on the restless sea? We are not the ones who decide where it takes us.  _

_ The reader might now ask himself, whether all these things have occurred just as I have pictured them here, back then in this little town at the coast of England? Every word of it is true. And what has happened back then fills me with joy and gratitude until the present day. The people whose tale you have just read once offered me the strength to come to terms with my past, and live an easy and good life.  _

_ With the help of the notes Commander Smith took in 1812 I wrote our story all down and now offer it to you, hoping, that it shall be your guide in the dark, if you should ever face the same situation as we did back then.  _

_ Still though – this narrative shall not be published until the society in which we live, has reached a state in which a love such as the one between Commander Smith and me is no longer demonised, but accepted, maybe even appreciated. I am aware of the fact that none of those who took a leading role in this narration will live to see this happening, but I am quite convinced that this day will come, for certain – eventually.  _

_ In the end and that’s what the old Dr. Ackerman always used to tell me, you can fight new ideas and ideals, you can lock those who believe in them away or even kill them – but it won’t change a thing. What is meant to happen will happen.  _

_ And we will succeed.  _

 

_ L. A. _

_ (Brighthampton, May 7 th 1823) _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers,
> 
> I've been just released from a hospital stay and therefore I'll be a nice dude and upload the last few chapters earlier than usual. That was quite a journey, wasn't it? I'm not sure, what to say. I know that I dragged you through quite something, but in the end, and I hope you will agree with me, it was worth the pain. Sometimes we have to walk through heavy storms to appreciate the cosy warmth of a fireplace. 
> 
> Adding kudos and favs from both the German and the English version, this story has already reached around thousand people. If you take the hits from both German and English version and divide it through the number of chapters, we get around 600 people. I know that's not the top of hits you can actually get in this fandom, but what on earth am I talking about? SO MANY PEOPLE. Jesus. 
> 
> I'm honestly glad you walked this path with me. And believe me if I tell you that since I finished this draft I miss everyone I pictured in this story quite dearly. If reading this provided you only half as much fun as I had writing this I can rest assured. Right now I am correcting this story, and going through all of it again makes me realise how long this story actually is. There are so many big and small adventures. No wonder it took 800 pages to write everything down. I just hope that this story will find a publisher. Somewhere. Someday. I'll let you all know then.
> 
> So, yeah, the most important thing is: When will the next Eruri fic come? I have some ideas, and I've already been working on some draft, but it will still take me a lot of time before I will be able to upload it. Still though, I am working on some original story right now, which will also be uploaded on Ao3 once it's done. It will be tagged with 'Weimarer Klassik'. Even though it's not Eruri I would be happy to see some of you around for this story as well. 
> 
> Since this is the last update, please let me give you my forever-and-ever favourite moments from this fic:  
> 1\. The opening scene in chaper 1, since it's a reference to a Goethe novel.  
> 2\. The 'Lend me your summer, Levi' conversation in Erwin's library.  
> 3\. Pixis pouring Whiskey into his drinks at the first ball.  
> 4\. Erwin and Levi having a conversation and a first kiss after the thunderstorm.  
> 5\. Basically every interaction between Levi and Erwin.  
> 6\. Same goes for Daddy Levi and Eren.  
> 7\. Petra who stumbled into the bathroom. When I first wrote this I did not know that they would end up married.  
> 8\. The last ball. Entirely.  
> 9\. Levi at the docks.  
> 10\. Collapsing Erwin at the field of honour.  
> 11\. His shaking hands.  
> 12\. All these little and sarcastic little conversations that even now use to make me laugh out loud sometimes while correcting the draft.  
> 13\. Levi.  
> 14\. Erwin.  
> 15\. And all the others. 
> 
> 16\. The pure and unconditional love that can be seen amongst all of them. No matter if it's Eruri. Or Levi and Eren. Or Hange and Levi. Or Mike and Erwin. When they fall, they will fall together - but before they reach the ground, they will have caught each other. 
> 
> I will miss them all. I will miss you all. Thank you very much for all the comments, favs, kudos and so on! I hope I will see you around on tumblr, which is something I highly recommend, since I will post anything about upcoming stuff of me there. 
> 
> What else do I have to say? I hope everyone here could learn something new by reading this - I'm a teacher after all. Thank you. Thank you for everything! And goodbye! Or, to say it with Hange's words: Adieu!


End file.
